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C&G 78 Jun 2002
#78 Jun 2002 - Print Email PDF 
Posted by bretta 17/11/2006

Index

» #78 Jun 2002

 
THE GOODIES CLARION AND GLOBE
 
THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK' FAN CLUB
.
Issue No. 78                      12th June 2002
 
 
CLUB WEBSITE
 
 
E-MAIL ADDRESSES
 
Newsletter enquiries: clarion@goodiesruleok.com
General enquiries: enquiries@goodiesruleok.com
 
POSTAL ADDRESS
 
'The Goodies Rule - OK!'
P.O. Box 325
Chadstone VIC 3148, AUSTRALIA
 
THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G
 
 
EDITOR
- Brett Allender
 
ACE REPORTERS
- Lisa Manekofsky
- David Balston
 
COOL COR COMIC REVIEWER
- Linda Kay
 
C&G CONTRIBUTOR
- Tim Aslat
 
CONTENTS
 
1. QUIZ & QUOTE - Goodies brainteasers for you and you and you                                                      
2. BOFFO IDEAS - Club happenings and ideas.
3. 2001 AND A BIT - Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.      
4. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY – Scatty Safari
5. GOODIES COR!! COMICS SYNOPSIS #7
6. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS                        
.
. 
1. QUIZ & QUOTE
(by "Magnus Magnesium")
 
QUOTE: "That there is a five megaton nun, son!"
(a) Which Goodie made this quote?
(b) Who was he referring to?
(c) Which episode is this quote from?
 
QUIZ: This month's questions are from the episode "The Lost Tribe"
(d) Why was Hazel initially left behind on the Goodies' expedition to find her father?
(e) What is unusual about Graeme's tv set in his tent?
(f) Which wild animal ferociously attacks Tim?
(g) What is Hazel's somewhat predictable surname?
(h) What is the delicacy that Graeme cooks up for the lost tribe?
 
The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.
 
 
2. BOFFO IDEAS
 
You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> with your comments, ideas or suggestions - meanwhile these are the boffo ideas which our club has been working on this month:
 
C&G DISTRIBUTION
 
The current system of sending out the C&G manually by e-mail each month to a designated mailing list has worked reasonably well for the past few years, however it has recently run into a bit of a problem.
 
For the past couple of months a small number of C&Gs sent out have been getting rebounded back to me by Spamcop and as a result my ISP has told me that if I continue to send out "spam" messages then they will have no choice but to close my account.
 
I must say that I find it rather disappointing that some recipients consider the C&G to be "spam" given that it is only sent out to club members who request to receive it and that there are always instructions at the end for people to unsubscribe if they no longer wish to receive the newsletter each month. I also spend quite a bit of my own leisure time putting the C&G together and my own internet hours sending it out to more than 1000 people, so the notion of it being considered as "spam" is personally insulting actually!
 
Anyway I have no wish for my current internet account to be closed so I am looking at alternative ways for the C&G to be sent out that don't put my account in jeopardy. Tim Aslat has been kind enough to put a poll on the website at http://www.goodiesruleok.com which lists a few options and I'd appreciate it if you could lodge your vote to give me an indication of how the majority of members would like to receive the C&G.
 
Bear in mind that most of the homing kangaroos are unfortunately being culled at the moment (and Rolf Harris would most likely suffer the same fate if he turned up at my door looking for a delivery job!) so at this stage Tim is looking at setting up an automatic system where the C&G is sent out to people via a website mailing list (something like Goodies-L) as well as having it available for downloading directly from the site. I might also consider maintaining a manual list for those of you who would prefer to receive the C&G directly from me by e-mail, however I'd really appreciate it if anyone who considers the C&G to be "spam" or doesn't want to receive it anymore could directly reply to this e-mail with a heading of UNSUBSCRIBE so that I know that I'm definitely only sending the C&G to those of you who want it in the future.
 
So please place your vote on the website and I'll inform you of any distribution changes in a later "Prune Flash" or in the July edition.
 
 
GOODIES T-SHIRTS
 
Thanks to the hard work of our Merchandise Officer, Richard Nolan, there are now a couple of newly designed Goodies t-shirts available. Designs and ordering information can be viewed at http://www.goodiesruleok.com/tshirts.php
 
Richard is also looking at the possibility of getting other items made up, including Goodies caps, beanies and baseball jackets. Please contact him at kergulen@bigpond.com if you are interested in finding out more information about possibly purchasing any of these items in the future.
 
 
GOODIES VIDEOS
(by Tim Aslat - posted to GROK website on 4th June)
 
Quick note. For those of you wondering what happened to the 'Buy Goodies Stuff From Blackstar' link in the merchandise links, it's not there anymore. It has become official that Blackstar are no longer able to supply Goodies videos. However, in the next couple of days I'll rework the Blackstar page to at least be able to get Monty Python, and other fabulous British Comedy items still available. Originally Lisa M (our wonderful US Rep) noticed that the Beanstalk tape was listed as 'deleted' on the Blackstar site, and today it came to my attention that the 'Kitten Kong' tape has been removed over the past couple of days as well.
 
Please note that this is no disparagement on Blackstar, it isn't their fault that they are no longer able to get these tapes from their supplier. I personally wish to thank them for supplying them as long as they have, and I think we can safely assume that when their suppliers renew stock, so shall they.
 
 
3. 2001 AND A BIT
 
If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays. Those of you seeking radio & tv alerts between issues of the C&G should consider signing up for the Goodies-L mailing list (more details available on the club website), as our crack (cracked?!) team of reporters attempt to post alerts as the information becomes available.
 
GRAEME SPOTTINGS
 
* Graeme will be involved in the recording of a new pilot radio show for Radio 4 called "Beat the Kids".
"A brand new panel game for BBC Radio 4 devised by Andy Hamilton and Libby Asher. Putting a big grin on the face of anyone with experience of dealing with kids, or indeed of being a kid themselves. Chaired by Emma Freud, with Dr. Graeme Garden as the outrageously opinionated, resident parentologist.
The show is recorded on Friday 14th June (doors open: 7.15p.m) at the The Drill Hall, Chenies Street, London W1
Details are at http://www.bbc.co.uk/whatson/tickets/shows/kids.shtml  and tickets can be obtained from radio.ticket.unit@bbc.co.uk  or phoning 020 8576 1227 or writing to
BBC Audience Services, PO Box 300, BBC TV Centre, London W12 7RJ
(David Balston - Goodies-L - 24th May)
 
 
* The drama "The Student Prince" featuring Graeme originally shown on the BBC is repeated on the digital channel UK Drama on Wednesday 5th June at 9pm and again at 12.55am.
"A drama about a young police officer sent on a special assignment with the royal protection squad. His charge is a young British prince during his first year at university, and he soon finds his duties extending well beyond those of personal bodyguard."
It also stars Robson Green, Tara Fitzgerald, Rupert Penry-Jones, Stephen Moore and Richard Briers,
(David Balston - Goodies-L - 24th May)
 
 
BILL SPOTTINGS
 
Looks like UK Play are having a mini Bill session Thursday 6th/Friday 7thJune.
Thursday 6th June 11.45pm sees Bill's Shooting Stars edition shown with other guests Syd Little, Eddie Large and Leslie Ash.
Fun at the Funeral Parlour with Bill starring in the episode The Heron Incident. is showing on UK Play at Friday 7th June 9.50pm and again 1:45am Saturday morning.
(David Balston - Goodies-L - 27th May)
 
 
I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE
 
A new series of "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" begins on BBC Radio 4 on Monday, 20 May at 18:30. Each episode should be repeated at noon on the Sunday following the initial broadcast (though it's best to check the weekly listings since occasionally there is a time change for the repeats).
 
Those outside the UK can listen to the show via the internet. Go to Radio 4's home page (http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/ ) and click on the "Listen Live" button. You'll need Realplayer to hear the show, but this software can be downloaded for free. To determine when the show airs in your area you can use a time zone converter such as (http://www.timezoneconverter.com/cgi-bin/tzc.tzc) - remember that you're converting from London time.
 
Even better you don't even have to catch it live, listen to this and many other wonderful Radio 4 Programmes at http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/progs/listenagain.shtml any time you like during the following week.
(Lisa Manekofsky and David Balston - Goodies-L - 17th and 23rd May)
 
 
ISIHAC 10TH ANNIVERSARY ARTICLE
(by Lisa Manekofsky)
 
"I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" is currently in the middle of its 30th anniversary series. In honor of this milestone, we present an article from the 7-13 April 1984 issue of RadioTimes, in which Humphrey Lyttelton shared his thoughts about the show's first ten years. This is followed by the actual listing for the episode that aired that week.
 
ARTICLE:
"Searching for clues"
     (As Radio 4's inimitable panel game returns for its 11th series, Humphrey Lyttelton looks back over his ten years in the chair.)
 
I must have been looking the other way when, ten years ago, they rang from the BBC to say 'we're doing this pilot show...'
 
I had taken part in dozens of these dummy runs over the years and, since not one ever saw light of day, it seemed safe enough to say 'Yes' to this one. I gathered that they wanted me to be chairman of some kind of quiz game involving the cast of the comedy show "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again."   It did occur to me that this was a fairly blatant ruse on the part of that team to keep themselves in employment while their programme was off the air, and I couldn't see Them Upstairs falling for it.
 
The pilot show took place, involving Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Bill Oddie and Jo Kendall. In the pub afterwards, it was generally agreed that the dummy run stood a good chance of a one-off airing, providing it was put out at 6.00 am on Boxing Day. Two months later word came from above that the show was to go into a series on Radio 2.
 
Well, what has happened since? I know it wasn't long before I realised that I'd made a dreadful mistake. Being diverted by trumpet playing from the important things in life, I wasn't aware that "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again" had a cult following.
 
On the first show, the studio audience consisted of what I can only describe as a claque, predominantly juvenile and female, who booed loudly when I took my seat in the chair and bared their teeth whenever I awarded Tim anything less than maximum marks. It wasn't the sort of thing I was accustomed to, and I wrote to the producer tendering my resignation. As we now embark on the 11th series, I'm beginning to wonder if he got my letter.
 
A word about the teams. I learnt in my days as an acting lieutenant in the Army not to fraternise too closely with the troops. Regular listeners will have noticed the unscrupulous way that Tim Brooke-Taylor tries to curry favour and win more than his share of the much-coveted marks by referring to my record of yesteryear, 'Bad penny blues'. 
 
Barry Cryer has come to heel satisfactorily since I made it known to him that I have access to a cassette recording of him singing 'Won't you come home, Bill Bailey' with the Leeds University Jazz Band. Willie Rushton is no problem, though I regard it as bad manners to wear a hat in the house. There are ladies listening, after all. As for Graeme Garden, I'm still not sure whether that perpetual half-smile represents genuine amenability or what we used to call dumb insolence.
 
Highspots? Well, I would have to cite the pro-celebrity version of that popular game Mornington Crescent in which a distinguished knight of the English Theatre was to take part. In a brilliant move that took us all by surprise, Willie Rushton was able to cry 'Mornington Crescent' and clinch the game before our guest had a chance to participate. In the hubbub that ensued, I forgot to say who our celebrity was, and now I've forgotten. When the show went out, the BBC was inundated by an angry letter in which the writer assumed that the star who bore his defeat with such dignity - and in silence throughout -was Sir Alec Guinness. Surely not - I would have remembered him.
 
 PROGRAMME LISTING:
A new series of the antidote to panel games. 
Tim Brooke-Taylor and Willie Rushton lose to Barry Cryer and Graeme Garden. 
Chairman Humphrey Lyttelton
At the piano Colin Sell
This new series is recorded in super-wide track binaural Quad which is of wonderful quality, incredibly expensive and far too advanced for any listener's radio.
Producer Paul Mayhew-Archer
 
 
4. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY
(by Brett Allender)
 
SCATTY SAFARI
 
Series 5, Episode 6
First screened: 17th March 1975
 
PLOT
 
The Goodies conduct tours of their Star Safari Park, in which tourists can merrily click their cameras at wondrous creatures like Steptoe and Son, Liberace, Dick Emery and Monty Python's Gumbies. However Bill finds it all a bit too much hard work, especially after he feeds Oliver Reed (by heaving a bucket of slops into his stable) and throws a bucket of water at Little Jimmy Osmond to shut him up, as Graeme marches in and loudly complains "I'm knackered!" after he has performed the unenviable task of mucking out Basil Brush!
 
Bill is even more mortified when Tim takes a fancy supper to the park's number one attraction - Tony Blackburn, but all is not well as Tony is fading fast. Bill offers to eat Tony's supper for him while Graeme humanely fetches a rifle, but is stopped by Tim who can't pluck up enough courage to shoot Tony himself (then scares the hell out of the other two who have their ears covered awaiting the bang!), so they decide to release Tony, as he pines to be free.
 
Sadly his freedom doesn't last for long, as immediately after he runs across a meadow to the theme of 'Black Beauty', he is cruelly gunned down by a hunter (whose next intended scalp is Jimmy Young) and Tim sheds bucketfuls of tears, as the safari park isn't making any money without a big star. After various failed ideas for a new star, including an aborted plan to trap Max Bygraves (as they would drop off to sleep at his concert before capturing him!) and Bill's fixation with the tatty go-go dancer Doris Newbold, Graeme finally thinks of the perfect star attraction - Australian with glasses and a black beard - an all-round entertainer!
 
Bill and Tim have no idea who Graeme is talking about, but after a guessing game ("Ahh. Rolf Plaster Of Harris!") and a hilariously appalling attempt at an Aussie accent by Tim, they are off to the Australian outback to capture Rolf Harris as their new prize exhibit. Upon their return to England, they recreate the atmosphere of a hot Australian summer for Rolf with more coal on the fire, a tube of lager and Richie Benaud's autobiography. Graeme has also ordered the only other Rolf Harris in captivity from the Moscow Zoo and after a year's wait, the first baby Rolf Harris is bred in captivity. This brings millions of visitors to the star safari park, although hardly any of them ever see Little Rolf as Bill has nailed his feet to the floor of the kennel and is shamelessly selling all sorts of Little Rolf souvenirs before the bubble bursts.
 
Graeme enters the room in a mad panic and after they finally decipher his charades, the others discover that the Rolf Harrises and baby have escaped from the park after being let out by other exhibits (chiefly Des O'Connor), who were getting jealous of the lack of attention. Not only do the Rolfs move like greased lightning, they also breed at a similar rate, having once covered Australia before the white man exterminated them (as their beards made excellent lavatory brushes!). Within another short year, the Goodies are going mad from the constant drone of wobbleboards being played by the three hundred Rolf Harrises in their window box and the six million Rolfs that infest Britain are more of a nuisance than grey squirrels, as they even take over the BBC programming department.
 
This dire state of affairs brings an urgent proclaimation from a certain anonymous Queen who declares that whomsoever can rid her land of this plague of Rolf Harrises will win the hand of her eldest son in marriage or one thousand OBE's. Such a reward is enough to inspire the Goodies to dress as pied pipers and a chorus of didgeridoos playing 'Waltzing Matilda' is sufficient to bring the Rolfs tumbling by the dozens from babies prams, doorways, etc. And when they reach the other side (the ATV studio), a wondrous portal opens wide and the millions of Rolfs are never heard of again - all except one who is lame (Jake The Peg with his extra leg!). The anonymous Queen keeps her promise and the blushing bride Tim weds charming Prince Charles, with tearful attendants Graeme and Bill weighed down with OBE's in the background.
 
CLASSIC QUOTES
 
* Tim: "Go and give Raquel Welsh a rubdown, will you?"
Bill (grumbling): "Work, work, work, work, work!"
 
* Tim (feeding Tony Blackburn): "There's a good boy. Nice din-dins for Tonykins!"
Bill (scornfully): "Honestly! The way he talks to him, you'd think he was human!"
 
* Tim: "Stuff Tony Blackburn!"
Bill (excitedly): "That's an idea!"
Tim: "No, the visitors would notice."
Bill: "No they wouldn't. Hardly any difference!"
 
* Bill: "She dances topless!"
Tim: "Doris Newbold IS topless! On cabaret night they give you a pint of beer and a free magnifying glass!"
 
* Tim (reading about Rolf Harris from the Book of Stars): "Number of legs ... variable!"
 
* Bill: "Nah, not Australia. I mean, that's full of abos and dingoes and upside-down jokes."
Tim: "Shhh Bill, we must prepare for the trip. Look out half a dozen jumbucks, pack two, no three coolibahs in the tuckerbag. Graeme you'd better go and whack the diddle-o while I ... press a clean pair of billabongs. Now ... Awstrailya ... heeere we come!" (followed by Bill almost cracking up with laughter!)
 
* Tim (about the prediction of 25 million Rolf Harrises by Christmas): "That's exactly what Enoch (Powell) says. He's off to live in Jamaica!"
 
* Tim (about ridding the land of Rolf Harrises): "Say no more, Your Majesty. We shall do it!"
The Queen (on television): "Who are you?!"
Tim (proudly): "We're the Goodies!"
The Queen (scornfully): "Ohh! Gordon Bennett!!"
 
CLASSIC SCENES
 
* The tour of the Goodies Star Safari Park, with a bunch of tourists madly clicking cameras at the various exhibits, including Liberace being hunted down by David Frost and Michael Parkinson, Jimmy Saville swinging from the trees like Tarzan, Engelbert being felled with an axe, Danny La Rue as the bird of paradise, Graeme almost being thrown from the vehicle as it has to rapidly brake to avoid hitting a herd of wandering Gumbies and the black and white minstrels crawling all over the bonnet as Mary Poppins sinks slowly in the west.
 
* The crate containing Tony Blackburn being carefully unloaded from the roof of the vehicle (heaved onto the ground upside down!) and Tony running across the meadow to his freedom (to the tune of 'Black Beauty') and waving goodbye, before being brutally cut down with a shotgun blast from a hunter seeking Jimmy Young as his next target.
 
* Their visit to Australia, including convicts hobbling down the road in leg irons, the Goodies emerging from the 'Poms Outfitters' with tennis racquets and hats with dangling corks (and wine bottles as well in Bill's case), "fair dinkum" Aussie ladies in massive platform shoes who deck the Goodies with their handbags and 'wallabies wrestling in mud' at the Sydney Opera House; all backed with their brilliantly jaunty 'Waltzing Matilda' music.
 
* The pursuit of Rolf Harris in the remarkably lush 'Aussie outback', with the ute crashing into a tree and sending a shower of cranky koala bears onto Graeme, who later jumps out of the ute to apply a medical swab to Rolf's arm, leaps back into the ute again, then shoots him in the bum with a tranquilizer dart.
 
* Graeme's game of charades when too panic-stricken to tell the others that the Rolf Harrises have escaped - "Tie ... me ... kangaroo ... down ... tennis!"
 
* The entire 'Pied Piper' sequence, with the plague of Rolfs creating havoc everywhere, including spitting soup at a cook, laying an egg in a man's Sunday hat then breaking the egg on his head, fighting dogs and cats and painting the ladies' dresses black before being lured to 'the other side' (ATV studios) by the irresistable didgeridoo playing of the three lairily dressed pipers.
 
* The Goodies receiving their rewards from the anonymous Queen, with Tim in bridal gear lovingly cuddling up to Prince Charles (who was apparently keen to actually play this role himself until stuffier heads prevailed at Buckingham Palace) and Bill and Graeme decorated from top to toe in OBE medallions weeping tears of joy.
 
GUEST STARS
 
Tony Blackburn, Sheila Steafel, David Willmott
 
GOODIES SONGS
 
Waltzing Matilda (instrumental)
 
MY 2 CENTS WORTH
 
Great episode which gives the full Goodies treatment to Rolf Harris in particular, but also Australia in general (as only they could) with the backing of a great instrumental version of Waltzing Matilda. Top class comedy right through from the ridiculous concept of a safari park full of tv personalities to the clever 'Pied Piper of Hamlyn' sequence and Tim's royal marriage.
 
RATING
 
IIIII       Superstar
 
BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM:
 
IIIII - Superstar.
IIII - Officially amazing.
III   - Goody goody yum yum.
II    - Fair-y punkmother.
I     - Tripe on t' pikelets.
 
July Episode Summary – Kung Fu Kapers
 
 
5. GOODIES COR COMICS SYNOPSIS #7
(by Linda Kay)
 
Issue 142
17th February, 1973 No. 30
 
 
We have seen several occasions so far in these Cor!! reviews where the comics have touched upon subjects similar to ones The Goodies had utilized in their TV shows. In the comic we'll review this month the two main topics are ones The Goodies used themselves several times ... medical misadventures and busking (or as we call it in America, street performing).
 
The Goodies' skills as buskers are not called into question in this particular outing. In fact by every indication they're quite talented. Instead the comedy derives from the settings in which they decide to perform. Trying to find an appreciative audience amongst sick people is not quite the same as entertaining people on queue for a play or movie. And our heroes are destined to find this out the hard way!
 
Header: THE GOODIES MAKE A SONG AND DANCE ABOUT THINGS WHEN THEY GO BUSKING!
 
The Goodies are seen cycling past the Odium Cinema where a line of waiting patrons are listening to two buskers, one with a trumpet, the other with a set of drums set up in a one-man band fashion.
 
TIM: Look at those buskers entertaining the *queues* waiting to go into the cinema and the theatre!
 
They have now reached the front of a medical building with a large "SURGERY" sign above the plate glass window full of waiting patients. A smaller sign to the left shows the surgery's hours as being 9:00 to 9:15 - Monday thru Friday, while the list of Doctors below the window includes Dr. Kill, Dr. Orr and Dr. Curem (Kill or Cure 'em). Tim slams on the brakes, which results in the Goodies knocking their heads together painfully as the trandem screeches to a halt.
 
TIM: Stop! *We'll* entertain the queues waiting to see the *doctor*! They need cheering up!
 
SO ...
 
Inside the surgery Bill enters with a squeezebox and a large base drum and cymbals attached to his back. The patients seem too morose and grumpy to respond much to his entrance ... the screaming baby in the foreground doesn't even cease his squalling.
 
BILL: I say! I say ... what goes ninety-nine bonk? ... A centipede with a wooden leg! *Boom! Boom!*
 
Tim and Graeme have also entered, Tim juggling several balls and Graeme encouraging the still unenthusiastic crowd with a small "Clap" sign. They are clearly in violation (as is everyone else in the room) of a sign on the wall which reads "No Singing, No Dancing, No Coughing, No Sneezing, No Breathing, etc."
 
BILL: And now we proudly present the world's greatest juggler!
 
A small box in the upper left corner of the panel points to a door marked "Doctor" and states WHILE BEHIND THAT DOOR! then points to the next panel as well, where we see the Doctor Curem trying to listen to a burly patient's heart but hearing the sound of Bill's drum pounding from behind the door instead.
 
DOCTOR CUREM: *Cor!!* I say ... your jolly old ticker's working overtime!
 
The doctor speaks to his patient as he opens the door to the waiting room where Tim continues to juggle, oblivious to a sick man sitting nearby.
 
SICK MAN'S THOUGHT BALLOON: Hope that doc gives me something for my cold I'm ... going ... to ... sneeze ... aaaAAAH ...!
 
DOCTOR CUREM: We'll have to do something about your ticker ... !
 
The sick man sneezes violently (even knocking plaster from the walls and ceiling!), blowing the balls out of Tim's hands in a gale and into the room where Doctor Curem is tending to the burly patient.
 
DOCTOR CUREM: I want you to take these pills ... !
 
TIM: Me juggling balls! Who's blown 'em away?
 
The balls hurl toward to unsuspecting patient, who winds up catching one in the mouth.
 
DOCTOR CUREM: ... two after every meal ... !
 
The patient flees from the doctor's office, crying out and causing everyone in the waiting room to scramble for the exit, the Goodies included. The base drum and squeezebox are destroyed in the stampede. A patient even leaves his cast behind, while a cobweb-covered patient remains sleeping on the bench. Doctor Curem is left dejected in his office. A sign on the wall reads "Free Football Photos with Every Prescription."
 
BURLY PATIENT (with ball still lodged in his mouth): Look at the size of the pills that quack expects me to swallow! I suggest you try another doctor!
 
THE GOODIES DIDN'T GIVE UP ...
 
The Goodies are once again riding down the street and pass another surgery office. Tim points to it excitedly.
 
TIM: Here's another waiting room! Let's start cheering 'em up!
 
They enter the waiting room, Bill in front balancing a sword by its tip on his palm as the patients look on without much interest.
 
TIM: Hello, hello! You lucky people! Presenting the world's greatest *sword swallower*!
 
Bill begins swallowing the sword as Tim barks to the crowd and Graeme again tries to elicit enthusiasm with an "APPLAUSE" sign. None of them notice the door to the inner office is opening quite suddenly.
 
TIM: Down it goes! *Clap! Clap!*
 
BECKONING HAND FROM INSIDE OFFICE: First patient, please!
 
The hand grabs Bill roughly by the back of the neck and drags him back into the office, the handle of the sword sticking out of his mouth.
 
OWNER OF HAND: *Come on, man!* Don't dilly-dally! My time's valuable!
 
The door of the office slams shut and Bill finds himself in a rather unstable looking dentist's chair with the dentist literally straddling him, holding a menacing pair of pincer-extractors in his hand. A variety of instruments, from a hammer to a trowel next to a pile of wet cement, lay around the office.
 
DENTIST: Open your mouth ... *WOWIE*! What a whopping great bad tooth!
 
BILL'S THOUGHT BALLOON: *Cor!!* It's a dentist's surgery!
 
Bill is helpless as the dentist grapples the end of the sword with the pincers, swinging wildly around to the back of the chair and pulling every which way as the chair spins.
 
DENTIST: It'll ... have ... to ... come ... out!
 
At last the dentist stands triumphantly with the sword in his hand, shoving Bill aside roughly as he smiles proudly. Bill clutches his face painfully.
 
DENTIST: *SUCCESS!* Next please!
 
BILL: Oy, mates! I don't like this place! Let's go!
 
SO THEY CYCLED ON ...
 
Once again the Goodies approach the front window of a surgery. Bill must still be suffering from
his harrowing ordeal with the dentist as he's falling off the back of the trandem as Tim stops.
 
 
TIM: *STOP!* Here's another surgery! In we go!
 
Graeme rushes in first this time, dressed in a magician's outfit complete with top hat, cape and wand. Bill follows with a small table and Tim comes in right behind him. The waiting people sit unenthusiastically with various boxes and containers on their laps.
 
GRAEME: Greetings! It's your lucky day, folks!
 
Graeme sets his top hat (which he was apparently wearing over his cloth cap!) on the table and begins to perform, while Bill and Tim seem distracted by something else.
 
GRAEME: I, *MARVO THE MAGICIAN*, will produce a rabbit from my hat!
 
BILL: Er! Hold it a moment .. !
 
But Graeme is already finishing his trick, holding up a stunned rabbit and a goldfish bowl he's pulled from the hat and showing it to his audience, which is suddenly made up of countless dogs who leap from the boxes, obviously agitated by the sight of the rabbit.
 
BILL: ... it's not a doctor's surgery! It's a *VETS*!
 
GRAEME: And a bowl of goldfish!
 
The scene becomes complete chaos as the rabbit bolts for the door, followed by dogs, cats, a snake, a mouse (running the other direction), a monkey, parrots, and a large wildcat. In the corner is a crocodile with an apparent toothache. Two cats lunge for the fish in the bowl in Graeme's hands, while the stampede of animals throws Tim off his feet and runs right over Bill who is on the floor.
 
PET OWNER: Come back, Rover! *HEEL! HEEL!*
 
LATER ... BACK AT DOC CUREM'S ...
 
The doctor is relishing his chance at revenge for having had all his patient's chased away, and is finishing wrapping Bill completely in bandages, which he has already done to Tim and Graeme.
 
GRAEME: Hey, Doc! We only wanted first aid for a few minor scratches .. !
 
DOCTOR CUREM: Maybe so, but this'll keep you from causing *MORE* trouble!
 
Sign-Off Line: HUMOUR HITS THE HIGH NOTE AGAIN WHEN THE GOODIES RETURN
NEXT WEEK!
 
RATING (using the BLACK PUDDING RATING SYSTEM):
 
III - Goody goody yum yum.
 
A cute idea which builds upon itself and provides an ending that ties up everything nicely (including The Goodies themselves), this is a really fun entry. There might have been more comic possibilities if the performances of The Goodies had been poor or annoying, or if there had been more interaction between them and the hapless patients stuck watching them. But on the whole this works quite well and provides some good laughs although it's not uproariously funny.
 
Oddly enough a second header appears on the second page of the comic which reads: BILL, TIM AND GRAEME GET A TASTE OF THEIR OWN MEDICINE. It's hard to know which header was meant for actual print, as we assume the second header has to be a mistake since it is completely out of place where it is.
 
This is another detailed piece with several cute jokes thrown in as fillers and much to look at. The art is very good and the characters are rendered with a lot of motion which breathes life into the panels. It must have been obvious to the editors of Cor!! by this time that they had hit upon a good idea to adapt these characters to their comic pages.
 
To view these strips online, you can now visit this page: http://members.aol.com/corcomics
 
We'll post the currently reviewed issue plus the two previous issues for latecomers.
 
 
6. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
 
(a) Graeme Garden
(b) Supernun (alias Tim)
(c) U-friend or UFO
(d) Because according to Graeme, women always sprain their ankles on explorations.
(e) It is made of canvas
(f) A sheep
(g) Nuts
(h) Human clear soup
 
YOUR SCORE:
8              Mastermind of the Year
7              Goodies Fan supreme
5-6          Clever clogs
3-4          Reasonably Goodie
1-2          Thick as old boots
0              Rolf Harris!
 
 
NEXT C&G EDITION: #79: - 12th July 2002.
 
 
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