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» Aug 2012
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* THE GOODIES FAN CLUB CLARION AND GLOBE *
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* THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK!' *
Issue No. 193 12th August 2012
E-MAIL ADDRESSES
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Newsletter enquiries: clarion@goodiesruleok.com
General enquiries: enquiries@goodiesruleok.com
POSTAL ADDRESS
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'The Goodies Rule - OK!'
P.O. Box 492
Rosanna VIC 3084, AUSTRALIA
THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G
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EDITOR
- Brett Allender <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>
ACE REPORTER & FEATURE ARTICLE CONTRIBUTOR:
- Lisa Manekofsky
C&G CONTRIBUTORS:
- Kimba W. Lion, Daniel Bowen, Stephen Oakes, Andrew Williams
CONTENTS
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1. QUIZ & QUOTE - Goodies brainteasers for you and you and you
2. BOFFO IDEAS - The latest club news and happenings
3. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings
4. 2001 AND A BIT - Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.
5. FEATURE ARTICLE – 'Assaulted Nuts' – a 1985 interview with Tim
6. A COLLECTION OF GOODIES THEMES #23 – Graeme's Computer
7. GOODIES WORD PUZZLE
8. GOODIES WORD FINDER SOLUTION from C&G 192
9. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
1. QUIZ & QUOTE
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(by "Magnus Magnesium")
QUOTE: "You haven't got Arsenal, have ya? Ya have, what, all of them?! Ah great, well listen sweetheart, I'd like 'em back, what's left of 'em! I can let you have Sheffield Wednesday ... and Everton Thursday! What a game girl!"
(a) Which Goody says this quote?
(b) Who is he supposedly speaking to on the phone?
(c) Which episode is this quote from?
QUIZ: These questions are from the episode "Farm Fresh Food"
(d) What does Bill offer the others to drink as part of the nutritious meal that he has cooked?
(e) Which "experts" have prepared the food at Ye Olde Shepherds' Restaurant, according to the waiter?
(f) What do the Goodies feed to the cows after changing the wiring?
(g) What sort of computer does Graeme use to test the quality of a piece of steak?
(h) What sort of food runs around on its plate, causing a lady to faint in shock?
The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.
2. BOFFO IDEAS
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You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail <enquiries@goodiesruleok.com> with your comments, ideas or suggestions - meanwhile these are the boffo ideas which our club has been working on lately:
GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARIES UPDATES
The Goodies Episode Summaries for Series Seven through to Nine have now been fully updated on the GROK website with expanded written summaries and extra photos included for each episode (each Goodies Gallery now has 30+ photos).
The summaries can be accessed directly at:
Series Seven:
Series Eight:
Series Nine:
A brand new episode summary for the 'Return of the Goodies' special from 2005 is also available at:
All of the Goodies Episode Summaries have now been updated and can be accessed from the Articles / Guides menu option on the left of the GROK homepage.
THAT'S (NEARLY) ALL, FOLKS!
(by Brett Allender)
After the past 12 years and some 140 editions of the 'Goodies Clarion & Globe', I would like to announce that I am stepping down as GROK's Newsletter Editor at the completion of the next quarterly edition in November.
I would sincerely like to thank all of the GROK members who have made valued contributions to the C&G during my time as Editor and give special thanks to Lisa Manekofsky for her wonderful support and contribution of stacks of interesting news items over a long period of time, and also to Tim Brooke-Taylor and Graeme Garden for their great support of the newsletter and the fan club in general.
At this stage there is no replacement Newsletter Editor lined up and in fact it is an ideal opportunity over the next three months for all members to have their say on the GROK forums or Goodies-l mailing list (or to me directly at clarion@goodiesruleok.com) about the future of the C&G.
In its present form, the newsletter is basically a 3-monthly summary of Lisa's news items and my articles and puzzles (with a sprinkling of other welcome contributions) that have all been previously passed on to members at their time of occurrence by Lisa and I via the GROK website; unlike in past times when there were items sent in by a much larger group of regular contributors that hadn't already been posted up on the website prior to the C&G being issued.
Therefore the C&G is now essentially just recapping news that has already been delivered long beforehand by far more instant means of communication such as the GROK website news section and forums, Goodies-l, Facebook, Twitter and podcasts, and no longer serves the newsbreaking purpose for which it was initially intended.
My preference is for the C&G to be replaced with a forum titled 'New Website Content' where notice can be given in timely fashion to all members when new articles are posted up on the GROK website or existing articles are updated. I will still continue to contribute occasional articles and puzzles to the GROK website, including a brand new monthly Magnus Magnesium quiz of 10 questions (to replace the existing C&G quiz) which will start in January 2013 and further themed articles as I get the opportunity to work on them.
However if anyone strongly feels that the C&G should continue in its current form, or for that matter, if anyone is particularly keen to take over the role of Newsletter Editor and give the C&G a fresh new outlook, then I'd be happy to hear from them.
In any event, the November C&G will be my last one as Editor, so I'd welcome your contributions in order to make what might perhaps be the final C&G a memorable one.
3. SPOTTED!!!
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More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the Goodies recently, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! the Goodies this edition:
WARNING: ECKY THUMP IS LETHAL!
(Lisa Manekofsky – 21st Jun)
The Daily Mail has an interesting article related to the "man who died from laughter while watching The Goodies", including screen shots from the episode "Kung Fu Kapers" and even a box detailing "The Battle of Ecky Thump"!
Here's a cut & paste of the majority of the text:
Doctors solve mystery of a man who 'died from laughter' while watching The Goodies after his granddaughter nearly dies from same rare heart condition Mother-of-two diagnosed with Long QT Syndrome following cardiac arrest. Syndrome is a genetic condition that causes an abnormal heart rhythm probably inherited from grandfather
PUBLISHED: 07:37 EST, 20 June 2012 | UPDATED: 08:32 EST, 20 June
Doctors have solved the mystery of a man who famously 'died from laughter' while watching The Goodies, after his granddaughter's heart stopped for 55minutes.
Mother-of-two Lisa Corke, 23, suffered a near fatal cardiac arrest and was clinically dead for nearly an hour when she collapsed in her home on May 4.
But the young mother from Minster, in Kent, was saved by her 'heroic' quick thinking husband who administered CPR for 15 minutes before the ambulance arrived.
Lisa was rushed to hospital, put into an induced coma for 36 hours and diagnosed with the rare Long QT syndrome. Amazingly, doctors looked into Lisa's medical history and discovered her paternal granddad was Alex Mitchell who famously died laughing while watching an episode of The Goodies in 1975.
Mr Mitchell, a brick layer from Kings Lynn, Norfolk, was watching the episode "Kung Fu Kapers" when he had a laughing fit and collapsed in front
of his distraught wife.
During the episode Tim Brooke-Taylor uses a set of bagpipes to defend himself against Bill Oddie who is hurling black puddings.
It had always been a mystery why Mr Mitchell died but doctors quickly realised he too must have had LQT syndrome, which is hereditary
Lisa, who is currently living with her parents as she makes a full recovery, said: 'My granddad died from one of the most famous strange deaths.
'I think at the time they probably thought he suffered a heart attack caused by the laughter but doctors realised he died from a cardiac arrest caused by LQT syndrome after examining me.
'His death has been talked about for years and made all the papers at the time - I never knew him but it is strange to think we both had this life threatening condition.
'It's amazing really, I never knew I had LQT and we did not know it was in the family. It apparently runs on my father's side.
'But luckily for me my husband was there who amazingly administered CPR and saved my life. He really is my hero.' Lisa had just put her children to bed and was settling down on the sofa with Mick, 33, when her words began to slur and she suddenly slumped forward.
Mick quickly sprang into action, laid his wife on the floor and phoned 999.
He was told to put her into the recovery position, but when the operator listened to her breathing, he was told to start CPR immediately.
Mick did this until the ambulance arrived and they were working to try and stabilise Lisa at her home and all the way to Medway Maritime Hospital, Kent.
When she arrived in A&E, Lisa was put into a medically-induced coma to try to reduce the risk of brain damage. Lisa, who lives in the Isle of Sheppey, Kent, was in the coma for 36 hours and had her heart stopped again two days later, but medics were able to bring it under control.
She has since been fitted with an implantable cardioverter-defibrillator and has to take medication everyday for the rest of her life.
Lisa, who also has a seven month old daughter called Amelie, added: 'My whole life has changed and it's really hard not being able to pick the girls up or bath them.
'It's very unusual to survive an out of hospital cardiac arrest so it makes me feel very lucky.
'The doctors said Mick saved my life - it's incredible to think how lucky I have been that he was there and didn't go to pieces. Someone must be looking over us.
'I would like to thank everybody - the paramedics for not giving up - it's a long time for someone to be down. Everyone was fantastic.
'But I have to get my daughters checked for the gene to see if they too have a risk of developing LQT syndrome.' Mr Mitchell, who was originally from Edinburgh died in front of his wife Nessie, who is now 86 and daughter Xia Mitchell, who is now 57.
He had two other children Liz Mitchell, 62 and Lisa's father Alex, 54. Alex senior is survived by eight grandchildren and four great-grandchildren.
Lisa's father Alex, who works as a mortgage consultant said his father was a 'laid back' and 'cheerful man'.
'It was hard for us to deal with at the time but we took comfort in the fact he passed away laughing.
'It is amazing that after all these years we have finally found out what caused his death.'
The family are planning to raise money for the charity CRY and will all be taking a two-hour CPR course through the British Heart Foundation
THE BATTLE OF ECKY THUMP
In this 1975 episode of The Goodies called Kung Fu Kapers, Bill Oddie demonstrates the made-up Scottish martial art of 'Hoots-Toot-Ochaye.'
This consisted of fights with various assailants played by the other two Goodies, including two boxers, a French stick fighter and an Australian with a boomerang. He wins by cunningly hitting them over the head with a black pudding.
He meets his match when Tim Brooke-Taylor takes him on armed with the bagpipes. However, Tim loses after he is hit over the head by the returning boomerang thrown earlier by the Australian. Oddie celebrates his victory after it's announced by the umpire.
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Another article about the solution to the medical mystery of Alex Mitchell, who died laughing at the Goodies, this time from The Telegraph. This article includes a response to the news from Tim Brooke-Taylor.
The article appears online at the following URL:
Here's a cut & paste of the text from the online version of the article:
Man who died laughing at Goodies had Long QT syndrome
When Alex Mitchell collapsed and died while watching an episode of the Goodies in 1975, the manner of his demise passed into comedy legend.
By Anita Singh, Showbusiness Editor
7:00AM BST 21 Jun 2012
The bricklayer from King's Lynn, Norfolk was said to have guffawed so hard at the BBC sketch show that his heart gave out. Decades on, doctors have established that he really did die laughing.
Cardiologists believe Mr Mitchell suffered from a rare heart rhythm disorder, Long QT syndrome, which can induce cardiac arrest when triggered by exertion or adrenaline. They came to the conclusion after his granddaughter, Lisa Corke, was diagnosed with the syndrome.
Mrs Corke, 23, suffered a cardiac arrest at her home last month and was saved by her husband administering life-saving CPR before the ambulance arrived.
Once admitted to hospital, tests showed that Long QT syndrome was hereditary
on her father's side.
Mrs Corke said: "My granddad died one of the most famous strange deaths. I think at the time they probably thought he suffered a heart attack caused by the laughter but doctors realised he died from a cardiac arrest caused by LQT syndrome after examining me.
"His death has been talked about for years and made all the papers at the time. I never knew him but it's strange to think we both had this life-threatening condition."
The curious case of Mr Mitchell made headlines after he settled down to watch The Goodies on March 24, 1975.
The 'Kung Fu Capers' episode featured Bill Oddie as a blackbelt in 'Ecky Thump' - a little-known Lancastrian martial art which involved belting opponents with black pudding. Tim Brooke-Taylor played a Scotsman who defended himself with a set of bagpipes.
According to his wife Nessie, Mr Mitchell, 50, was in stitches throughout the episode then "gave a tremendous belly laugh, slumped on the sofa and died". She later sent a letter to the Goodies thanking them for making her husband's final moments so happy.
Mrs Corke, a mother-of-two from the Isle of Sheppey in Kent, collapsed on May 4 and was clinically dead for 55 minutes. Her husband, Mick, dialled 999 and was instructed to carry out CPR. She was taken to the Medway Maritime Hospital where doctors fitted her with a defibrillator to 're-set' her heart.
She said: "It's very unusual to survive an out-of-hospital cardiac arrest, so it makes me feel very lucky.
"The doctors said Mick saved my life. It's incredible to think how lucky I have been that he was there and didn't go to pieces. Someone must be looking over us.
"I would like to thank everybody - the paramedics for not giving up. Everyone was fantastic.
"But I have to get my daughters checked for the gene to see if they too have a risk of developing LQT syndrome."
Her father, also called, Alex Mitchell, said the family remained thankful to The Goodies for the manner of the elder Mr Mitchell's demise. "He was always really cheerful and laid back, and he would have been happy to go while laughing.
"It is amazing that after all these years we have finally found out what caused his death."
Dr Iqbal Malik, consultant cardiologist and director of the Cardiac Catheter Laboratories at London's Hammersmith Hospital, said watching the Goodies was likely to have been the "trigger" for Mr Mitchell's death.
"Adrenaline, exertion or anything that creates a strong emotional response can be a trigger," Dr Malik said. "In some cases the heart re-sets itself after five or six beats, but in this case the patient was not so lucky.
"It seems they were right at the time - this man did die laughing."
After hearing Mrs Corke's story, Tim Brooke-Taylor said: "I'm so pleased something positive has come out of this story.
When Alex's wife, Nessie, originally wrote to us generously saying 'thank you for making my husband's last few moments happy ones' we didn't quite know how to react.
"I eventually said 'I am very sorry that Alex died. The only consolation is that if I died suddenly I would prefer it to happen when I was laughing at, say, Morecambe and Wise than any other way.'
"I'm incredibly impressed at Lisa's husband's reactions and treatment. Mick. you're a hero and I hope Lisa and your beautiful looking children have long and happy lives. Please also pass on my best wishes to Nessie."
Mrs Mitchell is now 86. In her 1975 letter to the Goodies, she wrote: "My last memory of my husband is looking at him and hearing his laughter at your programme."
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The story has now been picked up by BBC News and Scotland's Daily Record:
SLAPSTICK 2012
(Lisa Manekofsky – 29th Jun)
The Stand Up for Slapstick fundraiser, which was created to raise funds for running the 2013 Slapstick Festival, successfully raised more than £10,000.
The Slapstick Festival's flickr page (http://www.flickr.com/photos/slapstickfest/7447443734/ ) has a nice group photo of Boothby Graffoe, Lucy Porter, Graeme Garden, Barry Cryer, Chris Daniels, Marcus Brigstocke, Ronnie Golden and Rory Bremner at Stand Up For Slapstick.
THE GOODIES PODCAST
4. 2001 AND A BIT
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If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays. Large files (such as scans of articles or photos) for posting on the club's website can be sent to us at: groksite@gmail.com
Those of you seeking radio and tv alerts between issues of the C&G should consider signing up for the Goodies-l mailing list (more details available on the club website), as our crack (cracked?!) team of reporters attempt to post alerts as the information becomes available.
Please note: BBC RADIO SHOWS listed below can be heard online via each station's website (www.bbc.co.uk/radio4 or www.bbc.co.uk/radio4 extra) and then for a week after broadcast from the BBC iPlayer (aka Listen Again), www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer . Radio shows on the iPlayer should be available for listening worldwide.
BILL SPOTTINGS
* Bill will be appearing at the Pensthorpe Conservation Trust's environmental awareness day "Wild About the Wensum" tomorrow (Saturday, 19 May). At the event, he will launch his new online TV show aimed at children, 'Bill and Daisy's Wild World' whose goal will be to help bring families closer to animals, plants and insects.
(Lisa Manekofsky - 18th & 20th May)
* Bill Oddie's Bird Food Recipes YouTube Channel has begun posting Bill's video replies to the latest round of questions submitted via #AskBillOddie.
(Lisa Manekofsky - 18th May)
* Nintendo invites you to Another Dimension with Bill Oddie and The Saturdays
Go on a 3D photography field trip with celebrities
Nintendo are holding a series of special events this summer in which you can learn more about photography. Called Another Dimension, these events include field trips with Bill Oddie and The Saturdays and a special pop-up installation created by acclaimed artist Graham Hudson.
These Another Dimension field trips are free and open to the public, but they will be filled on first-come, first served basis, so make sure you sign up at photocomp@nintendo.co.uk .
Here are the list of confirmed field trips:
Friday 1st June : Dress Up With The Saturdays (secret location)
Wednesday 13th June: Walk With Dinosaurs With Rick Edwards (Bristol Zoo)
Thursday 14th June: Street Art Walk With Pure Evil (East London)
Friday 15th June: A Trip To The Zoo With Bill Oddie (Battersea Park Zoo, London)
(Lisa Manekofsky - 31st May)
* Bill Oddie talks about his six favorite albums in The Express in an article online at:
(Lisa Manekofsky - 16th June)
* I was in Perth last week and happened to find the 1967 version of The Plank (starring Eric Sykes and Tommy Cooper) on DVD for $5 in the ABC Shop there. It includes a short scene with a very youthful-looking Bill Oddie.
(Daniel Bowen – 14th Jul)
It's on YouTube here:
I am watching it now. I thought I heard Bill Oddie's voice in the laughing in the opening. (??)
(Stephen Oakes – 14th Jul)
(Lisa Manekofsky – 20th Jul)
GRAEME SPOTTINGS
* Radio & TV shows:
- 'The Long Hot Satsuma' – BBC Radio 4 Extra – (Repeat) - June
* Network DVD has updated the webpage for "Astronauts: The Complete Series" to show a 9 July 2012 release date. "Astronauts" was a television series written by Graeme Garden & Bill Oddie which aired from 1981-1983.
(Lisa Manekofsky - 5th June)
"The Unbelievable Truth", the show produced by Graeme Garden's Random Entertainment, will be recording shows at the 2012 Edinburgh Fringe on August 13th
(Lisa Manekofsky - 16th June)
TIM SPOTTINGS
* Please note that the "Hello Cheeky" DVD (with Tim Brooke-Taylor, Barry Cryer, John Junkin, and Denis King) will only be available until 13 January 2012 (due to licensing issues).
(Lisa Manekofsky - 5th June)
2nd Oct 2012 : G Live (Guildford) - https://glive.co.uk/online/default.asp. Tickets are on sale from http://tinyurl.com/9latcze or by calling the box office on 0844 7701 797
(Lisa Manekofsky - 7th Aug)
(Lisa Manekofsky - 12th Aug)
I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE (ISIHAC) and
I'M SORRY I'LL READ THAT AGAIN (ISIRTA)
* Radio shows:
- 'ISIHAC'– Series 57 (New) - June
- 'ISIRTA' – BBC Radio 4 Extra – (Repeat) – June & July
* Starting right now, ISIRTA is available in weekly reruns on at the BBC Radio 4 Extra web site.
They are starting with Series 2 (or Series 1 for those folks who refer to the first series as "preliminary"). Unfortunately, they are once again playing the shortened TS versions, not the restored full-length versions they received from Keith Wickham.
(Kimba W. Lion – 16th Jun)
* Thanks to Andrew Williams for these news items:
For those who may have missed it, "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" Volume 14 was released on 29 March 2012.
According to Amazon (at http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1408427303/ ): "These are four more extended episodes from the award-winning BBC Radio 4 series specially compiled by producer Jon Naismith. This thirteenth collection of the antidote to panel games finds Jack Dee giving regular panellists Tim Brooke-Taylor, Barry Cryer and Graeme Garden silly things to do - along with special guests Jeremy Hardy, Sandi Toksvig, Rob Brydon and David Mitchell. Highlights include "Uxbridge English Dictionary", "One Song to the Tune of Another", "Sound Charades", "Historical Voicemail", "Bankers' Film Club", "Sound Effects Storytime", "Party Guests", "84 Chicken Cross Road", "Trail of the Lonesome Pun", "Greetings Cards", "Unseen Prequels" and, of course, "Mornington Crescent". So get ready to laugh out loud as the gang indulge in more wonderful wordplay, accompanied by Colin Sell on the piano and the lovely Samantha, who's always ready for a quick score. "Risky, rude, brilliantly written and superbly performed". (The Judges, Sony Radio Academy Awards).
(Lisa Manekofsky – 7th Aug)
5. FEATURE ARTICLE
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(contributed by Lisa Manekofsky)
'ASSAULTED NUTS'
The following article appeared in the TVTimes issue dated 23 February – 1 March 1985.
Blushing Tim cracks it as a nut
by Malcolm Macallister Hall
As one of the gang of talented comics who emerged with formidable degrees from Oxford of Cambridge in the Sixties, Tim Brooke-Taylor muses occasionally on the strange hand life has dealt him.
'There are moments, such as when I'm standing in the middle of some High Street dressed as a rabbit, when I say to myself, "I've not only got a degree, but I'm an honorary Doctor of Laws. What am I doing, hopping down this High Street in floppy ears and a fluffy tail?"'
A genial and youthful-looking 44, Tim Brooke-Taylor long ago gave up looking for a sensible answer. But he does know that even years of buffoonery with Graeme Garden and Bill Oddie in "The Goodies" hasn't quite cured him of blushing at the embarrassments of his profession.
On ITV with Richards O'Sullivan for a second series of "Me & My Girl", he bravely appeared in one episode as a turkey. But guaranteed to raises the 'squirm-factor' even higher is Channel Four's "Assaulted Nuts", the anarchic, off-the-wall sketch show which he describes cautiously as 'quite a bit ruder than "The Goodies"'. Among his co-stars is the dazzlingly pretty – and pretty provocative – Cleo Rocos. Schooled in Kenny Everett's shows, she appears regularly in flimsy underwear. But the awful truth is that Tim Brooke-Taylor, who also hosts ITV's "The Fame Game", appears in flimsy underwear, too.
'It was incredibly embarrassing – and it wasn't a pretty sight,' he grins. 'In one sketch I have to go into a shop and whip off my coat to reveal frilly French knickers and suspenders. That was a horrendous moment – I wanted the set cleared when we were filming it so that I'd look a complete fool in front of as few people as possible. However, the medieval vasectomy sketch was even worse.'
For this barbaric operation, the hapless Brooke-Taylor was required to stand, back to camera, with his medieval trousers round his ankles, while a knight on a charger rushed towards him, a lance aimed at his unprotected nether regions. 'He got within inches!' recalls Brooke-Taylor with a subdued shriek. 'It was very, very frightening indeed, and it was also a very cold day. There I was, standing in a park outside London with my trousers down. There were some very blue cheeks around that day, I can tell you!'
These, though, are merely the latest in a long line of indignities and terrors which Tim Brooke-Taylor has suffered in the name of comedy. 'Other people make cars or cardboard boxes for a living,' he says. "I make a fool of myself.' And for a modest, self-deprecating and essentially shy, ex-Cambridge law student, that hasn't always been easy to cope with.
He was intending to become a lawyer, until lured into the unrelated field of satire by the glow of the Cambridge Footlights. He had been born in Buxton, Derbyshire, into a family which had produced a long line of solicitors. 'We'd all been lawyers for so long that I felt it was high time one of us wasn't.' he says. Among his Oxbridge contemporaries were some of the brainy stalwarts of English comedy and satire – John Cleese, Michael Palin, Eric Idle, Bill Oddie, Graeme Garden and Graham Chapman. Between them, they're qualified to take out your appendix, defend you in court, and give you a lecture on history.
Appearing first on television in "On the Braden Beat" in the Sixties, he went on to "At Last the 1948 Show", with John Cleese, Graham Chapman and Marty Feldman, and scored an early high mark in the silliness stakes when he played Feldman's wife in the TV comedy show "Marty". 'It sounds stupid,' he says, 'but being basically a shy person you've just to to throw yourself into it and try not to worry.'
At home in Berkshire, with his wife Christine, can be found two of his sternest critics – his sons Ben, 15, and Edward, 13.
"They loved "Assaulted Nuts" – but occasionally I do feel quite sorry for them,' he admits. 'What I get up to is embarrassing for them sometimes, and they certainly tell me in no uncertain terms - often, they're quite right!' But in the hazardous and nerve-racking business of comedy – 'if you fail, you really fail' – his family, he says, is his principal prop.
"They're very supportive of me – they get hurt if I'm criticized, and Ben and Edward know I'm vulnerable. If I'm a bit bad-tempered, they realise that it's because I'm nervous and worried about a show. Christine is very good at building my morale; because I'm still constantly amazed that I can make anybody laugh at all. So my family is a very precious support – and I hope, in turn, I'm supportive to them'.
His very first meeting with Christine was conducted in typically Goodies fashion. Spotting her on an Alpine ski slope, he decided that the surest way to meet her was to crash into her and knock her over. 'So we bumped into each other, and we've been slipping around happily ever since.' he says.
As a more day-to-day respite from being very silly, he plays cricket and golf; both for recreation and for charity. He also describes himself as a 'lifelong fan and ex-director' of Derby County Football Club.
'I adore cricket, too – though after poor Lennie Bennett had his teeth knocked out I'm a bit frightened of it. I think golf is safer. As least the ball doesn't come towards you. Although, I must admit that in my case it sometimes doesn't even go away from me. I'm afraid I can be pretty silly almost anywhere – and that includes the golf course.'
6. A COLLECTION OF GOODIES THEMES #23
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(by Brett Allender)
GRAEME'S COMPUTER
The 1970s heydays of 'The Goodies' were still very early times for computer technology; with the proliferation of personal home computers still the best part of a decade or more away and the portable technology boom of today still very much the stuff of science fiction. Like any self-respecting loony scientist though, Graeme is right up to speed with the technology of the day, so from the very first episode onwards he is the proud possessor of a state-of-the-art computer that is the size of a bookcase (and about as portable as Graeme's pocket movie camera from 'The Movies' episode, though it does become mobile at times!) with a plethora of buttons, multiple tape spools and a continuous paper or ticket-style printout of information depending on the circumstances.
The computer is put to use by Graeme in many and varied situations during the run of the show to solve problems, act as a video screen, do complex calculations, compose music and, most memorably, to be his love interest in one unforgettable episode! For its part, the computer rarely lets Graeme down – even if it does come up with some rather interesting solutions and several spectacular explosions in the process.
In the first Goodies episode, 'Beefeaters', the Goodies need to determine the identity of the culprit who holds a grudge against the Beefeaters and is stealing the beef from the Tower of London. Tim and Bill surmise that it is either bulls (as "no bull likes getting eaten") or poultry farmers (who stand to gain from the Beefeaters' forced change of diet), but Graeme scoffs that these suggestions are "nonsense" and feeds a beef sandwich to his computer (which raises Tim's ire over the "poor starving little Beefeaters" even more) in search of a "logically computed answer", only for it to come up with same suspects of "bulls and poultry farmers", much to Tim's smug satisfaction.
Shortly afterwards, while sucking on the lemon sherbet that his Granny gave him, Bill starts hallucinating and having visions with "incredible insight" (according to Tim) so Graeme hooks Bill up to the computer so that these visions can be seen by him and Tim as well. Bill's first ecstatic visions are of a topless model (which draws an annoyed "Keep sucking, you fool!" from Graeme), followed by a fleeting glimpse of Jimmy Savile (betraying Bill's desire to appear on 'Top of the Pops'); however a rebus then appears for Tim and Graeme to solve, which reveals a plot to steal the Crown Jewels by firstly starving the Beefeaters in order to gain easier access to the Tower of London.
Bill's lemon sherbet hallucinations account for much of the use of Graeme's computer as a prop in the first series, with the computer also screening Bill's visions in 'Give Police A Chance' and 'Playgirl Club'. In 'Give Police A Chance', the Goodies are desperately trying to think of ways to change the brutal image of the police force (before Deputy Commissioner Butcher returns to belt them up!) and Tim desperately asks Graeme "Have you got nothing out of the computer?" Graeme replies "Yes I have.", then adds with a resigned air "I've got nothing out of the computer." Bill retreats from the impending police brutality via another lemon sherbet fix (as Graeme says "He's tuned in and dropped off. He doesn't want to know. He's rejected society. He's escaped to a better world.") but his visions via the computer screen of a "pleasing effect" of a kaleidoscopic pattern on the screen and an image of Tony Blackburn (to which Butcher angrily barks "Who's that poof?!") eventually lead to one of a "laughing policeman" which furthers the plot and allows the Goodies to become peace-loving hippy cops on the beat.
'Playgirl Club' also sees Bill hooked up to the computer with lemon sherbet in hand so that he can home in on whatever Tim is up to after three whole weeks without trace inside the exclusive sexy Playgirl Club. After more pretty psychedelic patterns and another glimpse of Tony Blackburn, an image appears of Tim still in drag ( as a turned off Bill comments: "Ooh, I don't fancy that one!) and clambering in among a bevy of beautiful girls before a "censored" sign covers the screen, which leads on to Bill and Graeme becoming Wolves (the male equivalent of Bunnies) so that they can infiltrate the club themselves.
Bill is having a challenging game of chess with Graeme in Series 2 episode 'The Commonwealth Games' and he reckons that he has Graeme's measure until Graeme consults with his computer and returns with the winning move. Bill warns Graeme that "Your Queen is in danger" if he places it where the computer has told him to, but Graeme scoffs and proceeds with the move, only for Bill to flatten the Queen with a hefty whack from a mallet in sheer frustration.
Graeme also consults his computer in the next episode, 'Pollution', where after the government claims in the news bulletin that "there is no cause for alarm" from increasing pollution levels, the computer calculates that the world could be uninhabitable "by next Monday". This is of great concern to Tim as the Test match doesn't conclude until Tuesday!
At the start of 'The Lost Tribe', the Goodies' office is freezing because of Graeme's failed attempts to get a nuclear generator heater working, so he seeks his computer's assistance only for it to make a nice hot cup of tea as its solution to the heating crisis. A semi-impressed Bill remarks "You can tell that's a British computer, can't you?!", but even the hot cuppa promptly ices up as well in the deep freeze-like conditions.
The computer is also called on in 'The Music Lovers' to provide the backing music when Bill (on electric guitar), Graeme (on piano) and Tim (playing his hot triangle!) perform the ripping version of 'Land of Hope and Glory' in a bid to be stolen so that they can find out who has been stealing the real musicians from throughout Britain. Unfortunately their plan doesn't quite succeed as only Tim's two pretty glee singers are carted off by the thugs, so presumably the computer's musical efforts "ain't good enough" either, along with those of the three Goodies!
Graeme is away from his office and regular computer in 'Farm Fresh Food', but he unveils his 'Yummy Meter' computer (a strange-looking contraption with a thick-lipped mouth at the top of a pipe) at Uncle Tom's farm and sacrifices a perfectly good piece of steak by letting the meter eat it just to prove his bleedingly obvious scientific theory that the farm food is no good by comparison. This in turn causes a ravenous Bill to flip his wig and attempt to sink his teeth into a horrid-tasting battery chicken after more than four days of starvation.
Perhaps the most famous episode containing the computer is Series 2's 'Free To Live' in which Graeme finds that his evening is ruined after Tim (in a maid's uniform) scares away his hot date Tottie and they have a heated row before Graeme ultimately tells Tim that "If I wanted an intelligent conversation, I'd rather talk to my computer!" After Tim stalks out in a huff there is a close-up of Graeme enjoying a candlelit dinner in the office and intimately chatting to a woman out of view who has a deep sexy voice, only for the camera to pan back and reveal that Graeme's hot new date is actually his computer! Graeme has installed a voice box in his computer and he finds his true love at last, as they share a romantic evening of "algorithmic progressions" and "quadratic equations" together over a candlelight dinner.
Barbara calls around to the office to pick up Bill as Graeme and his computer join them for an outing and the four lovebirds go on a romantic jaunt through the woods and in a playground. Bill and Barbara bound towards each other with arms outstretched only to overshoot and each crash into a tree, while Graeme skips arm-in-arm with his computer and clicks his heels with delight. Graeme also gives his computer a push on the swing (only to get flattened when he gets in the way) and a ride in a gondola while the two happy couples play leapfrog (another spectacular tumble for Graeme) and skip along the path together in lovestruck bliss. Bill and Barbara pash together on the grass and in the bushes (with Bill even stopping temporarily to clean the camera lens that they have steamed up!) but Graeme and his computer thankfully just settle for a steamy kiss before the lovebirds announce plans for a double wedding the very next day.
Tim finds that his cases have been packed for him as there will no longer be room for him in the Goodies' office and he crossly tells Graeme "As for you, the whole neighbourhood is talking about you and THAT … THAT (pointing at the computer) … it's disgusting!", only for Graeme to reply "It is not, it's beautiful! Anyway I've read the 'Plain Man's Guide To British Law' and they can't touch you for it!" However Tim is sufficiently appalled by the impending marriages to vow to put a stop to proceedings and he succeeds in doing so by rocking up at the double wedding in the guise of a Women's Lib protester to disrupt the ceremony (after Graeme's bride-to-be has arrived fashionably late in a Southern Electronics Transport Company van with her white labcoat-clad attendants) with a raucous soapbox speech condemning the drudgery of married life.
This commotion by Tim (with equally noisy backing from a reformed Bill) ultimately convinces Graeme not to tie the knot and he orders his future wife's attendants to "Take her away!", while Bill adds "And her!" as he orders Barbara's removal as well, only for Tim to be collared by Barbara's father who is impressed by such a headstrong speech ("We've got the church, we've got the vicar and now, By God, we're going to have a wedding!"), forcing Tim and the other Goodies to make a dash for the freedom of single life aboard the trandem.
The special 'A Collection of Goodies' episode at the end of Series 2 has Graeme consulting his computer on multiple occasions to verify the seemingly dodgy claims that Tim is making as tax deductions. In particular, Tim's claim for "a hundred weight of oats" causes Graeme to scurry to his computer as he can't recall any such purchase. The computer replays the classic footage of the Goodies exercising in a gymnasium and it turns out that Tim has claimed the oats for the runaway bucking pommel horse, which Bill so cruelly blasted with a rifle to stop it from terrorising Tim, who was having a wild ride on the back of it! The next claim is for "nine assorted dresses, three bras and eight pairs of cammy knickers", to which Graeme tells Tim that he can't claim for them because "You'll get arrested!" Bill remarks "That wouldn't be a bad idea. At least you get fed in prison.", but the computer is again consulted to reveal that the gear was used by Pan's Grannies in a very groovy performance for Englebert and the Older Generation. The computer also gives a reminder of Tim's next claim for "15 babies bottles and 15 nappies", which leads into the footage of the Goodies Baby Service where a busy Mum takes a rest while Bill throws 15 babies (out of a standard sized pram!) to Tim, who props them all up on Graeme's super-extendable leg.
Upon the return of the triumphant Goodies to London in Series 3's 'Winter Olympics' after they have melted the ice at the North Pole in order to be competitive in the sports events, Graeme realises that the Goodies have left their sun ray lamp still dangling from the butterfly and starts to panic about the rise in global sea levels from the melting of the ice cap. While Tim and Bill are rather dismissive of this fact (reckoning that the sea will only rise by "a couple of inches."), the explosion of Graeme's computer while it calculates the rise in sea level and Graeme's horrified cry of "It can't rise by THAT much!" paint a much bleaker picture. A knock at the window of the office reveals the fully-submerged Minister of Sport holding his breath underwater outside as Britain has been completely engulfed by the melted polar ice.
In Series 3 episode 'Way Outward Bound', Tim returns from a brisk morning jog to find Bill and Graeme barely awake at the breakfast table and demands that they do their early morning exercises, which have been programmed into Graeme's computer. While Tim energetically throws himself into his workout, Graeme and Bill sneak away and speed up the music to the extent that the computer spits paper everywhere and blows a gasket, while Tim collapses on the floor in exhaustion. An annoyed Tim asks "What did you do that for?!", to which an amused Bill simply replies "Fun!"
'The Stone Age' again sees Graeme parted from his trusty computer when he and his fellow Goodies are trapped inside the stomach of a prehistoric Tyrannosaurus rex in a deep pothole below their Cricklewood office. Bill and Tim soon reach the point of utter boredom (as Bill notes that there is "surprisingly little to do in a stomach") so they indulge in a hotly-disputed game of verbal football while Graeme uses a skull as an improvised computer to work on an escape plan from their predicament.
The latter series of The Goodies don't tend to make as much use of an office-based setting, so the computer doesn't get used as a prop as frequently as it was in the earlier series. However there are still several instances where the computer earns its keep in Series 5 and beyond, such as in 'Wacky Wales' where Graeme has programmed it to produce the Goodies' entry for the eisteddfod that they will be attending on the Welsh island of Llan dlubber. The Goodies practice their harmonious 3-part folk song, but Tim quickly cans it ("What a load of rubbish!") before the Goodies head off on the trandem for their not-so-fun trip to Wales.
The computer produces another memorable explosion in 'Scatty Safari' when Graeme sets it the tricky task of calculating the number of rampantly-breeding Rolf Harrises that infest Britain in plague proportions after the escape of the breeding pair and Little Rolf from the Goodies Safari Park (thanks to a jealous Des O'Connor!) The smoke-belching computer calculates that there will be 25 million Rolfs by Christmas; a figure backed up by Tim (who comments "That's exactly what Enoch (Powell) says. He's off to live in Jamaica!") which also prompts an urgent proclamation from a certain anonymous Queen that "to whomsoever can rid my land of this plague of Rolf Harrises, I will give the hand of my eldest son in marriage … and 1000 OBEs!"
At the start of Series 6 episode 'Hype Pressure', Bill complains that he feels "so tired" from his writer's block and he yearns to recapture the" muse that brought me the poetry" of 'Black Pudding Bertha', but his line of thought is merely greeted with cutting sarcasm by Graeme ("Eat your heart out Lord Byron! Move over Percy Bysshe! The Poet Laureate rules OK!") Bill continues to lament that he seeks to "recapture the merest smidgeon of inspiration" that produced the 'Funky Gibbon', only for Graeme to sarcastically ask "And who wrote it?! My computer wrote that. My computer!" Graeme calls out "C'mon, give me an ooo!" and his computer (with lights flashing and tape reels spinning) dutifully utters "Oooo!", so a downcast Bill decides to "give up music" … and "become a folk singer" instead!
The next two instances of Graeme's computer in storylines are both indirect references, but one is a classic quote and the other forms part of a very amusing sequence. In '2001 and a Bit', and ancient Tim tells his "right little crawler" son Bill Brooke-Taylor that Bill Oddie had been fired 25 years ago because "he kept biting people" and he then comments that Bill O's departure was followed soon after by Graeme Garden ("Tim's father") - "I'm afraid he went a couple of years later. He was put away for having an unnatural relationship with his computer!" Also in 'Scoutrageous', Tim is in the midst of dealing with the two masked Scouts who are systematically destroying his scouting gear (including his "nicely proportioned hat", "simply splendid Scout staff" and "soft soaking shorts") while they demand a payment from him for "500 quid-a-job week". After he has unsuccessfully offered them "a bob" to go away, Tim tries to fob the masked Scouts off by offering them some other items of value from the office - "You can have Graeme's computer and Bill's binoculars – they won't miss them!") – which unsurprisingly fails to appease them. Tim is finally forced to hand over the 500 pounds in cash to the masked Scouts when his" shiny shoes" are threatened with a Brillo pad.
In 'U-Friend or UFO', Graeme locates the alien ship as a "little green splodge" on his computer screen and later witnesses a game of outer-space tennis on his computer between Bill and the spaceship (with Supernun being belted around as the human tennis ball) in the style of an original Atari arcade video game.
The changeover of The Goodies to ITV brings with it a new and more upright computer model for Graeme, and one that is quite mobile in the two episodes that it appears in. At the start of 'Robot', Graeme and Tim analyse the rather disappointing end-of-year profits and expenses statements from the computer, and decide that "there is only one thing for it … Bill, you're fired!" Bill is naturally rather shocked by this snap decision, but Graeme rationalises it by saying that his computer suggests to "reduce our manpower by one-third" as the urgent solution to the Goodies' financial woes.
Towards the end of the episode when Bill eventually dispenses with his Nanny Helga disguise, he and Tim make a stirring speech which denounces robots for ruining the country and being useless compared to humans and demand that they all should be destroyed ("melt down C3PO and K9!" … "R2D2 for scrap metal!"), to Graeme's worried concern. This speech causes the robot to order "OK lads, all out!" and all of the electrical appliances in the office go out on strike, including Graeme's computer, which sandwiches Tim at one point as he gives chase. The computer is one of several machines that charges at Tim from multiple directions, though Tim is able to escape by using a large magnet to lift himself up to a girder on a crane as the machines collide in a fiery crash below. Graeme's computer is wrecked on impact, but he is able to replace it (and the various other ruined machines) by cloning multiple copies of Bill to do the work instead.
In 'Change of Life' Graeme feeds the Goodies' individual characteristics into his computer for it to select their own appropriately groovy new images and also to set up their hot dates. However the Goodies get quite a shock when their "ideal mates" turn out to be three old grannies who run them ragged as they drag the Goodies into a pub, over to a cinema to watch the 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' and then into a disco, before the old dears take off with three young bikies and leave the Goodies gasping for breath in their wake. Later in the episode, the computer plays a much more significant role when the Goodies have to "press the red button" on it in order to perform the 'Goodies Standard Test' (along with the robot) to prove that they are "still capable of carrying on as Goodies".
The computer issues the instructions for the test in a deep slow voice (with practical advice such as "mind the wires … and don't go too far to the left, stupid boys!") as the Goodies take a trip down memory lane to recreate some of their greatest moments (with lots of amusing in-jokes) such as Kitten Kong, Ecky Thump and Tim's patriotic speeches. Graeme's computer also keeps track of the scores and announces at the end that the robot has 53 points while the Goodies end up with a combined total of 54 points (Tim 24, Graeme 28 and Bill 2!) to win a very familiar job (3 Goodies wanted at the BBC!) which has already been snaffled by a trio of robots aboard the trandem.
In the 2005 special 'Return of the Goodies', Tim remarks "I still can't remember what we did" and Graeme laments "If only the BBC had left us a tape … here's one!" and holds up a tape that is marked 'Not to be played before Christmas 2005'. Graeme goes to pop the tape into his "laptop" (his gigantic old 1970s computer), only to find that "it's not compatible", so he decides that he will "give it an upgrade" by bashing the tape into the slot using a big mallet, which leads into the next series of Goodies clips and interviews.
Also in the 'Return of the Goodies', the three Goodies are looking at cardboard cut-outs of themselves from the 1970s and after Tim's statement that he was the "dashing debonair babe magnet" of the trio is quickly shot down by Bill ("No, you were the flaxen haired fop with the double-barrelled trousers and the Union Jack underpants!"), Graeme boldly makes the claim that "*I* was the dashing, debonair babe magnet!" Tim quickly objects that "No, you were not! You were the loony scientist with the computer and the glasses and the guinea pigs crawling up your chops! Ooh and you were a megalomaniac!", which is probably a far more accurate description than the one that Graeme provides of himself (though Graeme's band of dedicated groupie girls among the GROK fan club membership will no doubt beg to disagree with me!)
Website article and photo gallery:
7. GOODIES WORD PUZZLE
**********************
(by Brett Allender)
This puzzle consists of a series of Goodies clues to solve, with the highlighted letter from each horizontal answer forming a vertical solution. The letters of the solution then need to be unscrambled and the 3 words rearranged to form the end solution (5, 5 & 4 letters), which is an unusual recipe from an episode in Series 2.
The information to solve the clues can be found in my Goodies Episode Summaries in the Articles/Guides section of the website if there are episodes listed that you are unfamiliar with. One letter has also been provided for each clue to assist with the solving of the puzzle.
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CLUES:
1. (6 letters)
The rabbits call out repeatedly for this wildlife presenter (Animals)
2. (7 letters)
These animals are sent to round up Bill & Tim (Invasion of the Moon Creatures)
3. (6, 5 letters)
Bill enters this Eurovision contest (Cunning Stunts)
4. (9 letters)
Witch Hazel originally wanted to be one of these (That Old Black Magic)
5. (5, 6 letters)
The name of the boat containing the pirate radio station (Radio Goodies)
6. (5, 2, 3 letters)
The only bunny talk that humans understand (Invasion Of The Moon Creatures)
7. (5, 7 letters)
Nearly all of the items on the hotel menu consist of this (Winter Olympics)
8. (3, 8 letters)
One of Bill & Graeme's scouting badges (Scoutrageous)
9. (5, 5 letters)
Tim threatens to take this organization over (Way Outward Bound)
10. (4, 7 letters)
Tim's role in the Goodie's movie (The Movies)
11. (5, 7 letters)
A not-so-tough mock ad from the episode Kitten Kong
12. (4, 3 letters)
The aftershave that sends Tim into a karate frenzy (It Might As Well Be String)
13. (10 letters)
William and …? sing a song of flowers (Hype Pressure)
14. (7, 5 letters)
The tourism office is sending unwary visitors on these (South Africa)
8. GOODIES WORD FINDER SOLUTION
*******************************
From C&G 192:
21 unused letters - a solution of six words (1, 4, 2, 3, 5 & 6 letters) from 'Radio Goodies' - clue: "Radio Goodies hit parade"
A Walk In The Black Forest
9. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
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(a) Graeme (as Kerry Thwacker)
(b) Joan Collins
(c) A Kick In The Arts (the Olympics episode)
(d) Plankton
(e) Nobel Prize chemists
(f) Concrete
(g) A Yummy Meter
(h) A pie
YOUR SCORE:
8 Mastermind Of The Year
7 Goodies fan supreme
5-6 Clever clogs
3-4 Goody Goody effort
1-2 Time to watch some more episodes
0 Are you sure you're not Rolf Harris?!
NEXT C&G QUARTERLY EDITION:
- #194: 12th November 2012
Updated to C&G 185 (April 2011)
*******************************************************************************
The Goodies Fan Club Clarion and Globe is copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 2012. All rights reserved.
Permission to reproduce this work or any section of it, in any form must first be obtained from the copyright holders.
For further information regarding this publication please e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>.
For other general enquiries about the 'Goodies Rule - OK' fan club or 'The Goodies' itself, please e-mail enquiries@goodiesruleok.com
TO OBTAIN THIS NEWSLETTER IN WORD DOCUMENT FORM:
E-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> requesting transfer to the Word mailing list.
******************************************************************************
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