The Official Goodies Rule - OK! Fan Club Website

THE GOODIES CLARION AND GLOBE

THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK' FAN CLUB

Issue No. 28 12th March 1998

1. BOFFO IDEAS - Club happenings and ideas.

2. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.

3. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY #2 - by Brett Allender.

4. GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW - by Brett Allender and Alison Bean.

5. GOODIES TRIVIA QUIZ - More brain teasers from David McAnally.

You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. Mail carrot@auslink.net with your comments, ideas or suggestions.

There has been a lot of interest in the t-shirt proposal this month. There have been a lot of positive comments about the prices suggested last month, but the design is still a contentious issue. Here are some new suggestions:

from Michael Shaw, elephino@dial1.net:

The t-shirt design, while being a good idea is actually pretty boring to look at. That and yellow is not my colour. A suggestion, ignoring the colour of the t-shirt: The Goodies logo on the front and "Anything" above and "Anytime" below a picture of Kitten Kong or something along the same lines.

from Miranda Hill, hillfitz@melbpc.org.au:

I really, *really* like the bubble writing and the picture of the trandem. I think it has more character. Either slogan for the back, they are rather similar.

from Craig Whitchurch, cwhitchu@tassie.net.au:

I don't like the proposed design. I think a photograph of the Goodies on the trandem would be better.

from Chris Hunter, chunter@powerup.com.au:

I think that a combination of the two designs would be best. I like the arched THE GOODIES with the trandem on the front with ANYTHING ANYTIME on the back, all on the yellow shirt with purple trim. If it were to be this combination, I'd definitely buy one.

The design of the plain THE GOODIES on the front and ANYTHING ANYTIME on the back of the yellow shirt is too plain and I think the trandem design should be put on the front.

If there are enough people wanting different designs, maybe choosing two designs would be a good idea. It would depend on whether or not there is enough people committing enough money to make producing two shirts viable. If there isn't, then a vote to choose one type would be the best idea.

To solve all this, I suggest that anyone with a t-shirt design proposal e-mail me with the details by Sunday 29th March. I will send out a list of proposed designs to everyone and ask that everyone vote for their favourite design. We'll then look into the cost of having the top two designs made.

Everyone is invited to an IRC meeting on Sunday 5th April at 6pm (Australian Eastern Time) on #goodies on the server "firstlink.nsw.au.austnet.org". I'll send out an agenda several days before the meeting, but the topics for discussion will include t-shirts, Goodies Convention 2000 and the re-screening campaign. Afterwards there will be a general chat session.

Many thanks to Darryl Anderson, dazza@4kz.com.au who came up with a great idea: 'I realised that all us members, have no way of telling people that we are members of The Goodies Rule - OK! or none that I know of at least. Anyway, I figured that members with homepages should have something to proudly say that we are members and also to link back to the Club's page so people can join. So I came up with two funky little graphics.'

You can download them soon from http://auslink.net/~abeanaaa/graphics.htm , where you also find the html code which will enable you to link to our pages with the graphic.

RE-SCREENING CAMPAIGN IN THE US

by Albert Kelley, kwestlaw@conch.net

For those of us stuck here in the U.S., perhaps a letter campaign to Comedy Central will give a reprise of The Goodies in the America's?

More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen a Goodie recently, e-mail carrot@auslink.net with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! The Goodies this month:

IF I RULED THE WORLD WITH GRAEME …AND TIM

by David Balston, david.balston@virgin.net

'If I Ruled the World' with Graeme Garden, Jeremy Hardy and Clive Anderson has to begun a six week run on BBC2 on Friday nights at 10.00pm until 3rd April. It is repeated on Sundays at 9pm. The show is very topical as the show is taped two days before transmission.

The Radio Times (http://www.radiotimes.beeb.com/ ) described the show thus: 'Hosted by Clive Anderson and boasting Graeme Garden and Jeremy Hardy as team captains, it is a comedy quiz show that "tests the ability of the guests to bribe the voters and stitch up their colleagues". What that seems to mean is the teams have to behave like politicians: rounds involve fending off questions without ever answering yes or no, or turning a shopping list into rousing rhetoric.'

The first edition (broadcast 27th February 1998) featured Maria McErlane (Carnal Knowledge and Eurotrash) on Graeme's team and the original team captain from the pilot show Tony Hawks (now host of 'The Best Show In the

World...Probably') joined Jeremy Hardy. Show 2 (transmitted on 6th March 1998) was to have featured Pauline McLynn (Mrs Doyle from 'Father Ted') but after the shocking death of 'Father Ted' star Dermot Morgan (on Saturday 28th February), comedian Rebecca Front stepped in. The other guest was Fred MacAuley, who was also in the pilot of 'If I Ruled The World'.

Show three (13th March) will feature Tim Brooke-Taylor, though whose team he is joining is unclear. Anyone who regularly listens to 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue' will know the hilarity generated when Graeme and Tim get together and I'm sure this is why Tim is to be the special guest politician, I just can't wait for this one.

GRAEME GARDEN: QUESTIONNAIRE

by David Balston, david.balston@virgin.net, Andy Williamson, andywilliamson@cableinet.co.uk and Steve Day, steveday@clara.net.

Yet again the Radio Times has come up trumps and has given us a Graeme Garden questionnaire:

"Two decades on from earning a living dressing as a rabbit in The Goodies, the star of BBC2's political panel game yearns for the more peaceful world of Antiques Roadshow.

WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN ENJOYING RECENTLY ON TV?

I was delighted to see Goodness Gracious Me (BBC2's Asian comedy sketch series), it's high time that wonderful sense of humour was properly exposed on TV.

WHAT IS YOUR FIRST MEMORY OF TV OR RADIO?

My dad actually built our first TV and I was very impressed with this huge wardrobe with a tiny little hole in it. The first thing I saw was Tommy Cooper, upside down.

WHOSE TV JOB WOULD YOU LIKE?

It's a toss-up between Hugh Scully on Antiques Roadshow and Richard Whitely on Countdown. On balance I would go for Hugh Scully because he gets out more.

WHO ON TV DO YOU FIND SEXY?

Newsreader Zeinab Badawi is very nice.

IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING YOU'VE DONE IN YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

I should think the answer to the last question.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE RADIO PROGRAMME?

I'm listening to an awful lot of Radio 4 while I'm pretending to work, as background. I rarely miss Woman's Hour. Jenni Murray has the most wonderful radio voice.

WHICH ACTOR WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY YOU IN A FILM?

Margaret Rutherford. At least it'll give people good reason to say, "No, it's nothing like him."

WHO WOULD YOU VOTE FOR AS THE FIRST PRESIDENT OF EARTH?

Any of my children. I think they'd see me right.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WEREN'T ON TV?

I started out as a doctor but I'm not sure I'd have ended up as a doctor, or at least a very happy doctor. Perhaps I would have gone into research.

WHAT WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO CHANGE ABOUT YOURSELF?

Nothing really. Anything that you can change has a chaos theory knock-on effect. I might wish I had more hair, but then it might look like Don King's.

WHAT'S THE MOST LUDICROUS PIECE OF GOSSIP YOU'VE READ ABOUT YOURSELF?

Hang on, I'll find the book...it's from the Guinness Book of Classic British TV: "John Peel had given one of the Goodies' singles a slagging in a music magazine. He was beaten up by the group in the Marquee club in London. Peel commented dryly that he wouldn't have minded if it had been someone fashionable."

WHAT IS YOUR ALL-TIME FAVOURITE TV PROGRAMME?

The one I found pretty much unmissable was The Morecombe and Wise Show. They tend to be a bit disappointing as we've moved into so many new areas of comedy. But they're still very endearing - they pass the silly-grin test.

WHAT WORRIES YOU MOST ABOUT THE FUTURE?

Bill Gates. Computers are running my life. I have to use one. I have to use one, but it sits there with a smirk on it's face, knowing that I don't really know how to use it. Gradually my resentment builds up.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE MEMORY OF THE GOODIES?

I enjoyed it very much being part of the team - not us three but everybody. That made up for standing in the middle of a field dressed as a rabbit, in the rain and freezing cold, having a discussion about whether you walked in from the right or left.

WHICH POLITICIAN DO YOU MOST ADMIRE?

I find it impossible to accommodate the words "politician" and "admire" in the same sentence. The one who amuses me most, and who I quite like, is John Prescott. He's very difficult to understand but at least he's got fire in his belly.

GRAEME ON LOOSE ENDS

by Steve Day, steveday@clara.net

Graeme Garden was on Loose Ends 14th February. He was publicising the very funny "If I Ruled The World". In response to 'No one wants a third world war' Graeme said: 'I couldn't disagree more. If we're going to have a war, then the third world is the best place to have it!'. Also: 'We stopped doing The Goodies by choice. Just not ours'. Quite funny...

TV ZONE'S TOP 100 CULT TV MOMENTS

by David Balston, david.balston@virgin,net

To celebrate their 100th issue, TV Zone have drawn up a list of the top 100 cult TV moments. One of those moments was from The Goodies - '1976*: Kitten Kong playfully knocks over the Post Office Tower, as it was known then.' It was accompanied by a photo of the event. Brief but not bad for a mag which doesn't usually include comedy.

(* Editor's Note: 1976? Kitten Kong was made in 1971, then remade in 1972.)

by Keith Topping, keith@tooon.demon.co.uk

One of the German satellite channels available in the UK (Sat 1) featured a Marty night about a month or two back (around Christmas), showing three full episodes in English with German subtitles. Marty, starring Marty Feldman was a series from the late 60s featuring Tim Brooke-Taylor in the supporting cast.

by Stuart Beaton, rastous@auslink.net

Spotted: Tim Brooke Taylor's golden voice as Barney, a talking dog! This charming little cartoon also features the voice of Harry Enfield as a rat ...but then, what else is new? You can catch the adventures of Barney on Foxtel's NickJr channel, at 9.55am, weekdays.

CRICKLEWOOD PARK

by Patte Rudik, vwra@interlog.com

During my long (2 hours each way!) journey to and from work, I happened to look out the window of the second bus of the journey, and I saw a sign in a little park. It read "Cricklewood Park".

Cricklewood Park is on the east side of Yonge Street (the longest street in the world), just on the northern edge of the village of Thornhill, which is north of Toronto and civilisation as we know it. So if you're in Canada, you can get a compass, a biscuit ration, and a bus pass, and make a little pilgrimage. Who knows? You may even meet a fairy godmother or some pantomime huntsmen!

I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE SOUND FILES

by Mark Longmuir, longmuir@labyrinth.net.au

I've been listening to some ISIHAC sound files and wishing that it was broadcast here. The sounds are at http://www.crosswinds.net/st-louis/~shywolf/isihac-m.htm

GOODIES NEWSGROUP

by Todd, toddmc@cyberalink.com.au

A Goodies newsgroup was created recently: alt.tv.the-goodies. Unfortunately, it seems to be a rather minor newsgroup that is not carried by a lot of news servers. Still its better than nothing...

CULT TV INTERVIEWS THE GOODIES

by Keith Topping, keith@tooon.demon.co.uk

Cult TV magazine recently did an interview with Bill, Tim and Graeme (all in one room at one time!) which should be out in an issue shortly. More details when I get them.

3. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY no 2

For those of you unacquainted with Goodies-L, Brett Allender, bretta@comcirc.com.au had been regularly posting to the list, summaries and reviews of each Goodies episode. And we thought they were so good that we decided to publish one each month, for the 75 months. Here's this month's:

(Episode 2, Series 1)

First transmitted 15th November 1970

The alarm clock signals the start of a new working day and sets off a remarkable automated sequence which sees Graeme prepare and eat breakfast, shave, get dressed and make his bed while he hardly moves a muscle (and in complete silence after the Radio Times is swiftly and mercifully destroyed by an automatic hammer). Tim can only stare at this spectacle in half-awake disbelief, while Bill never sleeps because he has been scared of sleepwalking since he fell out a window into a basement when he was a kid (hence, as Graeme notes, his stunted physique!)

Their early morning slumber is interrupted by Rupert Wincheater, a marketing executive who wants them to boost sales of a bedtime drink called Venom, which could earn fifty million for his company (and ten quid for the Goodies!). He admires their positive thinking and also thinks that they can do the job okay (as he continually repeats "ok, ok, ok.....!!"). The Goodies consider several name changes for the product including Epilogue ("sleepy, late night, soporific!") and Sleepy Bo-Boes, before they settle on the name of Snooze.

Snooze starts to sell better, but Graeme decides to kick sales along and invents New Improved Snooze, which is supposed to "knock you out like a light". Insomniac Bill is the guinea pig and when it works well and sends him sleepy bo-boes, Rupert floods the country with New Improved Snooze. One slight problem is that it knocks out the company's entire board of directors and most of Britain as well. Graeme feverishly sets to work on an antidote, but Bill wanders off on a mighty sleepwalk along a window ledge, onto the roof of a double decker bus, along a scaffold, underwater across a river, after bikini-clad girls and across an exploding minefield, with Tim in hot pursuit

Graeme finally creates an antidote, but puts himself to sleep before he can test it and also goes sleepwalking. Tim eventually catches up with both of them and uses them to push his car when it doesn't start. They find that the entire country has nodded off, so they attempt to put the antidote in the water supply. An ill-timed sneeze from Bill sends the whole barrel of antidote into the drink instead of just a teaspoonful, which has the opposite effect to Snooze - everyone moves up to one hundred times quicker.

The Goodies tune into the BBC News to see the newsreader talk faster and faster after each sip of water until he sounds like one of the 'Chipmunks', all sorts of sporting records are being smashed and in Tim's words: "The whole country's gone completely loony!". Rupert bursts into their office and complains that the government has taken all of his Snooze as an antidote for the antidote, then pulls a gun and yells "I'm ruined! And now ... I'm going to ruin you!". The Goodies each take a swig of the original antidote and race off up the road at top speed.

* Graeme (suggesting a new name for Venom): "Sleepy bo-boes. Then whenever anybody says "I'm going to sleepy bo-boes...""

Bill: "Nobody ever says "I'm going to sleepy bo-boes!!""

Graeme: "I do!" Bill: "What?!"

Graeme: Every night, as soon as I brush my toothy-pegs and put on my piggy-jim-jams, I say "I'm going to sleepy bo-boes". Everybody does!"

* Bill: "I've done a jingle!" Graeme: "There's a good boy!"

* Graeme's entire automated 'early morning, rise and shine' routine, including drinking tea from his hot water bottle, cooking an egg attached to a fishing line, grabbing salt and pepper shakers from the chandelier and putting his suit on in one motion like a pair of overalls before tipping his bed up to reveal a doorway to the bathroom.

* Bill's epic sleepwalk, particularly the scenes where he gets on and off the roof of the double decker bus and his trek across the minefield with mines detonating all around him.

* Graeme taking a huge swig of New Improved Snooze and then collapsing asleep on the floor before he can reach the antidote he is trying to test.

Roddy Maude-Roxby, Corbet Woodall

Show Me The Way, Needed

Snooze, Snooze For Dogs

An early taste of the sort of comedy which made their mid-70's series so great - an abstract plot with some brilliant stunts and visual effects backed up by some good verbal humour. A little surprising that Max Bygraves didn't score a mention, given their lampooning of his sleep-inducing capabilities in later episodes!

IIII Officially amazing

BLACK PUDDING RATING SYSTEM

IIII Officially amazing

III Goody goody yum yum

II Fair-y punkmother

I Tripe on t' pikelets

4. GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW

Hi there pop pickers and welcome to this month's music review.

The Goodies (who else!) with "ROCK WITH A POLICEMAN" as reviewed by your delirious DJs Tony Whitefreeze (AKA Brett Allender) and Caroline Kooky (AKA Alison Bean).

On "Yum Yum - The Very Best Of The Goodies" CD released in 1997 and their '70's albums "The New Goodies LP" and "The Goodies Greatest Hits".

Tony: You're rocking away, answer your doorbell, and find a big policeman wanting to have a dance with you. Like radical man; doin' the blue beat boogie with the flat feet fuzz. "Rock with a policeman, rock rock. I wanna roll with a policeman..."Certainly not!" Ooooh!" Just don't step on his blue suede boots and you can be rockin' to the rhythm of the boys in blue the whole night through. "Call for the army, call for the police....we are the police!... d'oh...get me, I'm disturbing the peace, WOOOW!" However you'll have to kindly accompany him to the flip side at the finish!

Caroline: …which sounds like a jolly good idea to me. You just try and stop me from accompanying this guy to the policeman's ball. I confess I've fallen in love with his genuflecting gestures and his big white gloves and as for shouting when he pulled his truncheon out, you bet it I did!

Tony: Well it seems to me that Rock With A Policeman is a continuation of their lampooning of authority figures such as police by portraying them as stupid buffoons who in this case like to dance the blue beat boogie door to door. Hmm then again, that's a load of old cobblers! Anyway it's one of their grooviest musical and lyrical efforts, especially the instrumental break with the police whistles and the shouts of "oi, oi oi!" The boys in blue can call me anytime... for a dance, that is!

Caroline: Indeed, I was bopping away to this for ages. I'm addicted to the touching tale of one policeman's search for a place where he can dance - his way. This is certainly one to fire up the old blue-light disco with its 50s style rock n roll roots firmly planted in a rich soil of pre-disco 70s rock. You'll love the wild and crazy piano and brass, the later particularly. We're talking better brass than Copperart here. And the especially great thing about this song is that if you pump it up loud enough to disturb the peace, the police won't mind. Play it loud and shake it all about man, yeah!

Using the Black Pudding Ratings System

MUSIC: Tony: IIIII Superstar; Caroline: IIIII Superstar.

SINGING: Tony: IIIII Superstar; Caroline: IIIII Superstar.

HUMOUR: Tony: IIII Officially Amazing; Caroline: III Goody Goody Yum Yum.

ALL TOGETHER NOW: Tony: IIIII Superstar; Caroline: IIIII Superstar.

* Next month Tony Whitefreeze and Caroline Kooky will be reviewing TAKING MY OYSTER FOR WALKIES. If you have a copy of this song, you are invited to contribute to the music review section under your own silly, Goodies related pseudonym. *

5. GOODIES TRIVIA QUIZ

by quizmaster David McAnally dsm@maths.uq.edu.au

1. When the Goodies were outfitted, by their quick-change wardrobe, for their trek to search for Hazel's father, Professor Nuts, what clothing did the wardrobe supply Hazel with for the journey?

2. In "Lighthouse Keeping Loonies", all the Goodies became ill from a disease which had been prophesied in a song. What was it?

3. What was unusual about the passengers on the train in "Daylight Robbery of the Orient Express"?

4. What was the name of Graeme's robot in U-Friend or UFO?

ANSWERS TO LAST MONTH'S QUESTIONS

1. To stop the Orinoco Tribe from killing him, what did Graeme pretend to do with Tim and Bill?

A: He pretended to make soup out of them. However, he told the Tribe that you had to take away the 'meat' first before serving it for eating. In this way, all three Goodies made good their escape.

2. When the Goodies reached Camelot, why were they astounded?

A: 'Camelot' turned out to be a real castle

3. What was stolen in "Daylight Robbery of the Orient Express" and who was responsible for stealing it?

A: The train - which was stolen by three Fake Goodies.

4. What final indignity did the 'Beans Means Heanz' boy suffer - and by whose hand was the insult inflicted?

A: The "Beanz Meanz Heanz" boy suffered the indignity of having a plate of baked beans pushed into his face - by none other than Tim, himself.

CORRECTION OF LAST MONTH'S CORRECTION OF THE MONTH BEFORE THAT'S CORRECTION TO THE MONTH BEFORE THAT'S ANSWERS FROM LAST MONTH

Finally someone with a working video (as opposed to me) sat down and working this one out. According to Nick McCarthy, mcarthyn@ocean.com.au, 'The badges for World Domination (in the episode Scoutrageous) were in fact awarded to Alexander The Great, Julius Caesar and David Frost (but Frostie pinched his). There was no mention of Hitler, Genghis Khan or Napoleon!' Phew, that's sorted.

That's it for this month. See you at the IRC meeting!

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This is an archive newsletter of The Goodies Rule - OK! International Fan Club (copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 1998). Some of the information in this newsletter may now be incorrect. Current information can be obtained from http://www.goodiesruleok.com

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