GOODIES COR COMICS SYNOPSIS #28
(by Linda Kay)
(from C&G 101 – April 2004)
14, July, 1973 No. 51
During the summer months, Cor!! comics would tend to be about summer activities and events, and this would be the Goodies third visit to the seaside this year. Not every sketch the Goodies filmed worked as well as they might have liked, but typically there were shining moments in every episode to make them well worthwhile. Can the same be said for the Cor!! comics, though?
Cover banner: "Goody-Goody! TV Stars "The Goodies" Appear Inside!"
Header: THE GOODIES' PLAN TO SELL IRONING BOARDS FALLS "FLAT"!
We find the Goodies pedalling their trandem to the South Coast with a wagon-load of ironing boards in tow. A seagull has made itself comfortable on top of the boards.
BILL: The things people dump in the country making it look untidy ... fifty government surplus ironing boards ... but we'll get rid of 'em!
The Goodies arrive at the beach carrying the ironing boards (Bill walks face first into one that Graeme is carrying, causing him to drop one of his boards on Tim's foot. Tim jumps as he struggles to hold onto the boards he is carting). A group of excited beachgoers come running as Graeme makes his announcement.
GRAEME: Surf boards for sale! Dirt cheap!
SURFER #1: I'll have one!
SURFER #2: Me, too!
Most of the surfers rush into the water with their boards, but one younger surfer stands on a board on the sand as Bill stands nearby.
YOUNGER SURFER: Er ... I'd *like* one ... but, er ... my *feet* are too small! Er ... I might fall off!
BILL: Feet too small? Soon deal with that, mate!
Bill pulls out a flatiron and starts doing something around the surfer's feet which we can't see yet.
BILL: There we are!
Bill steps back to show he has ironed the young man's feet so they are exceptionally flat and long. The young surfer looks angry as an exclamation mark appears in a thought balloon above his head (at least he's faring better than the surfer chick who's being chased by a giant crab in the background!).
BILL: *There!* Now you won't fall off!
An old sea captain with a shirt that reads "Skylark" and a parrot on his shoulder appears and addresses the surfers, who listen with growing anger. The Goodies listen nervously.
CAPTAIN: Oy! You be wasting your money ... b'aint no surf in this part o' the English Channel! Never has been, never will be! *Ho, ho!*
The surfers turn on the Goodies and chase them into a small boat in the water. Several of them swing their boards as weapons at the fleeing trio.
SURFER #4: We've been swindled! Conned .. ! Done .. ! Flatten 'em with their rotten no-surf boards!
GRAEME: Er ... it's time we left! Quick ... into this boat!
The Goodies paddle away from the shore with the angry surfers paddling after them on their boards.
SURFER #5: Give us our money back!
GRAEME: They're coming after us! *Row! Row!*
The Goodies are now approaching the French side of the Channel in their boat. A large group of French holiday makers (all in sunglasses and berets, apparently) lounge on the shore.
TIM: Puff! Pant! COR!! We're near the French coast ... and those disappointed customers are catching up!
GRAEME: I've an idea!
Graeme stands up in the boat and starts shouting at the lounging Frenchmen, much to Tim and Bill's horror. The Frenchmen react with anger and exclamations of "Zut!"
GRAEME: VAH! FROGGIES! Soppy old Frenchies! Sacha Distel is tone deaf! Bring back Marie Antionette! Napoleon was a twit! Er ... the Eiffel Tower is an eyesore!
TIM: Eek! What's the big idea? You'll have that lot after us! We'll be trapped!
The angry (and not so lightweight) Frenchmen race for the water brandishing baguettes, bottles and French flags. They leap over the railing into the water below.
FRENCHMAN #1: Cheeky Engleeshmen!
FRENCHMAN #2: We'll show zem!
The Frenchmen all leap into the water in one bound, causing a huge wave which races toward the Goodies little boat.
GRAEME: Right! About turn and row!
The wave comes rushing toward them as Tim readies the oars. Bill is beginning to get seasick.
GRAEME: Here comes the BIG wave - caused by them jumping in! *Row! Row!* Back to England!
The Goodies ride the crest of the wave as it rushes toward the surfers, who look excited.
GRAEME: *Ahoy!* Get ready ... here comes the surf! By courtesy of The Goodies and ten thousand Frenchmen!
The surfers have a blast riding the wave back to England as the Goodies watch happily, Tim counting out the money they've made selling the boards.
SURFER #6: *Great!* These surfboards were worth the money after all!
SURFER #7: *Good old Goodies!*
BILL: *Phew!* We're home and dry at last!
TIM: Yes! Making money from surfing turned out to be plain *sailing* after all!
Sign-Off Line: "Sea" Next Week For More "Tide-ings" From The Goodies!
RATING (using the BLACK PUDDING RATING SYSTEM):
II - Fair-y punkmother.
This is essentially a one joke comic that has very little else going for it. While the artwork isn't bad it isn't as animated or inspired as some of the previous Goodies comics. Oddly enough Graeme is seen sporting his cap as he was sometimes drawn in the earlier published comics ... perhaps this one was penned early on and held back for the summer-themed months?
While the joke about selling the beachgoers ironing boards as surf boards and then producing a wave using a bunch of fat Frenchmen is a somewhat cute idea (albeit very politically incorrect in light of this day and age) it isn't enough to sustain a two page comic which is extremely weak on dialogue. There is a very sore lack of jokes and puns and often the dialogue only states what is obviously going on and should be clear from the drawings themselves. Graeme has a lion's share of the lines, so the balance seems very off for what is normally a well balanced exchange between the three characters.
There are a few jokes hidden in the background. In one panel a surfer can be see being chased from the water by a shark. A person is being thrown from a boat in the background as the old sea captain speaks. The words on the small boat the Goodies commandeer say Tender to "Yawning Crowd." On the French side of the channel a seagull is also wearing a beret and sunglasses. The headlines on a French newspaper read "Le Football: Paris 2, Corville 19" and "Brigette Bardot a Trowe la Plume de Ma Tante." The seagull with the beret is racing away from the wave as it races from the French shore (a pair of sunglasses is on the crest of the wave). Finally Bill is leaning far over the front of the boat as they ride the wave, apparently ready to be sick. Sadly these aren't enough to carry this strip so unfortunately it receives our lowest rating to date.