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C&G 68 Aug 2001
#68 Aug 2001 - Print Email PDF 
Posted by bretta 07/11/2006

Index

» #68 Aug 2001

 
THE GOODIES CLARION AND GLOBE
 
THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK' FAN CLUB
.
Issue No. 68                      17th August 2001
 
 
CLUB WEBSITE
 
 
E-MAIL ADDRESSES
 
Newsletter enquiries: clarion@goodiesruleok.com
General enquiries: enquiries@goodiesruleok.com
 
POSTAL ADDRESS
 
'The Goodies Rule - OK!'
P.O. Box 325
Chadstone VIC 3148, AUSTRALIA
 
THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G
 
 
EDITOR
- Brett Allender
 
ACE REPORTERS
- David Balston
- Lisa Manekofsky
- Alison Bean
 
FAB FEATURE ARTICLE WRITER
- Kay Dickinson
 
C&G CONTRIBUTORS
- Helen Peucker, Ian Greaves, Daniel Bowen.
 
 
CONTENTS
 
1. QUIZ & QUOTE - Goodies brainteasers for you and you and you.
2. BOFFO IDEAS -  Club happenings and ideas.
3. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings
4. 2001 AND A BIT – Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.
5. FEATURE ARTICLE - It Might As Well Be String
6. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY - Goodies And The Beanstalk
7. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS         
.
.
 
1. QUIZ & QUOTE
(by "Magnus Magnesium")
 
QUOTE: "Is it anything to do with food, hey? Am I getting warm?"
(a) Which Goodie said this quote?
(b) Which other Goodie replied with "You soon will be!", and why?
(c) Which episode is this quote from?
 
QUIZ: This month's questions are from the episode "Almighty Cod"
(d) Why isn't Graeme worried about the Eskimos, despite them having a "big gun"?
(e) Which show does Nicholas Parsons do on Eskimo television?
(f) What does Graeme say upon hearing that the Eskimos love Nicholas and his show?
(g) What name did Graeme give the Almighty Cod?
(h) What is the end result of the cod crashing into the pier at the grand finale?
 
The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.
 
 
2. BOFFO IDEAS
 
You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> with your comments, ideas or suggestions - meanwhile these are the boffo ideas which our club has been working on this month:
 
IT WAS PROBABLY ONE OF THE CORGIES...
 (by Lisa Manekofsky)
 
Many of you are probably familiar with Corgi, a company that produces models (primarily of vehicles) as toys and collectibles. I recently noticed that Corgi has a line of TV & Film related models, including ones from comedies such as Fawlty Towers and Only Fools & Horses. I took a quick visit to their homepage, found their customer service email address (info@corgi.co.uk), and sent them the following note:
 
"I really enjoy the selections in your TV & Film line. My friends and I were particularly amused to see the Fawlty Towers figure of Basil thrashing his car; we think that's a truly inspired choice. :)
 
Since a number of classic comedies are represented in your TV & Film line I wanted to suggest another item that I believe would be an excellent addition to the series. If you're thinking of classic comedies with famous vehicles, I think an obvious choice should be The Goodies trandem. This is the infamous three-seater bike that Tim Brooke-Taylor, Graeme Garden, and Bill Oddie rode on their series throughout its 12 year run (1970-1982)...I hope you find this suggestion to be of interest. I think a Corgi model of the Goodies on their trandem would be a very popular item!"
 
The following day I received a polite, but not particularly encouraging, response:
 
"Thank you for your suggestion, I will pass it on to our product development department for their future consideration. Unfortunately I do not think that it is very likely that Corgi will produce a model of this bike as the cost of tooling up for a model that can only be used in one guise is prohibitively costly. Models such as the Basil Fawlty car can be used by our sister company Lledo as part of their saloon car range. - But you never know."
 
Oh well, it was worth a try.
 
 
3. SPOTTED!!!
 
More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the Goodies recently, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! The Goodies this month:
 
BILLY IDLER
(by Ian Greaves - posted to Goodies-L on July 17th)
 
The current issue of 'The Idler' (louche, book-length UK magazine, priced £10 in bookstores) features a lengthy Oddie interview by Louis Theroux. It's excellent and details Bill's love for The Artist Formerly Known As Prince, and most importantly the facts about his recent depression.
 
(by Alison Bean - posted to Goodies-L on July 18th)
 
I can confirm that it's a very interesting interview. If you've ever seen any of Louis Theroux's TV shows his interviewing style is exactly the same which makes it even more entertaining.
 
In the interview Oddie talks briefly about the popularity of The Goodies in Australia - apparently he, Tim and Graeme only get about 50p everytime the series is aired on UK-TV! He also mentions his experience with keen fans at last year's Cult TV convention.
 
But he mainly talks about the depressive illness which saw him lying in bed for days on end earlier this year. He was very frank about the experience and thinks that it was caused by a number of factors. These included getting caught speeding last September, the fact that his mother had a mental illness and - most interestingly - that he (and the other Goodies) were annoyed that they'd worked hard on a number of successful radio and TV series for a number of years and yet they had little to show for it.
 
He said that he felt cheated by this and anxious about where the next job would come from. And arguably what made it worse was that he'd appeared on lots of clip shows last year talking about The Goodies and yet, in their 30th anniversary the show had not been repeated, despite rumours that it might be.
 
During this period he found it especially difficult to focus on the positives - that his wildlife series was rating well and that events like last year's NFT event sold out in several days.
 
Happily Bill seems to have received excellent treatment and come out of it well. The final part of the interview is a short paragraph from Theroux in which he noted that a month or so after the interview he'd telephoned Bill to ask him how he was going. Bill talked happily about a new wildlife series he was doing and "generally seemed much improved".
 
 
MAYNARDS GOODIES PARODY
(by David Balston - posted to Goodies-L on August 9th)
 
A very strange advert has started to air in Britain advertising Maynards Wine Gums which is a parody of the Goodies complete with Goodies theme tune with the lyrics adapted to suit.
 
People who vaguely look like (well Tim doesn't really look like Tim and
Bill is just a fat man with a beard but Graeme kind of looks the part in the right light) do wacky time Goody things in the style of the various Goodies opening title sequences.
 
As a lot of you are not in the UK I have quickly set up a page with pictures and the video of the advert to download and view for your delight and amazement.
 
 
 
BBC BADDIES ONCE AGAIN
(by Daniel Bowen - posted to Goodies-L on August 8th)
 
BBC online are currently running a vote on which favourite sitcom should be brought out of retirement. Unfortunately only 10 are listed as choices, and The Goodies isn't one of them.
 
(Warning, long URL)
 
However, you can leave text comments at
 
It's also worth noting that The Goodies running mate in Australia, Doctor Who, was named as a number 1 cult favourite TV series:
 
 
4. 2001 AND A BIT
 
If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays.
 
THE ARCHIVE HOUR
(by Lisa Manekofsky - posted to Goodies-L on July 17th)
 
Tim Brooke-Taylor will be the presenter of this week's "The Archive Hour" on BBC Radio 4, Saturday 21st July at 8:00 p.m. The following is the listing for the show:
 
The Archive Hour: Thou Art Awful But I Like Thee
 Tim Brooke-Taylor presents a celebration and history of English bawdy humour through the ages, ranging from Chaucer and Shakespeare to Benny Hill and the `Carry On' films. What do the Bard and Frankie Howerd have in common, and what do they have to say to us about our lives?
 
 
THE RIGHT TIME FOR GRAEME
 (from contributions by Helen Peucker (July 17th), Lisa Manekofsky (July 31st) and David Balston (July 31st))
 
A listing for a new radio show called "The Right Time" appears on
the BBC website and in the "The Stage" newspaper from mid-July. The listing says that Graeme Garden is scheduled to appear in an episode taping.
 
Following is a cut & paste of info from
http://www.bbc.co.uk/whatson/tickets/shows/right_time.shtm  The show starts on Radio 4 Tuesday 14th August.
 
***
The Right Time
 
At last, a sketch show about modern life, written and performed by people who have lived a bit of it. BBC Radio 4's new show The Right Time takes an unashamedly close look at life in the 21st Century and how we live it.
 
Starring Eleanor Bron with guest appearances from Tony Robinson, Neil Innes and Graeme Garden and with live music from Ronnie and the Rex.
 
Recording on July 27, August 1, 23 & 31 2001.
Doors open at 7.15PM @ BBC Radio Theatre, London W1.
Nearest Tube - Oxford Circus
 
For FREE tickets call 020 8576 1227 or e-mail radio.ticket.unit@bbc.co.uk
 
 
UNDER REVUE
(by David Balston - posted to Goodies-L on July 21st)
 
Graeme will be contributing to a two part show on the history of cabaret called "Revue-ing the Situation" starting 24th July 9pm on Radio 2 concluding the following Tuesday 31st July at 9pm. He is listed as being in the second show but he may pop up in the first
 
 
5. FEATURE ARTICLE
(by Kay Dickinson)
 
IT MIGHT AS WELL BE STRING
 
Following t’Lancastrian’s Guide To Ecky Thump (Issue #62), another episode that causes a lot of confusion amongst non-Brits and those under 30 is “String”. Although it is evident that most of the jokes in the programme are parodies of specific TV adverts, either directly or generically, many people have never seen the original advert to fully appreciate the joke. To this end, I have attempted to explain the adverts contained within the programme, and hopefully this will help people understand it a little better. However, this is by no means complete, as I’m sure I’ve missed out some references – so if anyone would like to add to this, please feel free to e-mail either myself or Brett with corrections.
 
The episode opens with Bill’s performance as a lab-coated scientist, trying to persuade the housewife to use “Low Suds Mold”. This type of advert is globally recognisable, but in this particular take, the product being parodied is “Bold”.
 
Captain Fish Face’s Cod Pieces – apart from the slightly rude connotations of codpieces (apparently, the manufacturers did once suggest “Cod Pieces” as a product name, until it was pointed out to them!), this is a parody of “Captain Birdseye’s Fish Fingers”. There was an actual advert which was very similar to this that I remember when I was young, with the Viking longship sailing off into the sunset and the Captain serving his “crew” with fish fingers. The “send 2000 wrappers” was a take on the ubiquitous offers that many companies ran, with prizes for collecting so many tokens from the sides of the boxes.
 
One advert that many find extremely confusing is “OL IP DD” – DD is Double Diamond, a beer, and their logo was written exactly as on the board that Tim brandishes. DD ran a series of ads in the 70s, using single letters and numbers to sell their beer – one example is “RU 4 DD?” (Are you for DD?), so therefore, The Goodies’ cheeky, “Oh hell, I pee DD” was a direct lampooning of this.
 
The board with the picture of Margaret Thatcher and the slogan, “Are You Getting Enough?” was originally issued by the Milk Marketing Board to encourage people to drink more milk – with the picture on the front being of a healthy bottle of milk, rather than a rancid old trout.
 
“Raz Washes Whitest” – another soap powder, Daz – and again, the design on the packet is very similar to the one that Daz employed. The send up of Daz/Raz originated in I’m Sorry I’ll Read That Again, and was also the butt of previous Goody jokes, when Tim as the dozy housewife in a spoof advert in the middle of “Cecily” refuses to swap her packet of Raz for, ultimately, the Crown Jewels (the ISIRTA version had Bill as the housewife, and the Fairy Puff Man and the Westminster sub-machine gun adverts were also previously aired on ISIRTA, although they work much better visually).
 
“Harvest Moon, the scent that lingers…. Buy some, or I’ll break your fingers!” – This is a general parody of perfume advertisements, rather than a take-off of a particular product.
 
“Kenny Cornflakes” – I’m sure the capital K in this advert is recognised the world over as being Kellogg’s Cornflakes, the sunshine cereal. The portrayal of their cereal as being a real part of family life and the insinuation to the housewife (bless ‘em!) that she was somehow failing as a wife and mother should she not give her family that perfect start to the day was typical of Kelloggs’ advertising slant at the time. There was also a pop group called 'Kenny' at the time, this group used the distinctive K from the 'Kelloggs' logo as part of their own logo.
 
“Sunbeam Sliced Bread” – is a distortion of “Sunblest Sliced Bread” – although I’m unsure as to whether they in particular claimed that 9 out of 10 people preferred their brand, the doctors claim was used for a variety of adverts at the time as a form of official endorsement, although how they could all legitimately claim it is still one of life’s mysteries!
 
The white star on the black background between adverts was an ever-present feature of advertising that does not occur now, although Channel 5 brought a similar thing back as a pause between their adverts. An earlier version was also used in the spoof Goodies ads, with a white “sun” with rays emanating from it. Something similar was used on certain ITV regions, appearing mainly on Associated-Redifusion, but not all areas of the country would be aware of this.
 
“Vibena” – so close to the original Ribena blackcurrant drink advert, that today, they’d probably be sued for defamation!
 
“Nosho Dog Food” – this was based on a particular brand of dog food, although I’m not aware of which one, but generally, many pet food adverts would involve the unfortunate animal invariably choosing whichever brand was being advertised over its closest rivals. The pet food ad was another prime candidate for the “9 out of 10 owners who expressed a preference said their dog/cat preferred it”
 
“Mr Rudyard’s Cakes” – my personal favourite of all the adverts in this episode. Up until fairly recently, Mr Kipling’s (Rudyard Kipling – geddit??) cakes ran an extremely similar advert, with whichever cake was being advertised revolving on a cake stand. The voiceover, if not actually the same man, is one hell of an impression. The original adverts always tried to paint a picture of stereotypical English country life, with the sounds of a game of cricket in the background, or a croquet match, or laughing children playing, with something like, maybe, a straw boater hat beside the cake stand – the Goodies version paints a somewhat different picture, with the reality of factory made goods and an industrial landscape. The adverts always opened with the voiceover saying “The other day, I asked Mr Kipling how he made his….” with Mr Kipling usually just smiling knowingly and never giving away his secret, and ended with, “because Mr Kipling makes exceedingly good cakes”.
 
“Look at those stains…. ink, oil, gravy – stains that are really hard to budge!” – again, a take on the soap powder adverts where a (generally white) garment was stained with the above - egg and blood being another favourite – to prove how wonderful the powder shifted these stains, and how the closest rival failed miserably. Why anyone ever bought the closest rival on those results always baffled me, as well as how all the washing seemed to come out of the machine completely dry and nicely ironed – with no-one’s underwear tangled up in it. Never did that for me!
 
“That close, close shave that gets you noticed” – part of the slogan used by one of the razor manufacturers – either Gillette or Wilkinson Sword.
 
Problem hair? I bet you never thought there’d be a shampoo that was just right for you!” – the voiceover that accompanied a shot of a woman looking pained over the state of her hair – followed by the usual shot of her in the shower washing it with the brand being advertised.
 
“Soaking isn’t the only way to get those dentures sparkling white” – part of the slogan used to advertise Steradent denture cleaning tablets.
 
“There’s that other problem that even your best friend won’t mention….” The type of line found on general deodorant/mouthwash adverts of the time in which only the best friend would tell the bloke/girl who wasn't scoring on the dance floor that he/she had BO/bad breath.
 
“Join the QB’s and I’ll show you me little perforations!” – Tim is impersonating Roy Hudd who appeared in a series of adverts for 'Quick Brew' in the character of a sergeant major.  In clipped military tones, he would refer to 'Quick Brew' as QB.  The notion was that the tea bags had better perforations to brew more quickly.
 
“Jelly on a plate” – I seem to remember an advert for Devon clotted cream that involved a young maid carrying a rather suggestive looking pair of circular jellies on a plate, at chest height, to her employer’s party – each of the jellies had a swirl of cream on the top. This is all I can think that this reference appertains to, but the phrase “jelly on a plate” I don’t think occurred in it. This is probably just my perverted mind, as no-one else seems to be able to remember this!
 
“I’m only here for the string” - I think this slogan dates back to the 1940s – it was originally, "I'm only here for the beer".
 
Casanova on the beach – this is a parody of the Heineken adverts. Heineken is a Dutch lager (hence the foreign accent) whose slogan still claims today to “refresh the parts other beers cannot reach…”
 
Piece of string cigars – and Tim gets his nymphet in her wet shirt! Again, the voiceover for the Hamlet adverts is very similar to the one employed in the spoof, although I can’t remember if this is based on a real advert at the time, although I would assume so.
 
“Ah, that string moment” – again, the slogan for another real brand – this time, Condor (ah, that Condor moment) – although I only remember Condor doing cigars, but I think they also made pipe tobacco.
 
“A million housewives every day, pick up a (tin of beans) piece of string and say…. (Beanz Meanz Heinz!) God bless Tim Brooke-Taylor!”
 
“I can’t tell string from butter – can you tell string from butter? I can’t” – in a similar vein to those brands claiming 9 out of 10 preferred them, Stork Margarine ran a series of “experiments” where they asked people to taste a piece of bread with butter on, and a piece with Stork on to see if they could tell the difference. Unsurprisingly, the adverts showed that people generally “can’t tell Stork from butter”. I could.
 
Tomorrow’s World is a programme that still runs in Britain today that tests out new inventions that may revolutionise how we do things in the future. Usually, this is the last time these inventions are ever heard of, but we still live in hope! These are the real titles that ran for the show in the 70s (the real titles and presenter for Nationwide were used too, during the series) and the show was fronted by the presenter used in “String” – Raymond Baxter, although I doubt anyone had seen him dressed quite like that before!
 
Wonderful World of String – as far as I am aware, this is a purely Goodies concoction, and not based on any specific programme of the time, although current affairs programmes would put interviewees who did not want to be identified into silhouette to prevent them from being identified.
 
“Soft Margarine” - During the wonderful “String” song, Graeme’s falling over skills, reminiscent of those used in the vat of black pudding in Ecky Thump, and the earlier spoof ad from Winter Olympics for Soft Margarine are combined in this advert.
 
“Beanz Meanz String” Similarly, Tim’s earlier role as the youngster advertising Heanz Meanz Beanz is sent up wonderfully – the hapless child getting his lines right for once, but still getting smacked in the mush with a plate of baked beans by the adult Tim.
 
“Kung Poo” – a wonderful lampoon of the original “Hai Karate” aftershave adverts. Hai Karate was a revolting range of men’s toiletries that came out in the 1970s that usually ended up as unwanted and (thankfully) unused Christmas presents. Their only saving grace was the adverts that accompanied them – the extremely tall and invariably skimpily dressed Valerie Leon would smell the aftershave on a man – this would, unaccountably, arouse her passions and she would chase her hapless victim around (rather, he would run while she moved slowly and seductively), knocking over shop displays and market stalls etc on the way, until she had him cornered. Here he would quake and whimper while she bore down on him to kiss him. The joke here, therefore, is that once Tim is cornered, he resigns himself to his fate with a shrug and puckers up for his kiss – only to get karate chopped instead! Rather than her usual skimpy wear, Valerie is wearing a string dress for this ad!
 
“Deluxe Non-Drip Gloss” paint is simply a take on “Dulux Non-Drip Gloss”
 
Bill with exploding box of chocolates – Cadbury’s used to run a series of adverts for their Milk Tray range of chocolates that involved a black-clad mystery man abseiling down mountains, swimming shark-invested waters, jumping onto moving trains etc in order to deliver a box of chocolates… “and all because the lady loves Milk Tray”. How they never got wet or squashed was never explained. Bill is actually carrying a box of Terry’s All Gold, who were Milk Tray’s rivals, and the relatively small jump down that slope was a little tame – the mountain abseiling would have been much more fun, not to mention the sharks!
 
The adverts then end with another generic soap powder advert, with Bill as the irate housewife (bless their little cotton socks, what would we do without them?) and Graeme as the lab-coated scientist attempting the ultimate in stain removal – Tim removal!
 
All together now:
 
String, string, string, string
Everybody loves string!
 
String, string, string, string
Everybody needs string!
 
Pull on your pants
Slip on your vest
Everyone agrees
String is best!
 
String, string, string, string
Everybody loves string!
 
Many thanks to Andrew Pixley for his help with some of the adverts I was stuck with.
 
 
6. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY
(by Brett Allender)
 
GOODIES AND THE BEANSTALK
 
Special
First transmitted: 24th December 1973
 
PLOT
 
A burning map with a narration of American history is rapidly (and painfully) extinguished by hand to reveal that in Cricklewood in 1973, the Goodies have fallen on hard times. They are turfed out of a seedy-looking bed and breakfast house, continually moved on by the police and their attempts to raise money on the streets are a dismal failure (although Graeme's sign of 'One leg - please give generously' does at least gain him a second leg from a passer-by!)
 
They are reduced to wearing tramps clothes and sleeping on park benches, although Graeme soon makes himself at home with a paper bag pillow, newspaper sheets and a flower reading lamp. Tim refuses to eat daffodils and breaks down in tears, while he howls at the moon in despair at being poor. The only solution is to sell their most valuable possession - Buttercup the bike - which greatly upsets Bill (although the thought of himself being sold to the knackers yard upsets him even more!) and so he takes the bike to market. However the trandem is roundly ridiculed by all of the bike bidders and all that Bill can get in exchange for it is a tin of baked beans, which Graeme and Tim have much pleasure in pouring on his head when he returns to the park.
 
Graeme has an idea and plants a bean seed in the park garden, but soon admits "I'm a loony!" when it fails to grow. Shortly afterwards though, there is a huge rumble and a monster bean shoot erupts from the ground and terrorises London, before it crosses the English Channel and Europe on its way to Nepal and right to the top of Mount Everest. The Goodies are dragged along to Nepal (with Tim getting a very revealing look at a French nudist colony along the way), but with all of the beans out of reach, they hitchhike back to their London park again still poor and hungry.
 
While they bathe in the public fountain, they read about a competition with sexy ladies and a grand prize giveaway of 5000 puppies (which will otherwise be donated to Indian restaurants!). They enter as the British team in 'It's A Knockout' hosted all the way from Nepal (with the real Eddie Waring and Arthur Ellis, who has to fight off a turbaned Nepalese broadcaster with his clipboard). The Goodies face challenges from Italy and Germany and the teams must survive various obstacles, which include scaling the butter-coated beanstalk to the top of Mount Everest, with the first team to return and burst the balloons to be declared the winner.
 
The Italians shoot each other before the contest even begins and the Germans are soon reduced to skeletons after a swim with the piranhas, but the Goodies still have to scale the beanstalk. At the top, they find an amazing valley of echoes and mystical music is ringing out from a castle on the summit. Bill finds the music irresistable and drags the others along behind him before getting locked inside the castle. Graeme and Tim eventually scale the wall and find that Bill has discovered a laboratory full of geese which lay golden eggs (and even gold bars with a bit of urging!). With a sackful of golden eggs to solve all of their money worries, they try to escape but end up in a room with giant sized furniture and equipment and are soon cornered by the fearsome giant - a "ruddy midget" with a megaphone.
 
The giant confesses that all of his gear is just to scare people away (and to dodge the taxman) and that he is a zookeeper who has discovered the secret formula for golden eggs. He has summoned the Goodies to his lair because he needs some servants to look after his giant castle, but proves to be very demanding and so they escape when he falls asleep. The giant is alerted by one of his geese (which causes him to fall face-first into his giant fairy cake) and the eerily quiet descent of the mountain by the Goodies is soon interrupted by squadrons of giant geese in full attack mode.
 
The Goodies eventually roll part of the way down the mountain in a huge egg before climbing down the beanstalk (to the cheers of the crowd who are still there after all that time!) and Graeme shrivels up the beanstalk with weedkiller, which causes the giant to crash to the ground inside a massive boot. The giant bursts the balloons first and is rewarded with the 5000 puppies (which he later attempts to flog off at a street corner - "5000 puppies going cheap ... er ... going woof!"), Eddie Waring catches a golden egg and gleefully runs to the touchdown line, while the Goodies are still broke and starving. They polish up their old bean tin, but that only summons up a John Cleese genie who is told to push off and is trapped inside the tin after he remarks that the Goodies is a "kid's programme!"
 
CLASSIC QUOTES
 
* Bill: "Good grief, this is flesh and blood to me. Heavens, I love this bike!"
Tim: "You kinky little devil!"
 
* Graeme (reading from the Giant's Book Of Tasty Recipes): "Shepherds pie. First peel two shepherds ..."
 
* The (ruddy midget) giant: "There's more to a giant than size, you know!"
 
CLASSIC SCENES
 
* The Goodies desperately trying to earn some money on the streets, with Tim posing as an old lady selling lucky heather until an allergic policeman blows his disguise off with a huge sneeze (prompting kinky glances from a business-suited bystander), Bill trying to be a one-man band but being outgunned by a jazz quartet of old ladies at a bus stop and Graeme seeking sympathetic donations by pretending to only have one leg, with another old dear opening her bag and generously donating him another leg, then bopping him in the face with a spare arm when he complains!
 
* The havoc created by the giant beanstalk (to the appropriate strains of 'Come Back') with it chasing after a Girl Guides mistress, who ends up chasing the Goodies in turn. After accepting the award for best beanstalk after it has erupted through the presentation dais, the Goodies and the Guides mistress are swept away by the beanstalk, eventually being dumped into another lady's bathtub, with it in turn crashing into the BBC newsreader's desk and the newsreader being dragged along the street, eventually reading the news from a couple's living room while the bathtub and five crew members float across the English channel, with the beanstalk continuing its rapid growth all the way to the Himalayas.
 
* The superb rendition of 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire', with the Goodies as servants accompanied by chooks, ducks, sheep, a dog, an owl and a parrot.
 
* The giant geese attacking the fleeing Goodies with all sorts of weaponry including heavy solid gold eggs, exploding eggs and a 'bouncing bomb egg a la 'Dambusters'. Alfred Hitchcock is pictured egging the birds on (sorry!!), Bill pounces upon a stormtrooper goose and plucks all of its feathers off and Graeme shoots a goose down in a smoky spiralling nosedive before the Goodies roll all the way to the bottom of Mount Everest in a huge eggshell.
 
* The one and only cameo appearance of John Cleese in 'The Goodies', who materialises as a genie from a bean tin and announces "And now for something completely different ...!" After being told to push off, he sneers "Kid's programme!" before Tim traps him in the tin again.
 
GUEST STARS
 
Alfie Bass, Eddie Waring, John Cleese, Corbet Woodall, Robert Bridges, Marcelle Samett, Toni Harris, Helli Louise, Marty Swift, Arthur Ellis
 
GOODIES SONGS
 
Poor, Poor, Poor
Come Back
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
 
MY 2 CENTS WORTH
 
Chock full of special visual effects and guest stars (including the real Eddie Waring who, although good value, isn't half as funny as Graeme's impersonation of him!), the show is an excellent sendup of the Beanstalk as only the Goodies could have done it.
 
RATING
 
IIII      Officially Amazing
 
BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM:
 
IIIII - Superstar.
IIII - Officially amazing.
III   - Goody goody yum yum.
II    - Fair-y punkmother.
I     - Tripe on t' pikelets.
 
September Summary
"The Stone Age"
 
7. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
 
(a) Bill Oddie
(b) Tim Brooke-Taylor, who was getting ready to cannibalise Bill seeing as they had run out of food.
(c) The End
(d) In his own words, "Don't worry lads. We have COD on our side!"
(e) Whale Of The Century
(f) "Love him?! Good God, we're dealing with savages!"
(g) Brian
(h) A huge shower of fishfingers (after it upended drums of batter and oil, and brought down a sparking light to ignite the mixture)
 
 
NEXT C&G EDITION: #69: 12th September 2001.
 
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