Goody Gallery
 Contact Us
 Club T-Shirts


 Members Online
Last visits :
George Rubins
Online :
Admins : 0
Members : 0
Guests : 60
Total : 60
Now online :

 Joining the Club

Instructions for joining the club & getting our newsletter can be found in the our FAQ.

 Requesting Goodies Repeats

Suggestions can be found in our FAQ.

  Survey for Goodies Repeats

Fill in The Goodies Uk Audience Survey.

Not_A_Megalomaniac's Journal
Back to Not_A_Megalomaniac's Journal
2006-10-02 05:24:14

Well it was over a week ago now.  In fact it was bloody ages ago.

I did it.  I had that big uncomfortable scary talk with him.  It was quite uncomfortable.  Quite scary.  The letdown was so lovely it's taken a week to hit me.  And now I'm on such a big downer I don't know if I'll ever get up again.

Yes, I said letdown.  I'm sure you were gunning for it turning out like one of those awful Hollywood romantic comedy thingies.  No.  No such luck.

We'd had a great night and although I didn't want to spoil it, I felt that if I didn't talk to him about it while I had him all to myself for a while with no interruptions, I would never talk to him about it.  So I did. 

I don't want to bore you with all the details, but we were both a little embarrassed about it, however we did manage to have a very frank and open discussion as two mature adults.  Which was refreshing as we'd never had a mature discussion before!!  And we - well, he, decided that we'd be mental together, but he didn't know if it was a good thing, and besides, he's been in love with a girl for about as long as he's known me - and he knows he has no chance with her, but he's not over her, and he doesn't want to 'cheat' on her, when he still feels very strongly about her - and he doesn't want to make me feel second best, as I'm the only female friend he's ever really had - because as a rule he doesn't like girls, but he really likes me.

See, that's lovely.

Until a week of dissecting it goes by and I realise that basically that entire conversation boiled down to him saying this to me in the nicest possible way:

"I would rather long for someone I am NEVER going to have in a million years than to have one MINUTE of my life spent having you worship the ground I walk on and devote your every last breathing second to making me happy."

This is just how it is.  It's how it's going to be forever.  There are some people in this world, despite how nice they try to be, how caring they are, and how they ache to love and be loved - who are destined to never be happy.

This sounds really self-pitiful.  And to be honest, today I am in a very self-pitiful mood.  I am so completely on the brink of....... whatever......... that part of me doesn't even want to see the morning.  Now I sound melodramatic.  Yep, probably melodramatic too.  I've just been so numb with pain over the last few days I don't think anything else could ever hurt me.

My brother doesn't want to see me.  My brother is in prison and he'd rather look at the four walls of his cell than see me.  What's wrong with me?  All I do is love people and try to never hurt them.  Nobody wants me.  I sound like a spoiled brat.  I don't think I am.  Maybe I am.  But I just feel like I'm on the outside looking in in every instance in my life.  My friends, my family, at work, everything. Even with (and I know all these people are going to read it and probably hate me) the people I've met here - I just feel like they think I'm Peej's friend who just tags along with her that they have to put up with - and sometimes, well, quite a lot, I feel like Peej thinks I'm just her acquaintance who she doesn't want to upset by telling me she's never really liked me that much anyway.  I know this is bullshit - because they really ARE my friends...... but I just feel like I'm the last person they ever want to see or hear from or anything but they feel they have to be lumbered with me.

Am on such a downer, I do apologise.  sometimes I do write cheery journal entries.  Just not at the moment.  Sorry.  Will try and write something happier next time but don't bank on it.

Mood - Numb
Music - None
Edited - Never

(((((((My dear Spev))))))))

I have no advice worth sharing.  But I feel your pain.  I wish I could say 'it gets better', but right now I can't.  I'm at work now, and haven't got your email addy handy, but will write tonight.

(In my admittedly very limited other-sex experience, men just don't think.  They don't have the same analysing-stuff brains we have.  They're more likely to be thinking 'well, I'd like both of them, perferably together in a vat of raz-bey-ey yoghurt, so what line can I spin her to keep her hanging on while I try to pull the other bird?"  Kinda explains why I'm serially single.)
Posted by:jodievdw


date: 02/10/2006 12:48 GMT
That sux. The one time you confess and it feels like your drowning.  I'm proud of you though cause as your FRIEND (like it or not) you did something that took guts.
Posted by:bindy


date: 02/10/2006 17:14 GMT
I'm sorry you are having these problems. Like Jodes I have very little experience in the other sex. I do agree with Bindy this takes a lot of guts to write this down. I dont know what else to say other than I hope you feel better and that you taking good care of yourself.
Posted by:Puddin

Puddin WWW 

date: 02/10/2006 23:45 GMT
This might cheer you up a smidge (I have no idea if it'll work, mind you...)  It's you-know-who.

Posted by:jodievdw


date: 03/10/2006 07:51 GMT
Dammit... here's the link:
Posted by:jodievdw


date: 03/10/2006 07:52 GMT
This might cheer you up a smidge (I have no idea if it'll work, mind you...)  It's you-know-who.

Posted by:jodievdw


date: 03/10/2006 07:53 GMT
I hope you feel cheerier soon, give yourself a cuddle & drink tea. I like tea.
Posted by:ek


date: 09/10/2006 23:10 GMT
We apologize, but you need to login to post comments. If you don't have an account, why don't you register? It's free!
Goody Calendar 
<<< May 2024 >>>
28 29 30 01 02 03 04
05 06 07 08 09 10 11
12 13 14 15 16 17 18
19 20 21 22 23 24 25
26 27 28 29 30 31 01

The Goodies - The Complete BBC Collection (DVD) 
ORDER HERE! or here

An Audience With The Goodies DVD 
Order Here or Here

The Goodies: The Complete Collection (BBC & LWT Series) 
Order Here

Clarion and Globe  
To subscribe to our monthly newsletter send an empty email to and reply to the confirmation email.

Latest Newsletters:

* C&G 241 February 2022
* C&G 240 October 2021
* C&G 239 September 2021

Back issues are available in our Articles and Guides section

The C&G also has a Facebook Group. The Goodies Rule OK Fan Club - Clarion and Globe News Press

Editor Contact Details Jenny Doyle:

Other Online Goodies Resources 
* The Goodies Podcast
* The Goodies Pirate Podcast

* Bill Oddie's twitter feed
* Graeme Garden's twitter feed

Goodies' Official Sites:
* Bill Oddie's official website
* Official I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue website

Other Fan Sites:
* The Goodies Facebook Page
* The Goodies Illustrated Guide

Powered by 
phpWebThings powered

 This website was created with phpWebThings 1.5.2.
© 2005 Copyright , The Goodies Rule - OK! Fan Club 

Website Security Test