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GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW #19 - MUMMY I DON'T LIKE MY MEAT
(from C&G #54 June 2000)
Hi there pop pickers and welcome to this month's music review.
WHO?
Your previous DJ, Oliver Reed Of The Paper, Thanks Dear has been abducted by the Lone Scout (plus one!), who has planted a bomb underneath him. We're desperately trying to come up with the ransom money so that the Lone Scout will keep his promise ... and blow Ollie up! ... but for now we'll cross to your digesting DJ Sir Loin It's Been Good To Gnaw You (AKA Brett Allender) and his review of "MUMMY I DON'T LIKE MY MEAT" by The Goodies.
WHERE? WHEN?
On the 70's album "The Goodies Sing Songs From The Goodies" (reissued later as "The World Of The Goodies") and in the "Superstar" special from 1973.
WHAT?
Lyrics: sung by Bill, with help from Tim
(Mummy, mummy, mummy. Mummy, mummy, mummy)
(Mummy, mummy, mummy. Mummy, mummy, mummy)
My baby daughter was crying, "I'm hungry, I'm hungry" she begged
My wife was in tears, I'd not worked for two years
Laid up with my rheumatic leg
We'd a poodle, a cat and a budgie
Three more hungry mouths I must feed
Now I'm asking you, what else could I do?
Oh whose was the greatest need
Mummy I don't like my meat
Hush child, don't speak while you're chewing
Oh Lord, please forgive what I'm doing
Mummy I don't like my meat
(Mummy, mummy, mummy. Mummy, mummy, mummy)
(Mummy, mummy, mummy. Mummy, mummy, mummy)
Mummy, where's Joey?
I told her the budgie was chicken, last Sunday we shared out the wing
I collected his feathers and stuck them together, she's asking me why he don't sing
(Why don't he sing, Mummy?)
Tomorrow we'll curry the poodle, that should last us a couple of days
We'll try to disguise him, so she won't recognise him
But how will I feel when she says
Mummy I don't like my meat
Hush child, don't talk while you're eating
But something inside her's repeating
Mummy I don't like my meat
Oh Mummy, Mummy, Mummy
Mummy I don't like my meat
She'll never know why I pray
Yet something is making her say it
Mummy I don't like my meat
(To background singing of "Mummy, mummy, mummy. Mummy, mummy, mummy" etc)
[spoken:] "Mummy, there's something stuck in my throat. Mummy, it's a collar! Mummy, where's Bonzo?" "Hush child, Bonzo is in the oven … IN HEAVEN!!" "Mummy! Mummy, I haven't seen Tiddles around. And Mummy, where's Colin the tortoise? And Mummy, WHERE'S DADDY?!"
The Goodies take on the roles of a desperately poor family, with Bill as the father who hasn't worked for two years due to his rheumatic leg, Graeme as his sad old wife and Tim as the baby daughter, who is crying because she is hungry. The family also has a poodle, a cat and a budgie - three more hungry mouths to feed - but dear old Dad soon hits upon the bright idea of sacrificing the pets to feed the rest of the family, albeit with some pangs of guilt (to offset the pangs of hunger) as he croons "Lord please forgive what I'm doing!" while trying to pass the budgie off as chicken!
However his best laid plans go somewhat awry, as his baby daughter not only protests that she doesn't like her meat, but also asks where the budgie is and wonders why the pile of feathers stuck together in the birdcage doesn't sing anymore! Dad then plans to curry the poodle to keep them going a bit longer, but while he'll try to disguise it to avert recognition, his best Knackered Chef impressions count for nought as his little fusspot keeps saying (with some justification) "Mummy I don't like my meat".
If all of that isn't sickening enough, the daughter then finds a collar stuck in her throat and asks where her pet dog is, only to get the reassuring reply from Dad of "Hush child, Bonzo is in the oven ... IN HEAVEN!!", then notices that the cat and the tortoise have also mysteriously gone AWOL (ate with our lunch) - "And Mummy ... WHERE'S DADDY??!!" Erk, suddenly I don't feel at all well for some strange reason!
WHY?
The song originated as Bill's brainwave for winning the talent quest on the Maxie Grease Show in "Superstar", with the contestants being judged by their ability to "make Granny cry" inside the Granny-O-Meter. However instead of the song being a tear jerker, it ended up being a real stomach jerker for Graeme, Tim and most of the audience of old crones, who were revolted by the whole idea. Bill remained true to his gut feeling though, later boiling up a bunny rabbit on the Rabid Frost Show which set off an animal-led uprising, and even Graeme offered up tasty treats like hamsterburgers and gerbil dumplings at his Rumbling Tum Restaurant in the very final episode of The Goodies. If only Bill had just stuck with his brilliant idea of cooking up the furniture to avoid imminent starvation in "The End" episode though, rather than giving our local takeaway shops any bright ideas. Hot dogs, cat-seroles and rat-atouille are definitely off my menu until after the next music review now!
HOW!
Using the patented Black Pudding Ratings System:
MUSIC: II Fair-y Punkmother
SINGING/LYRICS: III Goody Goody Yum Yum
HUMOUR: III 1/2 Amazingly Goodie
ALL TOGETHER NOW: III Goody Goody Yum Yum
THE BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM
IIIII - Superstar.
IIII - Officially amazing.
III - Goody goody yum yum.
II - Fair-y punkmother.
I - Tripe on t' pikelets.
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