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» #108 Nov 2004
THE GOODIES CLARION AND GLOBE
THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK' FAN CLUB
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Issue No. 108 12th November 2004
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CLUB WEBSITE
http://www.goodiesruleok.com
E-MAIL ADDRESSES
Newsletter enquiries: clarion@goodiesruleok.com
General enquiries: enquiries@goodiesruleok.com
POSTAL ADDRESS
'The Goodies Rule - OK!'
P.O. Box 325
Chadstone VIC 3148, AUSTRALIA
THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G
EDITOR
- Brett Allender
ACE REPORTERS:
- Lisa Manekofsky
- Alison Bean
COOL COR COMIC REVIEWER:
- Linda Kay
WORD SEARCH WHIZ:
- Edna
C&G CONTRIBUTORS:
- Dave Wood, Ian Greaves, David McAnally
CONTENTS
1. QUIZ & QUOTE - Goodies brainteasers for you and you and you
2. BOFFO IDEAS - News and club happenings
3. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.
4. 2001 AND A BIT - Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.
5. FEATURE ARTICLE – The Goodies in "Diana For Girls" 1975
6. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY - Snow White 2
7. GOODIES COR!! COMICS SYNOPSIS #35
8. GOODIES WORD SEARCH – a fun new puzzle from a new contributor.
9. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
1. QUIZ & QUOTE
(by "Magnus Magnesium")
QUOTE: "Don't buy string! String is evil!"
(a) Which Goodie says this quote?
(b) According to the television presenter,why is string safer and cheaper than conventional electrical wiring?
(c) Which episode is this quote from?
QUIZ: This month's questions are from the episode: "Camelot"
(d) What is the name of Tim's eccentric uncle?
(e) Who are the Goodies trying to save Camelot from?
(f) Whose book of medieval jokes does Tim quote from?
(g) Which Goodies song is used for backing music during the tour of Camelot sequence?
(h) What is Graeme's ultimate weapon for defeating Ye Black Knight and his henchmen?
The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.
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2. BOFFO IDEAS
You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail <enquiries@goodiesruleok.com> with your comments, ideas or suggestions - meanwhile these are the boffo ideas which our club has been working on this month:
WEBSITE POLLS
(by Brett Allender)
For those of you who rarely visit the fan club's website, you're sadly depriving yourself of the chance to cast your vote. Not for Bush vs Kerry or even Howard vs Latham ... no these are far more important decisions for you to make! Thanks to the creativity of Lisa Manekofsky and Tim Aslat, our website always features an interesting and humourous Goodies-related question for you to voice your considered opinion on.
The options for month's poll and the current number of votes at the time of writing are:
* If I were to adopt a pet from The Goodies, I'd choose:
- Twinkle (aka Kitten Kong) - 26 votes
- Frankenfido - 10 votes
- The Dodo - 26 votes
- The Loch Ness Monster - 7 votes
- Big Bunny - 17 votes
- The tyrannosaurus rex - 5 votes
- Brian the giant cod - 19 votes
- Black and White Beauty - 8 votes
- one of the Kenneth's ("they're all named Kenneth") - 16 votes
- Rolf Harris - 66 votes
Total - 200 votes
This continues a somewhat disturbing pattern from the previous month where the poll came up with the following results:
* If I were to choose a new career, I'd prefer to:
- start a pirate radio station (but only play one record) - 62 votes
- mind the Jolly Rock lighthouse - 43 votes
- advertise string - 43 votes
- take care of giant kittens - 62 votes
- grow giant beanstalks (then climb them) - 18 votes
- find stuff to do in concrete encased buildings - 10 votes
- mine for cream - 39 votes
- breed a plague of Rolf Harrises - 87 votes
Total - 364 votes
Scary thought, isn't it? All of these people wanting to adopt the Australian and Russian Rolf Harrises, lock them in a box together with only lager for sustenance and the soothing sounds of Richie Benaud's biography as encouragement and then breed up a plague of Little Rolfs to unleash on the unsuspecting world! Ah well, I've got my lairy pied piper's outfit and didgeridoo at the ready and providing that the Queen doesn't issue an order for it to be chopped off then I'm all set to lead the plague of Rolfs over the other side and into the wonderous portal of my local lavatory brush manufacturer who has already offered me a handsome commission on the beards! So if you don't want to see a plague of wobbleboard-playing Little Rolfs (or if you don't want to see me getting filthy rich and then getting locked away for good!) then please go the website and cast your vote for one of the more sensible (?) non-Rolf options!
GOODIES T-SHIRTS
The Goodies Rule OK t-shirt page at http://www.goodiesruleok.com/tshirts.php has recently been updated to display anew design and full details about current stocks, prices and ordering information just in time for the pre-Earthanasia rush.
If you're planning to order t-shirts for Christmas gifts, please be aware of the ordering deadlines and particularly allow extra time for international orders. We certainly advise ordering early for the best chance of getting the styles & sizes that you want in time for the holidays, especially since one of the colours is being retired. Please contact club Merchandise Officer, Richard Nolan (tshirts@goodiesruleok.com) if you have any further queries.
3. SPOTTED!!!
More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the Goodies recently, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! The Goodies this month:
DVD EASTER EGGS
(by Dave Wood)
Any other readers found the hidden 'easter eggs' on the current Goodies DVD? On the '8 delicious episode' (Australian version) try this:
Insert Disc 2. Enter the "Goodies" menu, then highlight the "Back" option. Press Right to highlight a hidden black pudding. Press Enter to view a clip of an alternate opening sequence.
Insert Disc 2. Enter the "Goodies" menu, then highlight the "Back" option. Press Left to highlight a hidden black pudding. Press Enter to view the clip.
Might work on the UK version...
HARRY UP AND CATCH OSAMA!
(from information by Alison Bean and Ian Greaves - Goodies-l - 18th October)
A couple of Goodies spotteds in "An Audience With Harry Hill", screened on Saturday night on ITV1. The comedian Harry Hill (who writes his name in Goodies-esque font) did a one-hour special in front of a celebrity audience, which included Bill Oddie. During his routine he suddenly paused and did a scatilogical rhyme which went "Graeme Garden, Osama Bin Laden". Perhaps he's seen the Melbourne pavement art we all enjoyed a couple of months ago?
His rhyme was based on his old "Stalagmite, stalagtite. You've got to have a system" routine, for the uninitiated. Also to follow up on Hill's font, it's always been thought that the logo was a direct steal from The Goodies, although Dick Emery and others used the same font during the Seventies. However I actually had it confirmed by Hill's producer very recently that he chose it specifically because of The Goodies
BANANAMAN DVD
(by Lisa Manekofsky)
All 40 episodes of "Bananaman" (featuring the voices of Tim, Graeme and Bill) were released on DVD in the UK last month. "Bananaman - The Ultimate Collection" is a 3 DVD set containing all three series of the show; each series is also sold as a separate DVD. These discs are PAL, Region 0 so they will play in Australia and other countries using the PAL system.
The suggested list price for each of the individual DVDs is £5.99; the "Ultimate Collection" set's suggested list price is £14.99. The DVDs can be purchased on-line from vendors such as Amazon.co.uk and Sendit.com (formerly Blackstar Video).
4. 2001 AND A BIT
If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays. Those of you seeking radio & tv alerts between issues of the C&G should consider signing up for the Goodies-L mailing list (more details available on the club website),as our crack (cracked?!) team of reporters attempt to post alerts as the information becomes available.
BILL SPOTTINGS
* "Secret Squirrels" is being repeated on Thursday 4th November on BBC 2 from 20:50 to 21:00 (it is only 10 minutes long). Here's a listing: "Bill Oddie looks at one of the last remaining strongholds in the country for red squirrels. How Formby in Merseyside has remained a home for Britain's native squirrel, which has steadily become outnumbered by greys."
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 3rd November)
* Also, another episode of "Birding With Bill Oddie" is to be shown on Saturday 6th November on BBC 2 from 13:15 to 13:45. The listing for this episode is as follows: "Rutland Birdfair. A six-part series on bird-watching - how to find, watch and identify birds. Bill Oddie visits Rutland Water, a reservoir with a built-in bird reserve."
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 3rd November)
* A while back, I bought a copy of the 2 CD Set, "The Hoffnung Festival of Music", released by Decca, recorded live at the Royal Festival Hall, London in February, 1988. One of the pieces was called "A Grand, Grand Overture", and featured, amongst others, Bill Oddie on vaccuum cleaner.
(David McAnally)
* The British satirical TV sketch show "Dead Ringers" featured an impersonation of Bill Oddie as he appeared in one of his nature programmes in some of their episodes. After the release of the movie "Kill Bill", "Dead Ringers" gave a samurai sword to their 'Bill Oddie' character, and featured him wielding it in stereotypical Japanese samurai stance, as if advertising a new movie "Kill Bill Oddie".
(David McAnally)
* Another episode of "Birding With Bill Oddie" will be shown on Wednesday 17th November on BBC 2 from 13:00 to 13:30. Here's a listing: "Winter. A series on bird-watching, exploring how to find, watch and identify birds. Bill has a magical winter birding experience with thousands of wild geese on the Scottish island of Islay. Plus advice on how to attract birds to your doorstep."
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 5th November)
* A repeat of "Charlie's Wildlife Gardens" with Bill Oddie is scheduled for Thursday 18th November on BBC 2 from 15:00 to 15:30. Here's a description: "The Bird Garden. Charlie Dimmock and wildlife expert Chris Baines transform a bare plot into a paradise for birds, with Bill Oddie on hand to advise on feeding. Plus tips on building a nestbox and a helping hand for a colony of housemartins."
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 5th November)
* The http://www.billoddie.net/ website has shut down. A message from the site administrator says, "Bill Oddie.net is no more. Sorry, I just don't have time enough to run this site anymore, and it doesn't look as if I'll ever get time to resurrect it. I also couldn't handle the constant 'Dear Bill' emails and comments, despite the clear disclaimer that it was a fan site run by a fan. Just to let you know, Andy Mabbett has set up a Bill Oddie Yahoo group for news and discussion of the Great Birding One. Thanks to everyone who came to the site in the past!" The Bill Oddie Yahoo group can be found at http://tv.groups.yahoo.com/group/billoddie/ .
(Lisa Manekofsky)
* Bill will appear in "Britain Goes Wild Revisited" which will air Sunday 21st November on BBC 2 from 18:50 to 19:30 (note that it is 40 minutes long). Here's a listing: "Bill Oddie returns to the Fishleigh Estate in Devon to find out what happened to some of the animal and bird characters featured in this summer's live event - whether the buzzard chicks survived, what happened to the spotted flycatcher and the swallow family, and what happened to Simon King's gannet chick. Bill also reveals how many viewers have already pledged to join the Make Space for Nature campaign."
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 10th November)
* A new show called "Bill Oddie in Tiger Country" will air on BBC 2 on Sunday, 28th November from 18:00 to 18:40. Here's a description: "Bill Oddie embarks on a personal pilgrimage to Corbett National Park in India, where a close friend of his was killed by a tiger. In his search for the elusive tiger Bill encounters wild elephants in the morning mist, monkeys and deer watching out for each other and unusual crocodiles, and rides an elephant in an attempt to see the tiger in its natural habitat."
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 16th November)
* Another repeat of "Birding With Bill Oddie" is scheduled for Wednesday 24th November on BBC 2 from 13:00 to 13:30. This episode is entitled "Florida", in which "Bill and his family take a trip to Florida in search of Donald Duck, bald eagles and the elusive burrowing owl."
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 16th November)
GRAEME SPOTTINGS
* The second series of "Giles Wemmbley-Hogg Goes Off" is being repeated by BBC Radio 4 on Tuesdays at 23:00-23:30. The series was written by Marcus Brigstocke and Jeremy Salsby with additional material by Graeme Garden.
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 3rd November)
* Graeme will present his selection of highlights from the past week on BBC radio on "Pick of the Week" on BBC Radio 4 on Sunday, 28th November from 18:15 to 19:00 (note that this show is 45 minutes long). "Pick of the Week" is NOT available on Listen Again.
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 16th November)
I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE (ISIHAC)
* According to http://www.isihac.co.uk/ the new series of "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" will start on BBC Radio 4 on Monday, 29 November.
(Lisa Manekofsky)
* Here's an update for those of you interested in the contents of "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Christmas Clue" set (which is available on both CD and audio cassette). The first CD/tape contains an expanded version of last year's "Christmas Clue" special. As advertised, this version includes an additional 20 minutes of material that wasn't in the broadcast version. This new material is heard throughout the show - sometimes it's just an additional joke slipped in here and there, other times it's a complete round.
The second CD/tape contains two shows which are compilations from multiple Christmas editions. The first compilation show features Tim Brooke-Taylor, Graeme Garden, Barry Cryer and Willie Rushton and includes material recorded from 1980-1995. The second compilation show features Tim, Graeme, Barry, Stephen Fry and Jeremy Hardy (and yes, Jeremy sings ;). The material for this edition was taken from the 1999 & 2001 Christmas editions of Clue.
(Lisa Manekofsky)
5. FEATURE ARTICLE
(contributed by Lisa Manekofsky)
The following article originally appeared in the "Diana For Girls" 1975 Annual.
"Goody Goody School Days"
According to Bill Oddie half the success of The Goodies is that they've never grouns up and adopted the "adult attitude" his school reports were always asking for. So, what were they like when they really were schoolboys?
Bill, himself, moved from Lancashire to Birmingham when he was seven, passed the eleven-plus when he was only nine years old. "It's sickening when you think of it," he grinned, "I was a sort of child prodigy. I went to the local grammar school when I was about a year-and-a-half younger than everybody else – pretty intimidating." His progress didn't stop there. "There was this posh school, King Edward's, that's a sort of day public school. I took an extra entrance exam and swopped over when I was thirteen."
Bill's thoughts were mostly taken up with sports through his early years, not only playing the games but running some of the teams as well. "I must've been really obnoxious and pushy. The masters certainly thought so. I thought I was a model schoolboy but I was always getting into trouble for being aggressive and insolent." Even so, Bill never actually played truant, for a very good reason. "It was fairly free, we didn't exactly run the place but we did have a lot of meetings, produce a newspaper, and occasionally put on a show with sketches, sometimes being a bit cheeky about the staff – but nobody got upset about it!"
Both the other Goodies were at boarding public school. "Really very posh," according to Bill.
Graeme Garden went to Repton, in the middle of Derbyshire, and said, "It was pretty tough. When you were a little boy there you had to get up at seven sometimes and wake everybody else up by ringing a bell. If you were a minute late you did an extra day's duty – it could go on for ever." "It's good for you to get away from home but I ended up with very few close friends there and felt a bit cut off in the holidays."
Graeme's main "social event" was the ballroom dancing classes. "It was supposed to be the only respectable way to meet girls. It was terrifying, with these enormous ladies in big hairstyles who clutched you and led you through incredibly complicated quicksteps."
During those years Graeme concentrated his schoolwork mostly on the sciences. He'd already decided he wanted to take up medicine as a career and did, in fact, qualify as a doctor before going full time into show business.
Like Bill, Graeme never played truant, but for a very different reason. "As the school was in the heart of the country there wasn't a lot you could do if you did get out except hide in a ditch – which isn't very enjoyable."
Now on to Tim Brooke-Taylor's school days at Winchester, on of the country's most famous public schools. "The first few years weren't a terribly happy experience," he said. "Until I went there at thirteen I'd hardly been south of Burton-on-Trent – my home's in Buxton, Derbyshire – so I felt very strange."
"It was tough physically. There were no proper baths, just tin tubs, and beside our beds were bowls of water for washing. In the winter you had literally to break the ice on it. Toughness was definitely the thing."
"I adapted fairly well I think, I used to make a joke of something if it was really difficult, but I loved playing games, which was a great help. I was quite good at every game but not very good at any of them – a sort of Jack-of-all-trades, master of none."
Tim's best subjects were English and History, and his worst was the one the school thought most important – Latin. "By their standards I was very bad, and moved up the school very slowly because of it." "One thing I didn't like was being positively discouraged from the hobbies I was interested in – archaeology and acting – which held me back a lot later."
"We didn't have a school uniform, just a sports jacket and grey trousers, but we did have to wear straw hats. That seemed terrible at first but you get used to it very quickly."
One of Tim's main problems came when he was home during the holidays. "I've always hated snobbery but, though I knew I wasn't a snob, if you go to a public school and have a double-barrelled name people think you are and you stand no chance. When I was about sixteen I used to work in the Post Office over Christmas and if people asked I just said I was sent away to school – they all thought I was at Borstal!"
Tim had a spell of teaching after he left Winchester. "It was very useful, the fact that I was only eighteen. I could remember what it'd been like for me. At twelve, maths was the most frightening thing in the world. I had a system, I'd start off doing a problem on the board by saying, 'See if you can spot the deliberate mistake.' They all knew I wasn't intending to make one but I might very well make one by accident and then they could catch me out. As a result they concentrated like mad and learnt a lot easier."
So remember, that's what you see when you watch The Goodies – a teacher, a doctor, and a "brilliant child," all leaping about like crazy!
6. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY
(by Brett Allender)
SNOW WHITE 2
Series 9, Episode 1
First screened: 27th December 1981
PLOT
After being variously disgusted, horrified and bored with other productions from the Goodies House Of Humour like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty, the audience is warned that "just when you thought it was safe to go back to the pantomime", a new bloodthirsty show is about to hit the theatre - Snow White 2! A recap of the story so far reveals that once upon a time, a pretty young girl named Snow White lived all alone in the woods with seven little men (as one dwarf smiles, winks and gives a thumbs-up signal as he ecstatically trots into the cottage!), much to the shocked surprise of the neighbors (the three Goodies) who were even more shocked when she appeared to be having a really good time with them (as the dwarfs stagger out of the door looking rather exhausted!).
But one day Snow White met a handsome prince (who was obviously another woman in drag) and they had a real thigh-slapping time, before they ran off to live happily ever after in a huge palace. Initially she didn't forget her tiny male friends (as she even invited them over for a game of skittles - and knocked them all over with a bowling ball!) and despite her changed attitude to the dwarfs as a princess ("Stuff them!"), she gave them jobs as garden gnomes. However after two dwarfs died of exposure and one was swallowed whole by a goldfish, the remaining four dwarfs decided to advertise for three new dwarfs and go back to working in the mine, and this is where the story begins.
The four original dwarfs march along singing away with three rather tall new dwarfs at the back of the line (the three Goodies, who have to assume high voices to avoid suspicion), but after they continually bump into head-high obstacles and have great difficulty fitting into dwarf-sized clothing, they eventually raise the suspicion of the chief dwarf and are sent off with the woodman to have their legs chopped off. The tiny woodman just can't do it though (mainly because he falls over every time he raises the heavy axe!), so the Goodies are now out of work and pack their red spotted hankies to head off into the wide, wide world.
They are soon hopelessly lost in Battersea Park and despite helpful rhyming advice from their Fairy Godmother (Tim in a fairy costume with his Lady Constance voice), they find that all of the job advertisements in the newspaper (which Graeme has conveniently purchased from a haunted tree) are rather unfairly being offered to women only. Tim wistfully wishes to be directed to the palace, but the Goodies end up there sooner than expected after being kidnapped by a bunch of hunting ladies and are soon turfed out onto the scrap heap, after they have dressed up in an array of silly costumes, waited on and entertained the princesses.
The Goodies are joined on the scrap heap by the dwarfs, ugly sisters and other characters which the men are forced to play, and a plan is hatched to invade the palace to end the discrimination. They come up with the idea of entering the palace inside a pantomime cow (which the ladies should find irresistable) and manage to purchase one from Panto Alley (where vendors sing sales pitches for everything from pumpkins to dead rats!), but the ladies merely squeal and jump on the cow, ride it all over the place (after they clap two bricks on its tail to get it moving!), then slam the palace door in its face. After this rejection, the Goodies scale the wall inside the cow suit and are ready to let the other men inside when Bill and Graeme notice that Tim has bailed out.
In a bizarre twist, Tim assumes his role as Timbellina the Fairy Godmother to prevent the men from entering and has a pitched battle against Bill and Graeme, with fluorescent tube-like swords used as the main weapons. Graeme eventually swings across the room to the door on a chandelier as the ladies are distracted by Tim in drag and the men are finally let inside. There is a huge brawl and the princesses offer to do anything to escape from the palace; an offer taken up by the Goodies.
While the dwarfs and the rest of the men are happily singing along to the inane words of 'I Lift Up My Finger And I Say Tweet Tweet', the Goodies usher the princesses outside the palace, wave goodbye to the men (who couldn't really care less) and get the women to wait on them hand and foot for ever more. A final refrain from the Fairy Godmother declares that the girls should "give the boys what they like best", but the Goodies' eager glances quickly turn to annoyance when all of the ladies start to hammer away on their xylophones!
CLASSIC QUOTES
* Narrator (about Snow White): "Until one day she ran off with a handsome prince. The prince was quite obviously a woman dressed up in men's clothing, but this didn't seem to bother Snow White ... (as the two women hug each other and skip away together, to puzzled looks from the dwarfs) ... a little weirdo, that one!"
* Tim (to chief dwarf): "Don't listen to him, he's just covering for us. I'm ... not a dwarf."
Graeme: "Nor me."
Bill: "I nearly am!"
* Tim (forlornly): "Woe is me. What's to become of us? No home and no job. And we haven't got a bag of beans, or an old lamp, or even a faithful cow."
Bill: "Well we're screwed then, aren't we!"
* Bill: "No, we have to wear tasteless costumes and horrible great wigs and nasty grotesque makeup - makes us look like Barbara Cartland!"
CLASSIC SCENES
* The opening sequence promoting the 'Goodies House Of Humour' and its upcoming attraction, with the audience having already being disgusted by Cinderella (especially Graeme as an Ugly Sister sporting an enormous pair of knockers!), horrified by having to sing along with 'I Lift Up My Finger And I Say Tweet Tweet' in Babes In The Wood and being incredibly bored when a man is sent on stage to play the xylophone to cover set changes in Sleeping Beauty, with the Goodies then seating themselves in an empty theatre and being scared stiff as several black and white fins weave through the rows of seats towards them (to the appropriate 'Jaws' theme music), only for the 'fins' to be the caps of the seven dwarves, who menacingly surround them to promote the horrors of Snow White 2
* The running joke throughout the show with the aforementioned talentless, annoying xylophone player continually popping up at the most unexpected times and places, including in Battersea Park when the Goodies are lost, already being inside the castle when they are carted in by the female hunters, getting tossed off the tower onto the scrap heap still thumping away on his battered instrument and drumming away on the women's heads during the big brawl, with the ladies joining in the infernal xylophone playing right at the end.
* The inquisition by the chief dwarf regarding imposters in their midst, with him firstly asking "Wight lads, stand up!" inside the cottage (only for the Goodies to put their heads straight through the ceiling and collapse the house around them!) and then saying that he hopes he doesn't need to "wesort to the wuler" to figure out who the culprits are. Upon the Goodies confessing to being tall but still wanting to be dwarfs, he declares "We have ways of making you short!"; sending them off with the woodsman to have their legs chopped off. However despite the dwarf woodsman painting lines on their legs, he just can't do it (because the axe is so heavy that he keeps falling over when he tries to swing it - "Can't do it! Sorry lads!")
* The visual sequence to "M.A.N - That's How We Spell WORK", with the Goodies forced to dress up in an incredible variety of weird and tasteless costumes (including bellhops who are peppered with pies in the face, lion rugs which are jumped on by the girls, genies from a magic lamp, geese which are flogged to produce golden eggs, and cannibals with bones in their noses), with the girls dancing alongside them and then showing their gratitude by throwing the Goodies off the turret and onto a scrap heap of rubbish with the dwarves and some rather poofy-looking princes (followed later by a loud scream and thud, then the xylophone man playing his crumpled instrument to a barrage of rotten fruit from the other men present)
* The strange twist, with Tim turning into Timbellina the Fairy Godmother (complete with violin case and 'Godfather' theme music!) and fighting Bill and Graeme as they try to open the palace door to let the other men in, especially a poncily-dressed Graeme requiring padding to be fitted after he continually slaps himself on the thigh cowboy-style), a bank of candles being lit simultaneously with one swoosh of a lighting tube sword and Bill swallowing his lighting sword whole, then bending over and blowing it out the other end, with it exploding and setting fire to some curtains!
GUEST STARS
David Rappaport, Richard Briers, Annette Lyons, Syd Wright
(Seven Dwarfs & Princes: Kenny Baker, Peter Burroughs, George Claydon, Mike Cottrel, Malcolm Dixon, Mike Edmonds, Tony Friel, John Ghavan, Rusty Goffe, Jackie Purvies, Gerald Stadden)
(Princesses: Jacki Barron, Caroline Dillon, Jane Faith, Carol Forbes, Jackie Hall, Nola Haynes, Chrissie Kendall, Chrissie Monk, Wanda Rokicki, Jane Winchester)
GOODIES SONGS
M.A.N. - That's How We Spell WORK
I Lift Up My Finger And I Say Tweet Tweet
MY 2 CENTS WORTH
A very colourful and cheerful (though at times, somewhat juvenile) show in keeping with the childen's pantomime theme, with enough amusing visuals and dialogue to make it quite enjoyable for older Goodies fans as well.
RATING
III Goody Goody Yum Yum
BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM:
IIIII - Superstar.
IIII - Officially amazing.
III - Goody goody yum yum.
II - Fair-y punkmother.
I - Tripe on t' pikelets.
December Episode Summary –
Robot
7. GOODIES COR COMICS SYNOPSIS #35
(by Linda Kay)
Issue 170
1st September, 1973 No. 58
COR!! GRAND SUMMER BANK HOLIDAY ISSUE!
A botched magic act is a pretty common staple in comedy, but this theme is given a unique twist in the Goodies Cor!! comic we'll be reviewing this month.
Header: HERE'S A THOUGHT TO CONJURE WITH - THE GOODIES ASSIST A MAGICIAN!
The Goodies are sitting at the desk in their office when a magician suddenly appears in a cloud of smoke, startling them; Graeme spins his head away from the letter he is typing (to the editor of Cor!!, no less) to look over his shoulder, Tim spills the tea he is sipping and Bill cowers behind Tim.
WUZZY WIZ: Allakazam! I is *Wuzzy Wiz*, ze *Master Magician* ... available for parties, weddings, and stage shows!
Wuzzy points with his wand to one side and conjures a disappearing cabinet.
WUZZY WIZ: My assistant has left me ... *Zut!* Disappeared! Will you assist me in my magic act, old chaps? Kindly step into zis cabinet!
The Goodies obligingly step into the cabinet as Wuzzy Wiz jumps up and down excitedly, waving his wand.
TIM: Er ... are you sure this is alright?
GRAEME: Remember our motto ... we do anything ... anytime!
WUZZY WIZ: Stiff upper lips, my hearties ... *Up, up and away!*
IN THE TWINKLING OF AN EYE, THE GOODIES FOUND THEMSELVES BACKSTAGE AT THE LOCAL THEATRE ...
The Goodies step out of the cabinet into the wings of a large empty theatre.
BILL: Gosh! How did you do that?
WUZZY WIZ: It's all done with mirrors, old socks ... and now we must rehearse for tonight's show.
Bill appears from the wings onto the stage where Tim and Graeme and standing ... he's under a sheet, seemingly floating on his back several feet in the air.
BILL: *Look!* I'm a magician, too! I can *float!*
GRAEME: Huh, *impossible!* A big puddin' like you couldn't even float in the *sea!*
Graeme pulls the sheet away with a flourish (smacking Tim squarely in the face as he does so), revealing that Bill is simply walking under the sheet with his shoes on two sticks extended straight out in front of him.
GRAEME: I thought so ... you're a *fraud!*
BILL: *SPOILSPORT!*
LATER ...
Wuzzy Wiz is preparing to saw Tim in half. Tim is in a long box with his head sticking out one end and his feet the other. Graeme and Bill watch from the wings.
BILL: Hey! He's going to give Tim a *centre parting* ... with a *SAW!*
Bill rushes onstage to save Tim. Wuzzy Wiz reaches offstage and grabs hold of something.
BILL: Oi! Stop the act! You can't do that to Tim!
WUZZY WIZ: You're right ... I'll try something different! *Heh, heh!*
Wuzzy Wiz pulls a lever which causes a trap door to suddenly open beneath Bill's feet.
WUZZY WIZ: How about zis *disappearing act?*
BILL: *NEYAAARR!*
Bill falls beneath the stage and lands on a trampoline, bouncing him back up at an angle.
BILL: *WAHAAY!* Going up!
Bill's head comes crashing through the stage floor. Wuzzy Wiz is enraged.
WUZZY WIZ: Ah, ha! You are out to ruin my act, yes? You are what we call ze stage hog! I teach you!
Wuzzy drops a cloth over Bill's head and waves his wand over it as Graeme and Tim watch.
WUZZY WIZ: *By crystal pools with water brimming, a spell to set your head a-swimming!*
Wuzzy lifts the cloth to reveal a goldfish bowl where Bill's head had been.
WUZZY WIZ: Behold ... *FISHFACE! Hee, heeee!*
GRAEME: There's something *fishy* going on here ... I hope Bill's alright!
Bill is actually standing beneath the stage now. He discovers a strange funnel in the stage above his head and sticks his hand into it.
BILL: I'm trapped under the stage . . . I wonder what's up with this funnel?
Wuzzy Wiz is preparing to do his next trick. He steps to a small covered table where a top hat and a small box are sitting. What look like rabbit ears are sticking up out of the hat.
WUZZY WIZ: Now ze fat freak is out ze way ... I'll do my famous trick and pull ze bunny from ze hat! *Zut!*
Wuzzy Wiz leans down to the hat and the rabbit ears, which turn out to be Bill's fingers, grab hold of the magician's nose. Graeme has found the lever which opens the trap door in the stage and pulls on it.
WUZZY WIZ: *Erk! Leggo by dose!*
The trap door opens and Bill leaps up from beneath the stage, knocking the table one way and Wuzzy Wiz the other. The Goodies rush into the disappearing cabinet.
GRAEME: I think we've spoiled things, gang ... into the cabinet, quick!
WUZZY WIZ: Rascals! Rogues! Come here ... I turn you into *frogs!*
The Goodies emerge from the cabinet to find themselves in a tropical paradise ... a beautiful beach with an even more beautiful woman dressed in a magician's assistant outfit sunning herself.
BILL: Coo! We've ended up in a tropical paradise!
GRAEME: And that must be Wuzzy's *ASSISTANT* ... so this is where she disappeared to!
The Goodies surround the beautiful assistant, all wearing leis. Graeme is holding a drink in a coconut shell, Tim (with a handkerchief on his head) fans the assistant with a palm leaf and Bill serenades her with a guitar.
WUZZY'S ASSISTANT: Wuzzy's such a meanie ... he never gave me a holiday!
GRAEME: He'll forgive us when he knows we've found you ... but until then we'll enjoy a holiday with you!
BILL: Until next week, that is!
Sign-Off Line: Our T.V. Chuckle Champs Return Next Monday!
RATING (using the BLACK PUDDING RATING SYSTEM):
III - Goody goody yum yum.
For a comic with a thin plotline, not many verbal jokes and virtually no visual jokes in the background this strip works surprisingly well. The evil magician is immediately established with his scary entrance and cliche-ic bad guy accent, and he is made adequately nasty enough for one to take the Goodies side even when they inadvertently mess up his show.
One thing which saves this comic is the artwork, which is energetic and fun. When Wuzzy appears in a cloud of smoke he's formal enough to offer the Goodies his card. Kids probably enjoyed seeing Bill's trick of supposedly "floating" onstage. When Wuzzy performs his spell on Bill's head and Tim and Graeme watch from the side Tim is still inside the box, standing upright (Graeme is even leaning on the corner of the box). As Bill grabs Wuzzy's nose through the hat we can just see the ear, nose, whiskers and eyes of the rabbit peering out from the box on the table. And as the Goodies arrive on the tropical beach there is a parking meter next to where the cabinet is. The payoff in this comic is particularly good, with the Goodies finding the "lost" assistant and enjoying her found paradise with her.
Maybe this comic isn't as rich, as clever or as detailed as some of the ones we've previously reviewed, but all in all it's fun and unique which is more than enough in this case.
To view these strips online, you can visit this page:
We'll post the currently reviewed issue plus the two previous issues for latecomers.
8. GOODIES WORD SEARCH
(by Edna)
DIVERSIONARY TIC TACS (WORTH A MINT!)
Howdy. Here's a little puzzle to while away the hours. Find the surname of the guests from season 2!
Stanley BAXTER
Cilla BLACK
Bernard BRESSLAW
Freddy JONES
John JUNKIN
John LE MESURIER
Reginald MARSH
Henry MCGEE
Norman MITCHELL
Julian ORCHARD
Joan SIMS
Frank THORNTON
Patrick TROUGHTON
Richard WATTIS
June WHITFIELD
Corbett WOODALL
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9. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
(a) Tim Brooke-Taylor
(b) "Because it doesn't work!"
(c) It Might As Well Be String
(d) Uncle King Arthur (well, Arthur King at any rate!)
(e) The local town planner who wants to demolish it
(f) Des O'Connor's
(g) Taking You Back
(h) A giant magnet which strips the baddies of their armour and weapons
YOUR SCORE:
8 Goodies fan supreme
7 Mastermind of the year
5-6 Clever clogs
3-4 Reasonably Goodie
1-2 Thick as old boots
0 Rolf Harris!
NEXT C&G EDITION: #109: 12th December 2004.
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The Goodies Fan Club Clarion and Globe is copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 2004. All rights reserved.
Permission to reproduce this work or any section of it, in any form must first be obtained from the copyright holders.
For further information regarding this publication please e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>.
For other general enquiries about the 'Goodies Rule - OK' fan club or 'The Goodies' itself, please e-mail <enquiries@goodiesruleok.com>
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