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THE GOODIES CLARION AND GLOBE

THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK' FAN CLUB

Issue No. 75 19th March 2002

E-MAIL ADDRESSES

Newsletter enquiries: clarion@goodiesruleok.com

General enquiries: enquiries@goodiesruleok.com

'The Goodies Rule - OK!'

Chadstone VIC 3148, AUSTRALIA

THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G

COOL COR COMIC REVIEWER

- Marc Barrow, Leigh Whitbread, Phil Wadey, Daniel Bowen

1. BOFFO IDEAS - Club happenings and ideas.

2. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings

3. 2001 AND A BIT - Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.

4. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY - Chubby Chumps.

6. GOODIES COR!! COMICS SYNOPSIS #4

You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> with your comments, ideas or suggestions - meanwhile these are the boffo ideas which our club has been working on this month:

ADELAIDE GOODIES VIDEO NIGHT

Tim Aslat will be hosting another Goodies Video Night on Saturday 23rd March at his office:

Level 1, 19 Chesser St

Please contact Tim either by phone (8227 0800) or e-mail <tim@spyderweb.com.au> for further information on the starting time, what to bring etc and so that he will also have a reasonable idea of numbers attending.

(by Lisa Manekofsky – posted to Goodies-L on March 12th)

The 2002 Commonwealth Games will be hosted by Manchester, England (no word yet on whether the team from August Bank Holiday Island will be attending...) The official uniform for the volunteer staff at the Games includes a flat cap

(http://www.bbc.co.uk/manchester/2002/news/032002/05/uniform.shtml)

Under the circumstances, I can't help but think this would be the perfect year to include Ecky Thump in the events, at least as a demonstration sport!

More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the Goodies recently, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! The Goodies this month:

GOODIES CD IN MELBOURNE

HIPPER records at the Southgate Shopping plaza (across the Yarra - opposite Flinders Street Station) has the CD "Funky Gibbon - The Best Of The Goodies" for $10

(by Leigh Whitbread)

I don't know if this falls into the 'Spotted category or not, but recently on a British Home renovations style show, during a particular scene when the presenters struggled to fit a sofa through a doorway of the house receiving he makeover, (2 inches too narrow), they proceeded to take the sofa around the back of the house, along the street and fit it through an alternative entrance, two streets back and one over, then down a narrow alley way... This whole exercise was sped up and the back ground music was the goodies Theme Music ... I found it very amusing, and very appropriate to the dilemma at hand ...

MONKEES BUSINESS

(by Lisa Manekofsky)

The Goodies were mentioned in March 2002 issue of "Monkee BusinessFanzine", the newletter of one of the major US Monkees fan clubs, because of Monkee Micky Dolenz’s appearance in Bill Oddie’s "This Is Your Life". Here is the news item, which was contributed by Sue Waller (who runs the UK Monkees fan club "Band 6"):

'Micky was on "This Is Your Life", shown January 31 on the BBC. He was not the "subject" but made a guest appearance in a pre-filmed segment from Los Angeles. The subject was Bill Oddie. He was in a series called "the Goodies" which had a lot of commonalities with "The Monkees", and he is now an avid ornithologist. Micky appeared because he and Bill had worked together on a TV series called "From The Top" during the time Micky lived and worked in the U.K. in the late ‘70s and early ‘80s.'

(by Daniel Bowen – posted To Goodies-L on March 18th)

Some may find it interesting to look at the BBFC web site for Goodies

material... 7 titles are listed.

Go to http://www.bbfc.co.uk/...then click Search, and enter for Title: the goodies

3. 2001 AND A BIT

If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays.

(by Lisa Manekofsky - posted to Goodies-L on February 21st)

I noticed that a number of Goodies solo appearances are scheduled to be repeated on various UK channels in the next few weeks, so I thought I'd send out a list for anyone who needed it.

The only new program is the final episode of the current series of "Bill Oddie Goes Wild", which is scheduled for Friday 1st March at 20:00. I don't think there will be an episode tomorrow evening (possibly due to coverage of the Olympics).

Here's the list of repeats:

Bill Oddie appearances:

Thursday 28th February on Play UK

Time: 03:40 to 04:10 (30 minutes long)

When: Friday 1st March on Bravo

Time: 18:55 to 19:30 (35 minutes long).

Fun at the Funeral Parlour

Sunday 3rd March on Play UK

Time: 22:15 to 22:50 (35 minutes long).

Monday 4th March on Play UK

Time: 02:05 to 02:40 (35 minutes long).

Graeme Garden appearances:

Masterchef - shown at 4 times

Friday 1st March on UK Food

Time: 08:30 to 09:00 (30 minutes long).

Friday 1st March on UK Food

Time: 15:00 to 15:30 (30 minutes long).

Friday 1st March on UK Food

Time: 18:00 to 18:30 (30 minutes long).

Saturday 2nd March on UK Food

Time: 08:00 to 08:30 (30 minutes long).

Tim Brooke-Taylor appearances:

Golf Clubs with Tim Brooke-Taylor is being shown daily through at least March 7th on Discovery Home & Leisure and Discovery Home & Leisure Plus 1. The times vary from day to day and there are far too many show times to itemize them all here; please check your local listings for the appropriate times.

WILDLIFE ... I SHOULD SAY SO!!

(by Lisa Manekofsky - posted to Goodies-L on March 6th

Bill Oddie is scheduled to appear on a show called "Charlie's Wildlife Gardens" on 12th March. The show is slated to air at 1:00 p.m.on UK Style and 2:00 p.m.on UK Style Plus 1.

Here's the listing from Digiguide:

Charlie's Wildlife Gardens

When: Tuesday 12th March on UK Style

Time: 13:00 to 13:30 (30 minutes long)

When: Tuesday 12th March on UK Style Plus 1

also 14:00 to 14:30 (30 minutes long).

(The Bird Garden) Charlie Dimmock and wildlife expert Chris Baines transform a bare plot into a paradise for birds, with Bill Oddie on hand to advise on feeding. Plus tips on building a nestbox and a helping hand for a colony of housemartins

A LIVE SPOTTING!

Bill Oddie will be opening the Icknield Way long distance bridleway in Dunstable, Hertfordshire, England on Sunday 24th March at noon. More information is available at http://www.icknieldwaytrail.co.uk/

BILL'S NEW BIRD BOOK

(by Lisa Manekofsky)

"Bill Oddie's Introduction to Birdwatching" was released in late February. Here’s a description of the book, courtesy of Amazon.co.uk:

"Bill Oddie brings his infectious enthusiasm and inimitable style to this comprehensive introduction for the birdwatching beginner. Starting with the basics, the book goes on to explore all aspects of this increasingly popular pastime, from choosing a field guide, to easy identification tips, basic field techniques and avoiding common errors.

With vital additional information on bird behaviour, bird reserves and conservation, as well as practical advice on how to take your interest further afield, this should be an indispensable guide for the beginner and enthusiast alike. With colour illustrations and many helpful diagrams, this text acts as a companion to "Bill Oddie's Birding Pack" also published by New Holland."

STILL CLUELESS AFTER 30 YEARS!

(by Lisa Manekofsky)

According to Radio 4's website

(http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/comedy/clue.shtml), the special program "30 Years of I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue" is scheduled to be aired on Sunday 14 April at 6.15pm. The new series of ISIHAC is slated to start on 20 May.

4. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY

First screened: 24th February 1975

Graeme returns to the office from a fishing trip which was unsuccessful because he had used the wrong bait - Bill in a carrot costume (who only managed to attract a few nibbles from a donkey rather than any fish!). Their trip is supposed to have given Tim the chance to do the spring cleaning, but upon entering the office, they find Tim laying in bed with junk piled up everywhere. Tim is listening to Jim's latest recipe on the radio for suet dumplings, but is too lazy to get out of bed to cook. Graeme and Bill expertly prepare lunch using the buckets of pig fat, whipped cream, treacle and whale blubber conveniently located nearby, but not surprisingly lose their appetite very quickly and warn Tim that he'll get fat eating food like that.

Tim surfaces from bed looking as fat as a house from indulging in such awful food while the others were away and tunes into 'Terry's Fight Against Flab' on his trusty transistor. Tim finds it easier to touch Bill's toes than his own and is soon summoned out the door by Terry, along with all of the other overweight housewives in the street, to 'The Lazy DJ Health & Beauty Farm', where they are whipped into shape by white lab-coated boffins and given a whole sexy new image.

In Tim's absence, Bill constantly grumbles about doing the housework (while he shampoos the joint and puts the cat in the oven!) and has to endure a sales pitch for Smootho Mix from Graeme where the bottle squirts the mixture into his face. Tim finally returns all tarted up in a pink dress, teased-up hair and enhanced bustline, but the others initially don't even notice any change before they finally drop a stack of dishes in shock. Terry comes on the radio again and spruiks about his upcoming Miss Housewife of the Year contest, so Tim phones in his entry as Timbellina Tottywallop before he rushes out to get ready for the big occasion. Terry is still on the phone and cops an earful from Graeme about his rotten contest and admits that he only wants pretty girls (and none of his "fat old bats" of fans) to enter since he has to spend time with them. However he forgets that he is still 'on air' and is instantly sacked, with his job being advertised immediately.

Graeme promptly takes over BBC Radio and impersonates everyone from Eddie Waring to Jimmy Savile in an inspired burst of power crazed lunacy, then imitates Terry and declares that the Miss Housewife of the Year contest is still on, much to Bill's disgust and Tim's naive delight. However this time 'Terry' doesn't want any beauty queens, just ordinary tubby frumpy housewives and encourages them all to go out and stuff their lovely selves with food. Bill thinks he knows what Graeme is up to and desperately prevents Tim from ruining his gorgeous figure, while the other housewives go out and launch into a feeding frenzy on everything in sight.

On the night of the contest at Royal Albert Hall, the show kicks off with a very camp rendition of 'Les Girls', as Bill acts as Lionel Bleeah surrounded by pink suited male dancers. An expert housewife judging panel of milkmen are subjected to a parade of enormously fat housewives before the surprise appearance of the glamourous Mrs Cricklewood. The thought of chatting up the ladies and giving the winner a big kiss proves too much for guest host Michael Aspirin, who blows his brains out and the threat of a swimsuit parade proves too much for one of the milkmen. The grand parade collapses the catwalk, which leaves the girls floundering like beached whales and not surprisingly, Tim as Mrs Cricklewood is declared the winner, much to Bill's delight (as he had put a big wager on the result) and Graeme's dismay (as he hadn't wanted Tim to win it at all!)

The result is soon in dispute as the housewives gun for the Goodies and after they reduce Royal Albert Hall to rubble after trying to squeeze through the double doors, they run after the Goodies to wrest back the trophy. A lengthy chase ensues before the exhausted Goodies notice that all of the running has caused considerable weight loss for the housewives. They therefore blow away the large dresses to reveal a bunch of sexy girls in bikinis, don their 'dirty old man' outfits and do some chasing of their own!

* Bill: "I've got dishpan hands, housemaid's knee, flunky's feet and butler's bum!"

* Tim: "Haven't you noticed anything else? I'm beautiful!"

Bill: "You know, he is a bit of a cracker, isn't he!"

* Terry (on the radio): "And don't forget, first prize is a night out with me. Second prize - a night out with Tony Blackburn. Third prize - two nights out with Tony Blackburn...!"

* Graeme (on the phone to Terry): "Ugly people are human too, you know! Horrible, I'll grant you, but human!"......"You tell me, when did a big, fat, ugly man last win the Miss World title?"

* Bill (singing 'Les Girls'): "She'll really make you a man ..."

Male dancer: "Oh will she make me one too!"

* Graeme (as Terry): "And first on is Mrs Darlington, and this little darling weighs a ton, believe you me." ... (later) "And now Mrs Liverpool. Lord have Mersey!"

* (also see first 'classic scene')

* Graeme and Bill looking at a framed photo of Tim on the wall after he has left them

( Bill: "You know, I reckon I'll miss him."

Graeme: "Not if you aim carefully!")

with Bill then hurling a cricket ball at the photo, smashing the glass panel for a 'bullseye'!

* Graeme arriving at BBC Radio to discover a guard covered with cobwebs, then falling through the rickety old door in a shower of dust and finding a skeleton at the microphone before taking over and reeling off one of the most superb batches of imitations ever recorded, including Walter Gabriel ("Oh deaaar, oh deaaar"), Eddie Waring (a heap of babble which requires an interpreter), Emperor Caligula, Jimmy Savile ("clunk, click, aaahaaa!") and Tony Blackburn as a wooden ventriloquist dummy who is hurled away at the finish.

* The housewives going berserk after Terry (aka Graeme) has told them to stuff their faces, including making short work of a dolphin and an elephant at the zoo and gobbling up a policeman and his car (except for his uniform) before he can get any further than " 'ello, 'ello, 'ello ...!"

* The epic chase scene after the presentation of Miss Housewife, including the Goodies bouncing off the big fat housewives like they were in a pinball machine, Bill being rolled on and squashed to a paper cutout before being inflated with air and carrying the others up into the sky with him and the final scenes which Benny Hill would have enjoyed immensely!

Years ahead of their time with a solid sendup of what is indeed a very weighty issue in the '90's. Graeme's brilliant string of impersonations when taking over BBC Radio and the great final chase scene lift it overall from a very good episode to a great one.

IIII Officially amazing

BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM:

IIII - Officially amazing.

III - Goody goody yum yum.

II - Fair-y punkmother.

I - Tripe on t' pikelets.

April Episode Summary – Wacky Wales

5. GOODIES COR COMICS SYNOPSIS #4

27th January, 1973. No. 27

The Goodies were definitely masters of comic timing and knew how to write and perform a half hour of comedy in which a situation or series of situations were tied together perfectly to lead to a hilarious conclusion. The difference between doing a straight sketch comedy show and a situation comedy show (albeit a loosely formatted one) was things simply had to tie together in some way, shape or form from the start to the finish.

The best comic strips tell a story which have a beginning, middle and end. A series of jokes is entertaining in and of itself, but tying such jokes all together to build to a payoff at the end adds a lot to any style of comedy.

The Cor!! comics were often simply a series of jokes based on a particular subject, but once in a while a strip would emerge as having a little something extra ... a running theme which flows perfectly from beginning to end. And this particular entry in the series is a terrific example.

Header: THE GOODIES DISCOVER IT'S NOT EASY RUNNING A LOST AND FOUND BUSINESS!

The Goodies are seen riding their trandem down the street. A newspaper seller is standing next to a sign proclaiming the news of the day: "England Lose Again." Another sign on a wall shows a photo of an ocean liner with the words LOST - 45p Reward.

TIM: Everybody seem to be *losing* things lately! *We'll* start a Goodies *"Lost and Found"* office at home!

(What none of them notice is they are losing the back wheel on their trandem!)

At the office The Goodies get busy setting up their new business. Graeme is nailing up some shelves on the back wall with labels on them like "Elephants", "Memories", "Brollies."

GRAEME: Right! The shelves are up, so we're open for business!

Bill is wearing a deerstalker cap and carrying a magnifying glass as he starts looking around on the ground, approaching a startled mouse.

BILL: I'll start searching for objects!

Tim is running to the front door with a can of paint and a paint brush.

TIM: I'll surprise 'em by painting a large signboard outside!

Graeme is sitting at a desk marked "Enquiries", looking very pleased. Bill is still running around with the magnifying glass, then heads for the open front door where a ladder is propped up.

BILL: Hey ... success! Our first case! I've found a ladder!

Bill grabs the bottom of the ladder and rushes inside with it, unaware that he's pulling it out from under Tim, who's standing near the top painting a sign which reads "The Goodies - You Lose It! We Find It!"

BILL: Wonder who lost it?

Tim is left hanging in midair as a woman walking a poodle approaches from the right and a businessman with a bowler hat and reading a newspaper approaches from the left.

The paint can plummets to the ground with a WHIZZZ! and lands right on top of the poodle dog, who lets out a "YAP!" The woman is oblivious to this.

Tim is now dangling above the doorway.

TIM: *Help!* I can't find a foothold!

As Tim's feet scramble for footing, he kicks the bowler hat from the head of the passing businessman. The hat lands on the paint can which is still on top of the dog, and the dog takes off running down the street.

BUSINESSMAN: *Aaagh!* I've lost my new bowler!

WOMAN: *Eek!* I've lost my little dog!

Both of them rush into the Goodies Lost and Found, startling Bill. Graeme is on his feet, looking concerned.

BUSINESSMAN: Quick, Goodies! Find my bowler hat!

WOMAN: No! Look for my little doggy first!

Bill swings the ladder toward the startled man and woman as Graeme sits down at the table with a pencil and paper.

BILL: Right! Give him the particulars ... then I'll start the search. Hold this ladder. I must polish my magnifying glass!

A workman is walking down the street carrying a large roll of linoleum. He doesn't notice the dog with the paint can and bowler hat running toward him.

WORKMAN: *Phew!* This lino's heavy! I must put it down and have a rest!

The workman sets down the linoleum roll upright on the ground, placing it directly over the unsuspecting poodle, who is now inside the center of the roll.

WORKMAN (Wiping his brow): GASP!

The frightened poodle takes off running with a YAP!, the linoleum roll moving upright down the street as the startled workman jumps with a start and Tim is seen still dangling from above.

WORKMAN: *Aaagh!* I've lost me lino! (Note: in the panel this balloon is accidentally pointed toward Tim instead of the workman).

The workman rushes into the Goodies Lost and Found, looking quite upset.

WORKMAN: Goodies! I've lost me lino!

GRAEME: Really! Business *is* good! One dog, one bowler!

Meanwhile, out on the street, the dog inside the linoleum roll is still scooting down the street toward an open manhole with the sign "Men at Work" above it. A sewer worker named Charlie is appearing from the hole.

CHARLIE: Lads, I'm just going up top to get a pack of cards!

Charlie pops out of the hole just in time to have the linoleum roll slip over his head so he's left with only his feet sticking out of the bottom, much to the surprise of a woman walking by pushing a baby in a pram.

CHARLIE: *Aaagh!* I'm being kidnapped! All right, I'll go quietly!

Charlie stumbles up the street in the upright linoleum roll toward the Goodies office as his very hairy co-worker pops his head out of the manhole.

CO-WORKER: Charlie? Have you got those cards yet? Charlie? Hey, mates! We've lost Charlie!

As Charlie, in the linoleum roll, approaches the Goodies office we see Tim still dangling by his fingertips from the window above.

TIM: I ... can't ... hold ... on ... much ... longer ... *EE!*

Tim loses his grip in time to fall into the top end of the linoleum roll just as Bill comes rushing out of the office.

BILL: I'm off now! I'll find your doggie, and your bowler and your lino! Even if it takes weeks!

He runs right into the linoleum roll with a THUMP as we see Charlie's co-workers running up the street toward the office.

BILL: *OOF!* Well! That didn't take as long as I thought it would!

Bill runs back into the office carrying the linoleum roll over his shoulder.

BILL: Look! I've found the lost lino ... er ...

A procession of things come flying out of the top of the roll. Charlie's co-workers have just entered the office as Charlie is the last thing to emerge from the linoleum.

2nd CO-WORKER: Hey, Goodies! We've lost our Charlie! NO! You've found him already!

BUSINESSMAN (Spotting his bowler hat still atop the paint can): ... and my bowler ... !

WOMAN (Spotting her poodle barking YAP! YAP!): ... My doggie ... !

WORKER (Spotting his linoleum): ... My lino ... !

TIM (Coming first out of the roll and heading straight for the ladder): ... My ladder!

Graeme stands in back of all this looking very proud while the mouse Bill was chasing earlier stands to one side, paws on his head as if the whole scene were giving him a headache.

Sign-Off Line: MORE WHACKY FUN WITH OUR COMICAL CHUMS NEXT WEEK!

RATING (using the BLACK PUDDING RATING SYSTEM):

This particular comic entry is just a whole lot of fun. The story is a perfect set up for The Goodies, as they start what they hope will be a profitable business and it immediately brings an odd variety of clients which come directly from a set of circumstances they themselves set into motion. There are just so many funny side jokes in this particular comic ... in one panel Tim is actually hanging on to the border of the panel above it! The joke with the shelves is given extra oomph by the artist including the lower half of an elephant just barely visible on the top shelf in several panels. The sewer man coming up to the street to fetch a pack of cards is a cute additional joke. And when Tim is desperately hanging on to the window sill of the apartments above their offices and crying out he can't hold on much longer we see two women casually standing at their windows ... the one at the window where he's hanging from is calmly watering her flowers! Everything flows wonderfully and the final long panel ties everything up perfectly. To sum up, this is definitely one of the best offerings of The Goodies Cor!! comics.

To view these strips online, you can now visit this page:

We'll post the currently reviewed issue plus the two previous issues for latecomers.

NEXT C&G EDITION: #76: - 12th April 2002.

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