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daftbird's Journal
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daftbird's journal
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2014-01-10 15:04:25
Every couple of years I return and try to post an entry
I wonder if this might post for me.

Mood - Friday-ish
Music - I have Spanish Flea in my head
Edited - Never

2008-10-26 15:56:46

Mood - work
Music - not going to say
Edited - Never

2007-10-19 16:34:23
third time lucky -will this post POST?

Mood - an
Music - experiment
Edited - Never

2007-05-16 10:56:10
if i needed someone to love you're the one that...
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
if i needed someone to love you're the one that i'd be thinking of if i needed someone

I tried that thing that someone on stace's blog suggested -to google your name and the word needs. Well, I must say that it was a bit of silly fun and here is what came up:

lee needs more support (yes)

lee needs glasses (no, the old eyes are hangin in there yet)

lee needs love (probably, the real kind)

lee needs to leave walmart (depends if anything is on sale)

lee needs to be shown the backdoor (?? do do do looking out my backdoor -really is quite disturbing when you think of it)

lee needs an assessment (very true, this isn't news to me or anyone reading this blog, more than likely)

lee needs better oversight (I should have omitted this one (yes, I know, was just being daft))

lee needs a big dose of fiscal discipline (not true, am sensible enough in this regard)

lee needs some love (how would "some love" differ from "love"? -that's what I'm asking)

lee needs to re-examine link to confederate general (what the?)

Anyway, it was fun. If you need fun give it a go. I wonder if if would work with the word "is" ?

lee needs fun.

P.S. the is sort of works, but not really.
Labels: did anyone pick the beatles song up there

posted by lee @ 10:48 AM

Mood - how to describe it??...
Music - if i needed someone -the beatles -in my head
Edited - Never

2007-04-17 21:21:41

This plate of chips is way too small. I mean the image is too small. There do appear to be plenty of chips on the plate.This is what is on my mind as I write this: hot chips. Does it show?

I am supposed to be making tea at the moment. This is what I'm fancying at the moment - some leftover chicken patty thingos (made from scratch, good eating) -they are delicious, truly they are, home made hot chips and half an avocado. All that detail in case anyone, any person on the planet at all, might be wondered what this Australian lady might be fancying for tea on this Saturday night. Maybe after that will that will get into some Kettle chips because the above just won't be enough food.

I thought that it was time to put in an appearance here so that people wouldn't think I was dead. I don't like that thing when you wonder if other bloggers are dead. But you know what I mean -if the same post sits there for too long you get to wondering if they might be dead, maimed at the very least.

I don't actually have anything to tell. Could have a whinge about augustus. Augustus was here over the long weekend to haunt me. Oh, for anyone who is unaquainted with augustus -augustus gloop is the alias of my ex-husband. He knows that it is his alias on here and seems unperturbed about that fact.

We made plans to go somewhere -it was all sorted as to what time we were going etc. We were giving someone else a lift as well. BUT augustus gets up and decides that he will pick that very morning to ERECT A CARPORT!!!!!! He has had some silly carport kit thingo tucked aways in the caravan that he stays in when he's here for around 3 years BUT HE DECIDED TO PUT IT UP THAT DAY!!!!!

Anyway -he rang someone else to help him put the thing up BUT instead of the person just getting in their car and driving here he said he would go pick the person up -half an hour away. So - do the math - that's 2 hrs out of the day for a start by the time he took the person home again. AND WHY did he offer to go get them???? I WILL NEVER KNOW!!!!!! ARRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They spread all the bits of the thing all over the backyard. Did I mention that it kept raining on and off as well which was driving me mad because it kept showering over the washing. It was driving me BLOODY MAD. Meanwhile the day is slipping away......... while augustus and was his Dad....were buggering around in the backyard.

Oh! But wait!!!!! Augustus realises that he han't got the roof of the thing or.......... THE INSTRUCTIONS!!!!!! He and his father go searching through the van, declare that they've gone through everything and that the 2 things are not there . Augustus was implying that I had moved things (these things are, of course, always some one else's fault) .

End result -nothing achieved. Very irate ex-wife.

The day I went out to the van, lifted up one thing and there was the tarp, the instructions, and a heap more pipes for the stupid carport.

We did get where we were going -just 3hrs late.

The Beatnix coaster is there because that is who I went to see with a commenter here known as angel a couple of weeks ago. Angel said that she felt as though she was at a "geriatric's ball" because of all the old codgers there. We had to be just about the youngest there, eventhough we were there because angel, the poor old bat , wanted to go there for her 4oth. By the way, angel - I did overhear some rather interesting conversation that night BUT my lips are sealed . I really did enjoy the lambshank tea, by the way. I was rather amused at angel's disappointment over not being about to get a result on the breathi/a/y?liser(I really can't spell it at all) thingo.

Comments on the Beatnix -the John was wearing a VERY SILLY wig that was way too long and hung in his eyes -in fact you couldn't see his eyes at all until he came out in his Sgt Pepper costume for the second half of the show -haha. The George and Paul weren't too bad . The Ringo didn't appear particularly attractive to me at all BUT one of the other girls said she liked him the best, so you never can tell. They did all the usual songs and did a good job of it at that. I would have liked to hear something like And your Bird Can Sing -but that's it, isn't it? We can't have everything in life, can we? -as everyone has discovered by this point in life.

At this point in time I have had an interesting offer from an ex-Alaskan living in this country and I'm thinking it over. It's in there somewhere with the hot chips all churning around. I got so stressed out with thinking over too many things the night before last that I actually did something weird -made a mental checklist in which I listed everything was was bothering me and then went through it and said things like: augustus, I've worried enough about you tonight and ticked him off and then went to the next problem and did the same thing -went though everything and the end result was sleep.

Anyway, I'm going on with twaddle here and tea needs to be made. I hope that whoever is reading will have a very nice tea tonight as well because there's nothing like a good feed that sticks to your sides. Have a good weekend wherever you are.

Labels: acute irritation, augustus gloop, can't wait to eat dinner

posted by lee @ 6:52 PM  7 comments

Mood - whatever
Music - dancing in the dark-bruce springsteen(in my head)
Edited - Never

2007-04-04 10:17:26
pumpkins progress

(from Friday 30th March)

Keshi noticed I hadn't been blogging in a few days so thought I would write something here before the weekend. Something of great importance:


As noted in previous entry, I planted some pumpkin seeds. That was on a Wednesday. Six days later - so the Tuesday we just had, in other words, I go to have a squiz at them and noticed that eight of them had come up!!!! WOO HOO!!!

Then on Wednesday the 28th I noticed that sixteen of the things had come up. Yesterday it was seventeen, and today -twenty!!!!

Hell!!! Am I to be overtaken by marauding pumpkin vines???? Will it be a scene akin to the red weed in War Of The Worlds???? What is to be done???? The Day Of The Pumpkins. I have visions of the vines snaking their way through the bathroom window at night and making their way up the hallway and into the bedroom and wrapping their tendrils around my legs and pulling me down into....not sure what the next bit should abyss of rotting pumpkins or something. What was that silly send up movie called -the one with the pumpkin headed lawn mower killer??? I don't mean that there was someone with a pumpkin head going around killing lawn mowers, rather that the pumpkin headed guy rode a lawn mower. As if you didn't work that out, anyway.

Enough about killer pumpkins.Enjoyed the return of The Chaser's War On Everything the other night. The send up of the Free Hugs thingo was excellent. Typically Australian -FREE FEEL UPS. Also there was a sign with FREE ROOTS. Australians -what a classy bunch we are(?).

I picked up the tape of the Somewhere In time soundtrack this week for twenty cents - I cannot tell you how good it sounds. Whether you actually liked the movie or not, the music was fantastic. Poor old Christopher Reeve -read his autobiography again just lately. Anyone who thinks that they're doing it tough should give that a read and get things in perspective. It helps.

Something Good To Report
Last night this here pumpkin growing blogger attended an awards night at which I thought I'd receive two certificates -but in fact received the certificates along with a trophy, a plaque thingo that they engrave your name on and you have to give it back after a year, a gold pen , a cheque for $150.00 that will come very much in handy,thank you very much, and a handshake from the Mayor. And why??? It was to do with computer stuff -now there's a joke -if they saw the botch-up that I make here on blogger it would all be taken back quick smart .

Labels: it would be good to look like jane seymour, pumpkins from hell

posted by lee @ 5:06 PM  18 comments

Mood - tired as buggery
Music - the somewhere in time soundtrack (haha)
Edited - Never

2007-03-22 17:38:22
evil woman
(this Blogger post originally had 4 pics from monty python's spanish inquisition post accompanying it)

This bit has nothing whatsover to do with the pictures.

Yesterday in my mailbox I get this daft brochure:


I am over 55.

My family says I have the TV too loud.

I have trouble understanding people in loud places.

Everyone seems to mumble.

So this brochure would seem to indicate that if you are over 55 you are completely thick and up until this point that you haven't noticed that you CAN'T HEAR PROPERLY!!! Well, that's it then - will just have to go and get Mum and Dad put down, the poor dopey buggers. There is no point in them going on. Unfortunately they have gone past the point of no return. They are too thick to live.

Now, in a complete change of subject, I wish to CONFESS. I feel the need to get this off my chest.

When I was a child (aged five or six) my Grandmother made me a lovely dress, it was predominantly blue. My sister's was the same except it was green. My Grandmother had borrowed the cotton to make the dresses from a friend.

My school teacher boarded with the friend. My Granny bought cotton to replace the cotton she had borrowed and asked me to give it to the teacher to pass on to her friend.

Two lovely new reels of cotton - a blue one and a green one. My Grandmother put them into a brown paper bag.

I was too shy to give them to the teacher so I put them in the school bin. Threw them away. In there with half- eaten apples and discarded sandwiches. That lovely cotton.

My Grandmother never was able to track down what happened to the cotton.


While here there is something else to confess. At a younger age than the above I went to the local store with my mum. I picked up a little twenty cent orange car and walked out with it because I knew that Mum wouldn't buy it. Oh! It was terrible! I planted it at my Grandmother's house because if it was sighted at home there Would Be Trouble. It was tucked under the lounge cushion there and I couldn't even play with the silly thing for fear of it Being Seen. Oh frig -was cured of this sort of thing forever.

So I had a rather short (but illustrious) career as Liar and Thief.

Anyone got anything Naughty to confess???

CONFESS NOW -or I'll send the fellas around!!!

Mood - buggered
Music - thank you-jamellia (not by choice)
Edited - Never

2007-03-08 12:08:26
what difference does it make?
Sunday, March 04, 2007
what difference does it make?

Yesterday - an unexpected treat on the telly:And Now For Something Completely Different. I say unexpected because all that usually can be expected on a Saturday arvo, as far as telly goes, is sport.

Although, actually, I'm full of shite because I don't usually watch telly on a Saturday arvo. I happened to be home yesterday because I felt like death - which of course is a nice segue into the Dead Parrot sketch. Doesn't matter how many times I see it, it never fails to amuse. A parrot "pining for the fjords" will do it every time.

That's the kind of new pet I could handle. Wouldn't have to remember to feed it, nor clean out its cage - excellent. A permanent pet. Wouldn't have to worry about it dying. Just nail it to the perch and Bob's your Uncle. Possible parrot names: Monty, ...can't think of anything else. It would have to be Monty.

It should be announced that I've officially gone mental. Previously it was only unofficial. I had a dream where I was going through a diary trying to find the birthday of my two year old daughter because I didn't want to miss it -it turned out to be the 11th March, by the way. I was looking for the date while my blond-haired daughter played with my sister and her new-ish husband and her two children from a previous marriage. They were all right here in the kitchen.

The trouble is that I don't have a daughter so no wonder I couldn't remember her birthday without searching. She doesn't exist. My sister, however, is due to give birth in a few weeks. I cannot tell you of my disappointment when I awoke to realise it was just a dream -it was one of those VERY REAL ones. The disappointment is still hanging around. See, mental. Barmy lady.

I had to ask a neighbour to come in and help me with something on Thursday night because I had a bad health episode. It was very humbling to have to go and ask for help -I held out for 2hrs before asking as I'm Miss Independence. The lady was very good about it and has said anytime I need help-day or night - to ring her and she'll be right over. And I know she means it. I have one of those neighbours who will bring over a piece of a pumpkin that she's grown and who will call out to let you know to bring your washing in off the line because it's starting to rain. It wasn't until Thursday that I really appreciated how important it is to have good people around -particularly today when so many of us are on our own. It's great to know that someone would notice if you didn't emerge from your house for a couple of days, you know? That someone would notice all the neighbourhood cats hanging around your house just waiting for the chance to get in and have a feast .

Anyway, enough of that .

I wish to tell you of a daggy tape that I made . I'm such a goose that I regularly make Weekend tapes for myself - a compilation usually done on a Friday afternoon and then it gets played to death over the weekend. Actually, this was done over the Friday we just had and the one before it.

Here's the thing with music - when you take a song out of its original context, it sounds different. It's true. So taking these couple of U2 songs off their album makes them sound even better.

side a:

don't look back - fine young cannibals (no laughing!,it's a good song)
tears run rings - soft cell
in god's country - U2
trip through your wires - U2
all i gave - world party
the whole of the night - world party
always - world party
writing to reach you - travis
music was saved - starsailor
atmosphere - joy division (this is playing at the moment)
telling them - starsailor
making love to the world - world party

side b:

what difference does it make? - the smiths
take it up - world party
sweet soul dream -world party
bye bye bad man - the stone roses
song for my sugar spun sister - the stone roses
bittersweet symphony - the verve
my love life - morrisey
i want you to know - julian lennon ( don't laugh at this either -if anyone else had performed this song it would have been declared "good" )
trampolene - julian cope
charlotte anne - julian cope
elizabeth my dear -the stone roses
dance of the hoppy lads - world party.

So -if anyone has bothered to read through the daggy tape list -what do these songs have in common? (you are not allowed to say that "they are all shite").

Actually -what do they have in common AND what is something else that two of the artists don't have in common with the others? I know this is silly .
Labels: crapping on quite a bit, pop quiz

posted by lee @ 11:47 AM  12 comments

Mood - in need of lunch right about now
Music - treason - julian cope
Edited - Never

2007-02-28 13:46:14
drinking buttermilk through the week..whisky on a sunday
(blog from Tuesday, 20th February)

[img alt="" border="0"][/img]

drinking buttermilk through the week...whisky on a sunday

I left my favourite beer quote over on dave's blog just now and then decided -why not a whole post on beer quotes -never done that before.

And then who cares if it stuffs up with this silly new blogger that I've been forced into. The buggers.

"I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers this morning what the rest of us said last night." -- Greek proverb

"I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol." -- W.C. Fields

"I would give all my fame for a pot of ale and safety" -- William Shakespeare (King Henry V)

"From a man's sweat and God's love, beer came into the world." -- Saint Arnoldus

"Whoever makes a poor beer is transferred to the dung-hill..." -- Edict, city of Danzig (Gdansk), 11th century

"A mind the caliber of mine cannot derive it's nutriment from cows." -- George Bernard Shaw

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading" -- Henny Youngman

"It was as natural as eating and to me as necessary, and I would not have thought of having a meal without" -- Ernest Hemingway

"Quaintest thoughts, queerest fancies come to life and fade away. What care I how time advances; I am drinking ale today." -- Edgar Allen Poe

"It is my design to die in the brew house; let ale be placed in my mouth when I am expiring, that when the choirs of angels come, they may say, "Be God propitious to this drinker." -- St. Columbanus, A.D. 612

"I exercise extreme self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. -- W.C. Fields

"A good local pub has much in common with a church, except that a pub is warmer, and there is more conversation." -- William Blake

"The selling of bad beer is a crime against Christian love." -- Law, city of Augsburg, 13th Century

"How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil's Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter." -- W.C. Fields

“Give my people plenty of beer, good beer and cheap beer, and you will have no revolution among them.” -- Queen Victoria

“Most people hate the taste of beer – to begin with. It is, however, a prejudice that many people have been able to overcome.” -- Winston Churchill

"Of doctors and medicines we have in plenty more than enough... what you may, for the Love of God, send is some large quantity of beer." --Dispatch from the Colony, New South Wales, 1854

"It is better to think of church in the ale-house than to think of the ale-house in church." --Martin Luther

"Beer that is not drunk has missed it's vocation." --Meyer Breslau

"The good Lord has changed water into wine, so how can drinking beer be a sin?” --Sign near a Belgian Monastery

"I envy people who drink, at least they know what to blame everything on." --Oscar Levant

"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind" --Humphrey Bogart

"Make sure that the beer - four pints a week - goes to the troops under fire before any of the parties in the rear get a drop." --Winston Churchill to his Secretary of War, 1944

"Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer!" --Henry Lawson

"Give me a woman who loves beer and I shall conquer the world." --Kaiser Wilhelm

"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer." --Dave Barry

"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get." --Homer Simpson

"Actually, it only takes me one drink to get drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth." --George Burns

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers." --Cliff Clavin, Cheers Episode

"Work is the curse of the drinking class." --Oscar Wilde

"There is no such thing as a bad beer. It's that some taste better than others." --Billy Carter

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." --Frank Sinatra

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." --Benjamin Franklin

"All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer." --Homer Simpson

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with the fools he must come in contact with every day." --Ernest Hemingway

"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer." --Frank Zappa

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed - Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'" --Deep Thought, Jack Handy

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." --Dave Barry.

I actually can't stand the taste of beer. I can't drink at the moment due to health stuff, but if I were to drink it would be scotch. And quite a bit of it, too.

Mood - premenstrual
Music - none - this has never happened before!!
Edited - Never

2007-02-22 12:34:38
hold on to what you got
(blog from)Monday, February 12, 2007
hold on to what you got

Been feeling a bit like shite for a few days and what do you do when you are feeling a bit like shite?

Well, if you are me, you find something -any thing at all - to cheer you up a bit.

In this case it was getting James Freud's book out yesterday and flicking through it. Only read it again about a month ago (for the third time). It is guaranteed to put a smile on your face. It is one of the few things that has ever made me laugh out loud. James Freud is a very very funny bugger. The book(from 2002) is called I am the voice left from drinking after a line in the song Barbados.

For anyone who doesn't have a clue who I'm talking about he was in aussie eighties band, the models. My favourite song of theirs was Hold On.I actually couldn't stand James Freud when I was growing up - thought he was a tosser. I mean, look at that poster which I've scanned from the book -looks like a tosser to me.

For anyone who likes the behind the scenes of the music industry stuff - this book will do it for you.

The stuff about Gary Numan (you know the guy that did Cars and We Are Glass) was ... quite intriguing . He had a penchant for dropping his guts all the time :

"I awoke on the morning of 29 June 1980 to the now- familiar odour-de-Gary's-fart. I ran out of the caravan gasping for air. It was my 21st birthday.

'Can't you do that outside?' I said to him.

'What, and waste a good fart?'

I must say that it shattered all my childhood illusions as to how cool(?) Gary Numan was. James went over to visit him in the U.K., expecting to be staying in a rock star's mansion, only to find that Gary was living in a caravan in his parent's backyard. He didn't smoke, drink, or take drugs and that he lived on McDonald's - hence all the gas.

There are bits about his good mate, Michael Hutchence. There are mentions of Marc Bolan, Andy Warhol, just about everyone.

And it's all so amusingly honest:

"To this day I'm still not sure what I liked about heroin, apart from wanting to be like Lou Reed, who wrote the best songs about taking heroin. The actual drug was not a pleasurable experience. I would throw my guts up from the moment it hit my veins till I finally straightened up. And my nose would itch so uncontrollably that I would look like WC Fields and end up with a rashy, peeling schnoz the next day. But regardless of all that, I persisted and took my medicine because I had become part of the 'elite' drug culture. We'd listen to the Velvet Underground all day and play 'Heroin' and 'Waiting for the Man' till we wore out the vinyl. I met Lou in an elevator years later, in Liverpool, England.

'Hi Lou,' I said.

'F--- off,' he replied.

It was great".

If you ever come across this on eBay, BUY IT-even if you hated his guts (like I always used to) because it's a great read. And you might enjoy the bit about a dog turd being thrown at him on stage ( Nick Cave claimed that it was he who threw the dog turd). Even if you have never heard of James Freud before in your entire life - still buy it because you will have heard of everyone he writes about.

I was just googling around before and discovered that James is about to put out a follow up next month called -I kid you not - I am the voice left from rehab. Tch tch. He supposedly got his act together in the first book after nearly dying.

Speaking of music things -they showed The Band Aid Story on the ABC again the other night. The lead singer of Spandau Ballet ended up getting a little portly and was wearing a cap which probably means BALD SPOT. That is so very... disappointing . And the lads from Status Quo are stilll as naughty as ever. Bono being made to sing the only line in the song that he didn't want to sing. But he did do it so very well, anyway.

Oh, and I've been listening to Tim Finn a fair bit over the last few days. Who knows why. It's just comfortable to hear and doesn't make your head hurt. That's always a good sign . On the bonus DVD that came with it is a lovely version of I Hope I Never. It sounded good to me over the weekend.

I'm feeling a bit better just at this minute after having a good feed tonight, in spite of not having a wink of sleep last night. It was food experiment #129 and involved chicken, shallots, lemon juice, olive oil, seasalt, lemon myrtle. Also green capsicum, brocolli. Oh, and potatoes. Must have potatoes.It was very very good and I ate every last bit so there was none left for the starving children.

I went and picked up Barkly's chain(even the biggest collar was too small for his neck so he had to have a chain- even after losing weight he was still 45kgs) and lead from the vet on Friday and paid the bill and received a receipt that reads:

07/02/07 EUTHANASE DOG $55.00

07/02/07 CREMATION $60.00.

All this feeling -and the grief of it- and it just comes down to that -words on a page - just like with everything else.

So, strangely enough, James Freud has cheered me up. Oh, and something else cheered me up just this afternoon. I had to walk about half a kilometre this afternoon with a not-particularly-heavy-but-awkward barstool -just one of those things that you do from time to time - as I walked toward a man on the same path he grinned his face off at the unusual sight of a woman walking around with a yellow barstool, and in typical aussie fashion said: "ya shoulda got a folding one, mate".

So - this continual pulling oneself up by the bootstraps -don't know about you fellas, but these here bootstraps are getting STRONGER.

Well, I'm sure that's more than enough prattling on for one night.

Mood - tired as anything
Music - constant craving -kd lang
Edited - Never

2007-02-20 21:18:29
oh the snakes crawl at night, that's what they say
my blog from the second of february:

oh the snakes crawl at night, that's what they say...

Please do not think even for one minute that I don't know the difference between a snake and a cockroach. It's just that I've been listening to.....hehe....Charley Pride's Greatest Hits -hence The Snakes Crawl At Night.

Oh, and how could you forget the classic(?) Kaw Lija, about an Indian Chief:

"Poor old Kaw Lija, he never got a kiss
Poor old Kaw Lija, he don't know what he missed".

You never know what might be on the turntable here from what day to the next - it's rather frightening, really.

Today I am writing to express my utter digust over an event that transpired in the last couple of days.

I thought that it was time to get my act together in some way and sort out the great piles of books that live next to my bed - if anything is going to happen to me I don't want anyone else to have to deal with all this crap, right?

So there I am going through the bookshelf, culling, sorting a give-away pile - in other words making space for the bedroom books to go. And WHAT DO I SEE?????? A ruddy great cockroach of course. Ran straight past me and into the books. A massive mongrel of a thing.

So I frantically pull out books until I hit the jackpot - pile of cocky crap. I mean a PILE. He must have taken up residence there a little while back.

As if it isn't disgusting enough to have one of these in your house, let alone in your books, but what I found just OUT OF LINE about it is that the pile was behind - and touching - Persuasion by Jane Austen . I would have smashed that cockroach to death if I could have found him (I'm assuming it was male). I've put bait out for you, buddy! Come and get it, beast.....YOU JUST CAN'T GO AROUND DEFECATING ON JANE AUSTEN!!!!!!!

Out comes the dust pan and brush, the paper towel, the clean up. Get every little last bit of the cocky's jobs, wipe out the bookshelf, realise I'll never feel quite the same way about Persuasion again. Have an attack of the klutz and drop it all over the books sitting on the floor in front of the bookshelf and all over the floor. Get the vacuum cleaner. I now know that the cockroach NEEDS TO DIE -ARRGHHHHHH!!!!

It got me to thinking that if I were a cockroach - and I had a choice - which books I would pooh on.

One I can think of off the top of my head is The Shipping News - never did get past the first page of that.

If I were a cockroach in a cheeky mood I'd take a dump on Puckoon by Spike Milligan, or even his book of limericks- because Spike might find it amusing.

Or what about Such Is Life, just for a little irony.

I'd pooh on Howards End just to be a smart arse.

I thought it might be fitting to have a picture of cockroach doo doo (or however you spell it) to accompany this post. I googled cockroach faeces and got a photo of a weird cockroach. I googled cockroach pooh and got a photo of a man and the caption " Freaks After Cockroach Attacks!". These were entirely unsuitable, as I'm sure you would agree.

Speaking of pooh - the birds have taken a shine to my mailbox. Have to clean it all the time, it gives me the dirts. But sometimes -just sometimes - when I look out my bedroom window I see a bird perched on the mailbox and it looks....beautiful.

Mood - need to go read a book
Music - charlie pride in my head now
Edited - Never

2006-12-15 11:14:25
after the gold rush
Monday, December 11, 2006
after the gold rush

Was watching Little House On The Prairie last night and again today while I did the ironing. One day might finally make it throught the DVDs I bought months ago. My only complaint with the ones I have is that they are series 1 and 2 and Nellie - The Bitch - hasn't really put in that much of an appearance. I want to get hold of the one where Laura lets go of the wheelchair with Nellie in it and lets her go down a steep hill to take revenge on her. Thought it might have been in amongst these episodes -but not much in the way of naughty Nellie so far.

Last night it was an episode where Charles was working his guts out doing extra work so he could get a nice dinner set for Caroline - so the family could eat from crockery plates instead of old tin ones. So simple. A basic need. And it made the family happy. Who today would even appreciate that sort of thing?

O.K. -so it was a story. But here's what it made me think of - why can't people just be content with things? Why is there this great push to always update and have the best of everything to the extent where people are willing to go into debt up to the eyeballs to make it happen? What's it for? Who's it for? I'm not talking about the Ingalls family updating from tin to crockery -I'm talking about people having to have the latest telly even when there's nothing wrong with the one they have.

Maybe it's one of the reasons why marriages used to last. People had next to nothing and so chased each other instead of chasing after possessions . Oh, you know what I mean - the focus was where it should be -on the other person. Not on all the things that don't really matter.

Of course the exception to this is gotta get hold of that Nellie Olsen episode.... .

Mood - tired as buggery
Music - young at heart -frank sinatra
Edited - Never

2006-12-11 11:53:23
ah, but i may as well try and catch the wind
Thursday, December 07, 2006
ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind

Sometimes in life when you read something it makes you realise that you are not quite as mental as you think you actually are -that there are actually people out there a tad more mental than yourself.

Farts spark emergency landing

Thursday Dec 7 09:34 AEDT
An American Airlines flight made an emergency landing this week after a passenger with severe gas problems struck matches to mask the odor of flatulence, an official said.

The flight from Washington to Texas landed at Nashville airport on Tuesday, in the southeastern state of Tennessee, after passengers alerted the crew about the smell of burning sulfur, Lynne Lowrance, spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority said.

She said all 99 passengers and their luggage were taken off the plane and searched, and an unlucky canine team was brought in to sniff the aircraft for explosives.

After intense questioning by the FBI, a woman passenger admitted to lighting matches on board the aircraft to conceal her gas, Lowrance said.

"For a long time she did not admit to striking matches and I think that was just out of embarrassment," she said. "She did finally admit to it saying she had a medical problem about excessive gas."

The unidentified woman was not charged but "American did ban her from flying on their airline for a very long time," Lowrance said.

Must say -it did crack me up to read of the unlucky canine team.

One day, you just never know, there might be something sensible to read here in this blog. But don't count on it.

I've just remembered a song from school: 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 or more (insert name here) dropped a bomb in the discount store. 20,000 people had to hold their breath, (insert name here) dropped anoher one which caused their death.

Kids and their farting fetishes -but that song does have proper words and what was the song?....maybe something to do with snoopy and the red baron or something like that?

Kids are terrible - and there was another silly song -not about excess gas though -to the tune of Tragedy by the Bee Gees: Tragedy, when your balls go bang and...can't remember the rest, more's the pity. Such an edifying song, too.

Aren't you so glad you read this post .

Mood - don't feel like doing the ironing
Music - i've got the world on a string - frank sinatra
Edited - Never

2006-11-28 11:10:34
and when my mind is wandering there i will go
(yesterdays blog)

Inspired by(blogger) fergal, got Sgt Pepper out this morning for the first time in...couldn't tell you how long...very long time...with the goal of trying to listen with fresh ears . And came to the conclusion that I couldn't do it. Have simply read and heard too much about it over the years to stop the dialogue in the head - yes, there's George in the throes of his Indian stage. Julian's friend Lucy. Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite where bits of tape were cut up and spliced randomly. The instrument sounds representing the different family members in She's Leaving Home. A Day in The Life -flogged to death so much that it wouldn't worry me if I never heard that one again. Getting Better - what a pity it was ever used for the theme on that show -has buggered it.

To be honest I get more enjoyment out of listening to the Monkees (shock! horror! ) than Sgt Pepper. And a lot of enjoyment out of what I moved on to after Sgt Pepper this morning: To Our Childrens Childrens Children album by the Moody Blues, side b in particular. Ah, it's lovely, lovely, lovely. A scratchy old perfect record.

Having said that - I really do understand the cultural significance of the Beatles album-what a breakthrough it was at the time - it'll be 40 next year, won't it? And Brian Wilson getting all depressed when it came out (note to self:why can't you ever remember anything useful).

Oh, there still is one song on Sgt Pepper that I can enjoy just as a song -well, bits of it in particular and that is.........Fixing A Hole. Love the hey, hey, hey...hey and guitar bit in the middle. And love the bit:

I'm taking the time for a number of things
That weren't important yesterday
And I still go.

I do love it when Paul sings "and I still go" -actually that is my favourite bit on the whole album. Truly.

I am a very naughty person -have come back to edit because I just swiped this from someone's blog -someone did a review of the Moody Blues album and they made it sound interesting, so here it is - if I had seen a place to leave a comment would have asked them if it was O.K. to nick it...

This is an essential Moodies album for sure. The celestial quality of the mellotron has never been more evident than on this LP, and the songwriting is up there with the best of their career. The theme of space travel is not important and fairly loose, although it does provide the album's one skippable track, Beyond, an experimental instrumental that isn't really much fun to listen to. Other than that, the songs really shine. Hayward's Gypsy and Watching and Waiting are incredibly moving and beautiful compositions, and his guitar playing features melodic, attention-grabbing licks that catch the ear without dominating the dense but clear mix. Mike Pinder gets in a couple of his best songs on Out and In and the sitar-driven Sun is Still Shining, and John Lodge shows his mystical side on Candle of Life. Even Ray Thomas, who sometimes succumbs to schmaltziness, contributes the classy, ultra-melodic Eternity Road. The songs blend into each other with fade ins and outs in a wonderful, flowing manner. The whole affair has a sense of quiet profundity and spirtuality that you won't find in much of the psych music of the period. This album has been with me for half my life, and I never tire of it. If you want to pick up a couple of Moody Blues albums, make this one of them. It's pure class from start to finish.

Mood - tired
Music - two of us - the beatles
Edited - Never

2006-11-25 23:32:12
and after all you're my wonderwall
Blog from tonight...

Saturday, November 25, 2006
and after all you're my wonderwall

Even though I'm so tired to be only just functioning at present time will write something here just to please angel so that next time she turns up here she won't have to see that spot the differences thing again .(blog reference)

The rivalry between Australia and England knows no bounds, even down the singing at the cricket. Apparently the Aussie cricket fans are pretty crap singers according to the Barmy Army.

Found this in a magazine. To be sung to the tune of Wonderwall by Oasis:

You Can Sing Sod All

Today is gonna be the day that we're gonna sing a song for you.
By now you should've realised that's what we're here to do.
And I don't believe that anybody sings as bad as you
Aussie convicts.

Backbeat, the word is on the street that you can't even write a song.
I'm sure, you've heard it all before, but c'mon Aussies prove us wrong.
'Cos I don't believe that anybody's quite as thick as you
Aussie convicts.

The "oh ahh" song you sing for Glenn is so sad,
And "Warney, Warney, Warney" is just as bad.
There are so many songs that I would like to hear from you,
But you don't know how.
'Cos maybe, you'll never find a song to play me,
'Cos after all, you can sing sod all.

Well, that's probably pretty spot on. Australians are a bunch of stirrers, so we've got to learn to take it as well.

But there's stirring , and there's stirring, isn't there? Sometimes people go too far with it.

The two people who stir me on weekdays are a good case in point.

I think it was on Thursday they had a good stir. I will call them Stirrer 1 and Stirrer 2.

S1: you look very tired today

Me: yeah, I...

S2: you just have had a fella in the house all night

S1:actually, you look worn out

S2:you must have had a heap of fellas in there

S1:i'm jealous.

You'd think they were teenagers!!! Sometimes it's not appreciated -in fact I was tired - too tired even for a retort. And the comments were exhausting. (angel, don't say anything to them or anyone else, please ) . Men!! I wonder sometimes how some of them manage to walk around and perform basic functions. Yes, I'm being too harsh. But it really did feel as though they were around 13 years old and I was a very wise( that will never happen, if I can help it) and mature lady.Ha!

And then that night "Augustus" rang and threatened that he might be visiting here over the weekend(which he's actually not, as it turned out). Warning! Period talk ahead. Anyway I said to Augustus that if he was going to turn up would be go to Coles and get some pads because they've got good ones there -he knows I like to stockpile everything- and sometimes women like to have both things on hand, right? (ladies nod their heads in agreement). So I tell him the brand and then it seems the conversation is over UNTIL he says: oh, what kind do you want -and I said : I thought I just told you. Augustus says: yeah but some of them have super written on them-does that mean that the woman has ....(actually -I'm thinking that I shouldn't write what he said here because it sounds terrible and I know if I write it I'll regret it! hahaha.). Anyway, my reply was:Are you JOKING!!! Oh, you must be joking? Are you serious? Oh, come off it, you can't be serious!! And once again I wondered how do some men manage to walk around and perform basic functions (Angel, if you guess what he said I will put another photo of John Lennon here for you to look at.)

And sorry if period talk offends any male who might read this, but to us it's nothing - it's just one of those things like doing the ironing or something, it's just life.

And I don't believe that anybody sings as bad as you
Aussie convicts...

Mood - in need of sleep
Music - wonderwall is now stuck in my head
Edited - Never

2006-11-06 10:45:40
it's raining again
blog from yesterday...

Sunday, November 05, 2006
it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

The fun's over now. I think this is day three of pretty much non-stop rain.

The garden's had enough, the yard has had enough. The trees have had enough. So have I. The houseplants have been outside for a drink. Thought that might stop the rain - it usually does the trick if you put the houseplants out .

It can bugger off now to a part of the state that's in drought and actually needs it . Go on, off you go, bugger ya.

At this point I start to get anxious about all this water even if logic says: wake up to yourself!

When I was eight years old there was a flood. I don't mean the river levels rose a bit type flood- I mean a FLOOD. Dead animals- being- washed- down -the river -type flood.

The place where we lived had a river on one side and a gully on the other.

One morning (after days of rain, obviously) my Grandfather, who lived nearby, told us to get going up the road to a neighbour on higher ground.

Mum - being a mother - had to make sure we were dressed and had breakfast before going. BAD move, mother!

We make it about halfway there when the water starts coursing onto the road ahead of us. I remember Dad putting the car in reverse and I don't remember what he did after that. I just remember getting through a fence and running with my sister close by. Where were Mum, Dad, and my little brother at this point? Don't know, just remember running and looking back to see the brown water surging.

So we ended up at my Grandparent's place. My grandmother, in her wisdom,brought out some toys that we hadn't played with before. The old "distract them" technique. No doubt she was worried sick as well, but made sure we were happy as could be.

As the water rose from both sides we went out to the shed and climbed up to the highest place -on a ledge up near the roof. From this point I could see that the brown water had completely covered the paddock.

The rain stopped. Relief.

Mum put me in my best lilac(ha! the 70's) jeans that day and I never felt the same way about them after that.

Previous to the flood there was a huge tree with a rope attached that we used to swing out on and drop into the river. No more tree.

Part of the road was washed out. Very deep hole.

My long dead Great- Grandmother's pink rambling roses were gone.

I no longer live between a gully and a river but will it just stop raining, please!

Mood - not quite sure, to be honest
Music - cruel to be kind - nick lowe
Edited - Never

2006-10-30 10:34:44
eskimo joe
blog from this morning.

Monday, October 30, 2006
red letter day/black heart/it's gonna tear you all apart/so loud, can't hear you call/you and i are gonna fall straight down

Oh, was so glad to see Black Fingernails, Red Wine by Eskimo Joe win single of the year last night on the ARIAs. It's such a relief that someone is still making that kind of music in a world of women singers doing vocal gymnastics and that other wanky music, sorry, I mean spewsic that I can't stand.

And Midnight Oil being inducted into the ARIA Hall of Fame. Well, it's probably about time, isn't it? Silverchair doing I Don't Wanna Be the One - good stuff. Thoroughly enjoyed the combination of Pete Murray and John Mayer together -sweet. Could have listened to that pair and their guitars all night .

I'm thrown all out out of whack with daylight saving and don't know whether I'm Arthur or Martha -so to speak.
Goal for the rest of the year is to get up earlier and get to bed at a decent time. Have written it here and so will have to stick to now.

This is a weird kind of post where none of it bears relation to any of the the rest of it. Actually, maybe that's not so unusual for this silly blog.

Want to record here something in utter bad taste just for fun.

A couple of days ago I ring to speak with my sister and her son - my nephew(obviously) answers the phone:

Must think of an alias first ....

O.K.- so James answers the phone:

Hello James - how are you going? Can I talk to your Mum, please?


Is she home?

James:Well, she's....

Is she in the bathroom or something?


So is she in the shower on in the loo? Is she going to be long, or do you want to take a message?

James:(with great reluctance)Well, she's in the loo

Did she tell you not to tell anyone when she's in the loo or something?

James: yes

Why? Did you tell someone once?

James:(laughing) yes

What did you say?

James: I said she was on the toilet doing a big pooh.

It cracked me up ,and does everytime I think of it, as my sister is a pretty, petite fresh faced girl with lovely long hair and in the one sentence he uttered he reduced her to a trucker or something - little bugger!Hahahahaha.


And in an unrelated subject - isn't Michael Palin just lovely? Hadn't said it for a while and it just needs to be said on this Monday morning.

Mood - tired as hell
Music - london bombs - eskimo joe
Edited - Never

2006-10-24 21:16:59
you can watch the year go by on the use-by date on the eggs
Monday, October 23, 2006
you can watch the year go by on the use-by date on the eggs

Not a song title or lyric for once. Just an observation.

Sitting here feeling rather premenstrual and somewhat depressed and don't even have any chocolate about the place. If there were any chocolate about the place it wouldn't be that way for long , even though it makes me sick.

Was waiting all afternoon to hear of test results for my dog...not the miniature poodle whom I once gave the alias of Keith...instead I refer to the large table-like structure that is my labrador... he can have an alias as well...what about...uummmm..Steve ( ) . The last time I rang the vet was around 5pm to be told that I have to ring back in the morning. The call previous to that I was told that his problem could possibly be 1. an infection or 2. that his body has tumours throughout it. Brilliant.

So it makes you think - so if it's tumours - Can anything be done? Do you spend your savings getting him help ? Would they come back? They always say that pessimists cope better with this sort of thing because they work out all the bad scenarios in their heads and then mentally prepare themselves. I lost the little blind bubble of optimism years ago. Maybe when I was younger I would've thought: Don't worry! it'll be fine! . So in other words I'm thinking about the worst and it's not very happifying. In fact it's not very good at all.

Went out to give "Keith" his dinner tonight and he did his usual follow me down the steps, then run up and down the steps 3 times, then run up the steps, stop, look at me, then run down to eat as fast as he can before "Steve" finishes his dinner and then moves on to Keith's. Except tonight Steve wasn't there. He wasn't here today either to get in my way and sit right under the clothesline. He wasn't there to jump up at the backdoor and nearly knock me down when I brought the food out. There was no Steve to waste sarcastic comments on - "So Steve, never seen food before". "Oh you poor thing, you mustn't have eaten for at least a week!". And just plain rude comments :"Oh, WHY are so fat!". "Oh, get your big tail out of the way, wouldya!", "You're a beast!"."Stop eating the pegs!", "You're a pig, not a dog". Well you get the general idea.

The fact is that I love that rotten fat labrador but I didn't know quite how much until today.

Mood - worried
Music - daytime nightime suffering -paul mccartney
Edited - Never

2006-10-20 14:44:57
daytime nightime suffering
Just blogged this.

Friday, October 20, 2006
daytime nightime suffering

Been reading too much in the last couple of days not to say something.

Why oh why is Heather Mills acting like such an utter bitch?? I'm not saying she is one because I don't know the woman to say whether she is or not - BUT she sure is acting like a cheap scrag.

Fair enough - my ex-husband was a jerk and I whinge about it here sometimes but do it anonymously - don't even refer to him by name.

It's grossly unfair to drag someone through the mud in such a public fashion when the person in question is known the world over.

If Paul McCartney is such a mongrel how the hell did Linda put up with him for 30 years? And that is probably the answer.

Mood - premenstrual
Music - the above Paul song in my head
Edited - Never

2006-10-17 11:14:31
have you ever been in love?
This is blog from yesterday. The pictures missing are: a brown paper bag, my dress and earrings, and a cute little photo of Leo sayer .

I have - with Leo Sayer. Adored him when I was a little girl - say 6 or 7 years old. Then as I got older it settled into a dignified crush. So in other words I think he's a lovely singer and if you're reading this thinking what geek he is - stop thinking it right this minute! It's not allowed. O.K. - you can think it but don't say anything TOO scathing about him or I may never recover.

Anyway, went to see Leo and wore the above - it doesn't come up so good there - is actually a cream coloured dress with watercolour looking roses all over it. It has a nice soft green in it - not the icky colour that has come up on the scan. Also there are the dangly earrings that I wore - yep, had to wear dangly ones for Leo. I wore what I thought befitted a 30 year crush-haha.

Oh, and while here should say that the only main song of his that he didn't do on the night was Have You Ever Been In Love. Everything else, he did. Nice suprise on the night was the support act, Sharon O'Neill, singing the Dragon song Young Years - she co-wrote it. That was an unexpected treat.

What is that brown paper bag doing there you might well ask? This is a brown paper bag that seems to have taken up residence next to the microwave and behind the chopping boards. It's been living there for some time. I took an avocado out of it to scan it - brown paper bags are brilliant for getting avocados to hurry up and ripen. Anyway, I scanned this one because it's the scungiest brown paper bag that you ever saw. A brown paper bag is what I would wear if someone bound and gagged me and forced me to go hear Mariah Carey or Kelly Clarkson. Or someone like 50 cent(well I hope that's how you write it). Or Missy Elliot. This sort of thing.Well you get the general idea. I'm some sort of music snob in reverse - don't like the things that you're supposed to like and love the things you shouldn't.

Signed: Leo lover.

Mood - enjoying a rainy day
Music - the above song in my head
Edited - Never

2006-10-08 12:59:45
jeremy spoke in class today
2 blog entries from friday - both had pictures that you don't see here so you'll just have to use your imagination, won't you?

Friday, October 06, 2006
jeremy spoke in class today

Man of the week: Jeremy Irons. Some might think this is a rather odd choice as he does look a bit weird sometimes depending on what role he's doing. But in fact it doesn't matter what he does, he will always seem attractive to me. Saw him in The French Lieutenant's Woman and that was it. He has an interesting face and it looks like there's something going on in his head. Might go see what wikipedia has to say on the delightful subject of Jeremy. Oh, I adored him in The Man In The Iron Mask.

This one here was actually the first one and it bears no relevance at all to the Jeremy Irons one.

i'll send an sos to the world, i'll send an sos to the world

Arrggghhhhh help !!!!!

See this? I scanned my pyjamas. They are indeed daggy flannelette pjs with these silly cows all over them. What am I - seven years old or something? The top has a bigger cow in the middle of it and underneath it reads: it's all about me. In other words, they are crappy twenty dollar pyjamas from Big W. Got them out of the clothes hamper to scan them. I'm really dragging the chain today so they haven't made it into the washing machine yet. Anyway, who cares about that.

Anyway, yesterday morning I'm doing housework in my pyjamas -vacuuming and stuff. Had to go to an appointment with ex-husband(yes, still here) a bit later. So after getting the few jobs done was then going to head for the shower.

So I'm in THESE PYJAMAS and Augustus goes:" So you're ready to go, then?".


So that's it, then - just there.

Guess if he did see me we would still be together, wouldn't we? - so in fact it's a bit of a silly point I'm making here.

I said to someone that I was going to write about this here, so here goes. Words that no one wants to hear ever again after all that media saturation: Terri Irwin.

An interview was shown here - was it only last week? It had me running for the tissues. It would break your heart. She said that she had lived a fairytale for 14 years and KNEW it while she lived it. She broke down while speaking of walking down a spiral staircase that she and Steve would usually walk down together - that he always went before her in case she fell.

He would always have been there to catch her. She would never had have to question that. That's all you want, isn't it? That covers just about everything. That's real security and it has nothing to do with finances, material possessions, and all that stuff that people get bogged down with and in - it's just knowing - that's it. That's all you need to know.

Mood - need to go find something for lunch
Music - jeremy by pearl jam is in my head now
Edited - Never

2006-10-04 22:30:57
you know we're never gonna survive...
Tonights blog - well the photo of Augustus doesn't show here and I have no idea how to get it to do so.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006
you know we're never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy

This is Augustus Gloop, the utter guts ache from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. He is here due to a conversation that I had yesterday with my ex-husband. Believe it or not he is my house guest at the moment - the reason why doesn't matter but it can not be avoided. It goes without saying that I am going completely mad (as opposed to only partly).

I put the dinner out and ex-husband starts to shovel it on in, not even pausing to chew, it seems.

I remark:" Do you have to feed it in like that - you look like Augustus Gloop!" (of course being an ex-husband he is in the unenviable position of not even being able to breathe properly from my point of view).

He says: "Come on, don't you find Augustus Gloop attractive?".

I say: " Oh, don't be such an idiot! You know what? I'm gonna put this in my blog, whaddya reckon".

So you see that there is an impasse.

We had to make a rather long - 6 hours in total - car journey yesterday. Oh dear. Thought that I should go mental.

The night before I say: " Hey, why don't you fill up a bottle of water for yourself?" . Actually I shall use the name Augustus rather than having to write the words ex-husband all the time because that gives me the peedoodles having to write it.

Augustus: "Nuh, don't want any"

Me: "But you're gonna get thirsty, you should never go in the car without taking water"

Augustus: no response.

So we're driving along and at some point Augustus starts reaching around behind his seat - which is his traditional spot for food and drink (daft thing to put it behind the seat if you ask me) and I ask :" What is it exactly that you're rummaging around for back there???"

Augustus: A drink of water

Me: What! The drink of water that you didn't bother to put in the car! What makes you think that there's any water in here for you?

Augustus: Because I know you

Me: It's in the boot in the esky, whaddya think.

Well it drives me mad, and it was the same with the chicken sandwiches later on - it is assumed that the food is there. Somehow the food just gets there. It must prepare itself and find its way into the car . It's magical how that food just appears there all by itself. The food fairy strikes again.

Later on Augustus goes: "Oh thanks for putting that water in, darling ". Obviously the comment and the darling was said as a stir and I should have let it pass, but couldn't help myself .

" What did you just say?"

"I said thanks for putting the water in"

"No, you said darling and you're not entitled to say it"

"Well you are a darling"

"Oh, bugger off".

Well Augustus is in the room at the moment reading over my shoulder. I hate that thing. Hope he reads what I'm writing this very minute. He feels the need to sing to me right this minute the words: I believe in miracles, where you from , you sexy thing. Needless to say it is a stir designed to make me feel physically ill. Oh, I can't wait to have the place to myself again.

Now shall go and have a proper look at the comments on the previous post for fun. Speaking of fun, enjoyed a news item tonight in which a driver was booked for having his car parked over a yellow line that wasn't there when he parked his car. It was painted in afterward and the parking inspector was apparently hanging around waiting for the line to be finished. Excellent.

By the way, if you feel sorry for my ex-husband you're quite welcome to him - and there can be a new Mrs Gloop. He has just made the daft comment that I should sell him on eBay. Arrghhhhh!!!!

Mood - nuts
Music - the oompa loompa song in my head
Edited - 2006-10-04 22:32:14

2006-09-22 18:44:21
use the soap
todays whiney blog...

Friday, September 22, 2006
use the soap

Why not write it today. I said in the comments of the previous post that I hate dishwashers and that the subject could have a post all of it's own one day ( even though it's obviously unworthy of such attention).

I really and truly believe them to be a hateful appliance.

I used to work as a nanny housekeeper in big houses and of course they had dishwashers and I was expected to use them - oh, except when there were horrible things to scrub such as big pots and pans and griller things and other assorted awful items.

This is what annoys me about dishwashers - it annoys me even to write it. YOU'VE GOT TO RINSE THEM OFF BEFORE PUTTING THEN IN THERE. It's ridiculous when you think of it.

And then of course you've got to load the ghastly thing, this thing here and that thing there. It takes for freaking ever to go through the myriad of cycles that it goes through. Need one of those plates in there? Well that's tough.

By the time you load a dishwasher you'd have the things done by hand.

You get the things out and they're still wet -yes, some of them are. There's yucky condensation in there and at some point you've got to clean out the dishwasher. Oh, how off.

And in order to be able to wash up more things YOU'VE GOT TO GET ALL THE STUFF OUT THAT'S ALREADY IN THERE!!! Oh, it's all so tedious and painful.

The old-fashioned way -quick rinse, do the glasses, cutlery, crockery, pots,(I'm a rinse the suds off as you go person), within 10 minutes it's all done. Let it drip dry and put away before bed or first thing in the morning. And the dishes feel clean.

If I had a house full of kids who made a mountain of dishes I'd make them do the washing up.

I have not been able to fully convey how I feel about dishwashers - but a good word to use would be erksome. I find them erksome.

Don't get me started about fabric softener in the laundry.

Mood - need to do the ironing
Music - freeze frame - j.geils band
Edited - Never

2006-09-14 19:42:54
smells like teen spirit
from tonight's blog...

here's the story of a lovely lady...

No, not at all. In fact it's the story of a bitchy teenage girl. Oh, I've been stewing over this for years and what a perfect place to get it out of your system. I think about this sort of silly thing when I can't sleep at 3 in the morning.

My family moved to a different place when I was 15 years old - year 10. The last year of school for some. So in other words everyone is settled in their groups and you go there and are "the new girl". What a drag. I'm sure that there will be others who can relate to this kind of thing.

So there was a test. I think the subject was health - you know how there's this class that you do and from memory it was sort of connected with sport. You know what? - I have no idea what it was. Anyway it was a test... of some description. We were told of it a couple of weeks before.

The day it was announced a so-called friend asked if she could borrow my book to catch up on some work as she'd missed a few days of school. Fair enough - she had been away so I had no problem with loaning it to her over the weekend.

So... every school day between then and the test I asked for my book back in order to study for it. She "forgot to bring it" every day. In desperation I asked a girl I knew in another class if I could borrow her book, but unfortunately in spite of some similarities the work we had been covering was different. Can you just imagine what this does to a 15 year old's head? That does your head in, that does. I certainly didn't want to tell the teacher about it.

Test day. Finish, hand in the paper. The girl reaches into her bag and says: "Oh, I've just remembered that I have your book here". What a complete and utter bitch.

One thing I have to say to that fat slag - that feels quite quite quite good to say that - I passed that test YOU MOLE. I got 89% in that test -it was the highest in the class, you scrag.

Thursday therapy. Love it.

Mood - a bit better now, actually :)
Music - heroes - david bowie
Edited - Never

2006-09-10 12:41:37
evil woman
This was from fridays blog...

Friday, September 08, 2006
evil woman

Will have this song in my head all day now.

It seems that people are taking out their grief over Steve Irwin as vitriol directed at Germaine Greer. And so they should! What kind of a person is she? She obviously has no heart and only thinks that she has a brain. Dried up old slag. Did this event only happen on Monday? It seems like it's been going on forever.

Mood - quiet mood on a rainy day
Music - evil woman by elo in my head at the moment
Edited - Never

2006-09-06 22:52:52
monday monday so good to me
(yes, from blog again)

Monday, September 04, 2006
monday monday so good to me

Happy to report that gut has resumed its regular program and no longer resembles Henry VIII. Excellent. It will never ever happen again. Not until the next time. It's a fact of life that women do get bingey sometimes. We just do. Accept it and move on. Sometimes it could be our luteal phase, sometimes stress. That's bollocks. Food just tastes good.New paragraph...

Speaking of stress - it's a weird thing, isn't it? What I mean is that like most people who walk (or who have ever walked) the face of the planet I have tough stuff, some of it in the past that refuses to go away, some ongoing BUT - WHY OH WHY is it that it's the little things that end up stressing you and driving you completely mad?

Example: walking on Saturday with 2 bags over shoulder, both hands full of bags of op-shop junk and things. In other words loaded down like a pack horse. Very hot and very tired. Walking along, walking, walking(don't drive so it's always walking, walking) and - botheration to it - notice shoe lace has come undone. Stop and go to unload everything in order to be able to deal with the shoe lace and in the process FLICK, off flies my watch. (All together to the tune of Click Go The Shears: flick goes the watch, boys, flick flick flick. The band's had the sword, but it still goes "tick"). FRIG that was so annoying. It's those silly things in life that make me mental. The big things you have to deal with because you don't have much choice. And other annoying things such as banging your leg on the bed, or something falling on your head. Hate that thing. Maybe this could be a list .

banging your leg on the bed

something falling on your head

this was the most annoying thing ever - on the way to pay for an ebay item - neil young cd - and then accidentally finding it in a shop cheaper but still of course having to go ahead with getting the ebay one

getting an itchy nose while you're washing up

muddy pawed labrador jumping on your clean clothes

catching your little toe on something

finding the perfect shoe - style and colour - and they never have it in your size

you save up to buy something - yippee you get it- and then it goes on sale the next week

you are expecting a parcel to be delivered but they turn up on the day you're out or when you're in the shower and you miss the delivery.HATE that thing.

ummm what else in this list of annoying things?

the fridge door won't shut and your have to rearrange things 27 times so it will. The culprit always ends up being a piece of pumpkin

having a great hair day when you don't have to be anywhere(and of course the opposite is true)

These are the silly things that make me irritable. No doubt there are more of them - but I can't think at present and that makes me irritable as well .

Mood - ready for sleep
Music - isn't it time - the babys
Edited - Never

2006-09-03 15:07:36
help me if you can i'm feeling down...
This is my blog entry from last night...

Saturday, September 02, 2006
help me if you can i'm feeling down...

No, that's not true. I just feel crook. I'M GONNA HEAVE. Ohhhohohoho. I'm sufferin' and it serves me right. Thought it would be a grand idea to sit up after tea and eat a 200 gram packet of Kettle Chips and then a block of Lindt dark chocolate -70% cocoa but still it has sugar in it and I'm not supposed to touch sugar. Frig. Then thought it would be a good idea to have a litre of water with a lemon squeezed in it. Now my stomach is fit to burst . I'm in the death agonys and no hope of going to bed like this so I have to sit here on the computer and type this twaddle even though I'm tired as buggery. Why would someone do this to themselves?? And next thing I'll probably put back the kilo accidentally lost over winter. Having lead- up -to- birth stomach uncomfortableness. MY GUT IS FIT TO BURST. I think that the general idea has been conveyed. I swear it looks like in the golden book of the saggy baggy elephant when he's in the water and you see his protruding gut. I still remember that book. It's looking abnormal.

Speaking of guts, I've been reading about Henry VIII(is that how you write it-not up with roman numerals) - one of the op-shop pile of books beside the bed- and it seems that he had a fair gut on him as well. High Five Henry -you and me , buddy. Have come to the conclusion that Henry was naught but a glutton with an ulcerated leg who should've kept things in his trousers. And I don't mean a supply of snacks.

Trivia for the day. Well, you know how one of Henry's wives was Jane Seymour? The actress that we know as Jane Seymour was actually born Joyce Penelope Wilhelmena Frankenberg and changed her name to Jane Seymour -obviously. It helped her get her foot in the door in the acting world as people felt that they knew her from somewhere. Good move, Joyce! What about this- anyone with a death wish could change their name to Anne Boleyn. Or simply eat too much and writh around in the death throes.

It hurts. mummy,mummy.O.K. distraction.What else.Oh while eating too much I was watching Robin Hood. Hadn't seen it since it came out 15 years ago. I am always impressed with the acting of Alan Rickman. Loved him in Sense and Sensibility as well - the way he won Kate Winslet's character over with his quiet perserverance. Ah, wouldn't it be good to go back to those times when men were men and they knew what their role was(lean back in chair -blagghhh). I wonder if anyone else ever does this silly thing. Surely at this age people should know their stomach capacity. Was I so busy medicating myself with food that I didn't notice?

Another thing I'm not supposed to have is corn. Still had some biscuits containing corn in the cupboard from ages ago and felt the other day that I was going to eat them so I had to go pelt them out to the dogs - ooh they thought they had it made and were grinning like idiots as they ate them. So that's the solution then. Next time I get in this silly situation -well before it goes that far- I will go tip out whatever it is to the dogs, the perambulating garbage disposal units. Better them than me.

Mood - ????
Music - chestnut mare - the byrds
Edited - Never

2006-08-29 11:22:20
it's the thrill of the fight
blog entry from today...

Tuesday, August 29, 2006
it's the thrill of the fight

I've said here before about something that gives me the dirts. This happens way too often. (Both me getting them and incidents that provoke them).

In the supermarket again. Should just go live in the place. It would make things easier. Anyway, in the supermarket again and had the urge to go and thump this woman. Thumping doesn't sound violent enough. Maybe slap her first, thump her, then ram her with the trolley and then run over the top of her while she's on the floor. Excellent. I can just picture it now... and then adjust my hair and clothes and keep walking innocently to the healthfood aisle.

Why are some people allowed to breed? If you're going to have children it's JUST NOT ON to abuse them in a public place(nor at home) . This woman was shopping with her 2 little sons and there she was telling them to shut up, telling them what little s**ts they were, that they were going to cop it etc. Why? Why? Because they dared asked her for a toy. The cow wasn't even making eye contact with them while she berated them. They weren't whinging, whining, or anything else -they just asked her. There she was looking at at the crap processed meat crud in the refrigerated section. So not only was she a complete bitch but feeding her kids rubbish food as well. Or more likely it was all for her - the fat slag.

Came to the conclusion that the poor children of this beast not only deserved the small toys they wanted but anything else that money could buy for putting up with their cow of a mother. She was a good case for enforced tubal ligation(is that the right word?). You could see the light go out of their faces.

Obviously this has made my blood boil. Some people just don't realise how lucky they are. It makes me sick. If that's how a person treats their children in a public place you can only imagine how it must be at home. Grrr...

Mood - riled up
Music - wichita lineman - glen campbell
Edited - Never

2006-08-27 12:53:39
the first cut is the deepest
Here is my blog entry from friday. (I'm actually finding it easier to copy from there to here instead of vice versa, because when I do so all the spacing stays in - but if I copy from here to there I have to the go through and put all the spaces back in . That was useless information, was it not?)

Friday, August 25, 2006
the first cut is the deepest

Yesterday was a momentous day here. Is that even how you spell momentous? Can't remember just at the minute.

It was poodle clipping day. Miniature poodle, actually. Somebody thought that they were being kind in giving me the poodle, but all it was was that their husband wouldn't let them keep it so I gave him (the dog) a home. In my naivety regarding all things poodle I had no idea at the speed with which the hair on the (frigging) thing would grow. Probably had it around 4 years now.

This is no pampered indoor poncey- fairy dog. He is wild, roaming the backyard with a labrador of monstrous proportions. He was overdue for the haircut for due to all his roaming in the wilds of the backyard he was.....well, there's no there's no other word for it - he was just filthy. He no longer looked like anything from the Animal Kingdom. Rather a Thing. A perambulating jungle. Dags hanging off him, covered with grass and dirt - but a happy dog regardless. Can't keep referring to him as dog - for the sake of anonymity and to protect the innocent I shall refer to him as ..."Keith". Hehe. Imagine if you really called your dog Keith, so unsuitable.

And just want to put here - I said that he wasn't some inside poncey dog. People who have dogs inside can kid themselves that their house is clean, but they're dreaming.

So to get to the point it was poodle haircut day yesterday. Because it's winter and there might still be a few chilly nights you can't go too short so I had to do it myself with scissors. Besides that I'm too tight to pay someone $50.00 to do it when it could be spent on better things, such as bulk packs of toot roll or something .

I have this ongoing problem with "Keith" when his hair gets too long and that is that I can't find his balls and other equipment and spend the whole time stressed out because I think I'm going to accidentally cut his little balls off. It is a dilemma, as you can well imagine.

Another thing is that he resists all attempts at conversation:

"Keith" - how on earth do you manage to get so dirty?

"Keith" - where does all this hair come from? It's coming out the bottom of your feet! It's growing out your ears!

"Keith"!! Stay still!! Let me do under your chin - you look like Grizzly Adams!

"Keith" has obviously spent too long in the company of a labrador to realise that it's considered impolite not to speak to the hairdresser.

Thank goodness in the end I was able to locate his equipment and he survived his trimming, ready once again to venture into the yard. To eat grass and regurgitate it. To run around and then SKIP with one leg in the air in his distinctly "Keithy" way.

I always end up covered in little bits of black hair and with a massive blister at the base of my left thumb because I'm left handed and scissors are a killer. And yes, tried those left handed scissors once and can't use them. And have destoyed 2 pairs of clippers on "Keith". But ah -what a relief when it's over! Can be content in the knowledge that it'll be a whole couple of weeks before it has to be done all over again.

"Keith" - you're a curse.

Mood - bit tired
Music - some of us - starsailor
Edited - Never

2006-08-25 11:12:56
song 2
This is blog entry from Tuesday.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006
song 2

I am sick to death of that stupid ad that says: what does your toilet say about you?

Let's imagine for just one minute that your dunny could actually speak. What would it REALLY say????????

"Oops, she's been on the turps"

"Ummmm...excuse me - would you buy some of that pot pourri scented product, by any chance? "

Another thing is this - humans really have become such wankers.Was reading this thing where you can buy midnight blue toilet paper in order that your number 2 won't show up on it as much as it would on white paper. Oh, come on! Are we really so delicate??? And all this scented and patterned dunny paper. For goodness sake - to put it bluntly - we wipe our ring on it. And then flush it away. Who CARES what it looks or feels like so long as it does the job. I get the cheapest bulk pack of it and throw it in the shopping trolley and who cares. There are better things to spend money on, no doubt! My ex-husband used to try and embarrass me by saying at the check out :"oh, you'll get plenty of wipes with that". And it's true. Plenty of them.

Mood - friday, on my mind
Music - unified field - the church
Edited - Never

2006-08-21 22:22:09
hey there, georgy girl...
... there's another georgy deep inside.

Bondgirl - you ,my friend, are worthy of a journal entry all your own. It will hereby be announced that Bondgirl,resident poster of questionable emails (haha), once believed Boy George to be a girl.

(bondy, you are so funny)

If you had reached this conclusion after viewing recent footage of him with broom in hand it would be quite understandable. What was he doing with that broom? Community service? I did find it amusing that there was a media presence while he swept. Frig, they can come and watch me while I sweep if they like. It would provide some distraction from the tedious chore and it would be fun telling them to bugger off, just as George did.

Bondgirl - you thought he was a girl and I thought he was straight - hahaha. My Dad saw him on telly and said:"oh he's queer", in the way of the enlightened country male. I said: no he's not Dad, he just likes to dress up and wear make-up to look nice.

Naive little country girl. I even collected pictures of him.What an idiot    .

Mood - really deluded
Music - above title in my head now, bugger it all
Edited - Never

2006-08-17 14:39:52
it don't matter to me
Blog entry from this morning.

Thursday, August 17, 2006
it don't matter to me

What a goose, did it again. Typed in a title and then hit enter, which publishes it. Too much in the habit of typing something into google and then hitting enter.tch tch.

Music confession time again. Yesterday and today - Bread. Yep, Bread all day and all night long . Apart from an intermission of Chilliwack. Good old Chilliwack. Took a photo of the turn off to Chilliwack when in Canada just for this reason. I get the urge to hear My Girl (gone, gone, gone) from about the 2 min 2o mark . Daggy -yes. Pleasing to the ears - yes, indeed. If i could only have one Bread song it would be "she's the only one". So pretty pretty pretty and somehow manages to make me feel happy and sad all at the same time.

On Saturday managed to get a copy of.....1982 out of the blue. Still remember it being advertised on telly. Had it on tape, but how much longer will it last? Wearing out, much like its owner.

side 1:

i love rock & roll - joan jett & the blackhearts
don't talk to strangers - rick springfield
six months in a leaky boat - split enz
the other woman - ray parker jr
only you - yazoo
view from a bridge- kim wilde
radio - members
do you believe in love - huey lewis and the news
shut down - australian crawl

side 2:

i ran - a flock of seagulls
hungry like the wolf - duran duran
it must be love - madness
island of lost souls - blondie
freeze frame - j.geils band
love plus one - haircut 100
shout shout - rocky sharpe & the replays
one perfect day - little heroes
classic - adrian gurvitz.

It actually still holds up really an 80's kind of way. Oh speaking of rick springfield, he was on "where are they now?" the other day and he hasn't held up too badly,either. He really did have a good little run there for a while with jessie's girl, i've done everything for you and don't talk to strangers. Those were the days . Actually ,what about a sing -a- long - wouldn't that be *fun* ??

Will go word hunting and be back in a minute... O.K., get some tight 80's jeans on -grab that microphone and get into this... don't talk to strangers.

(singing loudly)

When you were just a young girl and still in school
How come you never learned the golden rule
Dont talk to strange men, dont be a fool
Im hearing stories, I dont think thats cool
Why dont you tell me, someone is loving you
Cause youre my girl, some say its no longer true
Youre seeing some slick continental dude
Im begging you, please
Dont talk to strangers, baby dont you talk
Dont talk to strangers, you know hell only use you up
Dont talk, dont talk, dont talk,
Dont talk, dont talk to him
Nobody, talk, nobody, ever told you, dont talk
Now tell me, hows life in the big city
I hear the competitions tough, baby thats a pity
And every mans an actor, every girl is pretty
I dont like whats getting back to me
Now whos this, don juan Ive been hearing of
Love hurts when only ones in love
Did you fall at first sight or did you need a shove
Im begging you, please
Dont talk to strangers, baby dont you talk
Dont talk to strangers, you know hell only use you up
Dont talk, dont talk, dont talk,
Dont talk, dont talk to him
Nobody, talk, nobody ever told you, dont talk
*fais lamour avec moi (*make love to me)
Whats he saying baby*viens dormir, mon amour (*come to sleep my love)
I asked you not to talk to him
*je taime donne moi ton coeur ce soir (*i like you to give me your heart this night)
Im begging you
Dont talk to strangers, baby dont you talk
Dont talk to strangers, you know hell only use you up
Dont talk, dont talk, dont talk,
Dont talk, dont talk to him
Nobody, talk, nobody ever told you, dont talk
Dont talk to strangers, baby dont you talk
Dont talk to strangers, you know hell only use you up
Dont talk to strangers, baby dont you,
Baby dont you talk,Dont talk to strangers

Next time it will be a lesson on how to play supercalifragilistic etc on the recorder...

Mood - bring back rick
Music - she's the only one - bread
Edited - Never

2006-08-15 15:28:47
the way i feel...
Just pasted blog entry from today here...

Tuesday, August 15, 2006
the way i feel... tired as buggery. Haven't slept for days. So much so that just now I accidentally published just the heading and then had to go delete it, like an utter goose. It must be a day of feathered creatures because this morning I resembled a cockatoo. One of those days where you dry your hair and it sticks up in the air and , FRIG it all, it doesn't want to sit down. Though, fortunately, in the end, it did . Why does it always have to happen when you have to be somewhere?? And then of course when you're having a day at home it sits perfectly, each layer in place. Makes you feel like taking a photo and pulling it out and saying "see see I can look like a human and not a cockatoo!". WHY IS IT that females have a problem separating body image from self image??? A man would just go oh who gives a toss, but a woman goes around all day feeling like cockatoo woman. Grossly unfair.

This post does have some kind of point and it is that I was most fortunate to find a heap of very cheap old reader's digests today -5 cents each - dating back to 1966. Looks like there's some good reading in there. Thought I would share some article titles with anyone daft enough to be reading this. I inadvertently lied once before in this blog when I said that there are 4 piles of books next to the bed. There are actually 5. Now add 83 Reader's Digest magazines to that.

Can't wait to get into these...

Saga of the "chicken" Colonel (no doubt very secret and VERY spicy)

I am Joe's Prostate (huh?)

Four Legs and a Bunch of Claws (what the?)

I am Jane's Ovary (pleased to meet you)

The Enduring Mystery of Dyslexia (will no doubt stay that way - how the frig could a dyslexic read it???)

How Happy are You? (not particularly, but thanks for asking)

Your Hunches May Be Your Future (Quasimodo goes psychic)

The Baffling World of Psychobabble (explained here: big wank)

I am Joe's Hair (bet he doesn't look like a cockatoo and doesn't care if he does)

Trouble at the "Bedroom Olympics" (hmm)

I am Joe's Spine

How to Murder Your Husband (might have been handy a few years back)

How I Learnt To Stop Worrying and Love the Dog ( and I thought I had problems)

Advice To A Bored Young Man

I am Joe's Intestine (this article will be full of crap)

Do People Really Marry for Love? (??)

I am Joe's Adrenal Gland (makes me stressed just thinking about reading this article)

There's No Fleeing The Flea (just ask my labrador)

Praise the Potato! (then poke out its eyes)

Our Smallest Minority - Dwarfs (there are only 7 of them)

Here Come The Prostaglandins (woh, baby)

Are You A Genius? (no, just the opposite, thanks for asking)

I am Joe's Pituitary Gland

The Suicide of the Sexes (it had to happen eventually, didn't it?)

How Women's Lib Maketh (and Unmaketh) the Man.

Well, as you can see i have my work cut out for me. But when will I get a chance to read them!!!!!! Boo hoo .

Mood - tired as
Music - writing to reach you - travis
Edited - Never

2006-08-14 09:46:44
certain kind of fool # 2
This is my blog entry from last night. It's the follow up to the last one - now for the so-called good things...

certain kind of fool # 2

It's been a night of gordon lightfoot's don quixote album and now on to merle haggard. I like these songwriters with stories to tell. Earlier in the day it was Keane. Who knows what each day will bring . Depends which mood strikes.

I've been sitting here thinking: will I do it or not. Write the folllow up to the previous post. Why is that people find it easier to say negative things about themselves rather than positive? - when it could be such a useful exercise - to try and look at yourself in a positive light. Further to the journey into complete self-absorption...

why i am a somewhat tolerable person

ummm......hell, this is actually very difficult. Anyone who is reading this should try it for themselves - then you will know what I mean. I don't think I can do it.

O.K. I am mostly kind. Well I can be an utter cow at times, but for the most part am fairly kind. This is taking forever - can't think of anything at all.

What else? If you are elderly I will offer you a seat without fail.

I have manners.

I'm a tidy person.

(on a roll now )

I will admit it if I am wrong.

I won't continue an argument just to prove a point(not all the time anyway) .

I might not agree with you but will respect your point of view (unless I'm premenstrual in which case I might attempt to stab you with forks or any other implements that are hanging around).

I will help you if I possibly can (that includes pulling the forks out of your temples).

If I have a bit too much to drink the worse thing that will happen is the urge to play the harmonica very badly and to dance to heroes by david bowie in an ungainly fashion (frightening and disturbing, perhaps, but not intolerable) .

If I say I'm going to do something, I do it .

I am trustworthy.

Oh that's it. This is such bollocks. I can't even make a serious attempt at it. It really is difficult . Though maybe it's insecurity talking? A truly secure person mightn't have a problem with it at all.

Mood - oh, not sure
Music - luv - travis
Edited - Never

2006-08-13 14:27:08
certain kind of fool
This is from my blog again.

certain kind of fool

That is an eagles song - from the desperado album. Love bitter creek from that one.

The real title of this is why I am an intolerable human being.

O.K. This is going to take a while just to try and formulate some coherent thoughts...

I will sometimes listen to the same song over and over(and over) again to try and get the full meaning of it. Or else play the same record for days on end.

I will say to people "just listen to this bit here..... this little bit. Isn't it great?". That's got to be as annoying as hell.

I get cranky. Very cranky. Keep out of the kitchen unless you are being helpful! Don't get under my feet! Same goes for the bathroom.

At certain times I become a weeping wailing banshee and cannot be consoled. I want to be consoled but can't accept it. Steer clear.

I don't hold my tongue when I should.

If I hear you tell your child to "shut up" in a public place expect at least to receive a filthy stare and possibly an audible "some people shouldn't have children".

If you only have one or two items in the supermarket I will let you in front of me at the checkout but say thanks or you'll be considered a jerk for all eternity (so I'm a fake nice person?).

I feel at times like a walking raw nerve ending. Will verbally attack if provoked and sometimes if not.

I take too long in the bathroom.

I am full of crap.

I will bombard people with unsolicited health tips - how frickin irritating is that?(as is using the word frickin)

I have to have towels and things folded in a particular way (read here:trying to have some kind of control over life)

I am prone to annoying self-analysis.

I am quite opinionated at times and not always with good reason.

And the last reason why I am an intolerable human being is...

- because as much as I want to I can't turn back time. I can't change things and it makes me disgreeable.

Mood - self absorbed
Music - atlantic - keane
Edited - 2006-08-13 14:35:40

2006-08-09 18:04:06
rocket man (i think it's going to be a long, long time)
Well this is a chnage for me - today I'm going to copy my blog into the goodies journal instead of the other way around. This is called: adding variety to my life.

Got 3 more messages from complete tossers today. You know what? I just DON'T WANT TO KNOW that I can get it up in 19, 20, or 21 minutes. Nor do I want to purchase any product by the name of SPERMENHANCER, you WANKERS!!!!!! . I'm female and DON'T HAVE AN APPENDAGE of that nature. And even if I did I still wouldn't buy these ridiculously named products, you tosspots. What are they thinking - who sells this stuff. Or more to the point,(pun intended or not? -you be the judge) who buys it? . I wish they'd all just bugger off. Selling this stuff. Guess they've got to fill in the 20 minutes somehow .

Mood - hungry for tea, but don't fancy cooking
Music - the above title - elton john
Edited - 2006-08-09 18:05:51

2006-08-06 16:55:41
all things must pass
Was reluctant to get out of bed this morning  - Sunday morning and all. (Maybe didn't want to face cooking the breakfast eggs - incidentally there was crackage but no spillage this morning). So just stayed there and had a good think instead (it does happen from time to time). Came to the conclusion that life is like being dragged over the saw-dust covered floor of an old dance hall. It's true I tell you.

I grew up just down the road from the aforementioned hall. At some point someone must have decided that it needed a bit of a spruce up and it was painted a particularly unfetching shade of blue. Possibly like the hall in one of the Anne of Green Gables series of books except that in the case of the story it was done accidentally. This one was done blue by CHOICE.

A few years ago a storm blew the roof off and that was the end of that. Someone bought the building, demolished it and took it away bit by bit. Not so long ago I went past and saw the concrete steps - nothing else except for rubbish hanging around. It was dead and gone. Once it had been the life of the whole community -  now their IS no community there - except for a very few, everyone moved away years ago.

The blue hall once crackled with life and energy - people met their future spouses. Children  dancing, running in and out, getting in the way of the adults. Eyes sparkling, just happy to be alive.

We'd always do this thing. You would crouch down, a friend would stand in front of you with their back to you. They would reach back and take your hands and then RUN dragging you at a 100 miles an hour-so it seemed-over the slippery saw-dusty floor. Sometimes you'd fall and sometimes you wouldn't. Sometimes you'd hurt yourself and sometimes you wouldn't. And that's life - no guarantees. At all.

Mood - sentimental - or even just plain mental
Music - I can't tell you why - the eagles
Edited - 2006-08-06 17:08:40

2006-08-05 12:35:54
in the wintertime when all the leaves are brown...
There are many unpleasant things going on in the world at present. They are important. They will not, however, be discussed here. You see there is a much more pressing subject that  must  be expressed here and that is :TRYING TO BOIL EGGS IN WINTER.

Boiling eggs in winter. It's a drag. Everyone has rituals. One of mine is 2 soft boiled eggs on toast each morning. That's just the way it is.(Bruce Hornsby will tell you it's true).

I am SICK TO DEATH of them cracking every day and spilling part of their contents out into the saucepan of boiling water to become inedible little stringy bits of shite. What's the solution - leave them out of the fridge? Just not a "leave eggs out of the fridge" type of individual.

The preferred method is : 2 eggs into saucepan of cold water, bring to boil and then reduce back a bit for 5 minutes. This generally produces the best brekky ever.

There was this one time when in a fit of overwhelming tiredness accidentally tried to boil eggs without any water. This only became apparent upon the sound of  loud popping noises from the vicinity of the kitchen(yes, I am blonde as a matter of fact).

But none of this presents a solution - how to stop them cracking. It really is a winter thing - they don't do it in summer. I swear that the eggs are just being perverse. Maybe should put them into warm water instead? - but then the timing will be thrown out of whack. Eggs. I hate them.  Annoying little blighters  .

Mood - fairly silly and enjoying this rainy day
Music - suspended in time - olivia newton-john
Edited - 2006-08-05 12:46:01

2006-08-03 21:34:13
I like michael palin. More than a bit. A whole lot. But...
daftbird does his wife, more's the pity.

That title bears no relation to what will be written here but I haven't mentioned him in such a long time in this journal and his name just had to be said  .

Really what the title should be is something about etiquette - first thing is - is that how you spell etiquette? Is it considered poor form and bad etiquette to spell the word etiquette incorrectly?  Such vital points are raised here  BUT nowhere near as important as this which is the actual point of this entry - is there such a thing as blog etiquette? I am a blog reader, a reader of blogs. I like people. I like reading about what makes them tick. Thought for the day is this - does this make a person some kind of blog whore - sort of like the equivalent of the town bike ,but with blogs? The blog bike, perhaps? (instead of ride, read )

I'm going to shortly copy this into my own blog but thought it should go here in the goodies journal where bondy and "ethel" might read it - please tell me i'm not alone in being a blog bike. The only way I'll accept being one is if I get to have yellow streamers that come out the side of the handle bars, a red light on the front and a tray on the back to carry my toys around in  .

Mood - daft as
Music - heroes - david bowie
Edited - Never

2006-07-31 13:19:43
suspended in time
Music confession time again - on the weekend I bought a copy of the Xanadu soundtrack on CD. It wasn't enough just to own it on vinyl.(I love Gene Kelly )At the same time got Radiohead's O.K. Computer - 2 reasons - it was years overdue and was only $8.94 at Big W. Anyway, who cares about that. Oh, another confession - got triple Partridge family DVD. Showing age here.

Speaking of age -post birthday self-examination. The older I get the more mental I become. It's true. But the thing about birthdays is that they make you clarify things. So here is a list of very important things I've sorted out over the different stages of this life so far...

* If you wander off and sit under a horse in the paddock and your mother has to search everywhere for you she won't be impressed. She just won't.

*If you climb up on top of your parents wardrobe and in the process of jumping on to their bed you break their bed you will get a hiding . That's a given. Not only that but the friends waiting in line for their turn from the wardrobe will be disappointed

*If your mother asks you to get the curtains down she doesn't mean with a pair of scissors

*If you squeeze a blackhead it makes a pimple

*Whisky tastes quite good

*George Harrison was the loveliest Beatle

*The heart is a treacherous thing - but everyone has worked that out

*Writing life lessons is quite silly

*There's nothing like a good sunny day

*There's nothing like a good rainy day

*There's nothing like life

Well that's about it, really.

Mood - ummm...something
Music - let down - radiohead
Edited - Never

2006-07-27 21:49:53
fed up to the eyeballs and backteeth as well
The 7.30 Report - kept mentioning about the level of credit card debt. This is another thing that gets me riled up. Just another example of people not taking responsibility for their own actions. It gives me the peedoodles. I just don't want to hear about one more person in credit card debt - like someone forced them to get the card and spend like a dickhead. Then it's supposed to be the governments fault that they ran amok in the shoe store. Peter Costello following them around saying" Are you sure you don't want the matching handbag with that?"

Just imagine this - what about if people .....wait for it.....actually saved their money and THEN bought the item. I must be so incredibly naive.

OR what about if people in debt up to their eyeballs could learn to separate needs from wants. If you must have the latest whatever wankertron thing to keep up with everyone than it's highly probable that you are in fact a wanker just like them.

Example of needs -food, shelter, clothing. Example of wants - just about everything else on the planet.

I am living proof that you can function in the year 2006 without credit. Never had a card and never will. I have this odd little concept in my odd little mind which is this - if you have to put it on credit you can't afford it in the first place and if you can't afford it you just go without.  And guess what - I'm still alive!!!! And don't owe a soul one single cent.

Daftbird's Tips for Financial Freedom(because it's my journal entry and I can write any silly thing here  I please)

-that old thing -pay yourself first. Even if it's only a few dollars a week into a separate account . Leave it there. Ignore it. It doesn't exist.

-well there are no other tips . That was the only one I could think of. And here I was thinking of a new career in the world of finance  .

Mood - hmmm...rather daft today
Music - let your love flow - bellamy brothers(in my head)
Edited - 2006-07-27 21:52:19

2006-07-24 19:04:20
exercising my right
Did I REALLY see on the news tonight civil dickatarians waving placards protesting the fact that would- be terrorists are in court over planning murderous acts? "Talk is not a crime" they say - what about if it results in the death of one of your loved ones - what do you say then you complete and utter wankers. What is wrong with you people, you tossers??????????? If talk isn't a crime there should be no problem then with me expressing the thought that you all need a bullet.

You have been tuned to "rant for the day"

And in a complete change of subject would like to say that I hate the thing in winter when you get all snuggly in bed and then you have to get out to go to the loo. Hate that thing.

Mood - bit chilly on rainy evening
Music - boys of summer - don henley
Edited - Never

2006-07-11 22:48:10
Well that's not the real title. When this here journal got to 100 entries I thought that perhaps it might be a tidy  figure to leave it at  - but here it is 101 and I can't help myself.

O.K. A proper title can be late night lament because I can't think of anything else and because it's a song title ( The Moody Blues). I always thought Justin Hayward was quite lovely, but never been sure which team he bats for, incidentally.

Having a little spot (had to tie it in with dalmatians somehow, just to be a complete tosser) of melancholia at present. (Bondy, I think you can guess why).You know how it is when you get like this - silly things bother your mind


- whatever happened to my childhood teaset?

- whatever happened to the lovely young man who pretended to be my husband (at a time when I was actually married to another) to deflect the attention of an unwanted Gordon person. Even had a mock argument - it was inspired, brilliant - incredibly realistic. Thank you whoever you were. It was the best husband and wife fight ever. I won't forget you. I think we would be the star pupils at NIDA. Gordon, the intoxicated, was fooled in any case 

- whatever happened to my marbles? They became lost some time ago, as anyone who has ever read any of my previous journal entries can attest to. If anyone locates them please call 1800 - LOST.

It probably didn't help my case to watch Grumpy Old Women tonight. This was a bad move. Possibly particularly unhelpful to hear that the thighs of aging women end up resembling tapioca in a string bag. Just fabulous. Haha. Is this the future? Tapioca Tundra - Monkees song. Any excuse will do to mention The Monkees, Mike Nesmith in particular. MIKE NESMITH.

The only positive thing I will relate today is that a couple of weeks ago made a very happy purchase Of The Lone Gunmen series. This was rather happifying. Love that show.

Well no doubt this mood will pass but i wish it'd hurry up. It's the pits.

Mood - slightly melancholy witha touch of daft
Music - crystal ball - keane
Edited - Never

2006-06-29 12:59:48
advice for well-known people who will never read it anyway
This entry is prompted by something I read about Tim Rogers (You Am I). Well that and that I received a photo of him in an email from someone, which is beside the point. The thing is that I keep hearing about him getting the dirts with people (notice that I put it in a nice way?) and about his drinking  so this goes out to Tim Rogers (oh, it's fun to be silly)


Young man (I am flattering you because I am only a year younger and it makes me feel good about myself to think about you as young) - have you made the connection? See what's going on? The alcohol is damaging your liver. You are actually becoming "liverish" and cranky  . Slow it down or you'll end up a foul-tempered old coot, albeit a 6ft 3 one with a big nose (it was he commented on the nose himself - I for one never paid it any heed and I don't suppose anyone else did either).


Chris when you were out here....whenever that were once again pestered as to why you are still single. And it also came out that you were a bit stingy when it comes to parting with your cash. If you are in fact straight  it would seem obvious as to why you aren't married. I mean, who wants to work their ring off for years only to eventually give half their earnings to some manicured little blonde trollop type of grasping female.


Oh Robbie, you of much stage presence.When you were on Parky(whenever that was) you remarked that you had never been in love. Well to this I say that you are very lucky, and you should keep it that way. Though when the times comes that you think you want to find Miss Right....I don't think The One will be someone that shags you on the first date. Call me old-fashioned.


I have no advice to offer Leo. Just wanted to mention that's it's so good that he moved out here and is turning upon T.V. shows  - like Spicks and Specks last night. In fact it was a bit of a drag, though, because I tape that show , watch Prison Break and then watch Spicks and specks after that. Well, dash it, last night go to the tape only to find that the video heads must have been grotty -sound, but no picture  :'( .Oh, that's so sad. Have since cleaned the heads but too late for me to see childhood hero Leo. Oh,I'm such a big Nancy (if you even use that expression in reference to a female).I apologise for such a rambling and crap journal entry - i'm really  tired and it's not a time for writing when you're tired, is it?

Oh, forgot to mention Steve Kilbey


You eat too many soy products - even for a vegan. I had steak for dinner last night - and onions. Hell,it was good.

Over and out.

Mood - too tired to function, if the truth be told
Music - nothing in my way - keane
Edited - Never

2006-06-22 12:44:20
Was just googling around and found this in "amiright"

Madonna's song "Erotica"

Misheard Lyrics:
Bill Oddie, Bill Oddie
Rub your beard all over my body.
Original Lyrics:
Erotic, erotic
Put your hands all over my body.

I mean, come on- are they joking?? It MUST have been someone from this message board - someone like Edna,perhaps - or who else is it that loves Bill ??. Maybe you, Bondy. Though you are more of  Tim girl. Jodie, perhaps. Zaphod?Haha. Or maybe there really is some poor thing out there that really believed it to be the lyric. Anyway reading it made me feel quite sane. And that is no mean feat  .

Mood - in need of luncheon
Music - i forgot - lionel ritchie
Edited - 2006-06-22 12:46:44

2006-06-20 11:37:43
die a thousand deaths
Oh, I'm sure that everyone has a person of some description that you have a kind of "stirring relationship" with - whether it be with an Uncle or whatever. You know, you just sort of torment -you know , making silly comments about a new haircut and that kind of thing (i.e go on with crap).

Well anyway, there is a person that stirs me and I stir back on a daily basis. O.K. - this morning I was asked by the stirrer "What are you gonna get up to today?"  I reply " Got a heap of washing today and then will get on the computer and do some TAFE stuff"

(there's got to be an easier way to write this)

Stirrer: "You'd be LOST without that computer"

Daftbird:"Yep, can't live without it. It's up there with the washing machine. Oh, can't live without the microwave either. Just can't live without it"

Stirrer: "That's what my wife says about me"

Daftbird: "What?"

Stirrer: "She can't live without me"

Daftbird: "Oh, that's only because she doesn't have enough appliances"

ARRRGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I could just die!!!!!!!    Oh that sounds terrible - I didn't mean THAT but I'm sure that it was taken that way. There's no way I can ever refer to this snippet of conversation with the stirrer and say:" I didn't mean THAT kind of appliance" without having the life tormented out of me for ever more. Arrgghhhhhh!!! The shame!!!!! Hahahaha. Oh, but it's just not funny - in fact it's just a ridiculous thing, but not in a good way    .  Is this my life? hahaha.

Mood - I really don't know
Music - the battle of new orleans - johnny horton
Edited - 2006-06-20 11:39:54

2006-06-13 10:40:22
run, little mouse, run!!
No, this isn't the title of my latest ladybird book acquisition. Rather it's the first thought I had after reading something disturbing. A friend came to visit a few weeks back and being a good friend brought some food with her. I was cleaning the cupboard out and came across a packet of beancurd vermicelli that was accidentally left behind. Decided to check out what was written on the back of the packet. Would you like to know what it said? No? Well here it is anyway...

"The green bean Longkou vermicelli is made from the high quality green beans, with advanced facility and closed process, the products is bright and clean, fineness quality, rich nutrition, lubrication in the mouse and well delicious.  It is healthy and resilient, it is a convenient and good food for you to take or to entertain the gests and your friends ".

(Anne-Marie, if you read this-your vermicelli is here whenever you want to pick it up    ).

Hmmm. Velly Intellesting  .

Mood - strangely off my food :)
Music - cast no shadow - oasis
Edited - Never

2006-06-06 15:19:03
dorky entry
So now i've heard everything-they're going to play the music of barry manilow in particular public places so that hooligans won't hang around. Daftbird's hooligan translation=moronic young d---heads with nothing better to do (i mean,have they not discovered the goodies site-  ) .

I had to laugh when i heard that it was barry manilow-and it makes you wonder if he would have the reputation that he has - of being a complete and utter dork - if his name were...say.... michael or something instead of barry ? Test it out "michael manilow".No,out of all the names on the planet his parents thought that barry was the nicest. But no, his last name would possibly still remind me of fluffy marshmallows or something.

But i get the feeling that this use of barry manilow music as a deterrent hasn't been thought through properly -i mean every dag in a 5 mile radius will be drawn zombie-like towards the soothing barry sound and the parks will become full of crowds of coke-bottle glasses- wearing people swaying in time and singing passionately at the top of their voices "i write the songs that make the whole world sing!"

Actually -it sounds like fun - and then crack out the jatz crackers and the corn relish dip. Geeks of the world unite!!

Mood - hungry for corn relish dip now
Music - ohio-neil young
Edited - Never

2006-05-31 18:30:58
oh,what a feeling
i have come back in here to post some lyrics just for fun.In fact it's just procrastination-can't be bothered to make dinner and then wash up afterwards. But better move self-don't want to miss one minute of prison break tonight. O.K. enough with the procrastination.

Here are the lyrics-haha...

Dancing On The Ceiling

What is happening here?
Something is going on
That's not quite clear
Somebody turn on the light
We're gonna have a party
It's starting tonight
Oh, what a feeling!
When we're dancing on the ceiling
The room is hot...that's good
Some of my friends came
By from the neighbourhood
People were starting
To climb the walls
Ooh, it looks like everybody
Is having a ball

Everybody starts to lose control
When the music is right
If you see somebody hanging around
Don't get up right
The only thing we wanna do tonight
Is go round and round
And turn upside down
Come on, let's get down

So come on, let's get loose
Don't hold back
Because it ain't no use
Hard to keep your feet on the ground
Because when we like to ball it
We only want to get down
What? you say what?
It's love now...
Just get started
Everybody clap your hands, come on
Everybody have sense...

( everybody have SENSE ??-well,hardly).

Mood - quite silly
Music - just a boy-leo sayer
Edited - 2006-05-31 18:39:54

2006-05-31 18:13:16
musical embarrassment
This is what i was referring to in in a previous entry-the asterisk next to lionel ritchie. I'm sure we've all suffered it at some point-getting sprung listening to "rock n roll love letter" by the bay city rollers (or is that only me) .Well anyway here's the thing-i used to detest lionel ritchie-just plain hated his guts -wanted to string myself up over "dancing on the ceiling" -and more so over the video of it-arrghhhhhh!!!!! -running and screaming and waving arms around- a bit like that. But something has happened and i can't stop listening to lionel ritchie and the commodores all day long. I wanna hear "flying high". I wanna hear "three times a lady" -especially the mushy bit in the middle. (I think that's the key-middle age.) And george benson. Can't stop listening to him either -Turn your love around do do do do do do do. But here's the thing-with middle age comes this other thing -I NO LONGER SUFFER FROM MUSICAL EMBARRASSMENT. Don't give a stuff anymore what people think of my taste-haha.

So here are some music confessions.I have in my possession 2(count them) albums by the partridge family .Oh,yes. And a david cassidy solo album-actually it's fairly crap but he looks pretty on the cover.I have been known to listen to:

Bert kaempfert,herb alpert and the tijuana brass,gordon lightfoot,merle haggard,marty robbins,johnny horton,LEO SAYER-that's all the time,actually.ELO-can't get enough of them,either.I haven't stopped listening to the monkees since childhood.Mike nesmith solo stuff.What other musical confessions can be made in this here journal entry...o.k. i can't get enough of explosive radio hits 1978-here's the track listing...

side a

wuthering heights-kate bush
shut down,turn off-little river band
can't smile without you-barry manilow
shy girl-beathoven
work out fine-stylus
every 1's a winner-hot chocolate
for a few dollars more-smokie
ego-elton john
ebony eyes-bob welch

side b

standing in the rain-john paul young
jack and jill-raydio
still; the same-bob seger and the silver bullet band
if you can't give me love-suzi quatro
fool(if you think it's over)-chris rea
you keep me dancing-samanthe sang
lonely lives-beeb birtles/graham goble
because the night-patti smith group.

I even crank the volume right upfor ebony eyes and jack and jill. Oh another music confession-i own a copy of mark holden's greatest hits-listen to it and even sing along with it. Well it's all out now.All of it-and it feels good good good  .

Mood - i'm once,twice,three times a lady
Music - is it any wonder-keane(in my head)
Edited - Never

2006-05-22 18:56:30
dishing it out
Jodie this one goes out to you. You mentioned something that has got me typing like a fool-and trying to eat dinner at the same time. You mentioned in comment on previous entry about the dreaded spoon/water spray situation-it's detestable-and I find that not only does it go on me,it also sprays the blind above the sink.


* getting an itchy nose while you're up to your elbows in water-hate that thing

*accidentally bumping the plug out when you've only got one thing left to do (grrr)

*letting the water out and then you find that there's a frying pan on the stove that you forgot

*eating dinner on the lounge and forgetting that you haven't done the dishes and then coming out to the kitchen later to find a sink of dirty dishes-bugger them. Each and every one of them

*bits of food and crap in the plug hole.Yucky yucky.

*** this will be covered in next journal entry-hehe

Mood - don't want to do the washing up after writing this
Music - sail on-lionel ritchie ***
Edited - Never

2006-05-18 10:53:09
klutz week may 15th-21st,2006
I hope that's how you spell klutz;never been sure about that.  There's a week for everything else under the sun, so this week can be designated klutz week.

I realised it was klutz week when I somehow managed to cut my mouth while eating breakfast monday morning.  Good one. (yes,just on a regular good old normal spoon). It actually sliced right in the corner of the mouth (ouch). Come lunch time did it again-arrggghhh!!!! WHAT IS GOING ON??????? -  and had to continue eating the chicken soup while covering the sliced bit with finger.  Ridiculous.

Tuesday. Thought I'd try and look interesting and wear a scarf around the house.  Got it caught in the stove door.  Brilliant. Lucky stove wasn't on.  What an utter klutz.  Reminded me of the time I was doing a radio show and somehow became tangled in a CD cover.

Wednesday. Somehow managed to poke self in eye while working on the computer. Later in day...  come out of an op shop loaded down with...well if I be honest...crap(but good crap,if you know what I mean), casually dressed in jeans and a green jumper. So carrying at least 67 bags and in a desperate hurry to be somewhere by 10 to 3 I come out of the op shop and need to walk up a laneway only to find that there is a group of mourners,some still crying, others with red-rimmed eyes right THERE in front of me where I need to walk. and then the hearse just pulled out and started to make its way ever-so-slowly up the laneway.  So I realise that in order to get where I'm going will have to walk past the grieving people in a silly green jumper carrying evidence that my life is going on as usual while their beloved family member is dead in a box and either follow the hearse laden with bags and wearing a green jumper OR overtake the hearse laden with crap and wearing a green jumper. Stress stress no time no time. Just as head is about to explode/implode thankfully remembered a nearby arcade to walk through and still reach my destination by 10 to 3. Go through arcade and walk up the street just in time to see the hearse come out the top of the street and have to wait for it to go before being able to cross the pedestrian crossing. I mean am I living in a movie or something? Or is it simply the magic(pause) of klutz week  . And it's not over yet.

Mood - a bit klutzy ,but mostly daft
Music - three times a lady-the commodores
Edited - 2006-05-18 10:55:05

2006-05-14 14:09:07
Well,we all know how clever they were. Or should I say were/are.  Consider the Beatles song "two of us".  Did you realise that there's a particular line in that one just for middle-aged women everywhere who are concerned about certain appendages heading further south by the day? Well there is,and I henceforth dedicate it to us all. You don't believe there is such a line? It's true ,I tell you. Here 'tis...

"You and I have mammaries ( ) longer than the road that stretches out ahead".  Yes,you guessed it-in a childish mood yet again . Two of them indeed  .

Mood - weird music day
Music - tijuana taxi-herb alpert & the tijuana brass
Edited - Never

2006-05-07 13:33:16
something strange in the neighbourhood
You know how in life there are people that could be considered rather...umm...singular? Well my ex-husband's nanna is one of them. He rings up last night and in the midst of conversation mentioned something that i found amusing (it doesn't take much  ). Apparently nanna was cleaning out her stuff and found a dustbuster unused,still in the box. Decided to give it to her daughter-asked her daughter if she like to take the ghostbuster home with her (oddly enough later after the call i flicked throught the t.v. guide to find something to fill in the time before cracker started and noticed that ghostbusters was on telly last night-weird). I can't really call her Miss malaprop,so i'll call her Granny malaprop. We sometimes have conversations about gardening and without fail she always calls anemones ENEMAS -as in -i put in half a dozen enemas today (oh course i feel tempted to say-oh,that must have been painful-but bite my tongue). Another one of hers is ventil for ventolin.  Of course there are others but i can't remember them off hand.  Well nan,she's a character and no doubt the world will be a lesser place when she's no longer around-and i'll plant some enemas in remembrance .


If there's something strange
In the neighborhood
Well who ya gonna call?

If there's something weird
And it don't look good
Well man who can ya call

Who, I ain't afraid of no dust
Who, I ain't afraid of no dust

If you're seeing things
Behind your fridge
Well who ya gonna call

Clods of earth
on the loungeroom floor
Now who can you call

Who, I ain't afraid of no dust
NO Who, I ain't afraid of no dust

If you're all alone
Pick up the phone
Call an infomercial and get a


You fat dopes and freaky housewifes
Now, who ya gonna call...

Who ya gonna call...
Dustbusters (x4)


Mood - particularly foolish
Music - another one bites the dust -queen ;)
Edited - 2006-05-07 13:36:31

2006-04-30 16:59:32
phar lap
Thought i had a public toilet to myself on friday,but ,ALAS,it was not to be.  Suddenly i had the most uncomfortable feeling that the cubicle next to me was in fact a stall containing a racehorse. Ms P.Lap hadn't mastered the knack of the "silent public toilet wee" . It is possible,and you don't even have to wait for someone to flush before you go for it .Arrgghhh!! Did she have no shame??-afterwards whilst washing hands i noticed that she was old enough to know better-actually i've just worked it out-maybe she is at the age where you can't do a silent wee anymore-where the wee has a mind of it's own-and it has a lot on its mind. i realise that this is an odd subject for a journal entry,but i've NEVER heard anything like that wee in my life. Not ever. Never

Mood - ..must go to the loo
Music - wild horses-rolling stones(not really :) )
Edited - Never

2006-04-26 13:19:55
paint it black
In a case of false advertising i perched on the lounge in anticipation the other night to watch rolf harris paint the queen on the ABC-and HE DIDN'T PAINT HER AT ALL! He did however paint a canvas with her likeness-and very well done ,too  .  So her Highness isn't into bodypainting ,then? Yeah it is a bit trailer trash. And good old rolf-not a wobbleboard and sight,but oh how good it would be if he might trim his nose hair-come on rolf,you can do it.

Rant-ish section of post

Looking through the newspaper-why IS every second child today named taylor or tayla. Sorry to anyone reading this if is is in fact the name of your beloved offspring. And every other child is ashleigh/ashlee/ashley -in the voice of that old scientist-why is it so?? The worst offender is michaela-i know someone in their 30's with that name-it suits them-great-i don't care how many kids have the name -so long as it's spelled properly.Spare us from mikayla and mekayla-i'm sure i'm not alone in gagging when i see it written. I was given a popular name in 1970-why do think that i prefer "daftbird" (apart from the fact that i go on with crap here and would prefer anonymity-hehe).

Mood - silly
Music - ohio-neil young(yet again)
Edited - 2006-04-26 13:22:57

2006-04-21 13:26:51
mock of ages
I touched(ooh)on this before in another so-called journal entry.About kiddle age. In the meantime it's  become oh-so- clear in my mind-the 3 ages of man


See-it's all so simple.  Except that kiddle and middle are interchangeable. Also kiddle and piddle.  Oh,and i guess middle and piddle if a woman pops out too many kids and ends up incontinent or some such thing. Or springs a leak for some other reason,like she's the princess and the pee or whatever . In fact this really is quite a crap explanation of the life cycle and should be disregarded .

Mood - daft as usual
Music - ohio-neil young
Edited - Never

2006-04-19 11:32:05
know when to run
Saw a frightening and disturbing sight yesterday.  Just plain scary.  Found myself sucked into watching an infomercial-superstars of country or some such thing-flogging country music.  To be honest  i was sucked in by let your love flow by the bellamy brothers and if i didn't already own that song might be tempted to buy all the cds to get that one song.  That came under the subtitle of "true confessions". Enough with the true confessions.  The truly scary part was that i didn't realise that one of the hosts of the infomercial was KENNY ROGERS  until the co-host of the infomercial pointed it out!!!  He was SO  face lifted that he didn't even look like himself.  So why would anyone bother if you don't even look like YOURSELF anymore??  Surely the point would be to become a better version of yourself? His brow was so tight it was ridiculous.  But i never would have known it was him unless it was mentioned.  Everyone considered him the forehead of the county.  Cher,victoria principal,that creepy wildenstein(spelling?)woman,and priscilla presley eat your heart out. Kenny,your gamble paid off-you outfreak 'em all      .

Mood - oh,who knows
Music - jack and jill-raydio
Edited - 2006-04-19 11:35:02

2006-04-15 18:31:24
it'd give you the dirts
There's this hair stuff that i love-it's good stuff,rub it on the hair and it goes all kind or curly and wavy. By the by-my hair's sort of shoulder length,no a bit more than that.Oh who cares about that.  The point is that the stuff is good. It's too good.  In fact it's so good that you can never get it because it's that popular.  Been trying to get more of it for months.  Go in the shop-none there AGAIN.  In desperation go to the counter-is it possible that you can get extra in because i've noticed that this product is always gone and yet the other products by the same manufacturer are always sitting there.  Could not someone ,say,order extra of product X and less of products Y and Z.???? The response was "no,we don't do that" .I'm thinking WOULDN'T THAT BE PART OF RUNNING AN EFFECTIVE AND FINANCIALLY VIABLE BUSINESS!!!!!! It really is enough to give you not only the dirts but the peedoodles as well.  Sometimes i'm quite convinced that the world is an utterly mental place.  Just mental.Mental .

Mood - mental
Music - burn to shine-ben lee
Edited - 2006-04-15 18:33:39

2006-04-09 14:57:43
on the dark side
...oh,yeah,on the darkside oh yeah (hand clapping) ...slipped to the dark side...  (eddie and the cruisers moment).

Thursday night-blackout-rummage for torch and candles. Luckily have just finished cooking a big pot of stew- and it's still piping hot. Have a shower by candlelight-flattering,no doubt. Sit at the table -not on the lounge-and enjoy the nourishing food and the candlelight. Felt like a middle aged laura ingalls or, better still,jane eyre. Time slowed down and all was quiet and peaceful.  It was quite delightful,actually. What to do after dinner?-get the harmonica out and play some rather woeful versions of josie by donovan,the bit from apple scruffs by george harrison,blowing in the wind, the skye boat song and others that I can't remember now.Oh some neil young as well,for good measure.Haha,it was fun. Would have moved on to piano by candlelight but the power came back on-dash it-and "life" resumed .It was a great time while it lasted. Get up in the morning and find that my fridge is DEAD due to a power surge,and everything in the freezer section is defrosted. Brilliant .Friday go spend $1000 on a new refrigerator .In all the harmonica excitement forgot to unplug my poor fridge    R.I.P Mr Sharp Frost Free 1993-2006. Worst of it is that i have complained about my fridge,how it was too small and i couldn't fit the carrots in etc-well i didn't know how much i loved it until it died!!! A bit like when my ex-husband's german shepherd played on the road one day .Sob sob.Moments like these you wish the crying face in the toolbar thing up there would work properly  :'(  .

Mood - lamenting the loss of my fridge
Music - tender years-e & the c soundtrack
Edited - 2006-04-09 15:09:29

2006-04-04 10:28:37
well... it's all over,red rover
It's official, then.  As J.Argent of Gawler,SA said in the Australian Women's Weekly in July 2005...

Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not for the toy .

Dash it all,then. BUT what about those of us who are goodies fans and will  buy a whole box of Plastic Spacemen just to get that one cornflake out of the bottom of the box? Where does that leave US ? This is a real poser,isn't it?  Is there a new category for such disturbed individuals? Not middle age,but.....(think think)...kiddle age?(yes,i realise that's a pathetic attempt) Must say if i could recapture the excitement i used to receive from scrabbling through the vitabrits box to get the iron on patch,life would be grand indeed  .

Mood - hmmmm...hungry
Music - don quixote-gordon lightfoot
Edited - Never

2006-03-31 17:19:32
middle age-it's a drag
In this week-the week that started with the ominous jaffa turd squishing incident-comes a terrible realisation-arrrghhhhh!  This thing-in the last couple of weeks my eyebrows have been misbehaving, whereas previously after being groomed they would just stay in place quite happily all day long. It's been really giving me the peedoodles -to come home from somewhere only to realise that your eyebrows are all over the place-and that you look like an unkempt woman.  Of course the terrible realisation is that the reason it's happening is because THE EYE SKIN ISN'T WHERE IT USED TO BE!!!!!!!!RUNNING AND SCREAMING!!!!HANDS IN THE AIR!HELP ME!!!!!.(help me was said like albert brooks in "mother",to set the scene) .The skin must be dragging down,taking the brows along for the ride. Frig,it's only gonna get worse from here.Is this the point at which women shave them off and start pencilling them in? So 2 options-put up up with AWOL eyebrows,or look like a drag-queen. When howard jones sang "things can only get better" it's obvious that it wasn't from the point of view of a 30-something sagging eyebrowed woman.

Mood - aging rapidly
Music - shakeswayandance -gene benjamin
Edited - Never

2006-03-28 12:24:36
things can only get better
woh woh woh woh woh woh woh (having a howard jones moment).

Well the week started ominiously(spelling?) .First thing monday morning stepped out of the front door and on to a orangey coloured and decidedly squishy dog turd.The exact type that sticks right in every ripple of your shoe. As i didn't wish to pelt my good shoe,had to resort to cleaning it with an old toothbrush.Oh it makes you feel crook in the guts just thinking about it. And what the hell were they feeding that dog -jaffas?? It was very odd coloured dog bog. I know what i would feed that hound,coming and doing his business on my lawn-curse him!

So it's tuesday and hopefully the week will pick up a bit. And i won't pick up another unwanted passenger on the sole of my shoe. i hate that thing.

Mood - quite silly,actually
Music - under pressure-queen & david bowie
Edited - Never

2006-03-26 18:21:11
from dr to eliza
Last night  watched My Fair Lady for the first time in years.Saw it in a different light than i did as a child. Actually paid attention to the dynamic between henry higgins and eliza dolittle- the way he called her an insolent hussy and even a brazen hussy -ah,brilliant and there should be more of it,for isn't it every woman's dream to be called  an insolent hussy-well of course it is!!-possibly by the likes of TBT -haha.

Mood - thinking what to eat for dinner
Music - waitin' on a sunny day-bruce springsteen
Edited - Never

2006-03-23 17:33:09
doctor dolittle
This comes under the category of things that annoy.Recently my ex-husband got crook at work-dizzy spell and all.Had to go have a whole lot of tests,brain scan and who knows what else.It did ascertain that there was one there(which i was never quite sure of,to be honest  ) ,but shed no light on the cause of the problem. I questioned him about it-bearing in mind that he's carrying an extra 20 kilos (which some people mightn't think is extreme -but to put it in perspective is a third of my body weight) WOULDN'T YA THINK that they's ask him about his diet-what he eats,what he drinks,does he exercise??? No,none of the doctors he saw asked him anything of that nature.A couple of days later it happened again.I questioned him thoroughly and it seems that previous to both episodes he'd had a particular kind of sugary orange juice.Probably spiked his blood sugar,it dropped and he got dizzy.i told him to wake up to himself and clean up his diet and quit it with the fatty and sugary foods. What hope has anyone got if a doctor won't even ask the right questions??? Someone's got eczema?-here's a prescription for some cream(yes,but what's CAUSING IT???).Thankfully there are SOME good ones out there but the rest need to lift their game-bandaid treatment isn't good enough.

Mood - a bit hungry
Music - cigarettes will kill you-ben lee
Edited - 2006-03-23 17:36:19

2006-03-19 10:17:20
you got to carry that weight a long time
Bondy,unbeknownst to you,you have inspired this rant.You mentioned in your comment in pete's journal about childhood obesity.The whole subject gets me riled up.All we keep hearing is how the government is expected to solve the problem-well unless they're going to become the food police that's pretty much out of the question.I take the hard line with this-if you let your child become obese-it is child abuse because let's be realistic-a kid will eat what they're given or what's in the house.Don't think too many 5 year olds do the weekly grocery shopping. A simple equation comes into play-you feed them crap they'll look like crap.And yes,kids can buy stuff at the canteen-but not if a parent doesn't give them the money-and i'm sure they won't have many friends if they're trying to scab food or money from them constantly.You've only got to look in the supermarket and you see the fat kid with the fat parent-and it's very sad.Everyone knows what healthy eating entails-they simply don't want to do it,or think that it applies to them.The whole thing is a disgrace.People are just feeding their kids little packets of s**t and it gets me so cranky and if i hear one more time about how the government should fix it i'll just scream.Where does personal responsibility come into it?I guess the unfortunate thing  of it is that the health system has to pick up the tab for stupid irresponsible dopey behaviour.

Mood - too ranty for so-called relaxed sunday ;)
Music - hit the ground running-tim finn
Edited - Never

2006-03-16 12:05:08
let the games begin
I was really annoyed-annoyed i tell you-to sit down last night only to find that due to the commonwank games opening ceremony on channel 9 that 7 had changed their programming as well-no Prison Break!!! .Not on-that's not on!!!.Flicked over to 9 at one stage just in time to hear the church singing under the milky way -so at least there was some saving grace-but even that was screwed up by having those daft motorbikes there.Who thinks up this stuff!!!!!.And the poor old queen-pity her because she has to sit there and look enthused even though she'd be sitting there thinking this is boring the pants off me .In passing,i wonder if she was wearing nice pastel yellow ones to match her outfit.

Mood - expressive
Music - riding to vanity fair-paul mccartney
Edited - Never

2006-03-16 11:53:03
last night i thought i cut myself on a piece of
frozen lettuce.There are gremlins in my refrigerator.Yet another reason why it needs to be replaced.SOMEHOW the lettuce ended up at the back and languished  there and,shall i be frank(not betty),started to go off.So it was off and frozen at the same time. I removed it to the sink to peel off the off bits and i would've sworn that it cut my finger-akin to a rough paper cut.But no!!!Alas!!A very lucky escape!!! Attack of the Killer Tomatoes eat your (ox)heart out.Not kidding about gremlins-which the following will demonstrate-also found-in the freezer this time-a quarter of a green was quite frightening because upon sighting it thought that something had putrified in the freezer somehow.WHO would put capsicum in the freezer?Wasn't ME so it HAD to be a gremlin.You can't trust them for even one minute.Darned pests they are.

Mood - icy
Music - friends to go-paul mccartney
Edited - Never

2006-03-15 16:16:18
yesterdays news
i'm writing this journal entry in lieu of a proper one as i'm too knackered to write one.i thought i should,in an act of...whatever...,write this for anyone who thought by now that this journal should  have another entry in it-because i,too,hate that thing when you go look in a journal because you think the number of entries has gone up,but when you get there in fact you realise that you were simply having a mental moment and that there is no new entry after all.Nothing new to read there-i hate that thing.And then after a few days you wonder if the person is dead or something.Are they are alone in their flat being eaten by cats??? . Well ,in fact,i guess the number of entries in my journal will have gone up with the addition of this,even if it is utter crap.

Mood - ummm....something?...
Music - too much rain-paul mccartney
Edited - Never

2006-03-12 15:55:57
??oh..thingo..or something
i have been trying to get a copy of 8 delicious episodes for ever so long.Oddly have had the second one for some time,but the first one proved to be elusive.I've even in the past bid on one in ebay,but it  went annoyingly high.In big w on the weekend,not even looking,and what do i see???A whole heap of delicious episodes for $24.82.How goodie is that .

Anyway,the true purpose of this journal entry is to have a general rant.Nothing like a good rant to make you feel better.This one is to do with men mowing the lawn again.Why why why do men feel the need to mow the lawn in the heat of the day-all around me they were mowing today.Let's see-mow in the heat of the day OR -here's a novel idea-WHAT ABOUT waiting until the sun goes away!!WHY is this SUCH a difficult concept to understand????-do they all have rocks in their heads!!Those type of mowers annoy me,and also the 8.30 AM saturday morning mowers-ooohhhh-watch out! The day might get away from you! Also-this other thing-why is it that the older people get, the earlier in the day they put out their garbage bin for collection? It seems there's a race to get it out at 4 in the afternoon in case of missing the garbage truck that comes at 10AM the next day.Gotta watch that pesky truck-never know when it might turn up 16hrs early.Oh,and another little rant-i watched a little of that aerial skiing when it was on-it really is such a wank-WHY????

SBS update,i flicked over again last week in time to see someone dissecting a 250kg squid.His life work was to study squid.Whatever floats your boat-and nary a love doll in sight.

Mood - ventish
Music - a man and a woman-U2
Edited - Never

2006-03-07 22:19:06
i am henceforth going to use the above word to describe music that makes me feel sick.This covers all sorts such as anything even vaguely rappish(blondie's effort in "rapture" is excluded from this),mariah carey,michael bolton,celine dion,whoever the female singer of the moment is and so on.Though now i feel mean because celine dion is a nice person-i bet SHE doesn't have a blow up doll at her house.Oh,add guy sebastian to that list.And most dance music.i would listen to nana mouskouri before that.I hate stuff with off lyrics-definitely spewsic.Oh,and novelty songs-that agadooo song years ago made me want to string myself up .

Mood - ranting as usual
Music - trampolene-julian cope
Edited - Never

2006-03-06 10:01:03
should be blown up
something that mazzanda mentioned in the forum has reminded me of something disturbing i saw on telly a few days ago-it goes without saying that it was on sbs  .Flicking around between channels-what do i see???-some sick guy that owns 40 blow up dolls -no,what was it they called them-lovedolls or something-as if one of them wouldn't have been enough.Anyway,it was one of the SICKEST things ever-and i felt so sorry for the poor dolls!!!!arrghhhhh!!!!.One guy had a favourite doll that he took everywhere with him and liked to photograph her in different locations and different outfits.He was convinced that her facial expressions changed if she was happy or sad(who's the SAD one??)And i thought i was sick just from being addicted to a goodies website.Are these people really so disconnected that they think that sort of behaviour is normal?It's worrying from the point of view that we really don't know what goes on in people's homes-and after seeing the lovedoll program i don't think we WANT to know.

Mood - a bit irked,actually
Music - ohio-neil young
Edited - Never

2006-02-27 21:59:16
i love you,ricky gervais
Well of course not,i don't even know the man.Watched him on Parky the other night-well not literally ON Parky.Ricky Gervais was a guest on the Parkinson program-i think that's a better way to put it.Anyway ricky said that women SECRETLY fancy him-that only if coerced would they admit to it because it would be too embarrassing to admit that you fancy him.Well it's untrue-i declare it here and now that he is quite fanciable,even if a little portly.And getting on a bit.No,i take that back because the camera does terrible things to people.The thing which amused me was seeing the children's book that he'd written with weird creatures in it and was watching the show with mind off on another tangent at the same time.It put me in mind of school days when we all had to draw a creature for a project and my classmate,cathy,got into trouble when the teacher saw hers which was some kind of space alien thing-the reason for all the strife was because she said that it had 18 TITS.Tits,mind you.This was 5th class,1980.She had drawn all 18 of those TITS on the page,and among the listed features of this creature was the fact that it had 18 TITS.Then it got me to thinking how my sister had threatened to dob me into mum because i'd said a bad word-PERCY,a swear word in our house(as in point percy at the porcelain).All these weird thoughts while parky interviewed ricky.i wonder if parky has ever used the word tits,or percy for that matter.i can imagine ricky saying those words.So it's naughty cathy,daftbird,and ricky.And goodnight from parky.goodnight.

*the cd arrived today

Mood - thinking how i need to wash the dishes right now
Music - like a hurricane-neil young *
Edited - Never

2006-02-25 11:51:12
wouldn't it rip ya #2
Some things annoy the hell out of you.This is another one.Wednesday afternoon- a mission to make a deposit at a local bank in the smallish town where i live.There's a sign on the door  which indicates that they are shut between 1 and 1.30 pm and i have arrived there at 25 past 1 according to my trusty black-banded watch.Decide to kill 5 mins by having a wander around a department store.Sitting right at the front of the CD rack,what do i see as i walk past?Neil Young's greatest hits-at the really good price of $15.00.Then i have to walk back down to the bank and go in and pay for neil young's greatest hits that i found on ebay for $11.00-but $18.00 with postage and all that crap.OH THAT WAS SO ANNOYING!!!!!And not only that-but it bothers my mind from the point of view of being one of those weird cyclic things as well-because the only reason i saw the neil young cd in the shop,was because i'd already found it on ebay.And why did i want it in the first place as I already have all the songs in some form or another.So i am annoyed with (in no particular order) ebay,the bank (for being shut),myself ,and neil young.

Mood - oh,a bit petulant when i think about the above
Music - 1979-smashing pumpkins
Edited - Never

2006-02-21 09:22:05
ladybird book review #7062 -the princess and the pea
I've actually been trying to track this one down for a while-little bit demented,perhaps?This is another happening one from ladybird.Here's a little bit of the story...


"Once upon a time,there was a prince.When he grew up he wanted to marry a princess.But he wanted her to be a real princess.The prince went all over the world looking for a real princess whom he could marry.The prince met many princesses but there was always something the matter with them.One was too tall and another was too was too sad and another was too gay."

So there you have it.BUT i put it to you that it was the prince who was gay-it's obvious from his fastidious nature,and also that he could see no redeeming features in all the women he met.Also-if you could see the outfit he's wearing in the book,there's just no question.

The prince's mother decides to test one particular young lady who claims to be a princess by putting a pea under 20 mattresses and seeing if she can feel it.I think it would've been rather more interesting if the book title was


-with a plot involving an incontinent princess who just CAN'T stop wetting herself-and the bed- inspite of many medical treatments and the prince falls in love with her anyhow and declares his undying love for her,even as she  piddles herself at the altar.Excellent.

Mood - creative
Music - charlotte anne-julian cope
Edited - Never

2006-02-16 18:50:34
oh dear-i 've got BIG problems
It's official-the above title is indeed true.i knew for sure last night when watching spicks and specks and they showed the clip of a seona dancing song(pronounced shawna) and i found ricky gervais very very attractive in that way that singers were in the 80's.So much so that i just found a website and am putting the link here...

and nice pic here in someone's blog

I CAN'T BELIEVE that i went looking for pics of ricky gervais.Oh,problems .I found him attractive ina kind of bowie/sean kelly teeth way-if that makes sense.

Mood - lost it
Music - cracking up-nick lowe
Edited - Never

2006-02-11 11:37:36
michael's meal
Have been reading michael palin's book,AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAYS.Got it on ebay,but that's beside the point.Am going to put here a meal that he mentions by way of having some sick fun.

First he tells of watching a snake being killed,then goes on to say....the cooked snake appears(in many forms)at table.It tastes of rich chicken,and is served as part of a long,and i have to say,delicious meal of which i can do little more than relate the menu

snake bladder liquer

cat and snake soup

shredded snake with brocolli

snake balls(tender morsels of deep fried snake)

rice birds(these are the smallest birds i've ever eaten,and they come whole,but plucked.None of our party ate the head,which to the chinese is the supreme delicacy)

ginseng,chicken and mushroom soup(served from a silver steamer with coiled-snake handles)

fresh fox(fruit-eating foxes,which live only on bananas and taste of venison)



The proprietor assures us that all his snakes are free-range.

Well Michael obviously survived this meal because he ate it back in 1989.

Mood - strangely off my food
Music - something borrowed,something blue-ben lee
Edited - Never

2006-02-07 15:24:05
whatever it wants to be
First-i must amend what i wrote before-about the texta ad-there's no hand in it at all-that was in my head-but the texta sound effect does exist and it's still horrible.And i still don't know what the ad is about.And who cares.

After all this time am only just  getting used to the fact that i can put any old thing at all in this journal and bearing that in mind am going to put a couple of song quotes here just because i like them and then can see them written here whenever fancy strikes.Under the subtitle of "daft song quotes"...

you saw brigadoon
i saw the crescent
you saw the whole of the moon

and number 2...

ain't getting old,ain't getting younger though
just getting used to the lay of the land.

Ah,music is so happifying!  .

Mood - that's a tough one...
Music - i want you to know-julian lennon
Edited - Never

2006-02-05 09:57:00
yank it
Continuing on the previous rant...also the face cream ad where the woman rubs in the moisturiser OVER A FULLY MADE-UP FACE!Like that'd happen!It's the most ridiculous thing a person would ever hope to see-i hate that thing.And the ads where they show young women supposedly waxing legs that are are already hair free with wax strips-and they're having SUCH a fun time of it!Yay!-let's get our leg hair yanked out by the roots-wouldn't that be a hoot.For goodness sake!-just get in the shower and use a cheap old razor and take a minute(literally)to do  your legs.All this wax and crap and fancy razors-such a big wank.

Mood - smooth- legged & fancy free
Music - beautiful world-devo
Edited - 2006-02-05 10:00:31

2006-02-01 22:39:59
oh what next
Advertising is simply becoming wankier by the minute.On telly tonight saw an ad for face cream that gave me the irates.Apparently it will make your pores disappear.Call me a simpleton,but surely if your pores disappeared it would mean that YOU had disappeared??Surely the ad should have been saying something along the lines of "minimising the appearance of open pores"?Oh it's all such a big wank.Oh and that ad where you see a hand ticking a box with a texta-i don't even know what it's about because i have to change the channel while it's on because it gets me cranky because i can't stand the sound of the  texta.i hate that texta.A real lot.Like fingernails down a blackboard.i'm a texta detester.

Mood - in a texta tantrum
Music - good morning-the moir sisters(in my head)
Edited - Never

2006-01-30 21:26:14
oh dear oh deary me!!I watched the new little house on the prairie mini-series today.ARRRGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!Why did they even bother!!!!????!!!!!O.K. to be fair-if i'd never seen the original series-and wasn't currently enjoying a fetish featuring same,it could be considered as pleasant viewing.Now for the but .BUT the woman playing caroline looks way too modern-some people just have a modern looking face and that woman is one of them.Plus she's been miscast-she's very forgettable looking-whereas Karen Grassle who playing caroline in the original series had a lovely,serene,open,very attractive face.And the new Mary is simply OFF.And this new charles isn't a patch on michael landon.But then,what man is .With his strong physique and smooth chest,wavy dark hair,and sparkling eyes.Poor man died so young,too.Why can't they just show the original on free t.v.?Guess the kids of today won't know what they're missing anyway,so why do i give a toss,right?

Mood - missing michael landon
Music - along for the ride-danny o'keefe
Edited - Never

2006-01-26 16:08:45
the snow goose
Listening to the snow goose this afternoon for the first time in ages.Some of the music is so beautiful that it gives you shivers.And it's lovely to hear spike milligan's voice.Maybe it's no coincidence that have put this on today-finally managed to find a very cheap copy of the essential spike milligan and can't wait to get it.This journal is a record of ebay purchases and that's about it-oh and some other stuff thrown in for good measure!

Mood - missing spike
Music - the snow goose
Edited - Never

2006-01-24 22:09:03
limerick time
this goodies limerick just came into my head and shall record it here forthwith.

There was a young man named Timbo
Whom we know is a fetching blonde bimbo

A sight to be seen
He's in love with the Queen
But sadly she's not with him,though.  .

That was limerick for the day.Actually having an idea!Shall post in the forum.

Mood - daft as
Music - mama tried-merle haggard
Edited - Never

2006-01-22 09:21:16
nellie oleson
Oh was there ever such a fiendish foe as nellie?Oh,how i used to long to pull on or cut off her ringlets to exact revenge for wrong done to my "friend" Laura!!Feeling like an utter dishrag today after sitting up late watching little house on the prairie-haha-"wild" saturday night  .Bought 48 episodes of the show for $80.00=bargain. CAN'T wait to see again the episode where laura lets nellie go down a steep hill in a wheelchair-go laura!AND -yay-have finally got my own copy of the episode where a lady asks for charles' help to feign her own funeral so that her family will come visit her for a change-brilliant!! .Watching as an adult i can see what a very very very nice character charles ingalls is-industrious,kind,caring.I bet if they'd had any grass HE would have slashed it-and NOT left it up to caroline .

Mood - in need of (what is it?)sleep
Music - theme from L.H.O.T.P in my head
Edited - 2006-01-22 09:33:05

2006-01-16 15:51:27
lawnmowing/cutting down
Saw a disgusting sight  on tuesday-a woman mowing grass in a really annoying fashion!!She would mow up the lawn and turn and go back the same way again.It really gave me the peedoodles to see it because up until now i thought it was only MEN who mowed in that way!!It stands to reason that if you keep going around-in a square-virtually without stopping-you get the mowing done in much less time instead of spending half the day TURNING THE MOWER AROUND!Everyone has their pet peeves-and for me this is definitely one of them.Just never thought i'd see the day when i saw a WOMAN doing it because i thought we were a little more logical than that.Illusion shattered! 

Mood - feigning irritation for above entry
Music - i'm alive-jackson browne
Edited - Never

2006-01-12 16:18:51
stabbing people
Was amused -wickedly-to hear of the woman who stabbed her partner for listening to an elvis presley song over and over...and over again.From the snippet played on the news it appears that it was "burning love".Obviously the woman just wasn't feelin' it!Here's the thing-i can UNDERSTAND it!The situation here is worse as it's the postman pat theme over and over...and over again for good measure.I don't have the desire to stab my son-which can only be a good thing,but would like to take a good crack at postman pat.There's not been such repetition here since 2004 with "four to the floor" by starsailor-which my son played over and over-sometimes an hour and a half at a time.Even that again would be a step up from postman pat torture-and might prevent pp from being stabbed .

Mood - have urge to drive around & deliver parcels
Music - postman pat...& his black & white cat
Edited - Never

2006-01-09 10:30:21
haircut 100
where does it go from here...

I went looking for an old photo of them-quick look brought up these ones.I cannot believe that i had a crush on that man-it WAS nick HEYWARD by the way who swung around on the tarzan rope.yay-just went and found the lyrics which  I was never sure of...not that it stopped the "singing along in some intelligible fashion scenario".

Love Plus One

I, I went off to the right
Without saying goodbye, goodbye
Where does it go from here?
Is it down to the lake I fear?
Ay ah ah ah ah ah
Ay ah ah ah ah ah
Then I call
Ring (ring) ring (ring) ring (ring) ring (ring)
La la love plus one
Ring (ring) ring (ring) ring (ring) ring (ring)
When I call love
Give love some soul
If I may be quite so bold
Where does it go from here?
Is it down to the lake I fear?
Ay ah ah ah ah ah
Ay ah ah ah ah ah
Then I call
Ring (ring) ring (ring) ring (ring) ring (ring)
La la love plus one
Ring (ring) ring (ring) ring (ring) ring (ring)
When I call love
Love plus one.

Mood - reminiscing over mr heyward
Music - love plus one-in head
Edited - 2006-01-09 10:34:08

2006-01-09 10:14:41
wouldn't it rip ya?
Or alternate title-howard jones isn't gay.Wrote a journal entry last night and went to post it and then got a can't be displayed screen or what ever it was.That gives you the peedoodles.In summary it was about howard jones of orange hair-or whatever colour it was on the day-fame.Howard facts:

*he has sold 8 million albums-GO HOWARD

*and the point in question(in my head only) over his preference-he is not-and never was G-A-Y.He is happily married to jan and has 3 children

*i was interested to find that last year he did a concert with jackson browne-whom i like a lot.Who the hell in their right mind would put these 2 together?No doubt the reason why i will have to check out howard's site again and see if it was recorded in any way.Quite attached to the music of jackson browne.He was always rather attractive as well,which a man should be if he possibly can(have i inadvertently quoted pride and prejudice?-i think a little.excellent).

*how did anyone with the name HOWARD have any success in the music world-an anomaly.

Mood - lamenting lost journal entry
Music - luckiest man alive-finn brothers
Edited - Never

2006-01-08 13:11:23
tainted love
Sometimes i feel i've got to run away...

A brilliant thing has happened today.a good thing.A nice thing.Yes,quite nice.For the longest time have been trying to get another copy of marc almond/softcell's greatest hits called memorabilia.Got it in the u.k. in 1991 and a couple of yea...oh to cut a long story short it's now stuffed-and have  tracked one down on ebay-for 99p YAY!Trouble is i don't have paypal or anything so the bankdraft will be $20.00+the postage BUT i would've paid anything to get it YAY!!!!!!!.

The funny thing with marc almond is that when tainted love came out i was 11 years old,country bred and incredibly innocent and developed quite a crush on him completely unaware that he was gay-and even if someone had told me i wouldn't have really understood the full implications of it.To me he looked interesting and different!Off this compilation I love "tears run rings" and can't wait to have this song again and jump around the loungeroom to it.good stuff.

Mood - happified
Music - i'm gonna make you a star-david essex
Edited - Never

2006-01-07 18:32:13
mr twing
I am so pleased to notice that there is a new journal writer by name of MR TWING.It gives me a buzz when there's another one to check out-and mr twing does sound a rather interesting character!Hi to you mr twing if you ever venture up to this journal!

For once a somewhat sensible entry.I 've been enjoying the rainy weather,every drop of it.A week into the new year and finally getting a chance to reflect on the year that was.Doing a "mental stocktake" and have come to the conclusion that i think 2006 will be O.K. afterall.It's taken a week for the dust to settle.I'm convincing myself-and therefore it WILL be.

Mood - a little reflective
Music - ripple-the church
Edited - Never

2006-01-04 11:32:12
a poser #2
Over breakfast this morning read the following daft thing in an old reader's digest.(I am in fact addicted to old reader's digests and get a jolly when ever i can get them at the op shop for 20 cents.But who cares about that.)

"If someone is addicted to eating christmas leftovers,can he quit cold turkey?"

i think there's something in that for everyone,don't you?  .

Mood - daftish and craving something sweet to eat
Music - for all we know-the carpenters(yet again)
Edited - Never

2006-01-02 18:10:33
ode to a scottish hairy haggis
Just went and found the daft poem from 1991.A scottish friend by name of Ewen kept going on about haggis-the "mythical creature" variety- though i'm not QUITE  that gullible.

O.K.-ode to a scottish hairy haggis...

I went a haggis hunting with my two bare hands

Scrambling through the undergrowth there was naught but empty cans

I went a haggis hunting with my butterknife

I found one in a tin,the disappointment of my life

I went a haggis hunting with a mighty sword

Couldn't find one anywhere-i went home;i was bored

I went a haggis hunting with a damned big cannon...(and was arrested by the RSPCA)

I went a Ewen shooting...

Said it was daft  .

Mood - not quite as crochetty
Music - take it easy-jackson browne(live,acoustic)
Edited - 2006-01-02 18:14:19

2006-01-02 10:56:19
haggis-for the personal edification of bondgirl
Here's a quote from a food magazine:

"even more legendary,but holding little appeal for the squeamish,is the other homely Highland standby,'s a fortifying combination of sheep's liver,lungs and heart mixed with oatmeal and suet,which is stuffed into the stomach bag of a sheep." NICE.

Mood - a little queasy
Music - mary had a little lamb
Edited - 2006-01-02 10:57:47

2006-01-02 09:51:19
who knows what the title should be
Read this today-"traditional scottish fare has long relied on fresh,healthy ingredients".Hell,so the scots don't like to eat putrified ingredients,either?Well who knew!

Mood - a bit tired and crochetty
Music - tristesse-the church(the acoustic version)
Edited - Never

2005-12-31 17:27:58
walk softly but carry a big stick
have come back here-woo hoo-2 entries in the one day-because i wanted to write the above song title so i can remember how it was here on the last day of the year-hearing this song in the heat with a cool breeze blowing on the back of my neck.It's the acoustic version of the song and i love it.As the song says-it's a technique-maybe it will be my motto for 2006.

Mood - musical
Music - walk softly but carry a big stick-stephen cummings
Edited - Never

2005-12-31 17:11:01
peedoodle inducing things
-another title possibly could have been "2005 ebbs away"or some such thing.O.K.-peedoodle inducing things this year-in no particular order-#1 the fact that the fridge is too small-2006 will be the "year of the  refrigerator" in the chinese calendar(well,why not?).The fridge has been too small for 12 and a half years.Why do they even make them that small?It's enough to give you the dirts.#2 my ex-husband #3 the fact that i wish to eat chocolate and cannot #4 there are too many ladybird books missing from my collection-hehe #5 catching up with old school friends and realising that you look older than them even though you were the youngest in the year...ummm...what other things were peedoodle inducing?????#6 darth tater trying to assert his authority -he's pointing his light sabre at me this very moment(bad,bad potato!)#7 barkly being a pain #8 never seeing the first goodies dvd anywhere (can't be bothered to order it).

BUT-on the upside-here is the good stuff from 2005-i have somewhere to live,plenty of food and clothing and a lively spirit.And it doesn't get better than that,for what else do we need?Roll on 2006.

Mood - sort of ...sentimental or something
Music - for all we know-the carpenters
Edited - Never

2005-12-30 10:38:37
rapunzel,let down your hair
book review #178

Rapunzel's father was a thief so what hope did she have,really?Stealing vegetables from the witch's garden to feed his pregnant wife.No doubt under pressure from foodies everywhere to have "fresh" ingredients for their recipes.Probably wasn't worth it in light of the fact that he was sprung by the witch and then had to promise the unborn child to the old crone.Daft move.Witchy poo locked rapunzel in a tower and the only access was by climbing up rapunzel's long plaited hair.A prince discovers her ,climbs up the hair and they fall in love.That's a given in a ladybird book.But how can he rescue her from the tower???????ohhhh excitement and tension.He brings her skeins of silk to weave into a ladder,a time consuming process.My female brain thinks ...o.k...

1.what about cut the hair off,secure it and CLIMB DOWN IT!!

2.ever heard of ROPE,anyone?

Conclusion-crone cottons on,banishes rapunzel to the desert.Pushes prince from tower,he's blinded  and wanders for years in desert.The would-be lovers find each other,rapunzel's tears fall upon his eyes and he can see once more,they marry and live happily ever after.

Lesson for the day-love is NOT blind,afterall.

No wonder so many women have a delusional rescue fantasy.

Mood - deluded
Music - when love comes back to haunt you-stephen cummings
Edited - Never

2005-12-23 20:31:21
fridge rage
i have it.The carrots won't fit in the fridge.That's enough to give you the peedoodles.

Mood - a bit cranky about the above
Music - break my stride by matthew wilder on radio
Edited - Never

2005-12-22 22:18:51
Putrify-that's the word i was after when i wrote the last entry,but couldn't think of it at the time.Should let everything putrify and then cook with it.That's the way.

Mood - putrescent(spelling?)
Music - anything by garbage
Edited - Never

2005-12-21 16:27:25
If i read ONE more recipe that calls for FRESH ingredients shall throw a big tanty for it gives me the peedoodles.This is what i'm thinking-NO,instead of using 'fresh' ingredients i will buy produce when it's going off and then let everything moulder away and only when it has many different varieties of mould,fungi,and bacteria growing on i'm thinking THAT'D be the  time to cook with the ingredients.WHY DO THEY HAVE TO SPELL THAT OUT EVERYTIME .FOR FRIGS SAKE I THINK EVERYONE KNOWS TO USE FRESH INGREDIENTS.WHO IS THE TOSSER THAT FIRST STARTED USING THE EXPRESSION.WOULD LIKE TO PELT THEM WITH ROTTEN FRUIT AND VEGETABLES.rant over and out.

Mood - peedoodly
Music - working for the weekend-loverboy
Edited - 2005-12-21 16:32:40

2005-12-16 18:03:40
I  hereby take back any kind thought i entertained about Barkly/"the table".He started at 20 past 4 this morning.We are no longer friends.Barkly ,you suck.A whole lot .

Mood - tired as hell
Music - anything by madness
Edited - Never

2005-12-15 23:35:23
guilt ridden
Oh i didn't mean it,barkly-you're not a big lump of doggy flesh!He is simply under the influence of the moon.It has sent him loopy.The big yellow looking moon in the sky tonight is responsible for a lot of stuff.It's been an odd day all round  .People around me have become just a little psycho.Saying odd things that they shouldn't.Not to mention myself- revealing too much of myself like an utter dolt!!i don't mean in this silly journal-i mean in real life    .A dolty kind of day.

Mood - expressive & odd & weird & tired
Music - by the light of the silvery moon
Edited - Never

2005-12-15 14:33:59
death wish
i have a labrador.He's obese.He's a beast.My sister says he resembles a table.He's annoying as hell.Decided that he had important things to say at 5.30 this morning and yesterday morning.Possibly the only people who think he's more annoying than i do are the neighbours.NEWSFLASH-Barkly,i don't love you nor wish to have to go seek out your face at 5.30 in the morning.At that time i only like you a bit.And only a little bit at that.Actually at that time of the morning i find you a horrible,hateful and detestable lump of doggy flesh and feel no bond nor affection for you whatsoever.And if only you could read i'd bring you inside and subject you to reading this journal to torture you.Ah,venting-ain't it grand  .

Mood - rather irate
Music - love me,love my dog
Edited - Never

2005-12-13 09:11:53
gimme some truth
i thought i would cheat-instead of editing the previous post will instead make a new entry in an attempt to secure another badge!oh so sneaky...

i realised that john in fact wasn't 31 at all,he hadn't turned 31 yet as the filming was done in may.Also how delightful it was to see george-my favourite beatle.He somehow always looked so much older than his years-all those years of cigarettes.poor old george.

Mood - i don't know ,really
Music - strong enough-sheryl crow(yet again)
Edited - Never

2005-12-12 22:27:06
not a ladybird book review,suprisingly
It was a night of ABC viewing tonight-even though i've got it floating around the house somewhere felt compelled to watch the john lennon making of imagine thing on telly tonight.But it was though tonight i watched it for the first time and really SAW john as an actual person-if that makes sense.Hard to believe that he was only 31 when that was made.And he was feeling every song-you can hear the emotion in his voice.For the first time ever i was moved to tears hearing "jealous  guy"-it's never had that effect on me before.What's the difference??-maybe i'm just turning into a sooky old thing in middle age or something.How sad that yoko has had to spend these last 25 years without her man.Because if you take the whole"john and yoko" crap away they were just two people who loved each other immensely.

Mood - sooky
Music - jealous guy in my head
Edited - Never

2005-12-09 17:44:21
horror and terror in ladybird land!!!

This book is DISTURBING.

O.K. in summary-there was a goat with 7 kids.Just before going for a walk in the forest(the forest AGAIN-what IS the attraction there.Maybe that's what's wrong with me,never been to the forest)she warns them not to open the door to the wolf because he'll eat them.Fair enough-no one wants to be eaten unless they have complex known as "rebound hannibal".The wily wolf manages to get in and eat 6 of them,while one stayed safe in the clockcase-possibly suffering from survivor guilt.Mother comes back and they weep together .yeah yeah,whatever.They find the wolf with swollen belly under a tree snoring-no doubt satisfied after big dinner.THIS IS THE DISTURBING BIT-ARRRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!BRAIN MELTDOWN ARRGGGGHHHHH.....mother gets the kid to run home and bring back a big pair of scissors and SHE CUTS HIS STOMACH OPEN -arrggghghhhh -and gets the kids out -for the wolf had swallowed them whole due to his greed.THEN she fills up his gut with stones and then STITCHES HIM BACK UP AGAIN! THIS BOOK IS COMPLETELY MENTAL.NEVER READ IT,ESPECIALLY NOT TO A CHILD!!!!Wolf wakes up  thirsty goes for have a drink at the well leans over,falls in,and drowns.Mother goat and kids skip around crying"the wolf is dead!the wolf is dead!" .NICE.

GOOD ONE,LADYBIRD!!hahahahaha.

Mood - who knows
Music - lonely goat herd...oldelahehoo(spelling?)
Edited - Never

2005-12-07 15:36:28
the magic porridge pot
For a start I'm envious of anyone that can have oats as i can't have gluten.

Porridge in goldilocks,porridge in this one -what's with that?

A little girl is crying in the  woods because she's hungry.An old woman appears and gives her a pot that will cook porridge for her whenever she asks it to-so she tells it to and it does.LIKE THAT'D HAPPEN.Next thing she's pictured eating it with a spoon-well where did the spoon come from???The old bat didn't give it to her and WHAT? she just HAPPENED to be carrying a spoon with her in the woods??Is she in fact some kind of junkie-which would also explain her lack of funds???We'll never know.So one day the girl takes a walk in the woods again-what the hell does she do there?-and her mother decides to have a feed,only trouble is she can't remember the words to make it stop cooking again-she's probably menopausal and had a job to remember her own name.The end result is that the house,street and town were soon filled with porridge.The residents feared that the whole world would be filled with the stuff.Girl returns nonchalantly from her walk , speaks the words "stop,little pot,stop!" and saves the day.Methinks the author was perhaps smoking a bit too much of something.

Overall-enjoyable ladybird book.Highly recommended to 5 year olds everywhere.

Mood - hungry now
Music - i'm so hungry,so hungry,so v.v.hungry
Edited - Never

2005-12-05 18:44:15
darth tater's decision
To please darth i said I'd do a review of the ladybird book Magnets,Bulbs and Batteries.In short the book's a real fizzer.It's a drag.If you have the urge to make a compass THIS IS THE BOOK FOR YOU!!!It tells you what batteries are made of.There is a picture of a boy licking a battery-well what kind of a goose is he??It's a crap book.Due to ladybird books being sold in "lots" i am now the proud owner of three copies of Magnets,Bulbs and Batteries.There was no avoiding it.Who's a lucky girl,then?At least Darth will be able to have a read -which ever  one of the 3 that he fancies- and may be conduct some experiments-living here may be a little quiet for him.

Mood - crook as a hound
Music - heroes and villains-the beachboys
Edited - Never

2005-12-05 18:29:42
lend me your ears
"sock it to me wild honey"

I have a lovely new friend.He's sitting here next to me,watching in awe.He's never seen anyone type before you see.He has a lovely set of pink ears that he has as spares-he can put them in when he takes his helmut off.He has his very own light sabre.Yes,it's Darth Tater!!!!!WOO HOO!!!!He's happy in his new home.He's even promised to help me with the next book review.Though being male he wants it to be on something other than "girly stuff" like goldilocks.He's a gruff thing  .

Mood - a bit ill,though not mentally(?)
Music - wild honey-the beachboys
Edited - Never

2005-12-02 11:08:26
book review time again

Goldilocks reveals herself to be nothing more than a common thief-do not be duped by her sweet face,long golden hair,mary jane shoes,and puffed sleeves.

ANOMALY:mother bear dishes the porridge from one pot-therefore how could each bowl of porridge that "goldilocks-the thief" eats from taste different from the last?I believe this to be a falsehood perpetuated by goldilocks so  she could consume as many oats as possible.A liar AND a thief.

NOTED:mother,father,and baby bear walk in the woods while their porridge cools.Mother and Father bear are pictured holding hands.Yet as the story unfolds we learn that they sleep in separate beds.Are they on friendly terms,but no longer "active"????This point of interest is not examined in detail in the book,unfortunately for the reader.

IN CONCLUSION:bear family left their front door open so they were unable to claim for baby bear's broken chair.Sucked in to them.

Mood - oh..just a little loopy,in a good way.
Music - strong enough-sheryl crow
Edited - Never

2005-11-30 16:35:06
star wars
i am in love.i am in love with a picture in the toyworld catalogue.I am in love with Mr Potato Head Darth Tater.He has got such cute little shoes on.Ah,true love  .

Mood - mushy(mashy?)
Music - star wars theme
Edited - Never

2005-11-29 11:41:34
albert brooks
Perhaps "mother" should have its very own journal entry.i love it when debbie reynolds,who plays albert's mother,is trying to feed him-as most mothers try to do-and it's driving him nuts.She's trying to get him to eat this dreadful icecream stuff and he says-the protective ice?you've actually named the clear hard crap that sits on the top????!!!!".Also -"you're running a food museum here".And "i accidentally eat things all day long".And "it's like fantasia for food".I enjoy watching Albert-he plays neurotic so very well.

Albert in broadcast news-when he says-"wouldn't this be a great world if insecurity and desperation were attractive?If needy were a turn on?" -just love that bit.

Mood - still the same old girl
Music - still the same old sheryl
Edited - Never

2005-11-29 11:29:18
Well that just gave me a bit of a jolly to see that were 400 views.woo hoo.I don't know why.Weird thing.Another weird thing that gave me a jolly was getting 2 packages yesterday afternoon containing MORE ladybird books.BRILLIANT.14 in one parcel and 9 in the other.Such "scintillating" titles as levers,pulleys and engines,understanding maps,the story of newspapers,and goldilocks and the three bears-by way of providing contrast -so the addiction continues on unabated.Must go leave some ebay feedback.I want to get time this week to watch one of my favourite movies-"mother" starring albert brooks.That's the mood I'm in,which has nothing whatsoever to do with ladybird books,ebay or any other internet thing.And that can only be a good thing .

Mood - happy enough
Music - my favourite mistake-sheryl crow
Edited - Never

2005-11-24 22:14:30
confession time
I have a rather disturbing problem.So disturbing in fact that it's hard to admit,even to self.I have come to realise that i am completely and utterly addicted to ladybird books.Disturbing
isn't the word.Getting a good collection.Even like the ones about such things as experimenting with magnets and such things.It's an insidious disorder,really.The books are so small and..well...cute.The spines are different colours.And what does a grown woman want with these children's books.I even became engrossed in one about the british postal service in the 1960's.It has a red mail box on the cover and the postal worker has opened the door to retrieve the mail,and there's not even anyone inside it.After the initial disappointment of the cover the book itself is a simply ripping yarn.Good stuff.Cool pictures.This book informed me that in 1965 when it was published that 26 million letters a day were posted in England. Consider that the very first daftbird journal book ladybird book review.Oh,they're  such dear little books.I think i need HELP  .

Mood - tired,tired and ....tired
Music - continuing saga of the postman song
Edited - 2005-11-24 22:17:47

2005-11-17 21:35:45
a crying shame
:'(    -just typed that crying face in to see if it will work this way.Oh this journal is a torment! 

Mood - something unknown even to me
Music - still the postman song
Edited - Never

2005-11-16 21:57:44
another crack at it
:'(    oh bugger it.

Mood - moody and broody
Music - do do do do do...gotta get a letter to you
Edited - Never

2005-11-16 11:01:18
no further ahead  :'( .

Mood - cold and bothered,as opposed to hot
Music - doobies,with a bothered edge
Edited - Never

2005-11-16 10:57:58
here we go again
O.K.This is a test.Have just realised that something didn't work properly in the last entry .Here goes:    :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(. Now if these work out I will be wondering for all eternity why the other one didn't work  :'( .

Mood - curious
Music - still the doobies of course.
Edited - Never

2005-11-16 10:48:08
a chill in the air
Oh WHY is it so cold today?  :'(  It's enough to give you the peedoodles.It wasn't this cold here in winter.Bought an old doobie brothers record at the op-shop yesterday-livin' on the faultline-having the first listen to it right now and really enjoying it.It seems that it's going to be one of those 70's records that you can  put on like gerry rafferty or something and it  just creates a good  easy going mood in the house.Peedoodles=what harrison ford says to gene wilder in the frisco kid-a daft expression but hard to break a habit of some years.

Mood - decidely icy
Music - doobie brothers
Edited - Never

2005-11-14 22:37:06
full moon fever
Just realised that it must be a full moon or very close on it-betcha anything that my last journal entries were at this time as well .Title=that brilliant album by tom petty.But this "journal entries at the time of the full moon" concept could have been taught in the class"how to be disturbing without really trying 101" .

Mood - daft
Music - still got jewel in head
Edited - Never

2005-11-14 22:29:26
oh,not again!
This time i put a colon followed by a "p" for poltz and now there's what???!!-a spewing thing or something-will have to go look at it again well of course it was meant to be

Mood - poltzy
Music - poltzy
Edited - Never

2005-11-14 22:25:53
a poltzy kind of day
I've written it before in this goodies site,but never mentioned it in this here journal.If you are reading this and you are in the mood for something silly,go to,enter,and scroll down until you see the photo of steve poltz as the mudman.If you are thinking-"steve who?"-he is a brilliant singer/songwriter(yes,even better than bill oddie  )-and you probably know one of his songs very well.He co-wrote "you were meant for me"by jewel and was in the video as well.But i'm not a jewel fan,just a steve one.He's a nifty  funny guy and if I could invite anyone to a dinner party,he'd be it.And his "one left shoe" album is very very very good and you should go find a copy on ebay right now.Go on,it would be fun  .

Mood - exhausted as a matter of fact
Music - you were meant for me (in noggin)
Edited - Never

2005-10-31 11:41:10
what the
what is that brickwall thing doing in the previous entry?I can't be bothered to edit it out-i'm guessing that what i actually typed-which was a colon followed by the letter o -must have been the symbol for it.Janice ,you might know if i'm guessing the right thing.This was a cheat journal entry!

Mood - curious
Music - i'll find my way home-jon & vangelis
Edited - Never

2005-10-31 11:36:16
somewhere in time
I'm an avid sbs watcher.No,should clarify that-when there is something decent that is-and decent in the sense of without nakedness as well!Sometimes you flick around and get a glimpse of something and keep on flicking and think h that would have been sbs.Anyway,to get back to it,last night watched a time travel thing on there in which different time travel theories were presented,and the reasons why they would work etc-and it actually seemed fairly bollocky to me.If it could be done I'm guessing that someone would have done it by now!The highlight was hearing the doctor who theme over the closing credits.i was so entranced by watching "somewhere in time" starring jane seymour and christopher reeve as a young girl that the subject has held a dream like fascination for me ever since-and by the look of things will have to stay that way-a dream.No doubt christopher reeve would've liked to have travelled back in time and have made the choice to let go of his reins instead of holding on to them.i'm sure I wasn't the only one who felt moved when he finally passed away.Oh what a depressing journal entry.

Mood - rainy days & mondays always etc
Music - woman-john lennon
Edited - Never

2005-10-14 17:56:07
Forgot to report here that the beloved PING THE DUCK book arrived from the U.S. on tuesday.Well yay for that.So all the ebay things arrived and was rorted by no-one.That's a good feeling when you don't get rorted.Though i did get rorted by optus in recent times.Steam rolled and rorted.Now shall PING OFF.

Mood - getting hungry,if that's a mood
Music - talk-coldplay
Edited - Never

2005-10-14 16:52:06
rainy friday
i love love love this weather.I can hear the rain on the ..ummm...what's it called?-sort of an exhaust fan outlet-metal-and like to kid myself that i'm actually hearing it on a tin roof.People think that they must have a hoard of money and possessions and the right clothes-but really this is luxury.Being able to sit and and hear the rain.And get into fresh sheets at night.A nice dinner.These are the things that matter.

Mood - wistful,due to the below
Music - your wildest dreams-the moody blues
Edited - 2005-10-14 16:55:00

2005-10-06 12:52:36
something or other
well it's about bloody time that i wrote another journal entry-but i won't be doing it today(no this one doesn't count).

Mood - petulant
Music - birds chirping
Edited - Never

2005-09-17 19:13:45
the junius enquiry
The above would make a very good book title-so i copyright that one-sorry junius    .To answer your enquiry-i give a resounding YES!I did win the items-but what i should mention here is that no-one was interested in 2 of them-which were-haha-a mark holden cd,and a book about ping the duck-what kind of name is ping for anything ,let alone a duck.The plastic item was.....drum roll please...a set of tupperware animals-remember the elephant,giraffe,and dog with interchangeable body parts???Also waiting  on the arrival of the 7 dwarves and their diamond mine-well not literally-a golden book.But it would be so much fun if they did turn up here on a saturday night and we could have a dwarf dance party and i could dress up as snow white and we could go and stand in peoples gardens for a lark as well.I know d-day asked once if i was peter panning-well here is your answer d-day!I was actually going to journal today about some brilliant 70's op-shop records,but that will have to wait as i'm quite knackered.

Mood - knackety-knackered
Music - neil and tim finn
Edited - Never

2005-09-08 22:21:49
ebay addict
Am presently enjoying a massive ebay addiction.Currently bidding on 3 different items,but will not reveal what they are,simply to be perverse.One is made of plastic,one you listen to ,and one you read-yep,you guessed it-a book-aha-but what is in the pages of that book???.When i win them all it will be cartwheels all over the place and i will then reveal the true nature of the items!I am trying to add some drama to this journal-no of course not!!But i want to remember this day and how cool it feels waiting in anticipation,trying to outbid and outwit the opponents!they will not get my things!and how dare they even try!!!Just who do they think they are!!Don't they realise that they are up against the prowess,sheer talent,and immense power of DAFTBIRD from the goodies message board!Do they not realise i have a flying suit with a large yellow "D" emblazoned on the front-and therefore am invincible!!!!!.....or maybe not....

Mood - hyped
Music - "woolworths, the fresh food people" on tv.
Edited - Never

2005-09-06 16:31:10
crappy day
hell it's been a crappy day.So much for this being a place to write nice stuff-bugger that!.Just shovel on the crap.Maybe another goodies meal could be crap on toast.What WILL it be for dinner tonight...can't wait for this thoroughly crap day to draw to an end and hope for better things tomorrow.

Mood - crapful
Music - music is crap-aliens told me so.
Edited - Never

2005-08-29 21:31:26
i capture the castle
This journal seems to be turning into an account of things that i love,for some reason-instead of being the place where i would get all the irritation out!Maybe there's actually some positivity in there somewhere!The above is another one for janice to watch-no it's not regency,but is set in olden times-i think in the 30's.It's such a lovely movie;i never tire of it.i like everything about it-even henry thomas-who played elliot in E.T..i capture the castle-what a lovely ring it has to it.i thoroughly enjoyed the book it was based on as well.You know how there are some things where you just become lost in the mood of it?it's like that.What movies do you guys get lost in,regardless of genre?

Mood - tired
Music - what's new pussycat(in head)
Edited - Never

2005-08-21 18:01:01
julian sands
i am writing this entry for the benefit of janice who may read it one of these days!Hope the above name is correct-from memory he was the one in "room with a view".(i always keep an eye out for it on dvd but have not met with success so far,so might actually have to get it together and order it from somewhere!)Janice,i'm guessing that if you love mr darcy you may also have enjoyed room with a view with all its romance.Oh how shallow things are these days.Where is beauty?(just raving;ignore)

Mood - sort of sombre with a tinge of happy and hunger
Music - boys of summer-don henley
Edited - Never

2005-08-15 23:42:41
the legendary rolf harris
After watching andrew denton interviewing him tonight i won't hear an unkind word  spoken against rolf harris again!What a sensitive soul he is.To be still working at the age of 75 he's gotta be doing something right.What a decent man he appears to be.

Mood - tired as
Music - "two little boys" by rolf in my head
Edited - Never

2005-08-15 10:47:30
palin on parky
In a stroke of very good timing there was mp in parky repeat on saturday night speaking of my much beloved eric olthwaite and shovels -brilliant.The abc should show this episode every week.

Mood - ditto
Music - ditto
Edited - Never

2005-08-15 10:44:16
homemade play-doh
Just in case anyone would ACTUALLY like to eat it-in below post i was just having a go because just HOW silly do manufacturers think people are?
Here 'tis:1 cup salt,2 cups plain flour,4 teaspoons plain flour,4 teaspoons cream of tartar,2 tablespoons vegetable oil,2 cups water & non-toxic powder paint or colouring over medium heat for 3 to 5 minutes until it becomes stiff .Store dough in the fridge.Serve with sauteed kitten,if desired.

Mood -'s monday...errrr..gghhhh
Music - gerry rafferty again
Edited - Never

2005-08-12 11:31:54
and i quote:"play-doh modelling compound is not intended to be eaten as food".damn.

Mood - daft
Music - gerry rafferty's city to city album
Edited - Never

2005-08-10 22:03:22
michael palin
It is time that michael palin's name graced the page of this so-called journal.I love him best as eric olthwaite,the "boring little tit",who loved shovels and whose parents feigned death so as to avoid talking to him.I wish they'd put Ripping yarns back on the telly as well.Actually,no,he's brilliant as arthur pewty as well,hard to decide which is best.MP would look better than TBT in apron,that goes without saying.

Mood - a bit sick in the head
Music - that letter song from radio goodies(in brain)
Edited - Never

2005-08-10 11:20:41
a "something" eye
There is a variety type program that comes on tuesday nights and i cannot watch it due to the so called comedians who are friends of the host,whom the host thinks are funny because they are his friends but they in fact have a cringe factor.Drives me barmy  and makes me want to heave  heave heave .And then heave a bit more after that.

Mood - barmy
Music - january by pilot
Edited - Never

2005-08-09 22:16:35
At this time of night i wish wish wish that they would show re-runs of the lone gunmen.That would just set me up for life.Even an old episode of simon and simon would be good enough,just to hear the theme.I must be sick in the head,just like the aforementioned steve poltz.i think it's time to go and read a sensible book now...or else...

Mood - time for sleepy bo-bo
Music - simon & simon theme( in brain)
Edited - Never

2005-08-09 16:12:19
steve poltz,the clever man
I love steve poltz.Annie,i just wrote that in case you come in and read this one day in the future because i know it will make you smile!   

"i don't want a lover that comes home around 3...i guess that you're the same old girl you used to be,even though you said you'd try and change for me...."

Mood - good enough, i guess
Music - same old girl-daryl cotton
Edited - Never

2005-08-07 12:30:09
hooray-finally was able to edit the first let me do it-life is good good good.

Mood - bit happier now
Music - everybody wants to rule the world-tears for fears
Edited - Never

2005-08-07 12:24:11
a poser
If there was a choice between Mr Rochester,Mr Darcy,and Tim Brooke-Taylor who would win out?the only way to decide is to consider that Tim would look better in an apron.Time to enjoy lunch and continuing compilation tape and vision of tbt in apron.

Mood - undecided
Music - gypsy by fleetwood mac
Edited - Never

2005-08-06 17:34:35
Why am i doing this now?it's time to go make dinner.Wish the goodies were on the telly right now for something decent to look at.What are those mood and music boxes for?  :-What if you're in some odd kind of non-mood?Who gives a tinkers cuss what mood i'm in anyhow.I wonder if other people get in non-moods.What an odd word "mood" is.Best used thus: "moody blues".

Mood - rather hungry,actually
Music - this minute-the song let's dance by chris rea
Edited - 2005-08-07 12:26:09

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