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» Jun 2008
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* THE GOODIES FAN CLUB CLARION AND GLOBE *
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* THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK!' *
Issue No. 151 12th June 2008
THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G
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EDITOR
- Brett Allender <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>
ACE REPORTER:
- Lisa Manekofsky
FEATURE ARTICLE CONTRIBUTOR:
- Wahski
C&G CONTRIBUTORS:
- Daniel Bowen, Michael Cahill, Wackywales, punheaven, Michael Shaw, Edna, Jenny_Gibbon
WITH SPECIAL THANKS TO: Tim Brooke-Taylor
CONTENTS
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1. QUIZ & QUOTE - Goodies brainteasers for you and you and you
2. GOODIES Q&A – Tim answers some Goodies fan questions
3. BOFFO IDEAS – The latest club news and happenings
4. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.
5. 2001 AND A BIT - Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.
6. FEATURE ARTICLE (Part 2) – Goodies Imaginary Pinball Machine
7. GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW #35 – There's A Walrus In My Soup
8. GOODIES CROSSWORD SOLUTION - from C&G 150
9. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
1. QUIZ & QUOTE
***************
(by "Magnus Magnesium")
QUOTE: "I'll go out and find us a nice disco, even if I have to start one myself."
(a) Which Goodie says this quote?
(b) What is the name of the disco that he establishes?
(c) Which episode is this quote from?
QUIZ: This month's questions are from the LWT episode "Animals", the very last Goodies episode made.
(d) Whose dog training kit does Tim use?
(e) What is weird about the way that this kit works?
(f) What is the name of Graeme's restaurant?
(g) What does the final bullock yell as he jumps out the window?
(h) Where is Graeme finally cornered by the enraged people/animals?
The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.
2. GOODIES Q&A
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In recent times we gave club members the opportunity to submit some "Questions you've always wanted to ask a Goody but never had the chance to do so" and here is the first instalment of replies by the "Officially Amazing" Tim Brooke-Taylor:
IF YOU WERE STILL MAKING "THE GOODIES", WHICH CURRENT TOPICS WOULD YOU WANT TO PARODY? HOW DO YOU THINK YOU MIGHT HANDLE THE SUBJECT OF OUT-OF-CONTROL PAPARAZZI?
We'd definitely be dealing with reality shows – Big Brother, Strictly Come Dancing, The Apprentice etc etc. Probably one of us would be on the show, believing our own publicity, while the other two look on in amazement on the office TV. We did of course do 'Come Dancing'.
We would also have a go at 'Celebrity' and paparazzi would be a big part of that.
WHO WAS THE MORE FORMIDABLE FOE - TWINKLE THE GIANT KITTEN OR THE GIANT DOUGAL?
Twinkle definitely. This is mostly because we could hear the cursing of those having to manoeuvre Dougal around whilst chasing us.
DO YOU WATCH BILL'S NATURE SHOWS?
Not all of them. He certainly knows his stuff.
INCREASINGLY BROADCASTERS AND OTHER RIGHTS HOLDERS ARE MAKING TELEVISION SHOWS AVAILABLE ONLINE; THIS INCLUDES BOTH CURRENT AS WELL AS ARCHIVAL SERIES. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE "THE GOODIES" EPISODES OFFICIALLY AVAILABLE ONLINE (WHETHER IT BE FOR AD-SUPPORTED FREE PLAYBACK OR PAID DOWNLOADS)? DO YOU KNOW OF ANY SERVICES THAT MIGHT BE CONSIDERING THIS?
I certainly don't know of anyone doing this. I'd just love to see them on mainstream TV because there the public can decide whether they stand up or not. Downloads, I suspect, would be for those who already like the show.
WERE THE NICHOLAS PARSONS MASKS A GOODIES CREATION OR WERE THE HORRID THINGS ACTUALLY PART OF NICHOLAS'S REPERTOIRE OR MERCHANDISE AT THE TIME?
A Goodies creation. Even Nicholas wouldn't…no wait a minute…
IS THERE ANY CHANCE OF FURTHER GOODIES CDS BEING RELEASED, PARTICULARLY OF THE MUSIC FROM THE EPISODES (SUCH AS "RUN")?
I wouldn't think so.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO THE FULL-SIZED GOODIES MOBILE OFFICE PROP WHICH WAS USED IN THE EPISODES "THE NEW OFFICE" AND "THE RACE"? DO YOU KNOW IF IT WAS EVER RECYCLED FOR USE IN OTHER SHOWS?
Not to my knowledge
WHAT IS THE CORRECT SPELLING FOR A SINGLE MEMBER OF THE GOODIES - GOODY OR GOODIE?
I use Goody
IN WHICH CURRENT SHOWS (TV, RADIO, THEATRE) WOULD YOU LIKE TO APPEAR?
QI, some soaps (Casualty, Holby City), Doctor Who
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT SO MANY OF YOUR FEMALE FANS THAT LOVE AND ADORE YOU?
I feel the same way about them. Actually I'm extremely flattered and just hope they don't visit their opticians too soon.
DID YOU ENJOY BEING THE SUBJECT OF THE "BEANZ MEANZ HEANZ" SPOOF ADS, BEING ON THE RECEIVING END OF ALL THE PHYSICAL BAKED BEANS AND HITTING ACTIONS INVOLVED?
I enjoyed the character and there's nothing better than a bath in Baked Beans is there? Is there?
THERE'S SOME CONFUSION ABOUT THE AUTHORSHIP OF THE "DECK OF CARDS" SKETCH. THE "TW3" SCRIPT CREDITS "ODDIE/BROOKE-TAYLOR/FROST" (THANKS TO ANDREW PIXLEY FOR THAT PIECE OF INFO). ON THE PARLOPHONE SINGLE, IN WHICH THE SKETCH IS PERFORMED BY DAVID FROST, THE WRITERS ARE LISTED AS TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR & CHRIS STEWART-CLARKE. WHEN THE SKETCH WAS USED IN "I'M SORRY I'LL READ THAT AGAIN" YOU ARE THE SOLE CREDITED WRITER. HOWEVER AT LEAST TWICE DAVID FROST HAS CITED BILL AS THE WRITER (IN BILL'S "THIS IS YOUR LIFE" AND IN A RECENT INTERVIEW). CAN YOU CLEAR UP THE CONFUSION?
It was written for a college ball cabaret in which Bill, I and Christ Stuart-Clarke were involved. It was written by Chris and myself as far as I remember, but I'm sure Bill had an input and he had a direct line to David Frost.
YOU'VE MENTIONED IN INTERVIEWS THAT WHEN GIVEN AN OPPORTUNITY TO DO A TV SERIES IN 1968 YOU WERE LOOKING FOR A FRIEND TO DO IT WITH AND IT WAS ERIC IDLE WHO SUGGESTED GRAEME (THE SHOW BECAME "BROADEN YOUR MIND"). I WAS CURIOUS WHY GRAEME WASN'T SOMEONE YOU THOUGHT OF SOONER, SINCE BY THAT TIME YOU'D BEEN WORKING TOGETHER FOR SEVERAL YEARS ON "I'M SORRY I'LL READ THAT AGAIN".
I'd never really worked with Graeme properly before. We never really did anything together at Cambridge and, after that, he was training to be a doctor.
IS THERE ANY PRESSURE/LEVERAGE/ECKY-THUMP THAT YOU CAN PUT ON THE TV NETWORKS TO GET THE COMPLETE SERIES OF "THE GOODIES" RELEASED ON DVD?
I don't think that we can do anymore. The BBC are reluctant and Network, though doing a great job, don't have much help from the BBC.
YOU'VE SPENT THE PAST FEW YEARS FIRST TOURING AS THE GOODIES AND THEN AS PART OF THE CAST OF THE "I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE" STAGE TOUR. SINCE THIS Q&A IS FOR A GOODIES NEWSLETTER I WON'T PUT YOU ON THE SPOT AND ASK YOU WHICH YOU PREFER, BUT WHAT DO YOU PERSONALLY CONSIDER TO BE THE PROS & CONS OF EACH TOUR?
The Goodies shows were fun in a 'let's look and see what it was all about' sort of way.
We did some performing, but not that much and we were having to sell the show.
It was different in Australia because the audience were properly 'educated' and much more fun
'Clue' was better in another way. We were creating new stuff all the time and our audience, this time were 'educated'.
WHAT'S THE WEIRDEST QUESTION YOU'VE BEEN ASKED OR REQUEST THAT'S BEEN MADE OF YOU AS A GOODY?
"Would you please sign this breast Tim and this Brooke. My friend would like hyphen and Taylor".
3. BOFFO IDEAS
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You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail <enquiries@goodiesruleok.com> with your comments, ideas or suggestions - meanwhile these are the boffo ideas which our club has been working on this month:
WEBSITE POLLS
A musical question provided just the ticket for one of the more spread-out voting patterns that we've had in recent times, with the non-stop music concert of The Goodies Almost Live narrowly winning out over Tim Revolta and Olivia Newton Grayboots, with the epic live performances of Bounce and Wild Thing from The Goodies Rule OK also having their admirers. Thankfully Rolf didn't have too many admirers this time around and they've all been safely locked up anyway!
Many Goodies episodes feature the trio performing as a musical act. Which is your favourite? (Use the comments to suggest others not on this list).
- The Music Lovers (The Stolen Musicians) 12 votes
- Superstar 1 votes
- The Goodies Rule - OK? 16 votes
- The Goodies - Almost Live 35 votes
- Hype Pressure 8 votes
- Punky Business 13 votes
- Saturday Night Grease 30 votes
- Holidays 5 votes
- other 4 votes
- I prefer "The Best of Rolf Harris" 13 votes
Total 137 votes
This month's poll deals with the interesting concept of which Goodies creation would have made it big out here in the real world. Already their concept from The Goodies Rule OK of mindless wooden dummies running the government has been keenly embraced by countries worldwide, and these dummies are working on banning anything that remotely looks like being fun or entertaining too!
So slip on your one-piece suit, wolf down a bowl of Goodies Plastic Spacemen (watch out for that cornflake!) and dash off to the polling booth on the website before the puppet government comes along to ban voting altogether. You know it makes sense!
Which Goodies project would have been most successful in the real world?
- Radio Goodies
- Goodies Miracle Elixir
- a North Pole Winter Olympics
- a Clapped Out Pets Rest Home
- Snooze
- The Art of Ecky Thump
- a Camelot theme park
- Goodie Hols vacations
- other
- a Celebrity Safari Park (Rolf optional)
4. SPOTTED!!!
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More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the Goodies recently, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! the Goodies this month:
THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY …!
(Lisa Manekofsky – 24th May)
From The Times
May 24, 2008
Why The Goodies had to 'get back' at Mary Whitehouse
Tim Brooke-Taylor recalls The Goodies' best efforts to irritate Mrs Whitehouse
Normally I love stories where the little man or woman takes on the Establishment and wins. I did enjoy Filth: The Mary Whitehouse Story, in spite of this particular little woman winning. I was not a fan of Mary Whitehouse, who did more harm to the arts than anyone I can think of. She certainly, for a time, hurt me.
It was possibly the most depressing moment of my life. I was at a party to celebrate the making of the first series of The Goodies. Our producer, John Howard Davies, stood on a chair to make an announcement. It was a letter from one of our viewers saying that she thought The Goodies was a great addition to the BBC's output. Quite nice, we thought, until we heard the dreaded words - "from a Mrs Mary Whitehouse". The room fell silent.
Many claims have been made for the Sixties. It was a time of change and, to my mind, nearly always for the better. But if it was truly permissive I didn't see much of it, and Mrs Whitehouse tried her best to make sure I saw none of it at all.
On radio we'd had a hard time with censorship, but that only encouraged double entendre. Round the Horne got away with so much because the top brass didn't understand. I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again once had an odd cut. We asked the producer why. He said, "Because the audience laughed." He just assumed it was filthy.
\
Somehow we had to get back at Mary Whitehouse. We decided to do a show all about her. The character was called Mrs Desiree Carthorse and was played by Beryl Reid. In the show, Mrs Carthorse thought that we were the ideal people to make a clean film about the facts of life: Mrs Carthorse: "I don't find you reading dirty books, looking at filthy TV programmes and playing around with girls. You are obviously . . ." Graeme Garden: "Unlucky." Tim B-T (wanting the job): "Unlucky . . . no, no we're pure, pure."
We made a film, entitled How to Make Babies by Doing Dirty Things, with such narration as "Now we all know about the rude bits. Aren't they rude? And as we get older they get ruder and ruder."
We made Mary Whitehouse, we hoped, seem crass, with lines like: Bill: "What does your husband do?" Mrs C: "He keeps his distance."
We then waited for Mrs Whitehouse's reaction. But we heard nothing. Absolutely nothing.
The most pornographic pieces around as far as I was concerned involved horrific violence, but Mrs Whitehouse didn't seem to mind that. Racially offensive stuff didn't bother her, either. She was worried about language, the human body and procreation. My character once had to say "bloody hell". I was made to redub it as "ruddy hell". The BBC acknowledged that this was the power of Mrs Whitehouse. It was afraid of her.
We did finally shake off the curse of Mrs W, in an episode entitled Saturday Night Grease. I played a John Travolta type getting dressed to Night Fever on the record player. As I struggled into a pair of tight jeans, my Y-fronts were revealed to have a large carrot painted on the front. To this day it looks pretty innocent to me. But not to Mrs W. She sent a telegram to the Director-General of the BBC complaining specifically about the carrot. Phew! We were back in business, our street cred intact.
GOODIES RESCREENINGS
I notice that after a break this week (Bank holiday in UK?) The Goodies return to Paramount Comedy 2 next Monday night, 2 June, at 21:00/21:30, repeated one hour later on Paramount 2+1 and again showing at 00:00/00:30 back on the main channel.
(Michael Cahill – 26th May)
(Lisa Manekofsky – 31st May)
WHEN WERE WE FUNNIEST?
Thanks to Jenny_Gibbon for letting us know that UKTV Gold aired the 1970's episode of "When Were We Funniest?" on Thursday (and that, according to their website, The Goodies are in the top 30). The episode is scheduled to be repeated this Saturday (14 June) at 7-9pm.
THE GOODIES – THE FINAL EPISODES
(Lisa Manekofsky)
Last month "The Goodies - The Final Episodes" was released in Australia. This two DVD set is the long awaited Australian version of "The Goodies - The Complete LWT Series", which was released in the UK in March 2007.
Both sets contain the complete final series (series 9) of "The Goodies". The trio had moved from the BBC to London Weekend Television for this series of seven episodes - "Robot", "Football Crazy", "Bigfoot", "Change of Life", "Holidays", "Animals", and the Christmas special "Snow White 2".
While the Australian set has a different title and cover artwork, upon popping the disks into your DVD player it is immediately apparent they are basically the same sets - the main menu actually says "The Complete LWT Series" instead of "The Final Episodes"! The good news for Australian fans is the new set has almost all of the same bonus features as the UK set.
Included are:
* commentaries by Tim, Graeme, & Bill on two episodes (Change of Life and Holidays)
* various 1975 Goodies musical performances from Shangalang (Funky Gibbon and Black Pudding Bertha) and Look Alive (Nappy Love, Wild Thing, and Make a Daft Noise for Christmas)
* archive interviews from Sunday Sunday (1983) and This Morning (1993 and 1994), plus a 1978 interview with Tim & Graeme at the Cambridge Arts Theatre
* a complete episode of From the Top (entitled Growing Up...and Out), written by Bill Oddie & Laura Beaumont and starring Bill
* a 1981 clip of Tim judging a turkey competition
* original script PDFs
* a stills gallery
Unfortunately, two bonus features from the UK set are not included in the Australian release. The first, presumably missing due to licensing reasons, is an episode of "Doctor in the House" entitled "Doctor on the Box". The episode, which was written by Graeme Garden & Bill Oddie, includes a cameo appearance from Graeme. Besides being available on the British set this episode also is included in another of Network's UK releases, "Doctor in the House - The Complete Series 2"
The other omission, sadly, is the excellent booklet written by Andrew Pixley for "The Complete LWT Series".
Despite the absence of these two items, "The Final Episodes" should be a welcome addition to any Australian Goodies fan's collection. For any who would prefer to have the set with the booklet, please note that the UK set actually is encoded for both Regions 2 & 4 and can be purchased from online UK vendors such as Amazon.co.uk and Sendit.com.
5. 2001 AND A BIT
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If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays. Those of you seeking radio and tv alerts between issues of the C&G should consider signing up for the Goodies-l mailing list (more details available on the club website), as our crack (cracked?!) team of reporters attempt to post alerts as the information becomes available.
** (All items in this section contributed by Lisa Manekofsky, except where otherwise credited) **
BILL SPOTTINGS
(Daniel Bowen – 21st May)
* Springwatch has returned for its 2008 series. The UK nature show premiered last evening and, according to The Guardian "it began its three-week run with 4.1 million viewers - 300,000 up on the launch of last year's series - although audience share remained constant."
(27th May)
* Mon-Thurs evenings starting Mon, 26 May - the news series of "Springwatch" with Bill Oddie on BBC 2 at 20:00. NOTE that the Weds, June 11th episode may air at the earlier time of 18:30 due to the Euro 2008 football match. The episodes are available via the BBC iPlayer (http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/page/item/b00bvmhg.shtml ) for UK residents after broadcast.
(31st May)
* Mon, 9 June - "Never Mind The Buzzcocks" is a repeat which includes an appearance by Bill. It will be shown on Dave at 21:40 and again early Tuesday morning at 00:20.
(31st May)
* Bill has a mention by Richard Hammond in the Mirror.
(Michael Shaw – 2nd Jun)
* Next week BBC 2 will show four Springwatch Specials. According to http://www.bbc.co.uk/springwatch/features/specials.shtml - "For 2008, Springwatch has a week four! We've made a mini series of themed Springwatch Specials to run through the week after the live shows. Monday – Thursday 8pm, BBC TWO from Monday 16 June until Thursday 19 June".
Details about the specials are available at the link above; that page also has a short clip from Bill's special which is viewable from within the UK.
(10th Jun)
* A year-long green initiative called EcoBeebies will launch on the Cbeebies channel on Friday.
EcoBeebies will introduce three to six-year-olds and their families to a range of environmental, conservation and wildlife related issues, with contributions from familiar faces including Springwatch presenter and conservationist Bill Oddie.
(11th Jun)
(12th Jun)
* I finally got a chance to listen to a recording of Bill's interview on BBC Birmingham earlier today. Here are a few news tidbits Bill mentioned.
- They will be doing Autumnwatch this year.
- The BBC has already green lighted Springwatch 2009.
- Bill claimed the fuss about his "smutty" remarks on Springwatch this year was the result of the Daily Mail making an issue out of only three such complaints on the BBC Message Boards (though once the story got picked up by other papers other complaints were posted).
- Bill said he's finally started writing his autobiography, which he's been putting off doing for some time. A listing for the book popped up on Amazon.co.uk a few months ago (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Autobiography-Bill-Oddie/dp/0340951923/ ) with a September 2008 publication date (though it's possible that will be pushed back - just speculation on my part, not something said in the interview).
(13th Jun)
GRAEME SPOTTINGS
* Tues, 3 June - "Whose Line is It Anyway?" is another repeat of Graeme's appearance from the first series of the show. It'll air on Dave at 19:30 and again at 23:45.
(31st May)
* Mondays - "The Unbelievable Truth". The second series airs on BBC Radio 4 at 18:30 (repeated on Sundays around noon). Each episode can be heard online at www.bbc.co.uk/radio4 and for a week after broadcast from Listen Again at
(31st May)
(31st May)
* date TBD - "Would I Lie To You?" - Thanks to punheaven for noting that Graeme is scheduled to appear in an upcoming episode of this panel show.
(31st May)
TIM SPOTTINGS
Thanks to wackywales for posting info about these shows in the forums:
* "Torn Up Tales"
Surreal comic retelling of Beauty and the Beast, with lip-synching punks and an 18th-century narrator. Starring Emma Fryer, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Tony Way, Emma Kearney, Faye McKeever and Zoe Iqbal.
Monday 2nd June at 23:00 on BBC 3
repeated, Tuesday 3rd June at 01:45 on BBC3
* "What the Dickens?"
A new panel game on which Tim is one of the team captains. Starts this Wednesday, 28 May, at 9pm on SkyArts. Details at http://www.skyarts.co.uk/SkyArts/Books/Article.aspx?artid=5556
(27th May)
* Tim is scheduled to appear in a radio show with Marcus Brigstocke called "I've Never Seen Star Wars" (the show may air under the title "It's Later Than You Think"). The recording with Tim is scheduled for June 26th. It doesn't appear tickets are available for that evening, but some info about the series can be found at http://shows.external.bbc.co.uk/help/shows/its_later_than .
(10th Jun)
* Tim and Graeme will both be making an appearance in the British television series "Heartbeat". Tim will be reprising the same character as in his two previous appearance.
(10th Jun)
* In September Tim & Graeme will be reprising the Buster Keaton show they presented at Slapstick 2008 this past January. The show, to be entitled "Tim and Graeme’s Classic Keaton Shorts", is tentatively scheduled for 7 & 14 September 2008 at The Barbican in London and The Rex Cinema in Berkhamstead (I don't know yet which date will be at which venue). Please note that until the shows are officially announced by the theaters the details should be considered subject to change.
Here's a preliminary blurb about the show: "The I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue panellists and former 'Goodies' Tim Brooke-Taylor and Graeme Garden choose their favourite Keaton short films including his masterpiece comedy ONE WEEK (1920). Tim and Graeme reveal the works that have influenced their lives and work along with a special montage of Goodies scenes influenced by the great comic. With live musical accompaniment this promises to be a unique afternoon of music, laughter and family entertainment."
(10th Jun)
I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE (ISIHAC) and
I'M SORRY I'LL READ THAT AGAIN (ISIRTA)
(29th May)
For 35 years Humphrey Lyttelton and the team of Barry Cryer, Tim Brooke-Taylor and Graeme Garden have toured this great country in search of the perfect audience. In the next 30 or 40 years, they hope to brush with at least one. At every venue a short history is presented both to the audience and their delightful scorer Samantha (who it seems is always happy to rub along with the local gentlemen). This is a collection, a Baedeker, an AA guide if you will, of things little-known about our great island, seen through their eyes, travelling from the celebrated Judi Dench Cottage in the Lakes to the 'Venice of the South' also known as Camden's Hawley Arms. 'Britain, Britain, Britain,' as was once said by lesser mortals. Well, now here it is...
(29th May)
* Sun, 15 June - BBC Radio 4 will be presenting Humphrey Lyttelton Day, which will include a series of tributes including one from the "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" team from 11:15am.
(31st May)
(31st May)
* Saturdays through July 12th - "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again", on ABC Radio National at 5:30. This 1960's sketch comedy series starred with all three Goodies plus John Cleese, Jo Kendall, & David Hatch (info at http://www.abc.net.au/rn/comedy/default.htm )
(31st May)
- six classic episodes of "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" will begin airing on BBC Radio 4 on Mondays starting 16 June. The first repeat will be a 1993 episode featuring Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor and Willie Rushton, with Humphrey Lyttelton in the chair and Colin Sell on piano.
(7th Jun)
(9th Jun)
(12th Jun)
6. FEATURE ARTICLE
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GOODIES IMAGINARY PINBALL MACHINE (Part 2)
Part 1 of this article appeared in last month's C&G #150. Although one was never manufactured, a person who designs pinball machines produced a document which describes how they would go about creating a Goodies pinball machine:
Rules of imaginary Goodies machine
Version 1.2 (12/November/1993)
By: Cameron Silver
RULES
There are 9 Jobs (modes); but before you groan, I tried to add a little
variation. All will become clear soon. The Jobs are:
Funky Gibbon; Radio Goodies; Light Extra Ball; Big Points; The Cream Rush; Concrete; String; Light The Lamp -> The End.
Each Job has to be enabled before it can be started. The jobs are shown on the playfield. Lit jobs have been completed, flashing ones are enabled, and blank ones are yet to be enabled. Start Job is used to start a job. The arrow at the entrance to the lane will flash if you can start a job, be lit if you can start the next job you enable, be unlit if nothing will happen. It'll be a little clear soon. If Start Job is lit when you shoot it, the ball will just be popped back out (to the left inlane) as there are no jobs available. If it is not lit when you shoot it, the ball will also be popped back out. If it is flashing when you shoot it, you will be presented with the list of current jobs. A pointer will move down along the jobs (like Mr DNA on JP, or the FishFinder in Fish Tales) - Hit any flipper button to choose the job you want. If only one job was available, than you will automatically start that. Once the ball is popped out, you will have to re-light Start Job to start a new job.
Start Job is re-lit by shooting a number of lit shots. To re-light S.J to start you second job, will require two shots to be hit; to re-light it before starting your third job, will require three shots to be hit. Shots are lit by the machine, and it will choose random shots to light (like rafts/hazards on White Water). For example, you just started your fourth job, so Start Job will not be lit. There will be five shots lit on the playfield. Once you have shoot these five shots, Start Job will re light.
It will flash if there are jobs enabled, and shooting it will let you choose the job; it will not flash if there are no jobs enabled, but as soon as you enable a job, it will start to flash. You can have more than one job enabled; you can have more than one running, but when you shoot Start Job, you can only choose one job. During multiball, you cannot start/enable more jobs, but any running will continue.
Now that that's sorted out, I'll explain the jobs (all scores are but in the end of ball bonus):
Funky Gibbon: Enable this job by completing the GIBBON targets the desired number of times (once usually). Starting this job gets Bill saying "Come on everybody ... It's gibbon time!" The timer starts at 10 seconds, and a shot will light (flash). It may, or may not be one of the shots needed to re-light Start Job. Once hit, the time will be doubled (but count down faster), the music <funky gibbon> will speed up, and two shots will be lit. You get 1m * No of shots. IE: The first shot is worth 1m, the second two are 2m each, the three are 3m each etc. Sometimes when a shot is hit, you will hear time say "He's been possessed by a Gibbon".
Radio Goodies: Enough completions of the record targets enables this job. When started you hear "Radio Goodies ... Bommm". It is basically a hurry-up. You have to supply the station with music to play. Typical 'Hurry Up' music is played, and occasionally you hear bursts of panic like, Tim: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I'm a tea-pot, I'm a tea Pot" - It's very effective! Once you've shot the Radio (right orbit) you get a Party Zone like request, except every song is 'A Walk In The Black Forrest', wich then starts to play. (Note: the ball is diverted off the right orbit pretty early so it doesn't go past the spinner, and it doesn't get into the bumpers to increase the size of the kitten. It DOES award a left orbit shot though (if it was lit for Gibbon, or to re-light Start Job).
Light Extra Ball: Enough hits on the Extra ball target will enable this job.
Big Points: Enough completions of the Big Points targets will enable this job. The two targets will be lit to collect a random value (between 10 and 20 million). When the first target is hit, the value is SUBTRACTED from your score. Each hit to the same target will keep subtracting the value from your score - until your score is 0 (zero) and the mode will end. If you hit the other target, you will get it all back plus the original value.
The Cream Rush: Completing Cream, Jam and Scones will enable this Job. Completing one will spot one letter in another. (IE: Completing JAM will spot a letter in CREAM). If three banks have only one target remaining, then when you complete one bank, the other two will complete as well; and an extra job will be enabled. This is a video mode similar to Dracula's. There are four tents on each side of the screen and a tomato in the middle. Graeme will pop out of one or more tents (at random), and you squirt him using the flipper buttons. The speed increases.
Concrete - The ball must remain under the playfield for a certain amount of time before concrete will be enabled. The third meter on the computer reflects the amount of time the ball is under the playfield; any time the ball is out of sight (after hitting a sink-hole) the meter starts to move. This Job is very similar to Judge Dredd's SafeCracker and Creature's Move Your Car. (The scoring is the same). When this job is started, you hear Bill scream, "AAARRGGHH . Look at the window!" as the display (made to look like a window) is being covered by cement.
Shot No: Effect:
1 Queen: "To sacrifice their lives for their principles. goodbye."
Tim: "What do she mean? I thought she was going to get us out?!"
2 Graeme to Tim: "There might not be enough food for 3, but there might be enough for .. 2"
Tim: "You mean we're going to have to eat ... you?"
Graeme: "NO! .. I'm doing the sauce."
3 Bill: "You know you're very lucky I though about eating the furniture."
Tim: "Not half as lucky as you mate!"
4 Bill (On display with Skeletons on either side): "I'm going" - knock on door noise - "Hey! .. I'm saved ..
after all these years." Turns to skeletons and has a heart attack!
Light The Lamp! - To enable this round, the spinner (orbit) must be hit enough to make it dark. The middle meter on the Computer shows how dark it is. When this job is started, the entire machine goes blue (the same way Party Zone goes red). This includes _all_ playfield lamps - so LOCK will start flashing blue instead of green! (This can be done the same way they did the Crime Scenes in Judge Dredd). The object of this job is to light the lamp. The display will show the light turning, with Graeme standing next to it with a lighter. Every time you shoot the Light House, Graeme will light the lighter, but it will only remain lit for a very short time. The actual light will only light if it's facing Graeme when he lights his lighter, so you have to time the shot. If you light the lamp, you get 20 Million, and you have 30 seconds to do it. However, you can extend the time the lighter is lit by shooting the spinner, except that each spin subtracts 100,000 from the 20 Million. Sometimes, before the ball is popped out, you hear Tim say, "Cummon number 2 .. light the lamp!". Even more rarely, before the ball is popped out, Tim will say "Cummon number 2, light the ..." the flasher near the popper will start to flash and Tim will say "Wait for it .. wait for it.." - the flasher will stop for a while, and when Tim says "Lamp!" the ball is popped.
String - Keep shooting the String lanes to light 'String'. It works exactly as the Boat on Fish Tales, except instead of lighting small Fish, you light letters in the word 'string'; once you have light 'string', the Job becomes available. String is a two ball multiball. The left spinner starts off at 10 points for the first spin, 20 points for the second spin, 40 points for the third, 80, 160 etc. This remains for the rest of the ball. When this mode starts, the display says '20 seconds remaining'. Every time the right spinner spins (one spin), you get 1 more second added to the time - the thing is that the time only begins to count down when one ball has drained. Once a ball has drained, the left spinner _halves_ with each spin (and stops at zero), so it is actually possible to get 00 for this mode! <The score is added during the bonus count: "String: 00"!>
The End - Only enabled once the other 7 Jobs are _completed_. The display shows Graeme and Bill listening to a radio which says "The world will end at 12 O'Clock tonight". Bill says, "It's a hoax!". The radio says "This is not a hoax. World leaders have just meet and decided that due to pollution, over-population, famine, war, strikes, poverty etc, there is no point in continuing. So in one final act of military agreement, the world will be blown-up. We hope that this has not spoiled your enjoyment of this game". Graeme then says: "Oh, that's a bit of a blow...". 'A Walk In the Black Forest' starts as the ball is returned and the display says '10 hits remaining'. After 10 switch closes, a second ball will be launched. You now need 20 switch closes to get a third ball launched. Then you'll need 30 switch closes to get a fourth fall launched etc. If (for example) you have three balls in play and one drains; when you have hit the 30 switches, two more will be launched. Once all six are in play, a timed 6 ball frenzy begins. It lasts for 30 seconds with every switch closure worth 1,000,000. When a ball drains, it is re-launched. At about 10 seconds left, the music (A Walk ... Forest) will start to speed up, and lights will start flashing more. Bill then screams "AAAAA . the clock!!", and Graeme counts down '5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1'. You'll hear an explosion, the display will show a mushroom cloud - and the machine will go psycho. All solenoids will start firing, Bumpers, Slings, Flippers, Kickers, Poppers, the Knocker, trough/plunger will keep relaunching balls. After a few seconds the machine will go dead - No sound, or lights - The display will show a space scene (stars, comets etc..). The earth will appear in the middle, just as the Blue general illumination fades on. The earth will turn for a while on the display, and the player will be asked for their initials, (there will be a list of the last 5 people who witnessed the end of the world). Then play will continue.
MULTIBALL
There are two multiballs, Chase and Kitten; I'll explain Kitten first as it is my favourite.
Kitten Multiball - You should have all seen the episode of the Goodies titled Kitten Kong, where Graeme gives his Super Pet Food to a small white Kitty which grows to an enormous size, and tears up London. (The start of later episodes has a shot of Kitty demolishing the Post Office Tower.) To start Kitten Multiball (K.M) you need to increase the size of the kitten by shooting the bumpers. The display does not say how much big the kitten is, so you have no idea of how long you have until the KM starts. When it does start, The Post Office tower at the back of the machine will fall over, two more balls will be launched, and you will hear rather loud Meows... To light Jackpot you need to shoot the left orbit ('Tower' will flash at the entrance of the orbit), then shoot Jackpot in the Run! sink-hole. The jackpot will be re-lit by _two_ left orbit shots. Once the second jackpot is collected, three orbit shots will be necessary to re-light it. Jackpot value is 10M * (Number of Left orbits required to light it); so Jackpot values are 10M, 20M, 30M etc.. If one ball drains Jackpot values are halved; if two or all balls drain, KM is over. You can only start progressing to the next KM after the current one is over. You cannot start any jobs during KM (any running will continue), but you CAN relight Start Job; you can continue to build up pressure from the usual places except the left orbit; and you cannot lock balls.
Chase Multiball - More of a conventional multiball. Keep shooting Pressure to build up pressure in the Tandem's tires. The left meter on the computer reflects how much more you need. When the meter if full (all the way to the right) lock will be lit at the following places: Light House, Ramp, and the Lock/Pressure lane. For the second and subsequent multiballs, only the Lock/Pressure lane is available for locking balls. The first ball locked will be diverted to the first (front) seat on the Tandem. 'Tim' will light on the playfield above the flippers, and you'll be served another ball. The second ball locked will go to the middle seat on the Tandem, 'Graeme' will light on the playfield, and you'll hear Tim say "Graeme Garden. That's G-R-A-E-M-E.". The third ball will be locked on the back seat, and will start Multiball, 'Bill' and 'Chase' will be light on the playfield. You hear Tim say "Well it's not as silly as ODDIE ... Bill Oddie ... Blloooody stupid!". The display will show the three start riding. At the same time, the Tandem will start to move forward. On the display we see them ride straight into a tree, and they naturally fall off the bike. At the same time, the Tandem on the playfield will fall side-ways, and the three balls will fall off, roll onto the habbitrail, and be returned to the left inlane. Jackpots work the same as they do for Kitten Multiball, except the ramp is used to re-light Jackpot. The music during this multiball is 'Run!'. No jobs can be started during Chase, but any running will continue. It is possible to re-light Start Job (but shooting it has no effect), and balls put into the bumpers do not progress towards Kitten Multiball.
MISC
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When you start a game, you hear "Goodies... " Ball "
7. GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW #35 – THERE'S A WALRUS IN MY SOUP
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Hi there pop pickers and welcome to another Goodies Music Review.
WHO?
Last time around, we left your music reviewers Emperor Caligula <aka Brett Allender> and Peaches Stiletto <aka Linda Kay> merrily wobbling along to The Cricklewood Shakedown at the disco, totally oblivious to the fact that the next random selection from the jukebox would be one from SleepalongaMax Volume 98 that would drone on for a little while (just a month or two) and get them shaking alright in a combination of horror, rage, frustration and agony.
Peaches tried in vain to put her fingers in her ears, only to have the bloke next to her spill the ice from his drink down her back, giving her soggy knickers and forcing her to shake the water out of her jeans. She then kept stepping with her wet feet on the electric lead of a malfunctioning strobe light, so now she is stuck doing the Disco Heave until she either collapses from exhaustion or turns into a teapot.
Meanwhile the Emperor managed to strut off out along the street in his buttonless shirt, bathplug necklace and super-tight jeans; however he might be wishing that he'd stayed to put up with Maxie as his carrot-motif undies have proved to be a real turn-on for big Black Pudding Bertha. Ooh she can shake, like an earthquake, so the Emperor is in danger of being shattered into a thousand tiny little pieces (or splattered into one very large flat piece) if she shakes her "boom" a bit too vigorously and topples over onto him!
Therefore we'd better shake a leg and rescue them from those bad vibes by crossing over to Ye Olde Shepherds restaurant and your dispirited DJs with their music review of "THERE'S A WALRUS IN MY SOUP" by The Goodies
WHERE? WHEN?
"There's A Walrus In My Soup" can only be heard on the 70's album "The Goodies Beastly Record"
WHAT?
Lyrics: sung by Bill
[sigh] There's a little restaurant, that lonely losers love to haunt
Sitting at the corner table, able, to think of all the girls that got away
I softly start to cry, as the waiter passes by
And in his ear as I pull him near to me, you'll hear me sadly sigh
[sigh … sigh]
Waiter, waiter, there's a walrus in my soup
Tell me what am I to do, there is not enough for two
Waiter, waiter, my spirits start to droop
My baby's gone and left me with a walrus in my soup
All together now …
Waiter, waiter, there's a walrus in my soup
Yesterday an okapi, leapt into my morning tea
Waiter, waiter, how low can they stoop?
My baby's gone and left me with a walrus in my soup
Oh I haven't got a crab, in my shishkebab
I haven't got a poodle, in my apple strudel
Or a Shetland pony, in my minestrone
Or an albatross, in my Worcester sauce
And I haven't got a bustard in my custard, no!
Waiter, waiter, there's a walrus in my …
I haven't got a vole, in my sausage roll
Or a blue hyena, in my semolina
And I haven't got a cougar in my nougat, no!
Waiter, waiter, there's a walrus in my soup, oop, boop de boop.
WHY?
(Peaches Stiletto):
Poor Bill . . . he woefully mourns the loss of a conniving former girlfriend as he cries over his walrus-infested soup, but let's step back and take a look at the bigger picture. Is Bill really the target of her wrath? If, in fact, his former girlfriend is the perpetrator who put the tusked marine mammal in her unsuspecting ex-beau's consomme, isn't it possible the real target or her spite is . . . the restaurant itself? Think about it! Who is the one to suffer for this animalistic prank? Surely the health inspector, not to mention PETA, would be up in arms over such a claim. Could it be that the atmosphere of this haunt for lonely losers was so depressing that she vowed to bring it down once and for all? Such a vindictive act . . . causing poor little Bill to ramble on in rhyme about other fortunate non-victimized creatures who haven't been so traumatized as to become a garnish in a goulash. I mean, anyone who can reduce a human being to utter such ramblings as "I haven't got a parrot in my glass of claret, or an antelope in my cantaloup, or a big baboon in my macaroon, or a chimpanzee in my fricassee, or a . . . well, you get the idea . . . should be subject to the strictest punishment permissible. And then there's the backlash if the establishment should think Bill himself smuggled in the hapless pinniped and accuse him of entrapment by claiming he "found" the walrus in his soup, sweetening the story by claiming increased emotional trauma after the breakup with this "alleged" baby. Unfortunately for Bill, it seems the culprit may not be so easy to track down, since there's apparently been more than one girl who got away in his history. So the question remains, who's to blame? And what becomes of the poor walrus who's the innocent victim in this sordid tale? Is he doomed to do the backstroke in a bowl of Heinz Lentil soup for the rest of his days? Or will it become a trend where everyone will want one? A sage question that only thyme will tell.
(Emperor Caligula):
At this little restaurant that lonely losers love to haunt, this crooning old-style melody gently takes us back to the long-distant music hall days of 78rpm vinyl records, fine dining, civilised manners and high society. More to the point though, it takes us back eons to the days when all of those "waiter there's a fly in my soup" jokes were actually fresh, interesting and funny and hadn't been done to death millions of times over by untalented, pathetic so-called comedians (like me!). So seeing as we're going back to good old days of Bill's morose meals, laments over lost loves and strange rhyming critters which aren't in his gluttonous menu after all, perhaps the poor harried waiter chappy just might have used some of these fresh, interesting and thoroughly groansome responses to Bill's wail of "Waiter, waiter, there's a walrus in my soup": "Don't worry Sir, the polar bear in your main course will get him.", "Sorry sir, I must have forgotten it when I removed the other three.", "Yes Sir, it's the rotting meat that attracts them.", "Yes Sir, it's the fly's day off" or how about "Yes Sir, that's the manager, the last customer was a witch doctor." Bu-boom! Everyone a stinker, er winner …!
My own response if someone was loony enough to appoint me as Head Waiter would be "Tusk tusk Sir, please stop your blubbering about that girl. Ivory about you and that fat old Sea Vitch, so just flipper out of your thoughts and whisker memory away for good! Besides I Am The Walrus and that thing in your soup is actually a Beatle. Go on, say it … 'Waiter, there's a beetle in my soup.' … Surely not Sir, it must be one of those vitamin bees you hear so much about! Or no, it couldn't be Sir, the cook used them all in the raisin bread. Or no it's not Sir, it's just a piece of dirt that looks like one, Or how about yes Sir, he's committed insecticide! … just try to stop me (mwahahaaa!) … "
HOW!
Using the Black Pudding Rating System:
IIII Officially Amazing (Peaches Stiletto)
IIII Officially Amazing (Emperor Caligula)
THE BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM
IIIII - Superstar.
IIII - Officially Amazing.
III - Goody Goody Yum Yum.
II - Fair-y Punkmother.
I - Tripe on t' pikelets.
Next music review: Last Chance Dance (August)
8. GOODIES CROSSWORD SOLUTION
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(by Brett Allender)
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9. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
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(a) Bill
(b) Disco Bilius
(c) Saturday Night Grease
(d) Barbara Woodhouse
(e) The commands don't work on dogs, but they do work on people
(f) The Rumbling Tum Carnivorous Cuisine
(g) Geronimoo!
(h) In a sheep dip trough
YOUR SCORE:
8 Mastermind Of The Year
7 Goodies fan supreme
5-6 Clever clogs
3-4 Reasonably Goodie
1-2 Thick as old boots
0 Rolf Harris!
NEXT C&G EDITION:
- #152: 12th July 2008.
*******************************************************************************
The Goodies Fan Club Clarion and Globe is copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 2008. All rights reserved.
Permission to reproduce this work or any section of it, in any form must first be obtained from the copyright holders.
For further information regarding this publication please e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>.
For other general enquiries about the 'Goodies Rule - OK' fan club or 'The Goodies' itself, please e-mail enquiries@goodiesruleok.com
TO OBTAIN THIS NEWSLETTER IN WORD DOCUMENT FORM:
E-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> requesting transfer to the Word mailing list.
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