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GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW #24  -  BOUNCE

(from C&G #129  August 2006)

Hi there pop pickers and welcome to another Goodies Music Review.

WHO?

It's been nearly a whole year since we last had a music review from Emperor Caligula (aka Brett Allender) and Peaches Stiletto (aka Linda Kay), mainly because they have been trapped ... repeat trapped, in the stomach of a prehistoric monster, miles and miles below ground.  We couldn't be bothered sending help and didn't even need to send a good ventriloquist as the Emperor had his wooden dummy of Tony Blackburn with him (or was it the real Tony ... who could tell?!)  However once Tony told everyone that he only liked "gugglegum music and especially Little Jimmy Osmond", even the most "reckless loony" of potholers wouldn't go within a Tyrannosaurus Rex's roar of them.  Finding that there was surprisingly little to do in a stomach apart from getting into neolithic man (is that legal?!), developing a craving for cheese and chutney sandwiches, and wearing doughnuts in strange places, the Emperor and Peaches made a futile attempt to escape using their Union Jack flagpole as a toothpick before sprinkling castor oil and senna pods around and getting themselves out in a bigger hurry (and bigger mess) than anything that the caveman's daughter Dina saur in her entire life!  So for more Jurassic jokes, Paleolithic puns and Budgiec-age babble, let's now cross to your "do the bounce" –ing DJs for their review of "BOUNCE" by The Goodies.

WHERE? WHEN?

"Bounce" can be heard on the 1970's album "The Goodies Greatest", as a single (with "Good Ole Country Music" on the flip side) and in the episodes 'Goodies Rule OK' and 'The Goodies – Almost Live'

WHAT?

Lyrics (from the single version): sung by Bill, with contributions from Tim and Graeme

Come along everybody, let's bounce for Britain

Bounce?!

Come on everybody, and that means you

We've got a little thing, that we want you to do

It's so easy, bend your knees, and you and me can do it together

You can bet you won't forget it, once you've got it here we go

Go, we want you all to know, it's better than the quick step, a quick quick slow

You better get ready, you better get to it, gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta do it!

Gotta bounce bounce bounce, oh come along

Bounce bounce bounce, give a little

Bounce bounce bounce, everybody bounce

Bounce bounce bounce, let me see you

Bounce bounce bounce, show us how you

Bounce bounce bounce, come and do the bounce (Wheee!)

Bounce to your partner, bounce to the wall

Bounce like a gerbil, bounce like a ball

Not a care, not a worry, in the air and we're away now

Never worry, what's the hurry, you can find the time to bounce

High, everybody try, give a little bounce, let the world go by

Bounce to the left, no, bounce to the right, b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bounce all night!

Bounce bounce bounce, look at me

Bounce bounce bounce, I'm happy when I

Bounce bounce bounce, everybody bounce

Bounce bounce bounce, any fool can

Bounce bounce bounce, even you can

Bounce bounce bounce, come and do the bounce

Bounce bounce bounce, c'mon do the boonce, och aye (Wheee!)

Bounce bounce bounce, do you want to do the bounce? (Wheee!)

Do the bounce, do the bounce, do the bounce, you vill do der bounce! (Wheee!)

Do the bounce, do the bounce, do the bounce, voulez vous, bounce

Bounce bounce bounce, bounce bounce bounce, bounce bounce bounce, everybody bounce boyos

Bounce bounce bounce, bounce bounce bounce, bounce bounce bounce, would you care to bounce?

Bounce bounce bounce, sure do like to bounce

The Goodies have invented a brand new dance, only this time there's no need for Lionel Bleeah's la-de-dah learn-to-dance kit, Graeme's expert step-by-step (with wet feet on an electric lead) Disco Heave instructions or even a Pan's Granny or three to provide a delectable demo of how to do the Loony Moth, Slimy Toad or Festering Ferret.  No, this one is a real easy one – just look the part ("If only I had a Union Jack waistcoat … ah, here's one!"), bend your knees and bounce up and down repeatedly to this highly infectious tune until you are tied to a chair by someone who is getting sick of watching you (or sick from watching you) jumping around like a gerbil, a ball or a stark raving nutter.  Just don't do it near an open window or a balcony or you might find that you don't bounce so well when the next chorus comes along, though if you happen to land on Nicholas Parsons and squash him, then at least the approval rating of your Bouncing Party will take a big jump upwards at the next general election.

WHY?

(Peaches Stilletto):

Hop to it, music lovers!  What Britains need is a good spring in their step and this tune will cause one to leap for joy.  You're bound to love this jaunty number, which does for vertical aerobics what Charles Atlas did for bulging biceps.  With a spring in its step this song appeals to a variety of music tastes, skipping from one format to another as lithely as a kangaroo.  Couch potatoes may recoil in horror as the vivacious chorus compels one to put a bounce in their behind . . . I dare anyone listening to this number NOT to feel the urge to follow suit!  Drawbacks of course are possible whiplash (depending upon the level of energy one gives over to their urges), loss of pocket change and misinterpretations of pounding bed frames on one's wall by annoyed neighbors.  But these are minor repercussions compared to the greater benefits.  I might go so far as to suggest this song be replaced as England's new national anthem.  After all, how much war could take place if everyone were gyrating up and down all the time?  Ebullience for peace, I say!!

(Emperor Caligula):

Without leaping to conclusions this song appears to have sprung up from the 'Goodies Rule OK' special where Tim urges everybody to "Bounce For Britain", and this is the one patriotic speech that was (re)bound to get those "krauts, frogs and wops" bopping along in harmony.  Apparently it was a particularly big hit in Czechoslovakia in those days of Communist hardship, especially among the prisoners in the local jails (there were bad Czechs bouncing all over the place!!) and indeed even the Welsh boyos and the Scots were happy to "do the boonce, och aye".  Although the Nationwide presenter was of the opinion that the 'Bounce' was the most serious problem since the Black Death, it was obvious that someone must have clobbered him on the head with a black pudding shortly after he expertly walloped the psychologist in 'Kung Fu Kapers' and erased all recollections of Rolf Harris, Des O'Connor and Max Bygraves from his memory bank.  The lucky fellow!  Sadly the craze was over all too soon as the exhausted voters bounced the Goodies out of office and elected a bunch of motionless plastic dummies instead – who still appear to be running the Parliament even today!  However you've now got the lyrics and if you can recoil how the catchy tune goes, you and your off-spring can make every year a leap-year by merrily bouncing away at the disco all night, though if you've only got the one leg you'd be well advised to go to the hop instead.  How re-vaulting!

HOW!

Using the Black Pudding Rating System:

IIII Officially Amazing (Peaches Stiletto)

III 1/2  Amazingly Goody (Emperor Caligula)

THE BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM

IIIII - Superstar.

IIII  - Officially amazing.

III   - Goody goody yum yum.

II    - Fair-y punkmother.

I     - Tripe on t' pikelets.