Index
» Aug 2007
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* THE GOODIES FAN CLUB CLARION AND GLOBE *
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* THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK!' *
Issue No. 141 12th August 2007
THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G
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EDITOR
- Brett Allender <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>
ACE REPORTER:
- Lisa Manekofsky
MUSIC REVIEWER:
- Linda Kay
C&G CONTRIBUTORS:
- the end, Graeme Garden
CONTENTS
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1. QUIZ & QUOTE - Goodies brainteasers for you and you and you
2. BOFFO IDEAS – The latest club news and happenings
3. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.
4. 2001 AND A BIT - Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.
5. FEATURE ARTICLE - Relative Values: Bill Oddie and his daughter Rosie
6. A COLLECTION OF GOODIES THEMES #1 - Bill's Lemon Sherbet Trips
7. GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW #30 – "Custard Pie"
8. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
9. GOODIES CROSSWORD SOLUTION – from last month's edition
1. QUIZ & QUOTE
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(by "Magnus Magnesium")
QUOTE: "Showing off your legs, you shameless hussies! You belong in the Sunday papers, you lot!"
(a) Which Goodie says this quote?
(b) Who is he berating?
(c) Which episode is this quote from?
QUIZ: This month's questions are from the episode: "Radio Goodies"
(d) Complete this jingle: "For the sound of sensation across the nation ..."
(e) How much money for the GPO has Bill enclosed with his radio licence application?
(f) Which record fills the entire Radio Goodies hit parade?
(g) How does Graeme propose to take over Great Britain?
(h) What do Tim and Bill repeatedly yell at Graeme to rile him just before his boat sinks?
The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.
2. BOFFO IDEAS
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You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail <enquiries@goodiesruleok.com> with your comments, ideas or suggestions - meanwhile these are the boffo ideas which our club has been working on this month:
GOODIES DOWNLOADS ON WEBSITE
(by Brett Allender)
As an update to last month's news item, I've finished adding a further selection of songs taped directly from Goodies episodes to the Downloads section of the website at http://www.goodiesruleok.com/downloads.php . There are now over 60 different Goodies songs to choose from as well as 50 other soundfiles and several Goodies-related video clips, so there are plenty of Goodies goodies for you to check out.
WEBSITE POLLS
The votes are all in and counted for last month's Goodies poll and once again it was a photo finish but with Rolf thankfully nowhere in the picture.
If you were forming a Goodies musical tribute group, what would you call yourselves?
- Big Pud and the Eckythumps 55 votes
- The Everybody Loves String Quartet 6 votes
- Trapped In A T-Rex 8 votes
- The Little Laddies 11 votes
- Atomic Giant Kitten 24 votes
- The Goody Goody Yum Yums 33 votes
- The Funky Gibbons 51 votes
- The Almost Goodies Live 15 votes
- The Plague Of Rolf Harrises 12 votes
- Other 7 votes
Total 222 votes
Looks like Pudding Power Rules OK, though as a consolation to the runners up, it's likely that Funky Gibbon would be the new group's signature tune, though I'm sure they'd do a mean Black Pudding Bertha as well.
Now onto this month's poll and the opportunity to choose whereabouts you'd like to "take a trip to paradise" and stay there:
In which Goodies-inspired location would you like to live?
- The Jolly Rock Lighthouse
- A disused railway station
- August Bank Holiday Island
- On the moon with Big Bunny
- Inside a t-rex
- In a 350 foot high block of concrete
- Dr Garden's Home for Clapped-Out Animals
- Cricklewood
- other
- with Little Rolf in the Star Safari Park
As for me, I'm off to the Lost Island Of Munga, though once I find it, it won't be the lost island anymore! Still it's far enough away from Rolf and it'll do me nicely until either the French drop another H-bomb on it or Nasty Person fouls up the pristine beaches with his soggy potato peelings. Anyway get to the website and cast your vote now. You know it makes sense!
3. SPOTTED!!!
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More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the Goodies recently, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! the Goodies this month:
GOODIES OF PARAMOUNT IMPORTANCE
(Lisa Manekofsky – Goodies-l – 15th Jul)
* Friday & Saturday nights - episodes of "The Goodies" will be repeated on Paramount 2. Please check your local listings for times.
4. 2001 AND A BIT
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If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays. Those of you seeking radio and tv alerts between issues of the C&G should consider signing up for the Goodies-l mailing list (more details available on the club website), as our crack (cracked?!) team of reporters attempt to post alerts as the information becomes available.
** (All items in this section contributed by Lisa Manekofsky, except where otherwise credited) **
BILL SPOTTINGS
* Mon, 16 July - "Birding with Bill Oddie" on UKTV Gardens. It looks like they are running a marathon of episodes throughout the day Monday. Please consult your local listings for specific times.
(15th Jul)
(15th Jul)
* There is an article on the Daily Mail's website about Bill and his daughter Rosie titled:
Depression, drugs - and the day my dad was taken away
Bill Oddie's daughter reveals how mental illness nearly destroyed her father...
The full article can be accessed at:
(25th Jul)
This article (with photos) also appeared in the Melbourne Herald Sun on Saturday 28th July
(Brett Allender)
* The following news story appears at
Oddie hosts new wildlife series
Springwatch host Bill Oddie is making a new series for BBC Two, taking a sideways look at Britain's wildlife.
Bill Oddie's Seriously Wild Show will be a light-hearted magazine programme, with producers promising an "eclectic mix" of features.
Oddie, 66, will delve into the legends and folklore of Britain's animal population, and set tricky challenges for wildlife cameraman John Aitcheson.
The ten-part series will be shown on BBC Two in early 2008.
"Historically, Bill has gone to part of the country and covered the wildlife population there," said director Stuart Armstrong.
"In this series, he'll bounce around the country. Whatever makes a good wildlife story has potential for inclusion."
Hare stories
Filming on the series started earlier this year, and is due to continue into September.
Several sequences have already been shot with sound recorder Chris Watson, who reveals the techniques for capturing the hidden sounds of Britain's animal population.
"Chris is like a version of Q from James Bond," said Mr Armstrong. "He has all the kit to let you hear things you don't normally hear."
Mr Armstrong added that Oddie would be looking at the mythology of Britain's wildlife.
"The interesting thing is that when an animal can take on human form people make up stories," he says.
"For example, hares box as part of their mating ritual in the springtime and they often stand on two legs.
"In olden days, when people didn't have glasses, they'd see these hares standing on two legs and think it was a group of witches."
Bill Oddie's Seriously Wild Show is being produced by the BBC's Natural History Unit in Bristol.
(26th Jul)
* Sat, 4 Aug - "Top 50 Greatest Celebrity Animals" will be repeated on Sky Three at 22:00 and again on Weds, 8 Aug at 21:00. Bill Oddie is among the experts participating in the show.
(2nd Aug)
* starting Fri, 10 Aug - "Bill Oddie Goes Wild" is being repeated on UKTV Gardens on various days and at various times - please check your local listings for details.
(2nd Aug)
* Recently we mentioned that Bill is taking part in an environmental campaign called "The Big Ask". The organizers, Friends of the Earth, have provided the following information for our website. They also mentioned that Bill has filmed a message which can be seen on their web site and that he appears in a campaign advert.
Friends of the Earth press release
Bill Oddie has joined a number of celebrities including Jude Law, Helen Baxendale, Gillian Anderson, Stephen Fry and Darcey Bussell on a virtual march for a tough climate change law.
Anyone can join Bill on The Big Ask online march, which has been organised by environmental campaign group Friends of the Earth. You simply use your camera or mobile phone to record a short video clip, along with a message asking your MP to support The Big Ask, which is calling on the Government to strengthen its plans for a new climate change law. You can join by e-mail too. When you join the march, your MP will automatically receive a link to your recorded message.
All the marchers, their messages and a campaign ad by Last King of Scotland director Kevin MacDonald, can be seen at www.thebigask.com – along with full details of how to join in.
(2nd Aug)
GRAEME SPOTTINGS
(15th Jul)
* Fri, 20 July - "QI" on BBC 2 at 22:00 is a repeat of Graeme's appearance on the show.
(15th Jul)
(15th Jul)
* Thanks to Graeme Garden for letting us know that he filmed a short scene for a new movie called 'Telstar.' Graeme said, "watch out for it, just in case I survive the cutting room floor!"
At the moment it appears "Telstar" is scheduled for a 2008 release.
(1st Aug)
* Graeme's passed along the news that his youngest son, Tom, is setting up as a concept artist. Graeme said, "If you're interested you can see some of his work at www.tgconceptart.blogspot.com"
(10th Aug)
TIM SPOTTINGS
* The "At Last The 1948 Show" (starring Tim and several of the future Monty Python crew, with guest appearances by Bill as well) was made in 1967 and the surviving bits of it were released on an excellent 2 DVD set in 2005. A further 2 years later and I've recently been able to purchase a copy of it from JB Hi Fi for the bargain buy of just $12.98. So if you're an Aussie fan of The Goodies and Monty Python and would like to see footage of an important precursor to both shows, it's well worth going to your nearest JB Hi Fi store to look for it (though I think that I snaffled the last one in Ballarat!). I'll write a review of it for a future C&G when I get around to watching it all at last.
(Brett Allender)
I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE (ISIHAC) and
I'M SORRY I'LL READ THAT AGAIN (ISIRTA)
BBC 7 will be repeating the special "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Christmas Carol" tomorrow (Saturday, 14 July) as part of "Comedy Winners". It will be broadcast from 9:00am-noon, then repeated from 8:00pm-11:00pm. The show will then be available from Listen Again for a week from http://www.bbc.co.uk/bbc7/listenagain/saturday/
"I'm Sorry I Haven't A Christmas Carol" was originally broadcast in 2003. The cast includes Tim Brooke-Taylor, Barry Cryer, Stephen Fry, Graeme Garden, Andy Hamilton, Tony Hawks, Humphrey Lyttelton, Colin Sell, Linda Smith, and Sandi Toksvig
(13th Jul)
* Saturdays - "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again", on ABC Radio National at 5:30. This 1960's sketch comedy series starred with all three Goodies plus John Cleese, Jo Kendall, & David Hatch (info at http://www.abc.net.au/rn/comedy/default.htm )
(15th Jul)
* Mondays - BBC 7 airs old episodes of "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" (with Tim and Graeme). Each episode is available via Listen Again for six days after broadcast. The show can be heard worldwide via the internet from www.bbc.co.uk/bbc7 on the day of broadcast as well as for six days afterwards using Listen Again.
(15th Jul)
* The Saturday, 28 July edition of Archive Hour on BBC Radio 4 at 20:00 is entitled "Footlights and Fancy Free". As described on Radio 4's website, "This programme uses the extensive archives of the Cambridge University Footlights Club to tell its story, from a cricket match inspired inception in 1883 to the bright young things of the current day."
A promo for this show, played just before "About a Dog", includes a clip of a courtroom sketch which I believe is from "Cambridge Circus" (if not, it's from "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again"), meaning there should be some content of interest to Goodies fans in this show.
(25th Jul)
It includes brief quotes from Bill & Tim, as well as a snippet from "Cambridge Circus".
(31st Jul)
ISIHAC TOUR DATES AND BOOKING INFORMATION:
* ADDITIONAL SHOW ANNOUNCED!*
Tuesday 28 August BRISTOL HIPPODROME
Show starts 7.30pm, ends approx 10pm
Tickets: £21 - £23.50
Booking details:
In person at the Box Office open Mon-Sat 10am - 8pm (6pm when no performance)
Ticketmaster 0870 607 7500 - 24hr booking line - subject to booking/transaction fee
Freephone Groups 10+ 0800 587 5007 Mon-Fri 10am - 6pm
TICKETS WILL GO ON SALE ON FRIDAY 20th JULY FROM 10am
All other previously announced shows are now sold out, except for Ipswich
5. FEATURE ARTICLE
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The Sunday Times
July 8, 2007
Relative Values: Bill Oddie and his daughter Rosie
Bill Oddie, 65, was a founder member of the 1970s comedy team The Goodies. He has since become the most famous bird-watcher in Britain, hosting shows like Springwatch, and Birding with Bill Oddie, and was awarded an OBE in 2003 for his services to wildlife. He lives in north London with his second wife, Laura. He has two grown-up daughters from his first marriage. Bill and Laura's only daughter, Rosie Oddie, 21, gave up art college to concentrate on music. Her band, Rosie Oddie and the Odd Squad, release their first single, Genni's Song, next week and are touring this summer. She lives in Camden, north London
Bill: There was a pretty big gap between my first marriage ending and me getting together with Laura, Rosie's mum. The end of that marriage - and the fact that my mother disappeared when I was a small child - meant I didn't trust women at all. So I decided to take advantage of being on TV and being a single bloke in London. We didn't have comedy groupies, but I certainly put myself about a bit. Well, a lot, actually.
When I first met Laura, I thought it was going to be the same as the others: just a bit of fun. And at first I'll admit that the attraction was purely physical. My God, she was raunchier than all the rest put together! But then I found myself falling in love with this crazy, beautiful, talented, intelligent woman. So okay, I was in love, but kids were nowhere on the horizon for me. I had two daughters from my first marriage, a gorgeous young wife, we were travelling a lot, I was getting lots of work. Kids would only upset that routine. Looking back, I do regret I made Laura feel uncomfortable about having kids. I just didn't know if I was ready for it second time around.
All that changed when I found out Laura was pregnant. Typical me, I became engrossed in every aspect of the pregnancy. Some of my happiest memories are of me looking at Laura's perfectly round bump. We called the bump Wiggly in the Womb.
Being a father again, I soon realised I spent an awful lot of time feeling guilty. I'd berate myself for being away, for making bad decisions, for being a soft touch, for being too grumpy. You name it, I've felt guilty for it. I was inclined to tear myself apart, which I'm sure had something to do with what happened to my mother. At the time Laura was born, all I knew was that my mother cleared off when I was one or two. I had no idea why. [When he appeared on the BBC programme Who Do You Think You Are?, Oddie learnt the truth about his mother's mental problems and admission to a mental hospital.] I was carrying a lot of anger and I'd turn that anger on myself.
Rosie realised this and used to abuse it, shockingly. Every time we went on holiday, she'd say she needed a friend to come with her. Fine. Then it was two friends. Then three. When Rosie was 15, Laura and I were taking seven teenagers on holiday. If ever you're looking for a reason to end it all, take seven teenage girls to Portugal and wait for them to find out if there's a disco in town.
When Rosie was 16, I had my first nervous breakdown. The grumpiness and anger turned into full-blown clinical depression. All I wanted to do was stay in bed. Everything was black. Laura said: "What about us? What about the kids?" All I said was: "Nothing means anything. I don't care about anything."
Rosie and I did talk about the depressions a couple of years ago, but she said: "Dad, I'm 20. I don't want to keep analysing things." Personally, I like analysing things and taking things apart. I still go for my sessions because they've helped me see things a bit clearer.
I hope I've not given you the impression that Rosie runs away from difficult discussion. She knows the full extent of what has happened to me, and dealt very well with things when I had another little episode the Christmas before last. Rosie doesn't run away from anything. She might come over all hedonistic and knows how to get wasted, but once her mind's set on something she becomes very focused.
At school there used to be a big concert at the end of term, but one year it was cancelled because of complaints from the neighbours. Rosie and her friends started orchestrating a protest and she led most of the school through an impromptu version of Ain't No Mountain High Enough during assembly.
Eventually the concert was moved to a new venue. I thought: "That's my girl!"
That effusiveness and ability to get on with people is definitely from Laura's side of the gene pool. I hope the musical bit is from me. Just watching Rosie develop as a musician and seeing her write her first song has been one of the greatest experiences of my life. I am a musical obsessive. I've been asked if Rosie's music career means I am living vicariously through my daughter, and I usually say: "Hang on! I've had several hit records, you know.
I've released several albums." Okay, they were silly songs about funky gibbons, but I'm very proud of those songs. The thing that's different about Rosie is she writes proper songs. Serious songs. She does things with music and songs I could never do. People might say: "Yes, but it's only pop music. It isn't Art with a capital A." F*** 'em. F*** 'em all. Rosie's music speaks to me. Her songs make me cry. Even if I wasn't her father, I'd still be a fan.
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Rosie: I'm much too young to remember The Goodies being on telly. When I came along, Dad was "that bird-watching bloke". I knew he was famous, though, because my friends' parents told me he was. They were always talking about The Goodies.
But me and Mum never went bird-watching with him. That was his zone and we stayed out of it. He'd take me on walks when I was little and tell me about the countryside, but I don't think I appreciated the stuff he was telling me. It's only now I wish I'd taken more notice.
Dad's basically a big kid, which made him easy to be around when I was little. Actually, he was a bit of a soft touch. All he cared about was if I was happy. He was never the sort of dad who stood over you saying: "Have you done your maths homework?" As far as he was concerned, time spent playing the drums or listening to your favourite CD was as important as school work.
I really got the feeling that Dad respected me and what I wanted to do. It was as if he treated me like a little adult. That did cause a few problems at school. Unfortunately, the teachers didn't treat me like a little adult. I found them to be condescending, so I decided to go on the rampage. I'm still a bit like that. If people use their authority in a bad way, I'll pick a fight with them.
Dad's always been mad about his music, but he never forced it down my throat. Mum and Dad were also pretty relaxed about drink and drugs. I think I smoked my first bit of weed when I was 14. Probably drinking Babycham too. They did tell me off, but their attitude was: "At least she's not passed out on some crackhead street corner, pumped full of heroin and Jack Daniel's." If me and my mates were pissed and stoned at home, at least they could take care of us.
Because Dad was always so involved in stuff, it made it all the more confusing for me when he got ill. Mum told me what was happening. Actually, there was no point trying to hide it. There was a totally weird vibe in the house. Dad just disappeared to his room. It's not like Mum could have said: "Oh, Daddy's fine. He's just going to have a long nap for a couple of months." This was the first time I'd seen this happen to anyone and I didn't know how to deal with it. There was one day where Dad was taken away to a mental hospital. That image of my dad. but it wasn't my dad. It was a shell of a human. My dad is full of life and love, but that person was crippled with self-doubt. That was hard. Really hard. I just went to my room and smoked more dope.
Luckily, I had Mum. I don't think I'd have been able to cope without her. Mental illness can happen to anyone at any time. I have friends, 20 and 21 years old, suffering from mental problems. I'm not fazed by it now. I know that there are scary patches, but you can get through it. The important thing is to actually face up to what's going on.
Maybe that's why Dad only used to write silly songs. Maybe he knew that if he delved too deeply he'd be getting into stuff that was too dark. So he decided to write about gibbons instead. If he'd tried to access the stuff that was in there, who knows what would have happened, what incredible music he'd have produced?
All I know is, Dad is a phenomenal musician and has phenomenal talent. When I come to recording an album, I'd love to get him on there.
Interviews by Danny Scott
6. A COLLECTION OF GOODIES THEMES #1
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(by Brett Allender)
This is the first in what will hopefully be a lengthy series of new articles on The Goodies for the Clarion & Globe and fan club website on a monthly or two-monthly basis. I've already put together summaries and photo galleries for each individual episode of the show (which are available in the Articles/Guides section) so I'd now like to take a look at particular themes and concepts that pop up during the run of The Goodies on a recurring basis and present them with an accompanying photo gallery on the website.
Future themes to be explored include Tim's patriotic speeches and dragging up, Graeme's inventions and falling over, Bill's outfits, giant animals, the Royal family (particularly the Queen & Prince Charles) and favourite targets (like Rolf Harris, Max Bygraves and Tony Blackburn ... not much!), just to name a few. I have made a list in the website version of over 30 different ideas which I'll eventually explore, but further suggestions are most welcome – please either e-mail them to <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> or add them as comments to the website article. The first theme for examination though is one that is almost exclusive to the very first Goodies series.
BILL'S LEMON SHERBET TRIPS
Tim's aunt may well have provided the money to get the Goodies' venture off and racing, but it's Bill's Granny that unwittingly provides the spark that allows him to take a trip to paradise without even leaving the office and helps to further the plot of several episodes in the first series.
Dear old Granny lovingly sends Bill little tubes of lemon sherbet which, in Tim's words, is "perfectly harmless, but it turns him on.". Tim also makes the observation on a couple of occasions that "sometimes (Bill) has incredible insights into the true nature of reality" while he is away in lemon sherbet land, although the Vicar in "The Greenies" responds somewhat astutely with, "I rather thought that was my job!"
These remarkable psychedelic sherbet-fuelled sights are usually for Bill's eyes only, however Graeme has the bright idea of hooking Bill up to the computer screen so that Bill's visions are projected for all those in the room to witness and decipher.
Generally Bill's vivid visions fall into three less-than-helpful categories (for Tim and Graeme at least) – sexy girls, kaleidoscopic patterns and a secret yearning to appear on "Top Of The Pops". However after clearing away all of the chaff, he invariably comes up with a golden grain of information and inspiration that helps with the advancement of the particular storyline.
In "Beefeaters", Bill's very first sherbet-inspired vision, to his ecstatic bellows of "Oh I don't believe that!", is the well-endowed photo of a topless girl (which not surprisingly is a vision that was deftly cut from the show screenings by our very own Desiree Carthorse equivalent in Australia, good old Aunty ABC!) Her subsequent replacement with a whirl of colours and a placard of "Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible" is met with Graeme grumbling "Keep sucking, you fool!"
Bill's "Top Of The Pops" obsession is then betrayed by the brief appearance of Jimmy Savile on-screen before he ultimately comes up with a strange rebus (see website photo gallery) to help solve the question that even has Graeme's computer stumped: Who is stealing the Beefeater's beef? After some unsuccessful attemps to solve the puzzle (Tim: "Old lady with a big mouth" Graeme "My mother-in-law! … Old lady with a big mouth …" Tim: "And big ding-dongs!") the eventual revelation of "crow-n chew-ells" gives the Goodies the tip-off (the tip off what? – sorry, just couldn't resist!) that the Crown Jewels are in danger of being stolen and they venture forth to the Tower Of London from there.
In "Give Police A Chance", Bill is so traumatised by police brutality that he retreats into his lemon sherbet world ("Bye bye!") as the others are dreading a return visit from the bombastic Police Commissioner who wants the Goodies to improve the public image of the police force from its current deeply-ingrained nasty and unhelpful reputation. After Graeme's computer is again stuck for ideas, Tim goes to ask a sherbet-sucking Bill for his thoughts, only for Graeme to interject with "Oh it's no use asking him. He's tuned in and dropped off. He doesn't want to know. He's rejected society. He's escaped to a better world."
Tim's blubbering reply of "I want to go with him!" amounts to nought and Bill is still off in a world of his own when the Police Commissioner barges back into the Goodies' office and spots him.
PC: "Hang on. What's that he's sucking?!" Tim: "It's only lemon sherbet."
PC: "Oh that's alright then. I thought it might be … certain substances! Carry on Sir."
However when Bill starts having visions and accompanying ecstatic reactions to them, the Police Commissioner barks "He sees things? What things?! I want to have a look! Perhaps he's seeing obscene visions! I shall confiscate them!"
After seeing the "pleasing effect" of a kaleidoscopic pattern on the screen, Bill's next vision is definitely obscene – an image of Tony Blackburn! This prompts the Police Commissioner to snap "Who's that poof?!", before Graeme reassures him that Bill only wants to be on "Top Of The Pops". Bill's next vision of a "laughing policeman" has the Police Commissioner outraged at the undignified thought of the police being nice and happy to members of the general public ("What's he doing? Stop that! Sergeant, hit him!"), but it leads on to the Goodies becoming laughing, joy-spreading, flower-tossing members of the police force themselves.
The rarely-screened "Playgirl Club" then gives Bill's sherbet trips a notable change in direction. Tim is undertaking his first "gender bender" role as Mitzi to infiltrate the women-only Playgirl Club on a mission for one of the Goodies' clients, however Bill and Graeme are worried about his lengthy disappearance.
Graeme: He's been gone a long time, hasn't he?!" Bill: "Three weeks."
Graeme: "What do you think he's doing?"
Bill: "C'mon, what would you be doing if you were in a place like that, hey?!"
Graeme (shocked): "No he can't do *that*! Not when he's dragged up like Queen Victoria!"
Bill (rather flippantly): "Maybe he's told them he's really a fella!"
Graeme: "Well they'd think he's a funny looking fella dressed in a crinoline."
Bill: "Look, wire me up to the screen and I'll see if I can get him on the old lemon sherbet line, hey?"
Graeme: "Think you can?" Bill (wistfully, holding his sherbet aloft) "I shall suck it and see!"
After another pretty kaleidoscopic pattern and a fleeting glimpse of Tony Blackburn, Bill focuses in on three beautiful ladies relaxing on a couch inside the opulent Playgirl Club and starts to flip out over them. Another much plainer-looking woman parks herself in the middle of them as a turned-off Bill moans "Ooh, I don't fancy that one!" Graeme realises that it's Tim, but immediately a "censored" placard blocks the screen and their spying mission is thwarted, necessitating them to enter the Playgirl Club themselves as Wolves, the male equivalent of Bunnies.
The next episode, "The Greenies", also sees Bill's sherbet visions put to use in surveillance camera mode by wiring him up to the Vicar's TV set to enable the Goodies to eavesdrop on a top-secret army meeting at the base on nearby Penrudden Hill. Their mission is successful, hearing all of the army commander's plans, such as "There are several possibilities for this missile testing range, but this site here is completely barren. Nobody lives there, nothing grows there, nobody wants it, there's obviously something wrong with it. So we won't go *there*!" The bugging mission comes to a sudden halt when Bill overheats, blowing his mind ("Wheee!") and the Vicar's TV set in the process, but the Goodies are now armed with enough information to thwart the army's dastardly plans.
At the end of the first series, the Goodies were apparently requested by the BBC to drop the lemon sherbet visions from future episodes, probably because the BBC was concerned that the family-friendly time slot that the show was being screened in might have led to viewer complaints about the drug-like connotations of Bill tripping out and seeing psychedelic visions. Who knows, maybe LSD stands for "Lemon Sherbet Delirium" after all!
This seemed to work in The Goodies' favour though as they were then able to use many other scenarios for plot development rather than potentially overusing that one particular concept to kick the storylines along. While Bill's lemon sherbet visions are ultimately confined to being an enjoyable feature of the first series, he can still be seen quietly sucking away on his sherbet tube at times in later episodes such as "The Music Lovers", "Antiques", "The New Office", That Old Black Magic and the "A Collection Of Goodies" special. Definitely a case of "It's whatever turns you on!"
Website article & photo gallery:
Next theme: Newsreaders As The Headline Act
7. GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW #30 – CUSTARD PIE
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Hi there pop pickers and welcome to another Goodies Music Review.
WHO?
Fresh from her big night out at The Policeman's Opera, Peaches Stiletto (aka Linda Kay) is back at work patrolling the beat once again, but this time in an undercover (and under the covers) role as Miss Heifer from the Playgirl Club. Not everyone approves of her, least of all her taste in red knickers with green spots, however after witnessing the crinkly-haired, crazy-staring Policewoman Edwina Krum bathing nude in the park pond in a misguided attempt to improve the police force's image, it's likely that the general public is still sufficiently traumatised not to even bother filing a further complaint with the CIB Obscenities Squad (who are all preoccupied with bopping their "shiny shoes" along to the Little Laddies anyway). This should give Peaches the blue light to apply the long arm of the law to as many potential strong, hairy and virile Wolves as she likes, with them gladly accompanying her back to the station afterwards.
Meanwhile Emperor Caligula (aka Brett Allender) has also had a bizzie time of things, forming part of the very thick blue line at the Goodies' Wembley concert, though he was crushered that Tim didn't ask him to "Come on Wild Thing, hold me tight ... not quite that tight!" during the show. Sadly the Emperor's attempt to make himself stand out among the crowd of boys in blue ended in utter humiliation, as after taking off his gun, baton and helmet to appear less intimidating, the subsequent removal of the rest of his police uniform to complete the transformation left him with no choice but to arrest himself for indecent exposure. To make matters worse, he's also suffering the after-effects of the Policeman's Ball, which is apparently even more painful than housemaid's knee, flunky's feet and butler's bum put together!!
And so before we lock them both up and throw away the key, it's time to cross over to Pinetree's freshly-painted black and white movie studio and your dessert-loving DJs with their review of "CUSTARD PIE" by The Goodies.
WHERE? WHEN?
"Custard Pie" can be heard on the "Yum Yum – The Very Best Of The Goodies" CD and the 70's album "The New Goodies LP"
WHAT?
Lyrics: sung mainly by Bill, with contributions from Graeme and Tim.
Ladies and Gentlemen. (Hey!) Here are the Goodies bringing you the recipe for eternal happiness. (Hallelujah!)
(Ooh la la la la la la la la, Ooh la la la la la la la la, Ooh la la la la la la la la, Ooh la la la la la la la la)
Well if you feel bad and you've got the blues, you mustn't take drugs, you mustn't drink booze
There's only one thing gonna get you high, and that is … custard pie
Custard (custard pie), I gotta get me some custard (custard pie)
Oh we're bringin' you custard (custard pie), yeah, custard pie
(Ooh la la la la la la la la, Ooh la la la la la la la la)
When you've got a gal that you wanna win, here's what to do if she won't give in
Pull her up close, turn out the lights, slip her a great big juicy slice of custard (custard pie)
You gotta give her some custard (custard pie), gotta love ya for custard (custard pie), ooh, custard pie
(Ooh la la la la la la la la, Ooh la la la la la la la la, Ooh la la la la la la la la, Ooh la la la la la la la la)
Prices rising, trouble all over the place (I know it, I know it, I know it)
Here's a good way to put a smile on your faces (love it, love it, love it)
It's ever so easy and we'll show you the way (show it, show it, show it)
Come on everybody, hold it up high, everyone ready for the custard pie
(Ooh la la la la la la la la, Ooh la la la la la la la la)
[spoken:]
Right, you all know what I'm talkin' about? (Yes) And what do you think of custard pie? (Mmm, mmm) Is there anyone around here that I can give a custard pie? (Yeah) Are you gonna let him have a custard pie? (Yeah) And will you let me have one right now? (Yeah) OK get ready to spell it. Give me a C (C) and now a U (U) let's have an S (S) and then a T … A … R … D. Give it to me, give it to me, custard pie. [splat] Wooow!
Custard (custard pie), you gotta hit 'em with custard (custard pie), a whole lotta custard (custard pie)
Oh I want a little custard (custard pie), I'm a-crazy for custard (custard pie), oh don't ya know I love custard pie
Mama's little baby loves custard, custard, Mama's little baby loves one more pie
Custard (custard pie), c'mon and give me more custard (custard pie), oh don't you know I want custard (custard pie)
Oh I want custard (custard pie), Miles and miles of custard (custard pie), yeah more custard pie
Give it to me, give it to me, give it to me. [splat] Custard PIE!
-----
If you've got the Sick Man Blues and want to turn things around from Baddie to Goodie, there's only one way to climb back up that giant beanstalk of life again, according to our musical agony aunt Billykins. And remarkably it doesn't involve any assistance from the dope-smoking Dreadcorps from the last music review nor even a crafty snort of lemon sherbet to soar up above one's little problems in a psychedelic haze of delirium. No, by simply mixing together the choice ingredients of cackleberries, moo juice and doughballs to whip up the recipe for eternal happiness – the custard pie - Bill's brulee-iant idea is for us not to pannac(otta), but instead take a fraiche new a-poach to a life that previously lactose moments of sheer egg-citement. You'd butter believe it, this is one tasty treat of a song that's starching to moo-ve up the charts rather quichely thanks to the Goodies enthusiastic singing and spelling, and it's showing no signs of running out of puff. Even if you are a bit of a shortcrust with a pastry complexion you can still get the affections of that gal you wanna win just by slipping her a great big juicy slice (preferably of custard pie, though it's whatever turns you on!) ... but if she turns out to be a real tart then you can always give her a pie in the eye like Luckless Larry instead (although you just might bust a keaton in the process if you're not careful!)
WHY?
(Peaches Stiletto):
Long associated with comedy in its purest and puréed form, the custard pie has been a symbol of messy merriment since the silent movie era, certainly reaching its peak (necessary for any proper whipped topping!) in the classic Laurel and Hardy short The Battle of the Century in which pies are bandied about until the results resemble the aftermath of a major snowstorm! Surely this crusted and trusted comedy tool deserves its own anthem, and The Goodies are willing to do homage to the filling in this old-time revival hymn honoring the créme de la créme of comic convention. The bouncy melody whips us into a frenzy as they egg us on with promises of eternal happiness and confectionary bliss. Apparently custard pies will not only make us laugh but will get us high and make a rather messy aphrodisiac. Who knew there were so many uses for this cooked-up comedic creation? Yes, it's a sweet little number as they're bitin' the pie tin on this one. We're even treated to one of Bill's classic singing screams (which can't be too easy to do with a mouth full of custard). It may be just desserts to some and mammy's little baby may love shortnin' bread but give me this splatter platter any day!
(Emperor Caligula):
A comedy staple ever since the long-gone silent movie days of the Keystone Cops, Charlie Chaplin and Lavatory Meadows (... er, WC Fields!), the good old custard pie gets its right serve with this dairy fine tribute song. Unlike the shepherds pie, where you firstly have to peel two shepherds, or the vanilla slice, otherwise known in Aussie slang as the "snot block" for good reason, the humble custard pie is yummy and so easy to put together. All you need is a bowl of custard (though be careful to check for elephants with yellow painted soles hiding upside-down in it first!) and that chunk of dough that Bill has been spinning around on the record turntable and voila, you've made yourself a treat that's not to be trifled with. Besides hitting people in the face with them, custard pies have many and varied uses – such as in weight loss mathematics (where the surface area of an obese glutton can be calculated with the formula of pie arse squared!) or in weather forecasting where the outlook is "jelly today and hot timbale!" And of course they're a favourite of the celebrity chefs on their cooking shows ... in fact we're trying to negotiate a 10 round throwdown at the Wigan Pie Eater's Club between Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsay, but apparently they're holding out for a cream pie and tomato sauce battle in the "Naked @#$%& Bunfight" at Pennenink instead, so if you don't want to be a clot, whip on down there! Now you might think I'm the bain-marie of your existence and deserve a thorough bake or to be skimmed alive for such corn(flour)y lines, however it's songs like this one that merely egg me on, so you can hardly put the blancmange me for milking it for all it's worth!
HOW!
Using the Black Pudding Rating System:
III Goody Goody Yum Yum (Peaches Stiletto)
III Goody Goody Yum Yum (Emperor Caligula)
THE BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM
IIIII - Superstar.
IIII - Officially Amazing.
III - Goody Goody Yum Yum.
II - Fair-y Punkmother.
I - Tripe on t' pikelets.
Next music review:
October – Taking You Back
8. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
***********************
(a) Graeme
(b) Tim and his troop of ancient boy scouts
(c) Scoutrageous
(d) "Listen to Radio Goodies ... boom!"
(e) A fiver
(f) "A Walk In The Black Forest"
(g) By towing the whole country outside the five mile limit
(h) "You're a megalomaniac!"
YOUR SCORE:
8 Mastermind Of The Year
7 Goodies fan supreme
5-6 Clever clogs
3-4 Reasonably Goodie
1-2 Thick as old boots
0 Rolf Harris!
9. GOODIES CROSSWORD SOLUTION
*****************************
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NEXT C&G EDITION:
- #142: 15th September 2007.
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The Goodies Fan Club Clarion and Globe is copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 2007. All rights reserved.
Permission to reproduce this work or any section of it, in any form must first be obtained from the copyright holders.
For further information regarding this publication please e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>.
For other general enquiries about the 'Goodies Rule - OK' fan club or 'The Goodies' itself, please e-mail enquiries@goodiesruleok.com
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