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Janice's Journal
Back to Janice's Journal
2006-01-10 00:16:38
Young, innocent love...
When I was in Year Nine, I had a crush on a boy in my class all year. He was tall, dark, slim and good looking, (through my love goggles) and dressed impeccably. He wore glasses, but I didn't think that detracted from fact, I thought he didn't look right when he took them off for photos. He could rollerskate really well and I even liked the ADIDAS sneakers he wore! He was a key monitor with me every day and we had to go together to get the key, etc. It was a wonderful thing for a teenage girl with a crush! I was a little jealous of a couple of his female friends, but they had been friends for a long time and that’s all they seemed to be. It was unrequited love and in the next year or so, I eventually got another interest, but always had a bit of a soft spot for him, I guess. Throughout high-school he was a bookworm, who achieved high grades, worked conscientiously and never had a girlfriend. After high school finished, he visited me a couple of times at the department store I was working in. Then I didn’t see him anymore.

A number of years ago I went to the opening of a new housing establishment, to hear the free band. I saw someone who resembled his twin sister. I figured I had nothing to lose, so went and said hello and checked if I was right. It was her! She was very friendly to me. I took the opportunity to enquire about her brother. (Just in a friendly way…I was married at that stage!) And very casually she said, “He’s fine; he’s living with a guy; he’s gay,” just like that. My jaw wanted to drop to the ground, but I managed to look (I think) like nothing was out of the ordinary. She went on to tell me that he and his partner had been living together for five years. I told her I’d had a crush on him and she said, “You never told me!” (As if I would have told his sister!) “Can I tell him?” she asked. I replied, “Well, it won’t make much difference now!” (But, in a funny way, I kind of liked the idea that he would finally know…)

When I was on my way home I thought about it a lot, as I have from time to time. No wonder he never showed interest in girls! (Let alone me!) What a waste of time having a crush on him was! Another guy from high school, whom I told about it, wasn’t surprised at the news. Maybe guys sense these things better than we do...

Mood - Quiet
Music - None
Edited -

Ah,Janice-all that wasted love!All those hours of dreaming how your children would look .There is nothing that quite measures up to the crushes of youth!The crushes of adulthood are too grounded in practicality-whereas at that age anything is possible-in your head.(Even band members are going to fall in love with you if they ever meet you-haha-apparently oprah ,as a  young girl ,even felt that way about paul mccartney-that if he REALLY KNEW her he would love her haha).i had close friendships at school with 2 guys who turned out to be gay and it does make you wonder about yourself as well,if you know what i mean.What is it in you that makes you so comfortable around them,or them around you-is it because they are gentle or something?What do you think?Oh Janice-lets face it-he would HAVE to have been gay not to show an interest in you if you were as attractive and friendly back then as now .
Posted by:daftbird


date: 10/01/2006 18:50 GMT
Oh, how kind you are! But I was skinny and underdeveloped...Rather like now, really. Hehe! I was the class geek! A square; a dork! I hadn't developed my sense of humour enough at that time and couldn't laugh at myself. I was naive and sheltered. I lacked confidence. Basically, back then, I was not desirable to most guys... when guys started to notice me more, I didn't understand what was going on. At 18, or so, I had to start adjusting to the idea that guys were actually taking an interest in me! (I'd had a boyfriend in highschool and till I was 19, but once I was 'single' again, I discovered that I had changed, or at least attitudes towards me had! What a difference confidence makes...and getting positive attention from the opposite sex is good for building confidence. Although, in some ways, I'm still a little insecure and dependent...but not like I used to be!
Posted by:Janice

Janice WWW 

date: 10/01/2006 21:51 GMT
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