Index
» Introduction & Index
» 1 Lemon Sherbet
» 2 Newsreaders
» 3 Targets: Max & Des
» 4. Goodies Turning ...
» 5. Beanz Ads
» 6. Targets: Nichola...
» 7. Goodies In Love
» 8. The Trandem
» 9. Targets: Tony Bl...
» 10. Inventions
» 11. Tim In Drag
» 12. Targets - David...
» 13. Bill's Outfits
» 14. Live Music
» 15. Targets: Mary &...
» 16. Goodies Relatives
» 17. Tim's Patriotic...
» 18. Targets: Rolf H...
» 19. Bill & Graeme i...
» 20. Sports & Games
» 21. Targets: Lionel...
» 22. Guest Stars: Pa...
» 23. Graeme's Computer
» 24. Monty Python Re...
» 25. Targets: Eddie ...
» 26. Memorable Animals
» 27. Foreigners
» 28. Targets: The Ra...
» 29. Graeme falling ...
» 30. Targets - Royal...
» 31. Tim Crying
» 32. Baddies & Villa...
» 33. Targets: Ken Ru...
» 34. Quick Change Ca...
» 35. Goodies Deaths
A COLLECTION OF GOODIES THEMES #32
BADDIES & VILLAINS
Back around 1990, popular Australian comedy show "Fast Forward" often featured comedian Magda Szubanski playing a dippy female sports interviewer by the name of Pixie-Anne Wheatley. Pixie-Anne was a send-up of a couple of other female sports reporters who at the time were breaking new ground by reporting on male-dominated sports like Aussie Rules football and rugby while not necessarily knowing much about the game themselves and her seemingly clueless manner and ridiculous laugh (combined with Szubanski's own sharp wit and comic timing) made for some hilariously confusing interviews with famous sports stars … hopefully her interview with golf legend Jack Nicklaus is posted up on YouTube somewhere as it's a real classic!
This concept worked so well that Pixie-Anne then graduated to interviewing various entertainers and celebrities, including Bill Oddie on one of his birdwatching trips to Australia in the early 1990s. With Bill being a top comedian himself though, he soon woke up to what was going on and turned the tables on Pixie-Anne by making her speak in a really low deep voice because her normal one was at too high a frequency for him to hear it ("just like a bat", though then he laughingly declared that he wasn't implying that she was "a bat" herself!) However among all of the silliness, Pixie-Anne did actually ask him a rather pertinent question; to the effect of: "You were the Goodies. So who were the Baddies?" Bill successfully managed to avoid giving her a straight answer with his "deeper" voice request routine, so 25 years on I'll attempt to answer the question myself by taking a look at some of the most notable baddies and villains that the Goodies had to contend with along the way.
The giant animals such as Big Bunny, Kitten Kong, etc, have already been dealt with in a separate article earlier, as have the many instances where one of the Goodies has flipped their wig and turned Baddie, requiring the others to come up with a plan to bring them under control again. Therefore the main focus of this article is on some of the excellent guest stars that the Goodies had on the show, especially in the first four series.
In the very first episode, 'Beefeaters', the Goodies uncover a fiendish plot that involves starving the Beefeaters at the Tower of London by swiping their beef so that the ensuing lack of security would enable a much grander heist of the Crown Jewels to take place in turn. The initial baddie of the piece appears to be a burglar who is promptly caught in the act of trying to swipe the jewels (despite Tim's craven cowardice!), but the Goodies soon make the shock discovery (from the coat of arms on his outfit) that he is in fact a burglar to royalty 'by appointment'. While the Sergeant-at-Arms tries to persuade the burglar to talk by use of the garlic crusher thumbscrew from the kitchen (to the burglar's lament of: "Oh no, not that! I can't stand the smell of garlic!"), the Goodies are quickly off in search of his accomplice.
Their suspicion immediately switches to the masked "young him" lookalike with largish ears who is seen swinging a polo mallet on the lawn outside, as Tim says: "I suppose he's picked up that kind of irresponsible student prank from Cambridge! … Oh dear, if it really is him I'll probably be very embarrassed." and Graeme replies: "If it really is him, I should think he'd be very embarrassed!"
A wild polo-playing, fruit-splattering chase scene ensues through the streets of London until the rider disappears through the gates of Buckingham Palace and as the Beefeater costume-clad Goodies hastily pull up at the locked gate, Tim is horrified to realize that "It really was him!" while Bill can only offer a worried "Oh flippin' heck!" before they jointly start to blubber in despair. Thankfully though, a later message from a certain 'Elizabeth R' (delivered to the Goodies' office by the fearsome-looking Black Rod) in response to Tim's apologetic telegram to the palace eases their concerns as their actions in attempting to apprehend the supposed villains (who were actually trying to put the real jewels back after the Royal Family had pawned them during tough financial times) were considered to be loyal and proper and they could look forward to being part of the next birthday honours list!
Fellow Series 1 episode, 'The Greenies', has the Goodies trying to thwart the shifty plans of the Army's War Office, who are intent on following up a number of other recent dastardly activities (such as ensuring there wasn't a dry eye in the house at the opening of "King Lear" in Stratford-on-Avon by testing tear gas in the audience!) by building a new missile testing range on the site of a proposed children's playground in the sleepy seaside village of Penrudden Cove.
The Goodies spy on the secretive army barracks at Penrudden Cove using a combination of Graeme's long range bugging device and Bill's lemon sherbet The report from the Captain to the Brigadier in the supposedly secret War Office meeting details all of the fiendish activities that the army has been up to; such as the tactical demolition of Carnarvon Castle (where they had even received thank-you letters from the Welsh Tourist Board for the huge number of visitors going to see the biggest hole in the ground in Britain!) and the defoliation of the New Forest which has been designated as a limited nuclear weapons testing site (Captain: "The bag to date is 200 picnickers and a brace of ponies." Brigadier: "Anyone object?" Captain: "Only about the ponies, Sir!")
The Goodies eventually outsmart the army personnel by disguising themselves as ballistic experts and demonstrating the capabilities of the missile testing ground (which has been expertly disguised itself as a children's playground "for camouflage purposes") to the rather puzzled and slightly suspicious Captain and Brigadier. This is done by various clever means such as playing cricket with grenades, firing nuclear torpedoes in a wading pool, launching rockets with a see-saw, using a swing as a missile interceptor and playing hopscotch to crack a computer code.
At the conclusion of the briefing, Graeme cunningly tells the army troops that they have new orders from the War Office – they have all been sold off to the blacks in South Africa as a trade for the weapons that had been sold to the whites there! As the dejected troops disappear, the Goodies change the 'War Office Missile Testing Range' sign to a new one for 'Reverend Rose's Children's Camp' and a busload of new recruits - needy children - are then brought in to test out the playground equipment, much to the bemusement of the foreign military spies watching through binoculars in the trees.
On the trandem ride to the Ministry in 'Pollution', the Goodies encounter a horribly toxic and polluted environment, with streets filled with garbage, radioactive cows crackling away in a paddock, and a beach strewn with oil drums and rubbish. The sea is coated in smelly brown muck, while a plane takes off from close range with a deafening roar (as buildings collapse and Graeme's glasses shatter) and the acid rain that begins to fall soon rots Tim's umbrella away.
The Ministry of Pollution is a huge ugly factory (with a "Conservationists Go Away" sign on prominent display outside) and it appears as though the Ministry is actually manufacturing pollution rather than controlling it. The Goodies follow a Ministry van as it leaves the factory and watch with astonishment as the Minister firstly changes the sign on the van to 'Pest Control' and shrivels a gardener's prize marrow away to nothing with weedkiller, then returns shortly afterwards in disguise as an 'Official Marrow Salesman' to sell the gardener a replacement one. He then changes the van sign to 'Crop Spraying' and forces the Goodies to duck for cover as a blast from a crop-dusting plane instantly turns the lush green meadow in which they are standing into a dead stinking wasteland.
In order to investigate the Ministry's activities more closely, the Goodies pose as bowler-hatted civil servants from Whitehall and armed with a hidden camera and tape recorder - and a microphone on Graeme's extendable arm (as well as clothes pegs on their noses to give them the right plummy voices!) - they uncover the Ministry's dastardly secret plans to pollute the entire countryside. The Minister informs them that the government now has a "planned pollution scheme" and some of its activities would include piping tar into the Thames so that it would drift out to sea, solidify and create a cross-channel road; using noisy giant Concordes to spray concentrated insecticides up and down the country and then establishing earplug factories from which the surplus earplugs would ultimately be burnt as domestic fuel.
The extra smoke in the air would turn day into night and employees then would work more productively around the clock because they wouldn't be able to tell what time of day it is, while nobody would want to take holidays, as the beaches and other leisure places would be too polluted to use. Once the country reaches this diabolical state, the Ministry would then set its "Department for Putting Everything Right" into action to clean up the mess and create millions of new jobs, while making a fortune in the process (After all, "Effluence means affluence." according to the Minister.)
The Goodies decide that they must take on the Ministry of Pollution themselves, so Graeme cleverly devises a magic purifying mixture of seeds, fertilizer and aftershave which is to be sprinkled into the clouds so that when it rains, the whole countryside will be covered with a layer of sweet-smelling grass and flowers. Tim and Bill declare "That's just silly!", but they are soon sitting with Graeme aboard the trandem which dangles precariously beneath a hot air balloon.
Regrettably Graeme's magic mixture gets jettisoned into a single cloud which drops its entire load directly onto London's West End, causing it to turn into a lush green jungle. The Minister is far from upset with having his pollution plans thwarted though as he is making a fortune from nationalizing the sale of lawnmowers and also tells the Goodies that the beautiful new meadowland outside their window is the perfect place for London's new airport, to the roar of a huge plane passing immediately overhead.
Series 2 episode 'The Music Lovers' features Henry McGee guest-starring in the ultimate role as a Goodies Baddie: the fiendish Music Master, with an honourable mention to Norman Mitchell who co-stars as his thuggish dopey sidekick Gerald. McGee appeared in Bill Oddie's edition of 'This Is Your Life' in 2002 (along with Frank Thornton and Tony Blackburn) and he gleefully reminisced that "All actors would rather play villains than heroes. (The Goodies) gave me the ultimate accolade when they cast me as the wickedest man in the world. The only trouble is that every straight part I've had since has been somewhat of an anticlimax."
In the episode, the spate of famous musicians disappearing mid-performance from various locations in Britain leads Graeme to suspect that someone is deliberately stealing them. He proposes that the Goodies should also become famous performers so that they can also be stolen and can then find out who is responsible and stop them. The only hitch is that the Goodies can't play any musical instruments, but true to their motto of 'Anything, Anytime', they soon learn how. Bill eventually unleashes a sizzling rendition of 'Land of Hope and Glory' on his electric guitar, with Graeme on piano and Tim hitting the high notes with his two pretty glee singers and the thugs duly arrive straight afterwards, but only take Tim's glee singers away with them.
Bill's indignant "Oi, what about us?!" only gets a reply of "You ain't good enough!" from the thugs, but undeterred, the Goodies stage a free non-stop open air music festival in the spirit of Woodstock as the "Philharmonic Glee Club Rock 'N Roll Band". They boldly perform jazz, folk, classical and gospel music for seven days and nights, but nobody even comes to see them, let alone steal them. However finally their perseverance pays off as their stage is driven away on the back of a truck to a country hideaway, where they are herded inside by gun-toting goons to meet "the arch-villain who designed this whole devilish scheme". An evil-looking gentleman in a black cape makes a grand entrance; riding into the room aboard a batwing-shaped pipe organ and introduces himself as ... "The Music Master!"
The Music Master tells the Goodies that he once owned a recording studio, which produced sure-fire hit albums (such as 'Val Doonican Hums The Nun's Chorus For 97 Minutes' and 'The Julie Andrews Album Of Rugby Songs'!) that for "some strange reason didn't sell." His ultimate failure is a tiny circle of plastic that he holds aloft, declaring: "I used to produce records like this. The Best of Rolf Harris", only for Tim to exclaim: "But ... but there's nothing on it!" as he ruefully agrees: "True!" He was despised by the music world, so he decided to "teach them a lesson" and is now embarking on his vengeful master plan to steal all of the musicians and imprison them in recording studios inside his hideaway so that he alone can produce all of the records.
Among his stable of stars are Engelbert (who mournfully sings "Please release me, let me go ..." when his cell door is opened), the warring reunited Beatles and Cilla Black; much to Bill's disgust, as he still can't stand her high notes. The Music Master really has rounded up everyone of note and is now working on recording odd duets like "Blood, Sweat and Tears ... and Moira Anderson" and "Yehudi Menuen Meets The Big Ben Banjo Band", and actually takes it as a compliment when he is called "a loony" by Graeme!
Now that the Music Master has the Goodies in his clutches, he expects them to record for him and even when Tim declares that their "little ruse has worked" and that "We are in fact the Goodies, hey hey hey!"; he chillingly asks them "And what are you going to do?!" (not much when his squad of thugs are holding loaded pistols at the Goodies' heads!) The Goodies are locked up in a cell and given one hour to produce a hit record, but the Music Master's bone-headed henchman Gerald makes their job virtually impossible when he ties their hands behind their backs and gags them because they "made such an 'orrible noise". The Music Master impatiently demands that they produce a "number one sure-fire chartbuster" and with the threat of being locked up with Rolf Harris giving them sudden inspiration, Bill asks Tim and Graeme to start up a square dance rhythm. Tim and Graeme bleat that they don't know how to play one, but the Music Master merrily strikes up a square dance tune plays on the organ as Gerald and his fellow thugs take partners and dance along to Bill's instructions.
As Bill gets the dancers to jump out the window (with them getting stuck inside brass instruments sitting outside the window), the Goodies are able to escape the Music Master's clutches, but take the time to release the other locked-up musicians first. Tim goes to let Cilla out, but Bill moans "No no don't let her out ...Oh those high notes, it's not fair on the world!" and Tim agrees (after hearing a blast of "You're My World" from Cilla), so they leave her locked up and flee outside.
The Goodies find it difficult to ward off Gerald and the other pursuing thugs, as they firstly try another round of square dancing ("Now everyone stop and doe-se-doe, punch your partner on the nose. Slap his face, kick his shin, all join arms and around again!") and then play Brahms' 'Lullaby' (which almost makes them nod off too) and 'God Save The Queen' (making Gerald and Co stand to attention) before they race to the bottom of a steep hill and set up a barricade of musical instruments. They finally force the thugs to back off (after Bill rebounds their bullets at them with a drum and knocks their hats off) when Graeme fires shells at them from his tuba cannon; however, the Goodies are in deep trouble when the Music Master rides over the hill on his organ, lowers the pipes and fires mortars at them. In desperation, Tim calls up reinforcement troops (which consist of the Halle Orchestra firing violin bows to the tune of Beethoven's 5th Symphony!) who quell the Music Master and he is marched back to the house past his fallen troops to the tune of 'The Last Post' ringing out.
The Goodies are richly rewarded for their efforts with a pile of gifts from the music industry, including the loan of the half-clad Northern Dance Orchestra members who loudly sing Edelweiss to Bill while he is in the bathtub! However there is a "certain young lady who we left locked up because we couldn't stand her high notes" to contend with and Cilla probably becomes a baddie herself at the end of the episode by unleashing a massive high pitched note just outside the door of the Goodies office which wrecks all of the Goodies' nice presents and causes the ceiling to cave in. Also the Music Master and Gerald haven't quite finished with menacing the Goodies yet and make a welcome return further down the track in Series 3.
The 'Come Dancing' episode in Series 2 features in my opinion the two best female Goodies villains, with the devious Delia Capone, played by Joan Sims, and June Whitfield playing the nice Penelope Fay and then her darker alter ego Peaches Stiletto with aplomb too.
The Goodies are asked by Penelope to be part of her formation dancing team in next week's final of the 'Come Dancing Show' seeing as her own male dancers have all been injured in suspicious circumstances. Bill claims that "they were nobbled" by another dancing team and Penelope confirms that the culprit is the Delia Capone Syndicate, who was the winner of the other semi-final after its opponents were doped and would therefore be competing against her own team in the final.
Just prior to the dance final, Delia Capone and her tough-looking lady gangsters mosey in and she attempts to bribe the Goodies to take a dive ("How does a grand grab ya?" Tim (startled): "A grand what?!") before her ladies offers the Goodies a glass of bright green milk each from their violin cases ("So the cows ate a lotta grass!"). The Goodies are too noble to be bribed (though Bill pays a high price for this nobility when Delia – having already sneeringly called him a "punk" and a "squirt" - pours a glass of tainted milk into the crotch of his pants!) and take to the floor dancing the Military Twostep impeccably with the help of their special suits. Delia's dancers are very ordinary and out-of-step, but keep intimidating the judges to ensure maximum points; so after three dances, the scores of the two teams are still even.
A furious Delia waits in the dressing room and as Graeme comes offstage to adjust the control box for the suits, she berates him for not taking a dive ("Big Delia told ya to lose and ya didn't, did ya?!") Graeme is in a big hurry to get back on the floor for the next dance and inadvertently reveals the secret of the suits to an agog Delia ("But this is cheating!") before he comes out of the dressing room and reality hits him ("What have I done?!") Delia steals the control box and has great pleasure fiddling with the settings, which sends the Goodies dancing madly all over the place to the tune of 'Baby Face'. When the Goodies are also given 5 million points (just like her corrupt team, who hold up additional cards to turn the judges' marks of zero into a score of 5 million) Delia detonates the control box, suits and still-dancing Goodies in a wild fit of rage.
The contest is declared a draw, so Penelope only gives the Goodies half the money that she promised (neatly snapping the bundle of notes down the middle); a fair deal in her mind because she only ended up with half a trophy! Delia and her girls burst in again to reclaim the other half of the cup and Bill (further intimidated by Delia flicking the ash from her cigar into his pocket) wants to leave while Tim tries to stand up for Penelope to protect her from Delia's threats of violence. An incredulous Delia roars "Penelope?! Who's Penelope? ... You poor suckers! She's Peaches Stiletto, the ballroom shark!" (while Peaches winks and twitches away in a rather shifty-looking manner) and details Peaches' litany of prior convictions and exploitations of young dancers, who are later cast aside when they are of no further use to her.
Tim is horrified by this notion; naively lamenting: "I thought ballroom dancing was so beautiful and pure ..." only for Peaches Stiletto to wail: "Pure! (laughing madly) It's a rat race, it's hard, it's tough and it's oh so lonely. God, it's lonely. Those aren't people out there, they're bank clerks!" Peaches tearfully admits that she has indeed exploited the Goodies and complains that "no bank is going to take back a clapped-out dancer"; however she refuses to pack in the dancing caper because "I make a lot of money out of it" and she also wants to defeat Delia in the dance contest first.
Delia demands a dance-off at dawn on Hampstead Heath; with her men in a fight to the death with Peaches' "ladies", as the Goodies look all around in puzzlement before realising that Peaches is talking about them! With an announcer and referee in place, a ravishing Tim (complete with mouthguard and weighing "140 pounds, two and a half new pence!") struts around in a twelve-round tango battle, then stomps on his opponent's foot before a busty Bill scores a KO with a low blow. The ladies' Latin Medley formation team then belts the tripe out of the men in the final round, which sends Delia into another berserk tantrum and puts her out of business for good, along with Peaches who is able to retire from dancing on a high note.
'Double Trouble' features one of the more bizarre Goodies villains: the mysterious Doctor Petal (played by Doctor Who's Patrick Troughton), who makes an unheralded entrance into the Goodies' 'Nicest Person of the Year Award'. The award contest is a bit dodgy in any event as the Goodies have entered their own contest in a bit to create some good self-publicity and win the prizemoney, while up against the likes of Liberace, Tony Blackburn, Moira Anderson, Lovelace Watkins, Hughie Green and David Frost ("a load of creeps", according to an unimpressed Bill).
After the Goodies are treated with disdain and derision by the general public and then by the police, they realise that there are others out there impersonating them and doing all sorts of wicked deeds in their name to ruin their public image. These three 'baddies' make a clean getaway on the trandem (which had been stolen from the real Goodies earlier) and the Goodies are still supposedly causing havoc in four different cities across Britain in a short space of time (including saying "Knickers!" to Vera Lynn), as the Police Sergeant says "They're giving you a very bad name" to the real Goodies; who are still at the police station. Before too long, the other entrants in the 'Nicest Person Of The Year Award' are also reported as doing bad things, such as Liberace assaulting his Mum, Lord Longford selling dirty books in Soho and Moira Anderson opening a sex boutique!
Graeme realises that the impersonators must all be robot dummies, so the Goodies decide to follow nice people who are behaving badly. They eventually follow a group of nuns on roller-skates (who have just robbed a bank!) into a house and enter the spooky dungeon inside. Tim bumps into a covered pile of gear along the wall and a cloth slides off to reveal a bunch of headless dummies. The Goodies hear someone coming and each pull open a cupboard to hide in (which reveals the robot doubles of themselves, much to their horror) before they are cornered by the mysterious and creepy Dr Wolfgang Adolfus Ratfink Von Petal.
As the Goodies are being tied up, Graeme recalls that the doctor has received the Nobel Prize for "the most unpleasant and irresponsible scientist of the century", but Dr Petal claims that he is simply misunderstood and just wants to be liked. He tells them the sad story of his childhood where even his parents didn't like him - hence they christened him Ratfink - and that "I was the ugly duckling who grew up to be the ugly duck!" Dr Petal laments that: "Nobody loves me ... except for my pet vulture Lucretia. She only stays with me because she knows I left her something in my will.", and when Bill asks: "What have you left her?", he rather creepily responds: "Me!" He also tells them that he had spent his whole life helping people; including "the Americans with their H-bomb, the Russians with their missiles, the British with their biological warfare. I even helped the Nazis ... how generous can you get?!" Therefore he has entered the 'Nicest Person of the Year Award' and intends to win it after ruining the chances of the other contestants with his wicked robot doubles.
Dr Petal intends to kill the Goodies so that his secret is safe and sets up an ingenious death device where they will either die from an alligator attack or from a bath of sulphuric acid falling on them. Somehow Graeme's potato peeler saves the day and the Goodies escape, but they are promptly recaptured by Dr Petal and strapped to a large bomb which is also attached to a cork holding back a burst of poison gas. Dr Petal hollers a maniacal "Goodbye Goodies! Bahahaha ...!" and leaves to collect his award as Graeme ponders how to get the Goodies out of their second deadly predicament.
At the 'Nicest Person of the Year Award' ceremony, the initial 200 entrants have been whittled down to a mere three (with the others having left the country, gone into hiding, changed their names, had plastic surgery done or locked themselves in the bathroom, according to the host!) – a bishop, a little old lady and Dr Petal. As a bookmaker spruiks the ever-changing odds, the old lady is carted away by police and the bishop's impressive charity profile is undermined by the revelation of his hobbies ("whipping choirboys, talking to sailors, dressing up as a woman (and) ... hoping to star in his own blue movies!") which leaves Dr Petal as the undisputed winner. Graeme finally hatches an escape plan, but he is too late as the bomb explodes and the Goodies are propelled into the air and through the roof of the 'Nicest Person of the Year Award' venue just as Dr Petal is about to be crowned.
Host Michael Aspirin is all confused as the Goodies protest the result and Dr Petal brings his the doubles of the Goodies on stage to try to prove that the real Goodies are in fact fakes. A lengthy chase scene occurs as the real Goodies try to dismantle the robots, which have superhuman strength, and there is much confusion as to whether a Goody is real or a dummy. After the Goodies finally succeed in quelling the robots, Tim toasts their 'Nice Person of the Year Award' win when Dr Petal bursts into the office and steals the crown; madly cackling "I'm nice! I'm really nice! ..." as he disappears. Tim summons Bill and Graeme to chase after Dr Petal, but they are just android doubles who attack him instead as he frantically calls out for the real Goodies to come and help him.
Series 3 episode 'For Those In Peril On The Sea' features the enjoyable return of the two arch villains from 'The Music Lovers'; the Music Master and his henchman Gerald. This time around the Goodies have been becalmed in the South Pacific Ocean for 40 days while in a futile search for the Lost Island of Munga and with having reached the point of near starvation (after picking all of the flesh off Bill's vulture Lew) decide to sound the distress signal (a piercing wail from Bill!) and make a swim for the first boat that they see - a huge oil tanker that spews vast amounts of filthy black oil into the crystal clear ocean.
On board, the Goodies emerge from the ship's hold in clean white sailor outfits and meet the oil millionaire Stavros Monopolopolous, who is being tended to by several beautiful girls and his dim-witted offsider Gerald. After the Goodies accuse him of being an "irresponsible lunatic" and an "anti-social menace" for his ecological vandalism, he tells them his sad life story, but then admits that he enjoys pouring oil into the sea and killing hundreds of fish just to "extract a little fun out of living". The oil tycoon's suspicion that the Goodies are not the "humble shipwrecked sailors" that they claim to be is aroused by their non-recognition of the bellbottoms on his sailors and this doubt is confirmed when the Goodies are unable to get through a rendition of 'There Is Nothing Like A Dame' successfully. ("Aha, I knew it! You're not real sailors. That last note always sorts 'em out!") He suggests that they might fancy "a short walk before tea" and instructs Gerald to "prepare the P-L-A-N-K" – something which Gerald takes a little while to process before he waves his gun around menacingly to force the Goodies to make a hasty jump off the plank and into the ocean.
The Goodies are washed up onto the beach of Munga and Bill constructs a grass hut, while Tim plants a Union Jack flag and proudly salutes it and Graeme has to take hasty evasive action from an exploding pineapple grenade that he has tossed away nearby. The Goodies are bemused to see a line of native girls busily peeling a stack of potatoes and then pouring the baskets of chips into the sea, so they visit the local tourist office and inside they find an evil property developer (Honest Harold Higginbotham") who looks suspiciously like the oil millionaire that they crossed paths with earlier. He also reminds them of a past villain - the Music Master - and he reveals his true identity as "the Napoleon of wickedness, the most naughty man in the world. Master Of Disguises – Sussex University! Arch rascal, the prince of mischief. You may know me as … Nasty Person!" He unveils a board of his other secret identities (featuring photos of Richard Nixon, Enoch Powell, Idi Amin and David Frost; then proudly boasts "All me!") and reveals that his master plan is to fill the ocean with oil, fish and potatoes, then strike a match ("boom, burn, frizzle, fry ... fish and chips!") so that he can feed the 8000 visitors scheduled to arrive at his flashy planned holiday resort - the "Costa Munga".
The Goodies are appalled by this monstrous island-spoiling scheme, but Nasty Person asks them what they are going to do about it in his usual calm menacing tone. Graeme claims that his pencil is filled with poison gas and manages to trick Nasty Person into hiding in a cupboard in the office for refuge when he snaps the pencil in half, then locks the cupboard securely. Gerald bursts into the room soon afterwards and demands to know what the Goodies have done with his boss, but Graeme impersonates Nasty Person and Gerald goes away impressed and happy - "You've disguised yourself as the Goodies! This is the best yet. Oh Boss!"
The Goodies perform a rain dance with the help of the native girls to summon up a mighty storm to scare away the tourists and everything gets blown away so that the Goodies and the native girls are adrift on a raft in the midst of the wild storm. When the storm subsides, the Goodies find themselves back at Southampton and go back to the office to change out of their damp clothes. The dry gear is supposedly in the Goodies' new-found cupboard, but it only contains a soggy, shivering Nasty Person with a fish in his mouth when the door is opened up.
"Way Outward Bound" also sees the return of a baddie from an earlier episode, but this time as a different character. Joan Sims performs a second guest role; this time as the Matron at the Loch Jaw Outdoor School and early on in the episode it appears as though she is the pleasant 'good guy' of the piece compared to the gruff bombastic demeanour of Sergeant-Major Bullcock as the Goodies (disguised as little children) try to withstand the rigours of the harsh boarding school.
The eventual discovery that there are large numbers of babies being trained as a private army on the school premises alarms the Goodies, so they visit the Matron (as she is the only person that they can trust) and tell her the evil deeds that the Sergeant-Major and his henchmen are up to, much to her shock and disbelief. After she offers them "a nice hot cocoa and choccy-woccy bickies", the Matron helps them to hatch an escape plan (through a gap in the barbed wire fence past the searchlight and machinegun post, with only the dogs and minefield to worry about after that!) but she refuses to go with them as her place is "there with the children."
The Goodies are just about to make their getaway when the Sergeant Major and his offsiders enter for more weapons practice, so they confront him and he is shocked when he finally realises that guns can actually kill people (rather than simply being "for carrying on your shoulder in a smart orderly fashion") and claims that he is only following orders. The Matron then surprisingly reveals that she is the one who is really in charge (peeling off her nightdress to reveal a military uniform underneath and opening a wall section to show a secret control panel), with "a lifelong dream of power over an army of unthinking obedient warriors". Within a few short years of training her babies, she will have a "crack regiment" to unleash on an unsuspecting world – "then I shall be conqueror!" – which initially draws applause from everyone present until a horrified Graeme tries to talk her out of it by telling her: "You're wrong! You're so wrong! It's been tried before, it never works. Genghis Khan, Attila the Hun … I've even tried it myself, it's not worth the effort, dear!"
Tim reveals that he and his other two school chums are in fact The Goodies, but far from being intimidated, the Matron merely instructs her troops to dispose of them. Tim's last request however is for a final session of physical exercise, during which they quietly sneak out of the room, but they soon come under heavy fire from the army of brainwashed babies once the Matron realises that they are trying to escape. After they finally subdue the tiny soldiers (with bottles of warm milk from the supply depot cow!), the Goodies wheel the babies off into the sunset and back to the office to deprogram their military minds with a freedom speech from Graeme that Tim translates into baby talk before succumbing to his own burst of megalomania right at the very end of the episode.
In 'Camelot', Tim's Uncle King Arthur wants him to look after his castle while the family goes on holiday, and particularly to save it from the local planner from Solihull (superbly played by guest star Alfie Bass), who wants to knock it down. The planner immediately enters the Goodies' office and tries to intimidate them (with the assistance of his bowler-hatted henchmen Garth and Brutus) into selling Camelot to him, so that he can use the land to build "the Camelot Highway providing a totally unnecessary eyesore miles away from the Stonehenge power station, the Warwick Castle supermarket and the Buckingham Palace cement factory!" The planner tries to justify his actions with a sobbing "I love ancient monuments and beauty spots, but I just have to destroy them, I can't help it, I can't, I can't …" and threatens that he won't leave the room until the Goodies have signed the castle over to him. However, firstly Tim, then surprisingly Graeme, attempts a patriotic speech to 'Land Of Hope And Glory' about it being their duty to protect their heritage and defend Uncle King Arthur's property, which is enough to send the planner and his henchman running for cover for the time being.
Graeme has the bright idea of opening Camelot up to the public to raise money for its preservation and for an entry fee of 50p, tourists can suffer all sorts of medieval mayhem along the way, including cockfights, dancing bears and witch burning. The money soon trickles in, as Tim proudly counts out the "38 quid" from their first day takings, but Bill claims that he is about to make 40,000 pounds from the sale of the castle to the pesky planner, who has crept in and made another substantial and sorely-tempting offer. Graeme promptly evicts the planner for not wearing medieval clothes before Bill can sign anything, but the planner threatens to take the castle "by vacant possession" the minute that all three Goodies step outside; something which they soon have to do when a huge fire-breathing dragon terrorises a distressed damsel on the lawn in front of the castle.
Graeme eventually puts out the flames using the maiden's pointed hat as a fire extinguisher, only to find that the dragon is merely the planner's two henchmen dressed in disguise. Their ruse works well however, as the planner (by now dressed medievally in a suit of armour as "Ye Black Knight, persecutor of the weak, oppressor of the poor, with special files for compulsory purchase … oooh what a giveaway!") has sneakily managed to take possession of Camelot in their absence.
The Goodies are taken to the dungeon by the planner ("Strictly speaking, I should take you to the County Court, but this way it will be quicker and lots more fun!") and are worked over with a variety of torture methods such as the rack, a live crab and the "death of a thousand chuckles" (and some rather tortuous medieval gags too, such as the "red hot pokers" and "torture chamber", for that matter!); however Graeme claims that the only way to decide possession of Camelot is to have a proper medieval duel for it. After a closely fought battle which involves archery, swordsmanship, jousting and other disciplines, Ye Goodies reclaim Camelot by Graeme's last-ditch use of a giant magnet to disarm Ye Black Knight the planner and his henchmen just in time for the return of Uncle King Arthur and family from their holiday.
The final episode of Series 4, 'The Race', has the Goodies taking a working holiday in France and deciding to enter the Le Mans 24 hour race after their unexpected success in winning the Tour de France cycle race a little earlier. Bill reads out the list of race entrants for Le Mans, which includes other weirdly-named drivers from Spain, America ("Luke Lively in a Lotus", to which a surprised Graeme remarks "That's a flower!" and Bill responds "He's a funny fella!") and Japan, but the late entry of the "villainous French nobleman from County Cork", Baron O'Beef (expertly played by regular Goodies stuntman Bill Weston) causes much concern to the Goodies.
At the practice session, the Baron cruises by in a black car with an evil smile on it (which chokes the other entrants with a trail of exhaust fumes on the way past), then gradually proceeds to nobble all of the other cars during the practice session. He throws a match in the petrol tank of the tiny Japanese car (which is complete with 'Ever Leady' battery!) and forces Senor Gazpacho to brake suddenly and hurtle out of his car into a pile of tyres (after which the Spanish driver waddles away cursing while still wrapped up inside the tyre stack). Eventually the entire engine and interior of the Goodies car falls out onto the track when Graeme and Bill try to tow it with the trandem after lots of sly tampering from the notorious Baron.
From the newspaper headlines, it seems as though the Baron will be the only entrant in the race after he has succeeded in nobbling all of the other race cars, but Graeme isn't done with yet. He claims to have converted the disused railway station into a car, but Tim and Bill merely humour him for starters (and Bill prepares to "ring the funny farm" to have them come and collect him!) before Tim takes the railway station for a drive around the track. The Goodies assemble for the start of the race, along with the evil, grinning Baron and one other entrant, so when the starter's gun goes off (with the Baron pulling a pistol and returning fire at the starter!) there is a mad scramble and the Baron and the Goodies engage in an enthralling battle as they swerve all over the racetrack. Both camps climb in and out of their moving vehicles in a bid to dispose of the Baron's hand grenade, which eventually detonates on the desk of the excited race commentator as the tight battle continues.
The Baron crashes into the rear of the third entrant's car that is still stalled at the starting line, which puts him out of the race and provokes a flood of tears from him as he sits in his crumpled wreck. However the Goodies are also out of the race after Tim loses control and runs off the track – a situation that remains out of control until the grand finale where the railway station sprouts wings as it sails over the cliff edge and flaps off into the sunset.
The special made at the end of Series 5, The Goodies Rule OK, features a number of different foes that the Goodies have to battle during the course of the episode. The first of these emerge after the Goodies-endorsed Bouncing Party is defeated in a landslide election loss to the Standing Party; whose politicians (including new PM Mr John "I'm No Dummy" Smith) look suspiciously like plastic mannequins in pinstriped suits and bowler hats and are carried by minions into 10 Downing Street and the Houses of Parliament. A town crier (Norman Mitchell aka "Gerald" making a third guest appearance) soon reads out a lengthy parliamentary edict in a bleak windswept street which bans all "bouncing, waltzing, funky chickening" and decrees that "it will be an offence for any subject of this land to enjoy himself in any way whatsoever." Bill yells "Cobblers!" in response and the Goodies start to dance around a chap who merrily plays an accordion in the street; however their fun is soon stamped out with the arrival of the dreaded Mirth Inspectors; hooded, black-garbed, baton-wielding thugs on horseback who clobber puppeteers, burst kids balloons, burn all items of entertainment (including basketballs, comics, films, books and musical instruments) and harass anyone who is having a good time on their killjoy crusade to 'Keep Britain Gloomy'.
However an uprising takes place in nearby Sherwood Forest, as the Robin Hood-like Goodies ride around on their trandem and set about to entertain the public with various circus and magic acts. The Goodies' success in defying the government leads to headlines of "It's Prohibition - Fun Laws Tightened" (where 80% of the population are now considered to be lawbreakers), but "The Unmentionables" are not to be denied though. After the Goodies cause merry havoc with the St.Valentine's Day custard pie massacre, they seek refuge in an underground "joke-easy" and plot how to overthrow the Standing Party government. Meanwhile a Mirth Inspector stands against a wall (with an ever-growing shadow menacingly approaching him) as he tries to justify why he can't stop the Goodies from entertaining people. The shadow belongs to a bowler-hatted, plastic dummy politician who clobbers him in turn, with the Mirth Inspector even saying a quick "Thank you!" for the punishment to his political master before he hits the deck!
Following "an overwhelming vote of no confidence", the government is toppled (as wooden dummies tumble over like ninepins) and the Entertainers Party is poised to take power, except for one major hitch. Because they have spent so long in hiding, all of the old stars have forgotten how to do their acts, and they are utterly useless (despite some expert reminders of what they should in fact sound like from Graeme's brilliant mimicry!) As an interim measure, Bill comes up with the idea of a "puppet government", with Sooty as the new Prime Minister and Sweep as the Home Secretary. However Sooty prefers to "play the xylophone" on Nationwide rather than discuss serious political issues with the presenter and a rowdy nursery room-style scrap breaks out among the puppets during the parliamentary sitting, which forces the Goodies (who are watching a TV set embedded in a tree in Sherwood Forest) to venture to the PM's country mansion Chequers to sort things out.
After the Goodies avoid security (a Punch and Judy show atop a barn door) they storm the Cabinet room, where Tim lectures the puppets for behaving badly ("We're here to ask you to stop it. You know it makes sense!"), only to come under attack from all directions by enraged puppet politicians. The Goodies escape through a window and flee into the spacious gardens, but Pinky and Perky set off an alarm ("Not so fast!") and they are soon bailed up by giant puppets of Andy Pandy and his friends. Tim pulls out his conveniently-carried makeup kit, and he, Bill and an embarrassed-looking Graeme paint themselves up and dance along with the puppets until Graeme can't resist the temptation to give a suspicious Andy Pandy a punch where it hurts! Tim rests on a rubbish bin and is dragged inside by a huge green monster (a hybrid of Ernie, Oscar the Grouch and the Cookie Monster), after which there are chomping noises and a huge burp, only for Tim to emerge with a chunk of green fur in his mouth!
Graeme finally frees himself from the tangle of strings above Andy Pandy and friends; but he and Tim are then confronted by Bill and Ben the Flowerpot Men, so they grab swords and engage in a lengthy fencing duel with them. Meanwhile Bill is surrounded by a pack of Wombles and engages in a fierce wrestle with them as Graeme and Tim finally get the upper hand over the Flowerpot Men when they successfully cut the puppet's strings (apart from one hand which continues to joust with Graeme until he pushes its sword into the ground) and then dismantle the pots with a series of lusty blows from their swords
Having finally taken care of the Flowerpot Men and the Wombles, the three Goodies think that they are safe; however a giant Dougal dog from 'The Magic Roundabout' emerges and chases them around the estate grounds until it crashes into a copse of trees which the Goodies are able to dodge and weave through. Dougal flattens Tim from behind and gives Graeme a rather hair-raising, spinning ride on its back (before bucking him off into a pond), then Zebedee (a monster moustachioed spring-mounted jack-in-the-box) bounces after the Goodies and lifts Bill high in the air for a wild up-and-down ride (having nearly claimed Tim's crown jewels as a prize along the way!) The Goodies flee into a manhole just as a berserk Dougal crashes round and round through the walls of Chequers. Zebedee does a similar demolition job on the roof, (with Sooty and the other scared puppets trapped at the window inside), as rubble crashes down and water spurts out from broken pipes and the puppet government ultimately crashes down too.
In Series 6 episode, 'Lips or Almighty Cod', the Goodies find themselves pitched into a Cod War with the Eskimos, who have unilaterally decided to extend their cod fishing boundary south by another 2000 miles to London's latitude. Tim is fishing in the Serpentine and enjoys a perfect day for it (listening to 'Rule Britannia' on his radio while sitting idly on the bank) but he fails to notice the large white line drawn on the ground nearby. After he delivers the shipping forecast, the BBC Radio broadcaster somehow warns Tim of trouble "behind you!" and a boat with a large gun and harpoon on the deck appears in the Serpentine. A strange chap in a fur coat angrily shouts a load of gibberish into a megaphone (to which Tim replies by giving him the time and chortling "Maybe, but you should have seen Chelsea last week, hoo hoo hoo!") and gives an order to his henchman to fire the gun (which blows a large fish out of the water and into a jar beside a surprised Tim). Another bloke on the boat attempts to cut Tim's line with a knife, but only falls in the drink instead (as Tim pulls his line in at the last second) and several others do likewise when the boat starts to spin out of control.
The news of the strange people he saw out on the lake. Tim's description of these people as "Red Indians, maybe Chinese" with "slanty eyes (and) little floppy noses" makes Bill think it's Liza Minnelli (especially when the next clue is "fur coats"); however Graeme's expert on-the-spot artistic sketch reveals that it's the Eskimos, who have come to steal the British cod. The Goodies take the fight up to the Eskimos (with an outraged Graeme the fish breeder clouting the chief Eskimo over the head with a well-aimed swipe of his cod) but Tim and Bill get carried away and fling all of Graeme's cod at the retreating Greenlanders, who gratefully scoop up all of the fish as they depart, with a grateful cry of "Thenk you veddy merch!"
The Goodies eventually manage to solve their fishy famine by taking a trip to Eskimoland disguised as English Test cricketers and spiriting a single cod back to Britain again to a rapturous ovation from the general public. In a relatively short amount of time, Graeme's precious cod grows to the staggering length of "twenty-two feet, nine and three-quarter centimetres" and Tim and Bill are busy deciding how they are going to divvy him up for distribution to their hungry customers, but Graeme gets most upset at the thought of his "poor little coddy woddy" being killed and carved up and promises to find another food source instead.
In addition to Graeme's woes, the Goodies still need to scare away the Eskimos; with less-than-successful ideas initially canvassed that involve Bill's gratuitous use of a Nicholas Parsons mask (though Tim declares: "That might frighten us, but it won't work on the Eskimos. Our Nicholas is very big on Eskimo television. Does 'Whale of the Century' - they love him!"; to which an appalled Graeme replies: "Love him?! Good God, we're dealing with savages!" and him reading aloud some of the "101 useful phrases for scaring off unwanted Greenlanders" from an Eskimo phrase book that Tim conveniently locates nearby. ("If only we had an Eskimo phrase book ... ah, here's one!") Upon Graeme's request, Tim and Bill partake in various experiments to figure out "how to annoy fish" in a bid to transform Graeme's "camp cod into a fearless killer of the deep", but after little success (though a lot of fun!), Bill and Tim decide to try to scare the Eskimos away themselves ("We don't need him and his mincing great poofy cod!") Bill tries to warn the Eskimos off as Tim poses firstly as a shark, then a sea monster (much to the interest of a family watching from their living room with binoculars – "Ooh look Dad!"), only to be found out each time as Tim gets into difficulty. Bill eventually gets splashed with food and drink by the scornful Eskimos, who then chase him into the lake and splash both he and Tim with water for their trouble.
Meanwhile Graeme makes the brilliant accidental discovery that "a nice spot of soothing music" from Max Bygraves on his gramophone is the secret trigger for making his fish thrash around furiously in their tanks and he throws a huge set of false teeth into the cod's tank as the piece-de-resistance and opens the gate to sends his killer cod out after the Eskimos. To Graeme's delight, the frightened Eskimos are soon sent packing, but a further casual glance reveals that Bill and Tim are in deep trouble, being circled by the enraged cod in the water, to the appropriate 'Jaws' theme music in the background. Although it appears as the Eskimos have finally been vanquished, the grand finale where the cod crashes into the pier, (upending the drums of oil and batter and toppling a broken light, which detonates an enormous explosion) soon brings them rushing back to share in the big shower of fishfingers that rain down on them and the Goodies.
In "Daylight Robbery on the Orient Express", Graeme comments: "I think we've got 'em fooled" as his quirky commentary, Tim's sexy costume changes and Bill's use of props have made it appear to the Detectives Club members as though the stationary train that they are sitting in is actually moving. He states however that "a crime is still required" for the detectives to solve and a tired, fed-up and rather smelly Bill boards the train and threatens to oblige by killing him! Bill had crawled beneath the train to shelter from the snow (right underneath the toilets!) and angrily hands the train record back to Graeme as he refuses to do any more work. However there is still a chuffing sound coming from the train and when Bill steps out the door, he lands on top of his cow and sees the train heading off into the distance.
Bill frantically chases the train as it heads south from Dover, but can't quite catch up with it. Tim starts to get hysterical that "We're moving, we're moving!" and gets slapped across the face by Graeme, only to start to cry and protest that he wants Bill back, which turns into a lovelorn serenade until a mocking Graeme tells him to "put a sock in it!" as Bill would have "grabbed on the back" of the train. A peek out the window reveals that the train is now travelling underwater across the English Channel and Tim panics that Bill has drowned until there is a knock at the door. Tim gets all excited that Bill has returned, but he gets clobbered and knocked out when he opens up the door.
The three Goodies re-enter the main carriage (now all clad in their regular clothes) and Tim informs the shocked detectives that a theft has taken place, "not so much on this train as of this train", and that "we have all been stolen." Apparently the thief is still among them, so nobody can leave the train (particularly as they are now rolling along the bottom of the ocean!) The evidence from the crime scene points to the Goodies themselves as the culprits, but they are more concerned that the "old rhyme" is coming true, with the ten parties of detectives being disposed of one by one. This includes the Ellery Queens in the detached dining carriage, the Shafts in the exploding loo and the Hercule Poirots who spectacularly perish en-masse after they drink arsenic wine that has been poisoned with cyanide!
Tim is the chief suspect, (being the last person to touch the wine bottle after the Poirots have pegged it) so he decides to make a run for it, only to find that the train is now several hundred metres off the ground and supported by ropes that dangle from two helicopters. 'The Goodies' assure the detectives that everything is okay, but they sneak into the back carriage to reveal with evil chuckles that the real Goodies are tied up there. The impostors have hijacked the train and taken it to the Cannes Festival of Le Boring, where the British team of bores (including John Peel, Vanessa Redgrave, Michael Parkinson and a Welsh male choir from the "land of a thousand Boyces") face a stiff challenge from the French team (which includes Charles Aznovoice, Brigitte Bardot, John Paul Satire and Sasha Disgrace) for the legendary Rose Bore.
A Spanish gypsy folk singer bores the living daylights out of the crowd with a long-winded flamenco wailfest, so they initially cheer wildly when the Orient Express crashes through the wall of the stadium and the impostors emerge as white-faced miming clowns. The crowd's mood soon turns to despair though when the mimes start to act out the whole "six and a half hours" of 'Murder on the Orient Express' (as the announcer groans "… and I seriously don't think that the crowd can take it! It's the bore of the festival, of the year, of the century!") in an independent attempt to win the Rose Bore. Meanwhile the real Goodies finally free themselves after the goat nibbles through Graeme and Tim's ropes (and Graeme nibbles Bill's rope in turn!) and they enter the arena just as the crowd and announcer are desperate for relief ("It's got to stop! Somebody do something, it's so bloody dull!")
The Goodies try to relieve the tedium with a jazz music act, but it soon comes to grief when the impostors explode their musical instruments with mimed guns and grenades. A set of mimed obstacles(including banana skins and a solid wall) by the impostors initially keeps the Goodies at bay, but they soon receive backup support from the various detectives, who all ride out from the train in wheelchairs (despite the Ironsides being the only group of detectives in wheelchairs upon boarding.) The Goodies also climb into wheelchairs for the pursuit (as does the goat!), but the impostors still retain the upper hand however, as they mime the placement of various obstacles (such as tacks and banana peels) on the roads to send the wheelchairs out of control.
When the remainder of the detectives are met head-on by a not-so-imaginary truck, it seems as though the baddies will escape from the Goodies' clutches in a rowboat at the docks. However the wheelchair-riding goat butts one baddie in the bum as he stands on the pier ready to board and he crashes heavily through the bottom of the boat, which sinks his two colleagues in the bargain. This draws a derisive mimed goat gesture from Graeme as the real Goodies stand at the edge of the pier and laugh at the impostors' plight. The Goodies then look up to see their Le Boring scores, which weren't low enough to win anyway!
By this stage of The Goodies, the show had evolved to the point where were are no longer guest villains and the Goodies were usually creating their own baddies by one or more of them going mad and the other sensible ones having to come up with a way to stop them. It was great though that a number of famous comedy stars had lent their talents to the earlier episodes to create such memorable villains for the Goodies to battle against.
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GOODIES GALLERY
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1/1 Beefeaters.
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The "burglar by appointment" and the suspicious polo player
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1/5 The Greenies
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The Army Captain & Brigadier in the war office
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2/3 Pollution
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The Minister for Pollution and his heavies
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2/5 The Music Lovers
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The villainous Music Master
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The Music Master's main henchman Gerald
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Gerald and his goons rough the Goodies up
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The ultimate Goodies baddie in full flight!
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2/8 Come Dancing
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Bill has a "little accident", courtesy of Delia Capone
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Peaches Stiletto & Delia Capone square off
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Peaches Stiletto, the "ballroom shark"
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2/13 Double Trouble.
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The evil Doctor Petal
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"I'm nice, I'm nice ... bwaahaahaa ... !"
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3/5 For Those In Peril On The Sea.
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Oil tycoon Stavros Monopolopolous ... a familiar face to the Goodies
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Property developer Honest Harold Higginbotham (aka the Music Master & Nasty Person) and his offsider Gerald
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3/6 Way Outward Bound
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The Matron is the real villain of the school after all
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4/1 Camelot
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Ye Black Knight (the town planner) storms the castle
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4/6 The Race
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The notorious Baron O'Beef
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Special - The Goodies Rule OK
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The Mirth Inspectors terrorize the public
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Tim & Graeme duel with Bill & Ben
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Bill wrestles with the Wombles
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6/1 Lips or Almighty Cod
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It's a cod war against the Eskimos
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6/3 Daylight Robbery on the Orient Express
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The bad Goodies tie up the good Goodies on the Orient Express
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One of the mimes tries to flee the detectives
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