Index
» #44 Aug 1999
THE GOODIES CLARION AND GLOBE
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THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK' FAN CLUB
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Issue No. 44 12th August 1999
CLUB WEBSITE
POSTAL ADDRESS
'The Goodies Rule - OK!'
P.O. Box 325
Chadstone VIC 3148, AUSTRALIA
THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G
EDITOR
- Alison Bean
DEPUTY EDITOR
- Brett Allender
ACE REPORTERS
- David Balston
- Catherine Sumnall
FEATURE ARTICLE
- Jonathan Sloman
CROSSWORD COMPILER
- David McAnally
CONTRIBUTOR
- Daniel Bowen
OUR HUGE THANKS TO
- Tim Brooke-Taylor and Justine at Foxtel's UK TV
CONTENTS
1. BOFFO IDEAS - Club happenings and ideas.
2. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.
3. PIRATE POST OFFICE - Your questions and opinions.
4. FEATURE ARTICLE - The Greatest Stories Ever Told!
5. GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW - Working The Line.
6. THE END - Ornithologist's Film Club.
SUPPLEMENT.
SPECIAL SUPER DUPER GOODIES CROSSWORD.
1. BOFFO IDEAS
You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail carrot@oztek.net.au with your comments, ideas or suggestions.
KITTEN KON UPDATE
The convention committee is pleased to announce that last week we received confirmation from Tim Brooke-Taylor and Graeme Garden that they are keen to attend the club's Goodies convention, subject to work commitments. Bill Oddie also got in touch with us, but he will be unable to attend as he is filming a birding series when the convention is to be held. The convention will be held from 21st-23rd April 2000 (the Easter long weekend) in Melbourne, Australia.
We are currently organising a venue and setting ticket prices and hope to announce these in September. Until then any enquiries regarding the convention should be directed to the club's Projects Officer, Tracey Baird <tra4ce@bigpond.com>.
VIRTUAL AUCTION
Speaking of Kitten Kon, the virtual auction has raised another $100 towards the fund, with the set of video covers autographed by Tim Brooke-Taylor and Graeme Garden going to the highest bidder, Stephen.
ADELAIDE VIDEO NIGHT
The Adelaide video night held on the 30th July was again well attended with pizza-munching Goodies fans enjoying lots of Goodies episodes into the small hours. Another video night will be held in Adelaide in a couple of months.
2. SPOTTED!!!
More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen a Goodie recently, e-mail carrot@oztek.net.au with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! The Goodies this month:
BIRDMAN BILL - OUT OF THE WILDERNESS AND INTO THE C&G!
Regular C&G contributor Catherine Sumnall, not content with seeing Bill Oddie in his stage show "Follow That Bird", sent the bearded wonder a few questions and here's how he answered them:
GIBBONS, TERRAPINS, TEAPOTS, ETC. DARE WE ASK WHAT YOUR INSPIRATION WAS?
God knows I wish I had a rational explanation. To be (mildly) pretentious I think it comes from "pure radio" - the sound of silly words. Repeated enough any of them sound daft and get a laugh - eventually.
DO YOU HAVE A FAVOURITE GOODIES EPISODE? IF SO, WHAT?
I always enjoyed the ones where there was no film - run out of money usually - so we had to act - what a challenge! I seem to remember one called "The End" where we got concreted in the office till we finally died - good funny conclusion death! Heyho.
HOW DID YOU GET THE OPPORTUNITY TO PRESENT BIRDWATCHING PROGRAMS? DO YOU REGRET THAT YOU ARE NOW INFAMOUS FOR THAT RATHER THAN ANYTHING ELSE?
My ornithological bent (oops missus) goes back to childhood. So I've simply been lucky enough to make my hobby into a job. It's great. "Bird people" are much nicer than showbiz people - but then who isn't?!
WHAT WAS YOUR MOST SATISFYING PROFESSIONAL MOMENT?
I think being in the top five "rock groups" and myself top five "song writers" in - I think - 1976 was rather satisfying, since we didn't take any of it seriously. Used to feel sorry for those who did! Oh yes - and the "groupies" of course!
WHAT'S ALL THIS BBC CONSPIRACY THEORY ABOUT?
Two things you should know - a) it's a conspiracy but b) it's only a theory...
I'M SORRY I'LL READ THAT AGAIN IS A SHOW OF HUGELY ENDUING POPULARITY. BBC ENTERTAINMENT RECENTLY INFORMED US THAT "...THERE MAY BE SOMETHING IN THE PIPELINE CONCERING ISIRTA, UNFORTUNATELY AT TOO EARLY A STAGE TO GIVE ANYTHING AWAY YET". CAN YOU ENLIGHTEN US?
Really? News to me. If it involves a "reunion" forget it! No way those people would survive together for more than five minutes! Plus no doubt if it involves us being paid - it won't happen.
PRESUMABLY YOU ARE NO LONGER BOUND BY THE SECRECY PACT CONCERNING MORNINGTON CRESCENT. I IMPLORE YOU WHAT ARE THE DAMNED AND ELUSIVE RULES?
I was not in "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" - well I did one or two series very early on - but pre MC so I don't know. ** I do know there is no secret or rules - T & G told me.
HAVE YOU EVER ACTUALLY HEARD OF CLARION AND GLOBE, AND DO YOU CARE ABOUT THE CAMPAIGN WE TIRELESSLY RUN? ARE YOU WISHING YOU HAD NOT READ THIS NOW? (YES OR YES?)
No but Yes. No, not really - otherwise I wouldn't have bothered to fill in the spaces... Mind you I AM just wasting time before a birdy lecture in Lichfield - still 20 minutes to go...
GOODIES SPECIALS BACK ON FOXTEL'S UK TV
Many thanks to Justine at Foxtel for letting us know that the UK TV channel will be screening four Goodies specials in September. These are:
September 6 at 11pm - The Goodies And The Beanstalk
September 7 at 11pm - Goodies Rule - OK?
September 8 at 11pm - Superstar
September 9 at 11pm - Montreux Show
(AKA Kitten Kong)
I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE - A NEW SERIES
by David Balston
The fab Radio 4 series starring Tim Brooke-Taylor, Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden, Humphrey Lyttelton and guests, with Colin Sell at the piano, is coming back.
Recordings for the new series will take place at:
The Grand Opera House
Cumberland Street
York
on Thursday 30th September 1999
at 7.30pm
phone 01904 671818 to book
And...
The Milton Keynes Theatre
Milton Keynes
on Sunday 17th October 1999
at 7.30pm
phone 01908 606090 to book
Two shows episodes will be at each recording.
I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE - NEW BOOKS
Tim Brooke-Taylor very kindly informs us here at the C&G that the ISIHAC team are producing a new book called "The Almost Totally Complete I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue". Tim says 'it will contain nearly all the jokes that we've done over the years.' "The Almost Totally Complete ISIHAC" will be released on 1st October 1999 and can be pre-ordered through the club's Amazon.co.uk outlet at http://thegoodies.oztek.com.au/amznshop.html or
The Mornington Crescent book, will not be available next month as reported in C&G#43. It will be released, appropriately enough, on April Fools Day next year and will be called "The Little Book Of Mornington Crescent". It is based on "The Little Book Of Calm". Calm, incidentally, not being an emotion generally associated with making sense of the rules of Mornington Crescent!
MARTYDOM
by Catherine Sumnall
Recently UK Arena have been repeating a selection of episodes from "Marty", which they cite as '...a look at the unique visual comedy of Marty Feldman that inspired a generation.' What it inspired them to do I can only wonder...
Unhelpfully, there is no mention made of the supporting cast - featuring a rather young Tim Brooke-Taylor - so any intrepid spotter is forced to rely on his/her own knowledge and mental capacity (a challenge in itself) to head straight for the program.
Once discovered however, it is a surreal gem, with some priceless moments including Marty's "Dad" explaining the facts of life in exuberant hand-meshing movements to his 31 year old son, Tim, who then reveals he '...got this girl into trouble...', causing a complete role-reversal and more stumblings and stutters over the word 'bed'.
There is a Goodies connection in "Marty", in a sketch that bears a striking resemblance to recruitment for the Salvation Army. Apart from the obvious difference that "It's A Man's Life In The Regular Clergy", which precedes Scoutrageous by about a decade, the two are surprisingly similar: great minds think alike? (I'll conveniently forget the latter part: Fools think the same....)
"A Day in the Life of a Stuntman" is equally amusing: when other men bid farewell to their wives by consecutively stepping out of the door and waving; Feldman naturally bursts through and destroys it completely. Am I alone in thinking that to predict half the stuff and yet still to laugh, is to enjoy it more?
Having said this, it is still a Feldman vehicle and occasionally relies too heavily on his own personal formula, but the series is certainly worthy of the numerous repeats, if only to catch a glimpse of Timbo's early work/influences and stare in disbelief at fledgling writing from a group comprising Terry Jones, Michael Palin, Graham Chapman and John Cleese. Sound familiar?
BARNEY
by Daniel Bowen and David Balston
You can catch the animated show "Barney" featuring the voices of Tim Brooke-Taylor, Harry Enfield, Jan Ravens and Enn Reitel, Wednesday mornings at 8.55am on BBC2. Thankfully this program is not a British version of the nauseating American kids show featuring that annoying purple dinosaur. Nor, sadly, was it made as an act of revenge against the American-voiced version of Teletubbies! It is in fact about an old English sheepdog.
YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS BUT...
by Catherine Sumnall
While flicking through Barry Cryer's autobiography, "You Won't Believe This But...", I happened to notice that Graeme, alongside Humphrey Lyttleton and Colin Sell, had added his opinions on the subject of his ISIHAC comrade.
Naturally I proceeded to read it and found the expected gratuitous wit in abundance even if it was a little more mellow than I expected. The book in itself seemed a decent read, though I would recommend finding a benign bookshop and appearing a floating buyer while you skim the pages.
For the best laughs see Humph's chapter or the photo of Tim with Barry Cryer and Willie Rushton.
GRAEME AND GRIFF
by David Balston
Graeme Garden was a guest on Radio 2's "The Griff Rhys Jones Show" on 3rd July.
WAS BILL LICKIN' HIS FINGERS GOOD?
by Catherine Sumnall
Radio 2 may not seem the obvious place for those who begrudge Bill Oddie his RSPB chairmanship to congregate, however on "It's Been A Bad Week" with Steve Punt and Hugh Dennis I was shocked to discover a rival faction. The show aims to find the person who has had the worst week in the world, as selected by special guest Kevin Day. The story ran that a parakeet named Buzz had lodged it's head in a detergent ball and had suffered some sort of sadistically amusing fate, ie. having its picture taken for the Daily Express.
Day chose this particular instance because of the unfortunate bird's renaming after Buzz Aldrin, that infamous astronaut with a fetish for washing agents and because the RSPB did not press charges: 'I have a bit of a downer on the RSPB, purely because their chairman is Bill Oddie - the same Bill Oddie who once did an advert for Kentucky Fried Chicken.' Can anyone confirm this rare sighting of Bill, that I'm going to have to credit to Kevin Day?
A FEW CLEESE ENCOUNTERS
by Catherine Sumnall
Speaking of a person who may deserve his sides split, a seemingly innocuous biographer who goes by the name of Jonathon Margolis, with an alarming obsession with John Cleese, has a couple of things to say which deserve closer examination. By himself, at least.
I picked up his book from the library thinking 'Ah, this could be useful if I get really stuck for contributions this month. It's bound to have ISIRTA in it.' I was not disappointed, in the beginning at least, as Tim cropped up in the most unlikely of places, giving his thoughts on Cleese in the Footlights and generally being charming and positive. (I must say though, if you are proposing to read it you need to be entirely devoted to Cleese ie. you want to know about his taste in breakfast cereal.) I was therefore a little perturbed when there were some needless comments about not caring for the humour and the series ploughing on. Nevertheless, I overlooked this on the basis that an ability to twist words was not a skill everyone possessed and Margolis was to be pitied for not seeing the beauty of radio comedy.
On turning the page however, I saw this: 'The Footlights generation, which eschewed political satire as fit only for humourless intellectuals was now developing two distinct strands of silliness - the Python form, which still made its audience feel intelligent, and the silly-verging-on-stupid variety, which reached its apogee in The Goodies and appealed to an audience either very young or older, but tending to wear anoraks and smeary spectacles.' Not what I would consider to be accurate/fair/unbiased/particularly nice.
To be fair to the author (please note my tolerance Mr Margolis) he is naturally entitled to his opinion, and I must admit to thinking, in defiance, it is a blessing that he doesn't appreciate The Goodies. I checked the next few pages to make sure I wasn't taking anything out of context (not even I would care to be sued) and proceeded to become more than a little irritated. I vowed to return the book at the next conceivable opportunity, not wholly unreasonable I think. Maybe I'll return to it when I care about either John Cleese's pyjamas or consider the author's perception considered and balanced. If it ever becomes the latter, expel me.
3. PIRATE POST OFFICE
Got a comment, opinion or question about the C&G, the club or The Goodies itself? If so, drop us a line at carrot@oztek.net.au. Your contribution may be kept anonymous if preferred, however fans of ISIHAC (and particularly Mornington Crescent) are warned that any letters from a 'Mrs Trellis of North Wales' will be duly fed to the sheep (or the hamsters!).
CENSORED!
QUESTION from Daniel Bowen
In "The End" (the concrete block episode) as shown on the ABC, there is a blatant cut in the scene where Tim and Bill are drunk on turps. Straight after the cut you hear a lot of audience laughter.
I always presumed that this was a cut made by the ABC when they originally broadcast the episode in the 70's. The same thing happened with scenes in programmes such as Doctor Who - bits were chopped out by the Film Censorship Board when it had control of what went to air on the ABC.
The same cut versions continued to be shown as repeats right into the 90's, even though the standards on swearing, sex and violence in 'G' time had relaxed, because the ABC never bothered to go back to the source and get fresh copies of the programs.
When the last lot of Goodies repeats were aired at 6pm weekdays, an episode or two that I think had been previous banned outright and never shown before in Australia got to air uncut - one featured a topless woman in a fake ad. I doubt the ABC thought to check it before it went to air!
And when Channel 10 showed them previously, about 10 years ago, they apparently got original versions from the BBC, because other previously cut scenes were shown, such as Tim's confessional scene in "Earthanasia". The occurrences of the word 'bloody', chopped from the ABC versions, were also back. However, Channel 10 of course cut every episode back to about 23 minutes to allow for ads!
Anyway, getting to the point, I recently borrowed the video release of "The End" (because I wanted to see "The Goodies And The Beanstalk", which is rarely shown on TV these days, but which is also on this tape). The video release had the same cut.
So, what was the apparently very funny line that was cut? Was it cut by the BBC when they made the programme, like Eric Idle's 'What a stupid bunt' line in the Travel Agent sketch in Monty Python's Flying Circus?
Does anybody know?
ANSWER by Alison Bean
I can't remember the line off hand, but I can tell you that the British version of the "Goodies And The Beanstalk" video, which contains "The End", is uncut. The Australian release is cut, because ABC video put together the video from the ABC's copy of the episodes, which, as we know, have cuts in them which presumably have forgotten about. I needn't add at this point how irresponsible, annoying, stupid, sacrilegious, petty and cheap it is of ABC to do this, but I will anyway. All I can say is that it sometimes pays to spend large amounts of money importing videos!
4. FEATURE ARTICLE
This month's feature article was sent in by Jonathan Sloman <SlomanJ@dulwich.org.uk>. It is the (auto?)biographies of the Goodies circa 1974 from "The Goodies Annual".
THE GREATEST STORIES EVER TOLD
A SCOTTISH GARDEN
Graeme Garden was born in Aberdeen, Scotland, on February 18th 1943, when the stars were well placed in his favour, that is to say, overhead. This made him an Aquarian, something which has never bothered him unduly, since he has no idea what it means.
He had a typical Scottish upbringing wearing tartan nappies, learning to dance the Highland Fling to the skirl and wail of the haggis, eating roast bagpipes for lunch on Sundays and paddling with his playmate in Loch Ness.
In 1947 the Garden family decided to move house and home to Preston, in Lancashire. It was no easy feat; have you ever tried to pack a house into a packing case? But they made it and Graeme, after he found out their new address, followed them.
He was educated at Repton school, which he left in 1961, not feeling much different. Education wasn't such a painful experience, after all. While at Emmanuel College, Cambridge, where he was studying medicine, he joined the Footlights Society and met up with Tim and Bill. He was never to recover.
He also met and performed with other sillies such as John Cleese, Graham Chapman and Eric Idle, who went on to become famous (and/or notorious) as the cast of "Monty Python's Flying Circus".
One year of that was enough for anyone, so Graeme left to continue his studies at King's College Hospital in London, during which time he started writing and performing for "I'm Sorry, I'll Read That Again", on BBC radio, followed by the TV series "Twice a Fortnight", which also involved Bill.
1968 was a notable year in which Graeme got married, won the Nobel Prize* and appeared in another TV series called "Broaden Your Mind", this time with Tim. He also wrote lots of scripts for the "Doctor In The House", "Doctor At Large" and "Doctor In Charge" series on TV.
In 1970, the year when Brazil won the World Cup in Mexico, when the Conservative party won the general election and when there was a dock strike, there was another momentous happening: "The Goodies" were born. The first successful series was followed by others, one a year in fact, making the show a 'hardy perennial' according to Graeme Garden (Greenfingers to his friends).
Graeme can at present be found somewhere in North London, where he lives with his wife and his daughter, Sally. He lists his hobbies as painting, drawing, reading, fishing, reading about fishing, playing the guitar and banjo, apologising for playing the guitar and banjo, trying not to travel in cars and of course, being a Goodie.
(*Editor's note: no, he didn't.)
BILL THE BIRDMAN
Despite his youthful appearance, Bill Oddie was born on July 7th many years ago in Rochdale, Lancashire. He was a very small baby and still is.*
Until the age of seven he went to school in Rochdale, but he found this inconvenient when he moved to Birmingham, so he changed schools. A couple of years later he became a certified swot by passing the entrance exam to King Edward's Birmingham.
It was there that he began his show business career: first, writing naughty songs to be sung in the back of rugger coaches and second, singing the same naughty songs in the school revue. At Cambridge, where he read English Literature, he sang them yet again.
With Tim and Graeme, plus assorted members of "Monty Python's Flying Circus", he wrote and performed in the 1963 revue "Cambridge Circus", which ran - and sometimes crawled - for nine months in London, before it swam off for a successful tour of New Zealand and America.
By this time Bill had decided to concentrate on writing silly scripts and being silly himself and he found he was very good at it. So good, in fact, that he wrote and sometimes appeared in "That Was The Week That Was", "Twice a Fortnight", "Broaden Your Mind", "I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Clue", "Doctor In The House" and many other TV and radio programmes.
But "The Goodies" are his favourite pastime and Bill is the one who writes all the songs for the programme. He is confidently looking forward to becoming the oldest teenage pop-idol on the scene! There is, however, no rumour that he is Jimmy Osmond in a false beard and tonsils! In fact, he looks on music as more of a hobby than a job... a good thing too! No one would actually PAY him for singing like that, surely?
He is also an avid record collector and has the biggest collection of avids on record.
He spends hours making tapes, playing various instruments; guitar, piano, saxophone, organ, flute, drums, and mouth organ - and he can't play any of them properly!
He often goes out kicking people - on the football field. Despite his tiny size he has always had a sporting bent and in fact he gets more bent each time he plays. Most Saturdays he's down at Stamford Bridge, cheering on Chelsea and most Sundays he tries to play for the "Top Ten Eleven". Looking at him now it is hard to believe he was Rugby Captain at school and was even chosen to play Cricket for Warwickshire schools; actually he didn't, 'cos it rained...
Bill's most time-consuming hobby is ornithology and he spends many weeks each year on remote islands watching, ringing and photographing birds.
Bill is married with two children, Kate and Bonnie and what with that family, all those hobbies and "The Goodies", he's very tired. He's also very silly, in the nicest possible way.
(*Editor's note: No, he isn't.)
AND THEN THERE WERE THREE...
Tim Brooke-Taylor was born very suddenly in Buxton on July 17th 1940, among those dark, satanic hills of Derbyshire. His mother was once a lacrosse international and his illustrious ancestors include a vicar named Pawson, who used to play centre-forward for the England football team of the 1890s.
This sporting background probably explains Tim's passionate love of watching football, especially the nimble-booted players of Derby County; but it does not explain why he is so bad at playing the game himself. Perhaps if he didn't insist of playing with a rugby ball he'd get a little further. And he's always said goalposts should be at least thirty yards apart...
He was educated at Buxton, then at Winchester College. We have no reports of Tim's schooldays - his teachers seem strangely reluctant to talk about him - but we do know that he eventually reached Pembroke College, Cambridge. Much to his surprise and everyone else's for that matter, he passed his economics and law degree there, three years later.
However, much more important than mere scholastics, it was at Cambridge that Tim met up with Graeme and Bill and started writing and doing shows with them. He had taken his first tentative steps towards becoming silly and was never to look back.
In 1963 the revue "Cambridge Circus", which Tim helped to write, went to the West End, so Tim went with it, to keep it company. It also toured New Zealand and went on to New York, accompanied by Tim. While in America, he even appeared on the famed "Ed Sullivan Show"!
1963 saw him safely back in England, where he began to write scripts in between editing a Spike Milligan TV series. He also started to write and appear in the radio show "I'm Sorry, I'll Read That Again", which is now approaching its hundredth edition. Tim is confidently expecting to receive a greetings telegram from the Queen on that auspicious occasion.*
The next year he wrote and starred in "At Last The 1948 Show" with Graham Chapman and John Cleese (now of "Monty Python's Flying Circus") and Marty Feldman. This was followed by "Broaden Your Mind", written with Graeme Garden. "The Goodies" were assembling fast.
When Bill Oddie loomed on the scene, there was only one thing for them to do: form "The Goodies". Where else could all three of them be silly together?
Tim is married and has two sons, Ben and Edward. He likes films, especially those featuring Buster Keaton; roast lamb, especially with onion sauce; and travelling, especially with skiing. Oh and he wouldn't really mind being an international film star. He thinks he could put up with that...
(*Editor's note: He won't get one.)
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Next month's Feature Article:
Andrew Pixley will take a look at the Goodies sketches in "Englebert With The Young Generation". ********************************************
5. GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW
WHO?
It's been a while since the last music review in the C&G, but your dedicated DJ's Eammon Old Gibbon Tickler and Miss I.M.A. Gibbon, stamp specialist have been busily doing their stuff (literally) and persistently packing their primates with polythene, pillow down and parsley to the point where there's not a single un-stuffed gibbon left in the entire country.
Their career options are far from stuffed though, as they are now undertaking the onerous task of accumulating enough blubber to pad out all of the Archers scripts.
Therefore, as this should keep them entertained for a couple of years at least, we'll take a stubborn mule ride out to the wild, wild west of Cornwall to your digging DJ Jammy Breville (AKA Brett Allender) and his review of "WORKING THE LINE" by The Goodies.
WHERE? WHEN?
On the 1997 CD 'Yum Yum - The Very Best Of The Goodies', on the 70's album 'The New Goodies LP' and in episode 5/12 'Bunfight At The OK Tea Rooms'
WHAT?
The lyrics differ slightly between the CD and episode versions, but basically the Goodies are out prospecting for gold in the wild wild west (Cornwall!!) thanks to yet another of Graeme's loony schemes and are finding that all that glitters are Donny Osmond's teeth! The trip is so fruitless that on the third day, Graeme darns his vest and on the ninth day, he disturbs a mole, while Tim has to contend with his pants falling down on the sixth day and getting terribly hot on the twelfth day. On the fourteenth day they try another claim, but by the sixteenth day it is getting tough and by the eighteenth day, they all give up (according to Graeme in a suitably disgusted voice) until the onset of the great cream rush.
The song may not be as humourous or absurd as many of the others in the series, but it has an excellent twangy tune and some of the nicest harmonies of any Goodies song, making it a perfect backing song for the accompanying visual sequences in "Bunfight", like Bill repeatedly clobbering the others with a sledge-hammer by accident, staking his claim by using his sign like a pneumatic drill and panning in the creek for his breakfast of sizzling sausages and bacon!
WHY?
At the end of their very catchy country-style ditty about prospecting for gold, the Goodies have very little to show for it other than a swag of old tins (from an old tin mine) and a chunk of gold ore ("or something else!"); however soon afterwards they strike a rich vein of Cornish cream and turn Penenink into a boom town. Likewise the lyrics of the song itself might be slightly mined of their usual Goodies-style humour, but the plot is soon milked for some dairy punny lines like "Ice cream, you scream and everyone is creaming it off down in Cornwall" and "So if you don't want to be a clot, whip on down there!" to really make ones stomach churn! There's little margarine for error, especially when the clot thickens, but "Yo Gert, if you can't beat 'em, you're butter off joining 'em!" And that's no Bulla!
HOW!
Using the black pudding rating system.
MUSIC: IIII Officially Amazing.
SINGING/LYRICS: IIII Officially Amazing.
HUMOUR: II 1/2 Fair-y Goodymother.
ALL TOGETHER NOW: IIII Officially Amazing.
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UPCOMING REVIEWS
September: Episode Summary #18 - Gender Education.
October: Music Review - "Please Let Us Play"
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6. THE END
With us ending the last few C&G's with birthday poems and other assorted items, it has been a little while since we've signed off with some ISIHAC material - here's a selection from "Ornithologist's film club" - movies suitable for Bill Oddie and other birding bods:
Barry: "The Outlaw Josie Quails"..."9 1/2 Beaks"
Willie: "The Forbidden Gannet"..."All Quiet On The Crested Grebe"
Tim: Dan Quayle in "Cuckoo's Talking"
Barry: Sean Canary in "Licence To Trill"
Graeme: "Back To The Vulture."
Tim: "Waders Of The Lost Ark"
Barry: "The Sound Of Emu-sic"
Tim: Cole Porter's "Anything Goose"
Graeme: "Hudson Hawk" - that was a real turkey!
Tim: "The Last Of The Red Hot Plovers"
Graeme: "Nightjar On Elm Street"..."My Left Coot"...and anything starring Joan Collins. Apparently she's seen a cock-a-too!
And so, to quote that other great ISIHAC gentleman, Humphrey Lyttelton "as the bottom of time falls out of the bin bag of destiny and the unseen charlady of fate Mister Sheens the formica tabletop of eternity..." we notice it's the end of the C&G...until we strike cream and jam and scones (scOnes!).
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DISCLAIMER
This is an archive newsletter of The Goodies Rule - OK! International Fan Club (copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 1999). Some of the information in this newsletter may now be incorrect. Current information can be obtained from http://www.goodiesruleok.com
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SPECIAL SUPER DUPER GOODIES CROSSWORD
SUPPLEMENT.
SPECIAL SUPER DUPER GOODIES CROSSWORD
by David McAnally
WHAT'S ALL THIS THEN?
Every month these C&Gs seem to get bigger and bigger and so, we are proud to present our first ever supplement, featuring one of David McAnally's infamous Goodies crosswords.
Clues correspond to the various rows and columns as listed. Good luck!
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CLUES ACROSS
Row 1
1. The M.P.'s went out to ? in "Gender Education" (4 letters)
2. Tim said that Prince Charles must have learnt the prank at ? in "Beefeaters" (9 letters)
3. Venom's new name really made people sleep. Also the title of the episode. (6 letters)
4. Tim learned to ? on the road in "The Winter Olympics" (3 letters)
5. The Goodies were horrified to ? that they were turning into clowns in "The Clown Virus" (3 letters)
6. Bill had a very unusual Coat-of-? in "Camelot" (4 letters)
Row 2
1. 'Hear ?, hear ?' - in "Camelot" (2 letters)
2. The Goodies only had one ? each in "Factory Farm" (3 letters)
3. The Goodies tried to join the ? dwarfs in "Snow White 2" (5 letters)
4. There was an Atom ? in "2001 and a Bit", and another ? in "Scoutrageous" (4 letters)
Row 3
1. This palace became a cement factory in "Camelot" (10 letters)
2. The workers made a very loud ? in "The New Office" (3 letters)
3. The giant's castle was on the top of an ? in "The Goodies and the Beanstalk" (3 letters)
4. The Goodies grew a giant beanstalk when Graeme planted a special ? in "The Goodies and the Beanstalk" (4 letters)
Row 4
1. The Goodies tried to disguise their ? when they went on dates in "Change of Life" (3 letters)
2. Tim wanted very much to be awarded an ? (3 letters)
3. A Philharmonic ? helped the Goodies to defeat "The Music Lovers" (9 letters)
4. The Goodies committed a 'bank ?' to help the police sergeant to make more arrests so he could be promoted in "Goodies in the Nick" (7 letters)
Row 5
1. Tim was in pain when he hit his gigantic-sized ? in "Bigfoot" (4 letters)
2. The Goodies were put on ? in "Goodies in the Nick" (5 letters)
3. The Goodies spoofed this movie - also part of the title of the episode "Saturday Night ?" (6 letters)
4. The Goodies could not bring themselves to say ? to Hazel Nuts in "The Lost Tribe" (2 letters)
5. Tim wanted to be made ? Earl - and ? O.B.E. in "Royal Command" (2 letters)
6. The Goodies had very unusual ? - a teapot and a cactus plant - in "The Winter Olympics" (4 letters)
Row 6
1. The Goodies ended with ? of different sizes in "Bigfoot" (4 letters)
2. The Goodies wanted to bring some ? into people's lives in "Goodies Rule - OK?" (3 letters)
3. The Goodies' motto 'We ? anything, anytime (2 letters)
4. In some ways, the dodo was a very irritating ? in "Dodonuts" (4 letters)
5. Graeme turned off the ? at the top of Mt. Everest in "The Goodies and the Beanstalk" (4 letters)
Row 7
1. Bill and ? were two of the puppet foes of the Goodies in "Goodies Rule - OK?" (3 letters)
2. The witch used many ? in "That Old Black Magic" (5 letters)
3. Where did the lost tribe come from (7 letters)
4. The Goodies visited the ?'s Outfitters in "Scatty Safari" (3 letters)
5. Tim was not accepted in punk society because his shoes were found to be too nice and ? in "Punky Business" (4 letters)
6. When the Goodies answered an ad for lighthouse keeping, they mistakenly thought it was an ad for ? housekeeping "Lighthouse Keeping Loonies" (5 letters)
Row 8
1. The writing on the wall at the BBC said 'I'm Sorry, I'll ? That Again' in "Chubby Chumps" (4 letters)
2. Tim became a flying ? in "U-Friend or U.F.O.?" (3 letters)
3. The weight which fell on Graeme weighed ? ton in "Change of Life" (3 letters)
4. Tim thought that Olivia Newton-John was a good ? (4 letters)
Row 9
1. One of the Goodies' foes "Goodies Rule - OK?" (7 letters)
2. Bill ? in "Superstar" (7 letters)
3. Bill fed a ? dinner to a squirrel, while the Goodies had to eat dirt in "Factory Farm" (5 letters)
Row 10
1. Tim's comment to Caroline Kook, "I admire your ?" in "Punky Business" (9 letters)
2. This military service built a playground in "Army Games" (4 letters)
3. The Goodies sailed to ? to find "For Those In Peril On The Sea" (3 letters)
4. Black puddings are used as weapons in the Lancastrian martial art of "? Thump" (4 letters)
Row 11
1. The Goodies' bike is a ?~seater (3 letters)
2. Tim was the star attraction at the ? Ball in "Punky Business" (12 letters)
3. The ? movement was outlawed in "Scoutrageous" (6 letters)
Row 12
1. The word 'hay' kept making the Minister for Health ? in "Hospital for Hire" (6 letters)
2. The ? was very thick in "Lighthouse Keeping Loonies" (3 letters)
3. England and Australia played very fast ? cricket in "Snooze" (4 letters)
4. The Goodies scattered grass ? from their trandem in "Pollution" (5 letters)
5. Tim and Bill were ordered into the cooking ? by Graeme in "The Lost Tribe" (3 letters)
6. Bill was upset when Graeme ripped off the head of his ? bear in "War Babies!" (5 letters)
Row 13
1. The Goodies ran a "Pirate ?" station (5 letters)
2. Tim's comment to Graeme 'Why didn't you tell me the ? had turned around!' "Daylight Robbery of the Orient Express" (4 letters)
3. Tim's comment to a violinist 'Fiddler, have you got your ?' "The Goodies - Almost Live" (3 letters)
Row 14
1. The Goodies landed on a beach in ? after crossing the Channel in "The Goodies and the Beanstalk" (6 letters)
2. The Goodies stayed ? Tim's "Factory Farm" (2 letters)
3. Tim's ? was a very large one (4 letters)
4. Graeme hit Bill on the ? with a bar to see if it was made of gold in "The Goodies and the Beanstalk" (4 letters)
5. Bill was tortured on the ? when he refused to sell the castle to the Town Planner in "Camelot". He commented that he 'might stretch a bit, but he wouldn't crack' (4 letters)
Row 15
1. The giant hurt his big ? in "The Goodies and the Beanstalk" (3 letters)
2. The Goodies had to use hard surfaces for these while in the Winter Olympic Training Hut "Winter Olympics" (4 letters)
3. Part of the title of the episode "The ?~age" (5 letters)
4. Dr. Petal resorted to kidnapping when he found the Goodies ? difficult to fool "Nice Person of the Year" (3 letters)
5. The train was stolen in "Daylight Robbery of the ? Express" (6 letters)
6. The surname of Tim's uncle in "Camelot" (4 letters)
Row 16
1. Part of the title of the episode "? Goodies" (4 letters)
2. When the Goodies grew too old, ? took over from them as the Goodies in "Change of Life" (6 letters)
3. Graeme has a powerful ? (4 letters)
4. Tim went to the Trendsetter's Ball ? Punkerella in "Punky Business" (2 letters)
Row 17
1. Bill and Graeme demanded that people give money to them, ? else they would 'do a job' on the person "Scoutrageous" (2 letters)
2. The ? wanted a new pleasant image in "Give ? A Chance" (6 letters)
3. The Goodies rode to the ? on their trandem in "Beefeaters" (5 letters)
4. Tim's uncle promised to make Tim, ? of Northumbria, in "Camelot" (4 letters)
5. To the Goodies' surprise, they found that "Camelot" was a real ? (6 letters)
Row 18
1. The x-ray turned the man into a ? in "Hospital for Hire" (8 letters)
2. The Goodies showed their ability to ? in both "Superstar" and "The Goodies - Almost Live" (4 letters)
3. Tim's words to the Music Master 'We ? the Goodies' (3 letters)
4. ? Goodies, is ? name of our favourite group (3 letters)
5. Graeme had a pet giant-size ? in "Lips or Almighty ?" (3 letters)
Row 19
1. Tim commented that he was a ?~pot in "The End" (3 letters)
1. The Goodies never failed to answer any ? calls for help (3 letters)
2. The Minister for Health always sneezed when he heard the word '?' in "Hospital for Hire" (3 letters)
3. Bill gave the world-shattering news 'Me ? blew off!' in "Cunning Stunts" (3 letters)
4. The Goodies were ? years of age in "Babies War!" (3 letters)
6. The Goodies always helped those people in ? (4 letters)
7. Graeme bought a used Saturn ? from NASA in "Invasion of the Moon Creatures" (6 letters)
Row 20
1. Bill sleep-walked on the roof of a double-decker ? in "Snooze" (3 letters)
2. Graeme sent some rabbits, and later Tim and Bill, to the ? in "The Invasion of the ? Creatures" (4 letters)
3. This puppet friend of Bill and Ben lost her 'head' in "Goodies Rule - OK?" (4 letters)
4. When the Zoo Keeper of the Monster Cage needed a monster, in "The Loch Ness Monster", the Goodies went ? Scotland ? get him one (2 letters)
Row 21
1. Nasty Person was using an ? can to pour ? into the ocean in "For Those In Peril On The Sea" (3 letters)
2. Part of the title of the episode "Kitten ?" (4 letters)
3. There was a ? called Spot in "Camelot" (3 letters)
4. Bill was the Grand Master in "Ecky ?" (5 letters)
5. "Camelot" had its own Dancing ? (4 letters)
CLUES DOWN
Column 1
1. The Goodies ran a "? Radio" Station (6 letters)
2. Black ? knocked on the Goodies' door in "Beefeaters" to deliver the Queen's message (3 letters)
3. Mr. Sparklipegs' office had gigantic models of ? everywhere "Charity Bounce" (5 letters)
4. Bill comment was 'Go away! I saw her first' when he saw the periscope of a ? in "Winter Olympics" (3 letters)
Column 2
1. The Goodies decided to ? to the assistance of the 'damsel in distress' in "Camelot", even though it meant leaving the castle (2 letters)
2. Tim had to ? the driver of the Goodies' racing car in "The Race" (2 letters)
3. Graeme gambled with Tim and Bill for the cream mine and others at the ? Tea Rooms (2 letters)
4. Where Major Cheeseburger came from in "Clown Virus" (2 letters)
Column 3
1. The Goodies dressed as ? in "The Tower of London" (11 letters)
2. Graeme released the Queen's Own Highland ? after Tim and Bill in "The Invasion of the Moon Creatures" (7 letters)
Column 4
1. The Goodies theme includes the words 'We're here to help ?, and ?, and ?, and ?' (3 letters)
2. Graeme thought it would be a good idea to ? Tim and Bill to the moon - after Floppsy and Spiro did not return home in "The Invasion of the Moon Creatures" (4 letters)
3. When the Goodies were at the lighthouse, they saw the ?, the 'Queen Elizabeth', in "Lighthouse Keeping Loonies" (5 letters)
4. The False Goodies entered the ? Boring Competition in "Daylight Robbery of the Orient Express" (2 letters)
Column 5
1. Tim was ? cute at the Trendsetter's Ball in "Punky Business" that he took the 'hand in marriage' of Caroline Kook - while Graeme got the upper half, and Bill got the lower half (2 letters)
2. Greedy Graeme wanted the ? mine for himself in "Bunfight at the OK Tea Rooms" (5 letters)
Column 6
1. Twinkle was a tiny ? which grew to gigantic size on Graeme's tonic in "? Kong" (6 letters)
2. Boadicea was the English ? in "Rome Antics" (5 letters)
3. It was difficult to remain ? the trandem in "Kitten Kong" (2 letters)
Column 7
1. Prince Charles played ? with the balls over the pawn shop "Beefeaters" (4 letters)
Column 8
1. The builders, working on "The New Office" were lazy ? who did not do any work (3 letters)
2. The Goodies were hired to look after Cecily, the ? of the owners of the house (5 letters)
3. Graeme used a one ? weight to get rid of the 'tomato soup' in "Clown Virus" (3 letters)
4. The Goodies decided not to say ? to anyone who would not, or could not, pay them for their work in "The Lost Tribe" (2 letters)
Column 9
1. The ?, who lived in the castle at the top of Mt. Everest, was actually a petite one "The Goodies and the Beanstalk" (5 letters)
Column 10
1. The Goodies found it more difficult to ? than they had thought it would be in "Movies" (3 letters)
2. Graeme sent some ? to the moon, and they in turn tried to invade the Earth in "The Invasion of the Moon Creatures" (7 letters)
Column 11
1. ? is an abbreviated form of 'Elizabeth Regina'. The Queen signed her name, with the letters ?, after her name, Elizabeth, in "Beefeaters" (2 letters)
2. Graeme ? bananas when he was changed into a gibbon in "Black Magic", and Bill ? bananas when he was competing in the competition in "Cunning Stunts" (3 letters)
3. Tim's uncle found it difficult to get ? his horse in "Hunting Pink" (2 letters)
Column 12
1. Part of the title of the episode "Black ?" (5 letters)
2. Part of the title of the episode "The ?" (3 letters)
3. Tim wore a ? in a number of different episodes (5 letters)
Column 13
1. The Goodies were asked to help improve the image of the police, ? the Goodies did what they could in "Give Police A Chance" (2 letters)
Column 14
1. Bill saw an ? when he peeped through the keyhole in "Beefeaters" (3 letters)
2. The Goodies put on an act to be interesting, during the ? in"Wacky Wales" (10 letters)
Column 15
1. Mrs. Carthorse found the Goodies' documentary on gender to be too explicit, ? nobody else was allowed to see it (2 letters)
2. After the echo had been working for some time, Graeme put his hands over his head and said "?" (6 letters)
Column 16
1. Bill became the owner of a ? "Saturday Night Grease" (5 letters)
2. The giant's hens laid some very interesting ? in "The Goodies and the Beanstalk" (4 letters)
3. The Minister for Sport did not mind having to ? the Goodies to represent England in the "Winter Olympics" for free - but the Goodies would have preferred to have been paid. (3 letters)
Column 17
1. The Goodies had ? noses when they became clowns "Clown Virus" (3 letters)
2. Part of the title of the episode "Goodies Rule - ?" (2 letters)
3. The Goodies were able to ? with Tim's uncles (4 letters)
Column 18
1. Mildred Makepeace still said ? to Bill's proposal of marriage, even though he made her father laugh (2 letters)
2. The giant's voice could be heard saying 'Fe, ?, Fo, Fum' in "The Goodies and the Beanstalk" (2 letters)
3. When Tim had a cup of ?, it was so cold it became an iceblock "The Lost Tribe" (3 letters)
4. Tim, as a pepperpot, refused to accept the Crown Jewels, ? a Rolls Royce, in exchange for 'her' Razz washing powder (2 letters)
5. Bill made Tim and Graeme race ? "Black and White Beauty" (2 letters)
Column 19
1. The Goodies decided to ? for Britain to raise money for charity in "Charity Bounce" (6 letters)
2. The change-cupboard dressed Hazel Nuts in a ? when she wanted to go with the Goodies to help look for her father in "The Lost Tribe" (5 letters)
Column 20
1. The beach ?~d sludge in "Pollution" (4 letters)
2. The Minister for Sport refused to take ? for an answer in to his request to the Goodies to represent England in the "Winter Olympics" (2 letters)
3. Tim's comment "They aren't ? lovers" - and name of the episode (3 letters)
4. The Goodies are always kept on the ? with different jobs (2 letters)
Column 21
1. Tim turned the moon into a giant golf ? "Invasion of the Moon Creatures" (6 letters)
2. The "Winter Olympics" were held at the ? Pole (5 letters)
Column 22
1. The Goodies helped to solve the mystery at "The Tower of ?" (6 letters)
2. When the Goodies were poor, it was decided to put their bike up for ? "The Goodies and the Beanstalk" (4 letters)
3. Tim pulled the rings off the fingers of the Queen's ?, when she was waving to him "A Kick in the Arts" (4 letters)
Column 23
1. When the Goodies went to Australia, they saw a hopping .? "Scatty Safari" (3 letters)
2. The Goodies were getting old, ? they refused to allow the robot to take over their work for them "Change of Life" (3 letters)
3. The Goodies faced difficulties when they wanted to ? the Minister of "Pollution" (4 letters)
Column 24
1. Tim made an ? film in "Movies" (4 letters)
2. Twinkle would grow up to be one (3 letters)
Column 25
1. The Goodies had their own ? in "? for Hire" (8 letters)
2. Tim wore a pumpkin with dangling ? in "Punky Business" (4 letters)
Column 26
1. Bill discovered the advantages of ? in "Superstar" (4 letters)
2. The Goodies went to ? in "War Babies" (6 letters)
Column 27
1. Graeme built a ? for the "Pirate Radio" station (9 letters)
2. Tim ran through a mob of ? in "Snooze" (3 letters)
Column 28
1. While Tim and Bill are both English, Graeme is actually a ? (4 letters)
2. The Goodies went to Scotland to bring back the Loch Ness Monster for a ? "The Loch Ness Monster" (3 letters)
Column 29
1. The hunters only shot ? birds and animals "Dodonuts" (4 letters)
2. Bill protected this rare bird from the other two Goodies (4 letters)
3. To try to make themselves look younger, the Goodies ? their hair "Change of Life" (4 letters)
Column 30
1. The Goodies set out to see to find the lost ? of Munga" (6 letters)
2. Graeme and Bill made a lot of misleading ? in "It Might As Well Be String" (3 letters)
Column 31
1. Graeme was changed into a ? in "That Old Black Magic" (6 letters)
Column 32
1. Tim and Bill pretended to be Vestal ? in "That Old Black Magic" (7 letters)
2. Bill pretended to be a nanny, so he could be employed ? the robot's nanny in "Robot" (2 letters)
Column 33
1. Graeme's song - '... or to hear Bing Crosby ? ...' in "The Goodies - Almost Live" (5 letters)
Column 34
1. Tim is a ? in "Alternative Roots" and other Goodies' episodes (4 letters)
2. The Goodies' three-seater bike is a ? (7 letters)
Column 35
1. Bill's name for the Goodies' three-seater bike (9 letters)
Column 36
1. Graeme's song in "Camelot" (4 letters)
Roll up, roll up to Camelot in 1973,
And ? the Middle Ages for only 50p
Column 37
1. The Druid Priest, when acting as judge, called out 'Prisoners at the ?' in "Wacky Wales" (3 letters)
2. In "Camelot", just like ? George would have done, the gallant Goodies fought the dragon to save a damsel in distress, even though it meant they had to leave the castle without anyone in possession (2 letters)
Column 38
1. Both the Summer and Winter ? Games have been held on "The Goodies" (8 letters)
2. The name of Tim's uncle's castle - and also the title of the episode (7 letters)
Column 39
1. Abbreviation for Member of Parliament. An ? played with a ball in "Gender Education" (2 letters)
2. The Goodies pitched a ? when they looked for Hazel's father in "The Lost Tribe" (4 letters)
3. 'It's a fair ?' stated the burglar when he was caught red-handed in "Beefeaters" (3 letters)
Column 40
1. The direction the Goodies' trandem went, when they dressed as giant mice "Kitten Kong" (2 letters)
2. The postman gave a ? at the door, and then ran away before the door could be opened, in "Pirate Radio" (5 letters)
Column 41
1. The Goodies had many ? - one for each of the Goodies "Movies" (4 letters)
2. The ? Rugby Union Team were shown to have an unfair advantage over the other teams "Wacky Wales" when it was discovered that they were actually the Welsh International Rugby Team (5 letters)
Column 42
1. Although it was pointed out that Robin Day was not present at the disco, Robin ? was - in "Saturday Night Grease" (3 letters)
2. Bill had a spinning bow~? when he dressed as Prince Charles in "Royal Command" (3 letters)
Column 43
1. Tim's eccentric uncle was ? King in "Camelot" (6 letters)
2. When Graeme was sleepwalking, he walked through the ? in the fence, which Bill had created when he walked through the fence earlier "Snooze" (3 letters)
Column 44
1. The Goodies used a lamp, tied to a butterfly, to focus the rays of the ? directly onto the ground so they could melt the snow in "Winter Olympics" (3 letters)
2. One of the many round things to which Bill objected in "Lighthouse Keeping Loonies" (4 letters)
3. What Graeme was offered, and what was poured over him after the Druids won the Seven-a-Sides competition "Wacky Wales" (4 letters)
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