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 Author Message
wahski

Posts: 267

wahski



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 Subject:  Re: A new game....Silly Stories
05/09/2019 11:18 GMT

A short Goodies-ish story.....


Hint - some names might be anagrams 


Once upon a time in the land of TrickleWood, a young man known to his friends as Marty Oliker-Boot - woke up from a snooze.

After spreading some margarine straight from the fridge onto his toast, he setup about having breakfast, he even put his ear close to his breakfast and listened for a while. Then bang....!

After he cleaned up the mess he wiped his face, Marty quickly finished the remainder of his plastic spacemen. Unfortunately he found no cornflakes.

His nose was feeling rather weird and was very red, and he wasn't sure how he come to wear the very colourful clothes and strange orange wig, especially since he usually always wore his union-jack waist coat tucked into his underpants (but only in the winter).

Maybe last night's soup didn't agree with him?  Anyway, there was a fly meandering about, so he got out the fly spray and strangely his pet dog, (who's name is "Kenneth") started to clap his paws everytime he sprayed. He made a mental note to call that Crofts mob in the afternoon about this special breed of dog he recently purchased.

Marty looked through the window and saw his neighbour Mr PlasterOfParis who was looking down at some rope which had been tied to a marsupial, who just happened to be holding a tennis racquet. He thought to himself,
"Hmm - that would make a good name for a song", whilst waiting for his Bristo gravy to heat up, he finished smoking a piece of string.

Today is Marty's last day of working at the Black Pudding factory. It seems some saboteurs placed all this weird stuff in the latest batch, causing their puds to go awol, with a mind of their own. So before he sets off, he decides to check through through the job section of the Clarion & Globe.

There were lots of places advertised for a Zoo Keeper, it seems this is a very popular profession, and on the front page news was a vague reference to one's hat blowing off - rivetting stuff.

On the inside page is a blurb about "Gazump, Grasper, Meanie and Snatch" estate agents going out of business, too bad, Marty was thinking of sell his back yard sandpit.

Just then Uncle Tom rang, asking if he liked the last batch of square eggs he sent him, and advises he has stopped feeding them a diet of concrete and grain after complaints from the local animal and plant rights groups, builder groups, and more specifically - complaints from the chickens themselves. Battery hens initially were all negative, but have since have all gone flat.

Mr Dean Reggae then enters the room coming back from his daily morning walk in the black forest, he has his nose deep inside a magazine entitled "World Domination Monthly", he is reading the section entitled "Megalomaniacs - the mis-understood". 

Because he is so enthralled in reading he is not watching where he is going and he steps onto a skateboard on the floor.

After he composes himself and picks himself off the ground, Mr Dean Reggae locates his skateboard destruction kit and puts it to good & much violent use.

This skateboard belonged to Leo Bidlid, who was sitting there at the table sucking on his sherbert, who is now looking on in complete disbelief with mouth wide open. His skateboard use to be in one piece but now resembles a jigsaw puzzle. He jumps up to Mr Dean Reggae and takes an attacking stance from his Lancastrial martial art training days of "MyKetchup" and both Marty and Leo shout in unison "You're a megalomaniac, you're a megalomaniac!" 

Mr Dean Reggae says "No I'm not I'm not!, corr - you make one Pirate Radio/Post Office and pursue a Pirate State, and you never live it down".

Leo gets out his "skateboard destruction destructing kit" and puts it to good use, to Dean's amusement.

The phone rings again but they cannot find the phone, debris from the recent skateboard demolishment has covered the desk in lots of debris and stuff -  eventually they find the noise making device Mr Dean Reggae answers it, he advises it's for Marty.

Marty asks who is it?

He replies "The Honourable Lady Amanda Barrington Phipps Ponsonby Ponsonby Paddington Waterloo Charing Cross Crewe Alexandra Accrington Stanley Dave Dee Dozy Beaky Mick and Tich Carruthers Carruthers Smythe Junior" 

Leo Bidlid says  "Oh - aren't they also known as ..."  but Mr Dean Reggae cuts in before he could finish and gives phone to Marty.

The other dog there (who's name is also "Kenneth") waddles over to Leo and he pats the very hairy dog. "Argh! - It bit me!"  Dean says "Can't have, you are at the end that is not capable of facial expression!" 

He wipes his finger fervently on his trousers with a look as if he had just consumed a whole plateful of prune & gibblet flavoured stinky tofu.

Marty puts the phone to his chest to muffle what he is about to say to the others "Known as Lady Amanda... for short, is after some more cattle from Uncle Tom's farm."

Leo Bidlid says "Why - what's wrong with the last lot he sent her?"

Marty - "It seems the last lot did not survive the branding process."

Mr Dean Reggae raises his head from inside his magazine and says "I'm not suprised - why doesn't she just use her initials instead of her full name?

Leo - "What -  THLABPPPPWCCCAASDDDBMATCCSJ ?", and I thought I had problems with BLIMPHT!

Marty puts the question to her on the phone, and agrees with her in a submissive tone, "oh yes that would be a silly brand name for the cattle, we can't have that", he stalls a bit on the phone with "umms" and "errs" and hand signals to the others for suggestions, and then blurts out "how about MOO MEANZ COWZ", Marty says she is happy with that and hangs up the phone.

Leo Bidlid - "So Mr Meg-la... err Mr Dean Reggae, have you got any great money making schemes that don't require world domination?, as we are all broke"

Dean says "as a matter of fact I have, I have this suit and trouser setup that you put your feet into and it does up with one continuous zipper motion up to the neck, for those in a hurry to get dressed. Turn it inside out and you have a bathing suit, turn it inside out again and you have tracksuit top and pants, it is three-dimensional, Do it again to get back where you started."

"Only problem currently is only can get the top half of the suit to appear with the tracksuit bottoms, and have no idea why the underpants keep appearing up around the neck."

Marty Oliker-Boot puts on a gramophone record and the music starts playing, he gets into a proud, patriotic speech, punching his fist into the air, about how great the pioneers and inventors of yesterday have shaped our country, about how they will build better bigger things, stronger than before and....

Leo Bidlid  picks up the record, smashes it on the desk and says "Silent revolution me lad -silent revolution! ...."


Bill: "I used to have a pet rabbit once.......and at no stage did he ever strap me to the couch and stick carrots in my ears!"
Last modified: 25/10/2019 10:10 GMT by wahski
vanessa cricklewood

Posts: 830

vanessa cricklewood



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 Subject:  Re: A new game....Silly Stories
13/05/2012 15:51 GMT

".....made from string..so if you don't mind now I have to go and shampoo the cat ! "


please marry me Grayboots!!
 
bretta

Posts: 134

bretta

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 Subject:  Re: A new game....Silly Stories
08/05/2012 05:24 GMT

Bill continued: "And my hair is not a Peruvian gerbil, it's in fact a policeman's wig that landed on my head after Graeme was carelessly waving his Nicholas Parsons mask around in public.  But as for Graeme's hair and fuzzy chops, they are in fact ...!"

 
Edna

Posts: 2433

Edna



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 Subject:  Re: A new game....Silly Stories
30/11/2011 12:26 GMT

Bill Oddie. I can't grow a beard, so I painted one on. The purple loons are the old curtains from the spare room

 
Caroline Kook

Posts: 4

Caroline Kook



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 Subject:  Re: A new game....Silly Stories
29/11/2011 17:54 GMT

...tiny version of the Loch Ness Monster... 

"How do you like my fancy dress costume?" it asked.

"It's very, very nice," Tim said, nervously.  "But...  uh... Who are you?"
The Monster laughed.  "I'm..."

(Hope it's OK for me to play!)


Hope you enjoy it.  It's just what you deserve.
 
Ingemar

Posts: 203

Ingemar



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 Subject:  Re: A new game....Silly Stories
13/10/2011 10:43 GMT

Right at that moment, someone, or something, entered the room, with black stains around the mouth. It was a...

 
Twinklekitty

Posts: 6

Twinklekitty



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 Subject:  Re: A new game....Silly Stories
17/09/2011 04:20 GMT

... he waved provocatively and enquired 'Who's been 'avin' a go at my puddings, then?'

 
Ingemar

Posts: 203

Ingemar



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 Subject:  Re: A new game....Silly Stories
04/08/2011 05:31 GMT

...black pudding, which...

 
Ingemar

Posts: 203

Ingemar



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 Subject:  Re: A new game....Silly Stories
21/04/2011 21:35 GMT

Meanwhile, at the scripting department.

- The episodes are too long, exclaimed Kubrick. We need to make them shorter!
- But we want to make long and artistic works, said Zefferelli.
- Yes, but we can do that as we always do, exclaimed Fellini.
- What is that? replied Kubrick.
- By performing slowly. Then we get short scripts and will be considered geniuses at the same time!
- We know, groaned Warhol.

So, back to the story.

Bill, Graeme and Tim had just stopped discussing music, when president Obama suddenly entered the room. That is, Fred Obama, president of the local grocery store. Without delay, he reached for his pocked and brought out a...

 
wahski

Posts: 267

wahski



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 Subject:  Re: A new game....Silly Stories
29/03/2011 14:06 GMT

(well no one else seems keen so here is a continuation of the story....  )

Graeme    :That was the ministry of sound
Tim    :What a music group?
Graeme    :No a government department devoted to the arts. Specifically they are wanting us to fix the fledging music industry, as sales of CDs and online tunes are down as apparently piracy is rampant. So they get less money back via taxes.
Bill    :I heard about that, some group is wanting 75 trillion dollars in compensation for file sharing - I'm looking at http://goo.gl/vBTFl on this IPAD.
Tim    :How did you do that?
Bill    :I went to goggle and looked it up
Tim    :Goggle?
Bill    :yeah you look  through the Goggles to search for stuff
Graeme    :That's not an IPAD. that's my small screen telly I've hooked up to the net via this coathanger.
Tim     :Oh that's where it went, I was looking for that - just finished the washing....Well anyway, that's alot cheaper than the Velasquez

Graeme    :You see these days the big music companies are spending 100,000s to get musicians together, using expensive recording equipment, then they have to mix down the music to x2 tracks, equalize & enhance it, so the music is pristine, only for non-paying pimple faced teenagers to download a low quality version from the net & listen via their ipod through tin pot little headphones.

Bill    :But you have got to admit, most of the music these days is rap
Tim    :Rap? - Dont you mean Crap?
Bill    :Exactly!

Graeme    :We have to come up with some plan, maybe some find big artist to promote music as it was in days gone by, to make people want    to listen to good music, and be prepared to pay for it.

Tim    :How about we get that famous disc jockey, what was his name?

Graeme slaps one hand on his knee, claps his hands, points and says

Graeme    :Tony Blackburn!!   
Bill    : Didn't he get shot?
Tim    :Oh yeah - whoops...
Graeme    :Hey - How about Rolf and Cilla?
Tim    :Nah.. Don't go for all that high singing - Rolf who?
Bill    :I've got it - I could re-hit the heights of Randy Pandy?  he finds http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YyoYcEL7jws

In a high pitched tone Tim says

Tim    :The Heights of RANDY PANDY! you can't be serious, more like Big Fat Nellie!!
Bill    :The Funky Gibbon?
Graeme    :Maybe we could go for alternate types of music.
Bill    :What do you mean?
Graeme    :We could find some big Country stars and get everyone dancing about performing river dances...
Tim    :Where are we going to find big Country & Western singers in Cricklewood?

Bill    :I've heard that there are some great guitars players out on the farms, they use the same hand action to play guitars as they do to pluck their chickens! 
    :To sing a country song, you just need an open mind!

Tim    :... and a closed nose.......How about a Beatles reunion?
Graeme    :What! Don't you know there are only two of them left?
Tim    :Sorry forgot about that,
    :Tim takes the 'ipad' away from Bill and wipes it down as he has spilt Lemon Sherbet all over it.
    :You are right it says here Paul is dead - http://www.ispauldead.com/

Bill    : Don't think it will work anyway, they sang "All is you need is love" - then they broke up.  Bad publicity! He continues sucking on his Sherbert.

Tim    :What about ABBA?
Bill    :What Arthur, Betty, Boris and Angela? They retired years ago.....

Graeme    :I've got it.  How about we find a 13-14 year old, Get them to sing about love, life's relationships, divorce, marriage, the whole drug/sex/rock n roll thing.

Bill    :Who would believe it - hard to think someone that age could relate & sing about all that stuff convincingly.

      Tim 'goggles' some more...

Tim    :How about this Justin BuyBeer? .....Nah sounds like an aging alcoholic?
Bill    :and David Cassidy or Lulu are no longer spring chickens

Tim elbows Bill and says
Tim    :I'm a spring chicken  ... just don't remember what spring I was born in.....

Graeme    :We could start up a Pirate "Pirate Bay" where people could download music for a small charge.
We could even accepts payments from people to make sure groups do not release certain songs onto the unsuspecting public - For the good of mankind

Bill    :Too bad they didn't stop that "Friday" song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD2LRROpph0 it's got 138,000+ likes and over a million dislikes I see here...

Graeme    :...and next door we could have a lip-synching clinic for up & coming 'singers' and a 'bad dancing' school to complement their singing.

Bill    :I have heard of these two experts in this field  John Milli, and Rupert Vanilli we could get in contact with them?



(anyone else wish to continue.....)


Bill: "I used to have a pet rabbit once.......and at no stage did he ever strap me to the couch and stick carrots in my ears!"
Last modified: 29/03/2011 14:20 GMT by wahski

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