The Official Goodies Rule - OK! Fan Club Website

The Kitten Kon Committee

Back: Richard Nolan, Tom Marwede, Brett Allender.

Front: Alison Bean, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Tracey Baird, Liz Headland

THE KITTEN KON CLARION AND GLOBE

THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER WRAP-UP OF KITTEN KON

12th May 2000

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THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE KKC&G

- Alison Bean, as bagged by The Panel and owner of a World Domination Badge (pinched).

- Brett Allender, AKA 'T Grand Master of Ecky Thump.

- Leslie Applebee, Daniel Bowen, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Lisa Clark, Graeme Garden, Sharon Goodwin, Gary Johnstone,Brian Labza, Mark Longmuir and Lisa Manekofsky.

- Tracey Baird, Tom Marwede, Richard Nolan, Alison Bean, Brett Allender and Liz Headland.

- Alison Campbell, Catherine Carter and Dean White.

- Steve and Rosemary Ainley, Kim Asher, Tim Aslat, David Balston, Lisa Blain, Ed Brooke-Taylor, Lisa Collins, Bill Contoyannis, David Goss, Gavin Hawkins, Teresa Howes, Gary Kaetzel, Alex Kapko, Jodie Keir, Greg and Katrina Leibel, Dorsey Luchok, Lisa Manekofsky, John, Sandra and Nick McCarthy, John Murch, Andrew Pixley, Robert Ross, Derrick and Sharon Screen, Matthew K. Sharp, Catherine Sumnall, Peter Tatchell, Stephen Trounson, Craig Wellington and especially Tim Brooke-Taylor, Graeme Garden and Bill Oddie.

- Anyone we've forgotten to thank.

OUR SPONSORS AND SUPPORTERS WERE

- UK TV, ABC Enterprises, Laugh Radio 89.9FM, Batsford Publishers, Channel 31 and The Elephant and Wheelbarrow Hotel, St Kilda.

1. WHAT A BOFFO IDEA - Kitten Kon happenings.

2. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Kitten Kon sightings.

3. KITTEN KON IN REVIEW

- Oh what a lovely Easter.

4. THE KITTEN KON AWARDS

- Nice people of the year.

5. THE END - Goodies Songbook.

1. WHAT A BOFFO IDEA

We made it happen here, well in Melbourne anyway.

GOOD GOD, IT WORKED!

Two weeks before Easter I spent a day wandering around Melbourne University and RMIT (Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology) distributing flyers about Kitten Kon. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when wide-eyed student after wide-eyed student came up to me and said "I love The Goodies - is this for real?" I've been running this club for four and a half years and I know just how popular The Goodies is in Australia, but getting the sort of reaction where people stop you in the street blew me away.

Back in November 1996 when I first had the idea, I never thought it would actually happen or if it did happen that it would work, but there didn't seem to be much harm in telling others my crazy idea, the worst people could do was call me a loony (you're a loony!), so in that month's C&G I wrote:

"This month we also celebrate the 26th Anniversary of the first episode of The Goodies. Last year we watched as the 25th Anniversary flew by, virtually un-marked. Let's hope that in 4 years time, the 30th Anniversary will not pass us by. Four years is ample time to organise something and I'm proposing some kind of event; where I'm not sure, but I have in mind some kind of convention or celebration of some sort, perhaps we could even get all three Goodies to attend?"

Luckily for me and the rest of you who attended Kitten Kon three weeks ago someone else was loony enough to think that a Goodies convention would work. That someone was Tracey Baird. Without Tracey Kitten Kon wouldn't have happened. It was Tracey who knew what happened at conventions, how they worked best and who the best people in Melbourne were to help us organise one and it was she who had the motivation to ensure that it went ahead. It was a brilliant convention and we owe it all to Tracey's hard work and dedication.

The rest of the Kitten Kon team were fantastic too - Brett, Tom, Richard, Liz, Dean, Alison and Catherine. They, Tracey and I worked hard on Kitten Kon in the hope that it would be as successful as it was. The long days, the late nights and the spats were all worth it and it was such an incredible relief when everything went smoothly. The ultimate reward was when people started coming up to us and telling us how much fun they were having or that it was the best convention they had ever been to; never mind that we were having a great time or that we were raising thousands of the dollars for the Royal Melbourne Children's Hospital.

Many people have been asking when the next Goodies convention will be. And despite what a tired, hungry pack of bedraggled souls masquerading as the committee said on Easter Sunday - "NEVER AGAIN" - now that we've recovered some of us are mad enough to be thinking about Kitten Kon 2, so maybe we'll see you there in 2005? I do hope so.

KITTEN KON HIGHLIGHTS

For those of you who couldn't make it to the Kon the highlights were:

Organised by Richard Nolan, this quiz night pitted teams of fans against each other as they answered eight rounds of questions on The Goodies, British comedy and cult British TV. The quiz night was a multimedia spectacular with a video clips rounds, a name that theme song round and a name that British actor round. The grand prize was a certificate for every team member which stated that they had hereby been deemed "Officially Amazing" by Tim Brooke-Taylor (not endorsed by the bespectacled Goody or the short hairy one) and teams including Don't Panic, The Fuckwits and The Rubber Duckies battled it out for this honour.

Despite the cheating ways of certain a "Flashback loser", who'd read the answers at the previous weekend's committee meeting and her documentary-making pal, who dressed up as a waiter and went around the other tables surreptitiously reading other people's answers over their shoulders whilst removing their empty beer bottles, only those who really knew what they were on about could possibly win this quiz. To that end, two teams drew for first place: those captained by C&G Ace Reporter David Balston and Goodies guru Matthew K. Sharp. David and Matthew were summoned forth to answer a tie-breaking question - "Which football team does Tim Brooke-Taylor support?" David provided the correct answer - Derby County, much to the disgust of Matthew ("I don't like sport!"). The wooden spoon went to The Rubber Duckies, whose enthusiasm and distinct lack of knowledge was beloved by all.

TIM'S QUESTION AND ANSWER SESSIONS

Described by one fan affectionately as "the greatest name dropping sessions of all time", these Q&A sessions were highly entertaining and not nearly long enough. After a wrestling style introduction and to great applause Tim Brooke-Taylor took to the stage and delighted fans with stories about Prince Charles, Orson Welles, Bill Oddie's sex life, filming The Goodies and being a pop star. The only thing he wouldn't talk about was his bellybutton and he took great pains to remind us organisers that he had clearly stated that he would NOT discuss this issue!

But to try and repeat this and other stories from the Q&As here does not do them justice (wait for the video) but needless to say that Tim was charming, amusing and totally gorgeous on both days. Leaving the stage exhausted and to a standing ovation, Tim later returned to sign autographs for hours on end and to chat with people individually. What a guy!

Tim eckythumping the black pudding's new owner, Andrew Reid

You can partially thank Rupert Murdoch for this, well sort of. You see Channel 7's current affairs show "Today Tonight" asked Tim whether he would be so kind as to bring some photos and Goodies memorabilia with him for their story and Tim duly arrived with a suitcase containing a genuine black pudding, photos, stickers, books and LPs. Not wanting to cart it all back to England (and anyway he needed an extra suitcase to put all the red wine we gave him in!) he kindly let us auction the contents for charity. And there was so much of it that we had to have two auctions!

Auctioneer Tom Marwede and cashier Richard Nolan did a brilliant job as the money kept rolling in, while Alison Bean and Catherine Carter carried on like bikini-clad girls at boxing matches displaying the lots to the crowd. Eager bidders fought it out for four of Tim's Goodies scripts which went for $100-150 each and Goodies books signed by all three Goodies which also went for over $100. The most expensive item was a genuine Ecky Thump black pudding which went for $240. Its proud new owner, Andrew Reid, was photographed being hit with it by Tim for The Age and claimed to be only slightly miffed when fake puddings went on sale the next day at $6 a pop, as he was so chuffed to spend his money on a great cause.

The auction raised well over $3500 which will go direct to the Royal Melbourne Children's Hospital's Good Friday Appeal.

From left: Tracey, Gavin, Tim, Brett & Alison

I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE PANEL

Not so much a highlight, more a why did we bother? Still Tim made a fabulous Humph, even though he freely admitted to having no idea who Jeff Kennett, Steve Bracks and other local identities were. Panelists Tracey Baird and Gavin Hawkins and Brett Allender and Alison Bean did their best to make people laugh and eventually emerged triumphant in the musical rounds.

In the Pick Up Song round, in which panelists must keep in time with a popular song after the volume is dropped to nothing, Alison attempted Edith Piaf's "Non Je Ne Regrette Rien" and succeeded only in sounding a bit like Piaf (merde!), Tracey and Gavin did their best with Barenaked Ladies' "One Week" and Brett Allender triumphed with Rolf Harris' "Court Of King Caractacus". Tracey doubled as pianist Colleen Sell and aided Alison's operatic "Funky Gibbon" to the tune of "Land of Hope and Glory" and Gavin's enthusiastic "Old Macdonald Had A Farm" to the tune of "One".

Scorers Samantha and Sven scored even more than usual in Melbourne, despite Sven's disappointment in seeing only the world famous clocks at Flinders Street Station. Samantha fared better, purchasing a scale model of the Arts Centre Spire which she intends to mount.

But over all it was a case of "come on lemming, over the cliff" and all were relieved to "get off".

COSTUME PARADE AND KARAOKE

A few brave souls emerged from the Dallas Brooks Hall's toilets around 7.30pm on Saturday clad in some rather strange outfits. Brett Allender made a smashing "Grand Master of Ecky Thump" with black belt and braces in place and a genuine Ecky Thump flat cap atop his noggin. Alison Bean tried to look suave as Greedy Graeme, but ruined the effect slightly by flashing her tomatoes at anyone who cared. Tracey Baird's Union Jack waistcoat was so accurate that Tim thought it was his and Nick McCarthy's Graeme costume was impeccable from the fuzzy chops to the leather knee patches and it greatly impressed the real Graeme in the video chat. Lisa Clark destroyed a jumper and trousers to become a moth-eaten Jolly Rock lighthouse keeper and the Wauchope family (AKA. The Imperials) were bizarre and delightful as crowd of eager patriots waving at the Queen. Others came as a credible Bill Oddie and a Doctor Who alien (wrong convention, dear!). But Peter Wearden's long search for a bath plug with a ring on it paid off as he took first prize as Mr Saturday Night Grease. Peter's ability to do the Disco Heave on cue won him many fans, as did his open neck shirt and tight flares.

And so to karaoke which was kick started by Alison Bean, who fresh from her Clue panel singing success and fuelled by VB (dodgy Victorian beer) thought herself quite the diva as she bashed out "The Goodies Theme". This was quickly followed by a bizarre performance of "Funky Gibbon" by a group of anonymous, but enthusiastic men and an equally bizarre "Wild Thing" from the Wauchopes. Proceedings ended on a higher note when a group of attendees all discovered they were in choirs and gave a splendid rendition of something classical (the name of which escapes us).

For weeks phone calls and e-mails had been bouncing back and forth between the UK and Australia in the hope that we could pull this off. Five working days before Good Friday the Dallas Brooks Centre didn't have an ISDN line and Ed Brooke-Taylor (son of Tim and video phone supremo) had only just found a local tech who was willing to run the Melbourne end - and he was based in Adelaide. We were cutting it fine, but thanks to the hard work of Ed (of Motion Media, UK) and David Goss (of GVT Microbits, Adelaide), Telstra (Australian phone company) installed the line in time and we were all set.

And so a black and white, fuzzy image of Graeme and Bill appeared on the screen, which was quickly replaced by a crystal clear, colour one and over 250 people went wild. When we eventually shut up and let Graeme and Bill speak we were treated to an hour and twenty minutes of hilarious banter between them and Tim. Highlights included Graeme's hideous curly, orange toupee which Bill later whipped off his head to great cheers, Bill and Graeme's claim that Tim wasn't in fact Tim, but some bloke they'd met in a pub and sent down to Australia, Bill's impression of Rolf Harris and Graeme's impressions of Bananaman and Eddie Waring. An attempt to get Bill to sing "Wild Thing" didn't work because of the sound lag, but Bill delighted many when he revealed that he has the original recordings of many of the Goodies songs from the series, which do no appear on the albums. We can only hope that he plans to release them on CD at some stage.

A lucky few got the chance to wave at or embarrass themselves in front of Graeme and Bill and Ed appeared on screen to great cheers from the audience. For more highlights, wait for the video, just believe us when we say it was pure magic and definitely the best bit of the whole convention. We love you Ed and David and we can't thank you enough!

Despite the lack of cardboard Bianca Jaggers (and attendees), Disco Billius was funky and those who choose to indulge in mixed dancing had a great time. Others preferred to play "identify the dip" with the purple dip confusing everyone, especially those who tasted it. The hard core disco heavers waltzed in a big circle during "Last Chance Dance" before staggering home for some well-earned sleepy bo-boes.

RARE EPISODES & OTHER FOOTAGE

A cavalcade of rare Goodies footage was presented with highlights including the London Weekend Television series, an un-cut "Earthanasia", the black and white episodes "Come Dancing" and "The Commonwealth Games", the rare BBC episode "Hype Pressure" and the really, really rare "Caught In The Act". Interviews with the trio, footage from "Top of The Pops", episodes of "Bananaman", bloopers from "The End" and "Politics" and the quite, quite brilliant "If I Ruled The World" were also highlights. All agreed that BBC2 controller Jane Root must be Ecky Thumped immediately for axing "If I Ruled The World" and a proposed Goodies theme night and any volunteers are instructed to assemble outside BBC Television Centre with their puddings on the glorious 12th.

In a fan convention first only three items on the program were panels! The first panel was on the classic pre-Goodies comedies "At Last! The 1948 Show" and "Marty". Peter Tatchell showed lots of clips while Tim Brooke-Taylor provided expert commentary on them. Matthew K. Sharp's "ABC Cuts" panel was less than a roaring success when he turned up late, but the crowd was kept happy with a compilation video of Goodies spoof ads. Tracey Baird chaired a panel on "The Goodies vs Monty Python" and an enthusiastic discussion resulted. All agreed that both were excellent programs and that trying to compare them was too hard. Special thanks to Brian Labza who ran around with the microphone making people's comments audible.

THE CLOSING CEREMONY

This was quite an emotional affair for anyone involved with the Kon and many hugs and kisses were exchanged during and after. Alison unwittingly did a Gwenyth Paltrow by thanking almost everyone who had ever existed and Tom stated that he was going to make damned sure that he never saw any of us again. The committee then took Tim to a genuine English pub in the heart of Melbourne and attempted to drink the profits of the Kon before retiring to their respective residences looking tired but delirious.

THE UP-SHOT OF IT ALL

- Kitten Kon was a huge success with over 300 people attending over the two and a half days it ran.

- When all the bills are paid the committee estimate that The Goodies Rule - OK! will be able to donate between $5000 and $10 000 to the Royal Melbourne Children's Hospital's Good Friday Appeal.

- The national media exposure generated by Kitten Kon has seen the number of members in The Goodies Rule - OK! jump by well over 200 in the past month.

- The sales of plastic tomato-shaped sauce bottles have increased by 20% at a Melbourne kitchenware shop!

A Goodie spotted up close with an Ecky Thump madman and a certain anonymous Queen!

Who hasn't spotted a Goody this month? And who needs a wig-spotters badge anyway? Just in case you missed it, here's where you should have spotted a Goody in the past month:

THE KITTEN KON INTERVIEWS

My only regret as chief Kitten Kon publicist was that I couldn't get Tim Brooke-Taylor on "Good Morning Australia with Bert Newton". But despite this obvious act of publicity suicide we managed to pull a big crowd to Kitten Kon, mainly because we forced Tim talk to everyone in the media who would listen. Luckily Tim was good enough to do it and despite his jet lag and the fact that I made him put up with Kate Langbroek twice, he was fantastic. These were the highlights:

The Age Green Guide, 13/4/2000 - An excellent article by Craig Platt in which Tim described an encounter with an Australian fan: "There was a time, we had been rehearsing at the BBC, and we got into the lift with Rolf Harris. He said 'I'd just like to say how much I enjoy the show.' Because all three of us were there, we knew none of us could say we liked Rolf's show. We went all the way down in the lift and didn't say anything. Right at the bottom Rolf said; 'Well, I just thought I'd mention it.' It was one of those really embarrassing moments."

The Ernie Sigley Show, Radio 3AW, 20/4/2000 - The first hour of the show featured a live interview and phone-in with Tim. Top marks to the producer who managed to find "A Walk In The Black Forest" within seconds of Tim mentioning it.

Merrick and Rosso, Triple J, 20/4/2000 - The men with man boobs were thrilled to meet a real live Goody after chatting to Bill Oddie on the phone last year. However they encountered difficulties when they tried to touch the sacred Union Jack waistcoat which was being expertly guarded by its minder Tom Marwede. As Tim revealed on air "if you touch the vest, you get Tommed". Happily the boys were later allowed to try it on under Tom's watchful eye. The interview ended with Australian band Spiderbait's version of "Run" and later that afternoon, in honour of Tim's visit, Merrick and Rosso challenged musical comedy trio Tripod to write a song in the style of The Goodies, with the characters of Monky Magic, which involved home dentistry. The result was a re-worded Goodies theme: "Monkey (Monkey, Monkey, yum, yum), Monkey (He's ready for you), Monkey (Monkey, Monkey, yum, yum), here he comes, on a cloud, badly dubbed, getting down" and a re-working of the String Song ("Teeth, teeth, teeth, everybody loves teeth...").

Today Tonight, Channel 7, 20/4/2000 - Tim nips down to the pub with Today Tonight reporter Jackie and after blowing his pint everywhere, they ride off together on a tandem bike. When asked about The Goodies Tim said: "I hate to blow my own trumpet, but yes, we were good weren't we?"

The Herald Sun, 21/4/2000 - You can't keep a Goodie man down, even if he almost ended up in therapy with sexuality issues: "Cliff Richard and Olivia (Newton-John) were going to do a film together, but she had to drop out. They then said, 'well Olivia can't do it, who's the most obvious person? Ah, Tim Brooke-Taylor!'"

The Age, 21/4/2000 - Tim revealed that his favourite Goodies episode is Kung Fu Kapers (Ecky Thump): "We were all from the north and it was good to send ourselves up. I've actually bought a couple of the big, flat caps we used in that program with me."

Laugh Radio, 21/4/2000 - Laugh jock Jim Griffin was delighted that Tim cared about him ("We love you Jim...I think it's become the real thing") and proceeded to question him extensively on the adult side of The Goodies and the Goodies' songs: "Probably the best track we've ever done was 'Blowing Off' which is a fantastic farting song - if you've got farting songs this is the cream of the farting songs." Almost collapsing with laughter, Jim struggled out of the studio to make way for Laugh Radio supremo Peter Tatchell who played an hour of comedy featuring Tim, from shows such as "Cambridge Circus", "I'm Sorry, I'll Read That Again", "At Last! The 1948 Show", "Marty", "Hello Cheeky" and "I'm Sorry, I Haven't A Clue". This one hour special will be repeated on Laugh Radio 89.9FM (Melbourne) on Monday 29th May at 11am and 11pm.

The Good Friday Appeal Telethon, Channel 7, 21/4/2000 - After being forced to sit between pop starlets S2S (he didn't touch them!) and TV veteran Denise Drysdale, Tim deserves a medal, particularly for his enthusiastic donation reading.

The Panel, Channel 10, 26/4/2000 - When he could get a word in, Tim told many an amusing tale, such as how Prince Charles suggested material for Goodies episodes. Then he gave this club a nice plug and mentioned my name twice, at which point I got bagged by Tom Gleisner and Kate Langbroek remarked "he can't get rid of her". And am I bitter? Well, when I got home and saw how many people wanted to join the club I decided that Kate and Tom and the rest of them can bag me all they like.

The Buzz, Channel V, Foxtel, 3/5/2000 - An excellent interview in which orange-haired host Jabba received a frank response from Tim when he asked him about what he thought of Graeme and Bill: "They're complete bastards". A generation of Goodies fans are now scarred as a result of this damning revelation.

The Big Schmooze, thecomedychannel, Foxtel, @ 6.30pm on 20/5/2000 - Melbourne comedian Dave O'Neil and TV loud-mouth Kate Langbroek will put to air their interview with Tim and story on Kitten Kon. The pair apparently arrive at Kitten Kon on a tandem, before chatting to attendees and asking Tim to reveal all about The Goodies. Kate claims that her and Tim are having an affair and that he's taking her back to England with him (and she thinks he can't get rid of me!).

PS. Not one to turn down the opportunity to be a media slut I did lots of radio and print interviews, most notably "The Morning Show with Francis Leach" on Triple J. I even did a dumb photo shoot for the Melbourne Times in which I was surrounded by Goodies paraphernalia, wearing a Goodies t-shirt and Union Jack socks and had a rubber duck attached to my foot, as you do. In this and the other publicity adventures described above I really must praise the assistance of Catherine Carter, Tom Marwede, Tracey Baird, Brett Allender and of course, Tim Brooke-Taylor.

Goodies memorabilia, including Graeme's Funky Gibbon glove and a genuine black pudding from Kung Fu Kapers, on display

3. KITTEN KON IN REVIEW

What people said about Kitten Kon.

MARK LONGMUIR (21/4/2000)

The video room has been good and quite a popular hang-out when nothing else is on. I managed to catch one of the LWT episodes I haven't seen before, another one was on but unfortunately during the Trivia night. And even watching the regular episodes which we've all seen many times before continues to be great fun.

So on to the trivia night...well, it was great fun. Oh yes, and I was on the winning table :) A good selection of Goodies questions and British comedy, especially some fun clips from the best (Blackadder, Fawlty Towers, Young Ones, etc.) and groovy TV themes! I don't quite know how we did it in the end, coming back from 8 points behind, and given some of the results we saw, we weren't being marked too easily! Congratulations to everyone on our table, I'll probably forget most ofthe names but will see you around for the next couple of days, sharing in the chocolates and showing off the plaques! :)

And congratulations to the organisers of the trivia night, and indeed to those of the whole convention!

MARK LONGMUIR (23/4/2000)

The rest of the con has been fantastic, especially Tim of course (though watching the Where Are They Now tape and going to both Q&A sessions almost caused an overload on some of the anecdotes!) :) He is exactly like (no, not his character!) you'd expect - charming, polite, nice, friendly... etc.

The video room has been highly entertaining all weekend, and good for catching most of those LWT episodes...the rarer episodes in the main room have also been great. Also seeing a little more of If I Ruled The World (Jane Root must die or have horrible things done to her...:) ), a few other little bits here and there, and some fine classic episodes.

The video chat on Saturday was obviously the highlight. A lot of effort had obviously gone into it and the quality of the link etc. was not lacking. Graeme and Bill were hilarious - Graeme in particular demonstrated some of his usual technique of sitting back a lot of the time and then firing off a brilliant one-liner. Then there were Bananaman impressions, an attempt to get Bill singing Wild Thing, and much fun was had by all. :) Perhaps they'll make a special effort to get here next time...whenever that may be!

Overall a fine weekend.

WOWWW! What a truly amazing weekend we all just had. Tim was SOOO lovely. I went for my second autograph session today and kissed him on the cheek and he put his arms around me and gave me a big hug!!!!!!! I've got a tear in my eye now thinking about it. When I did cry a bit was when Bill and Graeme appeared on the big screen before us grinning to our screams and applause. Just watching the banter between the 3 of them was fantastic and didn't want it to stop. Magic.

Tim had a good weekend too. I was sitting in the front row at the farewell today and I'm sure I detected a tear in his eye as he said thank-you and goodbye. It was his 1st convention ever!!!!!!! I'm so glad it was with us.

I loved meeting all you guys who were there and hope we can organise to meet again over rare screenings or some other such idea. And loved dancing "The Last Dance" with everyone at the disco.

And may I just say publicly, well done to you, Tracey, Brett, and to all of the no doubt countless others who helped organise the Con. It was great!

Oh yeah, and whoever thought of the trinkets inside the Kon bags...very well done...it took a bit of thinking to figure out the significance of everything!

Plastic spaceman, anyone?

Just a short note to say thank you for all your efforts leading up to last weekend. It was an absolute joy to speak with TBT and I enjoyed every aspect of the event that I attended. Kudos to you and your team. (How much is a kudo worth these day BTW ?! GST n'all)

I would like to take this opportunity to add my two cents worth and also thank everyone involved, especially Alison, Brett, Tracey and Tim and Ed BT for the wonderful Kon that they organised and the selfless way in which they strived (and succeeded) in providing a very enjoyable long weekend for everyone.

I especially liked the attention to detail (plastic spacemen and string!) and, even if some individual things were not as successful as others, at least people tried and had fun, and that is what it is all about...

Just a short note to congratulate yourself and other committee members on the amazing job that you are doing with fan club, newsletter and most of all Kitten Kon last week end. I can imagine the hard work and long hours involved, and as a Goodies fan, it is much appreciated. I had an amazing time on the weekend, and was thrilled at the chance to meet Tim, buy some beautiful photos, see rare episodes etc etc, and I can't even tell you how fantastic the video link was. It was all worth every cent and every minute. Thank you for an experience I won't soon forget.

It was a well deserved success for you and the committee members and a great service to the rest of us.

The entire weekend was amazing (with really nice connections), but I have to add my endorsement on the astonishing video link-up. It must be the first time I've seen technology actually work the way it's supposed to - it was the last thing I was expecting and took me entirely by surprise!

My brother and I were among the inter-state contingent present (from Perth) and certainly had a great time - can't wait for the next one!

It really was a brilliant weekend! Tim was amazing (better make that amazingly amazing ;) and the video conference was WONDERFUL (I'm so glad that it worked!). One highlight for me was hearing Tim mangle my last name while asking my question - to refresh you memory, he struggled with pronouncing it, Graeme asked if he could repeat it, and Tim said "no", which got a big laugh and I don't think anyone was laughing harder than me! At least two people came up to me the next day to mention the incident. :) I thought the trivia night was great as well; it was so much fun and I think it was another highlight of the weekend for me.

I'm still wading through all my email that gathered while I was away so I still haven't read all the ones from goodies-L but I was glad to see some congratulations to the KK committee for a job well done - you guys deserved it! Things seemed to run pretty glitch-free, so if there were any major problems you covered them very well. ;)

Bill and I had great fun doing the 2-way net-cast to KK. It looked as if you were all having a whale of a time, especially Tim!

Regards to Brett and Tracy, and all the others involved - and it was good to see what you guys look like after all this time. I hope the rest of KK goes really well, and look forward to reading the full story in due course. Ed Brooke-Taylor was a star, and did a very efficient job.

Knackered is the current word. But home safe and sound.

The great thing is that it worked. Going half way round the World for a flop would have been unbearable.

So 'well organised' badges are awarded to the team.

Alison as Greedy Graeme from

Bunfight At The OK Tea Rooms

4. THE KITTEN KON AWARDS

Presented to the most brilliant Kitten Kon attendees.

* The "She's Pissed. Has She? Yes!" Award - Alison Bean.

- for her spirited karaoke singing, her genuine Graeme Garden "death dive" and flashing her 'red ripe squirters' at Bill and Graeme during the live chat.

* The "No He Should Be Beheaded...Twice" Award - Brett Allender.

- for having the ruddy nerve to attempt to sing a Rolf Harris in the 'Pick Up Song' round of the Clue panel, then being able to sing it in perfect timing when the music reappeared. Surely there is a clause in the GROK constitution justifying expulsion from the club for such blasphemy!

* The "Cuddly Scamp Hairylegs Mastermind Of The Year" Award - David Balston.

- for his sensational victory at the Trivia Night, with his knowledge of Tim's football allegiance trumping Goodies guru Matthew K. Sharp in the playoff for first prize.

* The "Spacehopper" Award - David Balston (UK), Lisa Manekofsky (USA) & Gary Kaetzel (USA).

- for being keen/devoted/loony (select appropriate option!) enough to come bouncing half way around the world to add some much appreciated international flavour to the convention.

* The "2001 And A Bit" Award - the Wauchope family of Melbourne.

- for "spreading the Goody word" by bringing along another generation of young fans, whose happiness and enthusiasm greatly added to the fun of events like the Masquerade and Disco Bilius.

* The "One Million Billion Trillion Quintillion Zillion Pounds" Award - Andrew Reid.

- for digging deep into his pockets (even deeper than Graeme's pot holing expedition!) at the Auction and forking out $240 for a genuine 'black pudding' used by Bill in Kung Fu Kapers (the "Ecky Thump" episode). We're sure that the Royal Children's Hospital are delighted with your generosity too, Andrew!

* The "Trendsetters Ball" Award for Best Goodies Costume.

- Peter Wearden - for his excellent "Saturday Night Grease" effort with groovy flairs, 70's shirt, bath plug necklace and smear of brylcreem (well, sunscreen anyway!) in the hair for good measure.

- Nick McCarthy - for his amazingly realistic impersonation of Graeme, with brown patched suit, frayed brown tie, glasses and authentic "fuzzy chops" sideburns.

- Mrs Wauchope - a very realistic Queen Liz of England, but bore an even more uncanny and scary resemblance to Mary Whitehouse!

- with honourable mentions to everyone else who took the trouble to get dressed up in costume on the Saturday night.

* The "Officially Amazing" Award - Graeme Garden, Bill Oddie, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Ed Brooke-Taylor (of Motion Media, UK) and David Goss (of GVT Microbits, Adelaide).

- for an absolutely unforgettable hour and twenty minutes of live interview via video link up which was the highlight of Kitten Kon without doubt.

* The "Goodies Clarion & Globe. Hold The Line Please" Award - Alison Bean and Catherine Carter.

- for expertly fielding a seemingly never-ending barrage of calls and messages on their mobile phones throughout the convention.

* The "Gawd I'm Knackered" Award - Tim Brooke-Taylor.

- for arriving in Australia on the Thursday after a lengthy flight, saddling up to 12 media interviews in short succession, spending a further three action packed days at the convention, more than fulfilling everyone's hopes and expectations, and surviving to tell about it! The award is coming via Pirate Post Office, Tim...along with 1000 OBE's for services rendered!

* The "World Domination Badge" Award - Tracey Baird.

- for her sterling efforts as organiser of such a brilliant convention. Has more than earnt her badge, so unlike Frosty, she won't need to pinch one!

* The "A Word In Your Ear Gerald. Oh Is Dere, Boss?!" Award - Tom Marwede.

- for donning a black suit on the Thursday and acting as Tim's bodyguard, bouncer and chief Union Jack waistcoat minder during a series of media interviews, and scaring the hell out of Merrick and Rosso in particular when Tim cheekily told them that they would need Tom's permission to get a closer look at the sacred waistcoat!

* The "Lone Scout Premium Bond" Award - Richard Nolan.

- for doing such an excellent job in looking after all of the loot which came tumbling in from registrations, merchandise sales, auctions etc etc and went tumbling out just as quickly on venue hire and the many other expenses involved with running a function of this magnitude. He has even managed to have a tidy sum left over to donate to the Royal Children's Hospital Appeal...just as long as he can resist the temptation to plonk the whole lot on Black And White Beauty in the Grand National!

* The "Sleepy Bo Boes" Award - The Organising Committee.

- after 18 months of planning and some very long days and sleepless nights over the Easter weekend, they're all enjoying a good night's sleep nowadays without the need for any New Improved Snooze.

* The "Earl. OBE" Award - Everyone present at Kitten Kon.

- for having the faith to turn up, put heaps of faces to e-mail addresses, have a great time and contribute generously to the Children's Hospital Good Friday Appeal in the bargain.

Usually we conclude with a round from "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" the improvised comedy panel show staring Tim Brooke-Taylor, Barry Cryer and Graeme Garden and chaired by Humphrey Lyttleton, with Colin Sell at the piano and the lovely Samantha and Sven scoring wherever they go.

However this time we have pleasure in bringing you some highlights from our very own "ISIHAC" panel at Kitten Kon, which featured Tim Brooke-Taylor as "Humph for a day" and panelists Tracey Baird, Gavin Hawkins, Alison Bean and Brett Allender. These were some of our ideas for "Goodies Songbook" - tunes likely to appeal to the audience of Goodies fans at Kitten Kon.

* Tie A Yellow Gibbon Around The Old Oak Tree.

* Lovely Timita (Meter Maid).

* Born To Be Wild Thing.

* Ricky Martin's smash hit - Gibbon Da Vida Loca.

* She Wore An Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Union Jack Waistcoat.

* I'd Like To Teach The World To String - but definitely not StringalongaMaxBygraves. String him up more like it!

* Fairy Puff, The Magic Dragon.

* Anything featuring Graeme's new boy band Savage Garden.

* Hit Me With Your Gibbon Stick.

* Can't Stop The Music Master.

* Elvis' Jolly Rock Lighthouse.

* Twinkle, Twinkle Little Cat.

And so, ladies and gentlemen, as the Tony Blackburn of time is mercilessly gunned down by the celebrity hunter of fate and the frenzied giant cod of destiny chokes on the Max Bygraves gramophone record of eternity......and the tired, emotional and hungry convention committee vow to make damned sure never see any of you ever again, so ends the KKC&G.

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