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C&G 144 Nov 2007
Nov 2007 - Print Email PDF 
Posted by bretta 12/11/2007


» Nov 2007

Issue No. 144                   12th November 2007
- Brett Allender <>
- Lisa Manekofsky
- Alison Bean, David Balston, Linda Kay, Wackywales, Daniel Bowen, Anna Gardner, Kerry Matthews, Brian Labza, Richard Nolan, Sosia
1. QUIZ & QUOTE - Goodies brainteasers for you and you and you
2. BOFFO IDEAS – The latest club news and happenings
3. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.
4. 2001 AND A BIT - Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.
5. A COLLECTION OF GOODIES THEMES #4 – Goodies Turning Baddie PART 1
6. FROM BARD TO VERSE – Another Goodies poem
(by "Magnus Magnesium")
QUOTE: "Harvest Moon, the scent that lingers ..."
(a) Which Goodie says this quote?
(b) What is the remainder of this quote?
(c) Which episode is this quote from?
QUIZ: This month's questions are from the episode: "Alternative Roots"
(d) What past secret does Tim's family coat of arms reveal?
(e) What is the name of Graeme's ancestor, whose story he tells?
(f) Which occupation did Bill's ancestors have?
(g) Which TV show (run by a frequent Goodies target) does nobody want to be assigned to?
(h) Which song do the Goodies perform a rap version of as black and white minstrels?
The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.
You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail <> with your comments, ideas or suggestions - meanwhile these are the boffo ideas which our club has been working on this month:
(by Lisa Manekofsky)
Happy Anniversary to us! This month The Goodies Rule - OK! Fan Club celebrates its 12th anniversary. It's been a fantastic year in so many ways.
Among the highlights:
        - Tim and Graeme toured the UK, first with the "The Goodies Still Rule OK!" tour (joined by Bill via pre-filmed segments), then with the first ever "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" Official Stage Tour (along with Barry Cryer, Jeremy Hardy, Humphrey Lyttelton, and Colin Sell, not to mention producer Jon Naismith's sterling work as warm-up man)
        - The Goodies "Complete LWT Series" made its first appearance on DVD. Although so far it's only available a UK release, the news of the DVD being encoded for both Region 2 and Region 4 was enthusiastically received by many Australian fans
        - "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again" volumes 1-4 made their CD debut, joined by a fifth volume of episodes appearing for the first time on an official release
        - More "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" CDs hit the shops - Volume 10 plus "In Search of Mornington Crescent"
        - Bill's nature series "Springwatch" and "Autumnwatch" once again were big hits for the BBC
In addition to all this, the club had some great news of its own. Since this time last year, we've added more than 450 new members, bringing our total membership to over 4,450! Welcome to you all and, as always, thanks to everyone who's stuck with us over the years. It's our members who really make the club what it is. We value your contributions, whether it's passing along news items, participating in discussions on our goodies-l mailing list, voting in the monthly website polls, writing articles for the newsletter, joining in the fun in the club forums, etc. (Information about joining the newsletter mailing list and the goodies-l mailing list can be found at
While looking at statistics about our membership (in preparation for writing this article) I discovered some interesting data. For example, the greatest number of new members this year came from the UK - approximately 200, which brought our total number of UK members to over 1,300 (roughly 30% of total membership). Australia also was well represented, with approximately 180 new members; Australians account for about 56% of the club's membership. The other countries making up the top five (in terms of new members and percentage of total membership) are the US, New Zealand, and Canada. But we're proud & delighted to have members from around the globe – our current members come from more than 75 countries. Isn't it great that there are Goodies fans all over the world? :)
Here's to another fun and Goodies-filled year!
(by Linda Kay)
Just a reminder that The Goodies Rule - OK! Fan Club has it's own channel on YouTube. While we can't run clips from Goodies episodes (or anything else we know is officially released on DVD) we promise to bring you lots of interesting and rare clips of Tim, Bill and Graeme in other programming and interviews, Goodies-related and otherwise. Currently we have lots of footage from the interviews the lads granted to the Where Are They Now? producers for that series in Australia, plus El Kaye's original Goodies music videos (including the popular Can-Can) and by popular request we've now started posting some clips from If I Ruled the World which features Graeme Garden (and sometimes Tim!) We will keep expanding the channel, adding a new clip approximately every weekend. So be sure to stop by and see what's new!
There is also an official GROK YouTube group, so feel free to join up!
(by Richard Nolan)
Please direct any queries about the Goodies T-shirts to GROK Merchandise Officer, Richard Nolan (
Website link:
All T-shirt orders required before Christmas must be received by WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 19TH. We cannot guarantee pre-Christmas processing of orders received after this date.
Unfortunately, letters and parcels do get delayed in the Christmas mail, so at this time of year, we strongly recommend the use of Express Post and payment by money order or direct deposit/PayPal to ensure quick delivery (orders paid by cheque will be held until the cheque clears).
When ordering, please include an e-mail address or daytime contact 'phone no. so we can contact you quickly if there is a problem with your order.
 We will dispatch any orders received up to Wednesday, December 19th before Christmas - however, when ordering, please bear in mind it can take up to 10-14 days for parcels to arrive in the UK/US from Australia, especially in the lead up to Christmas.
Women's T-shirts
To clear extra stock, the sale on selected women's shirts will continue across Chistmas.
All women's XL and XXL shirts are priced to clear at $7.50 each (plus postage) or $12.00 for two (plus postage).
(Postage for one or two shirts will be $4.50 regular; $6.50 express).
The GROK women's shirts come in Styles 1 & 5 shown on the GROK website plus an emerald green shirt with white 'The Goodies'/'Anything Anytime' print (similar to Style 3, just on a green shirt).
The sale women's shirts are available as follows:
XL: Style 1, Style 5, Green
XXL: Style 5, Green.
(We no longer have any stock of XL or XXL shirts in Style 3).
Men's Tight Fit shirts
All men's tight fit T-shirts have been reduced to $10.00 each / 2 for $15.00 (plus postage).
Postage for one or two shirts will be $4.50 regular; $6.50 express).
The tight fit shirts come in Style 5 shown on the GROK website plus a red shirt with 'clash' blue 'The Goodies'/'Anything Anytime' print.
Availability is as follows:
RED: S, M, L, XL
Men's Standard (Loose Fit) shirts
All standard (loose fit) men's T-shirts have been reduced to $40.00 for 2 shirts (plus postage) until Christmas. (Single shirts are still $25.00 each).
(Postage for two shirts will be $4.50 regular; $6.50 express).
The men's standard shirts come in Styles 1, 2, 3 & 5 shown on the GROK website.
Current availability is as shown in the table on the GROK website; this should be updated with new stock in early December.
It had been a few months (and a very peaceful few months too) but we should have known that it would be impossible to keep Rolf down forever (even with nailing his feet to the floor of his cage!). Last month's poll would have been quite a tight contest between the vital lessons that the Goodies have taught us about the joys of string, the dangers of whopping people with black puddings and the perils of trying to tow the country outside the 5 mile limit all by yourself, but along comes Rolf to spoil the party. We should have learned our lesson from introducing grey squirrels (even though they don't play wobbleboards!)
What is the most important life lesson you've learned from The Goodies?
- everybody loves string                     47 votes
- world domination isn't worth the effort    40 votes
- Do, do, do The Funky Gibbon                25 votes
- save the recipe for your miracle elixir     5 votes
- don't annoy giant fish                      7 votes
- wear the right wardrobe on spacehoppers     2 votes
- untrained Ecky Thump can be dangerous      42 votes
- lighthouses overdo the "round" theme       16 votes
- other                                       1 vote
- breeding Rolf Harris can lead to trouble   63 votes
Total                                       248 votes
Anyway on with this month's poll, which is an interesting one about what would perhaps make a good story if the C&G went decidedly downmarket and turned into a tattle-tale tabloid. Hmm, maybe we could look at "Bertha's miracle black pudding diet" (it would be a miracle if you gained less than 50 pounds!), "Our biggest-ever washing powder survey – does Razz really whiten whites best?" (with a free QE2 inside every edition!) ... or how about "Caroline Kook – where is she now? A shock horror mystery exclusive" (We pick up the pieces and put them together – literally!)
Which article would you most like to read in a Goodies-themed tabloid?
- Running Pirate Companies - fun or folly?
- *Really* Competitive Ballroom Dancing
- Surprising Pet Care Tips
- Punkerella's Shocking Secret!
- The Many Uncles of Tim Brooke-Taylor
- The Amazing Appeal of Zookeeping
- Bunnies on the Moon - fact or fiction?
- Our Years Stuck in Concrete
- other
- The True Story of Little Rolf
So put down that trashy magazine for a minute and bolt to the website to cast your vote. You know it makes sense!
More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the Goodies recently, e-mail <> with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! the Goodies this month:
(Lisa Manekofsky – 27th Oct)
* Weds, 31 Oct - "Comedy Connections" on UKTV Gold at 2:30 is a repeat of the episode about The Goodies. The episode is repeated an hour later on UKTV Gold Plus 1. Both stations repeat the show again on Sat, 3 Nov (UKTV Gold at 2:35 and UKTV Gold Plus 1 an hour later)
(Lisa Manekofsky - 24th Oct)
All three 2-DVD Goodies sets are on sale at and for under £8 each.
"The Goodies...At Last!" (Region 2), "The Goodies - At Last a Second Helping" (Region 2), and "The Goodies - The Complete LWT Series" (Regions 2 AND 4) are £7.39 each at  (which also offers free shipping for all UK and Ireland orders). Each of these three sets is £7.97 at  (which has free UK delivery on orders over £15.00 and will remove VAT charges for overseas purchases).
While we're discussing Goodies DVDs, the 2004 US release is back in stock at (for a while it appeared this title was out of print). This is basically just a copy of the BBC "Kitten Kong" video transferred onto DVD (with no restoration or special features), but certainly worthwhile for US fans who haven't otherwise been able to find NTSC format Goodies episodes. This is also, so far, the only DVD release of the episode "Scatty Safari" (though with the same edits as the VHS release).   The other two episodes on the disk are "Kitten Kong" and and "Scoutrageous".
(Kerry Matthews – 4th Nov)
I saw an ad for the Best Of British Comedy to be shown on the Comedy Channel on Foxtel in November on Sundays at about 7.30 pm onwards. Some of the shows are Monty Python, The Goodies, Allo Allo and Ab-Fab. Tonight they are starting with Monty Python and Ab-Fab. So I'm not sure when The Goodies are going to be shown.
(Brian Labza – 9th Nov)
The Goodies will be on the Comedy Channel British line up on Sunday night 25 Nov 07, about 10 pm, not sure which episode, it may well be randomly selected, as the episodes of the other British shows in the line-up seem to be. It may also be a one-off, the Dec schedules aren't yet out.
(Lisa Manekofsky)
The following article appeared in the Australian television listings magazine TV Times' August 14-20, 1976 edition.
Secrets of being a Goodie
by Don Groves
The Goodies Will Get You, the slogan says, but Tim Brooke-Taylor wonders how many viewers his program *will* get in the 5.30pm weekday slot.
Brooke-Taylor, one of the show's trio of writers-stars, thinks ABC-TV should screen the program, which began last week, later in the evening, to appeal to both older and younger viewers.
The Goodies went to air in England at 9pm and, according to Brooke-Taylor, was voted top comedy show last year by readers of the mass-circulation London Sun.
The ABC's answer, from controller of TV programs John Cameron, is that it does not regard 5.30pm as purely children's viewing time.
Cameron said: "With our new early evening line-up, we are attempting to pull a new audience, and an adult audience. We believe most people do not finish work at 5pm, but between 3.30 and 4pm. By 5pm, they are getting home and are ready to look at TV.
"The Goodies' humor has a high visual element and we believe it will have a wide appeal."
Tim Brooke-Taylor came to Australia to make this appeal: "Please watch the Goodies. I'm not telling you it's the greatest show ever, but we like it, so have a look. I don't want it to sink without trace."
With co-stars Graeme Garden and Bill Oddie, he makes up the trio of trouble-shooters.
All three turned to acting after graduating from Cambridge in the mid-1960s. Brooke-Taylor qualified as a solicitor, Garden as a doctor, and Oddie has a degree in English.
Garden's training would be particularly useful on the set, for the trio insist on doing their own stunts and believe: "If it doesn't hurt, it's not funny."
This has resulted in a series of decidedly unfunny accidents. Brooke-Taylor said: "We once had to rid a three-seater bike along wires strung up in the BBC's London studio. The man in charge of the operation assured us that in 50 years not once had a wire snapped. So we went 15 feet up, the cameras started, and twang! Bill and Graeme slid off gracefully, but I had my wrist caught up between the handlebars and the brake.
"I didn't scream – I knew that wouldn't do any good – and fortunately a photographer who was nearby came to help me. My wrist had a deep gash almost to the bone.
"I went upstairs to the BBC's nursing department where the nurse, a French girl, demanded to know my staff number (I told her that I was a freelance actor and didn't have one) and wrote down full details of the accident before she treated me!"
Then there was the time Brooke-Taylor, mounted on a giant can of tomato soup, was to be launched down a boat ramp. It was a rough, windy day, the can rolled over and crushed his leg. Luckily nothing was broken but "it hurt like hell."
His most frightening experience occurred when The Goodies demonstrated a chest-expander for a keep-fit lark.
He said: "Bill and Graeme pulled the expander around me and danced around, much like a maypole. I said, 'let go,' and it suddenly contracted, squeezing my rib cage.
"For a few moments I really thought I was going to die. My whole lifetime should have passed before my eyes but it didn't – must have been a pretty boring life – and someone cut me free with wire-cutters."
It took a long time for The Goodies' team to discover padding to cushion their falls. Brooke-Taylor said Graeme Garden, whom he describes as the "best faller in the world," padded up to protect his spine, elbows and the back of his knees for a stunt in which he was to land on his back.
Garden twisted over in mid-air – and landed on his front!
Brooke-Taylor, 36, and wife, Christine, have two children, Ben, 6, and Edward, 5. Tim and Christine lived within four miles of each other in Derbyshire, but did not meet until they went on holiday to Switzerland.
They literally fell into each other's arms – at the time, both were learning to ski! The family lives in the London suburb of Cricklewood – which happens to be The Goodies' fictitious address in the program.
4. 2001 AND A BIT
If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail <> so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays. Those of you seeking radio and tv alerts between issues of the C&G should consider signing up for the Goodies-l mailing list (more details available on the club website), as our crack (cracked?!) team of reporters attempt to post alerts as the information becomes available.
** (All items in this section contributed by Lisa Manekofsky, except where otherwise credited) **
* Articles are starting to appear about the cuts being made at the BBC over the next few years to make up for budget shortfalls. At least two articles so far ( and,,2193906,00.html?gusrc=rss&feed=4) , say the "Wild strand" will be dropped; it is noted that this included Bill Oddie's shows "Wild in Your Country" and "Wild in Your Garden".   "Wild in Your Garden" evolved into "Springwatch"; it's unclear to me whether that show is affected as well (if anyone has further information about that please let us know).
(from information provided by Lisa Manekofsky (18th & 19th Oct) and David Balston (26th Oct))
An article at  details that readers are being given the exclusive chance to name Martin Mere wildfowl centre's two adult beavers. The winners whose names are chosen for the beavers, and a guest, will be invited to a special evening to see the beavers and be given a cuddly beaver toy and a book signed by Bill Oddie and and Kate Humble.
Autumnwatch returns to BBC Two on November 5th - the show's official page at  tells how UK residents can participate in the Autumnwatch survey.
(18th & 26th Oct)
* Thurs, 1 Nov & Fri, 2 Nov - "The Truth About Killer Dinosaurs", presented by Bill, is being repeated on UKTV Documentary and UKTV Documentary Plus 1 at various times; please consult your local listings.
(25th Oct)
* Fri, 2 Nov; Sat, 3 Nov; Mon, 5 Nov; Tues, 6 Nov - "Bill Oddie Goes Wild" is repeated at various times on UKTV Gardens; please consult your local listings.
(25th Oct)
* starting Mon, 5 Nov - "Autumnwatch" with Bill Oddie, Kate Humble, and Simon King returns for a two-week run. The show will air Mon-Thurs at 20:00 on BBC Two. Autumnwatch fans might also like to see the Cbeebies Autumnwatch show Mon-Fri at 10am and 5.30pm on the Cbeebies Channel. 
(4th Nov)
* Sat, 17 Nov - "Top 50 Greatest Celebrity Animals" on Sky Two at 20:00 includes a contribution from Bill.
(4th Nov)
* According to The Guardian, the new series of Autumnwatch pulled in 3.8 million viewers and a 16% share between 8pm and 9pm. The article says, "The series debuted with exactly the same rating as it did in October last year, when it became one of BBC2's sleeper hits."
Another article about the series dated Tues, November 6th appears on the
(6th Nov)
* SBS Australia are advertising "Who Do You Think You Are" as coming soon, and including Bill in the promo. From the looks of it, they'll mix the UK shows with some Australian-made episodes.
At this stage they don't appear to have anything on their website about it.
(Daniel Bowen - 7th Nov)
* The "Who Do You Think You Are" show with Bill Oddie has been shown on UK TV in Australia recently. For those who haven't seen it I recommend it as it is very interesting, but not particularly Goodies-related.
(Brian Labza – 9th Nov)
* Monday-Thursday, 12-15 Nov - "Autumnwatch" with Bill Oddie, Kate Humble, and Simon King at 20:00 on BBC Two. The final episode will cover highlights from the past two weeks.  
 The Autumnwatch website ( ) has highlights clips from the series.
(11th Nov)
* Tues, 20 Nov - "Wogan: Now And Then" on UKTV Gold at 2:00 is a "best moments" episode; this includes at least part of Bill's interview. The show is repeated an hour later on UKTV Gold Plus 1.
(11th Nov)
* According to , Graeme will be part of the guest cast in a new Big Finish Doctor Who CD to be released in February 2008 entitled "Max Warp".
(18th Oct)
* TBA (possibly Dec 2nd) - ITV has begun airing "Agatha Christie's Marple" Series 3; Graeme has a cameo appearance in the episode entitled "Nemesis". The exact date hasn't been announced yet but club member Sosia found a website saying the episode will be broadcast on December 2nd.
(20th Oct)
* Mondays - "Bromwell High", an animated series in which Graeme voices one of the characters, on TV2 in NZ at 12:55am (info at )
(20th Oct)
* Mon, 12 Nov - "QI" on UKTV Channel Dave at 21:00 and again at 23:40 is a repeat of the episode with Graeme; the show airs an hour later on Dave Plus 1.
(4th Nov)
According to a column in the October 16th issue of The Daily Mail, Tim Brooke-Taylor will be appearing in a special Christmas edition of The Frost Report. 
Here's the article (from
Frost needs a new Ronnie
Sir David Frost is looking for someone to replace the late Ronnie Barker to recreate the classic Sixties sketch where toff John Cleese looks down on middle-class Barker, who in turn looks down on working-class Ronnie Corbett.
Both Cleese and Corbett have been lined up for a special Christmas edition of The Frost Report, where the sketch originally aired, to mark the 40th anniversary of the show winning the Golden Rose of Montreux.
Frost tells me: "We are rounding up all the old gang including Corbett, Cleese, Michael Palin and Tim Brooke-Taylor. But some of the original team, like Marty Feldman and Peter Cook, are no longer with us."
It is perhaps just as well Cook will be absent. He famously described his one regret in life as saving Frost from drowning.
Tickets to the recording of this are available from here:
(Lisa Manekofsky & Alison Bean - 17th Oct)
* Thursday, 1 Nov - "Jacques Tati: Everyman Magnified" on BBC Radio 4 at 11:30 to 12:00 (30 minutes long) is a documentary including contributions from Tim. Here's a listing: "Rory Bremner explores the pioneering satire of Tati's Monsieur Hulot films. Contributors include Eric Sykes, Rowan Atkinson, Tim Brooke-Taylor and Agnes Catherine Poirier."
(20th Oct)
* The "Jacques Tati" documentary is now available from Listen Again at
(1st Nov)
* Just listening to an interview with John Cleese by Sean Micallef, and John remarks that the magician in the Holy Grail was named Tim to annoy Tim Brooke-Taylor.
...then click Micallef vs Cleese.
* In the commentary on the Holy Grail DVD he says that Tim the sorcerer was definitely NOT a reference to TBT, but I don't think any of us really believed that, did we?
(Daniel Bowen & Anna Gardner – 2nd Nov)
Web comedy launched by village company
08 November 2007
THE latest episode of a hit web-based comedy drama series produced by a Rickinghall production company is about to go on line.
Featuring Timmy Mallett, Tim Brooke-Taylor, and Holby Blue actor David Sterne, Before I Get a Job is the work of local TV production company Recentworks. Producer Debbie Gray said the series has really hit the ground running.
"It's tough to get people to follow a series on the internet, but they are watching in growing numbers. We have a really great cast - a mix of newcomers such as Oli Lavery who plays the lead character Bruno, and experienced and well known actors such as David Sterne from BBC's Holby Blue, who plays Bruno's dad. In the latest episode viewers should watch out for cameo roles from Tim Brooke-Taylor as the baddy Dr Moebius, and Timmy Mallett who plays himself. "
* Mondays starting 12 Nov - "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again" will get a repeat run on BBC7 at 12.30pm and 7.30pm (available afterward from Listen Again). I have been told that they are currently planning to broadcast series 2.
* Saturdays - "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again", on ABC Radio National at 5:30. This 1960's sketch comedy series starred with all three Goodies plus John Cleese, Jo Kendall, & David Hatch (info at
(20th Oct)
* Mondays - BBC 7 airs old episodes of "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" (with Tim and Graeme) - they are currently repeating episodes from 2006. Each episode is available via Listen Again for six days after broadcast. The show can be heard worldwide via the internet from  on the day of broadcast as well as for six days afterwards using Listen Again. 
(20th Oct)
* The Selection
Comedy Controller - Jeremy Hardy
Comedian Jeremy Hardy presents His Hilarious Half-Dozen: Round The Horne (first broadcast 11/04/1965), Linda Smith's A Brief History Of Timewasting (26/07/2001), I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again (23/12/1973), Hancock's Half Hour - Sunday Afternoon At Home (22/04/1958), Armando Iannucci's Charm Offensive (18/05/2005), I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue (21/06/1999). Saturday at 9am, 8pm and 3am
[The show is already available from Listen Again at ]
(27th Oct)
* Mondays starting 12 Nov - "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" will be returning for a new series (its 50th!) on BBC Radio 4 with the episodes repeated the following Sunday at around noon (check the listings each week - sometimes the Sunday repeats start a few minutes after noon). Each broadcast can be heard worldwide from  . The shows will also be available for a week after broadcast from Listen Again.
Here's the listing for the first episode, "The perennial antidote to panel games comes from Croydon's Fairfield Halls. Regulars Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden and Tim Brooke-Taylor are joined by Rob Brydon while chairman Humphrey Lyttelton ensures that disorder prevails. With Colin Sell at the piano." 
(11th Nov)
* From Monday's Guardian...
In praise of... I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue
Mrs Trellis of north Wales will no doubt be sitting by her wireless at 6.30pm this evening when the start of I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue's 50th series is announced by the show's bumbling brass theme (based on a tune by Haydn). What follows is guaranteed to be brilliant. It always is.
Listening is like being welcomed back into a comfortable club on a wet winter's night, a cheerful refuge from a dour, serious world outside. There may be people who are tired of its routines, its in-jokes and innuendo - but they are the sort of humourless listeners who write in to the BBC asking for the rules of Mornington Crescent to be explained (200 do every series), who wonder why Samantha hasn't read out the score in years and probably question the need for the licence fee to fund Humph's expensive laser display board, too. Everyone else appreciates the show's relaxed brilliance.
Many things contribute to this, starting with Humphrey Littleton, who has chaired the show since it began in 1972, getting funnier and bolder through the years. He does deadpan gags better than anybody else in broadcasting and gets more smut past the BBC, too. Without him the show would not have made it through 10 series, let alone 50, a magnificent score matched only by the even longer-lived Just A Minute. By rights Clue should have stopped being funny years ago. But there is nothing dusty or exhausted about a programme that still asks silly people to do silly things, and gets away with it every time.
(Wackywales – 12th Nov)
(by Brett Allender)
As this article is rather lengthy, I'll split it in half and run Part 2 in the next edition of the C&G. The website version of this article currently consists of Part 1 and the associated photos; however I'll post notification on the website and to Goodies-l when the full article and remaining photos are online towards the end of November
With the Goodies setting up as an agency that does "anything, anytime, anywhere", it is perhaps inevitable that many of the great guest stars that are invited on the show get to play the role of the villain, while it is up to the Goodies to foil their evil schemes and put things right again. While the likes of Henry McGee (The Music Master / Nasty Person) and Patrick Troughton (Doctor Petal) excel as wonderfully fiendish characters, the only drawback is that they also tend to get the best lines, reducing the Goodies to the role of the straight man on many occasions, particularly in the first two series.
In my view, it's therefore no coincidence that two of the most memorable Goodies episodes from this period are "Radio Goodies" and "Gender Education" where Graeme and Bill respectively flip out and become the baddies of the piece, causing the other two Goodies to desperately try to keep the situation from getting completely out of hand. Although there are many instances throughout the run of the show where one or more Goodies go a bit loony for various periods of time, I'll focus this particular article on those occasions when the megalomania really kicks in strongly and the affected Goodie's behaviour is anything but good, much to the concern of his colleagues.
Graeme's "loony scientist" streak is reasonably subdued in the opening six Goodies episodes, perhaps only really coming to the fore in "Snooze" with his antidote concoctions and in "The Greenies" where he briefly gloats over the army's cruel experiments on mice as if he wishes that he'd thought of the idea first. However right from the start of "Radio Goodies" it's obvious that he has grander plans in mind when he can barely muster a soulless "boom" as his contribution to Bill's radio jingle, instead concentrating intently on building his transmitter.
The warning lights are flashing when Graeme responds to Bill and Tim's praise of his newly-constructed Radio Goodies headquarters with "Well it is the work of a genius!" and when he concludes his own piece of self-praise on the new postal service with a somewhat deranged "I'm working well tonight!", it prompts worried loony signals from Bill and Tim for good reason. Graeme's inner loony finally breaks out in full glory however after Tim has had the ruddy nerve to tell Radio Goodies listeners that the pirate postal service is closing down owing to staff shortages. Resplendent in black postal pirate garb, Graeme, who has just been listening to the radio, saunters back in, grabs Tim by the jacket and barrels him. Graeme (forcefully): "What do you mean by closing down the post office?!" Tim (petrified): "Ah, well … I ah …" Graeme: "Why did you have to close it down?!" Tim: "Ah, well … we're overloaded!" Graeme (sarcastically) "I'll tell you why you closed it down! Because you are an ineffectual, petty, interfering, unimaginative, useless little lackey! WHAT ARE YOU?!" Tim (scared witless): "I - I - I'm an ineffectual, intellectual ..." Graeme (enraged): "THAT'S NO EXCUSE!" Bill (piping up): "Look, we've got far too much work …" Graeme: "SHUT UP! How can I create a new world when I'm surrounded by fools?!" Tim & Bill (both panicking): "He's flipped, he's flipped, he's gone, now he's completely gone!":
After telling his "henchmen" to stand aside, Graeme then uses Radio Goodies as his forum for delivering the following utterly memorable tirade to the unsuspecting public: "This is your leader speaking. Here is an important announcement. It has been put about by back-sliding revisionary paper hyenas that the Goodies Pirate Post Office is closing down. This ... is a lie! (thumps desk) Our glorious post office gallantly continues to function. We will get your letters through! These are dark days and the storm clouds gather around us. But never fear! I pledge that I, your leader, will see you safely through to a better world! ... And now ... (reaches for record player) A Walk In The Black Forest!"
Graeme then reveals his astounding grand plan to take over Britain by towing the whole country outside the five mile limit (however that works!) and after shrieking at Bill and Tim to "get out", he delivers another classic line of "Today the post office. Tomorrow ... the world!" along a mad stare and fiendish eye-rolling! Thankfully Graeme's bid to tow the country away single handedly is foiled by Bill and Tim wounding his pride by repeatedly yelling "You're a megalomaniac" at him, causing the good ship Saucy Gibbon to spring a leak as he jumps up and down on its deck in furious denial. At least they seem to have foiled his plans until the foghorn sounds and the Statue Of Liberty looms large outside the office window!
In "Gender Education", the three Goodies are forced to defend their controversial sex education film (made for Mrs Desiree Carthorse of the "Keep Filth Off Television" campaign), which is brilliantly described by a BBC current affairs presenter as "Obscene, dirty, squalid, scabrous, salacious, lewd, randy, rude, outrageous, lubricious ... and a bit off!". They achieve this by disguising themselves as outspoken MP Sir Reginald Wheelbarrow (by all dressing in suits and hiding behind a massive moustache) and appearing on the BBC to reassure everyone that the film is "perfectly harmless and innocent". Rather than being annoyed by this ruse, the BBC presenter is delighted because he'd like the Goodies to produce some really violent and gory shows to satisfy the wishes of the viewing public – something that Bill is more than happy to oblige with (as he makes a flying start by trying to strangle Graeme!)
After a mere four days of filming, Bill is already totally corrupted – or as Tim puts it, "You're a mean, vicious, unprincipled little brute!" Bill's haughty reply of "Well I always was!" seems quite apt as he is already enjoying the trappings of his success (with fancy clothes and massively long cigars) and has only called back into the Goodies office to seek Graeme's "technical boffin" advice on how to "pep up the epilogue (using) exploding vicars". (Graeme (horrified): "But that's murder!" Bill (callously): " No no no, that's showbusiness.") Bill is already working on shooting "the death scene from Cinderella … the kids love it!" and Graeme's plea of "Oh you're not doing it for children, are you?" only draws a scornful "Well you wouldn't do Cinderella for adults, would you? You fools! Car. Car. Get me a car …" from an increasingly bombastic Bill as he rapidly departs the office for his filming set. 
Graeme and Tim call in Mrs Carthorse in a vain attempt to halt Bill's violent filming, however after Bill silences her with the shock tactic of saying "Knickers!" to her, the brutal gunning-down of sadomasochistic Sinders by Buttons the clown flips Bill out and he also starts mowing everyone on the set down with a barrage of bullets from his camera. A brief interlude of sanity and niceness ends when Bill's gruesome playback gives him the urge to strangle Mrs Carthorse as well until Tim and Graeme intervene. Bill's final act of madness sees him overload the main power circuit and blow the BBC to smithereens, and he subsequently has to wear tinted glasses to hide any possible corruptive influences from his view. He does at least have a partner in boredom in his TV-less world – Mrs Carthorse, who is no longer able to spend all night turning her TV off in disgust – until he shows her a telescopic view of two lovebirds making their own fun which gets her moving at a great rate of knots … out into the street shrieking "Stop it! Stop it! …"
The successful plot formula of these two episodes and the obvious delight of the Goodies in playing the role of the over-the-top villain helped to change the whole direction of the show in the following series, and even in episodes which feature guest stars or relatives of the Goodies, there is still scope for one or more of the Goodies to flip out and become a baddie as well. After Graeme and Bill have had their turn, it's Tim's chance to go loony in "Hunting Pink" when he takes over the grand family tradition of fox hunting after his Uncle Butcher has snuffed it from the sheer exhilaration of actually shooting a rabbit himself (with the aid of an army tank!). 
According to Bill and Graeme, "hunting is immoral, degrading (and) cruel" but Tim reckons "it's fun" and the bloodlust soon goes to his head in a big way. He firstly breaks up the Goodies by sending Graeme and Bill packing from Tally Ho Towers, only to re-employ them as his much-suffering servants. Tim plans to make the upcoming hunt "bigger and better and rottener and crueller – I'm sure it's what my Great Uncle Butcher would have wanted", a sentiment seconded by Butcher's head mounted trophy-style on the wall until Tim exclaims "My God, there's life in the old boy yet" and then snuffs out what's left of it by firing a pot shot at him! Tim intends to "make Tally Ho Towers the blood sports centre of the world" specialising in small game targets such as "international bunny hunts, squirrel trapping, vole baiting and a budgie pit with fighting budgies"; a prospect which Bill and Graeme find outrageous to say the least.
Tim also makes the startling proclamation that he is about to get married to his impossibly long-windedly-named fiancee ("known to her friends as Big Knockers"). Graeme: "Is she pretty?"
Tim: "Pretty? Hmph! She's hideous! She *is* Horsewoman Of The Year - more horse than woman, but then ... looks aren't everything and in her case they're nothing! We're gonna get married and breed horses!" Bill (incredulously): That's impossible!" Tim (bluntly): "You haven't seen her!"
As Tim's fiancee enters the room clad in her new wardrobe (a large wooden one which hides her from view) a horrified Graeme exclaims "You can't marry THAT!", to which Tim replies " Yes I can. It's gonna be a traditional hunt wedding. We're gonna slaughter a rabbit, hang the giblets around her neck, paint her cheeks with blood and slap her round the kisser with its bladder. All very sloppy and sentimental, I know. But I love it ... the blood ... mwaaahahaaa!", forcing a panicked "He's gone loony!" from Bill.
Graeme and Bill realise that the only way to foil Tim's dastardly plans is to embarrass him in front of his fellow hunters in a bid to make him pack it all in; a plan that gets a little easier when Tim reveals that he doesn't know how to ride a horse. With Graeme and Bill forming a pantomime horse for Tim and then later disguising themselves as rabbits, they eventually create sufficient mayhem to bring the hunt to a screeching halt. However in order to "destroy all memory of the events of this unfortunate weekend", Graeme and Bill need to put an end to Tim's bloodlust once and for all. This is achieved by Bill squirting oil into Tim's mouth to fix his raucous voice, Graeme popping his padded posterior with a large needle, Bill joyfully smashing his wardrobe fiancée to smithereens and them finally using aversion therapy to stop his love of fox hunting which involves thumping him with mallets and continues long after he is cured because "it ain't half fun!"
Website article & photo gallery:
Next themes:
(Dec): Goodies Turning Baddie Part 2
(Jan): Heanz Meanz Beanz Ads
(by Brett Allender)
(A tribute to the Goodies mock commercials)
I've just switched off my TV set
To dodge that boring political debate
But now I must switch it on again
Oh, I hope I'm not too late
I am a "Class D consumer"
A housewife with little cotton socks
And the Goodies always bless me
'Cos I think their commercial break rocks
I make my cheap phone calls when no-one's home
To those funny chaps in the Yellow Pages
My hubby flew out on an air hostess
And I haven't seen the blighter in ages
He's gone on an Honest Holiday
Flashing his American Excess
And his Bob Murray Supermatic Camera pics
Have landed him in a fine old mess
He's been carted off to the Coppe Shoppe
As they reckon he's some kind of whacko
Especially as he tried to skip away
With that nice man puffing Butch Tobacco
Meanwhile here's me in my drudgery
This housework has left me aghast
I'd better whip up some more Bristo Gravy Mix
To get rid of those Rolf Harrises fast!
I feed my kids Plastic Spacemen for brekky
With a free cornflake in every pack
Ol' Captain Fishface has my youngest boy
But I don't want the little bugger back
If he ends up in my rissoles
It just might be a tasty change
From fresh meaty new (meow) burgers
And other food quite strange
I swear by my sliced butter and extra hard bread
And my half-sized Goodies tea set
My Soft Golden Dairy Margarine is still in the fridge
As I'm not game to open it yet
"I fink I'll have anovver one"
Of those Goodlop tyres I'm keen on
And maybe rot out what's left of my teeth
On that sticky sweet Vibena
Or just a quick puff of my Henson and Bedges
While I pile Nosho upon my dog's plate
As we both cough and choke in all of that smoke
The stupid mutt won't know what he ate!
It's time for the washing and that Fairy Puff Man
He knows what he's doing, I suppose
When I strip bare of my "grey grey grey" underwear
He just minces "I'm going to wash these clothes!"
Square Deal Surge isn't much better, you know
When you compare it pound for pound
Hmm, I might have to stop using Low Suds Mold
At least *they* send the boys around!
But I wouldn't swap my packet of Razz
For a hundred pounds or the Crown Jewels
The QE2 won't wash my clothes like new
Does that ad man think I'm a fool?!
I must do my Fingertip Slimming Test
As midriff bulge is something I dread
Then find my teenager's Gloscalp Dandruff Shampoo
And Baldicleanse all those words off his head
And here's his Kung Poo aftershave
Mixed up with my Stuffed Olive Soap
I oughtta go fetch my Westminster Submachine Gun
And exterminate the pesky little dope
A bit of Stones Linament on my aching joints
I relax and start to daydream
As I chew on my Twoey Gum, I'd surely like
A big plate of Heanz Baked …..
No I wouldn't!! I'd like onion soup with croutons and a honeydew melon, and not forgetting the steak dianne with pimento sauce and courgettes and, of course, ratatouille and scampi in white wine, and not to mention the braised artichoke hearts, and what meal would be complete without a bottle of Chateau Mouton Rothschild and ... "GET IT RIGHT!!" (SPLAT!!)
(Written on Robinson's Paper – the strong one!)
(by Brett Allender)
This puzzle consists of a series of Goodies clues to solve, with the highlighted letter from each horizontal answer forming a vertical solution, which happens to be the title of a Goodies song from an episode in Series 2. (3, 3, 4, 3, 4 letters)
The information to solve the clues can be found in my Goodies Episode Summaries in the Articles/Guides section of the website if there are episodes listed that you are unfamiliar with.
The solution will be published in the December edition of the C&G. Alternatively there is a copy of the puzzle (in Word format) and solution on the website at:  
1.   (6, 4, 9 letters)
This Max Bygraves song annoys Graeme's fish (Lips Or Almighty Cod)
2.   (5, 8 letters)
He guest-stars in two Goodies episodes (Food & Punky Business)
3.   (5, 7 letters)
A contest for this activity is held at Disco Bilius (Saturday Night Grease)
4.   (3, 4, 4 letters)
Use this product or "we send the boys around"! (It Might As Well Be String)
5.   (8, 6 letters)
Bill wears one of these creatures as a toupee (Earthanasia)
6.   (2, 3, 5 letters)
Backing song from this show's chase scene (Invasion Of The Moon Creatures)
7.   (6, 5 letters)
The name of Graeme's ancestor, born in Dunghill (Alternative Roots)
8.   (3, 6, 10 letters)
Tim's alter ego, who ends up in jail (A Kick In The Arts)
9.   (7, 8 letters)
Mock ad with "Mum, Mum, I found a cornflake!" (Radio Goodies)
10. (4, 5 letters)
One of the judges on Tim's talent show (Hype Pressure)
11. (11, 7 letters)
He interrogates Tim about boy scout-like activities (Scoutrageous)
12. (2, 6 letters)
The train has been hijacked to enter this festival (Daylight Robbery OTOE)
13. (5, 8 letters)
The race which the horse is being trained for (Black & White Beauty)
14. (10 letters)
The country famous for "its … trees" and "er … cows!" (Daylight Robbery OTOE)
15. (11 letters)
The suburb where the Goodies' office is (and the title of a Goodies song)
16. (6, 10 letters)
Bill's new holy name after finding religion (The End)
17. (3, 7 letters)
He guest-stars as a Professor and a Roman Emperor (Lost Tribe & Rome Antics)
(a) Bill
(b) "Buy some, or I'll break your fingers!"
(c) It Might As Well Be String
(d) That his family were sheep stealers
(e) Celtic Kilty
(f) They were apple growers
(g) The Max Bygraves Show
(h) Land Of Hope And Glory
8    Mastermind Of The Year
7    Goodies fan supreme
5-6 Clever clogs
3-4 Reasonably Goodie
1-2 Thick as old boots
0    Rolf Harris!
- #145:    12th December 2007.
The Goodies Fan Club Clarion and Globe is copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 2007. All rights reserved.
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