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daftbird's Journal
Back to daftbird's Journal
2006-10-04 22:30:57
you know we're never gonna survive...
Tonights blog - well the photo of Augustus doesn't show here and I have no idea how to get it to do so.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006
you know we're never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy

This is Augustus Gloop, the utter guts ache from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. He is here due to a conversation that I had yesterday with my ex-husband. Believe it or not he is my house guest at the moment - the reason why doesn't matter but it can not be avoided. It goes without saying that I am going completely mad (as opposed to only partly).

I put the dinner out and ex-husband starts to shovel it on in, not even pausing to chew, it seems.

I remark:" Do you have to feed it in like that - you look like Augustus Gloop!" (of course being an ex-husband he is in the unenviable position of not even being able to breathe properly from my point of view).

He says: "Come on, don't you find Augustus Gloop attractive?".

I say: " Oh, don't be such an idiot! You know what? I'm gonna put this in my blog, whaddya reckon".

So you see that there is an impasse.

We had to make a rather long - 6 hours in total - car journey yesterday. Oh dear. Thought that I should go mental.

The night before I say: " Hey, why don't you fill up a bottle of water for yourself?" . Actually I shall use the name Augustus rather than having to write the words ex-husband all the time because that gives me the peedoodles having to write it.

Augustus: "Nuh, don't want any"

Me: "But you're gonna get thirsty, you should never go in the car without taking water"

Augustus: no response.

So we're driving along and at some point Augustus starts reaching around behind his seat - which is his traditional spot for food and drink (daft thing to put it behind the seat if you ask me) and I ask :" What is it exactly that you're rummaging around for back there???"

Augustus: A drink of water

Me: What! The drink of water that you didn't bother to put in the car! What makes you think that there's any water in here for you?

Augustus: Because I know you

Me: It's in the boot in the esky, whaddya think.

Well it drives me mad, and it was the same with the chicken sandwiches later on - it is assumed that the food is there. Somehow the food just gets there. It must prepare itself and find its way into the car . It's magical how that food just appears there all by itself. The food fairy strikes again.

Later on Augustus goes: "Oh thanks for putting that water in, darling ". Obviously the comment and the darling was said as a stir and I should have let it pass, but couldn't help myself .

" What did you just say?"

"I said thanks for putting the water in"

"No, you said darling and you're not entitled to say it"

"Well you are a darling"

"Oh, bugger off".

Well Augustus is in the room at the moment reading over my shoulder. I hate that thing. Hope he reads what I'm writing this very minute. He feels the need to sing to me right this minute the words: I believe in miracles, where you from , you sexy thing. Needless to say it is a stir designed to make me feel physically ill. Oh, I can't wait to have the place to myself again.

Now shall go and have a proper look at the comments on the previous post for fun. Speaking of fun, enjoyed a news item tonight in which a driver was booked for having his car parked over a yellow line that wasn't there when he parked his car. It was painted in afterward and the parking inspector was apparently hanging around waiting for the line to be finished. Excellent.

By the way, if you feel sorry for my ex-husband you're quite welcome to him - and there can be a new Mrs Gloop. He has just made the daft comment that I should sell him on eBay. Arrghhhhh!!!!

Mood - nuts
Music - the oompa loompa song in my head
Edited -

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