» #10 Oct 2006
THE GOODIES CLARION AND GLOBE
THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK' FAN CLUB
Issue No. 10 12th September 1996
Welcome all once again. It’s been a great month for the club. The homepages have undergone a few changes and there are more still to come. We also had our first Video Night in Adelaide, which was enjoyed by all. You’ll find info on all that, as well the complete guide to Goodies related web sites and a great article by Vanessa Meachan with help from Rohan Byrnes, on edits made by the ABC to Goodies episodes. Read on...
1. ADELAIDE VIDEO NIGHT REPORT
2. BOFFO IDEAS
4. THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO GOODIES RELATED WEB SITES
5. THE GOODIES VS. THE ABC - PART 1 by Vanessa Meachen with help from Rohan Byrnes
6. GOODIES TRIVIA QUIZ
7. DID YOU KNOW?
1. ADELAIDE VIDEO NIGHT REPORT
The first real life get-together of club members was a great success. Sure, there were only eight of us, but we all enjoyed getting together, chatting about our favourite TV show, eating junk food and watching SEVEN episodes in a row. That must have been a personal best for most of us.
One of the best things about the night was seeing favourite episodes that we hadn’t seen for a while. I particularly enjoyed seeing “Saturday Night Grease”, which features some spectacular visual scenes, including Greased Cycling and a finale of famous film and stage dance sequences. If you haven’t seen this episode, you probably won’t believe this, but Graeme made a fabulous Olivia Newton-John (or Olivia Newton-Grayboots) and Tim was very funny as John Travolta (or Tim Revolta). The Goodies night also gave many people the chance to see various Goodies and Goodies-related memorabilia for the first time, such as one of the ISIRTA records, The Goodies File and books like “Bill Oddie’s Gone Birding” and “Tim Brooke-Taylor’s Golf Bag”.
I’d like to thank everyone for coming, as Daniel Frankham said “it’s great to put a face to the ascii”. I’d also like to thank Daniel for bringing his videos, tapes and books and Alexandra, Chris, Daniel, Angela, Liz and Liz’s friend for bringing food and drink AND a special thanks to Marf Shopmyer who gave us a ring, all the way from South Carolina, at 7am AND in the middle of a hurricane.
If anyone in other cities or countries is thinking of hosting a video night, go for it! And do let me know, so I can advertise it in this newsletter.
2. BOFFO IDEAS
HOMEPAGES AND PETITION
As you will have noticed, the homepage were updated a few weeks ago. Nik Whitehead and myself try to keep the pages relatively up to date and we’re always looking for ways to improve them. There will hopefully be some more improvements to the pages taking place soon. Recently joined club member Helen Challens <firstname.lastname@example.org> has offered to construct an automated joining and member’s profile form. This will make it much easier for new members to join. All new members will have to do is fill in the membership profile form and they will receive an introductory letter and a copy of the latest C&G within minutes. Plus their profile will go up on the member’s profiles page immediately. Hopefully you’ll also be able to update your member’s profile form on-line.
Helen is also working on an on-line petition, which will enable anyone to sign our petition to get The Goodies re-screened by the ABC, instantly. Currently you can sign the petition by e-mailing me and ever since the homepages have been updated I’ve had plenty of e-mail regarding that (as well as quite a few of them joining the club). You can also help with the petition by e-mailing me and I’ll send you a copy of the official petition form and cover letter. These are both Microsoft Word files, so if you don’t have Microsoft Word, you can simply copy the cover letter from the homepages and make your own petition form, with spaces for NAME, ADDRESS and SIGNATURE. But hopefully when Helen’s pages are up and running, you’ll be able to download the official petition form and cover letter too.
We’ll let you know when these pages are up and running and remember if you’ve got any ideas to improve the pages feel free to e-mail me <email@example.com>, Nik Whitehead <firstname.lastname@example.org> or Helen < email@example.com>.
MORE ON THE PETITION
from Nat Clark <NHCLA1@student.monash.edu.au>
“I'm the editor of Monash University Gippsland Campus Newspaper `The Oxalian'...it's a small paper, but its a hell of a lot of work. Cut to the chase - Me and my other editor, Trav are thinking of putting in the petition and an article on the Goodies and other TV shows that aired when we were kids.”
I’d like to thank Nat and Trav from The Oxalian for their up-coming article and to all those at Monash’s Gippsland Campus, look out for it!
BILL AS ASTERIX
From Nik Whitehead <firstname.lastname@example.org>
On Saturday August 17th BBC1 screened 'Asterix and the Big Fight', with the voice of Asterix being provided by Bill Oddie. I believe he's voiced Asterix in the English-language versions of several of the feature-length Asterix films, all of course, with an outrrrageous frrrench accent.
STUFF FROM THE BROOKE-TAYLOR FAMILY SWAG
The following bits of Goodies trivia were pinched (without permission) from BritComedy Digest, the net’s fabulous e-zine on all that’s British and funny.
***Goody Goody*** (from the Brit Comedy News section)
What's former Goodie Bill Oddie up to? He is the narrator of six short children's one-off dramas from Europe which debuted recently on ITV. The first, a Dutch production called "Billy the Rat," told the story of how a young boy befriended a rat.
***The Astronauts*** (information from “Made In The USA” by Michelle Street, a fascinating article on Trans Atlantic comedy crossings)
The short lived ITV sitcom “The Astronauts” written by Graeme Garden and Bill Oddie and broadcast in 1981, was to have become an American sitcom. A pilot was made in 1982 by CBS called (predictably enough) “The Astronauts”, but the series was never made. (According to David Budd’s “The Definitive UK Sitcom List” [gopher://info.mcc.ac.uk:70/00/miscellany/sitcom/sitcom.all] The Astronauts was about “three astronauts and a dog and their boring routine lives”.)
If you’d like to subscribe to BCDigest (and believe me, it’s worth it) e-mail LISTSERV@LISTSERV.AOL.COM with SUBSCRIBE BCDIGEST-L FIRSTNAME LASTNAME (eg. SUBSCRIBE BCDIGEST GRAEME GARDEN) in the body. Or visit their web site at http://www.prairienet.org/britcom/BD
BILL IN DANGER MOUSE?
According to Jim Means <email@example.com> “the only real reason to watch Danger Mouse is to hear Bill Oddie's voice. If only Danger Mouse would just once say "I'M A GOODIE!". But I’ve also heard that Bill Oddie was not in Danger Mouse. Can anyone confirm this?
TASMANIAN UNIVERSITY UNION SIDEBURN APPRECIATION SOCIETY
I received e-mail recently from David Wright who is President of the newly formed Tasmanian University Union Sideburn Appreciation Society. Apparently they are big fans of Graeme Garden and he is one of *THE* people they look up to in terms of facial hair growth. So, since there are quite a few club members at Tasmanian University, I just thought I’d let you know.
4. THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO GOODIES RELATED WEB SITES
Where to look on the web for information on The Goodies.
maintained by Melinda Casino <firstname.lastname@example.org>
These pages were formerly the pages of original The Goodies Fan Club. They contain heaps of information including the ultimate Goodies FAQ, lyrics to several Goodies songs, some great pictures (including a fabulous picture of The Goodies on their trandem) the fabulous...
MATTHEW K. SHARP’S GOODIES PROGRAMME GUIDE
maintained by Matthew K Sharp <email@example.com>
The ultimate programme guide, with plot descriptions of each episode, a list of guest stars and crew members, transcripts of the Heanz ads, a list of spoof ads, theme song lyrics and a list of Monty Python references.
Download a transcript of one of the best Goodies episodes, Earthanasia, as well as over 20 pictures. Please note this is the transcript of the slightly edited version screened by the ABC and it contains several illogical cuts.
maintained by Keith Topping
A fascinating and well researched article on The Goodies, in 4 parts. Some of the information in it was new to me as the article set The Goodies in the perspective of Britain in the seventies. Especially recommended for non Brits. There are also some great photos and quotes.
maintained by Frauke Nonnenmacher
This page contains a DIY “I’M A GOODY” badge and you can also download The Goodies logo and some sound files.
Heaps of information on British comedies and featuring several Goodies programme guides.
maintained by Paul Leach
A short page featuring biographies and information on the show. You can also download a photo of the cast (Tim Brooke-Taylor, John Cleese, Graeme Garden, David Hatch, Jo Kendall and Bill Oddie). In addition, there’s a link to a Goodies picture, which you can download. It is from “The Goodies File” and was also included in the UK Goodies video releases. Also linked to this page is...
maintained by Paul Leach
This page also contains cast (Tim Brooke-Taylor, Graeme Garden, Willie Rushton, Barry Cryer, Humphrey Lyttelton, Colin Sell and Samantha) biographies, information and photos. Also well worth a look are the show transcripts and games description. And make sure you check out the links the Mornington Crescent homepage.
Information on The Goodies and on various other comedies. Well worth a look, it includes information on where Bill and Graeme went to school, but I’m not sure whether it’s accurate or not. Plenty of great links too.
5. THE GOODIES VS THE ABC - Part One
by Vanessa Meachen <firstname.lastname@example.org> with help from Rohan Byrnes
All Australian viewers of The Goodies know the feeling only too well; you're halfway through an episode. You're laughing your head off. Then, all of a sudden, there is a jump in the filmprint. There's a burst of laughter, but you don't know what at. And characters are suddenly in totally different positions from where they were before. Is this a plot by Nasty Person to confuse us? Or is Mrs Desiree Carthorse at work? No, what we are facing is an enemy more dastardly than anything else faced by our intrepid heroes. It's the scissors of the ABC censors!
Over the years the ABC have been responsible for making many snips to The Goodies, ranging from tiny cuts of one-liners all the way up to two whole Goodies 'adverts' cut from Season One. Sometimes they are easy to spot, because of the unexplained bursts of laughter mentioned above, but others are not so obvious. Between the cuts made by the ABC for the sake of 'decency' and those made by Channels Seven and Ten (to fit in adverts) during their screenings of the program, Goodies fans in Australia have never seen some of the episodes in their uneviscerated versions. Fortunately, a white knight has appeared on the horizon - in the shape of Foxtel's UK-TV.
UK-TV has been screening The Goodies twice a day since it began transmitting in August. The good news for fans is that episodes have been totally uncut (with one notable exception - 'The Stolen Musicians' - in which many pieces of music have been removed by BBC Enterprises, presumably to avoid the trouble of organising performance approvals). The bad news, of course, is that Foxtel is still unavailable to many people. Here, therefore, is a list of the cuts made by the ABC during the first three series of The Goodies. These are the cuts that I noticed, through a comparison of the ABC copies
and the UK-TV copies. I don't *think* I've missed any.
Note: The episode numbers and titles are taken from Matthew Sharp's episode guide: the bits cut by the ABC are within square brackets [ ]
#1: The Tower of London - 2 cuts
When Bill is first shown sucking on his lemon sherbet, there is a small cut:
TIM: Keep going, keep going!
[A shot of a topless girl on a beach appears on the screen. The topless girl is replaced by a kaleidoscopic pattern.
Bill: Oh, it's gone.
GRAEME: Keep sucking, you fool!]
Slide on screen: NORMAL SERVICE WILL BE RESUMED AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
An entire 'advert' was also cut from this episode. It occurs after the ad for the Goodies Tea Set.
[A girl is standing at a washing machine.
GIRL: Oh, wash days! Look at this pile of washing. I don't know what I'm going to do!
Tim enters, wearing a shiny white suit and holding a box of Fairy Puff washing powder.
TIM: Hi there, kitten! I'm the Fairy Puff man. (Sings) Gets right to the dirt of the wash! That's me! Hey kitten, that dress you're wearing is grey, grey, grey, grey, grey!
GIRL: I know, but what can I do?
TIM: Here, kitten. Take that dress off and put it in this washing machine with Fairy Puff. (Sings) Gets right to the dirt of the wash!
The girl removes the dress and hands it to Tim.
TIM: Uh-uh, kitten, that underslip you're wearing is grey, grey, grey, grey, grey! Best take it off and we'll put it in as well.
The girl removes her slip and gives it to Tim.
Tim sings: Gets right to the dirt of the wash!
TIM: Oh-oh, kitten, those undies you're wearing are grey, grey, grey, grey, grey!
GIRL: I know, take them off and put them in the machine.
We see a head and shoulders shot of the girl as she removes her undies and gives them to Tim, who is leering at her.
GIRL: Now what are you going to do, hmmm?
TIM's leering changes to a look of uncertainty.
TIM (girly voice): I'm going to wash these clothes. I'm the Fairy Puff Man! (Sings): Gets right to the dirt of the wash! I'm a little Fairy Puff man, puff puff!]
#3, Love the Police - 1 cut
The only cut here occurs as the Goodies strip off to swim in the pond after their love-fest. In the ABC copy, we see Bill strip down to his red jocks, and the shocked expressions of onlookers, then it cuts to the courtroom door being opened. In between, the ABC copy is missing a five-second shot of Tim and Bill frolicking in the water, splashing each other and onlookers with water. Tim is topless and Bill is naked with a helmet held over 'the rude bits'. He turns away from the camera, revealing his bum. (Ruder and ruder!)
#5, The Greenies - 1 cut
The black and white print screened by the ABC in the seventies had a two-second shot of a topless girl cut from the 'advert', but this is intact in the colour copy screened during the last ABC repeat season.
#6, Cecily - 1 cut
An entire advert was cut from this episode.
[Tim is standing in a street, taking a photo of a pretty girl who is doing an arty pose for him. He takes the photo and turns to the camera.
TIM: Hello. My name's Bob Murray. You've probably seen me on television.
Caption: BOB MURRAY AS SEEN ON TELEVISION
TIM: That's me. I've just taken a photograph with my Supermatic, the camera that takes, develops and prints in just ten seconds. Well, ten seconds is up by now, so let's see what we've got.
Tim takes photo out of camera, peels it off the backing, holds it up to the camera. Close-up on photo. It's the same girl, in the same pose, but in the photo she's naked.
TIM: Yes, the Supermatic, the camera with a little imagination.]
#7, Radio Goodies - 2 cuts
GRAEME: There we are, it's only a small start, but I think I can promise that Radio Goodies will soon be the biggest and best commercial radio station in the country.
[TIM: And I'll be a famous disk jockey and have hundreds of little groupie girls offering themselves to me.
BILL: You filthy beast!
Bill and Tim laugh and nudge each other]
Bill and Tim sing: Radio Goodies!
There's also a 'bleep', or rather, a soundtrack drop:
Tim and Bill are watching Graeme drowning.
TIM: He would have wanted it this way.
BILL: No he [bloody] wouldn't!
#9, Sporting Goodies - 2 cuts
There are definitely two small cuts in this episode - while the 'sex test' is being discussed - but as the edited black and white ABC copy appears to be the only one in existence, we may never know what was cut.
Note: There appear to have been no other cuts in Season Two.
#22, The New Office - 1 cut
TIM: I know how to talk to workers. Now, look here, my good man -
BUILDER: [Get stuffed!]
This was in fact dubbed over by the ABC so the builder appears to be saying 'Get lost'.
#23, A Hunting We Will Go - 2 cuts
GRAEME: I know why he's all dressed up - he's after some bird!
[TIM: If I was after some bird I wouldn't need to dress up as a guardsman.
BILL: No, that's true. Must be after some feller.
TIM: As a matter of fact, it's Butcher.
GRAEME: Butcher than what?
TIM: No, my Great-Uncle Butcher.] I'm going to spend the weekend in the country with my Great-Uncle Butcher.
TIM: I am going to get married.
GRAEME: What? Who to?
TIM: The Hon. Lady Amanda Barrington Phipps Ponsonby Paddington Waterloo Charing Cross Crewe Alexandra Accrington Stanley Dave Dee Dozy Beaky Mick and Titch Carruthers Carruthers Smythe Junior. [Known to her friends as Big Knockers]
#25, Black Magic - 3 cuts
Witch Hazel: Oh come, oh come, oh mystical one!
Graeme enters room with 'Orrible Airy Spiders' placard.
GRAEME: [Cor, I'm knackered].
BILL: Look at this one. Witch's Manual, Volume 1. 180 dances to do round the campfire. What do you think that is? [A Bum in the Coven!] [Shot of photo of nude bum with headline 'BUM IN THE COVEN'.]
TIM: Ooh, I must look a sight!
[GRAEME: Wait a minute, wait a minute! Are you sure you're virgins?
BILL: Yes sir.
GRAEME: But she's got a beard.
TIM: That's why she's a virgin!
GRAEME: Fair enough.]
#26, The Lost Island of Munga
Tim is listening to the Queen on the phone.
QUEEN: If you want us to attend any fetes, bazaars or boat launchings, [get knotted].
#27, Way Outward Bound - 1 cut
MATRON: Have you been having a nice time?
BILL: No. [We're knackered.]
So, there you have it. Some of these cuts look positively ludicrous today, and are undoubtedly victims of The Goodies being screened in a children's timeslot instead of being treated as the `adult' program it was originally intended to be. Of course, if it hadn't been screened in a children's timeslot many of us wouldn't have grown to love it as kiddies.
Next issue I'll be documenting the cuts made in seasons 4-6, many of which were positively massacred by the ABC!
6. GOODIES TRIVIA QUIZ
This month’s question is:
There are many Monty Python references in The Goodies, but how many members of Monty Python actually appeared in The Goodies?
What does the above heading STUFF FROM THE BROOKE-TAYLOR FAMILY SWAG refer to?
ANSWER TO LAST MONTH’S QUESTION
a) Which episode does this quotation come from?
“And we’ve got _____ _____ all the way over in New York, so with any luck we shan’t be hearing from him”.
ANSWER: #63 Politics.
b) Who’s is the missing name?
ANSWER: David Frost.
Q: c) Which Goodie said it?
ANSWER: Yes, I’ve been mean again, it was actually said by broadcaster, David Dimbleby, who played the host of “Election Night Special”.
If you’d like to contribute a question to this section feel free to do so <email@example.com>
7. DID YOU KNOW?
According to “Life Before And After Monty Python” by Kim ‘Howard’ Johnson, an episode of The Goodies was to have been entered for the Montreux Comedy Festival of 1979, but it didn’t turn out as well as the BBC had expected, so an episode of Fawlty Towers was entered. Fawlty Towers did not, however impress the judges who disliked the “dumb foreigner” character of Manuel. The Goodies had already won 2 awards at Montreux, including the Silver Rose for the re-made version of Kitten Kong.
Well that’s it for this month’s C&G, I’ll leave you with a quote I found in “Comedy Review” magazine #5.
“Life isn’t Hollywood; it’s Cricklewood”
- Eric Morecambe.
This is an archive newsletter of The Goodies Rule - OK! International Fan Club (copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 1996). Some of the information in this newsletter may now be incorrect. Current information can be obtained from http://www.goodiesruleok.com