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» # 66 Jun 2001
THE GOODIES CLARION AND GLOBE
THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK' FAN CLUB
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Issue No. 66 11th June 2001
CLUB WEBSITE
E-MAIL ADDRESSES
Newsletter enquiries: clarion@goodiesruleok.com
General enquiries: enquiries@goodiesruleok.com
POSTAL ADDRESS
'The Goodies Rule - OK!'
P.O. Box 325
Chadstone VIC 3148, AUSTRALIA
THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G
EDITOR
- Brett Allender
ACE REPORTERS
- David Balston
- Kay Dickinson
- Lisa Manekofsky
QUOTEMASTER:
- Brian Labza
CROSSWORD WHIZ
- David McAnally
C&G CONTRIBUTORS:
- Raymond Jennings, John Gathercole, Marilyn Burge, Phil Wadey
CONTENTS
1. QUIZ & QUOTE - Goodies brainteasers for you and you and you.
2. BOFFO IDEAS - Club happenings and ideas.
3. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings
.4. 2001 AND A BIT – Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.
5. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY - Invasion Of The Moon Creatures
6. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
7. THE GREAT GOODIES CROSSWORD
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1. QUIZ & QUOTE
QUOTE: "Hmm, if you ask me, even one 'dob' is a pretty scouty thing to say."
(a) Who is responsible for this quote?
(b) Who is he interrogating, and why?
(c) Which episode is this quote from?
QUIZ: This month's questions are from the episode "Gender Education", which features Mrs Desiree Carthorse of the "Keep Filth Off Television" campaign.
(d) How are the Goodies required to assist her?
(e) What is her response when asked "What does your husband do?"
(f) What does Bill say to Mrs Carthorse to shut her up when she starts to lecture him?
(g) Which children's show does Bill produce a disgracefully wicked and violent version of?
(h) Which Goodies song plays in the background as Bill goes on his mad rampage?
(i) What does Mrs Carthorse do upon spotting two lovebirds in action through Bill's telescope?
The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.
2. BOFFO IDEAS
You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> with your comments, ideas or suggestions - meanwhile these are the boffo ideas which our club has been working on this month:
BACK INSIDE THE 5 MILE LIMIT AGAIN
(by Brett Allender)
Well after an extremely eventful month involving a change of jobs, houses and cities, I'm finally back on the deck of the Good Ship Saucy Gibbon, and with a change of e-mail addresses too. Please note that my new address is <bretta@netcon.net.au>, although mail from my old <bretta@wimmera.com.au> address will still be forwarded to me for another month or two yet. However all newsletter-related e-mails can still be sent in via <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>, as this address is unchanged. Please be patient if you've sent me an e-mail in the past few weeks and haven't received a reply from me yet, as it will take me a while to catch up on the backlog, but never fear, I pledge that I, your editor, will see you safely through to a better world! Oops, getting carried away here! And now ... a walk in some more boffo ideas!
THE TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR AND GRAEME GARDEN INTERVIEWS
Unfortunately my absence from the computer for the past few weeks has meant that I haven't been able to forward more of your questions to Tim Brooke-Taylor and Graeme Garden, so I haven't got any of their fabulous replies to publish in this month's edition. Hopefully you'll be able to enjoy more Goodie reading next month; meanwhile if you've got a question that you'd like to ask Tim or Graeme, please send it in to <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>.
2001 AND A BIT - A SECOND GOODIES CONVENTION?
As mentioned in last month's C&G, the fan club is looking into the possibility of following the extremely successful "Kitten Kon" Melbourne convention of last year with a "2001 And A Bit" convention in Sydney some time during 2002.
To turn this dream into reality will rely on the support and commitment of other fan club members, not just in Sydney, but all around Australia.
The two major tasks we need help with are event management and fund raising. Without funds we can't put the show on. The good news is that we might be able to entice Tim Brooke-Taylor over for another event. We may also be able to entice Graeme and Bill this time as well.
If you are interested in helping, or would like further details, please email Catherine Carter - President of 'The Goodies Rule OK' at: <president@goodiesruleok.com>.
WORKING THE (TELEPHONE) LINE
In the March C&G, Kay Dickinson made an excellent suggestion that if you fancy The Goodies theme tune blasting out from your mobile phone whenever you get a call, you can go to www.dialaring.com - UK and Australia and/or www.mobiletones.com - UK and put in a request for it.
Apparently if they have enough requests for a tune, they'll do it - so given the number of enquiries that we have received from club members about this idea and the fact that our membership is well over 1000, we should have a fair chance of using our numerical strength to get a sufficiently Goodie tune for our mobiles. So please spare a couple of minutes of your internet time to surf to one of the above sites and request The Goodies Theme – and help us in our quest to do "anything, anytime!"
GOODIE VIBRATIONS
Among the many great improvements made to the club website in recent times by our dedicated Technical Officer, Tim Aslat, there are now a large number of Goodies sound files (in wav and mp3 format) to download from the "stuff" section at http://www.goodiesruleok.com . These include many of the Goodies' best quotes and classic backing tunes like "Run", "Come Back" etc, so please make the most of this excellent new resource.
3. SPOTTED!!!
More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the Goodies recently, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! The Goodies this month:
GOODIES RETURN TO UKTV
(by Raymond Jennings - contributed on May 24th))
The Goodies will be returning earlier than expected to UKTV (Australian Pay TV channel available to Foxtel and Austar subscribers). The show will be airing again from Saturday 2 June 2001 with two episodes starting at 4.00pm EST and I have had it confirmed from UKTV that the episodes will be Beefeaters and Snooze. Repeats of the afternoon episodes will air Sunday mornings starting at 3.00am if you're especially keen :-). The show is slated to air each subsequent Saturday for the rest of June except for the Queen's Birthday long weekend of 9 to 11 June when it's listed as part of the "Radio Times Top 50 Comedy Countdown" marathon and its not clear when it will be shown, but it is definitely listed for at least Saturday and Sunday.
KITTEN KONG II - CRICKLEWOOD'S MISSING LYNX
(from information contributed by John Gathercole and Kay Dickinson on 9th May)
Some thirty years after Cricklewood was terrorised by Twinkle the giant kitten in "Kitten Kong", a real-life sequel has taken place.
A lynx spotted sitting on a suburban garden fence was in captivity yesterday after a dramatic operation involving armed police, vets, zookeepers and the RSPCA.
The animal, a female Eurasian lynx and four times the size of a domestic cat, was stalked through the back gardens and streets of Cricklewood, north London, for six hours before being sedated.
The Daily Mail reported it as....
"Suburban safari with the Beast of Cricklewood" [and we thought that was Tim...]
"It was an encounter that no naturalist could ever have imagined... the meeting of lynx and Cricklewood Man. For centuries, the largest of the European big cats has hunted down its prey in mountain forests from Sweden to Spain, but never, until now, had it stalked the foothills of the North Circular.
"Cricklewood, after all, is the epitome of suburban dullness, where a sudden cry of 'Lynx!' would normally signify the last-minute addition of deodorant to the Sainsbury's list.
[then goes into story about how said lynx had escaped from its owner and how it was recaptured on the open savannah of Watford and Borehamwood. It's now at London Zoo, and has unfortunately been named Lara, and not Twinkle]
"So what did the self-appointed Sage of Cricklewood, Alan Coren, who immortalised the area in books and his columns in The Times [no bloody Goodies mention!] make of the discovery?
"Not much happens in Cricklewood - they'll be talking about it for years", he said."
Nice to know nowt much changes then....
THE CRACK-A-JOKE BOOK
(contributed by Marilyn Burge)
The "Crack-A-Joke Book" consists of jokes chosen by children in aid of Oxfam and was published by Puffin Books in 1978. It contains the following foreword by Tim Brooke-Taylor:
"I have always loved jokes. I loved them when I was very young and I still love them now that I'm ... well, now that I'm ... er ... still very young. And this book is something that I have always wanted: a collection that is nothing but jokes, jokes and more jokes. Some of them are old, and some of them are new – most of them are very funny, but a few of them are dreadful. Perhaps you are like me, and almost prefer the really dreadful ones, the ones that make you groan.
Because it is a book that I and my fellow 'Goodies', Graeme Garden and Bill Oddie, would like to have for ourselves, we were tickled pink when Oxfam and Puffin asked us to 'kick off' their joint venture. Actually pink doesn't really describe it – we were tickled bright red. We began by launching an appeal for 'Your Favourite Jokes' on 'Magpie' and, thanks to all who work on that splendid programme, they soon came tumbling in. Local radio stations and newspapers then joined in the joke gathering and once again the response was incredible. And that's why this particular collection is unique, for it has become an unofficial 'referendum' of the jokes that are loved the best. In other words, these are not the jokes that we are telling you are the best - you have told us.
On behalf of Oxfam I want to thank all of you who have contributed, with a special thanks to Kenneth Mahood and Gerry Downes for all the cartoons and chapter headings donated free – a particularly generous act. (Actually one of the drawings is by Graeme Garden but I'm not going to mention it.) On a purely personal note, as a family member of the Puffin Club, I would like to say how very happy I am to be associated with the 1,000th title in their tremendous series.
Lastly I'd like to thank you, the person who has bought the book (if you haven't, rush out and buy one immediately.) I think you've got a bargain, and hope you'll think you have, too.
Goodie wishes from all three of us."
Tim Brooke-Taylor
LITTLE'UNS
* The BBC has put a video of The Goodies title sequence on its website, starting with our trio being chased by a giant Dougal (from the Magic
Roundabout) at
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/ilove/tv/titles/goodies.shtml
(Phil Wadey)
* BBC2 repeated 'I Love 1970' which had the feature on the Goodies on 19th May at 9pm. (David Balston)
* There is a clip of the Funky Gibbon at
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/ilove/years/1970/tvclip.shtml
(Phil Wadey)
* E4 repeated the 'Top 10 Comedy Records' featuring 'The Goodies' at 9.30pm on Friday 25th May. (David Balston)
* The Goodies are also on the pop guide at
http://www.bbc.co.uk/totp/muze/biog.shtml?bolSplit=0&artistID=68
(Phil Wadey)
4. 2001 AND A BIT
If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays.
BILL'S DAWN CHORUS
(by Lisa Manekofsky - posted to Goodies-L on May 23rd)
shows are at the links in the "Up with the Bark" and the "Global Sunrise" boxes. I don't know how long these will be available on the site but the links are definitely active at the moment.
SHE WAS ONLY THE CAVEMAN'S DAUGHTER, BUT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT DINA SAW! BU-BOOM!
(by David Balston)
Bill co-hosts five broadcasts from the Isle of Wright following Britain's
largest ever dinosaur gig. Palaeontologists are excavating six sights for analysis by scientists.
The broadcasts will be on BBC2 at 10/06/01 7pm, 11/06/01 8pm, 13/06/01 8pm, 15/06/01 8pm, with a final show on the evening of 17/06/01.
I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE - READING
(by Lisa Manekofsky)
On 13th May 2001 the "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" teams travelled to the Hexagon Theatre in Reading, England to record two shows; the regular cast was joined by guest panelist Jeremy Hardy.
Despite the fact that this was the second recording this year, it was announced that the shows recorded in Reading would be the first two shows of the new series (to be broadcast on 28th May and 4th June). The shows recorded on 29th April in Sheffield are going to be broadcast as the third and fourth in the series; this was announced to the audience at that taping (and reported by Kay Dickinson, who was in attendance that evening).
At the beginning of the Reading recording the audience was told that Chairman Humphrey Lyttelton would be turning 80 years old in 10 days (on 23rd May). In addition to mentioning that some tribute shows would be airing within the next week, producer Jon Naismith stated that Humph would be appearing in an upcoming episode of the television show "Later with Jools Holland". This appearance would be to promote the new Radiohead album, since Humph and his band play on a track.
As the cast was getting ready to begin recording the first show of the evening, Tim found it necessary to cough to clear his throat. He explained that he had a frog in his throat and then was unable to resist miming removing the frog from his mouth and having it hop away. Graeme quipped, "maybe it'll turn into a prince," to which Tim responded, as if in recognition of the joke, "ah yes, 'I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again', 1968". This remark produced a small cheer from some members of audience resulting in Tim dryly saying something like, "I see we have some older folks in tonight".
The ISIHAC recording in Reading featured a good mix of familiar rounds along with several new ones. Among the new entries was a chance for the teams to "interview" the candidates who are running for Prime Minister in the upcoming UK election. The interviews were accomplished by means of each team having a small electronic device with multiple buttons; when pressed, each button would play a word or phrase from their interviewee. Graeme helpfully held his box up to show it to the audience during Humph's explanation. Tim and Jeremy went first, with Tim providing the interview questions for Tony Blair and Jeremy operating the buttons for the responses. Apparently Jeremy became a little too fond of one quote, which was Blair saying "black sabbath", because he used it to good effect several times later in the evening, producing a big laugh from the audience each time. Unfortunately, these later uses of the quote were edited out of the final, broadcast version of the shows.
Another new game played in Reading also fell victim to the editors, although I think this made sense from a practical standpoint - it was very funny in person but far too visual to have made sense in audio only. The game involved the teams playing a version of indoor golf using ping pong balls being hit by plastic drinking straws. In explaining the rules Humph said that each team would take their turn while the other team was supposed to provide commentary. However, things didn’t actually work out that way. Tim and Jeremy took their turn first. They were making golfing chatter so Graeme and Barry refrained from starting their commentary, in order to avoid talking over the other team. Jeremy quite effectively produced sound effects for his ball supposedly being hit to other parts of the theatre by dropping a ping pong ball into a drinking glass on the table in front of him.
However, Tim's attempts to create his own sound effects were less successful; it was extremely amusing to watch his frustration at his failed attempts. Even Tim’s tactic of duplicating what Jeremy had done failed, to the delight of the audience; luckily, Jeremy came to his rescue. However, with all the laughter that was going on in watching Tim's antics Graeme and Barry never really had a chance to provide any commentary. While they were awaiting their turn, Graeme was using his time wisely; when he got his chance to putt he held up a convincing "golf bag" he had made of folded paper out of which were sticking at least half a dozen drinking straws bent at different angles to resemble a selection of golf clubs. Graeme was rewarded with a big laugh for his cleverness. The round was a lot of fun for the audience in the theatre but it really wouldn't have made very good radio.
The second show recorded that evening featured an interesting variation of Mornington Crescent which involved using the board game version. While the teams expressed concern that this would limit the options they could play, using this version certainly didn't effect the audience's enjoyment. There were a number of particularly clever moves which produced appropriate levels of appreciation from the crowd.
It was an altogether enjoyable evening. The audience must have thought so as well - after the intermission it was announced that the ISIHAC merchandise had sold so well that for the first time ever the books had already sold out and only a few sets of cassettes remained to be sold after the show. Jon Naismith seemed amazed (but obviously pleased) by the success of the sales (although I believe I heard one of the panelists quip that the merchandise must had sold out because they forgot to bring some of the boxes of books with them ;).
I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE - NORWICH
(by Lisa Manekofsky)
The final two shows in the 37th series of "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" were recorded at the Theatre Royal in Norwich on 3rd June 2001. The guest panelist for the evening was Sandi Toksvig, who took advantage of the opportunity to plug her new novel ("Flying Under Bridges") with ample assistance from the rest of the cast (especially her teammate, Tim ;).
As usual, the shows featured a mix of new rounds and old favorites. During "One Song To The Tune of Another" Barry was asked to sing the words of "I've Got A Lovely Bunch of Coconuts" to the tune of Stevie Wonder's "I Just Called to Say I Love You". As Colin Sell played the introductory notes on the piano Barry popped on a pair of sunglasses, to everyone's amusement. However, this prop may have led to his downfall in the round - part way through singing the song Barry tripped up and he decided it was best to start the song over again. He did so, and the show proceeded as normal. At the conclusion of each show the producer, Jon Naismith, comes on stage to ask Humph to re-record some of his lines (sometimes due to Humph having made a mistake when he originally read them or to the audience reaction having been too loud and drowning him out).
For this show there were fewer than usual lines for Humph to re-record, which seemed to surprise him. Once they had gone through Jon's list of corrections that needed to be made Humph noticed that Jon was still holding one piece of paper; he looked at Jon expectantly, waiting to be told what else needed to be done. However, Jon said no, Humph was all finished but there was one more correction to be made, and this one was for Barry. When he had sung his "One Song to the Tune of Another" the second time, Barry had inadvertently begun at the chorus, necessitating a third attempt at the song and opening Barry to the kind of teasing from the other players that he usually directs at Humph when he makes an error.
One of the new games played in Norwich involved each team having to throw a stack of coins into a receptacle. I forget what it was claimed to be but what was actually on the stage appeared to be a wooden desk drawer. Graeme and Barry went first; from where I was sitting I couldn't see which coins went into the drawer but from the audience's reaction as each coin was tossed it was possible to tell which ones had missed and which had hit their mark. My impression was that Graeme and Barry had done pretty well during their turn. Then play passed to Tim and Sandi. Tim picked up his entire stack of coins and threw them all at once into the drawer. I believe they all went in; there was a tremendous cheer from the audience. Sandi immediately followed Tim's example and tossed her entire stack of coins at one go, also meeting with success and a big cheer. Tim quipped that they had done so well because they both play golf. ;)
At the conclusion of the evening, after the corrections had been recorded for the second show, Jon Naismith explained that the cast couldn't leave just yet. He said that upon learning that Humph had recently turned 80 the chief at their hotel had insisted on making a cake for him. A member of the crew brought out the cake and everyone joined in singing "Happy Birthday" to Humph; I think he looked quite pleased. And no, there weren't 80 candles on the cake - I'd estimate that there were 15-20, at most. The cake was placed on a table and Humph was asked to blow out the candles; one of the cast jokingly wondered if Humph would be able to blow them all out. Personally, I thought that there wasn't any need to speculate about that - given the fact that Humph's been playing trumpet professionally for over 50 years one would assume he has very strong lungs! This indeed proved to be the case; not only did Humph blow out all the candles on the first attempt, he also managed to blow over one of the decorations on top of the cake!
As a side note that might be of interest, I should mention that during the intermission I learned that the gentleman sitting next to me had gone to school with Humphrey Lyttelton - he explained that they had been at Eton together (although they were two years apart). He said that his father had been a Dean at Eton and Humph had been in his father’s house. I know it's a cliché, but it really is a small world, isn't it? I thought it was really nice that this man and his wife had gotten a chance to see the show (they really seemed to be enjoying themselves). I don't know if they got a chance to talk to Humph after the show, but I hope they did.
The current series of "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" will be aired Mondays on BBC Radio 4 at 6:30 p.m. (London time) through the month of June, with each episode repeated the following Sunday at noon. If you cannot receive Radio 4 in your area please note that a live broadcast of Radio 4's programming can be heard over the internet; go to Radio 4's website at www.bbc.co.uk/radio4 for more details. You may need to download Real Player (which is free software) to be able to listen to the broadcasts (therefore, it would probably be worthwhile to test listening to Radio 4 over your computer prior to the airing of ISIHAC). Also, please note that there are many time zone converters on the web that can help you figure out when ISIHAC will be broadcast in your area.
THE MOTION SHOW
(by Lisa Manekofsky)
The Radio 4 comedy series "The Motion Show", hosted by Graeme Garden, has begun a new series. The show currently airs on Thursdays at 6:30 p.m. London time (which live broadcasts available over the internet via Radio 4's website www.bbc.co.uk/radio4).
Upcoming recordings for the show are scheduled for 18, 25, & 30 June 2001 at The Radio Theatre in BBC Broadcasting House, London. If you're going to be in the London area and would like to attend a recording please note that admission is free and tickets may be requested from BBC Audience Services either by calling 020 8576 1227, emailing radio.ticket.unit@bbc.co.uk, or using the ticket request feature at www.bbc.co.uk/tickets/.
According to a flyer currently available in the lobby of The Radio Theatre, regulars for this series of "The Motion Show" (besides Graeme) are Gyles Brandreth, Steve Punt, Stuart Maconie, Jenny Éclair, Arthur Smith and Hugh Dennis. Special guests scheduled for this series include Sue Perkins, Omid Djalili, Bill Oddie (!!!), Greg Proops, Scott Capurro, and Krishnan Guru-Murthy.
LITTLE'UNS
(David Balston & Lisa Manekofsky)
* The new series of "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" was scheduled to begin on Radio 4 on Monday, 28th May at 18:30. The first show to be aired was one of the ones taped in Reading on 13th May with Jeremy Hardy as the guest panelist. (Lisa Manekofsky)
* Bill was scheduled (again) to appear on 'The Heaven and Earth Show' on BBC1 10am Sunday 20th May where he heads up to the north of Scotland to a spiritual retreat. (David Balston)
* UK Style repeated the edition of 'Charlie's Wildlife Gardens' 9pm Wednesday 23rd May where Bill gives his advise on feeding birds as wildlife expert Chris Baines transforms a bare plot into a paradise for birds. (David Balston)
* For those without BBC Choice there is a chance to catch Bill on Fun at the Funeral Parlour on music and comedy channel 'Play UK' at 9.40pm on 14/06/01 repeated later at 12.10am and yet again at 2.40am. (David Balston)
5. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY
(by Brett Allender)
INVASION OF THE MOON CREATURES
Series 4, Episode 2.
First transmitted: 8th December 1973
PLOT
Tim and Bill return to the office after a busy day, but find that it has become a top secret area with entry permitted only after giving the correct password (which just happens to be "Let us in, ya great 'nana!" from an annoyed Bill). Graeme has converted the office into a control room for the new British lunar project which involves sending rabbits to the moon (providing that they can withstand the cruel tests that Graeme subjects them to before the space flight!)
The intrepid astrobunnies Flopsy and Spiro are placed in the rocket about to blast off from the Goodies' front lawn and Graeme prepares the launch (as Bill offers to "peel the potartoes!", much to Graeme's disgust). The liftoff is a success, although Graeme despairs that he has lost contact with the rocket (six months ago!) and he decides that the Goodies must go on the next mission, as it is too dangerous for rabbits. Initially Tim is to be left behind, but after he tries to hide his cowardice by pretending that he would like to go, he soon finds himself strapped in the rocket alongside a protesting Bill, as Graeme madly gives orders from the safety of mission control.
Bill and Tim soon want to get back down to Earth, especially when they find out that Graeme doesn't know how their ruddy rocket works. Somehow they manage to land on the moon (albeit upside down) and sing, play golf and fool around just like the Americans did, before making a stunning discovery of primitive vegetable life - lettuces and carrots. Flopsy and Spiro had made it after all and have spent their time doing what rabbits do best, as hundreds of bunnies overpower Bill and Tim and drag them away to the burrow.
There they are strapped to a couch with carrots stuffed in their ears and an image of Flopsy appears on a screen. Thanks to Graeme's nutty experiments, Flopsy is now called 'Big Bunny' and plans to conquer space, boldly going where no rabbit has gone before! He demands that Tim and Bill help him by returning to Earth as the rabbit's spokesmen and gives them an electric charge when they refuse to speak the only bunny talk that humans will respect ... "Nyaaah. What's up Doc!"
Tim and Bill return to Earth in the landing capsule and squash Graeme on Clapham Common (despite him having several boffins manoeuvre a bathtub into position for a splash landing), then deeply shock him when they appear as rabbits after they remove their spacesuits. The rabbit space virus starts to spread (as Patrick Moore and a cotton-tailed Prime Minister soon fall victim) and several hutches of rabbits drop out of the sky and breed up very quickly.
Tim and Bill head out armed with carrots for "a touch of way-hey-hey and a spot of bunny fun" and terrorise everyone in sight (especially a lady dragged into her rabbit's hutch who miraculously survives the onslaught from Bill, Tim and the ABC censors!!). Graeme calls in the Queen's Highland Ferrets when the rabbits go to ground in burrows in the sand dunes and eventually captures the badly-behaving bunnies when he plugs their burrows with carrot corks. Afterwards, Graeme dishes up piles of carrots and lettuces, but suspects that the rabbit urge is wearing off when Tim craves for fish and chips. He tempts Tim and Bill with a yummy pie, then reveals that it is a rabbit pie, making them cannibals. Big Bunny appears at the door and urges them to stop, but they yell "DINNER!!" and chase him up the street with knives and forks at the ready.
CLASSIC QUOTES
* Tim (upon hearing that there is a Saturn V rocket at the front door for the rabbit's moon trek):
"Oh that's what it's for. I've just posted two letters in that!"
* Graeme (about the rocket, talking in correct space protocol): "Well I don't know how the ruddy thing works, do I ? ... beep"
Tim & Bill (in unison): "WHAT!! ... beep!"
Graeme "Well, you can't expect me to know everything ... beep"
Bill: "You little creep! ... beep!"
* Bill: "I used to have a pet rabbit once, you know, when I was a little kid, and at no stage did he ever strap me to the couch and stick carrots in my ears!"
* Big Bunny: "You will return to Earth as our spokesmen. So now you must learn the only bunny talk that humans will respect"...."watch and copy. Say it after me. Nyaaah. What's up Doc!"
CLASSIC SCENES
* Graeme produces a radio telescope to track down his lost space rabbits and it starts playing 'The Archers' theme. Bill smashes it to bits and Graeme laments that "now we'll never know what happened to them". Bill is most helpful in telling him that "Walter Gabriel's just having a bit on the side...!"
* Graeme being horrified at Tim's suggestion of sending more rabbits into space, saying that they were like children to him and that he couldn't send them on a trip like that - then hurling his boxful of rabbits over his shoulder to a heavy crash landing on the floor
* The epic space voyage, with Tim and Bill considering calling the fire brigade to rescue them (from the phone box TARDIS drifting past!), having 'beeping' conversations with Graeme, who is enjoying himself immensely from the safety of mission control, experiencing great difficulty with eating, drinking and moving around in magnetic boots and getting showered with meteorites after Bill unintelligently opens the window.
* Graeme filling out his captain's log after the spaceship crashes on the moon and suddenly stopping when he realises that it's 10.15. He quickly turns on his TV monitor, which shows the theme of 'Monty Python's Flying Circus' and turns it off just as quickly in disgust, muttering "Blast. Missed Moira Anderson!"
* The various moon exploration scenes, including Bill climbing out of the upside-down lunar module and proclaiming "One small step for a man, but baaa ..." (slipping and falling heavily to the ground below), the goldfish swimming in his helmet visor, the collection of moon dust with a vacuum cleaner, Bill floating away with a huge helmetful of oxygen and the rabbits overpowering Bill and Tim, then dragging them off to Big Bunny's space burrow where they are tortured to make them behave like rabbits.
* Graeme honestly describing to the authorities how Tim and Bill have travelled to the moon where hundreds of rabbits have attacked them and Big Bunny is forcing them to say "Nyaaah. What's up Doc", which leads to him having a 'Loony. Handle With Care' sign hung around his neck and a box marked 'To the funny farm. This side up' placed over his head. Also the moment when he shakes hands with one of the astronauts and recoils in horror when he removes their space glove to reveal a huge hairy paw.
GUEST STARS
Roland MacLeod, Patrick Moore
GOODIES SONGS
Do The Bunny
MY 2 CENTS WORTH
The first two-thirds of the episode is some of the Goodies finest material, with brilliantly funny verbal and visual outer space effects. However the latter chase scenes are rather bland by comparison and drag on too long, which just takes the edge off an otherwise superb episode.
RATING
IIII Officially Amazing
BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM:
IIIII - Superstar.
IIII - Officially amazing.
III - Goody goody yum yum.
II - Fair-y punkmother.
I - Tripe on t' pikelets.
July Summary
"Hospital For Hire"
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Whack the diddle-o blue! Pull up a jumbuck and take the weight off ya billabongs 'coz THE GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARIES book is still available! Even thicker than the SleepalongaMax volume 98 record collection and far easier to comprehend than Eddie Waring's rugby scores, THE GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARIES is jam packed with gibbon-loads of Goody things such as:
* detailed summaries for each of the 75 episodes of the show (including fully revised versions of the first 10 summaries printed in the newsletters)
* the lyrics of some classic Goodies songs.
* heaps of cool photos from actual episodes and publicity sessions.
* an episode guide/contents page and signed author's introduction.
* alphabetical indexes of guest stars, songs and mock advertisements.
Each book is spiral bound with a plastic cover and costs $20 plus postage of $7 within Australia and $18 overseas.
Details of how to place orders can be obtained by e-mailing Brett Allender at bretta@netcon.net.au All profits from the book will go towards club activities such as the staging of future Goodies conventions, so why not be a sport and do yourself and the club a favour by ordering your copy of THE GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARIES today. You know it makes sense!
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6. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
(a) The Scoutfinder General
(b) Tim Brooke-Taylor, on the suspicion that he is a scout, which is illegal following the criminal activities of the Lone Scout (plus one!).
(c) Scoutrageous (Series 7)
(d) By making a sex education film for schoolchildren using the ridiculously censored script written by Mrs Carthorse herself.
(e) "He keeps his distance!"
(f) "Knickers!"
(g) "Sinderella"
(h) Berserk
(i) She strides off down the street, shaking her fist and shrieking "Stop it, stop it ...!!"
7. THE GREAT GOODIES CROSSWORD
(by David McAnally)
The crossword grid is drawn up in a similar way to the reference points on a map.
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The down clues are given as letter/number.
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ACROSS CLUES
The number of letters in a word in the crossword is shown in brackets - i.e. seven letters are shown as (7) and so on.
1.A (6) --- Bill played the role of ? Charles - "Royal Command"
1.I (8) --- The ? of the Moon Creatures - name of episode
1.R (5) --- The Goodies could not resist Hazel when she ? them for help to find her father - "The Lost Tribe of the Orinoco"
2.C (2) --- Giant's words: ?, Fi, Fo, Fum - "The Goodies and the Beanstalk"
2.F (4) --- Bill was wearing his Coat-of-?, which was adorned with ? - "Camelot"
2.P (2) --- The country to which England was towed - "Radio Goodies"
3.J (7) --- The ? in Wales had a very long name - "Wacky Wales"
3.R (3) --- Tim wore one - "War Babies"
4.A (6) --- Tim's ? was that he was a scout - "Scoutrageous"
4.H (3) --- The Americans wanted to buy up all of the ? - "Culture for the Masses"
4.L (3) --- The fish were left to ? - "Pollution"
4.S (3) --- Tim had a ? nose - "Clown Virus"
5.F (3) --- When Eskimo Nell began to take her clothes off, the Goodies felt suddenly rather ? - "Winter Olympics"
5.J (4) --- The ? built a playground thinking that it was a secret military area - "The Greenies"
5.R (3) --- This giant-sized fish ended up as the fish - in fish'n'chips - "Lips, or Almightly ?"
6.A (5) --- The owner of the ship asked the Goodies to call him by his new name: '? Person' - "The Lost Island of Munga"
6.I (4) --- The ? turned the patient into a skeleton - "Hospital for Hire"
6.O (3) --- Bill put a ? on Black and White Beauty to win - "Black and White Beauty"
7.N (4) --- Camelot had a dancing ? - "Camelot"
7.S (4) --- The Goodies were so poor they had to ? their trandem to try to get money - "The Goodies and the Beanstalk"
8.C (11) -- Where the eisteddfod was held - "Wacky Wales"
9.B (4) --- Bill was most unimpressed when he discovered that the pub had no ? - "Wacky Wales"
9.H (2) --- It was illegal for Bill to stay with Tim and Graeme, ?, under the apart-height law, he was not tall enough to do so. He had to obey a curfew to be with the jockeys in a compound at night - "South Africa"
9.M (2) --- The Goodies were surprised when they arrived ? Tim's uncle's home - "Camelot"
9.P (5) --- This ? was only a petite one - "The Goodies and the Beanstalk"
10.A (2) -- The detectives were upset about the actions of the false Goodies, ? they helped the real Goodies to defeat the false ones - "Daylight Robbery on the Orient Express"
10.F (3) -- Mildred Makepeace told Graeme to sit on her ? - "Cunning Stunts"
10.P (2) -- Tim learned to ski ? the road - "Winter Olympics"
10.S (2) -- The Goodies were promised money ? they decided to help - "Snooze"
11.A (4) - The Goodies put this on their faces - "Rome Antics"
11.F (2) - Graeme's dogs were a sensation ? Crufts Dog Show - "Frankenfido"
11.I (8) - The Goodies ran their own private outdoor ? - "? for Hire"
11.T (3) - The teapot was used as a ? - "Winter Olympics"
12.A (2) -- The Goodies left the train again when they arrived ? the end of the same station ? which they had caught the train! - "Wacky Wales"
12.D (3) -- The world came to an ? - "Earthanasia"
12.H (3) -- The women were very annoyed when Tim ? the contest - "Chubby Chumps"
12.L (3) -- Bill accused Graeme of forgetting the ? - "The Tower of London"
13.C (4) -- The Royal Family kept on falling asleep, so Graeme had to ? them to keep them awake - "Royal Command"
13.Q (2) -- It was Tim's idea for the Goodies ? have their own pirate post office - "Radio Goodies"
13.T (3) -- The bath~? was used for the plaster - "Hospital for Hire"
14.E (3) -- Bill painted the ? in black and white for his black and white silent comedy film - "Movies"
14.I (10) - According to the Reverend Llewellyn Llewellyn Llewellyn Llewellyn, this word means 'bored stiff' in the
Old Welsh - "Wacky Wales"
14.T (2) -- Tim and Bill were against Graeme at the ? Tea Rooms - "Bunfight at the ? Tea Rooms"
15.B (6) -- Bill caused havoc when he opened the window of the rocket to photograph the meteorites with his ? - "The Invasion of the Moon Creatures"
15.K (2) -- The part of the letter where the Post Office told the Goodies that, if they could not afford 1st Class postage, then they could not afford their own radio station - "Radio Goodies"
16.G (5) -- One of the magazines in which Bill advertised The Goodies - "The Tower of London"
16.N (6) -- Tim dressed as one - "Camelot"
17.B (2) -- The Goodies Rule ? - name of episode
17.K (3) -- Graeme used a one ? weight to get try to get rid of the 'tomato soup' - "Clown Virus"
17.T (3) -- Bill floated away when Tim gave him too much of this - "The Invasion of the Moon Creatures"
18.C (3) -- Bill caused mayhem when he put Twinkle ? for the night - "Kitten Kong"
18.I (2) -- ? Tim was so nice, he was not thought to be a likely competitor at the Trend Setter's Ball - "Rock Goodies"
18.O (6) -- The kitten left huge paw prints on this - "Kitten Kong"
19.G (9) -- The Goodies were upset when their ? was disconnected for non-payment of the account - "The End"
20.A (3) -- Graeme's comment: Captain's ? - "The Invasion of the Moon Creatures"
20.E (2) -- Goodies' motto: ? do anything, anytime
20.I (2) -- The false Goodies decided to mime the complete "Murder on the Orient Express" in the ? Boring competition - "Daylight Robbery of the Orient Express"
20.M (4) -- Bill and Graeme thought that Tim's red ? looked funny, until they also began to turn into clowns - "Clown Virus"
20.R (5) -- People who kept the Jolly Rock Lighthouse always came down with this illness - "Lighthouse Keeping Loonies"
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DOWN CLUES
A.1 (6) --- The Music Master was now known as Nasty ? - "The Lost Island of Munga"
A.10 (4) -- Goodies ad: "She just won't ?, and that's what we usually find. Most people who use Razz washing powder are too stupid to know a good thing when they see it" - "Cecily"
A.18 (3) -- The people on the yacht were pouring ? in the ocean with a huge ? can - "The Lost Island of Munga"
B.9 (4) --- The giant had a very large one - "The Goodies and the Beanstalk"
B.14 (4) -- Graeme turned this off on the top of Mount Everest - "The Goodies and the Beanstalk"
B.19 (2) -- The Goodies intended to say ? to everybody who could not pay them - "The Lost Tribe of the Orinoco"
C.1 (2) --- ? Black and White Beauty had not posed for a photo, at the photo finish, then he would have won - "Black and White Beauty"
C.4 (6) --- Camelot was a real one - "Camelot"
C.17 (4) -- Kitten ? - name of episode
D.1 (4) --- Tim waited until the German competitors were ? the pool before he released the rope for them - "The Goodies and the Beanstalk"
D.8 (6) --- Graeme's comment: This is your ? speaking - "Radio Goodies"
E.6 (4) --- 1973 was the ? mentioned in this episode - "Camelot"
E.12 (4) -- Bill's comment: ? run in my family - "Alternative Roots"
E.18 (3) -- Graeme wanted to ? England out past the 5 mile limit so that he could rule it as a pirate state - "Radio Goodies"
F.1 (5) --- By the light of the silvery ? - "The Invasion of the Moon Creatures"
F.10 (6) -- Tim and Graeme climbed one of these - "Cunning Stunts"
G.5 (2) --- We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful Wizard of ? - "Saturday Night Grease"
G.10 (2) -- The Goodies horrified everyone when they entertained people ? the eisteddfod - "Wacky Wales"
G.14 (6) -- Graeme was about to give Twinkle an enormous ? when he made the discovery that the kitten was missing from his cage - "Kitten Kong"
H.2 (4) --- This surrounded the castle - "Camelot"
H.7 (4) --- The contents of one of the tins was to make people ? when it was sprayed onto them - "Clown Virus"
I.1 (2) --- Tim and Bill commented to Graeme that he ? the person responsible for their colds - "Radio Goodies"
I.8 (2) --- England was being softened up, as clowns, so that this country could invade - "Clown Virus"
I.11 (4) -- Bill's comment: I can't get my leg into this, you know, it's too narrow - "Camelot"
I.18 (3) -- ? The Goodies needed the Elixir to cure them when there was none left - "Hospital for Hire"
J.3 (4) --- Bill was the ? - "Super~?"
J.11 (2) -- When Bill went sleepwalking, he walked ? the top of a bus - "Snooze"
J.18 (3) -- Bill's comment: I can ? an eye! - "The Tower of London"
K.1 (3) --- Graeme worked as one - "Kitten Kong"
K.5 (7) --- Tim and Bill were made into these - "The Invasion of the Moon Creatures"
K.14 (4) -- Tim's uncle and family left Camelot with their dog, ? - "Camelot"
L.3 (4) --- Tim joined the Salvation ? - "Scoutrageous"
L.11 (5) -- Bill and Graeme thought up many ? to exploit the people and make themselves rich - "Scoutrageous"
M.3 (3) --- Tim always packed his ? bear in the suitcase when he went away
M.8 (5) --- Tim took this with him when he ran to the health clinic and all of the women carried their ?~s as well! - "Chubby Chumps"
M.17 (4) -- When the Goodies left Camelot, they left behind them a ? 'Bingo' sign on the drawbridge - "Camelot"
N.3 (2) --- When Tim got his cup of tea from the computer, ? was so cold that the cup of tea rapidly became an iceblock - "The Lost Tribe of the Orinoco"
N.11 (4) -- Tim ? the Music Master who they were - "The Stolen Musicians"
N.19 (2) -- The Goodies could not say ? to Hazel when she asked for help - "The Lost Tribe of Orinoco"
O.6 (3) --- One of the Flowerpot Men - "The Goodies Rule - O.K.!"
O.14 (7) -- Tim wears a number of different ? during this episode - "Daylight Robbery of the Orient Express"
P.1 (3) --- Tim was a 5-megaton flying one - "U-Friend or U.F.O."
P.5 (3) --- Tim wanted to drink his ? straight from the mug instead of through the hose - "The Invasion of the Moon Creatures"
P.9 (4) --- The eggs were made of real ? - "The Goodies and the Beanstalk"
Q.6 (5) --- This was stolen - "Daylight Robbery of the Orient Express"
Q.13 (7) -- There were two different ? chambers - "Camelot"
R.11 (4) -- Tim's comment: We are going to do ? to people to which Bill responded: How wet! - "The Tower of London"
S.1 (5) --- Floppsy was an astrobunny, and so was ? - "The Invasion of the Moon Creatures"
S.7 (4) --- All three Goodies had ? with Raquel Welch - "2001 and a Bit"
S.15 (2) -- The Royal Family had a dilemma - whether to let Tim be crowned, - ? to leave their hospital beds to try to stop him - "Royal Command"
T.3 (3) --- Bill was scared to sleep in his ? - "Snooze"
T.9 (6) --- The tin of Clown Virus had a misleading label with the words ? Soup - "Clown Virus"
T.17 (4) -- Graeme's and Bill's final 'scout badge' was an ? bomb - "Scoutrageous"
U.13 (2) -- The Goodies live in the ?
V.1 (3) --- Frankenfido was a very unusual one - "Frankenfido"
V.5 (5) --- The eisteddfod was held in this country - "Wacky ?"
V.11 (3) -- Bill showed his disgust when he found that the ? in Wales did not have any beer - "Wacky Wales"
V.15 (6) -- When the Australian Rolf ? met the Russian Rolf ?, it was a disaster waiting to happen?! - "Scatty Safari"
NOTE: The solution to this crossword will appear in next month's edition.
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NEXT C&G EDITION: #67: 12th July 2001.
**********************************************
The Goodies Fan Club Clarion and Globe is copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 2001. All rights reserved.
Permission to reproduce this work or any section of it, in any form must first be obtained from the copyright holders.
TO UNSUBSCRIBE:
E-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> with UNSUBSCRIBE in the body of your message.
TO OBTAIN THIS NEWSLETTER IN E-MAIL TEXT FORM:
E-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> requesting transfer to the E-mail mailing list.
TO BECOME A POSTAL MEMBER:
Send $20 ($30 for non-Australians) to:
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All cheques and money orders must be in Australian dollars and should be made out to "The Goodies Rule - OK!".
For further information regarding this publication please e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> or write to the above address.
For other general enquiries about the 'Goodies Rule - OK' fan club or 'The Goodies' itself, please e-mail <enquiries@goodiesruleok.com>
**********************************************
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