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GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW #1 - ROCK WITH A POLICEMAN
(from C&G #28 March 1998)
Hi there pop pickers and welcome to this month's music review.
WHO?
The Goodies (who else!) with "ROCK WITH A POLICEMAN" as reviewed by your delirious DJs Tony Whitefreeze (AKA Brett Allender) and Caroline Kooky (AKA Alison Bean).
WHERE? WHEN?
On "Yum Yum - The Very Best Of The Goodies" CD released in 1997 and their '70's albums "The New Goodies LP" and "The Goodies Greatest Hits".
WHAT?
Lyrics: sung by Bill, with "policemen" backing vocals
I was rockin' at a party when the doorbell rang
I opened it up and saw a big policeman (Good evenin' all)
He stood there looking down in his two foot-wide pants
And he said "Excuse me sir, may I have this dance?"
[CHORUS]:
Oh, rock with a policeman (rock, rock)
I want to roll with a policeman (roll, roll)
You should see them on the beat
Doin' the blue beat boogie with those flat feet
(Now then) You hold your hands behind your back like so
(Now then) You bend your knees until they're right down low
(Now then) Up, down, up, down, that's all you do
When you're rockin' to the rhythm of the boys in blue
[REPEAT CHORUS, with second line of:]
I want to roll with a policeman (Certainly not!) Ooh!
All the lady drivers seem to fall in love
With my genuflecting gestures and my big white gloves
You can hear them shout when I get my truncheon out
(One, two, two, three, you just come along with me)
Shake it all about – yeah!
(Hello) Grab yourself a ticket and get on down to the policeman's ball
(Hello) Inspector Beaumont, Sergeant Dickson, you can see them all
(Hello) If you've got bad-looking trouble, you can call me anytime
You've got my number (9-9-8 …) No, not mine!
[REPEAT CHORUS]
(Dance a dance, sing a song, what's all this then, move along!)
[INSTRUMENTAL BREAK]
You can crumple up my helmet, you can crumple up my suit
But please don't stand on my blue suede boots!
[REPEAT CHORUS]
(Call for the army. Call for the police. We are the police! D'oh!)
Get me, I'm disturbing the peace – WOW!
Rock with a policeman, I'm rocking the whole night through!
(Now will you kindly accompany me to the flip side?)
Tony: You're rocking away at your party, answer your doorbell, and find a big policeman wanting to have a dance with you. He's quite an arresting sight with his two foot-wide pants and big flat feet, so don't you dare refuse to do the blue beat boogie with him. Otherwise he's just as likely to whip out the handcuffs and plod you away to do the "Jailhouse Rock" instead, so it's a fair cop! Just don't step on his blue suede boots and you can be rockin' to the rhythm of the boys in blue the whole night through. However you'll have to kindly accompany him to the flip side at the finish!
Caroline: …which sounds like a jolly good idea to me. You just try and stop me from accompanying this guy to the policeman's ball. I confess I've fallen in love with his genuflecting gestures and his big white gloves and as for shouting when he pulled his truncheon out, you bet it I did!
WHY?
Tony: 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello, what's all this then? Well it seems to me that "Rock With A Policeman" is a continuation of the Goodies' lampooning of authority figures such as police by portraying them as stupid buffoons who in this case like to dance the blue beat boogie door-to-door. Hmm then again, that's a load of old coppers, er cobblers and there's nothing wrong with the fuzz being a little warm and fuzzy after all! Next thing you know, they'll be wanting to bat-on at the backyard cricket match, pig out at the barbecue tea and peel 'er all off before jumping into the neighbour's pool! Anyway it's one of the Goodies grooviest musical and lyrical efforts, especially the instrumental break with the police whistles and the shouts of "oi, oi, oi!" The boys in blue can call me anytime... for a dance, that is!
Caroline: Indeed, I was bopping away to this for ages. I'm addicted to the touching tale of one policeman's search for a place where he can dance - his way. This is certainly one to fire up the old blue-light disco with its 50s style rock n roll roots firmly planted in a rich soil of pre-disco 70s rock. You'll love the wild and crazy piano and brass, the later particularly. We're talking better brass than Copperart here. And the especially great thing about this song is that if you pump it up loud enough to disturb the peace, the police won't mind. Play it loud and shake it all about man, yeah!
HOW!
Using the Black Pudding Ratings System
MUSIC: Tony: IIIII Superstar; Caroline: IIIII Superstar.
SINGING: Tony: IIIII Superstar; Caroline: IIIII Superstar.
HUMOUR: Tony: IIII Officially Amazing; Caroline: III Goody Goody Yum Yum.
ALL TOGETHER NOW: Tony: IIIII Superstar; Caroline: IIIII Superstar.
THE BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM
IIIII - Superstar.
IIII - Officially amazing.
III - Goody goody yum yum.
II - Fair-y punkmother.
I - Tripe on t' pikelets.
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