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C&G 98 Feb 2004
#98 Feb 2004 - Print Email PDF 
Posted by bretta 07/12/2006

Index

» #98 Feb 2004

 
THE GOODIES CLARION AND GLOBE
 
THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK' FAN CLUB
.
Issue No. 98                      12th February 2004
 
 
TO UNSUBSCRIBE:
E-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> with UNSUBSCRIBE in the body of your message. If you are using multiple or forwarded e-mail addresses, please specify the e-mail address which you originally used when subscribing, otherwise we may not be able to remove you from the mailing list.
 
TO OBTAIN THIS NEWSLETTER IN E-MAIL TEXT FORM:
E-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> requesting transfer to the E-mail mailing list.
 
 
CLUB WEBSITE
 
 
E-MAIL ADDRESSES
 
Newsletter enquiries: clarion@goodiesruleok.com
General enquiries: enquiries@goodiesruleok.com
 
POSTAL ADDRESS
 
'The Goodies Rule - OK!'
P.O. Box 325
Chadstone VIC 3148, AUSTRALIA
 
THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G
 
EDITOR
- Brett Allender
 
ACE REPORTERS:
- Lisa Manekofsky
- David Piper-Balston
 
COOL COR COMIC REVIEWER:
- Linda Kay
 
FAB FEATURE ARTICLE CONTRIBUTOR:
- Lisa Manekofsky
 
C&G CONTRIBUTORS: Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Roy Ellaby, Peter Wearden, Marf Shopmyer
  
CONTENTS
 
1. QUIZ & QUOTE - Goodies brainteasers for you and you and you
2. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.
3. 2001 AND A BIT - Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.
4. FEATURE ARTICLE - John Pertwee's Goodies appearance
5. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY - Punky Business
6. GOODIES COR!! COMICS SYNOPSIS #26
7. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
 
 
1. QUIZ & QUOTE
(by "Magnus Magnesium")
 
QUOTE: "Number of legs ...variable!"
(a) Which Goodie says this quote?
(b) Who is he referring to?
(c) Which episode is this quote from?
 
QUIZ: This month's questions are from the episode: "Hunting Pink"
(d) What costume is Tim wearing when he visits his great-uncle?
(e) What is the name of his great-uncle's country mansion?
(f) Which Goodies song is used as backing music where great-uncle Butcher is having trouble riding his horse?
(g) What does he eventually end up riding when he successfully shoots a rabbit?
(h) What happens to great-uncle Butcher immediately after this?
 
The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.
 
  
2. SPOTTED!!!
 
More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the Goodies recently, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! The Goodies this month:
 
THE DANGERS OF ECKYTHUMP
(from information contributed by Peter Wearden and Marf Shopmyer)
 
Found a mention of the Goodies on snopes.com (Urban Legends website) talking about people laughing to death.
 
Legend: People have died laughing.
Origins: In recent decades, laughter has been touted as a possible cure for many ills, including cancer and heart trouble. But could mirth also be deadly, making the phrase "I just about died laughing" as much about accuracy as it is hyperbole?
 
"On 24 March 1975, 50-year-old bricklayer Alex Mitchell of King's Lynn in Norfolk, England, kicked the bucket while roaring with laughter at one of his favorite television shows, the comedy programme The Goodies. The skit that precipitated Mitchell's fatal fit of glee involved a kilted Scotsman's flailing away with his bagpipe at a vicious black pudding intent upon attacking him. Mitchell was unable to stop laughing, and after twenty-five minutes of uproar gave one last "tremendous belly laugh, slumped on the settee, and died," said his widow, who witnessed his passing. Mr. Mitchell had expired from heart failure. " http://www.snopes.com/horrors/freakish/laughing.asp
 
 
SECOND GOODIES DVD UPDATE
(David Piper-Balston - Goodies-l - January 28th)
 
Network have very kindly updated us with the situation regarding 'The Goodies' DVD releases.
Preparations are well under way for the follow up DVD to be released in September, though as always the dates are subject to change. Only 'Pirate Radio Goodies' has been confirmed so far but a shortlist has been drawn up from which 16 episodes will be chosen to form volumes 2 and 3.
It is hoped that clips from 'The Cilla Black Show' will be included as extras and possibly some music appearances from other shows such as Shang-a-lang!.
In addition to these BBC episodes there are also plans to release the entire London Weekend Television series as a special DVD.
I hope all at Network get an OBE for bringing us these wonderful discs.
 
 
GOODIES GRANDKIDS
(with thanks to Tim Brooke-Taylor and Graeme Garden)
 
Ben Brooke-Taylor and his wife Sam are the proud new parents of Lily, who was born on October 9th at 7lb 12oz. Ben has designed a website full of baby photos and even some video clips: www.brooketaylor.co.uk . Tim said he is very proud of his Christmas picture with little granddaughter Lily (which can currently be found in the "new photos" section of the site).
 
Graeme's daughter Sally is the proud new mother of Madeleine Ella Kirk, who was born at 19:14 on January 20th 2004, weighting in at 7lb 13oz. According to Graeme, "Baby, mother, father and grandparents are all doing well!"
 
Also, our best wishes to Graeme who will be celebrating his 61st birthday on February 18th.
 
 
BILL'S DOING HIS BEST
(David Piper-Balston - Goodies-l - February 3rd))
 
A couple of stories have appeared about Bill remarking on the lack of Goodies repeats on the BBC!
 
 
Bill Oddie says BBC won't show The Goodies
Bill Oddie says he's bewildered why the BBC refuses to screen repeats of The Goodies.
The 62-year-old co-starred with Graeme Garden and Tim Brooke-Taylor in the hit 1970s comedy.
He told TV Plus: "For some reason best known to themselves, the BBC has never ever repeated a full series of The Goodies and they show no sign of doing so.
"The men at the top have always said it would be deeply unpopular today, but that is not the feedback that I get."
Fans of The Goodies can watch their favourites on DVDs which went on sale last year.
Oddie said: "Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor and I had a great time last year when The Goodies was released on DVD for the first time.
"It wasn't by the BBC, but by a private company which got the rights to about seven episodes, and re-released them. They're about to do the same thing this year, which will be fun."
BBC chiefs have admitted that there are "no immediate plans" to repeat the series, despite Oddie's call for it to be shown again.
A spokeswoman said: "It's not in the schedule for the next few weeks but it doesn't mean that it will never be repeated."
Oldie but Goodies
Phil Kemp
 
Bring back the Oddie bods
Bird-watching beard Bill Oddie has been having a beef at the Beeb over his ignored comedy classic, The Goodies.
The madcap Seventies series, which gave viewers such surreal gems as Kitten Kong, Ecky Thump and Rolf Harris-hunting in the Australian bush (well, Shepherd's Bush, probably), has never been fully repeated on its native BBC.
And last year, Oddie and his Goodies co-stars Tim Brooke-Taylor and Graeme Garden were forced to release a compilation of the show on DVD through a private company instead of the dear old BBC.
The twitchy twitcher moaned in a magazine interview: "For some reason best known to themselves, the BBC has never ever repeated a full series of The Goodies and they show no sign of doing so.
"The men at the top have always said it would be deeply unpopular today, but that is not the feedback that I get."
The campaign to restore Black Pudding Bertha into the popular imagination starts here.
 
 
TOP OF THE POPS AGAIN
(David Piper-Balston - Goodies-l - February 8th)
 
A Top of the Pops performance featuring 'The Goodies' will be featured in 'Phill Jupitus's TOTP2' on BBC 2 Friday 20th February 2004 6:25pm to 6:45pm.
"Phill Jupitus joins Steve Wright to pick from the Top of the Pops archive. In this edition, music from the Specials, the Style Council, Jay-Z, Manic Street Preachers, the Undertones and the Goodies."
 
 
3. 2001 AND A BIT
 
If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays. Those of you seeking radio & tv alerts between issues of the C&G should consider signing up for the Goodies-L mailing list (more details available on the club website),as our crack (cracked?!) team of reporters attempt to post alerts as the information becomes available.
 
BILL SPOTTINGS
 
* In addition to the show scheduled for this Friday (16th Jan) on BBC1 at 2:15am, another repeat of "Bill Oddie's History Hunters" has been scheduled for NEXT Friday (23rd Jan) from 01:55 to 02:55 on BBC 1 (perhaps this is going to be a weekly late night feature?)
The show on 23rd Jan. is the one from Edinburgh. Here's a listing: "Historical tours with Bill Oddie. The family team of history hunters try to track down one of Edinburgh's famous sons or daughters, also taking time out to look at the city's history including witchcraft, spiritualism and body snatching."
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - January 15th)
 
 
* According to Digiguide, "Secret Squirrels" has been moved to Sunday 1st Feb. at 17:40 on BBC1. Also, another repeated episode of"Bill Oddie's History Hunters" is coming up on Fri, 30th Jan at 2:10am on BBC1 as well.
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - January 21st)
 
 
* A new show, "Natural World" has been scheduled for Sunday, 1st Feb from 18:20-19:10 on BBC2. Here's the listing for this show: "The Eagle Has Landed. Bill Oddie narrates a look at the successes of a few dedicated people who have brought ospreys, red kites and sea eagles back from the brink of extinction."
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - January 21st)
 
 
Hopes for the future of South End Green Post Office were boosted after the branch's temporary managers were awarded a permanent tenancy by their
landlord. The Ham&High understands that Ken and Daksha Kukadia, who were brought in to run the sub-post office on South End Road in December after the previous sub-post master was dismissed, can stay on. However, mail bosses refused to confirm whether the agreement, which is between the Kukadias and the building's landlord, would help campaigners' case for keeping the branch open.
 
The news comes just days after scores of protesters marched to save the branch, which has been earmarked for closure along with three other local sub-post offices, under the Post Office's cost-cutting cull of 3,000 branches nationwide. Actress Janet Suzman, of Keats Grove, and birdwatcher Bill Oddie joined pensioners and local traders waving Ham&High banners. Setting off from the branch at noon on Saturday, they walked up Keats Grove onto Downshire Hill and onto Rosslyn Hill, finishing at Hampstead's main post office in Hampstead High Street. The walk symbolised the inconvenient hike that customers of the South End Road branch will face if the branch closes.
 
Mr Oddie, of (address withheld - Ed.), Hampstead, said: "South End Green is my local post office. It is not really someone like me who will suffer the most from its closure. As much as I'm getting on, I can get up to Hampstead but it is one hell of a walk. It is a steep hill and about an hour's journey there and back and a difficult one at that. Camden council makes a point of building boulevards, which are an absolute nonsense - just digging up pavements - when they should be spending it on the post offices. We have already lost a bank in South End Green. A lot of people work around here and need a post office and bank. "The way we are going we won't have either. It is a sad comment on Britain." (David Piper-Balston - Goodies-l - January 30th)
 
 
* Bill Oddie's History Hunters
Friday 6th February on BBC 1
02:30 to 03:30
"Jersey: Historical tours with Bill Oddie. The family team of history hunters try to track down one of Jersey's famous sons or daughters, also taking time to look at the island's history, including the Nazi occupation during the Second World War."
Friday 13th February on BBC 1
02:00 to 03:00
"Glasgow: Historical tours with Bill Oddie. The family team of history hunters try to track down one of Glasgow's famous sons or daughters, also taking time to look at the history of the Clyde, find out the truth about Scottish myths and take a gory view of Victorian medicine."
Saturday 14th February on BBC 2
13:15 to 14:15
(no description available)
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - February 3rd)
 
 
GRAEME & TIM SPOTTINGS
 
* I've just watched the second programme in BBC TV's Best Ever Sitcom.
The top ten are shown in a random order, over the course of ten weeks,and various "celebs" try and chivvy you into voting "their" sitcom as the best.
This weeks offering was Fawlty Towers.
Tim featured as one of the "Talking Heads" singing its praises.
Amazingly, The Goodies didn't even feature in the initial Top 100!! Scandalous!
(Roy Ellaby)
 
 
* Tim and Graeme have just appeared on Channel 4's Richard and Judy" (5pm Friday 30th January) talking about 'The Goodies' and "Beat the Nation".
A montage of Goodies clips were shown at the start of the interview and a clip of 'Kung Fu Kapers' was shown during the interview where they explained that a man dies laughing at that episode.
In a clip of "Beat the Nation" the guest was non other than Nicholas Parsons and the interview ended with Tim and Bill revealing they have both just become grandfathers. (David Piper-Balston - Goodies-l - January 30th)
 
 
* The first series of "Giles Wemmbley Hogg" is being repeated on BBC7 starting tomorrow (Thursday, Feb. 13th). I believe the show will air weekly on Thursdays at 23:00, with the same episode repeated a few hours later at 4:30 Friday morning. It can be heard on-line at www.bbc.co.uk/bbc7.
Graeme Garden contributed to the scripts for this show.
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - February 11th)
 
 
I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE
 
* This has been announced on the I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Announce Mailing list http://www.topica.com/lists/isihac-announce
 
The final recording of the next series of the Hamish and Dougal series, You'll Have Had Your Tea, has now been announced. Once again the recording is in London and the tickets will most likely move very fast.
GET YOUR FREE TICKETS
to witness for yourselves the further exploits of Hamish & Dougal in the final recording of the second series of their hilarious Radio 4 comedy "You'll Have Had Your Tea" starring Barry Cryer and Graeme Garden with Alison Steadman as their housekeeper Mrs Naughtie & Jeremy Hardy as the local Laird
Fans of their many appearances in Radio 4's "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue", will be thrilled to hear that Hamish and Dougal, those delightfully eccentric and frequently misunderstood Scotsmen, are to make a second series of their own radio vehicle.
For a rollicking laughter-fest and more jokes than you can shake a stick at come to The Cochrane Theatre, Southampton Row, London WC1B 4AP (nearest tube: Holborn) on Sunday 29th February. Doors open 7.15pm - Show starts 7.30pm
 
To claim your free tickets - simply telephone the BBC Ticket Unit on 020 8576 1227 or email radio.ticket.unit@bbc.co.uk or apply online at www.bbc.co.uk/tickets/  (David Piper-Balston - Goodies-l - February 11th)
 
 
* I've just spotted the first listing for the new series of "You'll Have Had Your Tea" - it's scheduled for 25 February from 23:15-23:30 on BBC Radio 4.
Here's the listing: "Comedy series featuring Barry Cryer and Graeme Garden playing their two popular characters from I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue. 1: The Vampire of the Glen." (Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - February 11th)
 
 
4. FEATURE ARTICLE
 
JOHN PERTWEE'S GOODIES APPEARANCE
(contributed by Lisa Manekofsky)
 
In 1975 Jon Pertwee (best known from his role in Doctor Who) appeared as a guest actor in the Goodies episode "Wacky Wales". The following article appeared in the Jon Pertwee Fan Club Newsletter, Summer 1975 Number 4.
 
"The Facts Behind The Goodies"
 
The people who make "The Goodies" have come to accept frantic production schedules as a way of life. There is constant pressure upon them to do a great deal in precious little time. In fact this trend is a true reflection of nearly all television production techniques. However, many have come to believe that "The Goodies'" best work has developed under pressure. This is certainly true of the programme in their last season, in which they ventured into "Welsh Wales", the land of forbidden fruit.  There they faced the Reverend Llewelyn Llewelyn Llewelyn, a dubious member of the clergy with bulging eyes and a cawing voice, played of course by Jon Pertwee.
 
One of the most striking things about Jon's characterisation was his bizarre and even frightening appearance. "Actually the make-up was perfectly straightforward." said the make-up department. "A white face, a black wig well greased to look lank, and red-rimmed eyes. No attempt was made to disguise the fact that this was Jon Pertwee, as such an effort would be pretty pointless in a show like "the Goodies".
 
Jon fitted very well in the Goodies' type of comedy. Jon has always been a fan. "I thoroughly enjoyed working with Graeme, Tim and Bill. Their kind of zany humour appeals to me. Their 1975 entry for the Montreux Festival, all about old films, was superbly funny." Indeed the Goodies were awarded the Silver Rose of Montreux for that programme. The same award they received for their 1972 entry which featured the gigantic kitten which went on the rampage in the streets of London.
 
"It usually takes about two weeks to write an episode of "The Goodies"." said producer Jim Franklin. "The film element of each episode takes about 3 1/2 to 4 days to film, and then the studio bits usually require 4 days in the rehearsal rooms, and a full day in the studios to rehearse with cameras. This all culminates in the recording of the episode which usually takes an hour and a half. We all work at a frantic pace, particularly between the writing and recording stage. Our schedules are tight. For instance, show number five about the Goodies in Wales was recorded on Friday, 7th March and transmitted on the following Monday."
 
"Jon Pertwee was chosen for the part of the Welsh vicar because of his obvious comedy talents, and also because Tim, Graeme and Bill had always wanted to set him into one of the shows in a suitable part. They had Jon in mind when they wrote the show."
 
"The Goodies" is rarely hysterically funny. But it's always very entertaining in a visual sense, and although from the same stable, its humour is not so brutal as "Monty Python". Nevertheless "The Goodies" has cultivated an enormous following since it began in November 1970.
 
Tim Brooke-Taylor spoke to us about working with Jon: "The Welsh episode in which Jon featured was one of our happiest - its success is for the audience to decide, but one thing we can be certain of was Jon's performance. It wasn't what we'd hoped for - it was more. When this ghastly apparition with long dark hair exploded onto the set, we all wanted to run away."
 
"There was a moment in the show when we all had to echo what Jon was saying. It was one of the most painful experiences of our lives. We never knew what intonation he was going to use, and we knew we mustn't be seen to laugh. When he started on his gobbledegook, which we had to copy, I failed dismally and if you look closely at the recording you can see my shoulders shaking with laughter. I have always been a fan, but the real Jon as a performer exceeded my very high expectations."
 
"I hope very much that I will work with him again, whether in or out of "The Goodies". (I really hate him for winning the 'who can make who laugh' competition.)"
 
Tim Brooke-Taylor says in a P.P.S: "Ask Jon why he wouldn't look me straight in the eye in the pub scene, and why he seemed so interested in the floor." Grinning broadly, Jon answered: "The reason why was because they deliberately wrote me the most complicated lot of lines to speak, and as soon as I got them wrong, they all grumbled so I said to them, 'Now listen gentlemen, I am an actor. You are just part-time amateurs, and I don't operate like this. I like to have cues and I like to say my lines properly.' So then they said "Well you don't seem to be saying these lines properly', and then I told them I'd write them on the floor. So I wrote them in chalk on the floor behind Tim. But when I came on Tim deliberately moved so that you could see me reading off the floor. We had tremendous fun doing that scene and we all got on extremely well together."
 
Jon's episode of "The Goodies" can be seen later this year on BBC1 in the current series of repeats.
 
  
5. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY
(by Brett Allender)
 
PUNKY BUSINESS
 
Series 7, Episode 4
First screened: 29th November 1977
 
PLOT
 
The Goodies have formed a squeaky clean rock band called the 'Little Laddies' and proudly extoll the virtues of wearing nice clean shiny shoes in an equally sparkling live performance. However their audience of punk leather jacketed grannies take offence to all of this niceness and pelt them with a barrage of fairy cakes. Bill is dismayed at this negative reaction and launches a bitchy verbal attack on Tim before he declares that if trends such as shiny shoes and cleanliness are out of fashion, it's important to find out what is now considered 'in' by going out "on the road" - literally - in the middle of a busy expressway!
 
The ultra-cool looking Little Laddies are engulfed in exhaust smog and Graeme has his drums smashed by an errant motorcycle, but they are soon rounded up by a patrol of dancing cops who engage them for various police social functions and like the Shiny Shoes routine (mainly because "they've all got socking great feet", according to Bill). However Bill is very disillusioned about being stuck playing police gigs and wants to go punk, as he initially changes the group's name to 'Willie Snot and the Bogies' (while Graeme also chooses a universally objectionable name - Vanessa Redgrave!) and then ensures that the group can express the frustration of modern youth about unemployment by firing Tim and Graeme.
 
Tim is fed up with the newspapers being saturated with stories about the rapidly growing punk phenomenon and switches on the tv, only to receive an obscenity-ridden news bulletin which details his own fruitless crusade to "Keep Britain's Shoes Shiny" that merely raises the ire of punk politicians and police. His appearance on a current affairs program ends with him being attacked by the punk host for "being nice", so he decides to speak to the one person who might be able to explain punk to him - Caroline Kook of the Melody Maker magazine, who is an authority on writing about punk and other trends.
 
Tim dons a dinner suit and meets Caroline at a charming Italian restaurant only to find that it has gone punk since he was last there (at lunchtime!), with the waiter none other than Graeme, who has sunk to punk in a big way. After a disgusting meal and even more despicable service, Tim strongly objects to punk only to be put back in his box by Caroline (who is making a lot of loot out of writing about it), then asks her to marry him and accompany him to the Trendsetters Ball next Tuesday. Naturally she scornfully rejects his offers, so Tim resorts to a desperate visit to the St.Punks Hospital Freakology Department only to find that Graeme has become a punk doctor and has pierced Bill's ears with a giant safety pin (in one ear and out the other!).
 
Bill forces Tim to stay at home and do the housework on the night of the Trendsetters Ball (as Tim is considered "too pretty" to go), but after he flattens a "cheeky bloody mouse" with a broom, Tim is rescued by Dr Graybungles (his Fairy Punkmother), who turns him into Punkarella the freak by chopping his leg off and adorns his head with a huge pumpkin that has rats and lizards dangling from it. Meanwhile following a series of bizarre acts at the ball, Willy Snot (dressed in a tuxedo for extra shock value to the punk audience) lays it on 'em with an epic torture routine to the tune of 'I'm In Love For The Very First Time' and is the hot favourite to win the title of 'Officially Amazing'.
 
However he is upstaged by the arrival of the mysterious stranger Punkarella, who instantly captures the attention of Caroline Kook for a dance. The clock strikes midnight though, which causes Punkarella to flee, as Tim has been previously warned by Graeme that the clip holding his leg on is a bit dodgy, but as he runs up the stairs, his leg falls off and he hops away into the night, much to Caroline's dismay.
 
A couple of days later, Tim hops around doing the housework for a foul-mouthed Bill who notices that a proclaimation has been issued in the newspaper. The judges at the Trendsetters Ball are eager to establish the identity of Punkarella and their only clue is the leg that was left behind. Flunkies are travelling around the country with the leg and whoever it fits can have the hand of Caroline Kook in marriage and be deemed 'Officially Amazing'. This leads scores of desperate punks to chop their own legs off in a futile (and painful!) bid to win the prize, however the flunkies eventually find the right house and the rightful owner of the leg (after a distraction from pirate Bill and his one legged parrot!) and Tim finally wins the hand of Caroline Kook in marriage - and Graeme and Bill get to divide up the rest of her!
 
CLASSIC QUOTES
 
* The Little Laddies (singing 'Shiny Shoes' - the full lyrics are listed at the end of the summary):
"See them sparkle, see them shine. Nice clean shoes means nice clean minds!"
 
* Tim (to Bill): "Listen, you poor man's Muppet!"
 
* Bill: "I am gonna go punk!"
Graeme: "Do you mind if I open a window?!"
 
* Bill: "And the group will be Willy Snot and the Bogies."
Graeme: "Ah yes, that'll get right up their noses!"
 
* Tim (at the punk restaurant): "Oh this is alright. This is okay. Ratatouille."
Graeme (as a punk waiter): "No you can't have that. We've run out of rats!"
Tim (horrified): "WHAT!!"
 
* Tim: "Really little mouse? You really think I look like an ugly old cow?! Really? I'm so ugly that when I come into the room, you mice jump onto a chair! Really? I'm the ugliest thing you've ever seen in the whole ... the whole of your life?! CHEEKY BLOODY MOUSE!! (whacks it angrily with his broom!)
 
* Dr. Graybungles (to Tim, who is wanting to be turned into a freak): "Don't worry, I'm a very fast worker, Squire. We'll have you sorted out in two shakes of a lamb's whatsit. Matter of fact, I could give you a lamb's whatsit!"
 
* Tim: "What am I gonna do with just one leg?!"
Dr. Graybungles: "I should go to the hop!"
 
CLASSIC SCENES
 
* The Little Laddies T, G and B performing their utterly contagious 'Shiny Shoes' routine in incredibly tasteless 70's suits and enormous black shoes for an audience of leather jacketed, motorcycle helmet-wearing grannies, who show their immense hatred of the performance by pelting the lads with fairy cakes.
 
* Tim's lone campaign to 'Keep Britain's Shoes Shiny' which draws the wrath of a tv newsreader, politicians and the police force who have all turned punk, along with a ferocious-looking Patrick Moore who makes rude gestures to the camera on 'The Stars At Night' and also Bill Grumpy, who violently objects to Tim "being nice" when interviewed on his tv show.
 
* Tim meeting Caroline Kook for a charming evening out at a restaurant, only to find that it has gone punk since he was last there (at lunchtime!), with Graeme (of all people) as the punk waiter offering awful service, including taking Tim's coat and using it to wipe the muck off the table before throwing it back at him, rescuing the chef's ear from Tim's chair (it hadn't gone into the Chicken Surprise after all!), snotting on the crumpled menu before handing it over, dumping a bucket of spaghetti on Tim's head followed shortly after by a bucket of sauce (after he has gently scooped a spoonful of sauce onto Caroline's plate!) and finally, shoving the bill in Caroline's cleavage for good measure!
 
* The contest for the title of 'Officially Amazing' at the Trendsetters Ball, with Frank Thornton superbly presenting an array of weirdos like the Archbishop of Canterbury (who knocks his transplanted block of stone head off in protest), Mr Nat Not Very Nice (who stuffs a live ferret down the front of his trousers) and Mr Willy Snot (aka Bill, who deeply shocks the assembled punk gathering by appearing in a tuxedo!) who are all being judged by a panel of experts including Caroline Kook and a blindfolded John Peel!
 
* Willy Snot protesting about issues as diverse as unemployment, secondary education and the hunting of dwarf gibbons in Sumatra by terribly torturing himself to the tune of 'I'm In Love For The Very First Time' with the help of plates, bricks, mallets, rakes, weights, giant pliers (recreating the Nutcracker Suite!), sandbags, bowling balls, a hangman's noose etc before finally hammering himself through the floor and exploding spectacularly, only to be upstaged by the mysterious entry of Punkarella before the judges can give him a score.
 
* Punkarella fleeing the dance up a sweeping staircase as the clock strikes midnight, but not just leaving behind a lousy glass slipper, rather an entire leg!
 
* The final scene with Tim receiving the hand of the delectable Caroline Kook in marriage, with Graeme getting her upper body and Bill running away triumphantly hoisting her legs into the air!
 
GUEST STARS
 
Jane Asher, Frank Thornton, Michael Barratt, Patrick Moore, Ronnie Brody, Roland Macleod, Vicki Michelle, Selina Ingram, James Muir, Norman Bacon, Barney Carroll, Eddie Davis, Ernie Goodyear
 
GOODIES SONGS
 
Shiny Shoes
On The Road
I'm In Love For The Very First Time
 
MY 2 CENTS WORTH
 
A great parody of the punk fashion phenomenon sweeping Britain at the time, also incorporating a classic sendup of Cinderella and two of the very best Goodies musical video clips in 'Shiny Shoes' and 'I'm In Love For The Very First Time'. Even better than being declared 'Officially Amazing'!
 
RATING
 
IIIII     Superstar
 
BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM:
 
IIIII - Superstar.
IIII - Officially amazing.
III   - Goody goody yum yum.
II    - Fair-y punkmother.
I     - Tripe on t' pikelets.
 
SHINY SHOES
 
I'm B ... I'm G ... I'm T. We're nice boys!
 
If you want to know how to judge a guy
Don't look at his shirt, don't look at his tie
If you really want to know him ... (hmm)
Look at his shoes ... sh-shiny shoes!
 
Don't trust that collar, don't believe that cuff
Smart suspenders is not enough
If you really want to know him ... (hmm)
Look at his shoes ... sh-shiny shoes!
 
The devil has the smartest shoes, that's what they say
But cop a look at those daisy roots
Oh gawd blimey, what a giveaway!
 
Shiny shoes show we care, always welcome anywhere
See them sparkle, see them shine
Nice clean shoes means nice clean minds
If you really want to know us ... (hmm)
Look at our shoes ... shoes ... shoes!
 
Sh-shiny shoes, sh-shiny shoes, sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh- shiny shoes!
Sh-shiny shoes, sh-shiny shoes, sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh- shiny shoes!
 
Sh-sh-sh-sh-shiny shoes, sh-sh-sh-sh-shiny shoes
Gimme those, gimme those, gimme those shoes!
 
Sh-sh-sh-sh-shiny shoes, sh-sh-sh-sh-shiny shoes
Gimme those, gimme those, gimme those shoes!
 
March Episode Summary – Royal Command
 
 
5. GOODIES COR COMICS SYNOPSIS #26
(by Linda Kay)
 
Issue 161
June 30, 1973 No. 49
 
The summer months in Britain traditionally bring an influx of vacationers to the seashore. Since Cor!! scheduled their comics to reflect the seasons, The Goodies would see plots revolving around the seaside several times during the summer months of its year-long run. In this outing the plot revolves around the holiday seashore, although the locale quickly changes to a more original setting, that of an airport.
 
Header: THE GOODIES RESORT TO TRICK TACTICS TO BRING HOLIDAYMAKERS BACK TO BRITAIN!
 
The Goodies are riding their trandem along a cozy but abandoned seaside town named Winklesea. They're dressed in summery beach garb.
 
BILL: 'S funny, it's the height of the holiday season yet the whole town of Winklesea's closed down!
 
GRAEME: You're right! There doesn't appear to be anyone here!
 
TIM: Yes there is! Look over there, on the end of the pier!
 
The Goodies approach a grizzled old fisherman who is fishing off the end of the pier (with a fair amount of flies buzzing around his head).
 
FISHERMAN: Nobody comes here anymore! They've all gone abroad for their holidays! You're our first visitors here this year!
 
TIM: Well it was *fun* when my nannie used to bring me here! Lost of rock, fish 'n' chips, and ginger pop!
 
Bill cries into a handkerchief as the Goodies discuss this turn of events.
 
BILL: Those were the good old days - before everyone zoomed off in aeroplanes! Pity we can't have them back again!
 
TIM: We just can't stand by and let the traditional British summer holiday fade away!
 
GRAEME: Then it's up to us to bring the holiday makers back again!
 
The Goodies ride off on their trandem.
 
BILL: Can't we stop for just a *paddle*?
 
GRAEME: Not until we've got some *holiday makers*! Where's the nearest airport?
 
TIM: What are we going to do? Hi-jack a plane?
 
Arriving at the Winklesea Airport the Goodies spot a dilapidated airplane sitting in a field.
 
GRAEME: Look ... there's the very plane to transport holiday makers to Winklesea!
 
BILL: Are you kidding? That old thing hasn't got any wings or engines!
 
IN THE AIRPORT LOUNGE ...
 
Graeme eyes some sunglasses in a nearby kiosk selling "Duty Free Goodies."
 
GRAEME: H'mmm ... I see a way of keeping the trippers in the *dark* as to what they're flying in!
 
Graeme buys up all the pairs of sunglasses and the Goodies beat a hasty retreat, leaving a traveller in the lurch at the kiosk while they dart through a door marked "Air Crews Only" (they throw the doors open so quickly a pilot gets smashed behind one door!).
 
FEMALE CLERK IN KIOSK: Sorry, sir! No sun glasses - I've just sold the lot!
 
TIM: What are we going to do now?
 
GRAEME: A quick-change act of course!
 
The Goodies emerge from the air crew quarters in their disguises. Graeme is dressed as a modern day pilot while Bill is dressed as an old fashioned pilot, including flyer's cap and goggles. Tim is dressed as a stewardess with a short skirt and wig. Tim hits Bill with his purse when Bill makes a fresh remark.
 
BILL: Coo ... the hostess with the mostess? Nnn-gg-g!
 
TIM: Ooh ... you are awful!
 
GRAEME: Dispense with the wit and hand out the glasses!
 
Graeme hands out the sunglasses to a waiting queue of travellers in the lounge as Tim sexily leads the way.
 
GRAEME: You'll find the sun quite bright on the Costa Bravo! Wear your sun glasses now and you'll be used to the glare by the time we get there!
 
TIM: And please follow me, everybody!
 
They lead the passengers out to the field where the old plane awaits them. The travellers have to walk single file holding onto the back of the person in front of them to find their way with the sunglasses on.
 
PASSENGER #1: Erk   . I can't see a thing!
 
BILL: That's all right! This is a night flight!
 
The passengers pile into the plane to find it standing room only. One irate (and large) tourist grabs Bill by the jacket while the other passengers push and shove for room.
 
PASSENGER #2: Grr ... where are the seats?
 
BILL: They've been removed to pack more in! After all ... this is a package tour!
 
GRAEME: Anyway, at the speed we'll be going you'll hardly have time to settle down before you're there!
 
The Goodies head into the flight deck and wave back at the passengers.
 
GRAEME: See you all when we get there!
 
Slipping out of the cockpit, Graeme and Tim sit upon the trandem, which has been tied to the front of the plane with a small rope. Bill is somewhere behind the plane.
 
GRAEME: *Contact!* All set at the back?
 
BILL: As ready as I'll ever be!
 
Graeme and Tim pedal and pull the plane along behind them as Bill pushes the plane along from behind. The rolling plane heads through town, causing quite a commotion as cars (and even a cow) jump out of its way.
 
BILL: I thought I was supposed to be the *co-pilot* not the flippin' rear runner!
 
A FEW MINUTES LATER ...
 
The Goodies pull the plane off the road onto a golf course at the edge of Winklesea's beach. The plane bumps to a stop as Graeme and Tim fall off the bike and Bill collapses in exhaustion. The passengers have all hit the top of the aircraft upon stopping, one actually crashing through the top of the plane!
 
GRAEME: This'll do!
 
TIM: It'll have to do, I'm nearly on my knees!
 
PASSENGER #3: Oo! Owch! Talk about a bumpy landing!
 
The jostled and shell-shocked passengers exit the plane with the Goodies help, although the Goodies don't look too well after their trip, either.
 
GRAEME: Welcome to Costa Bravo! We hope you enjoyed your trip!
 
BILL: *They* might have but *I* didn't!
 
The passengers look around at their surroundings angrily as the Goodies watch with apprehension.
 
TIM: Er ... they don't look very happy to be here!
 
PASSENGER #4: Well, I'll go to our house!
 
WOMAN PASSENGER: You might as well! That's it over there! We're all back where we started, in our *hometown of Winklesea!*
 
The big, mean-looking passenger turns on Bill angrily.
 
PASSENGER #2: Since people stopped coming here we always take our holidays this time of year!
 
GRAEME: Well, *we're* here, aren't we?
 
TIM: And if people see us *enjoying ourselves* they might *stop* instead of driving through to the airport!
 
SO ...
 
The Goodies have their beach holiday but they find everything priced extravagantly, the water cold and Tim can't get his beach chair to unfold. A car with two tourists look down on the scene with disdain.
 
GRAEME: A cold hot dog and a cup of tea 50 p!
 
TIM: Yeow ... look at the prices the locals are charging ... we're being taken for a ride!
 
BILL: Yeah! It's me for the Costa Bravo next year!
 
FEMALE TOURIST: Don't stop here, *dear*! It's far too *dear*!
 
Sign-Off Line: Will the Goodies be all at sea again next week?
 
RATING (using the BLACK PUDDING RATING SYSTEM):
 
III - Goody goody yum yum.
 
Overall this comic strip is clever and amusing, although there are some oddities. In the first panel the word balloons are arranged in a very confusing manner, almost manga-style (right to left). It's not difficult to figure out the order they should be read, but it's still a bit strange, especially since the dialogue could easily have been interchanged between the characters. Also the writer favors exclamation marks, using them after practically every sentence. Anotherstrange word balloon is credited to Tim as the plane reaches the seaside. It shows Tim saying "It'll have to, I'm nearly on my knees!" but since he is pedalling the trandem this doesn't seem to make much sense. More likely the line was meant for Bill, who has been pushing the plane and collapses. The person inking the comic may have accidentally assigned the balloon to the wrong person.
 
This comic is a great example of the background jokes so common to the series. In the first panel the town seems deserted, so much so even a little plant is growing out of a crack in the middle of the main street. As the Goodies speak to the fisherman on the pier he is reeling in an old boot. When they arrive at the airport the air is literally filled with various planes, one of which has clipped a bird while apparently breaking the sound barrier with a loud "Ker-boof!" One pilot stands near his plane looking at a map. The dilapidated plane the Goodies decide to use has an anchor hanging off its nose, although it's apparent from the airbus' condition it isn't going anywhere.
 
Inside the airport Tim is eyeing a kiosk next to the Duty Free shop where a huge woman and skeletal-looking man stand and a sign above them reads "I'm Natasha, Fly Me to Siberia." The woman working in the duty free shop has been busy powdering her face, and in the next panel she is putting on her feminine charms while telling the man she's sold all of the sunglasses. Not to be outdone, Tim turns on *his* feminine charm as he leads the passengers to the plane (the twirling of his purse and hand on his hip are pretty clear). Tim also appears to be singing "Hi-Ya-Conga" as he heads for the plane. A woman roughly pushes her way against the crowd inside the plane, and a button outside the Flight Deck reads "Stop", which undoubtedly would be an interesting way to stop a plane!
 
As the Goodies tow and push the plane through town a sign which reads "Warning! Low Flying Aircraft" takes on new meaning. As the plane pulls into the golf course it doesn't disturb a couple of golfers getting ready to tee-off, while another golfer's club is barely showing from a hole he's dug himself into and a far-off golfer teeters on the brink of a cliff. A rabbit also runs for cover in that panel. Finally on the beach in the last panel there are signs which read "Beach Huts - 5 pounds," "Deck Chairs - 45 p per hour," "Ice Cream (Easy
Terms)," "Hotel Sordide," and "Any More for the Skylark? 1.50 pounds per trip, (Oar hire 75 p, Rowlocks 50 p)." Bill also wears a hat which reads "Sockit to Me," an expression popularized on America's comedy show Laugh-In. Also an attendant is holding a gun on a man relaxing in a deck chair on the beach, apparently to collect what the man owes on his deck chair hire. The beach is also strewn with a fair amount of litter and empty bottles, even an empty tube of something called Squeezo.
 
These background jokes, along with the chance to see Tim wearing a stewardess outfit, make this comic a lot of fun all around.
 
To view these strips online, you can visit this page: http://members.aol.com/corcomics
 
We'll post the currently reviewed issue plus the two previous issues for latecomers.
 
 
6. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
 
(a) Tim Brooke-Taylor
(b) Rolf Harris
(c) Scatty Safari
(d) A guardsman (or according to Bill, a six foot scarlet lavatory brush!)
(e) Tally Ho Towers
(f) Ride My Pony
(g) An army tank
(h) He snuffs it from all of the excitement!
 
YOUR SCORE:
8    Goodies fan supreme
7    Mastermind of the year
5-6 Clever clogs
3-4 Reasonably Goodie
1-2 Thick as old boots
0    Rolf Harris!
 
 
NEXT C&G EDITION: #99: 12th March 2004.
 
 
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The Goodies Fan Club Clarion and Globe is copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 2004. All rights reserved.
Permission to reproduce this work or any section of it, in any form must first be obtained from the copyright holders.
 
For further information regarding this publication please e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>.
For other general enquiries about the 'Goodies Rule - OK' fan club or 'The Goodies' itself, please e-mail <enquiries@goodiesruleok.com>
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