Index

» Taking My Oyster Fo...

GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW #2  -  TAKING MY OYSTER FOR WALKIES

(from C&G #29  April 1998)

Hi there pop pickers and welcome to this month's music review.

WHO?

The Goodies with "TAKING MY OYSTER FOR WALKIES" as reviewed by your deranged DJ's Jimmy Babble (AKA Brett Allender) and Empress Caligula (AKA Alison Bean). By the way last month's hosts Tony Whitefreeze and Caroline Kooky had an epic black pudding duel after disagreeing over the humour content of "Rock With A Policeman" and won't be back for a few months until after their brain surgery (getting one put in!)

WHERE? WHEN?

Only available on "The Goodies Beastly Record", released circa 1977/78.

WHAT?

Lyrics: sung by Graeme

I often go out walking on a Sunday

I like to take a stroll down by the sea

'Coz there's a little shellfish store, down by the harbour wharf

There I'll stop and say "hello", and think of how a year ago

I bought myself a quite delicious oyster

I thought I'd save it for a special day

But gradually I found, it was nice to have around

So now on Sundays, if it's dry, the people stop and stare as I …

Am taking my oyster for walkies

She's really incredibly sweet

We walk very slow, because as you know

An oyster has very few feet … if any!

I'm taking my oyster for walkies

And my oyster is taking to me

I admit I've had affairs with other molluscs

Well mussels have a certain sex appeal

And I well recall the twinkle, when I first saw a winkle

And surely nothing can conceal, the candour of a jellied eel

Well alright, I caused a scandal with a scallop

But I'm really not so shellfish anymore

'Coz a loveable crustacean, has expended my frustration

You can stuff your cockles 'coz instead, I'm happy in my oyster bed

I'm taking my oyster for walkies (Walkies)

How I wish I could marry the girl (Ohhh, ohhh)

If only she could see, we'd, be as happy as could be, we'd

Have an excellent chance of a pearl … let's try!

I'm taking my oyster for walkies (Walkies)

And my oyster is taking to me

I'm taking my oyster for walkies (Walkies)

She's the daintiest dish ever made

With barnacles on it, in her oyster bonnet

She's the Queen of the oyster parade … she's lovely!

I'm taking my oyster for walkies (Walkies)

And my oyster is taking to me

Oh I've been locked up with a limpet, and I thought it was swell

Had relations with a lobster, that was all very well

But you should see my oyster when she comes out of her shell

Oh I'm taking my oyster for walkies (Walkies)

And my oyster is taking … my oyster is taking … my oyster is taking to me!

Give us a kiss … [slurp] … Oh dear!

Jimmy: A lilting love song about Graeme's remarkable romance with a quite delicious oyster that escaped the cooking pot and created an oyster bed for the two of them instead. People stop and stare as he takes his oyster for walkies rather slowly (as it has very few feet ... if any!), and despite his admission of infidelity by causing a scandal with a scallop, they have an excellent chance of a pearl together, especially when she comes out of her shell!

Empress C: Yes it seems that Graeme has traded romantics picnics with his computer for Sunday strolls by the sea, accompanied by his oyster. This lovable crustacean has won the day leaving Graeme's past companions: mussels, winkles, jellied eels, scallops, cockles, limpets, lobsters to jump into the spaghetti marinara of broken romance. But the main thing is that Graeme and his mollusc friend are happy and making some fine oyster sauce together, apparently.

WHY?

Jimmy: Well it's not my plaice to carp about it, but its sole porpoise is to fish for a few laughs and any whaling to the contrary will only flounder! (clunk, click, those puns are so limp-ets embarrassing!) Actually its a gently rolling tune rather like the ocean on a pleasant summer's day, but Graeme's humour is drier than the Simpson Desert as he professes his love for his Queen of The Oyster Parade (the kinky devil!)

Empress C: It's Oprah meets The Little Mermaid in this confessional through song, featuring lyrics with so many shellfish puns, that they stink more than seaweed. But believe me, I'm not saying that this is a load of carp. Far from it, this delightful, oompah-ish tune warms the cockles of ones heart whilst simultaneously providing one with a chuckle or two. I'm not sure I can relate to Graeme's obviously strong attraction to various seafood though. I think I agree with the final lyric which is: 'GRAEME: Give us a kiss. FX: Slurp. GRAEME: Oh dear.' Oh dear indeed, it's somewhat of a worry, but beach to their own...(boom tish!).

HOW!

Using the Black Pudding Ratings System:

MUSIC: Jimmy: III Goody Goody Yum Yum; Empress C: IIII Officially Amazing.

SINGING: Jimmy: IIII Officially Amazing: Empress C: IIII Officially Amazing.

HUMOUR: Jimmy: IIII Officially Amazing: Empress C: III Goody Goody Yum Yum.

ALL TOGETHER NOW: Jimmy: IIII Officially Amazing; Empress C: IIII Officially Amazing.

THE BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM

IIIII - Superstar.

IIII  - Officially amazing.

III   - Goody goody yum yum.

II    - Fair-y punkmother.

I     - Tripe on t' pikelets.