Index
» June 2009
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* THE GOODIES FAN CLUB CLARION AND GLOBE *
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* THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK!' *
Issue No. 163 12th June 2009
THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G
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EDITOR
ACE REPORTER:
- Lisa Manekofsky
GOODIES MUSIC REVIEWER
- Linda Kay
C&G CONTRIBUTORS:
- Raymond, Daniel Bowen, Anthony Volpi, Stephen Oakes, Edna
CONTENTS
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1. QUIZ & QUOTE - Goodies brainteasers for you and you and you
2. BOFFO IDEAS - The latest club news and happenings
3. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.
4. 2001 AND A BIT - Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.
5. GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW #39: Elephant Joke Song
6. GOODIES WORD FINDER
7. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
1. QUIZ & QUOTE
***************
(by "Magnus Magnesium")
QUOTE: "This machine can do everything that Bill does. On the other hand, it has its compensations!"
(a) Which Goody says this quote?
(b) Which machine is he referring to?
(c) Which episode is this quote from?
QUIZ: This month's questions are from the episode "Saturday Night Grease"
(d) What is Graeme's rationale for wearing a pink frilly dress and hat when going out dancing with the others?
(e) What is the name of Bill's exclusive new disco venue?
(f) And which two celebrities are refused entry to it?
(g) Which duet do Tim Revolta and Olivia Newton Grayboots perform together?
(h) What sort of dance do the Goodies and police do through the carwash?
The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.
2. BOFFO IDEAS
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You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail enquiries@goodiesruleok.com with your comments, ideas or suggestions - meanwhile these are the boffo ideas which our club has been working on this month:
WEBSITE POLLS
Last month's poll canvassed people's thoughts on where they might like to go for a well-earned Goodies-themed holiday. While all of the well-thought-out options were quite popular with potential holidaymakers, t'lure of discovering t'secret of t'ancient and mystical Lancastrian art of Ecky Thump proved to be nigh on irresistable, chucky! Grand!
Which Goodies-themed holiday adventure would you most enjoy?
- Loch Ness Monster spotting 12 votes
- visiting the Lost Island of Munga 5 votes
- going to the moon to visit Big Bunny 8 votes
- attending the Llan dlubber eisteddfod 6 votes
- attending Ecky Thump training camp 36 votes
- join a dance contest at Disco Bilius 6 votes
- a London to Brighton spacehopper bounce 4 votes
- join the Eurovision Raving Loony Contest 13 votes
- other 3 votes
- help to breed Rolf Harrises 16 votes
Total 119 votes
This time around, it's a short but sweet selection where you get to be the judge in a ding-dong battle between two of the giant animals of The Goodies. So whose corner are you in? ... Graeme's crazy creation Kitten Kong or the Chequers-wrecking monster mutt Dougal. Go to the website and cast your vote before the referee gets eaten (or ecky thumped for that matter!) Go on, you know it makes sense!
Who would win in a fight - Kitten Kong or the Giant Dougal?
- Kitten Kong
- Dougal
- They should team up against the Rolfs
3. SPOTTED!!!
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More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the Goodies recently, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! the Goodies this month:
GOODIES REPEATS
(Lisa Manekofsky – 15th May & 10th Jun)
Thursdays & Sundays - SKY NZ's New Comedy Central channel is repeating "The Goodies". (Thanks for raymond for this info!)
FACEBOOK GOODIES
(Daniel Bowen – 17th May)
For those of you on Facebook!
(Lisa Manekofsky – 18th May)
Brilliant - thanks for the pointer, Daniel!
KNICKERS!!
(Daniel Bowen – 31st May)
Just wanted to quote the start of this newspaper article about a dramatisation of Mary Whitehouse called "Filth":
"Those of us who grew up with The Goodies thought of Mary Whitehouse as a rabid figure of fun. Those who grew up without The Goodies (a) are culturally impoverished and (b) probably don't have a clue who Mary Whitehouse was. For either camp - and for those who just remember Whitehouse as Whitehouse - there's much to enjoy in Filth: The Mary Whitehouse Story, a BBC dramatisation detailing her rise from village housewife to Britain's most influential morals campaigner."
Full story:
(Anthony Volpi – 1st June)
Ah Mrs Desiree Carthorse in the Film Company episode as well as Mary Whitehouse as the hooker in the Festival Of Light 7 A Side Rugby team in Wacky Wales.
Ah the memories.
The show is being shown in Australia this week.
(Stephen Oakes – 2nd June)
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!! STOP IT!
4. 2001 AND A BIT
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If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail clarion@goodiesruleok.com so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays. Large files (such as scans of articles or photos) for posting on the club's website can be sent to us at: groksite@gmail.com
Those of you seeking radio and tv alerts between issues of the C&G should consider signing up for the Goodies-l mailing list (more details available on the club website), as our crack (cracked?!) team of reporters attempt to post alerts as the information becomes available.
** (All items in this section contributed by Lisa Manekofsky, except where otherwise credited) **
BILL SPOTTINGS
* Sun, 17 May - "Percy Edwards Showdown", with Bill in the cast, is repeated on BBC Radio 4 at 13:30. The show can be heard worldwide from www.bbc.co.uk/radio4 and will be available for a week after broadcast from Listen Again.
(15th May)
* Springwatch co-presenter Kate Humble is doing interviews to promote the new series of the show. Following are a few excerpts in which she speaks about Bill leaving the series.
Kate Humble dishes the dirt on Springwatch!
May 19, 2009
The beautiful Springwatch presenter Kate Humble discusses shark encounters, Bill Oddie and why we're going to have a good summer...
What's it like doing the show without Bill Oddie this year?
"It's a little discombobulating if I'm honest. I worked with Bill for a very long time and he's incredibly inspirational. Yes he could be tricky and it was always unpredictable, but working with Bill was never boring!"
What will you miss about him?
"He is absolutely passionate about British wildlife and he is one of the best communicators I know on that subject. Bill set a standard that all of us want to keep and build on. He opened the door on the incredible wildlife of the nation and we would like to carry on getting people involved and enthused by it."
Did you ever consider leaving the show yourself?
"I thought about it very hard. The right person had to replace Bill and Chris [Packham] is definitely right. He comes from the same place as Bill and they have the same beliefs. We haven't worked together before, but when first met to be tested to see that we didn't look weird on the sofa together it felt very natural, so hopefully we'll do all right!"
Earlier this year Bill Oddie announced he was leaving the show after four years.
(20th May)
* BBC Radio 4 will be airing a show called "Happy Birthday Tommy Walker" tomorrow morning (11:30am London time). It's to be about the various incarnations of The Who's rock-opera "Tommy". It's possible Bill will get a mention, as he appeared in a 1972 stage version as Cousin Kevin (at the Rainbow Theatre in London).
(21st May)
* Fri, 19 June - "Charlie's Wildlife Gardens" on Home at 08:30 (repeated at 17:30) is a repeat of an episode featuring an appearance by Bill.
(10th Jun)
GRAEME SPOTTINGS
* Thurs, 11 June - "The Long Hot Satsuma" on BBC Radio 7 at 23:00 is the repeat of the second of two episodes from the radio series which starred Graeme Garden, Barry Cryer, & Alison Steadman, among others. The show can be heard worldwide via the internet at www.bbc.co.uk/radio7 ; each episode will be available for a week from the BBC iPlayer (aka Listen Again).
(10th Jun)
* date TBA - Sky Arts 1 once again is repeating the second series of "What the Dickens?". Watch for Graeme's appearance in an upcoming episode. My current estimate is that it might air the week starting July 1st or July 8th.
(10th Jun)
TIM SPOTTINGS
* Mon, 18 May - "Cilla" on BBC 4 at 1:30am is a repeat of the vintage episode featuring an appearance by Tim Brooke-Taylor, Graeme Garden, & Graham Chapman.
(15th May)
I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE (ISIHAC) and
I'M SORRY I'LL READ THAT AGAIN (ISIRTA)
(24th May)
* Here's the link for the "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" 2009 stage tour date at Birmingham Symphony Hall on Sept 28th (with features a new cast photo including Jack Dee, probably taken at the recent Radio 4 recording at which he was guest chair).
As Edna mentions, tickets are on sale from this site or by phone at 0121 780 3333. Thanks again for the tip, Edna!
(2nd Jun)
The following are the first known 2009 tour dates and venues. There has been no official announcement of the 2009 tour dates and venues yet. When there is an announcement the remaining dates and venues will appear here.
Each show normally starts at 7.30pm, and finishes around 10pm. Exceptions will be noted when known.
22nd July
The Orchard Theatre, Home Gardens, Dartford, Kent, DA1 1ED
Tickets: £25
Box office: 01322 220000
event URL:
25th July
The Sands Centre, Carlisle, CA1 1JQ
Tickets: £22 and £24
Box office: 01228 625222
Notes: £1.85 postal delivery charge.
online bookings:
28th September
Symphony Hall, Broad Street, Birmingham, B1 2EA
Tickets: £23.50 and £25.50
Box office: 0121 780 3333
Notes: £2 transaction fee unless booked in person at the Box Office.
(4th Jun)
* The following comes from the official I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue mailing list:
Dear I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Mailing List Member,
Just to let you know, the new series of 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue' (Series 51) will start on Radio 4 from Monday 15th June at 6.30pm on Radio 4.
The hosts for the shows are Stephen Fry, Jack Dee and Rob Brydon, and apart from Tim, Barry and Graeme, the panellists will be Victoria Wood (making her debut on the show - she was actually due to guest on the recordings we were forced to cancel after Humph was hospitalised in 2008), Jeremy Hardy and Phill Jupitus. All the recordings went very well and I'm sure it will be a fine series.
Meanwhile, after the success of our Tours in 2007 and 2008 (both complete sell-outs), we are planning another Official Theatre Tour of 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue' in July, September and October this year, to be hosted by the brilliant Jack Dee. The show is a brand new 'Best Of', featuring the most successful rounds in the 38 years of 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue'. It'll be a different show from the one we toured in 2007 and 2008, and with Jack at the helm, it promises to be a lot of fun. The panel will comprise Tim Brooke-Taylor, Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden and Jeremy Hardy with Colin Sell at the piano.
We'll be visiting Manchester, Bristol. Portsmouth, Cambridge, Nottingham, Bradford, Cheltenham, Wimbledon, Birmingham, Southport, York, Northampton, Bournemouth, Torquay, Eastbourne and Leicester, and I'll be sending out full details in a few weeks time.
Meantime I can reveal the three dates we'll be doing in July. These are:
Wednesday 22nd July at the Orchard Theatre in Dartford
Show starts 7.30pm (finishes at around 10pm)
Tickets - currently on sale. £25.
Thursday 23rd July at the New Victoria Theatre in Woking
Show starts 7.30pm (finishes at around 10pm)
Tickets - should be on sale in a week. £26, £24 and £22
Saturday 25th July at the Sands Theatre in Carlisle
Show starts 7.30pm (finishes at around 10pm)
Tickets - currently on sale. £24 and £22
With best wishes
Jon Naismith
Producer, "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue"
(7th Jun)
(9th Jun)
* Several articles appeared in UK newspapers today about British comedy writer & performer Victoria Wood. The articles primarily concern Victoria's complaint about British panel shows being too male dominated but the pieces also mention Victoria's forthcoming appearance in the new series of "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" (which begins on BBC Radio 4 next Monday).
(9th Jun)
(As someone who attended the show, I can't help wondering how the author could have missed seeing Samantha... ;)
(10th Jun)
(10th Jun)
* Mondays starting 15 June (repeats on Sundays) - The new series of "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" will begin on BBC Radio 4 at 18:30, with each episode repeated at noon the following Sunday. The show can be heard worldwide from www.bbc.co.uk/radio4 . Each episode will be available for a week after the Monday broadcast from Listen Again (via the BBC iPlayer).
Here's a listing for the first episode: "The perennial antidote to panel games comes from Her Majesty's Theatre, Haymarket in London, with Stephen Fry the first to take on the chairman's role from the late Humphrey Lyttelton. Regulars Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden and Tim Brooke-Taylor are joined by Victoria Wood. With Colin Sell at the piano."
(10th Jun)
(11th Jun)
5. GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW #39 – ELEPHANT JOKE SONG
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Hi there pop pickers and welcome to another Goodies Music Review.
WHO?
Following their last music review of "Baby Samba", your delinquent DJs Peaches Stiletto (aka Linda Kay) and Emperor Caligula (aka Brett Allender) had worked up such a thirst from all of that dancing, maracca shaking and "poochy poochy pooing" (of their nappies!) that they could no longer wait for their boring old mothers to stop gasbagging in the supermarket, so they decided to run amok in the lemonade aisle instead. Peaches drank a sufficient amount to ensure that the next time baby Bill squeezes her while singing "Nappy Love', she won't just go wee-wee on the floor – it'll be more of tidal wave proportions! Meanwhile the Emperor guzzled so much that the inevitable resulting monster burp lifted him clean up through the supermarket roof and off into orbit, almost as if he'd been grabbed by the UFOs (ouch!). So while we're waiting for a lunar (and loony) report from Big Bunny on this gross invasion of his astrobunny airspace, we'll cross over to the Big Top Circus and your Dumbo-eared DJs with their music review of "THE ELEPHANT JOKE SONG" by The Goodies.
WHERE? WHEN?
"Elephant Joke Song " can only be heard on the 70s album "The Goodies Beastly Record"
WHAT?
Lyrics: sung by all three Goodies as credited.
(Elephant joke, elephant joke, I wanna wanna wanna hear an elephant joke. Elephant joke, elephant joke, I wanna wanna wanna hear an elephant joke.)
B: Alrighty alrighty, here's one for starters. Whadda ya get when you cross an elephant with a mouse? G: I dunno. What *do* you get when you cross an elephant with a mouse? B: Ruddy great holes in the skirting board!
(Elephant joke, elephant joke, tell a tell a tell another elephant joke.)
T: Now here's one. B: Yeah? T: What was the elephant doing on the M1? G: What *was* the elephant doing on the M1? T: About two and a half miles an hour. Hee hee hee.
G: Hey man, why do elephants never forget? B: I dunno. Would you tell me please why elephants do never forget? G: 'Cos nobody ever tells them anything! B: Oh that's a shame, ain't that a shame? G: But don't tell the elephants that!
T: I wasn't thinkin' of doin' it! Now tell me, what time is it when an elephant sits on a fence? B&G: Time to get a new fence!
(Elephant joke, elephant joke, tell a tell a tell another elephant joke. Elephant joke, elephant joke, tell a tell a tell another elephant joke.)
T: Now William, I's gonna set you a little elephant test. B: I's ready. T: I want a joke concerning an elephant … B: Yes. T: …And a Volkswagon car. B: A Volkswagon car and an elephant … oh, I've got one! How do you get four elephants into a Volkswagon car? T: I dunno. How *do* you get four elephants into a Volkswagon car? B: Two in da front and two in da back! Hee hee! T: Mind you, it has to be a big Volkswagon. B: A helluva big Volkswagon!
G: Hey man, why are elephants wrinkled? T: I dunno, why are they wrinkled? G: Have you ever tried ironing one?! B: Matter of fact I have! Ironing one, ironing one, I tried that!
T: Hey now, how does an elephant get down from a tree? B: I dunno, how does an elephant get down from a tree? T: He stands on a leaf and he waits til Autumn, ah ha ha! Incidentally I's wanted to ask you, why are crocodiles flat? B I dunno, why are crocodiles flat? T: 'Cos they keep walkin' under the trees in Autumn, that's why! B: And the elephants fall on them, ha ha! T: You got it!
G: While remaining unconvinced about the gist of your argument, I guess I have to enquire … but, how come the elephant gets up in the tree in the first place? B: Hmm that's a good question. How come the elephant gets up in the tree in the first place? T: To be perfectly honest, he didn't mean to get up in the tree in the first place. B: No? T: He just sat on an acorn and he fell asleep. B: And it grew and grew … T: For a long time!
B: I'll tell ya, this is a good one. Why do elephants, why do African elephants, that is, have big ears? T: I dunno. Why do African elephants, that is, have big ears? B: 'Cos Noddy would not pay the ransom … Big Ears! T: That's a good one. B: That's a good one!
(Elephant joke, elephant joke, tell a tell a tell another elephant joke.)
T: Now tell me … B: Yes? T: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow? B: Man, that's a weird question! Tell me, why *do* elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow? T: So they can hide upside-down in the custard! G: Ohh, now you gone too far! I ain't ever seen no elephant hiding upside-down in the custard! T: Well that just shows what a good disguise it is, doesn't it! G: Oh I guess it does!
B: Yeah it surely does. Now listen, I want you to concentrate, this is very very hard. I want you to tell me … What is grey, what has four legs and a trunk? T&G: Let me see now, what is grey? B: Grey T&G Has how many legs? B: Four. T: Not three legs? B: Not three. T&G: Oh four, four legs! G: And a trunk. B: And a trunk. What is grey, has four legs and a trunk?
(Elephant joke, elephant joke, I wanna wanna wanna hear an elephant joke.)
T: I dunno, I give up. What is grey, has four legs and a trunk? B: A mouse … going on a holiday! Hee hee!
(Mouse joke, mouse joke, we've run out of elephant jokes. Mouse joke, mouse joke, I wanna wanna wanna hear a mouse joke.)
G: A mouse with a trunk, that is. T: A grey mouse. B: Absolutely … Hey you didn't think it was an elephant, didya?! G: Who, me?! (conversation fades as background chant continues)
WHY?
(Peaches Stiletto):
Okay, here's one: what's grey, has four legs and is the most maligned creature on the planet? It seems that while jokes about certain subjects are strictly taboo these days, no one thinks twice about making fun of perpetually persecuted pachyderms. The controversy surrounding the episode "South Africa" and the use of the "N" word in the episode "Black and White Beauty" should pale in comparison with what has to be the most outrageous, flippant and non-PC compilation of elephant jokes ever assembled on the face of the planet. Elephants are majestic creatures which should demand nothing less than our utmost respect. To make them the butt of such poor jokes should not only be denounced, it should be flat-out criminal! Shame on you Bill, shame on you, Tim, and shame on you, Graeme, for demeaning such beautiful animals in the name of cheap laughs! Apart from that, the song is brilliant.
(Emperor Caligula):
For a start, ivory much doubted that a song about elephant jokes would pack a derm … er, punch rather. I mean, three guys using Rastafarian-style accents (Bill actually sounds more like Rastus Watermelon from "The End" for that matter!) to trumpet a collection of rather saggy baggy daggy jokes about our flappy-eared friends has just got to be a load of mumbo-jumbo, right! Well, rather like one of those nine doctors that recommends eating Sunbeam sliced bread to avoid being squashed by elephants, you can call me a loony if you like - that's a big chorus of "You're a loony", but did anyone hear it? The elephant herd for starters! Maybe it's the same elephant that was in my bathtub with me last night … I knew that it was there by the smell of peanuts on its breath. And it had also been in my refrigerator … I could tell by the footprints in the butter. Actually it was a female because she was wearing a glass slipper … her name was Cinderellaphant! Luckily she wasn't a hooker though or she'd have been a two ton pickup. And thankfully I was able to stop her jealous boyfriend from charging … by taking away his credit card! (Hoo boy!) It might be time for some mouse jokes now, but firstly I'll use the peanuts that I get paid to make a trunk call to cast my vote for this very enjoyable (if rather silly) reggae-flavoured song.
HOW!
Using the Black Pudding Rating System:
IIIII Superstar (Peaches Stiletto)
IIII Officially Amazing (Emperor Caligula)
THE BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM
IIIII - Superstar.
IIII - Officially Amazing.
III - Goody Goody Yum Yum.
II - Fair-y Punkmother.
I - Tripe on t' Pikelets.
6. GOODIES WORD FINDER
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(by Brett Allender)
This puzzle contains hidden words and phrases relating to the "It Might As Well Be String" episode of The Goodies.
Try to find all the listed words in the puzzle. Words may be found horizontally, vertically, or diagonally. Upon completion, the 12 unused letters can be rearranged to form the solution of one word - clue: "the flavour of a product that the Goodies advertise"
The solution will also be published in next month's newsletter.
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WORD LIST
Arab
BO
Bread
Carpets
Casanova
Cod
Credits
Criminals
Dumb
Dummies
Elephants
Fishface
GG
Harvest Moon
Housewives
Kenny
Kung Poo
Lies
Low Suds Mold
Nails
Nosho
Racy
Rissoles
Rudyard
Sofa
String
TBT
Tea
Truth
Twerps
Vest
Vibena
Water
Wiring
7. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
***********************
(a) Graeme
(b) EBGB
(c) U-Friend Or UFO
(d) "What?! Three fellas going out dancing together? People would stare at us!"
(e) Disco Bilius
(f) Jackie Onassis and Rod Stewart
(g) You're The One That I Want
(h) A Hawaiian hula
YOUR SCORE:
8 Mastermind Of The Year
7 Goodies fan supreme
5-6 Clever clogs
3-4 Reasonably Goodie
1-2 Thick as old boots
0 Rolf Harris!
NEXT C&G EDITION:
- #164: 12th July 2009.
Upcoming Articles:
- Jul/Aug: A Collection Of Goodies Themes – Goodies Targets – David Frost
- Aug/Sep: Goodies Music Review – Panic
Updated to C&G 162 (May 2009)
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The Goodies Fan Club Clarion and Globe is copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 2009. All rights reserved.
Permission to reproduce this work or any section of it, in any form must first be obtained from the copyright holders.
For other general enquiries about the 'Goodies Rule - OK' fan club or 'The Goodies' itself, please e-mail enquiries@goodiesruleok.com
TO OBTAIN THIS NEWSLETTER IN WORD DOCUMENT FORM:
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