» #49 Jan 2000
THE GOODIES CLARION AND GLOBE
THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK' FAN CLUB
Issue No. 49 12th January 2000
'The Goodies Rule - OK!'
P.O. Box 325
Chadstone VIC 3148, AUSTRALIA
THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G
- Alison Bean
- Brett Allender
- David Balston
- Catherine Sumnall
- Andrew Pixley.
- Lisa Manekofsky.
- Tim Brooke-Taylor.
1. BOFFO IDEAS - Club happenings and ideas.
2. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.
3. SPECIAL FEATURE - The Commonwealth Games missing clips.
4. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY - Double Trouble.
5. THE END - Famous First Words.
1. BOFFO IDEAS
You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail ALISON BEAN at firstname.lastname@example.org with your comments, ideas or suggestions.
KITTEN KON - THE GOODIES CONVENTION
TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR is now CONFIRMED as our guest at Kitten Kon! Hopefully joining him will be GRAEME GARDEN. And you can also expect to see the lovely ROBERT ROSS, editor of Cor Magazine and author of the new book THE GOODIES GUIDE.
Rare footage includes PLAYGIRL CLUB (aka Caught In The Act) and A COLLECTION OF GOODIES. Plus we'll be screening every single episode of THE GOODIES (except for the original Kitten Kong) in our VIDEO ROOM.
The official Australian launch of Robert Ross' THE GOODIES GUIDE, the first ever GOODIES KARAOKE COMPETITION, a funky 70's DISCO, Q&A and AUTOGRAPH SESSIONS with our special guests and a multitude of PANELS.
A DEALER'S ROOM, people in STUPID COSTUMES, a CHARITY AUCTION, lots of ECKY THUMPING, heaps of FUN, much HILARITY and PRIZES galore.
BE THERE OR BE A NICHOLAS PARSONS FAN!!!
HOW MUCH IS IT?
If you book before 20th January you'll pay only $100 per ticket (please enquire about discounts for children under 12) and you'll go into the draw to win one of two Goodies video covers autographed by Tim Brooke-Taylor and Graeme Garden.
HOW CAN I PAY?
By cash, cheque or money order (in Australian dollars only) and if you're sending a cheque or money order please make it out to "The Goodies Rule - OK!".
WHERE DO I SEND MY MONEY TO?
The Goodies Rule - OK!
PO Box 325
And don't forget to tell us your name, address, phone number and e-mail address so we can contact you.
BUT I LIVE INTERSTATE!
Tim Aslat, the club's Technical Officer (email@example.com), is reportedly organising a bus charter from Adelaide to Melbourne and back for the convention and word is if he gets the numbers it'll cost about $25 each - how's that for a bargain?! There are also people offering advice or seeking share accommodation/group discount accommodation at http://thegoodies.oztek.com.au/board/ .
I'VE GOT A QUESTION!
If you have any questions regarding booking for Kitten Kon please e-mail Tracey Baird - firstname.lastname@example.org
Over the Christmas and New Year break we've had lots of time to update our webpages and we invite you see the results, which include:
- Each page updated and revised.
- Downloadable back issue C&Gs.
- Heaps of groovy new pictures.
And as a special C&G readers only offer, you'll go into the draw to win $10 off a Kitten Kon ticket or a Goodies T-shirt if you can spot 20 errors on the webpages and send them in before 31st January 2000. Which is a good excuse for you to re-visit us and seek out broken links, incorrect html, spelling, punctuation and factual errors.
SHOP WITH US THIS MILLENNIUM
With the millennium bug being the biggest fizzer of the new millennium you've got no excuse for not being able to get to our all new shop pages.
Here is the short list of what you can buy through us:
** Goodies Videos (VHS PAL only)**
The Goodies - The Goodies And The Beanstalk
The Goodies - Kitten Kong
** Goodies Music**
Run (Spiderbait's cover version)
** Goodies Books **
The Goodies File
The Making Of The Goodies Disaster Movie
** Goodies T-shirt **
** I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again **
** I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue **
The Almost Totally Complete I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue
I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue - The Official Limerick Collection
The Little Book Of Mornington Crescent
** Books About The Goodies **
The Goodies Guide by Robert Ross
The Goodies Episode Summaries by Brett Allender
And in addition to all that we've got solo works by Tim, Bill and Graeme, videos featuring the trio and books about British comedy and British television. And every purchase helps us put on Kitten Kon. It's all at our shop NOW!!!
GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARIES
And speaking of Brett's Goodies Episode Summaries, the 2nd edition is out now and it's more compact AND CHEAPER! For postage to anywhere in Australia you'll pay just $24 and for postage to anywhere else it's $34. What a bargain for 168 pages of information on every episode of The Goodies! Visit the website http://thegoodies.oztek.com.au/summary.html or e-mail Brett: email@example.com for more details.
More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen a Goodie recently, e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! The Goodies this month:
I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A TIME CAPSULE
by CATHERINE SUMNALL
An intriguing revelation in the Radio Times last week read: "Jeremy Paxman Time Capsule: The Radio 4 programme I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue - for the pleasure of imagining future generations trying to decode Mornington Crescent." So, when he's not attempting to mentally destroy hapless politicians, Paxman employs his nature on charitable thoughts such as this; come on Jeremy, anyone would think it was difficult!
I'M SORRY I HAVE A CHRISTMAS SPECIAL
by DAVID BALSTON
The Christmas Day 25th December 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue' was broadcast in two different versions. The full 28 minute version went out at 12.30pm on Radio 4 while a slightly shorter 25 minute version was broadcast at 6.05pm on Radio 4. The special guest was Stephen Fry.
THE NEARLY COMPLETE AND UTTER HISTORY OF EVERYTHING - PART ONE
by CATHERINE SUMNALL
"The Nearly Complete and Utter History of Everything - Part One" featured a brief but enjoyable cameo by Tim as Lord Sandwich being presented with his yeasty namesake and suggesting various fillings. Also appeared were Peter Davison (Doctor Who) as Wellington, Nigel Planer (The Young Ones) as Lord Cardigan and Steve Punt as Lord Tampax. Perhaps there was some subconscious link to Enfield's Tim Nice But Dim role, said Tim exclusively to the C&G "I wonder why I was asked?".
THE STUDENT PRINCE
by Lisa Manekofsky
According to BBC America's home page, they're be showing the film "The Student Prince" in December and January. Graeme Garden appears in this film (alas, very briefly).
According to the BBC America page, the film is supposed to air on January 15 at these times:
8:00p.m. & 1:00a.m. ET
7:00p.m. & 12midnight CT
6:00p.m. & 11:00p.m. MT
5:00p.m. & 10:00p.m. PT
I don't get BBC America but I've been told that their on-line schedule isn't always correct. Therefore, I'd advise any subscribers to the channel to attempt to verify when the film will actually be shown (using local listings).
by CATHERINE SUMNALL
In last month's C&G I was inept enough to hint at a long-awaited honour for a certain "singing brillo pad". I should naturally apologise for this lapse - I was clearly not prescient and correct. After all it was totally unreasonable to expect him to rank above the greatest explorer of the 20th century - Michael Palin, CBE. Better luck next time Bill, maybe it was a similar virus to the one that forced the omission of the Queen's Christmas Message (according to Cheddar Gorge rules) from the ISIHAC Christmas special?
3. SPECIAL FEATURE
ANDREW PIXLEY, Cult TV historian and author, contributor to TV Zone magazine and C&G reader recently uncovered the script to episode 2-2 of The Goodies, "The Commonwealth Games". Below is the script of the extracts removed by the ABC (Australian Broadcasting Corporation) censor in the early 70s. The censored 16mm film copy broadcast by the ABC at this time is now the only existing print of this episode.
This comes after the Minister turns at the office door and says "The Sex Test".
(The Minister opens the door to reveal - on CSO - a bedroom.)
MINISTER: Ah yes, this will do. (Indicates door.) Gentlemen, will you file in there one at a time please?
(The old MPs get up and move towards the room. The Minister crosses back to the front door and opens it.)
MINISTER: Miss Foster?
(Miss Foster comes in wearing a revealing shortie nightie, followed by two workmen. She goes to the bedroom door.)
MISS FOSTER: First one please.
(Fade to black - Music Link - Fade up with Caption: "A Little While Later"
- The two workmen emerge from the bedroom carrying one of the MPs between them. They add him to the heap of other MPs in the corner. They are followed by Miss Foster, straightening her hair. She moves over to the waiting Minister and hands him a report.)
MINISTER: Thank you Miss Foster.
The scene cuts back in at this point as the Minister says "Failed?" as he reads. "Yes, sir - all of them," says Miss Foster.
MINISTER: But, I mean didn't any of them try to...I mean...didn't they even...I mean...none of them?
(The Secretary whispers to him.)
MINISTER: No no, that doesn't count.
MISS FOSTER: Then I'm afraid none of them....
The scene cuts back in at this point as Miss Foster's line ends "have passed, sir." The scene then proceeds uncut with the Minister persuading the Goodies to be the new team up to the point where Miss Foster whispers to the Minister about the Goodies and the Sex Test. We see shots of Graeme and Bill, and then Tim, reacting.
MINISTER: What, all three of them?
MISS FOSTER: Yes, sir.
MINISTER: You didn't, did you? This morning? Well - I didn't even get a cup of tea. All right, gentlemen...
The scene cuts back in as the Minister continues: "... that's settled then."
4. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY
DOUBLE TROUBLE (aka The Baddies)
Series 2 - Episode 13
First screened: 14th January 1972
The Goodies run a 'Nice Person Of The Year Award', as Graeme takes bets on the winner, with themselves in the running against people like Liberace, Tony Blackburn, Moira Anderson, Lovelace Watkins, Hughie Green (a bunch of creeps, according to Bill) and the unknown Dr Petal. David Frost phones in and nominates himself (and is promptly given odds of two million to 1!) and the Goodies are installed as favourites, as it is their job to be nice and the award would be good for business (with the prizemoney also good for their pockets!)
They ride their trandem down the street to spread joy and flowers to the public, but get pelted with fruit and clobbered with handbags in return. After they are booted out of a shop, they find that the trandem has been stolen and report it to the police, but only get treated with disdain and derision by the boys in blue. Reports are coming in that the Goodies are molesting people on their trandem and a peek out the window reveals three evil lookalikes riding up and down the street doing mean things to passers by, although it takes the police sergeant a long while to realise that they are not the real Goodies, who happen to be sitting right in front of him watching this nastiness happen.
The 'baddies' get away and the Goodies are still supposedly causing havoc (including saying "Knickers!" to Vera Lynn!). Before too long, the other entrants in the 'Nice Person Of The Year Award' are also reported as doing bad things (such as Liberace assaulting his Mum, Lord Longford selling dirty books in Soho and Moira Anderson opening a sex boutique!) and Graeme realises that the impersonators are all robot dummies. The Goodies follow nice people who are behaving badly and they enter a spooky dungeon to find robot doubles of themselves, before being cornered by the mysterious Dr Petal.
After tying them up, he explains that he is misunderstood by the world (after receiving the Nobel Prize for the most unpleasant and irresponsible scientist of the century) and just wants to be liked, hence he has entered the 'Nice Person Of The Year Award' and intends to win it after ruining the chances of the other contestants with his wicked robot doubles. He intends to kill the Goodies so that his secret is safe and sets up an ingenious death device where they will either die from sulphuric acid or an alligator attack. Somehow Graeme's potato peeler saves the day, but they are recaptured and strapped to a bomb attached to a cork holding in poison gas and Dr Petal leaves to collect his award.
At the 'Nice Person Of The Year Award' ceremony, the other two remaining contestants are carted away by police (including the Bishop of Manchester for his hobbies of whipping choirboys and hoping to star in his own blue movies!), which leaves Dr Petal as the undisputed winner. Graeme finally hatches an escape plan just as the bomb explodes and the Goodies are propelled into the air and through the roof of the 'Nice Person Of The Year Award' venue, where they protest the result.
Host Michael Aspirin is all confused as Dr Petal brings in the doubles of the Goodies and a lengthy chase scene occurs, with the real Goodies trying to dismantle the robots. After they finally succeed, Tim toasts their 'Nice Person Of The Year Award' win when Dr Petal bursts into the office and steals the crown. Tim summons Bill and Graeme to chase after Dr Petal, but they are just android doubles who attack him instead.
* Bill: "Look at this. Julie Andrews has just recorded Eskimo Nell".
Tim: "She's done what?!"
Bill: "Yeah, yeah look. There's a picture of her in a topless rubber bikini."
Tim: "That's terrible!"
Bill: "Yeah, not up to much, is it!"
* Bill: "Look at this one. Tony Blackburn on Top Of The Pops strangling a kitten!"
Graeme: "Wait a minute ... do you notice anything? Look at Tony Blackburn's face. Look at that weird fixed grin and that strange blank look in his eyes."
Bill: "He always looks like that!"
*Dr.Petal: "Nobody loves me ... except for my pet vulture Lucretia. She only stays with me because she knows I left her something in my will."
Bill: "What have you left her?"
Dr Petal: "Me!!"
* The 'Baddies' and their nasty exploits on the stolen trandem, including firing catapults at a little old lady, upending another old dear's wheelchair, nicking a baby's bottle of milk then hurling it back into the pram, swinging three little dogs on leashes overhead like a lasso while riding along and dacking a policeman as the piece de resistance.
* The Goodies following 'nice' people who are behaving badly, including a female Salvation Army officer doing a striptease act to the tune of the brass band, a bishop selling 'the pill' on a street corner, scouts forcing little old ladies across the road in peak hour traffic and a crossing supervisor herding a bunch of kids into the back of an ice cream truck heading to Uncle Jollies Meat Pies factory.
Patrick Troughton, John Junkin, Peter Reeves, Felix Bowness, May Warden, Lola Morice
Bad Bad Lot
One More Chance
Long Distance Telephone Calls
MY 2 CENTS WORTH
A rather unusual Goodies episode in that the plot almost seems like something from a cartoon or comic strip, with an evil baddie trying to kill them and a lot of rather corny and predictable scenes. Patrick Troughton is excellent as the crazy Dr Petal, but it appears as though the Goodies are hardly left with any decent lines or action themselves and the episode suffers a bit because of it.
II Fair-y punkmother
5. THE END
Yes, it's more material from I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue the "antidote to panel shows" starring Tim Brooke-Taylor, Barry Cryer and Graeme Garden with host Humphrey Lyttelton. This time it's a round of Famous First Words where the panel (including Paul Merton as special guest) have to fill in historical gaps by suggesting first words spoken by people still with us...or appearing on the National Lottery Live!
Barry: Ian Paisley: "AND FURTHERMORE!!"...as if he'd been saying something earlier!
Paul: Lloyd Grossman: "Who could live in a womb like this?"
Graeme: Tony Blair: "You're right Mum. Labour leaves you knackered!"
Tim: President Clinton: "Nurse, would you mind putting your hand on this?"
Tim: Lord Irving: "That wallpaper's got to go!"
Barry: William Hague: "I'm always going to look like this!"
Graeme: Colonel Tom Thumb: (in faint voice) "Over here!"
Paul: Mrs Thatcher: "Now we are a baby."
Tim: David Frost: "So what's it like to be my mother then? You must be very proud!"
Barry: Robin Cook: "This is the best I'll ever look!"
Barry: Charlton Heston: "I parted the waters myself!"
Humph: "And so ladies and gentlemen, as the pleasant sitting room of time is mutilated by the Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen of destiny... "
Team C&G: "And as the first C&G of the new millennium sails off to join its older siblings in all new downloadable form and as we promise not use the word "millennium" again until the December 2999 issue, it's GOODBYE!"
This is an archive newsletter of The Goodies Rule - OK! International Fan Club (copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 2000). Some of the information in this newsletter may now be incorrect. Current information can be obtained from http://www.goodiesruleok.com