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GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW #42
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(from C&G 171 - Feb 2010)
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MELODY FARM
Hi there pop pickers and welcome to another Goodies Music Review.
WHO?
When we last left our intrepid music reviewers Emperor Caligula (aka Brett Allender) and Peaches Stiletto (aka Linda Kay) they were still making a vein, er … vain attempt to escape into the lingering haze away from the a-snort-ment of terrible dope-related puns that they weeded out for their reviews of I Wish I Could Get High. The Emperor huffed and puffed and snorted and sniffed and ultimately managed to leap up high in the air, but only because he'd accidentally put the lit end of the joint in his mouth and needed a quick shot of Coke (bubbles up the nose and all!) to quell the burning sensation (or quite possibly, even add to it!) Talk about making a hash of things – that's his new career as a juana-be hippy gone to pot at lightning speed.
Meanwhile Peaches decided to reach her high through musical means, but found that none of the Doobie Brothers, Rolling Stoned, Doctor Hookah or Fine Young Cannabis would do the trick, so she instead hit on the ultimate high note from certain young lady who the Goodies left locked up at the Music Master's hideout as her means of turning on, tuning in and dropping out while everybody else are blocking their ears in agony. So before she decides that she's "goona poonish" us by coming over and totally wrecking our office we'll quickly cross out to the countryside and your dung-splattered DJs with their music review of "MELODY FARM" by The Goodies.
WHERE? WHEN?
"Melody Farm" can be heard on the 70s albums "The Goodies Beastly Record" and "The Goodies Greatest Hits"
WHAT?
Lyrics: sung by all three Goodies
(Yee-hah, yippee etc)
Everyone agrees a little country music, is what we love to hear today
Once you get the beat you can never lose it, and animals are born that way
Well I know a farm where they keep the beasts, in their natural state
From the day they're born would you believe, they all can syncopate
The geese all sing, the cows all swing
They even got a donkey that can croon like Bing
Now the hens are hummin' along like a charm
Down on Melody Farm
Grab the dancing shoes, hear the news
They got a one-eyed turkey that can sing the blues
The sheep are shufflin' and it's getting' warm
Down on Melody Farm
They groove, their hooves, stompin' out on the floor
Just dig, that pig, y'all
Righty-oh-yo
The chicks all cluck, start to cook
To the detonating rhythm of the dancing duck
Oh the pigs are pumpin', blowin' up a storm
Down on Melody Farm
Yee-hah! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Constance the singing chicken …
[clucking to rhythm]
A big hand now for that Welsh sheepdog Spot The Tune and those hounds of music, the Bark Chorale
[barking to rhythm]
When they, start to play, mice come out of their holes (eek eek)
Ducks flip, let 'er rip, and they sing … (quack quack quack)
Let me hear it now for Clara Sugaretta's cow on bass (yee-hah), Melham the yodelling cockerel (yee-hoo) and four hoofs in harmony, Julian the tap-dancing horse (yee-hah)
[mooing, crowing, tapping and neighing to rhythm] (Yay)
Cats all meet, beat their feet
You never heard an animal sing so sweet
The joint is jumpin' and it's gettin' warm
Down on Melody, down on Melody, down on Melody (eek baa woof meow)
Down on Melody Farm (Yee-hoo)
WHY?
(Peaches Stiletto):
There's no doubt the Goodies were ahead of their time . . . and this song proves it! Organic farming is all the rage these days, with free-range chickens (imagine, giving chickens free stoves of their own!), crop rotation (okay, you string beans, allemande right!) and green manure (just how many peas must one eat to achieve *that*??) Well, what's more natural than music? And the animals of the Goodies Melody Farm are free to sing and dance to their hooves content. Farm-iliarity breeds contentment, and content animals are tasty animals! Singing for your supper is out . . . singing *with* your supper is in! If the critters are going to end up served with fritters, let 'em put on a show before they go! And while today's organic farmers might prefer folk songs (Kum-bah-ya), the Goodies also somehow predicted the resurgence of country music. And what a brilliant marketing potential we have here! It could usher in a whole new phase of environmentally-sound, wholesome organic down home entertainment! Square dancing isn't just for squares any more; now even the most progressive environmentalist can do-so-do something to help save the planet and shake a hoof while reaching their lofty goals! Just imagine stars like Billy Goat Cyrus, Carrie Udderwood, Chris LeMoo, Waylon Hen-nings, Sammy Cowshaw, Hay Walker and, of course, the Dixie Chicks. Farm Aid, here we come!
(Emperor Caligula):
Old MacDonald may well have had a famous farm that has been immortalised in nursery rhyme song, but the good folks of Melody Farm have b-ranched out and ploughed all their moo-lah into a singing goldmine of unrivalled animal talent, barn none. From the sty-lish pumpin' pigs to the syncopating shufflin' sheep, they sure know how to at-tractor lot of attention with their cultivated choraling. The crooning donkey also no doubt keeps everyone in the farmyard entertained with stock Bing Crosby tunes such as "White Christm-ass", "I Heard The Bells On Christm-ass Bray", "Muleburn", "Don't Fence Me In" and "Thanks Fodder Memories", not to mention the Sinatra classic "Eeyore-k, Eeyore-k". However it's the frequent references to things getting warm that might just cause this musical menagerie to come a crop-per as the mass of methane and CO2 generated from their hopping, bopping and gyrating seems to be rapidly accelerating global warming and the destruction of the ozone layer. If Old Farmer Joe decides to reduce Melody Farm's carbon footprint by cranking up his spit roast and filling up his freezer, then the farmyard choir might wind up like Bill in The End: "Am I getting warm?" "You soon will be!" Eek baa woof meow … pass the mint jelly and the barbecue sauce please! "Mmmm, fill your tum, sing yum yum yum, it's spring spring spring" – that's one Goodies song that's definitely not part of the animal's repertoire if they can avoid it!
HOW!
Using the Black Pudding Rating System:
IIII Officially Amazing (Peaches Stiletto)
III 1/2 Amazingly Goody (Emperor Caligula)
THE BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM
IIIII - Superstar.
IIII - Officially Amazing.
III - Goody Goody Yum Yum.
II - Fair-y Punkmother.
I - Tripe on t' Pikelets.
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