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THE GUARDIAN – 31st March 2007
(Alison Bean – 31st Mar)
Q&A
Graeme Garden
Interview by Rosanna Greenstreet
Saturday March 31, 2007
The Guardian
Graeme Garden, 64, was born in Aberdeen. He read medicine at Cambridge, but after qualifying as a doctor went into entertainment. He was a writer/performer on BBC radio's I'm Sorry, I'll Read That Again and made his TV debut in 1967 with the sketch show Twice A Fortnight. He teamed up with Tim Brooke-Taylor and Bill Oddie for The Goodies which was first broadcast in 1970. He devised I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, the long-running Radio 4 show on which he is still a panellist, and is currently touring the UK in The Goodies Still Rule OK!. He is married and lives in Oxfordshire.
When were you happiest?
The carefree bliss of exploring rockpools on the Macduff shore as a child. But I never like saying, 'It doesn't get any better than this' in case it doesn't.
What is your greatest fear?
Losing my mental faculties and knowing it.
Which living person do you most admire?
In a recent poll, the most admired person in the world was George Bush. I'd choose pretty well anyone else.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Possibly indecisiveness.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Intolerance. Especially intolerance of indecisiveness.
What was your most embarrassing moment?
Asking a woman when it was due. It wasn't.
Aside from a property, what's the most expensive thing you've ever bought?
The family car. I paid more for my VW Passat than I did for my first house.
What is your most treasured possession?
Our house.
What would your super power be?
Indefatigability.
What makes you depressed?
Hearing about terrible things done for the sake of superstitious beliefs.
What is your guiltiest pleasure?
Playing the banjo.
Would you rather be clever and ugly, or thick and attractive?
I wouldn't mind trying thick and attractive.
Who would play you in the film of your life?
Mark Gatiss.
What is your most unappealing habit?
Actually, I find all my habits appealing.
What is the worst thing anyone's ever said to you?
On a train once, a wild-eyed bloke said, 'Only an idiot would try to run this country. I am the next prime minister. Is this seat free?'
To whom would you most like to say sorry and why?
I can't think of a single person. Sorry.
Is it better to give or to receive?
Receiving is more cost-effective.
What, or who, is the greatest love of your life?
My children: Sally, John and Tom.
What does love feel like?
Physically and emotionally overwhelming, like the opposite of fear.
What was the best kiss of your life?
Startling.
Which living person do you most despise, and why?
Bill O'Reilly on Fox News. For no good reason, except he seems to despise everyone else for no good reason.
Who would you invite to your dream dinner party?
Leonardo da Vinci, Queen Victoria, Richard Feynman, Mary Magdalene, W Heath Robinson, Nancy Banks-Smith.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
'I'm not sure.'
If you could edit your past, what would you change?
I'd make a few judicious cuts to enhance the action, but some sequences I would run in slow-motion.
How often do you have sex?
Often enough to have stopped keeping count.
What single thing would improve the quality of your life?
The improvement of everyone's quality of life.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Devising I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue.
What song would you like played at your funeral?
I Don't Feel Like Dancin', by Scissor Sisters.
How would you like to be remembered?
Fondly and not too accurately.
What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
There's no point in worrying about things you can't change.
Tell us a joke.
It would be simpler to give you Barry Cryer's phone number.
Tell us a secret.
I worked on some of the original scripts for Mr Blobby.
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