The Official Goodies Rule - OK! Fan Club Website

THE GOODIES CLARION AND GLOBE

THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK' FAN CLUB

Issue No. 53 12th May 2000

thegoodies@oztek.net.au

'The Goodies Rule - OK!'

Chadstone VIC 3148, AUSTRALIA

THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G

- David Balston and Catherine Sumnall.

- Rich Bradley, Kathleen Watson and Craig Wellington.

1. BOFFO IDEAS - Club happenings and ideas.

2. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.

3. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY - A Collection Of Goodies.

4. THE END - The Old Testament Ball.

You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail thegoodies@oztek.net.au with your comments, ideas or suggestions.

An extremely boffo idea even if we do say so ourselves, see the KKC&G for more details. Please note that the official video will be out soon. It's not ready yet, but we'll let you know when it is.

After four and half years Alison Bean is hanging up her black pudding and retiring as President of The Goodies Rule - OK! Alison is off to the UK on a working visa but wishes to stress that she does not intend to live in Earls Court, drinking Fosters and saying "G'day mate" a lot. Her place as club President will be taken by current Vice President Brett Allender. Brett's place will be taken by Catherine Carter. The club's Technical Officer, Tim Aslat, will be taking over control of the website. The rest of the committee will remain the same.

Brett, Catherine and Tim can all be contacted through the club's e-mail address - thegoodies@oztek.net.au

The current committee members are:

Brett Allender, Acting President

Catherine Carter, Acting Vice President

Richard Nolan, Treasurer

Tom Marwede, Acting Secretary

Tracey Baird, Projects Officer

Tim Aslat, Technical Officer

Alison would like to take this opportunity to thank the following people for making her time as President of The Goodies Rule - OK! officially amazing:

Brett Allender. - A loony, enthusiastic and totally wonderful Vice President who will excel as Acting President and will make the C&G his very own.

Tracey Baird. - Who had the faith, the knowledge and the enthusiasm to transform this club into the sort of club that could organise a successful convention and sell high-quality merchandise.

Tom Marwede and Richard Nolan. - For sharing their knowledge and for being totally brilliant committee members and convention organisers.

Tim Aslat. - Who has done so much for the club's website already, let alone what he's about to do. The future of on-line fan clubs is here and his name is Tim.

Catherine Carter. - Has a habit of making silly calls to my mobile, but that's why I love her. You'll love her too!

David Balston, Lisa Manekofsky and Catherine Sumnall. - The C&G's brilliant Ace Reporters who truly are fabulous individuals. See you in Stoke guys!

Liz Headland and Nick McCarthy. - Truly great friends and I will miss you both so much. Thanks for the laughs, the drinks and the fun times in Melbourne over the past few years.

Jamie Evangelista, Daniel Frankham, Andrew Pixley, Robert Ross, Marf Shopmyer and Keith Topping. - You guys are great! Thanks for the e-mails and the laughs. I hope to meet those of you in the UK very soon.

Tim Brooke-Taylor, Graeme Garden and Bill Oddie. - For putting up with me like true gentlemen.

Everyone I met at Kitten Kon. - For making my year, nay, my life.

Everyone else in the club not mentioned above. - You have excellent taste in comedy and I will miss you all.

THE CLUB WEBSITE

When we say you can contact Brett, Catherine and Tim at thegoodies@oztek.net.au we are in fact lying, well sort of. You see the server Oztek has recently been brought out by Big Blue and the website, e-mail address and mailing list will soon have to move to another server. We will let you know where ASAP.

MORE WEBSITE AWARDS

Once again the club's website has received some positive media attention. Australian internet magazine Netweek (www.netweek.com.au) listed us in the Editor's Choice TV section this month. Our award will shortly adorn the website.

And according to David Balston:

The latest Radio Times has a booklet about the world Wide Web with a link to the very best the web has to offer and naturally 'The Goodies Rule OK' gets a mention.

"They've never really gone away - but here are The Goodies in their prime on an enthusiastic fan site."

In fact the site is so special that they have also stuck a picture of the trio on the same page. The revolution starts here. :-)

More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen a Goodie recently, e-mail thegoodies@oztek.net.au with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! The Goodies this month:

TOP TEN COMEDY RECORDS

by Catherine Sumnall.

Skillfully preceding London's return to the Livingstone era, Channel 4's "Top Ten Comedy Records" show easily proved that bygone years have possessed some successes. The top ten ran as follows:

9. It Ain't Half Hot Mum

8. Rolf Harris (??? presumably meaning the records were a joke)

3. Benny Hill (most notably "Ernie - the fastest milkman in the west")

1. The Goons (not only allowing me to include ying tang iddle I po in two successive issues of C&G, but also featuring the priceless clips of Prince Charles doing Bluebottle!)

The Goodies section was an inexhaustible pool of pleasure - but of course I would say that. The scenes that have been allowed to fester in the archives for too long (not least of which was the Cambridge Footlights' appearance on the Ed Sullivan Show), endowed us with a segment of almost equally mixed cringes and laughter, as the inimitable three provided viewers with a long awaited memorial to the sheer poetry of "Black Pudding Bertha" and the poignant, totally serious cover of "Wild Thing".

Expert analysis on the flow of notes was provided by Tim, Graeme and Bill, alongside author, Mornington Crescent meister, and eventual ruler of the universe (when the Goodies Guide is released come 23rd May - a snip at any price!!!) Robert Ross. If this blatant conflict of interest doesn't make Private Eye, I doubt I ever will!

But valiantly back to the point. Graeme summed up beautifully, whimpering: "Bill always wanted to be a pop star, Tim is fearless and will just go for it, but me, I just felt such a fool."

And many thanks to Rich Bradley who transcribed the interviews:

Smarmy Tony Blackburn: "I don't know if you ever watch BBC2 television at 9:00 as I do, fabulous TV show called The Goodies, very funny..."

(clip from The Goodies of Tony being released into the wild and shot)

(Opening titles - The Goodies series 5)

Tim Brooke Taylor: "After the 1st series, the most depressing thing of all was we got a telegram from Mary Whitehouse saying she liked us. Later in the run we got a telegram objecting to us - I thought 'Yes! We've made it!'

"The Goodies were way ahead. A talent hothouse, The Cambridge Footlights."

(clip of Cambridge Footlights sketch from The Ed Sullivan Show, 1964)

"A source of very good talent indeed..."

(Black Pudding Bertha clip)

"...and Bill was a songwriter, apart from being a comedian, he was a very credible musician and songwriter."

Rick Wakemen (Musician and Comedy Archivist): "Bill was certainly a bit more than your average comedian, he was a bit more than your average musician as well - all the musos that worked with him (I met a couple) respected him very highly."

"Bill was a rock star, because he had so many hit records - in 1975 he was the 5th most successful songwriter in the country."

(Clip of The Inbetweenies)

Graeme Garden: "Bill always wanted to be a pop star, Tim is fearless and will just go for it - but me, I felt such a fool."

(Clip of The Funky Gibbon [love those denim dungaree flares guys])

Phil Jupitus (English comedian): "Funky Gibbon was an original piece about...a funky gibbon (dissolves into laughter)."

"Rick Wakeman: "Funky Gibbon isn't funny - it's got 1/2 a decent melody and in a strange way you can still dance to it."

BO: "I wouldn't make any great claims for Funky Gibbon being a major work! (laughs)"

TB-T: "I saw Billy Bragg [English political singer/songwriter] singing Funky Gibbon the other day, which was a bit of a shock! (Clip of Billy Bragg singing Funky Gibbon on the totally fantastic Harry Hill TV Show) I think it was 'ironic'."

(Clip from The Goodies And The Beanstalk - John Cleese shouting "Kid's programme!")

GG: "In the playground, which one did you play?"

"I used to be Bill Oddie, my mate Tony Lester used to be Graeme Garden, and Phillip Nice would be Tim Brooke-Taylor 'cos he was posh. And we'd be The Goodies around the playground while everyone else was going 'This parrot is dead!' and we were imagining 400-foot kittens."

(Clip of Twinkle wreaking havoc)

Caption: "WARNING! What you are about to see may damage your health"

GG: "In one of our shows a chap who was know for his huge belly laugh was enjoying it so much that he died laughing."

BO: "Tim came out doing Scottish martial art Och Aye The Noo with a pair of bagpipes (Clip from Kung Fu Capers of TBT in action) and hitting people - wasn't subtle - but apparently it killed him."

TB-T: "Nobody ever did that to Monty Python! Pshaw - bitter or what?"

Stuart Hall: "After 9 years and 70 episodes of The Goodies, the BBC turned Baddies on them. The spurned trio grasped a respectfully large ITV cheque with all 6 hands."

Lew Grade (Former Head of Entertainment, LWT): "I managed to snatch them away from the BBC with, I think, limited success - I think they'd probably peaked by the time we got them."

"LWT found it was a very expensive series to do, so they pulled it."

BO: "So it was a bit of a bad ending really - shame."

GG: "It's never been shown again on terrestrial broadcast."

Stuart Hall: "Since then Bill Oddie has returned to the BBC and flown to cloud cuckoo land; ("Birding with Bill Oddie" clip) and Tim Brooke-Taylor and Graeme Garden appear on the Radio 4 quiz "I'm Sorry, I Haven't A Clue".

(Clip of The Goodies as Pan's Grannies) The Goodies may funk no more - it's probably just as well."

TB-T: "Whatever anybody says I think it was enormous fun - I think it's most schoolboy's daydreams - to score a goal for England and to be on Top Of The Pops, and I haven't scored a goal for England - yet."

THE COMPLETE GOODIES

We cannot endorse more highly "The Complete Goodies" by Robert Ross, which will be released on 23rd May. It will be officially launched that evening at the National Film Theatre, London by Robert and The Goodies themselves. Unfortunately tickets for this event are sold out, but a complete report will appear in next month's C&G.

If you weren't the high bidder who paid $155 for a copy of "The Complete Goodies", autographed by Robert Ross and The Goodies, at the Kitten Kon auction you can pre-order a copy at a more modest price by heading to: http://thegoodies.oztek.com.au/bookshop.html#GoodGuide .

Tim Brooke-Taylor will be touring the UK in the play 'Why Me?' this summer.

The dates are as follows:

Churchill Theatre, Bromley - 27th July to 5th August.

Yvonne Arnaud Theatre, Guildford - 7th to 12th August.

Eden Court Theatre, Inverness - 21th to 26th August.

Theatre Royal, Norwich - 29th August to 2nd September.

Contact the theatres to book tickets.

BILL'S GOOD BOOK GUIDE

I came across a page on the Good Book Guide site which has a bit by Bill Oddie about what he likes to read (and why he doesn't like to read much).

I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE RETURNS

It was mentioned at the Woking 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue' that the series will begin on Monday 22nd May at 6.30pm UK time on Radio 4, repeated midday the following Sunday.

The special guest of the first show was Neil Mullarkey.

Some shows can now be heard via Real Audio from the BBC Radio 4 website, whether ISIHAC will be included is uncertain due to the fact that it is sold to Radio Stations worldwide. Try http://www.bbc.co.uk/audiovideo/ .

A GOODIES DOCUMENTARY?

Independent Producer Craig Wellington is currently planning a 1 hour documentary to explore the history and success of The Goodies on television, in books and in the pop charts. The program will also provide insight into the technical achievement getting The Goodies from script to screen represented and the creation of the effects the series required. Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor and Bill Oddie have all agreed in principle to participate in the program (ie. - it has to be funded and get off the ground). Robert Ross, author of "The Complete Goodies", has agreed to advise on the project.

It is now Wellington's task to secure funding and a broadcaster for the project, which is his current priority. The aim is to create an insightful, entertaining and revealing program for international viewing wherever The Goodies screened or still screens. The aim is to include interviews with the intrepid trio, technical personnel from the series, as well as footage from the show and other appearances, including Kitten Kon and the event at the National Film Theatre in May.

"It is very early days," said Wellington at Kitten Kon, "Everything hinges on funding, and the funding arrangements are what I am working on first. This will take time, so no-one should be jumping up and down with excitement yet. Fans will be kept posted via the Fan Club Newsletter."

AUNTIE'S GOLDEN BLOOMERS

The Goodies was featured in a special programme of out takes on BBC1 on Saturday 6th May called "Auntie's Golden Bloomers".

3. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY

Every other C&G we are proud to present one of BRETT ALLENDER's brilliant Goodies Episode Summaries. If you enjoy this summary we encourage you to buy his book of them, the proceeds of which will go to Kitten Kon. For more details see below.

A COLLECTION OF GOODIES - SPECIAL TAX EDITION

First screened: 24th September 1972

Bill and Graeme are playing Strip Scrabble (with Graeme getting ready to peel off his shirt after an unsuccessful challenge to a rather dubious word of Bill's!), but Tim is more worried about their desperate lack of finances and is therefore filling in a Tax Evasion form. Tim's attempts at claiming for items such as Bill being a dependent and for wear and tear on bodies are also very dubious, but a claim for a hundred weight of oats sends Graeme scurrying to his computer as he can't recall any such purchase.

The computer replays footage of the Goodies exercising in a gymnasium (which is covered in detail in the Classic Scenes section) and it turns out that Tim has claimed the oats for the runaway vaulting horse (which Bill so cruelly blasted with a rifle to stop it from terrorising Tim!). Talk of oats and hay only makes the Goodies think even harder about their impending starvation, but Tim remembers that he had previously purchased two items on sale which had been wrapped up for Christmas. The first package contains a piece of holly (that Bill desperately munches on), but the larger parcel holds a big plum pudding. Graeme isn't going to eat it until Christmas, but an early festive greeting from a starving Tim and the sight of Bill fleeing out the door with pudding in hand convinces him to go after Bill and get his share of pud too.

This leads to a rather surreal scene where the pudding is used by the Goodies and members of the public for various sports, including soccer, basketball, rugby and skittles, before friction reduces it to the size of a cricket ball (and in turn a tennis and hockey ball) and it eventually ends up being swallowed by Bill, although Graeme then holds a magnet over Bill's mouth in a vain attempt to recover the eight sixpences which were originally in the pudding!

The next claim is for nine assorted dresses, three bras and eight pairs of cammy knickers which, as the computer again reveals, were used by Pan's Grannies in a very groovy performance for Englebert and the Older Generation.

Likewise, a claim for 15 babies bottles and 15 nappies (though Graeme just can't bring himself to say THAT word!) brings a reminder via the computer of the Goodies Baby Service, where a busy Mum takes a rest while Bill throws 15 babies (out of a standard sized pram!) to Tim, who props them all up on Graeme's super-extendable leg! The babies are wheeled through a converted car wash and then pegged on a line before Bill dries them off (with a blowtorch!) and Tim puts them on a conveyor belt with automatic rotating milk bottles to take care of the feeding. Bill burps them each in turn with the help of a hand mounted on a long pole and heaves them back to Tim, who puts them back in the pram, with a jazz blast of Rock A Bye Baby from the three Goodies to finish the job.

Graeme points out that Tim can't claim for anything because in order to get a rebate, the Goodies need to have paid some tax in the first place, and to do that they also needed to have earnt some money. He figures that the easiest way to do this is to get into the entertainment industry, so the Goodies start at the top - performing to a queue of people lined up in the West End.

With the help of a change screen and a line of six pink-clad chorus girls, they put on a mighty show of street entertainment. Graeme blasts away on a trombone only for his arm to get longer and longer, Tim's attempt at blowing a French horn just unravels it (like a paper party whistle) and Bill can't even lift his tuba to play it properly, so he takes to wrestling the tuba in a makeshift ring. A policeman walks along the beat and is just checking the Goodies out when the chorus girls flit past and he dances off with them, so the Goodies try a juggling act instead. This creates a hell of a mess and the policeman returns, so he is tossed around in all sorts of manouevres by the Goodies until the chorus girls go past once more.

Captain Fearless's Performing Bushbabies are next on the bill (giving Graeme yet another chance to show off his "make a piece of fluff look alive" trick!) as one bushbaby takes the high dive from a ladder into a bowl of water on the ground, another rides a tiny unicycle and a further one leaps through a flaming hoop, only to lay ablaze on the street (with

Bill kindly stomping on it to put the flames out, then casually kicking it into the gutter!)

The Goodies pass their hats around only to find that nobody wants to donate anything for their efforts, so they pull their hats on and slink to the end of the queue - which happens to be filing into the local unemployment office!

* Tim (to Bill & Graeme): "Look! We are faced with desperate financial disaster and all you two can do is play Strip Scrabble!"

* Graeme (to Tim): "Ah, that's good actually, I see you've got Bill down as a dependent."

Bill (sucking his lemon sherbet): "A dependent! A dependent is a helpless liability!"

Bill: "Mmm, see your point!"

* Graeme: "At least the computer never tells lies."

Tim: "That's because it's got no fingers to cross!"

* Tim: "Fifteen babies, that's five babies each, so five child allowances each...(chortles)...well at least that's one claim that's legitimate."

Bill: "Ah, no, no, I'm afraid they weren't actually."

Tim: "What, none of them!"

Bill: "No! (giggles)"

* Graeme: "It's the easiest way to make money!"

Graeme: "Yes...No! Entertainment...but you were close!"

Graeme: "So that's what we do. Singing, dancing, telling a few jokes."

Bill: "Like Des O'Connor?"

* the entire gymnasium scene with the blue tracksuit-clad Goodies coming to grief on a variety of gym apparatus, including:

- Graeme dropping a medicine ball onto Tim (who is laying on a bench) only for it to crash straight through his stomach and onto the floor, with Graeme then reaching through the hole in Tim's stomach in a bid to pick the ball up and then popping his head up through the hole from underneath the bench, only for an annoyed Tim to push him back down again!

- Tim pulling on a set of Roman rings, with the ropes lengthening and dumping him on his rear on the floor.

- Graeme stretching out a wall-mounted muscle spring, with it rebounding and bouncing him back and forward through a hole in the wall a few times before he crashes out into the street

- Bill climbing up a series of bars on the wall to near the top only to fall off and hit the deck with his arms stretched all the way from the floor up to where he is still hanging on tight to the railing!

- Tim pulling on a climbing rope and ringing a bell, with a second pull of the rope bringing a gigantic bell down on top of him.

- Bill climbing a similar rope to find that the rope isn't tied to anything at the top, with the swishing of his hand in thin air followed by a worried look and a heavy tumble to the ground (in a scene straight out of a Road Runner cartoon!)

- The Goodies preparing to spring over a vault only to hear knocking inside, with the removal of the top piece seeing a series of POW's carrying picks and shovels escape from within and a further knock revealing a commandant ready to shoot (who is pushed back inside again). Bill vaults through a window and Tim springs into a basketball net, with Graeme then deciding to lower the vault, removing piece by piece (and encountering the gun wielding commandant again) until there is only the top piece left, then falling flat on his face when trying to hurdle over it!

- Tim getting a wild ride on a "bucking bronco" vaulting horse until Bill comes to the rescue with a blast from a conveniently located gun!

* The sensational sight of Pan's Grannies bopping away to a groovy 70's disco tune in their pink dresses, flowing shawls and cammy knickers, with a wild concert seeing them repeatedly fall off stage and smashing their instruments, then dancing out along a fence (which collapses from under them) and over a pedestrian crossing before coming to grief in a roadside culvert, no doubt to the bemusement of anyone who happened to be watching at the time!

* The whole Street Entertainers clip where the Goodies try all sorts of entertainment - from wrestling their instruments and getting a cop to join their line of chorus girls to a performance by Captain Fearless and his bushbabies - to impress a queue of people at the West End without raising a cent, only to find that the people were lined up to enter the local Labour Exchange!

An interesting compilation of five visual sequences which were filmed separate to the show (for screening on Englebert & The Young Generation) cleverly woven together by the central theme of the Goodies filling out their "tax evasion" form. Two of the segments (Gymnasium and Street Entertainers) are comparable to any Goodies visual scene for their inspired lunacy, while Pan's Grannies is fun (though it does go on a bit long) and Good Deed Day is OK without being great. The Plum Pudding sequence is rather pointless though, but on the whole it's a collection of goodies indeed.

While a copy of the original screening of this episode has recently surfaced in Britain, this special (to my knowledge) has never been screened in Australia (certainly not in any of the latter runs of 'The Goodies' on ABC TV) and has also not been shown on pay-TV as yet either. As with 'Playgirl Club', it would be great if it could be rescreened some day so that Australian Goodies fans could have the opportunity to see one of the few 'missing links' of the show - and a rather good one at that!

III - Goody goody yum yum

THE BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM

IIII - Officially amazing.

III - Goody goody yum yum.

II - Fair-y punkmother.

I - Tripe on t' pikelets.

** The next episode summary will be of episode 3-1 "The New Office" in the July edition. Next month's C&G will feature a music review. **

THE GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARIES

A reminder that the third (and final) edition of "The Goodies Episode Summaries" book by club Vice-President and resident Eddie Waring impersonator Brett Allender is now hot off the presses for your enjoyment.

Although many improvements on the original version were made in the second edition (such as an easier-to-read two column format and the addition of more than 100 photographs from various episodes), the third edition completes the oddie-sey by offering full summaries of every Goodies episode, even more new pictures, and the correction of many minor factual errors which went mostly undetected in the previous two editions.

"The Goodies Episode Summaries" is available for $20 (plus $4 postage within Australia and $14 to any overseas destination) and more details about the book and how to order it can be obtained from http://thegoodies.oztek.com.au/summary.html .

As always in The End, we end with a round from "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" the improvised comedy panel show staring Tim Brooke-Taylor, Barry Cryer and Graeme Garden and chaired by Humphrey Lyttleton, with Colin Sell at the piano and the lovely Samantha and Sven taking down the points. "ISIHAC" has been going for more than 30 series and is an icon of British radio comedy and a number of books and audio cassettes from the series are available from http://thegoodies.oztek.com.au/shop.html .

This month's "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" round is Late Arrivals at The Old Testament Ball, with guest panelist Sandi Toksvig:

Sandi: Mr and Mrs Goodness and Mercy Shall Follow Me All The Days Of My Life and their daughter Shirley.

Graeme: Mr and Mrs Fit De Battle Ob Jerico and their son Joshua and his brother Humph.

Tim: Mr and Mrs 121 I Lift Up My Eyes To The Hills and their son Sam.

Barry: Over there by the pillar, Mr and Mrs Lot, oh I'm sorry that is Mrs Lott.

Graeme: Mr and Mrs Bennett Lads This Burning Firey Furnace Is Hot and their son Gordon.

Sandi: Mr and Mrs A'bim and their daughter Cher, accompanied by Mr and Mrs Fim and their daughter Sarah.

Tim: All the way from Newcastle, Mr and Mrs Tyne and their daughter Phylis.

Barry: Why not relax at the bar where you can have a Jeraboem or a can of

Israel light. Ron and I are running the bar, if there's anything wrong it's due to Ron or me.

Graeme: And there's Mr and Mrs Lila and their cousin Sam, and there's Sam's son Andy Lila.

Sandi: Delighted to see Mr and Mrs Noah, plus two more, sorry four more, no six more.

Graeme: Rather grandly will you welcome please Mr and Mrs De Mighty Fallen and their son Howard.

Tim: Oh there's Tara Bagel, hello Tara.

Barry: It's cabaret time! With ABBA Cuck...

Graeme: ...and Ruby Murray, we were going to get Norman Wisdom but the price of wisdom is above rubies.

Humph: And so ladies and gentleman as the spectacular shag of time wheels high over the rockface of eternity before being sucked into the Pratt and Whitney jet engine of destiny....

Team C&G: ...and as the retired fan club President of optimism boards the hellish 27 hour flight of karmic fate, so ends this edition of the C&G. From Team C&G, it's goodbye.

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This is an archive newsletter of The Goodies Rule - OK! International Fan Club (copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 2000). Some of the information in this newsletter may now be incorrect. Current information can be obtained from http://www.goodiesruleok.com

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