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THE GOODIES CLARION AND GLOBE

THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK' FAN CLUB

Issue No. 103 12th June 2004

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'The Goodies Rule - OK!'

Chadstone VIC 3148, AUSTRALIA

THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G

- David Piper-Balston

COOL COR COMIC REVIEWER:

C&G CONTRIBUTORS: Amy Rixon, Ian Greaves, Stephen Oakes, Peter McBain

1. QUIZ & QUOTE - Goodies brainteasers for you and you and you

2. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.

3. 2001 AND A BIT - Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.

4. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY – Saturday Night Grease

5. GOODIES COR!! COMICS SYNOPSIS #30

6. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS

(by "Magnus Magnesium")

QUOTE: "But a man isn't a man unless he exercises his right to fatherhood."

(a) Which Goodie says this quote?

(b) Whose classic reply is "You can exercise it all you like, but you won't find much use for it here!"

QUIZ: This month's questions are from the episode: "Cunning Stunts"

(d) What is the name of the Goodies' newspaper?

(e) Which member of the royal family gives Bill a flash of his "crown jewels" while Bill is out seeking a front page story?

(f) Who is Bill hopelessly in love with?

(g) Complete Eurovision Raving Loony Contest hostess Katie Pimple's quote: "For those of you who haven't read the Radio Times ..."

(h) Who are the two German entrants (played by Tim and Graeme) in the Falling Down contest?

The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.

More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the Goodies recently, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! The Goodies this month:

CRICKLEWOOD SHAKEDOWN

The second (and concluding) part of "No Fixed Abode, Cricklewood" will air on BBC Radio 4 at 11:30 on Tuesday 1st June. Apparently it will also be online after the broadcast tomorrow. http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/comedy/cricklewood.shtml

(from information by Lisa Manekofsky and Stephen Oakes - Goodies-l - 19th & 24th May)

The above website address was also kindly forwarded to the C&G by Peter McBain, so many thanks for your contribution, Peter. The text from the "No Fixed Abode, Cricklewood" page is as follows:

Comedian Phill Jupitus presents a 2-part profile of the great comedy team behind the hit 1970s TV series The Goodies: Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor and Bill Oddie.

Part 1 traces the journeys made by each member of the Goodies' team to the day in 1970 when the first series launched on to our screens.

All three actors had a respectable track record prior to the Goodies - Graeme Garden had written and acted alongside Ronnie Barker in 'Hark at Barker' in 1969 and, with Bill Oddie, was a writer on 'Doctor in the House' in the same year.

Lancashire-born Bill Oddie had started his writing career in 1962 on 'TW3' and had already starred in a film with Tommy Cooper and Eric Sykes by the time the Goodies were formed.

Derbyshire-born Tim Brooke-Taylor had a long history of acting and writing, and had been a driving force behind the forerunner to the Goodies, a series called 'Broaden Your Mind' in 1968.

Part 2 tells the story of The Goodies and how this farcical, surreal and quintessentially silly series came to be such a hit with audiences. In the course of their weekly adventures they would typically rescue humanity, as in the case of saving London from the clutches of a giant cat, whilst charging around the country on their three-seater bicycle. Popular fads and cultures of the day were given the Goodies treatment - Kung Fu was given a North Country twist in an episode entitled 'Ecky Thump', whilst Doctor Who was presented as 'Planet of the Rabbits.'

During its run the series picked up two Silver Roses at Montreux and scored top ten hits in the pop charts with The In Betweenies, Funky Gibbon, Nappy Love and Make A Daft Noise For Christmas. After ten successful years the BBC decided to axe the show, and the team jumped ship to ITV. The essential Goodies ' magic had gone however and only six episodes were made for LWT. Strangely, in an era when many comedy series of the same vintage are often repeated on terrestrial tv, the Goodies has remained on the shelf despite many requests for repeats by loyal fans.

I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue

BBC Comedy: The Goodies

BBC Cult - I Love 1970: The Goodies

Phill Jupitus' page on BBC 6 Music

GOODIES KITTEN KONG DVD

(from information provided by Linda Kay and Lisa Manekofsky)

It appears as though there will be an upcoming DVD release of the 3 episodes from the BBC "Kitten Kong" tape ("Kitten Kong", "Scatty Safari", and "Scoutrageous").

To date we have found three vendors advertising the new DVD:

- Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com

- Movies Unlimited: http://www.moviesunlimited.com/musite/product.asp?mscssid=83UN5FMCU3DD8KVMQQQWPD9R462M6A86&sku=D71892

- Video Universe): http://www.cduniverse.com/productinfo.asp?style=MOVIE&pid=6739800&cart=191586178

Initially they all listed a 31 July 2004 release date. Movies Unlimited has updated their site to show a 27 June 2004 release date. We do not know if this is accurate but are continuing to monitor the information at the other sites.

We're trying to learn further details about the release and will pass them along if we do. The following listing for the DVD is at the Movies Unlimited site:

The Goodies [DVD] Now Accepting Advance Orders!

A 10-year triumph for the BBC in the 1970s, "The Goodies" featured the comedic trio of Tim Brooke-Taylor, Graeme Garden, and Bill Oddie as would-be do-gooders whose motto was "anything, anytime, anywhere." Featured are three episodes: "Kitten Kong," in which Garden's super pet food turns a kitty into a colossus; "Scatty Safari," with the fellas having to replace the star attraction in their TV celebrity safari park; and "Scoutrageous," where a World Domination merit badge figures prominently as the lads go scouting. 86 min. Standard; Soundtrack: English Dolby Digital stereo.

Cast: Tim Brooke-Taylor, Graeme Garden, Bill Oddie

Available: 06/27/04 Color

COMEDY CONNECTIONS

(Lisa Manekofsky – Goodies-l – 10th June)

A program called "Comedy Connections" will feature an examination of "The Goodies" in its 21st June episode, which is scheduled to air from 22:35 to 23:05 on BBC1.

Here's the listing: "Series charting the history of some of the best British comedy shows, and finding out what the teams who made them have gone on to do. The inside story of 1970s hit show The Goodies, from the beginnings at the Cambridge Footlights to national stardom. Featuring interviews with John Cleese, Jane Asher and the three stars themselves, Bill Oddie, Graham [sic] Garden and Tim Brooke-Taylor."

3. 2001 AND A BIT

If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays. Those of you seeking radio & tv alerts between issues of the C&G should consider signing up for the Goodies-L mailing list (more details available on the club website),as our crack (cracked?!) team of reporters attempt to post alerts as the information becomes available.

* Bill guested on Danny Baker's show (BBC London, Monday 17 May) from 8am to 8.30 with a live interview. As he's been on before there was a nice cosy atmosphere to this chat, with Bill joining on previous discussions which he'd heard whilst driving in, including how people fall out of trees in slow motion. Asked by Danny if he ever has the urge to get back into comedy and do a new show, he replied with a rather disdainful "No!"

Sadly, the producers have chosen not to include it in their selection of highlights archived on the site. Nonetheless there's a good archive stretching back over the last two years:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/london/insideldn/dannybaker/archive1_clipoftheday_2004.shtml

(Ian Greaves - Goodies-l - 22nd May)

* Bill will be making an appearance on 'The RHS Chelsea Flower Show' showing on BBC 1 Friday 28th May 2004 12:30pm

"Jennie Bond is live from the RHS Chelsea Flower Show on the final day of the event, while Charlie Dimmock and Bill Oddie get wild in the garden."

(David Piper-Balston - Goodies-l - 22nd May)

* On Monday 31st May 2004 on BBC2 Bill Oddie introduces the start of the biggest ever wildlife event in Britain in a daily show "Britain Goes Wild with Bill Oddie." The show is at 8pm and continues at the same time throughout the week.

The following information is taken from Digiguide and is no doubt subject to change.

"Bill Oddie, Simon King and Kate Humble introduce the start of the biggest ever live wildlife event in Britain. Monday they will follow the intimate daily lives of a cast of unforgettable wildlife characters, from otters and gannets in Scotland to robins and badgers in Devon using a network of hidden cameras in nest boxes, woodland and craggy cliffsides."

"Tuesday Bill and Kate follow the ups and downs of life for a badger family, while Simon reports on an unforgettable encounter with a wild roe deer family living wild in one of Britain's biggest cities."

"Wednesday there is more on the perils facing Simon's gannet families on Bass Rock, Kate gets close to one of our largest animals, the seal, while Bill reports on the return of the charismatic Welsh Red Kite to Britain."

"Thursday Bill takes us inside the nest of a barn owl, and also reports on more of the big changes to our wildlife with the spread of new species of animals and birds. Also, the fate of the Bass Rock gannets is updated."

(David Piper-Balston - Goodies-l - 22nd May)

* Bill is the star of the new Radio Times cover to celebrate the new series "Britain Goes Wild."

See it at http://www.radiotimes.com/content/features/magazine/magbig.jpg

(David Piper-Balston - Goodies-l - 25th May)

* Bill Oddie appeared on Radio 4's Midweek, which was transmitted at 9am this morning:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/factual/midweek.shtml

Midweek is one of the few shows which gets stored up on the BBC site for months on end. All of Start The Week for the past year is still available on Listen Again to, so there's every opportunity to catch Bill's edition of Midweek at leisure.

(Ian Greaves - Goodies-l - 26th May)

* Anthony Wall, cerebral editor-in-chief of arts programme Arena, is licking his wounds. Having completed a magnum opus on Pavarotti (screened last night), Wall suggested to the Radio Times that it plug the BBC programme by showing the great tenor on its front cover. But, despite weeks of wrangling, which went all the way up the BBC hierarchy, the Radio Times team declined. 'We're having Bill Oddie,' came the dismissive reply.

http://politics.guardian.co.uk/redbox/comment/0,9408,1227860,00.html

(David Piper-Balston - Goodies-l - 30th May)

* Bill's new show, Britain Goes Wild, has a lovely website to go with it.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/nature/programmes/tv/britaingoeswild/

He is also on the cover of the latest issue of 'Yours' magazine.

(David Piper-Balston - Goodies-l - 2nd June)

* Bill Oddie will be featured in the 13 June episode of "The Way We Went Wild", a series looking at the careers of natural history TV presenters.

The show will air on BBC 2 from 20:00-21:00.

The listing (below) says this is part of the 3-part series; I don't know if the other episodes have aired yet. If not, we'll have to watch for the other episodes in case they show any clips from the Goodies episode "Animals" (from the 8th BBC series). That episode included a parody of tv nature shows in which the narrator (Graeme, dressed as David Attenborough) observed the lifestyle of nature presenters such as David Bellamy and Jacques Cousteau.

Here's the listing for the 13 June episode of "The Way We Went Wild":

"Three-part series looking at the careers of some of the UK's most famous and best loved natural history television presenters, using interviews with family, friends and celebrity fans. This edition features Johnny Morris, long-time presenter of children's show Animal Magic, and ex-Goodie and noted twitcher Bill Oddie."

As an additional note, Tim and Graeme both recorded interviews for "The Way We WentWild", which may or may not be used in this episode.

(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 4th & 12th June)

* Bill Oddie's appearance on "Shooting Stars" will be repeated on UKTV G2 onTuesday 15th June at 02:55 to 03:25 and again on Friday 18th June from 20:30 to 21:00. Here's the description of the show, "Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer host the comedy quiz show with team captains Mark Lamarr and Ulrika Jonsson and guests Leslie Ash, Bill Oddie and Little and Large."

(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 10th June)

GRAEME SPOTTINGS

Graeme Garden, comedy actor, writer, presenter and director

Interview by Katie Shimmon

Newspapers: I read the Guardian, Observer, and occasionally our local paper, the Oxford Mail.

Magazines: I get Broadcast to keep in touch with things. A few times a year I'll buy Trout and Salmon, The Oldie and Private Eye.

Books: I read quite a lot of books, including a fair amount of rubbish on holiday. I'm catching up with Dalziel and Pascoe, which is good fun. I recently read Joseph O'Connor's Star of the Sea, which was terrific, and I'm just finishing The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon. It's extraordinary. I occasionally discover an author who everyone else has read and I haven't. I'm working my way through Ian Rankin because I think he reflects pretty much what I felt about Edinburgh: it's fairly grim under the respectable crust.

TV: There are certain things that are democratically watched because they get the family vote, like ER and Casualty. I watch Holby City because I'm an occasional character in it, so I like to keep up with what happens. Otherwise, a fair bit of comedy. I wish Harry Hill's TV Burp was on more: it makes me laugh a lot. I watch The Simpsons and occasionally SpongeBob SquarePants for reasons we won't go into.

Radio: Almost anything on Radio 4. There is nothing like it in the world: it's a proper grown-up channel, which has always kept a sense of proportion. I listen to Radio 7 occasionally for the wonderful archive stuff.

Ads: Some ads are quite striking. There's an extraordinary one for car windscreens where a man, and everything around him, starts cracking, which seems a bit over-the-top for such a mundane object.

New media: I use the internet a lot for writing and research. I dip into various charts to see how The Goodies' DVD is selling. It's still number 10 in Australia, which is extraordinary.

· No Fixed Abode, a two-part series about The Goodies, is broadcast on BBC Radio 4 tomorrow and on June 1 at 11.30am

(Ian Greaves - Goodies-l - 25th May)

* On 23rd June BBC will air "When Jeremy Hardy Spoke to the Nation", hosted by Graeme Garden. It will air at 23:30 to 00:00 and again overnight.

(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 10th June)

* As part of a Graham Greene season at London's National Film Theatre (NFT), there will be a screening of episodes of the TV series "Shades of Greene" on Saturday 10th July at 8:40pm. Amongst the episodes screened will be 'The Overnight Bag' starring Tim Brooke-Taylor and Joyce Carey, based on Greene's short story of the same name.

From the NFT programme guide July 2004:

"In 'The Overnight Bag' Henry is determined to get his bag past customs at Heathrow. Just what is he carrying in it?"

For further information see http://www.bfi.org.uk/nft

(Alison Bean - Goodies-l - 30th May)

* Tim presents Pick Of The Week this Sunday (6th June). Radio 4, 18:15 - 19:00. Remember that this does not appear on Listen Again.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/factual/pickoftheweek.shtml

(Ian Greaves - Goodies-l - 2nd June)

I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE (ISIHAC) &

I'M SORRY I'LL READ THAT AGAIN (ISIRTA)

* The starting date for the new ISIHAC series has been put up on the www.isihac.co.uk website. It starts on Monday 31st May. It will be aired on BBC Radio 4 at 6.30pm on that day and repeated the following Sunday at noon.

(Amy Rixon - Goodies-l - 19th May)

4. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY

SATURDAY NIGHT GREASE

First screened: 21st January 1980

To the classic disco rhythm of 'Night Fever', Tim dances into his bedroom and proceeds to remove his Union Jack waistcoat and trousers (and heaves a sigh of relief as his corset slides to the floor!). He then takes his blond coiffure off and replaces it with a giant black hairpiece which he slicks down with a copious amount of Grease (which makes him look like he's got a skunk on his head!). Next he slides on a pair of jocks with a rather large carrot motif at the front, followed by a purple shirt which immediately loses all of its buttons, so he resorts to use of the basin plug and chain as a necklace.

Despite going red in the face, he eventually manages to squeeze into a pair of very tightly-fitting jeans and (with a change of backing music to 'Stayin' Alive') he jives his way along a crowded street in his extendable shoes. Unfortunately he is immediately thrown out of the disco that he tries to enter, despite having the right gear and high pitched voice, (thanks to his tight zip, which Bill messes around with upon Tim's return as a demonstration of voice control!).

Graeme and Bill find Tim's disco antics quite embarrassing and Bill figures that Tim is only doing it in the hope of picking up a trollop at some smoky dive; a suspicion partly confirmed when he discovers that Tim has replaced his portrait of the Queen with one of Olivia Newton John. Tim is still depressed because no clubs will allow him inside, so Graeme makes the suggestion that they will all go dancing that night, though first they need wheels (and proceed to make an almighty scramble of the trandem after a colourful rendition of 'Greased Cycling'!)

Tim enters in a John Travolta-like white suit and black open-necked shirt, but is promptly upstaged by Bill in a tuxedo with enormously long tails (and 'water tap' shoes, plus a golf bag full of fancy canes which he bounces everywhere, forcing Tim to take a couple of good catches in self preservation!). They are then completely overshadowed by Graeme, who is resplendent in a fancy pink dress because people would have stared at three fellas going dancing together! Tim still can't dance though, so Graeme expertly teaches him how to do the 'Disco Heave' (and is then utterly revolted by the prospect of "snogging ... with Aussie trollops!" after Tim gets carried away and mistakes him for Livvy!), while Bill goes out to find them a nice disco, even if he has to start one himself. However Tim hot-headedly decides to go out dancing by himself, but soon runs foul of the 'no mixed dancing' rule and is carted away by the police when he puts his arm around a lady while asking her for a dance (after he has already caused two lovely gals to run away screaming after they have caught sight of his carrot motif undies when he tries to get the right voice pitch with his tight zipper!)

Meanwhile Bill has opened up his very own 'Disco Bilius', which has already become the hottest rendezvouz in town. This is despite his entry requirements being so demanding that nobody is allowed inside, not even celebrities like Jackie Onassis and Rod Stewart, and he is far more interested in finding a gimmick to lure people to his disco than in helping Graeme to find 5000 pounds to bail Tim out of the prison. Amid smashing most of the glassware in his office, Bill decides to organize a televised mixed dancing contest with prize money of 5000 pounds, which he will be able to keep himself, as no couples would dare degrade themselves by taking part. However Graeme phones the prison and promises them the prizemoney if they will release Tim, despite them having lost the keys to Tim's straightjacket and ball and chain (and then deftly catches a pot - the single unbreakable thing in the office - which he has slammed into the desk, before it rebounds and hits him in the face!)

The 'Panorama Disco Dancing Championships' are hosted by Mr Robin Yad (who has a white bag over his head with glasses on the outside and is no relation to Robin Day ... "only an anagram!" ... who wouldn't appear on anything as degenerate as this!) and the news that the lack of mixed dancing entrants will result in the BBC keeping the prizemoney themselves is sufficient for Bill to attempt to indulge in mixed dancing with a lady who is hauled inside after plying her wares near the back entrance. However she cruelly flattens Bill's ambitions with several well-aimed swipes of her handbag and the audience of anti-mixed dancing protesters and cardboard Bianca Jaggers seem to have won the day until the arrival of a late entry - Tim Revolta (complete with straightjacket and shackles) and the stunning Olivia Newton Grayboots, whose rickety rendition of 'You're The One That I Want' is a hit with the distinguished panel of judges (in their legal wigs and gowns).

Bill pulls Graeme's wig off in disgust and the judges faint, but Tim delivers a rousing speech which defends the joys of mixed dancing and everyone soon waltzes away until half a dozen police charge in to put a stop to it. The other participants flee in the confusion and the Goodies also make a dancing getway along the street (a la "West Side Story"), only to have the police corner them in stomping Village People fashion ("In the police force, you'll get blinking flat feet!"). The Goodies escape again and dance their way across the sand (despite a sign telling them not to) only to be surrounded by the police doing an Indian rain dance. Down comes the rain and up go the umbrellas (black for the police, white for the Goodies), as they all skip along to the tune of 'Singing In The Rain' before the Goodies temporarily shake off the police again.

After a detour up the yellow brick road, the Goodies are grabbed from behind by the police and form a conga line which marches through a carwash and emerges from the other end, with the Goodies and police carrying seaweed rollers as 'grass skirts' to the tune of Hawaiian hula music. The Goodies finally gain a reprieve when they stop at Fred And Ginger's Cafe (Sausages A Speciality!) to rest their aching feet, but this is short-lived as the police charge out of the cafe doing the can-can and slap the Goodies around. They are heaved into the air by the police along with tables, chairs and umbrellas and finally come to rest at the top of a huge pile of furniture in an appropriately spectacular finale.

* Tim: "But on a Saturday night, when I walk down the street with my flies open and a blob of Brylcreem on my hair ... everybody notices me!"

* Bill: "Tell you something, I'd rather have Edna Everage. At least she's a real woman!"

* Tim: "Graeme, why are you dressed as a woman?!"

Graeme (in pink dress and hat): "What?! Three fellas going out dancing together! People would stare at us!"

* Tim (about the "trendy" Twist): " ... you remember, they demonstrated it by pretending you're stubbing out two cigarettes with your feet while you're drying your back with a bath towel."

Graeme: "Oh yeah, that's right. Grandad told me about it!"

* Graeme (giving Tim instructions for the Disco Heave): "Imagine you're in a disco and somebody accidentally puts on a Max Bygraves record. You don't know which way to go to throw up!"

* Bill (regarding Rod Stewart entering Disco Bilius): "What, he's wearing one sock? On his what?! Oh that's pretty unusual, I'm surprised it fits actually! Still, tell you something, he's not coming in, no, no, no. He'd look absolutely ridiculous dancing with a sock on his nose!"

* The opening sequence to the smash disco hits 'Night Fever' and 'Stayin' Alive' with Tim getting dressed in his groovy dancing gear, including an enormous black slickened hairpiece, ultra tight crutch-crushing jeans and those unforgettable undies with the carrot motif (which not surprisingly caused Mary Whitehouse to blow a gasket over the use of such a blatant 'phallic symbol'!) and strutting down a busy street to the amazement and bemusement of the general public before getting unceremoniously chucked out of the disco into a pile of rubbish.

* Graeme (dressed gaudily in a frilly pink dress and matching hat) teaching Tim how to dance the 'Disco Heave', with expert instructions of pretending to throw up at a Max Bygraves record, having ice spilt down his back, shaking the water out of his trouser legs, dealing with soggy undies and then stepping with his wet feet on an electric lead all being superbly carried out by Tim to the extremely catchy tune.

* Tim strutting his funky stuff in the disco, firstly squeaking "Excuse me, may I have the pleasure of the next ..." to a pretty girl before undoing his zip to ask the same question in a deep voice, only for her to catch sight of his carrot undies and run away screaming, then having a similar effect on the next lass before getting arrested for touching another girl and contravening the strict 'no mixed dancing' regulations.

* Bill dragging in a lady of ill repute from the street in a desperate bid to win the 5000 pounds prizemoney in the mixed dancing contest, only for her to brutally flatten him with her handbag after his failed attempts at the Roller Roller Hustle (on skates), the Pogo Tap (without trousers and bouncing on a pogo stick with a huge shoe on the bottom of it) and as Exploding Pasadoble (dressing in Latin gear and exploding himself with a detonator and dynamite into a shredded, blackened mess, then waving his arms about, singing "By the rivers of Babylon ..."!)

* The prize-winning duet of 'You're The One That I Want' by Tim Revolta and Olivia Newton Grayboots, with them having a great deal of trouble getting together due to Tim crawling along the floor in a straightjacket (with a ball and chain around his ankle for good measure) and Livvy battling a lethal combination of very high heeled shoes and tight jeans.

* The superb final chase scene from the pursuing policemen encompassing some great visual effects and excellent use of a variety of musical and dance styles including Broadway musicals, Hollywood films, disco, Indian rain dances, the conga, Hawaiian hula and the can-can to name a few.

Maria Eldridge, Chris Eymand, Spencer Shires, Okon Jones, Sandy Strallen, Mark White, David Machin

You're The One That I Want

A truly classic sendup of the Grease/Saturday Night Fever disco days in the late '70's which is my favourite style and era of pop music, although even after all these years I still can't listen to the real versions of 'Night Fever', 'Stayin' Alive' or 'You're The One That I Want' without cracking up at the thought of Tim's carrot undies, tight jeans and streetwalk or Tim Revolta and Olivia Newton Grayboots having such desperate trouble reaching each other for a dance - legendary stuff indeed!

BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM:

IIII - Officially amazing.

III - Goody goody yum yum.

II - Fair-y punkmother.

I - Tripe on t' pikelets.

July Episode Summary –

5. GOODIES COR COMICS SYNOPSIS #30

The best episodes of The Goodies usually involved the guys trying to accomplish a seemingly impossible task and doing so in an unusual and clever way. The Cor!! comics followed their lead and presented them with situations best suited for the comics format. The comic we're reviewing this month could have been done by the Goodies themselves, and it's fun to imagine how it might have looked in live-action instead of just pen and ink.

Header: IF THE GOODIES MOVE A STATUE THIS WEEK IT'LL BE A MONUMENTAL ACHIEVEMENT!

The Goodies are putting together a jigsaw puzzle in their office when they're suddenly interrupted by a ghost on horseback barging through their closed front door. The ghost, dressed in period costume, is Ethelfred the Unsteady, who lives up to his name when he bumps into the desk and knocks the puzzle all over the place.

ETHELFRED: They're going to demolish the statue of me in the town square to widen the road ... I want you to move it to another site!

GRAEME: *Argh!* Our jigsaw - bet we'll never find all the pieces!

BILL: *Ooer!* That geezer must be a g-ghostly warrior returned from the past!

The Goodies ride their trandem to the site of the statue of Ethelfred the Unsteady. They have brought ropes and chains with them.

BILL: Coo! Looks just like him!

GRAEME: We're sure going to (need) some horse-power to move *that!*

Graeme walks up to the statue and hooks up a rope to the harness of the horse on the statue as he addresses the others. (Note: Graeme's line above should likely have gone to Tim, unless Graeme has taken up talking to himself!)

GRAEME: *Nonsense!* All we'll need is bike-power ... it's down hill all the way to the new site!

They jump on the trandem and begin pedaling like mad, only they don't get very far. Tim in the front seat is high up in the air as the others try to pedal the bike forward, only managing to strain the ropes tied to the statue.

GRAEME: Take the strain! It will be easier once we get it on the move!

BILL: It's straining the imagination to think we'll move it this way!

Tim is suddenly moving along pretty well and calls back to his compatriots.

TIM: I must admit it's easier than I thought, isn't it, fellows? Er .. !

Tim sees he's now riding more of a unicycle, as his front wheel and pedals have come loose from the rest of the trandem. Bill lays exhausted at the foot of the statue and Graeme looks perplexed.

GRAEME: Crikey! That idea seems to have fallen apart at the seams!

Next Tim carries a masonry saw which he's borrowed from a mason (conveniently located across the street) over to the statue as Bill busily ties the trandem back together with rope and tape. Graeme is resting with one foot on Bill's back!

TIM: I've borrowed this masonry saw - we'll cut it up into pieces we can carry!

GRAEME: And just how are we going to put it together again?

Tim gets to work sawing the statue apart, starting with the rear end of the horse which lays at Bill's feet.

TIM: Easy, we'll re-assemble it like a jigsaw puzzle!

The Goodies bike the pieces over to the new location. They each carry one last piece as they make their way down the hill to the roundabout where they have left all the other pieces.

BILL: This is the last load, we'd better start assembling the statue again on the new site!

TIM: We'll do the straight pieces first!

They work to reassemble the statue, Graeme sticking pieces on with glue. Tim holds up a piece of puzzle and ponders where it should go until Bill takes it from him.

TIM: Hmm, I guess this blue piece must be part of his cloak!

BILL: *No!* Give it to me, I know where it goes.

Bill slaps the piece into a corresponding hole in the sky behind him, much to a passing bird's surprise.

BILL: Anyone can see it's part of the *sky!*

When the statue is completed it doesn't look much like it did before ... Ethelfred's and the horse's body parts are intermingled, making quite a bizarre-looking composition! People passing by in their cars point and react to the odd statue. Graeme sees the ghost of Ethelfred charging toward them angrily.

TIM: *Hmm*, doesn't look quite right, somehow! Suggestions, anyone?

GRAEME: Er ... I've got one!

The Goodies leap onto the trandem and race furiously to outrun Ethelfred, who is chasing after them in a fury.

ETHELFRED: Make fun of me would you?

GRAEME: He seems to be taking a *dim* view of our efforts!

The Goodies are cowering in their office when there's a knocking at their door. Tim peers out through the peephole to see who's outside as Graeme and Bill cower behind the desk.

GRAEME: Ooer ... we thought we'd lost that warrior king bloke!