The Official Goodies Rule - OK! Fan Club Website

THE GOODIES CLARION AND GLOBE

THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK' FAN CLUB

Issue No. 47 12th November 1999

'The Goodies Rule - OK!'

Chadstone VIC 3148, AUSTRALIA

THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G

- Robert Ross, Stephen Oakes, Brian Labza, Gemma and Pete.

1. BOFFO IDEAS - Club happenings and ideas.

2. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.

3. PIRATE POST OFFICE - Your questions and opinions.

4. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY #19 - Charity Bounce.

5. THE END - Ancient Radio Times.

You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail ALISON BEAN at carrot@oztek.net.au with your comments, ideas or suggestions.

THE GOODIES TURNS 29 AND THE GOODIES RULE - OK! TURNS 4

It was 29 years ago last Monday that the first episode of The Goodies, 'Beefeaters', was aired on BBC2 and it was 4 years ago that this club began. As far as we know there were no celebrations of either event last Monday, perhaps a reflection of the relative insignificance of a 29th or 4th birthday. However, The Goodies' 30th (and our 5th) won't get off so lightly (even if it is 6 months early)...

KITTEN KON THE GOODIES CONVENTION - WHY YOU SHOULD BOOK NOW!!!

Kitten Kon will be the first ever Goodies convention and will be held as a 30th anniversary celebration of the show in Melbourne, Australia over the Easter 2000 long weekend (21st-23rd April). Events at Kitten Kon will include:

* Special guests TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR and GRAEME GARDEN (subject to work commitments).

* Screenings of rare Goodies episodes and other Goodies related footage.

* The Australian launch of Robert Ross' book THE GOODIES GUIDE.

* A charity auction.

But Kitten Kon is also 6 months away, so why should you book now? Here are five good reasons:

1) IF YOU DON'T BOOK NOW, KITTEN KON MAY NOT HAPPEN.

Organising a 2-3 day fan convention with multiple international guests is not exactly cheap, that is why we need your bookings and your money now. This way we know the event will be well attended and we will have the money we need to pay for things that need to be paid for up-front, like guest flights and accommodation, venue hire, etc, etc.

2) YOU WILL SAVE MONEY BY BOOKING NOW.

If you purchase your tickets for Kitten Kon BEFORE 1st December you'll pay only $80. After 1st December ticket prices must rise to $100 and tickets will be even more expensive at the door. You could save up to $50 off the price of your Kitten Kon tickets by booking early.

3) THIS IS A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EVENT.

It is extremely unlikely that an event like Kitten Kon will ever happen in Australia or possibly the world EVER AGAIN. The Goodies is an enormously popular program in Australia, but as it was made on the other side of the world it's not every day that the stars of the show are in Australia - this will probably be your only chance EVER to meet them and ask them those questions you've been dying to ask.

4) IT'LL BE HEAPS OF FUN.

People from all over the world have already booked for Kitten Kon and not only will you be able to make new friends, but you'll be able to enjoy 2 days of continuous programming about The Goodies and the other projects of the Goodies team. We will screen rare episodes of The Goodies and classic other projects like 'At Last! The 1948 Show' and 'If I Ruled The World'. You can hear tapes of 'I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again' and 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue' and if you like them, you can buy them from the dealer's room. There will also be interactive panels, debates, games, a 70s disco and an auction.

5) ALL PROFITS GO TO A GOOD CAUSE.

By attending Kitten Kon you will be helping the Royal Children's Hospital, Melbourne, with the fine work that they do. Remember, it feels good to give.

So, have we convinced you yet? If so, you can book by sending a cheque or money order for $80 (Australian dollars only) to:

The Goodies Rule - OK! (Inc.)

But remember, the special early bird price of $80 is only available before 1st December. If you are booking after 1st December please send $100.

If you have any questions regarding Kitten Kon please e-mail Tracey Baird at tra4ce@bigpond.com and she will answer them ASAP.

If you will have to travel intrastate, interstate or from overseas to attend Kitten Kon feel free to join the discussion regarding group travel and accomodation arrangements at our Bulletin Board - http://thegoodies.oztek.com.au/board/ For further information about the Bulletin Board please e-mail Tim Aslat - zaphod@oztek.net.au

The virtual auction of a set of Goodies video covers signed by Tim Brooke-Taylor and Graeme Garden went extremely well, with Andrew bidding $160. Thanks Andrew, the covers are on their way to you and your money will go towards Kitten Kon.

More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen a Goodie recently, e-mail carrot@oztek.net.au with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! The Goodies this month:

I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE

The new series of 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue' began on BBC Radio 4 on Monday 8th November at 6.30pm and will continue for the next 5 weeks (with repeats on Sunday at 12.04pm, after the Shipping Forecast). And with a new book in the shops, the team of Tim Brooke-Taylor, Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden and Humphrey Lyttelton certainly get around. A bit like our intrepid team of C&G reporters...

ROBERT ROSS was at the recording of the first shows in York, which feature special guests Jeremy Hardy and Sandi Toksvig:

"Heard the first of the new ISIHAC broadcasts tonight. Cool as ever, of course, and even better because I was in the audience for that York recording. It featured a classic round - Dumbing Up for TV Shows - with Tim mentioning long over-due repeats of The Goodies which, as Graeme interjected, were now to be known as The Betters!! Pity they edited out Tim's secondary interjection that the show should be re-christened The Best - but that's the Beeb for you!!"

CATHERINE SUMNALLL (and DAVID BALSTON) travelled to the second recordings in Milton Keynes:

"David and I scuttled to the car-park-city of Milton Keynes from varying directions in order to catch a glimpse of Samantha and Sven and tolerate anything else recordings-wise that occurred alongside them. Though I personally was hoping for Jeremy Hardy, Phil Jupitus excelled himself as the guest plugging the latest ISIHAC offering, 'The Almost Totally Complete I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue' (priced £9.99 from all discerning retailers. It's excellent, and I expect some royalties for admitting that!), while damning his own accompaniment to 'Never Mind The Buzzcocks'.

"The show was introduced by the producer Jon Naismith, whose caustic anti-Birt and Dyke barbs and orders to laugh constantly '...so the listeners realise it's a comedy...' almost won him a place on the panel in my opinion. Despite his gallant attempts as a warm-up act, his Thora Hird punch-line was anticipated by an audience member before he had even begun telling the joke.

Highlights of the first programme included: One Song To The Tune Of Another featuring I Am The Walrus to a slow, high-pitched one, the name of which I can't remember (suggestions welcome); Swanny-kazoo; and an intriguing version of the Generation Game's conveyor belt, that may not transfer perfectly to radio owing to the lack of either a conveyor belt or items to remember. The second attempt boasted: Sound Charades and the teams trying to suppress their laughter with varying degrees of success; Parliamentarian's Songbook; and a fiercely contested battle of Mornington Crescent.

"The recording lasted over two and a half hours in total, allowing extra time for Humph to redo his wonderfully fluffed lines, (while we tried not break into hysteria caused by withdrawal symptoms from the bar) with even the most ardent Trellis-ophile silently pleading for a respite from unrelenting amusement. It's certainly something to listen out for, although reams of material will have to be cut. Probably this will mean farewell to the lipstick - best before 1963, and pudding basin in Anne Widdecombe's handbag!

"Phil Jupitus summed the evening up best at the end, declaring: 'Can I just say, I listened to this show when I was twelve, and this is one of the happiest days of my life'."

DAVID BALSTON also attended the recording of the 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue' millennium show at the Greenwich Theatre, London on 31st October 1999.

"The Greenwich Theatre had been closed for some time and this special recording of ISIHAC was the perfect way of relaunching the theatre, so much so that even a free glass of champagne was given out to all attendees. This is quite a small theatre, certainly much smaller than the over sized Milton Keynes theatre which hosted the previous recording of ISIHAC. Unlike Milton Keynes, you could actually make out the faces of the participants.

"The guest for this performance was Andy Hamilton from the 'Million Pound Radio show' and creator of 'Drop the Dead Donkey'.

"Taking part in this recording was one the finest intellectual minds of our day. Yes, Sooty had been brought to the recording by the producer for a game in the show, sadly the benefit will be lost to the radio listeners as Sooty is a very quiet performer. Also sitting in the same row as me was Professor Heinz Woolf from 'The Great Egg Race' and many other shows, now if I was to tell you why he was there it would spoil the surprise of one of the games for when you hear it.

"Most of the favourite games where played, Cheddar Gorge was a great excuse to plug the new book 'The Almost Totally Complete I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue priced £9.99 at all good book shops including The Goodies Rule - OK! Book Shop. More arguments ensued in a millennium edition of Mornington Crescent which as far as possible tried to replicate the form of the game played at the turn of the last century. The trouble with all these various special versions of MC is that is rather confusing for the players, especially the newcomers who probably haven't played Mornington Crescent since the inter school tournaments of childhood and the occasional 'straight' game of MC would go along way towards making the game more accessible to new players.

"There was also a game involving various sound effects where the panellists would recreate a special location with such objects as a gong and a wind machine which Barry enjoyed playing with at every opportunity.

"The two shows recorded certainly keeps up the fine tradition of the show and best news of all is that Humph mentioned there would be a Christmas special which will definitely be a Christmas highlight."

If you'd like to attend the recording of the Christmas edition of 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue' at the Golders Green Hippodrome, London on December 19th, tickets will be available from November 22nd by calling 0181 576 1227. And if that isn't enough 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue' for you the books and the 5 double cassettes are available from http://thegoodies.oztek.com.au/amznshop.html

THE GOODIES GUIDE

It's about time someone published a commercial book about The Goodies and we're happy to announce that it is (finally) about to happen. Robert Ross, editor of Cor! Magazine, renowned cult comedy author of 'The Carry On Companion' and 'The Monty Python Encyclopaedia' and sometime C&G contributor is the author of 'The Goodies Guide', due out next February through Batsford publishers.

'The Goodies Guide' will feature an in-depth program guide, informed criticism of the show, a complete list of all Goodies books, records, videos and other merchandise and a look at the best (and worst) other projects of the trio. And it is rumoured that certain Goodies were interviewed exclusively for the book, which is reason alone to rush out and buy it come February.

Robert will be one of the special guests at Kitten Kon and will officially launch 'The Goodies Guide' in Australia at the convention.

More details as they come to hand, but rest assured, 'The Goodies Guide' will be the Goodies book for the new millenium!

TOP OF THE POPS 2

by CATHERINE SUMNALL

The BBC forcefully dismissed rumours of 'dumbing down' by unearthing an appearance on Top Of The Pops (TOTP) given by one of the more musically-talented groups of the early seventies. However, they also found 'Funky Gibbon'.

The Goodies were permitted a brief airing on TOTP 2 (i.e. the show that provides a perfect outlet for tapes that had justification for being wiped, without being classed as a repeat. Ingenious.), treating the audience of bemused teens to a live rendition of their biggest hit. Suitable captions were imposed on the picture 'The Goodies were the Babes In The Wood of their day...only the Goodies were funny...remember the one with the giant kitten...', and Bill, Graeme and Tim got through the performance with minimal cringing and rather obvious embarrassment: the invitation of audience participation springs to mind!

Actually, it wasn't a poor offering, though the show then changed somewhat the warm, nostalgic image they had created by the broadcasting a song by Judas Priest with the following caption: '...doesn't the lead singer look a bit like that bloke from the Goodies? [lead singer happens to have longish blonde hair]...Rob from Judas Priest recently "came out" as gay in 1993...'. I think we should be told...

* I recently heard a radio advert for a video of ITV Children's series 'Mopotop's Shop' and it was voiced by Bill Oddie.

* Monday 1st November saw another edition of 'Call My Bluff' with Tim and Graeme and other guests Sue McGregor and Thelma Barlow.

4. PIRATE POST OFFICE

Got a comment, opinion or question about the C&G, the club or The Goodies itself? If so, drop us a line at <carrot@oztek.net.au>. Your contribution may be kept anonymous if preferred, however fans of ISIHAC (and particularly Mornington Crescent) are warned that any letters from a 'Mrs Trellis of North Wales' will be duly fed to the sheep (or the hamsters!).

The first of this month's questions and its answer were originally posted to Goodies-L, but as this question is often asked and some of you are not subscribed to Goodies-L, we felt it was worth re-publishing here. (To subscribe to Goodies-L e-mail <goodies-l-request@oztek.net.au> with the word SUBSCRIBE in the body of the message, if you have any questions about Goodies-L please write to the club's technical officer, Tim Aslat at <zaphod@oztek.net.au>.)

BLACK AND WHITE EPISODES

QUESTION from Stephen Oakes

As for the Goodies on Foxtel...does anyone know why the 'August Bank Holiday Island' episode is in black and white while all the rest in the series are in colour?

ANSWER by Brian Labza

There will be another black and white episode re. ballroom dancing coming soon, so look out for it. These are regular Goodies episodes, originally made in colour for series two. For some reason, the original colour masters were erased at the BBC in the 1970's, so the only surviving prints were black and white film copy prints, with poor picture quality (ballroom dancing episode is worse quality than August ...).

Interestingly, the series one episode re. the abandoned village and army games was originally in this category until the original colour master was restored in transmissible format about ten years ago! If you are sharp eyed, look out for some colour scenes from these episodes in opening credits for series 3 and 4 (look for GG dancing with a red post box in the street)!

Those fans of 1970's Doctor Who will be aware that much the same happened to a large number of originally colour Jon Pertwee stories from this era, which sadly now exist only in black and white. Presumably, the same fate befell 'Caught In The Act', but not even an intact black and white print survives for that one (although remnant parts of colour and black and white prints are rumoured to exist). Compared to Dr Who, I guess we should be grateful that only 3 or so episodes have not survived in colour!!

This lack of colour prints is the most probable reason why the ABC has not shown these episodes recently or why Channel 7 did not show them in 1986 or Channel 10 in 1991 (even though I understand Channel 7 actually had the B/W prints for a time and could have shown them if they wanted to). Those with extra long memories may remember the ABC last showed these black and white prints of these episodes in their 1979 and 1980 runs of The Goodies (before the VCR era!) - at least in Victoria, don't know about interstate. The ABC has only ever run the Army/abandoned village episode, in colour, for the first time in 1993. It was in B/W in 1980 and 'lost' between 1980-1993.

Also look out for the final episode of series two, starring Patrick Troughton, in glorious colour. This has only ever been shown once on Australian TV since 1975, on Channel 10 in 1991 (other than on Foxtel), heavily cut down. ABC showed it only rarely in the early 1970's, along with the Mary Whitehouse sex/n/violence episode (restored to our screens by Channel 7 in 1986 and shown in all runs since then), due to their then adult content. Series three "Superstar" was also very rare for the same reason (last shown on ABC in 1983, censored, never shown on 7 or 10).

P.S. If anyone knows anything more about the murky history of these lost episodes, do let us know! My understanding may be flawed in parts!

GOODIES VIDEOS AND ISIRTA

QUESTIONS from Gemma:

I was wondering if you knew of any other videos available to buy other than the one with the Bunfight at the OK coral? That's the only one I've managed to find in shops and I'd love to know if it's possible to buy any online!!!

I haven't managed to hear 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue' yet - is it very similar to 'I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again' - same cast?

ANSWERS by Alison Bean

There are currently two Goodies video available, 'The Goodies And The Beanstalk' (which contains that episode as well as 'OK Tearooms' and 'The End') and 'Kitten Kong' (which contains that episode, 'Scoutrageous' and 'Scatty Safari'). Australians can find these videos at ABC Shops and all good video retailers (I have seem them recently at various ABC Shops in Adelaide and also HMV in Bourke Street Mall, Melbourne). If you'd prefer to buy online Pete in Queensland informs me that you can buy them from the ABC Shop online at http://shop.abc.net.au / if you have a credit card.

Incidentally, if you're in North America you can order these videos (in NSTC format, which is the video format for North America) from Brits, a shop selling British stuff, in Kansas. Their website at http://www.britsusa.com/ and is an excellent source for other Goodies stuff like The Goodies CD and the ISIRTA tapes. And for those of you who live elsewhere, the folks on Goodies-L are all raving about Blackstar Video at http://www.blackstar.co.uk/ which is an excellent British site.

To answer your second question, 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue' is similar to 'I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again' in some ways. ISIHAC was originally an offshoot of ISIRTA (Graeme Garden came up with ISIHAC as a way of doing ISIRTA without a script) and the pilot episode and the first series featured all of the ISIRTA cast as well as Barry Cryer and Willie Rushton, with Humphrey Lyttelton as chairman. But while John Cleese, Bill Oddie and Jo Kendall were excellent in the sketch comedy of ISIRTA, they didn't enjoy or feel confident with playing silly games and doing improvised comedy on ISIHAC so they dropped out, leaving it all to the regular teams of Tim Brooke-Taylor and Willie Rushton and Graeme Garden and Barry Cryer. Sadly, Willie Rushton died in 1996, but his place has been taken by guest panellists such as Jeremy Hardy and Sandi Toksvig. I can highly recommend ISIHAC, despite its many British references and I encourage you to buy the tapes, although I must warn you, not only is ISIHAC very funny, it's very addictive.

4. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY no 19

Every other C&G we are proud to present one of BRETT ALLENDER's brilliant Goodies Episode Summaries. If you enjoy this summary we encourage you to buy his book of them, the proceeds of which will go to Kitten Kon. For more details head to http://thegoodies.oztek.com.au/summary.html

Series 2 - Episode 12

First screened: 7th January 1972

The Goodies rattle tins on a street corner for charity, but nobody wants to help them (especially an old bat who bops Bill with her handbag). As a Rolls Royce purrs along towards them, they block all roads, force it to stop, then ring the doorbell on it. They come across a gentleman sipping champagne, but he refuses to donate any money and tells them that they should set up a fundraising scheme instead.

He gives them his card as the manager of Sparklypegs Toothpaste and tells them to get out. However the Goodies turn up at his office (a huge building where all of the employees have even bigger sickly pearly white smiles) and pester him with Graeme's fundraising idea of a London to Brighton walk. After much sad music and pleading (from both the Goodies and his grovelling offsider Minion), Mr Sparklypegs is lured by the thought of the free publicity and pledges 10 pounds a mile, but firstly gets Tim to sign a blank piece of paper.

The deal involves the Goodies dressing as Sparklypegs toothpaste tubes with lead tops to stop them from getting very far, but they have also signed up heaps of other volunteers, which gives the penny-pinching Mr Sparklypegs a major panic attack. Minion unveils Plan B which requires them to bounce along on inflated spacehoppers, but this backfires badly, as bouncing is the Goodies favourite hobby. In no time, they are bouncing along merrily and the increasingly worried Mr Sparklypegs tries to talk them into stopping, then sends Minion on a motor scooter to check that they don't cheat.

Back in his office with his extremely dopey (but ever-grinning) secretary, Mr Sparklypegs manages to whittle the 1790 pounds sponsorship back to the princely sum of 52 pence by deducting all sorts of costs, and even then, he still can't bear to part with it. He asks Minion to pay them, but Minion reports in with the bad news that the Goodies are not stopping at Brighton and are continuing to bounce around the world. A report that they are lost at sea causes Mr Sparklypegs to break open the champagne (and a cup of tea for Minion and the secretary - no sugar!), however news comes in that they have reached France and are still bouncing.

The spacehopper odyssey goes on through Germany, Italy and India as Mr Sparklypegs continually adds up the bill in utter despair. Minion is sent on his scooter to stop them and although he catches up with them in Australia (along with a bouncing Rolf Harris), he has his bouncing kangaroo skin pinged by an Indian's arrow in America and is blown up when trying to bounce along on a landmine. Minion's blackened appearance causes him to be belted up by the police in South Africa and he suffers cruel tricks from mirages in the Sahara Desert, as the Goodies bounce their way back to London.

Mr Sparklypegs is disguised and ready to flee, as he can't bear to hand over his money and although Minion tries to lock them in a box, the Goodies enter the office to claim their massive sponsorship. Mr Sparklypegs is ready to jump out the window and end it all until Minion shows him the record worldwide sales figures (causing pound signs to light up in his glasses). However the Goodies claiming 1,200,000 pounds of his money has him ready to jump again until Minion points out that the Goodies preferred charity (the Grieving Grannies) is one of his own companies set up as a tax dodge! Therefore Mr Sparklypegs gratefully accepts the cheque on behalf of the Grieving Grannies and the Goodies plunge out the window themselves, but keep bouncing back up into the air on their spacehoppers.

I'm really struggling to come up with one. Perhaps Mr Sparklypegs telling his empty-headed secretary to take 20,000 tubes of Sparklypegs toothpaste and scrub away the oil spilt on England's beaches could be used, but the delivery of the line is so uninspiring that it falls rather flat anyway. Maybe some of Minion's babbling fits the bill, as it is a classic example of a master boss-crawler at work.

* The ever-smiling, completely brain-dead secretary Miss Simpkins trying to put the petty cash back in the safe, which is guarded by a massive chomping set of sparkling white teeth. Her hands get caught and are squashed so badly that her fingers are longer than her feet. Mr Sparklypegs tells her that she can't possibly type with fingers like that, so she is fired. However later she is pictured typing away one letter at a time in extreme pain, but still with a dopey grin frozen on her face.

* The Goodies bouncing through a pedestrian zebra crossing in South Africa, with a black man waiting on one side and a white man on the other side. After the Goodies are gone, the pedestrians cross the road by bouncing hopscotch-style, with the white guy only hopping on the white strips and the black guy only landing on the black ones!

Freddy Jones, Johnathon Cecil, Gilly McIvor.

Needed, The Goodies Theme, Spacehopper.

Stuffed Olive Soap, Yellow Pages.

The 'bouncing around the world on spacehoppers' idea might have worked okay as a chase scene clip as part of an episode, but becomes very tedious when stretched throughout an entire show. Despite a couple of redeeming features like the grovelling Minion (who bears a scary resemblance to a boss-crawling worm at my workplace!) and the catchy 'Spacehopper' song, the almost complete lack of funny lines or visual effects makes it one of their least memorable episodes.

I Tripe on t'pikelets

THE BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM

IIII - Officially amazing.

III - Goody goody yum yum.

II - Fair-y punkmother.

I - Tripe on t' pikelets.

** The next episode summary will be #20 "Nice Person Of The Year" in the January edition. Next month's C&G will feature a music review. **

As usual in The End we'll sign off with some material from 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue', the hilarious BBC radio show featuring Tim Brooke-Taylor, Graeme Garden and Barry Cryer and chaired by Humphrey Lyttelton. This excerpt comes from an episode several years ago, when Willie Rushton was still alive and doing the show.

The round is "Ancient Radio Times", inspired after Humph found a Greek edition of the popular magazine, from 500 BC, among the magazines in his doctor's waiting room.

Tim: "Thesis Your Life."

Graeme: "Menilaeus Behaving Badly."

Barry: "Homer And Away."

Willie: "Educating Archimedes."

Tim: "The 9 O'Clock Zeus And Medusa 10."

Graeme: "Another chance to see Monty Parthenon...starring John Cleese, Androcles and Pericles."

Tim: "That's going back on an equally old show - The Goddies with Bill Odysseus!"

Willie: "And now over to the Wembley arena for the third day of the Elgin Marbles."

Tim: "Also mid-week Socrates from Wembley ... Wooden horse jumping from Hickstead ..."

And now the grand finale from the man - Humph:

Humph: "And so ladies and gentlemen, as the short sighted rhino of time attempts to mount the VW Beetle of eternity, and the rubber glove of hope gets lost in the Aberdeen Angus of destiny..."

The C&G Team: "...and as the Goodies Rule - OK! member of fate forks over the $80 of destiny for the 30th anniversary convention of joy...we see that it is the end of the C&G, so from all of us here in cyberspace to all of you in front of your computers it's goodbye.

*********************************************

This is an archive newsletter of The Goodies Rule - OK! International Fan Club (copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 1999). Some of the information in this newsletter may now be incorrect. Current information can be obtained from http://www.goodiesruleok.com

*********************************************