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The Guardian, November 12, 1986

Young Guardian: Input

BY: BILL ODDIE


'Ere, didn't you used to be Bill Oddie?'

Taxi drivers ask this every day.

'Ain't seen much of you on telly lately. '

I then point out that actually I'm on right now in a new series called From The Top. When I tell them it's on at 4.45 they say 'Oh ..a KIDS' show. ' Their lips curl with disdain and they drop me off as soon as possible.

'Why,' taxi drivers ask, 'don't you do some more Goodies? I used to like that. ' Funny thing, people who didn't like the Goodies used to call it a kids' show.

So what's so great about being 'adult'? Do you know there are adults out there who think the characters in Eastenders are real (aren't they? Ed. ). There are 'adult' viewers who consider The Jimmy Cricket Show and the Grumbleweeds the height of sophisticated humour.

There are 'adults' who are enthralled and entertained by the spectacle of four other 'adults' pouting and sulking like a bunch of spoiled two-year-olds in Full House. There are 'adults' who have never watched Channel Four. And there are adults who consider not only the Goodies but also The Young Ones, Alas Smith and Jones, Kenny Everett, Who Dares Wins and even Monty Python as, you've guessed it - childish.

Kids' shows? Certainly, insofar as they are surely amongst 'kids' favourite programmes. Am I right? Which only goes to show what good taste you all have. Please don't grow out of it!

Most sickening news of the week: Boy George is being sued for pounds 30 million as if he were responsible for the death of one of his musicians, a known heroin addict. What hypocrisy. What nice people. It seems 'they' won't be happy until they have killed George.

The saddest picture: George again, not long ago articulate, talented, and charming and, in his own wonderous way, a picture of health. Now he looks like an extra from the 'Thriller' video. That's what heroin does to you. Yes, but let's not draw the line there. I know people who rave on about the evils of heroin while cheerily rolling a joint or sniffing coke. It's all dangerous stuff. All drugs are illegal and they are big criminal business. Even the smallest pusher peddling the tiniest amount of marijuana still has a connection with some of the most callous and murderous criminals in the world.

If you use any drugs at all - you are involved too. And 'they' don't care who they kill - George or you.

Most predictable news of the week: Arms talks between Russia and the USA have ended in deadlock ..Teachers find the Government's pay offer unacceptable ..The Tories make all sorts of promises on public spending and tax cuts for the next election ..Manchester United fire their manager because they are not playing very well. You could save yourself the price of a newspaper really.

Most disappointing news: That Neil Kinnock isn't allowed to do his impressions of Buddy Holly on a BBC show, in case the BBC are accused of bias. Against whom? That could have won the Tories a pile of votes. Anyway, all they had to do was to get Margaret Thatcher on too - I believe she does an excellent Meatloaf.