The Official Goodies Rule - OK! Fan Club Website

THE GOODIES CLARION AND GLOBE

THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK' FAN CLUB

Issue No. 107 12th October 2004

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'The Goodies Rule - OK!'

Chadstone VIC 3148, AUSTRALIA

THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G

- David Piper-Balston

COOL COR COMIC & MUSIC REVIEWER:

C&G CONTRIBUTORS: Ian Greaves, David McAnally, Amy Rixon

1. QUIZ & QUOTE - Goodies brainteasers for you and you and you

2. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.

3. 2001 AND A BIT - Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.

4. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY - War Babies

5. GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW - A Man's Best Friend Is His Duck

6. GOODIES COR!! COMICS SYNOPSIS #34

7. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS

(by "Magnus Magnesium")

QUOTE: "Yes friends, that was number 1 on the Goodies hit parade, and incidentally numbers 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10"

(a) Which Goodie says this quote?

(b) Which song was he referring to?

QUIZ: This month's questions are from the episode: "The New Office"

(d) How long had it taken for the builders to "renovate" the Goodies' office?

(e) What is the name of the real estate agency that the Goodies visit?

(f) Who does Mr Snatch run away to the south of France with?

(g) Whose face does Graeme have on his version of the "girl on a motorbike" poster?

(h) What sort of office do the Goodies end up building?

The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.

More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the Goodies recently, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! The Goodies this month:

ANOTHER GOODIES RIP-OFF?

(Alison Bean - Goodies-l - 23rd September)

I found the following on the website of the Daily Telegraph and was astounded by the resemblance between this ad and a scene in Scatty Safari.

BLACK PUDDING BERTHA

(Alison Bean - Goodies-l - 27th September)

Spotted this post from Darrell on the Verbwhores comedy forum (http://chilled.cream.org/forums/index.php ) in a thread about the new Ripping Yarns DVD: "They played the 'even the white bits were black' clip on Northwest Tonight about a year ago in some item about black puddings, which also used 'Black Pudding Bertha' by the Goodies quite a bit on the soundtrack. A comedy fan worked on that edit, methinks... And yes, I'm aware that the concept of a Northern news programme doing a report about black puddings sounds like something from The Goodies itself anyway. It all adds to the loveliness of the thing. "

DO, DO, DO THE FUNKY GIBBON

(Amy Rixon - Goodies-l - 11th October)

It's nice to know that 30 years on, the Funky Gibbon is still finding its way onto the radio.

Recently I was talking to a friend who has his own Funk/Soul radio show. A listener rang the radio station requesting the 'Funky Gibbon' be played on air. I think the request came about because the "Funky Gibbon' song has the word 'funk' in the title and it is a 'funk'/soul radio show. So, the 'Funky Gibbon' (which was in the radio station's records) was played on air!

GOODIES DVD DELAY

(Amy Rixon - Goodies-l - 14th October)

I received information at work today that the 2nd Goodies DVD, which was due to be release in Australia on the 2nd December, has been postponed until March next year. There was no specific date given for the March release (hopefully it will be early March) nor was there any information on why the release has been set back. It just looks like we've got an extra 3 months wait for the next Goodies DVD.

3. 2001 AND A BIT

If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays. Those of you seeking radio & tv alerts between issues of the C&G should consider signing up for the Goodies-L mailing list (more details available on the club website),as our crack (cracked?!) team of reporters attempt to post alerts as the information becomes available.

* The following are some upcoming repeats of "Birding with Bill Oddie" and Bill's appearance in "The Detectives". As always, please check your local listings to verify times/stations near you.

* Birding With Bill Oddie

Sunday 26th September on BBC 2

11:40 to 12:10 Shetland.

An ornithological tour of the British countryside with veteran 'twitcher' Bill Oddie. In this programme, Bill heads out to his favourite hideaway of Shetland, where he has his first close encounter with a puffin, is dive-bombed by a colony of bonxies, and goes on a midnight voyage to see Britain's most mysterious bird, the storm petrel.

Monday 27th September on BBC 2

14:00 to 14:30 Farmland.

An ornithological tour of the British countryside with veteran 'twitcher' Bill Oddie. In this programme, Bill goes in search of birds on farmland. Some farms are virtually bird-free zones, but others are home to a wide variety, including skylarks, partridges and the little owl.

Wednesday 29th September on BBC 2

13:00 to 13:30 Dorset and the New Forest.

An ornithological tour of the British countryside with veteran 'twitcher' Bill Oddie. Bill heads off to the south coast, takes a walk in the New Forest, and goes on a day trip to Brownsea Island for some quality spring birdwatching.

Sunday 3rd October on BBC 2

12:25 to 12:55 Bill's Beginnings.

An ornithological tour of the British countryside. Veteran 'twitcher' Bill Oddie revisits his childhood birding haunts.

Saturday 2nd October on Bravo 13:35 to 14:10 (35 minutes long)

Saturday 2nd October on Bravo Plus 1 14:35 to 15:10 (35 minutes long)

Saturday 2nd October on Bravo 18:25 to 19:00 (35 minutes long)

Saturday 2nd October on Bravo Plus 1 19:25 to 20:00 (35 minutes long)

(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 22nd September)

* Bill Oddie was among the celebrities teaming up with his old mate Rolf Harris to recreate the painting 'The Hay Wain' by John Constable in a live TV show 'Rolf on Art' broadcast Sunday 26th September 2004 BBC1.

At the end of the live show from Trafalgar Square Rolf stood next to Bill and had a little chat, when Rolf could get a word in edgeways that is.

The BBC have started showing trailers for 'Who Do You Think You Are?' which includes a show about Bill discovering he had a sister who died at five days old.

(David Piper-Balston - Goodies-l - 30th September)

* "Who Do You Think You Are?"

This show has been mentioned on the list in the past but I can't recall if we had the actual airdate. It is scheduled to be shown on BBC 2 on Tuesday, 12 Oct from 21:00-22:00.

Here's a listing I found:

"Who do you think you are?" - Series in which celebrities trace their ancestry, discovering secrets and surprises from their past. Bill Oddie embarks on a very personal journey to try and find out what happened to his mother, who was institutionalised for most of his childhood. It takes him back into the history of mental health in the post war years, then to the gritty story of the cotton mills at the heart of the industrial revolution in north west England.

(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 4th October)

* Bill will be narrating "Stately Stoats" which follows the exploits of a female stoat trying to raise a family in the grounds of Kedleston Hall, one of Derbyshire's finest stately homes. It's on BBC2 28th October at 8.50pm for ten minutes.

(David Piper-Balston – Goodies-l – 16th October)

* Graeme Garden is in the writing credits for the new series of the satire show Bremner Bird and Fortune, which began last night on Channel 4.

(Alison Bean - Goodies-l - 27th September)

* A show written by Graeme called "About a Dog" will start on BBC Radio Four on Weds, 6th October. It will air on Wednesdays from 18:30 to 19:00.

I found information on-line (see below) saying this is a three part series starring Alan Davies and Kate Ashfield. I don't believe Graeme will appear in the show.

About A Dog, Debbie Barham's last comedy proposal before her untimely death last year, sees Alan Davies playing a dog in a brand new sitcom told through the eyes of a canine.

Developed by Above The Title and subsequently scripted by Graeme Garden (The Goodies) from Barham's notes, this inventive comedy explores the unique relationship between dogs and their owners and asks if your 'best friend' has some essential 'doggy wisdom' to offer you.

Alan Davies and Kate Ashfield star in a three-part comedy series conceived by Debbie Barham and written by Graeme Garden, about a dog's life seen from the point of view of the family pet.

Episode 1: Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

Jack has a problem. Or rather, his mistress does. Well, she's more of an owner than a mistress. And she needs to decide whether or not to move in with her boyfriend, Adrian. Adrian likes designer leather furniture and pricey Italian bath-fittings; but he definitely doesn't like dogs. Which brings us back to Jack. And his problem.

Episode 2: We Was Robbed!

If Sarah drew up an A-Z of her problems, 'Boyfriend' would now be joined by 'Blackmail' and 'Burglars'. Followed closely by 'Conniving Caretaker' and then of course 'Dog'. Jack, the dog, doesn't quite see it that way, although he does think he can sniff out a connection between all of them.

Episode 3: Love, Probably

Sarah and her dog Jack are down in the dumps: Sarah feels trapped in her relationship with boyfriend Adrian, and Jack thinks his long-lost sister is trapped inside a plastic toy. At least her voice seems to be. Could it be that handsome vet Doctor Katz offers some sort of release - for both of them?

Producer: Jon Naismith

Writers: Debbie Barham & Graeme Garden

Sarah - Kate Ashfield

Adrian - Darren Boyd

Muriel - Deborah Norton

Laszlo - Simon Greenall

Dr Katz - Andy Taylor

(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 29th September)

* Graeme is also talking about this show in the new Radio Times (2nd October 2004). (Alison Bean - Goodies-l - 30th September)

* In November the National Film Theatre in London will be previewing sketches from the up-coming 2nd series of the BBC sketch comedy show "Little Britain". Following the screening the show's stars, Matt Lucas and David Walliams, will be interviewed on stage by Graeme Garden.

Details: "Up Close with Little Britain", 19th November @ 8:45pm, National Film Theatre, South Bank, London SE1 8XT. Bookings for members open from 13th October, non-members can book from 22nd October by calling the box office on 020 7928 3232 or visiting the website http://www.bfi.org.uk/nft

(Alison Bean - Goodies-l - 30th September)

* A fourteen year old spotting ... Behind The Footlights (BBC2 04/01/90) was a documentary about 1989's Cambridge Footlights team, which that year included Henry Naylor and Chris Wickham. Tim Brooke-Taylor presented this half hour show which delved behind the scenes, following that year's troupe from formation right up to the Edinburgh Festival. On-screen Tim also wandered the grounds of the University and recalled his times will Bill Oddie, John Cleese et al, as well as interviewing the Footlights historian who searched through the archive for interesting photos.

(Ian Greaves - Goodies-l - 29th September)

* Tim can be heard on the CD of "Doctor Who at the BBC", where Tim is playing the role of the Doctor, in the sketch 'Doctor Who and the Bores' from "Hello Cheeky!". The CD is available for purchase from the ABC Shop.

* Tim was a guest star in one of the sketches of "Paul Hogan's England", which is now available for purchase as a DVD. Tim played an Englishman, Rhys Jones, who wants to emigrate to Australia. Paul Hogan played the somewhat unsympathetic interviewer (for the Australian Government) who is attempting to find out Rhys Jones' suitability as an immigrant. The sketch was a good one, but unfortunately Tim's name is missing from the end credits for the program for some reason.

* Tim Brooke-Taylor's appearance in "Masterchef" is being repeated on UKTV Food and UKTV Food Plus 1 at various times on Monday 25th October.

(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 12th October)

* An episode of "Hello Cheeky" (starring Tim Brooke-Taylor, Barry Cryer, and John Junkin) will appear on BBC 7 this Saturday as part of the show "Comedy Greats" which is hosted by Barry Cryer. Comedy Greats airs from 8:00-11:00 and is repeated at 21:00-00:00 (then again at 3:00-6:00 Sunday morning). It'll then be available for six days on BBC 7's Listen Again service.

You can listen to the show or get further information at http://www.bbc.co.uk/bbc7 /

BTW, the 6 shows that are being played as part of "Comedy Greats" will probably air in the order mentioned in BBC 7's newsletter (quoted below) so "Hello Cheeky" should be the third episode (airing approximately an hour and a half into the broadcast).

Barry Cryer continues his exploration of radio comedy and reaches the seventies in Comedy Greats: The Seventies Part 1 (Saturday at 8am, 9pm and 3am).

While it may have been the decade that fashion forgot, radio comedy certainly wasn't neglected - and this week's gems definitely back this up! The 24 carat beauties for your delectation are: All Gas and Gaiters: Only Three Can Play(09/02/1971), The Frankie Howerd Show (02/11/1975), Hello Cheeky (21/10/1979, whch features your host); Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads: Count Down (08/10/1975); Parsley Sidings: A Bird In The Hand (03/11/1973), and The News Huddlines (07/11/1979).

(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 15th October)

* Digital channel G2 (formerly UK Gold 2) will be repeating Tim Brooke-Taylor's appearance in Shooting Stars on 27th October at 8.30pm.

The show is in a 30 minute time slot so will have been edited down to fit. The other guests were Belinda Carlisle, Dennis Pennis and Reg Presley from the Troggs who did a rather inferior cover version of "Wild Thing!" although no one made any mention of this on the night. :-)

(David Piper-Balston – Goodies-l – 16th October)

I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE (ISIHAC)

* The first episode of "I'm Sorry, I Haven't A Clue" was broadcast on ABC Radio National on Sunday, 3 October, at 5.30 a.m.. The program will continue to run until 12 May, 2005 (continuing at 5.30 a.m. on Sunday mornings).

"I'm Sorry I Haven't A Christmas Clue" was released on 4 October. Here's a description of the set (which is available on both CD and audio cassette) from Amazon.co.uk: "Features the best of the historical Christmas I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue. Also included is a Christmas Special, called I m Sorry I Haven t a Christmas Carol, broadcast on Christmas Day 2003. Rather than being the normal quiz show, the regulars will be telling the story of Ebenezer Scrumph and his poor assistant Crotchet with the help of the regular guests - Jeremy Hardy, Sandi Toksvig, Tony Hawks, Andy Hamilton, Linda Smith, and Stephen Fry. A Clue extravaganza not to be missed!"

4. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY

First screened: 18th February 1980

The year is 1939 and the storm clouds of war gather over Europe, but on the home front, all eyes are on a simple Lancashire lady who is about to give birth. As her belly gets bigger and bigger, the headlines speculate on an increasingly higher number of babies for her, but after a team of doctors have performed the delivery tug-o-war style, she produces just one baby - a fully grown ten stone tot Bill who then produces headlines such as "Cor, what a whopper!", while a tiny article at the bottom of the page informs that war has been declared.

Two years later, Bill is packed off to boarding school on a bus, along with many other advanced youngsters who play musical instruments, paint masterpieces and read Einstein's 'Theory Of Relativity' (while Bill lights up his pipe and reads 'Lady Chatterly's Lover'!). At Highbrow Hall, Bill observes a similarly well advanced 2.36 year old Graeme being obnoxious to the other smaller students and also a large Tim with a bonnet on his head being wheeled around in a pram. The headmaster tells the assembled students that the purpose of his school for brainy brats (some more highly developed than others, like Bill who gives the pretty matron a wink or two!) is to contribute to Britain's war effort and ultimately lick Hitler (though not quite in the literal sense displayed by Tim, who slobbers a portrait of Hitler on the wall!)

The older students are given various bomb and radar construction tasks and the three large 2 year olds are just about to be given an assessment test when a bomb drops through the roof and they are quickly handed the task of defusing it within thirty seconds (a job made more difficult for Graeme and Bill by Tim constantly distracting them), before they are given their initiative test via radio by none other than Winston Churchill himself. He asks them to go up in a plane, parachute into the middle of Germany, travel to Stuttgart, buy him a nice box of cigars and then come home. Despite the Germans being unlikely to suspect or harm three little boys, Bill and Graeme are reluctant until a baby babble 'Land Of Hope And Glory' speech by Tim convinces them to do it and they prepare for the parachute jump.

Bill and Graeme land safely but the third parachute gently drifts to earth with Tim's teddy attached to it, as Tim makes a very heavy landing shortly afterwards.The others pick up all of Tim's various bodily bits and pieces, pile them into a wheelbarrow, collect the cigars and make their way past a checkpoint guarded by the increasingly paranoid Hans and Fritz to a disused building. With the help of his Little Nurse kit, pieces from various toys (which he cruelly dismembers) and an extra energy boost (by plugging Tim's finger into a light socket!), Graeme manages to rebuild Tim stronger than ever as the world's first clockwork baby, complete with a key to wind him up and a cord in his back to activate the implanted voicebox from his teddy which can only say "Mama!".

With his new-found super strength, Tim pushes the others all of the way back to England in a pram and into the grounds of Chequers, where Winston Churchill is broadcasting another inspiring speech which falls on deaf ears (as his front line soldiers blow raspberries and destroy the radio with their guns) because the soldiers want him to visit them in person. The three lads soon discover that Churchill is the spitting image of Adolf Hitler and is therefore too embarrassed to appear in public, so Tim is used as Churchill's stand-in (with Churchill's interminable speeches recorded onto a tape in Tim's back instead of his usual cry of "Mama!") and he immediately lifts the spirits of his troops with rousing visits, which lead to British victories all the way across Europe.

However the war is still deadlocked at Christmas time, so a soccer ball bounces out of the trenches for the deciding showdown between England and Germany. Unfortunately during the 90 minute match, both teams of war-wounded players are unable to even make contact with the ball, let alone score a goal, so extra time is required. The entire English team is replaced by Tim as Churchill but although he controls the ball effortlessly, he boots it way over the top of the goal and the Germans substitute their team for a tank, which earns a yellow card after it flattens Tim in a bid to shoot at goal.

The match is still deadlocked after extra time, so the war must be decided by a penalty shootout. Tim brilliantly saves all five shots on goal from the German tank and then gently dribbles a kick which slowly rolls underneath the tank before it stops right on the line. The crowd hold their breath as the referee measures how much of the ball is on each side of the line and then erupt in celebration as the goal is given and the war is won by England. And so, Winston Churchill receives his knighthood and a place in history while the three little boys who did all of the hard work are rewarded with lollipops. So long suckers indeed!

* Headmaster of Highbrow Hall: "Last term the Chaplain was extremely upset when one of you 6-year-olds proved that God doesn't exist. As from today I'm going to suspend all gobstoppers until the culprit either owns up or gives the Chaplain three jolly good reasons for a belief in the almighty."

* Winston Churchill: "Never ...... in the field of human conflict ......"

Graeme: "Oh dear, the war's gonna be over by the time you finish that!"

* The simple Lancashire couple expecting a baby, with the newspaper headlines constantly revising their headlines upwards (twins, triplets, etc - eventually to 'Blimey It's A Football Team!') as the mother gets increasingly larger each day, the ambulance crew whacking her stomach on the top of the door frame as they try to stretcher her into hospital, the chain-smoking father nervously pacing the floor with the clock whizzing round and round until he belts it in frustration and a team of doctors flying out the door after she has finally given birth to a full-sized Bill (complete with bushy beard), who causes his father to faint in shock after uttering "Hello Daddy!" and then starts bawling himself.

*Baby Bill pounding on the table demanding a huge bottle of milk, scoffing it down rapidly, being perched upon his father's shoulder and then billowing the curtains out the window with a gigantic burp and also him blowing out the candles on his second birthday cake only to send the cake splattering onto the head of his hapless father.

* Bill and Graeme having to defuse a bomb within 30 seconds after it has crashed through the roof of the school as part of their 2 year olds initiative test while Tim is trying to fit a round peg in a different shaped hole, with Tim annoying them by throwing a block at them, then scaring hell out of Graeme just as he is about to delicately cut a bomb wire by jumping up behind them shouting "BOO!". The lads manage to defuse the bomb and are congratulated by the headmaster when the block puzzle explodes with a huge bang instead.

* Graeme asking Bill to pick up all of the pieces of Tim following his plane jump without a parachute then placing them in a wheelbarrow, only to discover that Tim's head is missing, with Bill handing him a cauliflower and a cabbage instead (which Graeme throws away in disgust, then thumps Bill) before finally giving him Tim's bonnet-clad, head which Graeme also throws away until Bill thumps him in annoyance. Also Tim's dismembered head loudly screaming away, not from the pain factor but from missing his teddy (which made a very safe parachute landing) until Teddy is stuffed into the wheelbarrow too.

* The Pathe News report (as the emblem of a chook in a gas mask gets detonated with a huge flutter of feathers!) with the morale of the British troops rising as Winston Churchill (the romper suited Tim complete with a jerry on his head) visits them, marching back and forth, giving two-finger salutes (until Graeme hastily turns his fingers around to form the 'V for Victory' sign instead), jumping into the trenches, tipping tea over ladies and delivering inspiring speeches (like "Mama!" after Graeme has forgotten to put the Churchill cassette in his back!)

Geoffrey Palmer, Andrew Ray, Sharon Miller, Ernie Goodyear

The last episode of their ten year stint at the BBC (before moving to LWT), the narrated 'war correspondent' style along with the not overly hilarious 'grown up babies' concept produces a good finale, but not a great one compared to their usual incredibly high standards.

III Goody Goody Yum Yum

BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM:

IIII - Officially amazing.

III - Goody goody yum yum.

II - Fair-y punkmother.

I - Tripe on t' pikelets.

November Episode Summary –

5. GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW

Hi there pop pickers and welcome to another Goodies Music Review. This is the first time that we've had one for the best part of 1 year, 7 months, 4 days ... a hell of a long time anyway, but we intend to once again make them a part of the C&G occasionally, just for a bit of variety!

It's over to your daffy DJs Emperor Caligula (aka Brett Allender) and Peaches Stiletto (aka Linda Kay) and their review of "A MAN'S BEST FRIEND IS HIS DUCK" by The Goodies, of course!

"A Man's Best Friend Is His Duck" can be heard on the 1970's albums "The Goodies Beastly Record" and "The Goodies Greatest Hits", and also on a single along with "Taking My Oyster For Walkies"

Lyrics sung by Graeme, with backing from Tim

Many's the time I've felt lonely (ohhh)

Many's the time I've felt sad

But now I have found a companion

The best pal that I've ever had

Oh who is it carries the papers

When I take him for romps in the park

Who comes when I whistle, who sits when I say

And who doesn't whimper or bark

Yes, a man's best friend is his duck (His what?!)

Oh a duck can bring you good luck

Oh I don't want a budgie who says naughty words

And I don't take to titmice or hummingbirds

And a hen can do nothing but cluck (cluck cluck)

No, a man's best friend is his duck

What is a duck? A duck is fidelity with feathers. A watchdog with webbed feet. A duck is strong, even when wet. And when you come home after a hard day being nibbled by vultures, something will run down the path to meet you. Something who cares. Your duck. And as you settle into your armchair, she'll climb up on your knee, and as she lays her head on your shoulder, and lays her egg in your hand, she'll stick her beak in your ear and whisper softly (quack). And you'll know, you'll know you love her, you'll know because she's your old duck.

Oh a man's best friend is his duck (quack quack)

A duck is well known for its pluck (quack quack)

If a burglar breaks in, it'll chase him back (ooh 'eck)

And scare him away with a spine chilling quack

'Cos you can get a very nasty suck (slurp)

If you muck about with a duck (quack quack)

A man's best friend is his duck

Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack, quack quack

Oh a man's best friend is his duck

(Peaches Stilletto): Waddle they think of next? At last, the long-time misconception about what animal is man's best friend is set straight in this jaunty tune. You could search the whole wide world web (that would be quite a feat ... web feat?) and not come up with a song that so adequately fills the bill. It's about time our finest-feathered friend, the duck, was given the respect it truly deserves. After all, the duck has a long-standing history in comedy ... from the Marx Brothers' movie, "Duck Soup," to Joe Penner's classic line "You wanna buy a duck?" to the Secret Word duck in Groucho's "You Bet Your Life," not to mention classic cartoon ducks such as Donald (and his extended family, Scrooge McDuck plus Huey, Dewey and Louie), Daffy Duck (and his classic Duck Dodgers incarnation), Baby Huey (who would scare anyone away with his looks, let alone his quack!) and even more recent duck stars like Darkwing Duck, Dynamo Duck (anyone remember him?) and Duckman. Anyone who isn't down with this song is just blind. It's a quacking good number and beats "Disco Duck" all to ... well, I won't get myself ruffled.

(Emperor Caligula): One of the nifty benefits of Graeme being a loony scientist was that he didn't have to waste his time wandering down to the pet store to find his perfect animal companion. A few shovelfuls of growth hormones to tiny Twinkle or the borrowing of Nicholas Parsons' brain and Yul Brynner's hair (or was that the other way around?!) and a few other bits and pieces and he invariably had a nice, if not so little, pussy cat or puppy dog to be his furry friend. However it seems as though good ol' Graybungles has cast aside Kitten Kong and given Frankenfido the flick in favour of ... shock, horror ... a duck! Maybe he needs to see a quack (next appointment after me!) because this duck isn't even a giant-sized one, doesn't lay golden eggs like the geese in Beanstalk and probably even has some rather dodgy personal hygiene habits like Bill's dodo, not to mention its nasty suck if you muck about with it. Ah well, it's quite a nice rollicking, old-fashioned music hall-style tune and at least if the Endangered Species Club decide to take up duck hunting instead, then Graeme will have plenty of nice soft feathers for his pillow, though this prospect could get him a little down in the mouth (boo hiss!)

Using the Black Pudding Rating System:

III Goody Goody Yum Yum (Peaches Stiletto)

III Goody Goody Yum Yum (Emperor Caligula)

6. GOODIES COR COMICS SYNOPSIS #34

25th August, 1973 No. 57

Cover banner: "Goody-Goody! TV Stars "The Goodies" Appear Inside!"

The Goodies take to the sea once again in this month's Cor!! comic review as they search for treasure. But will this outing provide a treasure of gags, or sink like a stone to murky depths of comic obscurity? One must read on to find out!

Header: THE GOODIES THINK A TREASURE HUNT IS A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE CASH!

A man in scuba gear comes running into the Goodies' office, carrying a map. He rushes in so quickly Bill is startled, jumping up into Tim's arms. Graeme sits casually at the desk with a newspaper in his hands.

DIVER: I say, chaps ... we can't seem to find the *treasure* on this old *treasure map!* Half of the loot is yours if you can find it!

GRAEME: *YOU'RE ON!*

The Goodies dig through a wicker basket full of costumes and supplies. Graeme produces the helmet of an old-fashioned diving suit as Bill dresses himself as a pirate, complete with a parrot on his shoulder, a scarf, hat and a sword which he swings and cuts Tim's tie in half.

GRAEME: Aha! Here's what we need to *dive* for the treasure!

BILL: I'd much rather be a *pirate* and pinch somebody else's!

The Goodies mount their trandem and head to the sea in nautical clothes; Tim is sporting sunglasses as well. Bill is now wearing the helmet, although the pirate's hat sits atop it (and the parrot sits on the back of the bike).

GRAEME: Right, gang ... we're on our way!

BILL: Soon I'll be swinging a sackful o' *doubloons* ... weighed down with *pieces of eight!* Ha-Harrr!

The Goodies continue on, but Tim is all but blinded by the sunglasses. Bill's helmet window looks like a fuzzy TV screen and there is now a television aerial on the top.

TIM: Can anyone see the sea yet?

BILL: No ... I'm picking up the wrong *CHANNEL!* Ha-Harrr!