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THE GOODIES CLARION AND GLOBE

THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK' FAN CLUB

Issue No. 88 12th April 2003

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'The Goodies Rule - OK!'

Chadstone VIC 3148, AUSTRALIA

THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G

COOL COR COMIC REVIEWER

1. QUIZ & QUOTE - Goodies brainteasers for you and you and you

2. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.

3. 2001 AND A BIT - Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.

4. FROM THE GOODIES BOOKS - The Goody - The dance that's sweeping the ballroom

5. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY - Hype Pressure

6. GOODIES COR!! COMICS SYNOPSIS #17

7. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS

(by "Magnus Magnesium")

QUOTE: "Every night, as soon as I brush my toothy-pegs and put on my piggy-jim-jams, I say 'I'm going to sleepy bo-boes'. Everybody does!"

(a) Which Goodie says this quote?

(b) Which other Goodie strongly disagrees with him?

QUIZ: This month's questions are from the episode "Double Trouble" (aka The Baddies)

(d) Which award are the Goodies in the running for?

(e) Which frequent target of the Goodies phones in to nominate, only to be given the prohibitive odds of 2 million to 1 on winning?

(f) Which singing star has supposedly recorded Eskimo Nell in a topless rubber bikini?

(g) Which guest star plays the evil Doctor Petal?

(h) Which other classic BBC show did he have a starring role in?

The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.

More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the Goodies recently, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! The Goodies this month:

GOODIES DVD CONTENTS

(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 17th March)

http://www.choicesdirect.co.uk/templates/product.asp?ProductGuid=658670

Choices Direct has finally updated the info on their site (they've even managed to become one of the first shops to list the revised 28 April release date). Here's their new episode listing:

* Tower Of London - The Goodies first assignment is to find out who is stealing the Beefeaters' beef and more importantly, why?

* Gender Education - Mrs Desiree Carthorse asks the Goodies to produce a 'Gender Education Film'.

* Kitten Kong - The Goodies Animal Clinic endangers the Earth when Graeme's growth serum turns little Twinkle, the kitten, into a fully-fledged monster.

* The Goodies And The Beanstalk - The wacky crew have fallen on hard times, until a scheme to swap their bike for baked beans comes up roses.

* Kung Fu Capers - Bill reveals that he is a master of the ancient Lancashire martial art of Ecky-Thump.

*Lighthouse Keeping Loonies - The Goodies are employed for a little light house keeping duties and subsequently find themselves stranded in a lighthouse.

* Earthanasia - To solve the world's problems it is agreed to blow it up at midnight on Christmas Eve.

* Saturday Night Grease - Tim is locked up after touching a woman at a disco, against the no mixed dancing rules.

GOODIES DVD CLASSIFICATION

(David Balston - Goodies-l - 19th March)

The Goodies DVD/Video episodes have been classified by the BBFC as PG. They were classified in 4 episode blocks and not episode by episode.

Information from http://www.bbfc.co.uk

The details are as follows

Advice for consumers

Language Infrequent, very mild

Sex/Nudity Some mild references

Violence Infrequent, mild, comic

Theme or content None

00:29:54:10 | THE GOODIES

00:29:36:00 | THE GOODIES

00:29:05:24 | THE GOODIES

00:43:29:01 | THE GOODIES

00:01:54:03 | THE GOODIES RESTORATION DEMO COMPARSION OF TRANSMISSION MASTER

TO NEW VERSION FOR DVD

Advice for consumers

Language Infrequent, mild

Sex/Nudity Some mild references

Violence Infrequent, mild, comic

Theme or content None

00:27:49:22 | THE GOODIES

00:25:26:13 | THE GOODIES

00:30:33:20 | THE GOODIES

00:29:51:12 | THE GOODIES

(David Balston - Goodies-l - 4th April)

Just in time for Easter we have proof from the BBFC that the DVD will have a

couple of Easter Eggs.

http://www.bbfc.co.uk/website/Classified.nsf/6c58504cd644dcd5802566a4004a5ef9/f0d4eab01bbd8e3d80256cfd001fe62e

When submitted to the BBFC the work had a running time of 15m 59s. This

work was passed with no cuts made.

This work is made up of a number of separate components. Note that since February 2001 the BBFC has measured each component separately, but older works may not have the exact details, only a list of titles.

00:01:58:02 | EXTRA NO. 1

00:08:26:02 | EXTRA NO.2

00:04:05:12 | EXTRA NO.3

00:00:54:00 | EASTER EGG NO.1

00:00:34:22 | EASTER EGG NO.2

(David Balston - Goodies-l - 18th March)

The life of the Children's animated show "The Magic Roundabout" was celebrated on BBC4 on Sunday 16th March at 8.30pm and they showed a clip of the parody from 'The Goodies Rule OK!'

The Goodies just about got a mention in Comic Relief on Friday 14th March when in the special celebrity University Challenge (9pm BBC2) - the team had to identify 'Funky Gibbon played backwards, which they did.

ECKY THUMP STILL RULES - OK

(Alison Bean - Goodies-l - 18th March)

From Andrew Martin's "Northside" column, New Statesman, 17th March 2003.

'Ted Jones is a retired pork butcher from Sheffield and a spokesman on black pudding-related matters for the National Federation of Meat and Food Traders...Mr Jones was en route to a good session of black pudding-making, which involves, when carried out in the traditional manner, funnelling fresh pig's blood into a cow's intestine, followed by fat, barley, flour and seasoning. The pudding is then cooked, causing the blood to coagulate and the whole thing to solidify to the degree that, in the early Seventies*, the Goodies were able to stage a parody of martial arts in which Yorkshiremen wearing flat caps the size of dustbin lids hit each other over the head with black puddings while crying, in strangulated tones, "Ecky-thump!"'

* I think he means the mid Seventies (ie. 1975). (And Lancastrians too! Ed)

CULTURE FOR THE MASSES

(Linda Kay - Goodies-l - 9th April)

Wanted to let you all know I've revamped the Goodies Art Pages. Previously it was a site where I posted my own Goodies drawings for friends to check out what I was doing, but recently I've become acquainted with two other very talented artists who also love The Goodies and felt inspired to capture them in art, and so I wanted to showcase their work as well! These are drawings of our favorite comedy trio, some inspired by the Cor!! comics, some portraits, some anime style and all a lot of fun. Do take a look and if anyone has any Goodies-related art they'd like to submit to the site, please let me know! Thanks!

http://members.aol.com/goodiesfan

C'MON EVERYBODY, IT'S GIBBON TIME

(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 10th April)

The Goodies' "Funky Gibbon" is one of the songs included in "Super70's", a 2-CD set that was released in the UK on 17 March 2003.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00008GELN/202-1987442-8031012

(by Lisa Manekofsky)

The 12th March Comic Relief Special of Top of the Pops 2 included theGoodies performance of "A Man's Best Friend Is His Duck" from 1978. At the end of the segment TOTP2 presenter Steve Wright said, "I'm going to go on a campaign to bring the Goodies back; they were fabulous."

GOODIES SCREENING AND Q&A SESSION

(from information posted by David Balston and Alison Bean - Goodies-l - 11th April)

This has been posted on The Mausoleun Club message board.

http://www.the-mausoleum-club.org.uk/xmb/viewthread.php?tid=1712

Get in League with The Goodies at The Goodies Screening plus Q & A: 26th April 2003, The Prince Charles Cinema, 1pm

NETWORK VIDEO is delighted to announce that a special screening of selected episodes of The Goodies will take place on Saturday 26th April 2003 at 1pm to mark the release of The Goodies At Last, on DVD and VHS on Monday 28th April 2003. Two episodes which feature as part of the DVD/VHS retail release will be screened at The Prince Charles Cinema, London; the legendary Kitten Kong and Saturday Night Grease - afterwards there will be a Q & A with Graeme Garden, Bill Oddie and Tim Brooke-Taylor of The Goodies, which will be chaired by Jeremy Dyson, writer/performer of The League of Gentlemen.

Broadcast as a half-hourly comedy television series, The Goodies ran between 1970 and 1980 on the BBC and then LWT. The three main characters (Tim, Graeme and Bill), were played by Tim Brooke-Taylor, Graeme Garden and Bill Oddie, who operated a fix-it team for hire, wearing t-shirts and buttons proudly proclaiming that they were goodies.

The Goodies offbeat humour was described as a cross between Monty Python and The Young Ones and appealed to 6-60 year olds, capturing the imagination of the entire nation. Their special guests were made up of the whole cross section of TV stars ranging from John Cleese to Patrick Moore and Beryl Reid to June Whitfield.

The Goodies amazing talents were not limited to television and their show, they were also pop stars, with three hit singles under their belt, The Funky Gibbon Black Pudding Bertha and Sick Man Blues. On 4th May 2003 The Goodies will follow in the footsteps of Coldplay, Moby and The Cure by presenting XFM radio show HIJACK at 5pm, playing a selection of their favourite music from over the years.

Tickets for The Goodies Screening plus Q & A are available from The Prince Charles Cinema Box Office (£5 non-members, £2.50 non-members). Telephone: 020 7494 3654. Further information can be obtained from www.princecharlescinema.com.

(Note: Apparently the cinema box office is unaware of the Goodies Screening at present. Their website only has listings until 24th April, soperhaps in a couple of days they'll open bookings for the Goodies event.)

3. 2001 AND A BIT

If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays. Those of you seeking radio & tv alerts between issues of the C&G should consider signing up for the Goodies-L mailing list (more details available on the club website), as our crack (cracked?!) team of reporters attempt to post alerts as the information becomes available.

* Bill Oddie will be doing a signing of the new Doctor Who Big Finish Audio 'Doctor Who and the Pirates at London's 10th Planet. at 10th Planet Limited, Unit 36 Vicarage Field, Shopping Centre, Ripple Road, Barking, Essex, IG11 8DQ, United Kingdom on Sunday 27th April 2003

Taken From http://www.tenthplanet.co.uk/events/storesigningsindex.htm

"Goodie look it's another BIG signing from 10th Planet, as we welcome Bill Oddie to sign the Big Finish CD Doctor Who and the Pirates. Joining Bill will be Nick Pegg, Jacqueline Rayner, Barnaby Edwards, Helen Goldwyn, Mark Siney and Timothy Sutton.

Date: Sunday 27th April

Signing: 'Doctor Who and the Pirates' a Big Finish CD £13.99

There will be a signing limit of ONE personal item per person.

10th Planet is located in Barking on the East London/Essex borders and is part of the Vicarge Field Shopping Centre.

Vicarage Field Shopping Centre is located just off the North Circular Road (A406), Barking is to the north of the A13, approximately five miles south of the start of the M11, and about 12 miles East of the West End of London. There is ample parking at the centre for a small charge.

Vicarage Field Shopping Centre is located directly opposite Barking Rail Station,route between London Fenchurch Street and Southend and London Underground services via the District and Hammersmith and City lines).

The 10th Planet store is open Monday-Saturday between 9.00am and 6.00pm and closed on Sundays and Bank Hoildays."

(David Balston - Goodies-l - 3rd April)

* There is a brief interview with Bill Oddie in the new Doctor Who Magazine Issue 329 (30 April 2003) out now in the UK as they are interviewing members of the cast of the new Dr Who Audio Play "Doctor Who and the Pirates."

(David Balston - Goodies-l - 9th April)

GRAEME SPOTTINGS

* Graeme Garden's appearance in "Yes Minister" will be included in "Yes Minister - The Complete Collection", a 4 DVD set due to be released in the U.S. on 20 May 2003. (Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 9th April)

* Teletext Interview. Taken from http://www.teletext.co.uk/tvplus/generic.asp?slot=327&page=1&ref=326

Goodie Tim wants to be bad

Ex-Goodies star Tim Brooke-Taylor wants to change his image by playing a baddie in a major TV drama.

Tim, 62, told TV Plus: "Ideally I want to land a part in a show like Holby City or Casualty as an evil doctor or a really nasty, stroppy patient.

"Casualty would be good as my fellow Goodies Graeme Garden and Bill Oddie were both offered parts in it - I was really hurt by that. Graeme was a surgeon and Bill was asked to be a patient but couldn't do it."

Tim says he wants to play a TV villain after starring as a gay character in Crossroads and an ex-surgeon in BBC2 comedy TLC recently.

"It's one of my ambitions as I've done a lot of things in my career - most recently a soap and I was on Top Of The Pops when I was with The Goodies.

"I do enjoy acting and would love to get a character part in something like Jonathan Creek or a modern day equivalent of Minder."

He is sad that his last two TV acting outings in Crossroads and BBC2 hospital comedy TLC have ended so abruptly.

Tim briefly played Murray, the gay chef's boyfriend in the soap until he was killed off last month and the BBC isn't making a second run of TLC, in which he was a hospital chaplain who kept trying to perform surgery.

He says: "It's a shame that I wasn't in the soap longer and that TLC was axed after just one series."

Tim says ITV1 bosses were wrong to axe Crossroads: "I think they have made a mistake, it needed more time to settle in. I also think it should be on a bit later as so many people are at work at 5pm.

"I was only in it for a week but I made a small impact. I got three fan letters asking for photos but I'm not quite a gay icon!"

The Goodies has dominated Tim's career and he is still bidding to get it repeated by BBC2.

The answer has always been "No" from BBC2 controller Jane Root so now Tim, Bill and Graeme are to release eight classic '70s episodes on DVD and video in mid-April.

He moans: "I can't understand the BBC stance as it's always re-running Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em and Dad's Army. I guess Ms Root just doesn't like the show and never has."

While Tim Brooke-Taylor is waiting for more TV acting work, he can be seen hosting a second golf club series for Discovery Home And Leisure tonight.

In the 15-parter, Tim, handicap 12, plays different UK courses. He says: "It's a dream job, I love playing with my wife Christine and my sons Ed and Ben.

"My local club is at Temple, near Maidenhead, not far from where we live in Cookham Dean where I have a share in the village pub."

While he's best known for The Goodies, Tim says he is a fan of many modern TV comedies.

He tells TV Plus: "I think there's some good stuff on like Black Books and My Hero which is very quirky.

"I think Phoenix Nights and Alan Partridge are great but I just don't get The Office. Some of its minor characters are brilliant but it's the type of comedy I loathe. Double Take is really original and another one I like is Dead Ringers."

Tim's TV career has spanned nearly 40 years.

The '60s saw him working with John Cleese and Marty Feldman and then came The Goodies, which ran from 1970 for 12 years.

Since then he's worked steadily on TV in comedies such as Me And My Girl and You Must Be The Husband. He still works with Graeme on radio's I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue and he may do stage work in the autumn.

(contributed by David Balston - Goodies-l - 2nd April)

* I have scanned Tim's CV featured in this week's Radio Times and you can see it at http://www.dmb.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/timradiotimesapril2003.jpg

(David Balston - Goodies-l - 2nd April)

* Tim's edition of 'One Foot in the Grave' entitled 'Endgame' being repeated by UK Gold at 11.30pm on Saturday 12th April (and of course an hour later on UK Gold +1) (David Balston - Goodies-l - 6th April)

4. FROM THE GOODIES BOOKS

Welcome to a new section of the C&G which features some of the written material from the Goodies' wonderfully original books. This month's article is from 'The Goodies File' (1975) and features instructions on how to do "The Goody" - the dance craze that appears to continue some of the themes from the Come Dancing (aka Wicked Waltzing) episode from the second series of the show while also being a forerunner of the Disco Heave in the later episode of Saturday Night Grease.

(Top heading): Next time you play your record of The Goodies Theme (Decca SKL 5175) why not learn to dance THE GOODY.

(Smaller headings): * IT'S NEW. IT'S GROOVY. IT'S AMAZINGLY COMPLICATED *

THE GOODY - THE DANCE THAT'S SWEEPING THE NATION

(Introduction): Here demonstrated by Norman and Norma Higginbottom - a bank clerk and a hair-stylist - from Esher (actually it's Graeme and Tim dressed up - hoo hoo!)

(The following steps are all accompanied by suitably groovy drawings of Graeme (in black skivvy and pants) and Tim (with flowing brown hair and in a lairy blue and gold ballgown!) doing the various dance moves)

1ST STEP: Imagine you are sweeping the ballroom. Sweep to the left - then to the right.

Count: 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4 1-1/2

2ND STEP: It's as if you have found a lighted cigarette on the floor - you stamp your foot on it to put it out.

Count: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 1/3

3RD STEP: BUT - it burns a hole right through the sole of your shoe and you leap in the air.

4TH STEP: Now - as if holding your foot in your hands you hop 2 to the right - count 1 2 3 4, 2 to the left - count 5 6 7 8 - twice around the room.

Count: 9 10 11 12 13 etc to 119 - hop backwards -

Count: 119, 120, Forwards 121 - 122 and fall flat on your back.

5TH STEP: Help your partner up. Count 1-2. And - as if by accident - pull her over backwards. Count 3 4.

6TH STEP: Next - kick your partner in the stomach, whilst shouting out "Clumsy git!" Count: 1 2

7TH STEP: Let her kick you back. Count: 3 4

8TH STEP: Grab her in a double leg-lock with a back arm twist.

9TH STEP: Give her a playful karate flip arm twisting neck bender - Whee!

10TH STEP: Phone for (a) a masseur, (b) an ambulance, (c) an undertaker, depending on the amount of damage inflicted. Give yourself as LONG AS YOU NEED to recover. ORFT YOU GO AGAIN. Same movements for 2nd verse - only man dances lady's steps. IT'S AS SIMPLE AS THAT.

(Bottom heading): C'mon everybody - Take your partners on the floor - and do The Goody - Wow!

5. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY

First screened: 28th September 1976

Graeme attempts to learn the guitar (with assistance from the book 'Play The Guitar My Way - And Other Jokes' by Tony Blackburn!), but each note he plays draws a complaint from Bill, who is desperately trying to write some more surefire, number one, chartbusting songs without success. His yearning to recapture the inspiration that came up with the likes of Black Pudding Bertha is greeted with cutting sarcasm by Graeme (and Graeme's computer, who was the real writer of Funky Gibbon!), so Bill decides to give up music - and become a folk singer!

Bill puts one hand over his ear (so he can't hear too loud) and starts up some horrible crooning. All the while, Tim has had his head buried in the daily newspaper, but is captivated by this beautiful music, much to Graeme's disbelief. Graeme joins in the off-key wailing for the hell of it and Tim declares that the two of them will be just great on his new tv show.

'New Faeces' gets underway and Tim (dressed entirely in black and sporting an odd-looking bouffant) gleefully tells the first performer Dennis Droll, an up and coming (ancient) comedian dressed as a clown that to save everyone the embarassment of watching his dreary little act, he will go straight to the judges for their scores. Composer Tony Bitch describes the non-act as pathetic (as Tim actively encourages the abuse) and that the reason for Dennis coming on the show (needing money for his wife to have an operation) shouldn't affect the score, as he's just heard that Dennis' wife had died half an hour ago! (much to Dennis' obvious distress)

Mafia Man Don Corleone has nothing to say and Charley Chorley (a skeleton with an orange wig) has his arm drop off, which prompts Tim to comment that there's life in the old boy yet and "that's more that can be said for your missus, hey Dennis!" The scores are handed out on all sorts of criteria including amount of bribe offered and Tony Bitch gives Dennis a zero (as Tim remarks "Well that's quite generous for you Tony!"), Don Corleone fires two shots at him (also quite generous as he aimed below the knees!) and Charley Chorley's head falls off for good measure.

Graeme and Bill are up next and Tim excitedly awaits another abusive blast from the judges for them. However their tone deaf warbling of 'The World Is Full Of Women And Men' has both Tony Bitch and Don Corleone in tears at its beautiful purity and Tim's shriek of "Shut up, you can't have liked it!!" sees him booed and pelted with vegetables by the angry crowd. He then starts to froth at the mouth in anger and yells that he'll never forgive Bill and Graeme for this.

Tim sits on his throne with a stunned glare on his face and neither smelling salts, verbal abuse, Graeme burning money under his nose or Bill playing 'God Save The Queen' on the sax can make him snap out of his deep shock. Graeme is just about to belt him one when Tim reveals that he's merely been thinking of a new gimmick - a revival of the '50's rock and roll era. News bulletins soon announce that the Goodies are leading the new trend back to the haircuts, music and fashions of the 1950's (along with the associated problems like Graeme slashing all his sofa cushions while being corrupted by the Goodies own 'devil music' on the tv), but Tim goes even further and alters the tv schedules, as he removes Fawlty Towers and replaces it with Prudence Kitten and Muffin The Mule! He also turns into a fluorescent sock-selling spiv and brings back National Service and the death penalty for good measure!

Graeme and Bill have been called up for two years of National Service, but Bill shows up as a '60's hippy and talks about peace and love. Tim the bombastic, loony director wants Bill to perform a death song about a blind kid with one arm on a motorbike who is flattened by a steamroller in full view of his pet hamster Percy, but Bill would rather offer Tim a flower instead (which Tim squashes, but gets kneed in the groin by peaceloving Bill for his trouble!) and will only appear on Tim's show if he can sing a song of peace. Tim agrees, but gives a fiendish smirk as the hippy William and Grayfunkel enter the recording studio to record 'Sing A Song Of Flowers'. After he initially cues for flowers to be dropped on them, Tim gets increasingly loonier and orders them to be doused with flour, water, wind, balls, fertilizer, furry toys (and meanwhile interferes with all sorts of other tv programs on other channels), then finally landmines, which blow the entire set up.

Bill and Graeme flee for their lives, but amid the rubble, Tim decides to revive World War 2 and cues up Lancaster bombers and doodlebugs. The other Goodies ring the War Office but Britain's forces have already been hired by Tim as extras, so the only way to combat a loony director is with another loony director. Unfortunately Ken Russell is otherwise occupied (with Vanessa Redgrave and a wasteful number of carrots!) so Bill takes his place and cues Vanessa in a nun's habit (who succeeds in scaring off the forces storming the beach!). Meanwhile Tim has cued the Luftwaffe and Hitler himself, but Alfred Hitchcock is on the Goodies' side and cues his birds to drop eggs all over Hitler instead. Tim cues a scrawny Kitten Kong and Bill counters with Dougal before Tim calls in armies of troops and Indians. Bill and Graeme finally pull their masterstroke and cue party political broadcasts, with the sight of Maggie Thatcher's face on multiple tv sets being enough to send the troops and Indians running for cover!

* Bill: "Oh where is the muse that brought me the poetry of ... of Black Pudding Bertha?!"

Graeme (sarcastically): "Black Pudding Ber... , what, bah goom, shake your boom! Poetry?! (laughs) Eat your heart out Lord Byron! Move over Percy Bysshe! The poet laureate rules OK!"

* Graeme (again sarcastically about 'Funky Gibbon'): "And who wrote it?! My computer wrote that. My computer! C'mon, give me an ooo!"

* Bill: "I'm gonna give up music. I'm gonna become a folk singer!"

* Bill: "I'm gonna write music ... music from my heart, music that's in my blood, gut music, music you can feel in your intestines, sounds that grab your giblets, rhythm that sends you tapping your bowels, swinging your pancreas, bursting your bladder!!"

Graeme (revolted): "I'm gonna be sick!"

Bill: "Just wait 'til you hear the music!"

* Graeme: "I enjoy Muffin The Mule."

Bill: "You can get locked up for that, you know!" (then cracks a broad grin and hides his face in his newspaper!)

* Graeme (on the phone): "Hello, get me Ken Russell ... He's doing what?! ... Oh, lucky old Vanessa, but what a waste of carrots!"

* Bill trying to come up with some new surefire chartbusters, but suffering composers block (even toying with the idea of "eek eek eek, funky ferret"!) and lamenting that he just can't recapture the poetry of Black Pudding Bertha (which provokes a very sarcastic outburst from Graeme) or the inspiration of the Funky Gibbon (which was written by Graeme's computer anyway!)

* The entire 'New Faeces' talent show which is hosted by Tim, especially the disgracefully obnoxious treatment of the first act (who didn't even get to perform!) by the judging panel (with Tim egging them on for good measure), Bill and Graeme's out of tune and off key folk song which moves the aforementioned judges to tears and Tim's mad stare and frothing at the mouth followed by his stunned state back at the office, where even his own fiver being burnt under his nose by Graeme isn't enough to snap him out of his deep shock!

* The Goodies reviving the fifties trends (complete with all sorts of awful visual puns about beehive hairdos and fashion looks), including their wild performance of 'R.O.C.K. Rock' which degenerates into them using hammers on drums and chisels and paint rollers on the piano. In a surreal twist Graeme and Bill are watching this performance on tv and the 'devil's music' is enough for Graeme to jump up and down on the couch yelling "Nobody understands me!", slashing the cushions to bits with a razor blade until Bill turns the tv off and a contrite Graeme says "I really shouldn't be doing this, should I?!"

* 'William and Grayfunkel' dressing up as hippies and performing the groovy 'Sing A Song Of Flowers' in a psychedelically painted recording studio, with Tim the loony TV director cueing for them to be showered with all sorts of objects including flower petals, foam, flour, wind, water, fertilizer, swinging monkeys and finally, landmines.

* Some parts of the final showdown between the loony directors, especially Moira Anderson singing 'Bless This House' in Stars On Sunday only to be flattened by a load of bricks dumped on top of her, Corbet Woodall's desk taking off like a rocket during a news report on inflation and Tim cueing a rather anaemic-looking Kitten Kong to flatten the Post Office Tower again, only for Bill to send Dougal crashing through the wall of Chequers once more to chase Kitten Kong away, with the camera panning back to reveal that the whole scene is just a puppet show propped up by the stage crew.

McDonald Hobley, Mary Malcolm, Corbet Woodall, Jake Anthony, Richard Pescud