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C&G 166 Sep 2009
September 2009 - Print Email PDF 
Posted by bretta 12/09/2009

Index

» September 2009

       **********************************************
       *   THE GOODIES FAN CLUB CLARION AND GLOBE   *
       **********************************************
 
 
    * THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK!' *
             (http://www.goodiesruleok.com )
 
 
Issue No. 166                   12th September 2009
 
 
THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G
******************************
 
EDITOR
- Brett Allender <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>
 
ACE REPORTER:
- Lisa Manekofsky
 
C&G CONTRIBUTORS:
- Anthony Volpi, Iain McCrae, Jenny_Gibbon, raymond, Linda, Wackywales
 
WITH SPECIAL THANKS TO:
- Graeme Garden
 
CONTENTS
********
 
1. QUIZ & QUOTE - Goodies brainteasers for you and you and you
2. BOFFO IDEAS - The latest club news and happenings
3. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.
4. 2001 AND A BIT - Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.
5. A COLLECTION OF GOODIES THEMES #13: Bill's Outfits
6. GOODIES CROSSWORD SOLUTION from last month
7. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
 
 
1. QUIZ & QUOTE
***************
(by "Magnus Magnesium")
 
QUOTE: "Pretty? Hmph! She's hideous! She *is* Horsewoman Of The Year - more horse than woman!"
 
(a) Which Goody says this quote?
(b) Who is he describing?
(c) Which episode is this quote from?
 
QUIZ: This month's questions are from the BBC episode "Animals"
(d) What is the name of Tim's animal shop?
(e) What is written on Graeme's placard in response to Tim's placard of "Kindness Costs Nothing"?
(f) Which animal takes a liking to Graeme's nose?
(g) Which wildlife presenter is wearing flippers as Graeme observes him?
(h) What did the dramatic animal protest at Epsom involve?
 
The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.
 
 
2. BOFFO IDEAS
**************
 
You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail <enquiries@goodiesruleok.com> with your comments, ideas or suggestions - meanwhile these are the boffo ideas which our club has been working on this month:
 
THE GOODIES PUZZLE BOOK
 
A compilation of the various puzzles and quizzes which have been part of the Goodies Clarion & Globe for the past few years is now available.
 
"The Goodies Puzzle Book" contains 90 pages of Goodies-related fun featuring:
- 10 Quizzes of 50 questions each from almost the entire range of episodes
- 11 Crossword Puzzles
- 14 Word Finders
- 4 Word Puzzles
- Solutions for all quizzes and puzzles in a separate section
 
A free copy of "The Goodies Puzzle Book" as an attached file in pdf format (229kb) can be obtained upon request from Brett Allender at <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>
 
 
WEBSITE POLLS
 
Last month's poll was a good opportunity to dish out some Goodies-inspired pretend punishment to those miserable TV executive sods who seem to think that screening yet another boring cooking, crime or reality show on their TV network is somehow preferable to rescreening The Goodies for the first time in too many years to remember.
The humble but extremely effective (and extremely hard) black pudding proved to be the ultimate weapon of choice, while locking them up with Rolf was also deemed to be a suitable punishment … and for once the Rolf option fans just might be correct. Double beheadings and double time out with Tony also added up to twice the punishment (not sure which option would be worse there actually!) Some voters also suggested an "all of the above" option, which sounds fair enough actually!
 
How should TV executives who refuse to repeat The Goodies be punished? 
- Squirted with lethal tomato sauce         6 votes
- Off with their didgeridoos!                    14 votes
- Encased in a 350 ft block of concrete    25 votes
- Thrown to the sheep (or hamsters!)        4 votes
- Ecky thumped with a black pudding        53 votes
- Banished to the Jolly Rock Lighthouse     8 votes
- Given 2 nights out with Tony Blackburn   15 votes
- Beheaded ... twice ... very slowly!         17 votes
- Other                                              2 votes
- Locked up in a cell with Rolf Harris     32 votes
Total                                                    176 votes
 
This month's poll is a lot less brutal; in fact it's a cute purry furry one. Which animal guest star do you like the most? One possible measure of judgement is which one would you most like to take home as a pet? Twinkle the kitten would take a lot of feeding, not to mention the damage he'd do if he went for a climb on your roof. An accidental bite from the bagpipes spider and you'd dance yourself to death, while the dodo's doos won't exactly have your garden coming up roses. Maybe you'd really enjoy Muffin the Mule, but just remember you can get locked up for that y'know, so you'd better go to the website and cast your vote first. You know it makes sense!
 
Which is your favourite animal "guest star" from The Goodies?
the bagpipe spider
- Twinkle, the giant kitten
- the mule (Bunfight at the OK Tearooms)
- Truffaut the Wonder Dog
- Frankenfido
- Dougal
- Black & White Beauty
- The Dodo
- other
- I prefer Little Rolf
 
 
3. SPOTTED!!!
*************
 
More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the Goodies recently, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! the Goodies this month:
 
THE GOODIES IN SYDNEY
(Lisa Manekofsky – 24th Aug & 6th Sep)
(with thanks to Iain McCrae for also providing information regarding the additional Riverside Theatre show)
 
I thought it might be helpful to summarize the details about The Goodies shows to be held in the Sydney area in October. Tim & Graeme will be appearing in person, with Bill on screen, in a show hosted by Andrew Hansen of The Chaser. The show will be performed at both Parramatta's Riverside Theatre and on both days of the World's Funniest Island festival. 
 
Tickets are on sale for all shows.
 
My understanding is that the show will not be held in any other cities, due to the limited amount of time Tim & Graeme had available to visit Australia (because of their other professional commitments).
 
Full details follow:
 
SHOW DESCRIPTION:
 
THE GOODIES
BEFORE, DURING & AFTER
Tim Brooke-Taylor & Graeme Garden
(with Bill Oddie's video bits)
hosted by The Chaser's Andrew Hansen
 
One for the fans and we know there are many! The Goodies back onstage in Sydney four years after the legendary "Still Alive" tour that sold out around Australia. An informal chat with jokes, clips and definitely no pyrotechnics. Otherwise "Anything. Anytime. Anywhere".
 
Some fans have asked if The Goodies shows to be held in Sydney & Parramatta in October will be the same as the 2005 Goodies stage tour. The answer is "no". I've been told the upcoming show will be different - it'll be an interview format (hosted by Andrew Hansen of The Chaser); the new show will include some different Goodies clips as well as examples of work the Goodies did before and after The Goodies (plus other fun stuff).
 
Here's a reminder about the dates & booking details:
 
DATES/VENUES (Tickets are on sale for all shows):
 
* Thursday, 15 Oct 2009
 The Riverside Theatre, Parramatta
 7:00PM
 Tickets: $55.00
 Approximately 90 minute "extended cut" version of the show
 Tickets can be booked online from
 or by calling the Box Office at +61 2 8839 3399
   
 
* Saturday & Sunday, 17-18 Oct 2009
    World's Funniest Island, the comedy festival on Cockatoo Island, Sydney Harbour (http://www.worldsfunniestisland.com/ )
    The Goodies will appear both days for a total of four performances of approximately one-hour each. 
    Tickets: One Day Pass - $119.00 Two Day Pass - $209.90. Passes are for ALL festival shows plus ferry transfers to and from Cockatoo Island.
Festival info at www.worldsfunniestisland.com  
    Tickets can be booked from
http://premier.ticketek.com.au/shows/show.aspx?sh=worldsfu09  or by calling Ticketek Call Centre: 132 849
 
 
TBT INTERVIEW
(Lisa Manekofsky – 19th Aug)
 
On Tuesday, August 18th Tim Brooke-Taylor did a radio interview with Sydney's ABC702 in support of October's World's Funniest Island Festival (http://www.worldsfunniestisland.com ) - the festival, which will be held on Sydney's Cockatoo Island, will feature an appearance by The Goodies (Tim & Graeme in person, Bill on screen). 
(As an added bonus for Australian fans of Tim & Graeme's BBC Radio 4 show "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue", during the interview Tim rashly promised to explain the rules of the game Mornington Crescent while on Cockatoo Island. ;)
 
 
GOODIES RESCREENINGS
(Lisa Manekofsky – 23rd Aug)
 
* Thursdays & Sundays - SKY NZ's New Comedy Central channel is repeating "The Goodies". (Thanks for raymond for this info!)
 
* various dates & times - The Comedy Channel in Australia currently is repeating episodes of "The Goodies". Consult their website for details about episodes coming up in the next 7 days.
 
 
SOMEONE'S BEEN HERE BEFORE US!
(Anthony Volpi)
 
With the 40th Anniversary of Neil Armstrong amd Buzz Aldrin walking on the moon, I think we should all reminisce about Big Bunny ....beep.
I mean it was the first time that Dr Who came into the Goodies ....beep.
So everyone stand and and sing loud with me...beep
By the light, cha cha cha cha cha cha cha, of the silvery Earth. chachachachachachachacha.
There is talk that when the Australian Broadcasting Corporation launches ABC 4 in 2 years time, it will be a classic TV station so The Goodies may be back on terrestial TV.
ABC 1 is general TV; ABC 2 is what you missed on ABC 1 last night as well as Red Dwarf and Scrapheap Challenge; ABC 3 will be a youth network whilst ABC 6 will be Federal Parliament.
As Carolyn Kook said, "Move with the groove, bend with the trend and go with the flow."
 
 
WHEN WERE WE FUNNIEST?
(Lisa Manekofsky – 8th Sep)
 
* Sun, 13 Sept - The 1970's episode of "When Were We Funniest?" is being repeated on G.O.L.D at 15:00. (Thanks to Jenny_Gibbon for this info)
 
 
4. 2001 AND A BIT
*****************
 
If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays. Large files (such as scans of articles or photos) for posting on the club's website can be sent to us at: groksite@gmail.com
Those of you seeking radio and tv alerts between issues of the C&G should consider signing up for the Goodies-l mailing list (more details available on the club website), as our crack (cracked?!) team of reporters attempt to post alerts as the information becomes available.
 
** (All items in this section contributed by Lisa Manekofsky, except where otherwise credited) **
 
 
BILL SPOTTINGS
 
* Thanks to Jenny_Gibbon for posting this news in the www.goodiesruleok.com forums:
Bill was featured on the funny side of...Animals, at 21.35 tonight on bbc2. It's now available on Iplayer [available to fans in the UK]. Here's the link:
(20th Aug)
 
 
* Sun, 30 Aug - "Comedians - Bill Oddie" on RTE Choice at 15:00.
(23rd Aug)
 
 
* Weds, 2 Sept - "Who Do You Think You Are?" on Blighty at 22:00 is a repeat of the episode featuring Bill.  The show is repeated again at various times on Thurs, 3 Sept.
(23rd Aug)
 
 
* Here's an odd little news item - an act scheduled to play at the Stroud Fringe Festival is named "Bill Oddie's Mood". I believe it's a musical act; given Bill's love of music, I bet he'd be amused by the "honor" ;)
(6th Sep)
 
 
* Tues, 8 Sept - "Who Do You Think You Are?" on Watch at 21:00 is a repeat of the episode featuring Bill. The show is repeated an hour later on Watch Plus 1.
(8th Sep)
 
 
* Sun, 20 Sept - "Bill Oddie Goes Wild" episodes are repeated on Blighty at various times.
(8th Sep)
 
 
GRAEME SPOTTINGS
 
* Mon, 24 Aug - "Holby City" on BBC Prime is a repeat of an episode with Graeme. Graeme appears in the listings for repeats on Tues, 25 Aug at 17:00 and Sat, 29 Aug at 17:15; I'm not sure if these are multiple repeats of the same episode or different episodes - please check your local listings.
(23rd Aug)
 
 
* Tuesdays starting 25 Aug - "The Long Hot Satsuma" on BBC Radio 7 (www.bbc.co.uk/radio7 ) at 08:30 (repeated later in the day) is a repeat of the full eight-episode series from the late 1980's starring Graeme Garden, Barry Cryer, and Alison Steadman. Each episode will be available for a week after broadcast from Listen Again.
(23rd Aug)
 
 
* BBC Radio 7 is repeating two series in which Graeme contributed as a writer or script editor. The first series of "The Hudson & Pepperdine Show" is being repeated on Monday evening. Starting next week the first series of "Giles Wemmbley-Hogg Goes Off" returns on Wednesday evenings.
(28th Aug)
 
 
* Many thanks to Jenny_Gibbon for posting the following in the www.goodiesruleok.com  forums:
"I got a mail out from the BBC audience ticket list. The next series of The Unbelievable Truth is being recorded next month. And Graeme's in the cast list."
Here's an excerpt from the mailout:
 
The Unbelievable Truth
10 and 17 September, Shaw Theatre
Book now
David Mitchell hosts the fourth series of The Unbelievable Truth.
A panel game in which panellists are encouraged to tell lies and compete against one another to see how many items of truth they are able to smuggle past their opponents
Recording on Thursday 10 and 17 September at the Shaw Theatre, 110 Euston Road, London NW1 2AJ. Doors open at 7pm.
To apply for tickets, visit the BBC Tickets Website or call the BBC Ticket Line on 0370 901 1227*.
(28th Aug)
 
 
* Episode 3 of "The Long Hot Satsuma", which has been repeated by BBC Radio 7 previously, is now available from Listen Again at:
 Available until: 9:02am Tuesday 15th September 2009 (London time)
Because Episode 2 was included in BBC Radio 7's "Comedy Catch Up" this past Sunday that episode will be available through the weekend from the following link. Note that this is one of the newly recovered episodes which made its first appearance on Radio 7 last week.
   Available until: 3:02am Monday 14th September 2009 (London time)
(8th Sep)
 
 
* Thanks to wackywales for posting the following on http://www.goodiesruleok .com:
There's a nice article in the Telegraph by Graeme about his holidays in Menorca. The article can be found at: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/celebritytravel/6149425/Graeme-Gardens-heaven-on-earth-Menorca.html
(8th Sep)
 
 
* Sun, 13 Sept - "Agatha Christie's Marple" on ITV1 at 20:00 includes a cameo from Graeme. It'll be repeated Sat, 19 Sept on ITV3 at 18:55. (Thanks to wackywales for this info)
(8th Sep)
 
 
TIM SPOTTINGS
 
* Mon, 24 Aug & Tues, 25 Aug - "Tim Brooke-Taylor's Golf Clubs" episodes are repeated on Discovery Travel and Living at 13:00 & 13:30 each day.
(23rd Aug)
 
 
* Thurs, 10 Sept - "I've Never Seen Star Wars" on BBC Radio 4 at 23:00 is a repeat of the episode featuring Tim. It can be heard worldwide online from www.bbc.co.uk/radio4  and will be available for a week after broadcast from Listen Again.
(8th Sep)
 
 
* Tim's appearance on BBC Radio 4's "I've Never Seen Star Wars" was repeated yesterday. It can be heard from the BBC iplayer until next Thursday, 17 Sept at 11:30pm London time from: http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00dwjd7/Ive_Never_Seen_Star_Wars_Series_1_Tim_BrookeTaylor/
(12th Sep)
 
 
I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE (ISIHAC) and
I'M SORRY I'LL READ THAT AGAIN (ISIRTA)
 
Tuesdays - "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" repeats on ABC Radio National at 5:30 (http://www.abc.net.au/rn/comedy/ )
(23rd Aug)
 
 
* I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Volume 11 has been released; it is available as a 2 CD set and also as a digital download. The latest set includes four compilation episodes featuring chairman Humphrey Lyttelton, panelists Tim Brooke-Taylor, Graeme Garden, & Barry Cryer, and guest panelists Stephen Fry, Jack Dee, Rob Brydon, & Jeremy Hardy. Perhaps not coincidentally, Stephen, Jack & Rob were the guest chairs for the most recent series of Clue (which was broadcast a few months ago on BBC Radio 4).
A more detailed description of the set is available at: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Im-Sorry-Havent-Clue-Audio/dp/1405688378/  
(2nd Sep)
 
 
* Tuesdays - "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" on RTE Choice at 08:00. Also on Sundays at 09:30.
(8th Sep)
 
 
ISIHAC STAGE TOUR
 
Just a reminder that the 2009 I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Official Stage Tour resumes in a few weeks. Here are updates about a few venues:
        * Wimbledon - has added a 2:30pm show in addition to the 7:30pm show
(both on Sept. 27th)
        * Basingstoke - the 7:30pm show has sold out. Tickets are still
available for the 2:30pm show
        * Leicester - currently sold out online. Please contact the Box
Office (on 0116 233 3111) for current availability
 
Following is the brief tour description and a list of upcoming dates/venues. Please visit http://www.goodiesruleok.com/faq.php?topic=13  for a more detailed list which includes URLs to the venues, box office phone numbers, and online booking links.
 
The Official Stage Tour
 
Following two sell-out tours in 2007 and 2008, BBC Radio's multi award-winning antidote to panel games starts an all-new touring stage show for 2009. Join Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Jeremy Hardy and special guest host Jack Dee for an unmissable evening of inspired nonsense. Colin Sell provides piano accompaniment.
 
ISIHAC Tour Dates
 
September
Fri 18 MANCHESTER OPERA HOUSE
Sun 20 BRISTOL HIPPODROME
Mon 21 PORTSMOUTH GUILDHALL
Tues 22 CAMBRIDGE CORN EXCHANGE
Wed 23 ROYAL CONCERT HALL, NOTTINGHAM
Fri 25 ST GEORGES CONCERT HALL, BRADFORD
Sat 26 CENTAUR CHELTENHAM
Sun 27 NEW WIMBLEDON THEATRE
Mon 28 BIRMINGHAM SYMPHONY HALL
Tues 29 SOUTHPORT THEATRE
Wed 30 YORK GRAND OPERA HOUSE
 
October
Sat 3 DERNGATE, NORTHAMPTON
Sun 4 BASINGSTOKE ANVIL
Mon 5 PRINCESS THEATRE, TORQUAY
Tues 6 CONGRESS THEATRE, EASTBOURNE
Wed 7 DE MONTFORD HALL LEICESTER
(Lisa Manekofsky - 2nd Sep)
 
 
ISIHAC TOUR PUBLICITY
 
With the I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Stage Tour about to hit the road again (a run of 16 dates start Sept. 18th - details at http://www.goodiesruleok.com/faq.php?topic=13 ) the team are out doing interviews.
 
Here are some details from Graeme.
 
        * He has recently spoken to the Gloucester News and the Liverpool Echo. Let us know if you find a copy of the articles!
 
        * He did a live broadcast the morning of Friday, 4 Sept on Radio Merseyside (which may be available from http://www.bbc.co.uk/merseyside/programmes/schedules/2009/09/04  - we'll try to figure out which show it's in once the Listen Again links start working again).
 
        * He's recorded an interview for BBC Radio Gloucester but doesn't know when it's due to go out. The station's homepage is http://news.bbc.co.uk/local/gloucestershire/hi/tv_and_radio/  
 
        * On Sept 24th at 10.30am he's scheduled to be interviewed by Judi Spiers on BBC Radio Devon. The station's homepage is http://www.bbc.co.uk/devon/local_radio/  
 
I'll pass along more info when it becomes available. Please let us know if you spot any interviews!
(Lisa Manekofsky – 5th Sep)
 
 
* Graeme's appearance on BBC Radio Merseyside is now on Listen Again . http://www.bbc.co.uk/merseyside/programmes/schedules/2009/09/04  It is the Tony Styles Show at 10-00 to 12-00 about one hour in. It is complicated by the fact there is another DJ sitting in for him, Andy Ball . I heard the interview; it is very interesting
(Linda – 5th Sep)
 
 
* Linda dropped me a note saying she hadn't been able to get the interview so far (thanks for trying, Linda!) Luckily I finally was able to get a copy from Listen Again (I figured out why I was having a problem - my browser was set for the low bandwidth version, which wasn't available; I had to switch to the "normal" version). 
If I've done this correctly, the interview is available for download from http://www.sendspace.com/file/radx5k  
The full show is available until mid-day Friday (UK time) from http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p0046sjg/p0046sjz/Sean_Styles_04_09_2009/  (Graeme's interview is a little after the one hour mark)
(10th Sep)
 
 
5. A COLLECTION OF GOODIES THEMES #13
*************************************
(by Brett Allender)
 
BILL'S OUTFITS
 
Throughout the entire run of the show, all three Goodies have ample opportunities to dress up in an array of weird and wonderful costumes depending on the surreal flight of fancy that each particular episode is undertaking. These will be looked at in more detail in a separate article, especially the outfits emanating from the trips into the quick change cabinet, but the focus for the moment is on the everyday "civvies" that the Goodies wear around the office much of the time and often out and about when duty calls as well.
 
While Graeme is generally clad in variations of his brown suit (which he slips on in one piece like a pair of overalls in Snooze and Kitten Kong) and matching brown tie (with an "I'm A Goody" badge in later series), and Tim invariably has his navy blue 3 piece suit with a light blue shirt and tie (and trademark Union Jack waistcoat from Series 5 onwards), Bill is the fashion plate of the trio, sporting a sequence of different memorably funky outfits which change in various degrees from series to series.
 
Bill's standard garb in Series 1 consists of runners, dark-coloured jeans, thick brown studded belt, dark brown vest, a long necklace and yellow t-shirt with "The Goodies" emblazoned in large red print on the front. His outfit during Series 2 is virtually the same except for his yellow t-shirt sporting a brown "I'm A Goody" logo and his vest being a brown leather one in latter episodes.
 
His attire is the subject of the following exchange in "Freedom To Live" after he has posed as a "militant sister" and dobbed Graeme and Tim into the Women's Liberation movement for having "male chauvinist pig" attitudes towards Graeme's hot date, Debbie. Upon barging into the Goodies office, Barbara, the Women's Lib inspector, demands to know who has sent for her: "I was called by a Militant Sister!" Bill: "That's right. That's me." Barbara (looking at his jacket, beads etc): "Hmm, should have guessed by the uniform. (laughs) I say, I like the beard. That's really what I call equality!" Bill (slightly indignantly): "I'm not a woman." Barbara: "Well what are you doing dressed up like one then?" Bill "I'm not dressed up … (compares what they are wearing) … oh I see what you mean actually, yes. Anyway I am a man, but I'm on your side."
 
A relaxed but rather scruffy-looking Bill lounging in his bean bag is given a dressing-down by Tim at the start of "That Old Black Magic" in Series 3. Bill noisily protests: "Oh! Get off me will you, for heaven's sake" as Tim vigorously whacks him with a duster while doing the housework, only for Tim to snap back: "Well what if a client came in and saw you, hey?! What would they think? Ooh you are a grubby grotty little scruffpot!" B (sarcastically): "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but please don't hit me, will you?" T (disgusted): "Look at you! Ooh. You can't even dress properly! Why don't you wear ties and suspenders like everyone else! And look at your shoes … they're disgusting!" B (somewhat miffed): "Those are my feet!"
 
Perhaps Bill's most memorable outfit is the one that he wears for much of Series 3 and for few episodes of Series 4, which consists of purple jacket (with "I'm A Goody" patches on the elbows) and flared jeans with white striped panels, a long necklace and a yellow Goodies t-shirt (with a red and black drawing of the three Goodies aboard the trandem holding a banner with "The Goodies" printed on it). This eye-catching combination serves him well until "Hospital For Hire" but it's then his "weekend leisure attire" of a tight-fitting crimson top, matching flares, and heaps of beads and necklaces that invokes Tim's scorn in "The Stone Age". Finding themselves stuck inside the stomach of a prehistoric Tyrannosaurus rex underneath the office during a less-than-successful potholing mission, Tim and Bill resort to entertaining themselves with a game of imaginary football. After Bill's team of Chelsea substitutes have scored an exciting 3-2 victory over Tim's Derby County thanks to an unlikely hat-trick from the boot of Hayley Mills, and Bill is sprung wolfing down a juicy piece of chicken while the others are surviving on a meagre ration of two beans a day, the verbal sniping begins.
 
T (to B, annoyed): "You pig! You common little oik!" B (aggravated): "Don't start getting at me again! Just 'cos I'm not a smoothie like you, in'it?!" T: "Shut your gob!" B (mockingly): "Ooh, shut your gob! Well, so much for Winchester and Cambridge! Ooh hoo. Tell you something mate. We only keep you on 'cos you can type." T (offended): "Ooh! That's not true. I do the washing up as well! Which is more than you do, you … you … oh, get your hair cut!" B: "Hair!! What about your hair?! You look like Susan Hampshire!" T (snapping back): "Maybe … maybe, but at least I don't dress like her! Trouser suits and necklaces!" B: "Yeah well, I've seen you get dressed, haven't I, yes. And I happen to know that you tuck your shirt inside your underpants! (chortles) You do!" T (embarrassed): "Only in the winter." B: "You're a sissy!" T: "Lout!" B: "Nancy!" T: "Cow!" B: "Bitch!" T (utterly offended): Oooh!! Ooh, that does it! If you want me I shall be in the spleen!
 
Bill's Series 5 outfit in episodes such as "Clown Virus" and "Cunning Stunts" consists of an unbuttoned brown long-sleeved shirt with various patches and other badges (including "I'm A Goody", an anchor and some hippy-style flowers) over his yellow Goodies t-shirt, coupled with maroon flares that are also adorned with several badges and patches. Tim has a less-than-subtle swipe at Bill's appearance and attitude in "Cunning Stunts" as he reads his advertisement aloud after he and Graeme have sacked a useless, lovestricken Bill: "Wanted ... third Goody to share. Grotty little hairy frustrated pop stars need not apply." Bill's only major departure from this look is in "The End" where he is wearing a very eye-catching bright purple Goodies t-shirt throughout the episode.
 
By Series 6, the transformation of the Goodies from helping guest stars solve problems to creating their own bizarre escapades to solve is well and truly complete. The Goodies therefore spend a considerable amount of time in various costumes or clothing befitting their particular situation rather than in their regular "office wear", but Bill can still be seen in episodes such as "Hype Pressure" wearing a black and white tracksuit top (with "The Goodies" printed on the back), white Goodies t-shirt (with a full colour drawing of the Goodies on the trandem holding an "I'm A Goody" banner) and blue jeans. 
 
Bill's Series 7 gear is a little different again, consisting of a blue zip-up jacket (with a prominent "I'm A Goody" badge on it), light blue t-shirt and blue jeans. In "Earthanasia" after Bill has unsuccessfully tried to cure Tim's belly button inhibitions by posing as Tim's Mum (only to find that Tim's inhibitions stemmed from his Mum having a beard just like Bill's!), we see Bill re-entering the office just a few minutes before the world is due to end at midnight, dressed in suit, tie and shiny shoes and, most surprisingly, with no beard. B (holding a razor in his hand): "Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything silly with this." G (stunned at the sight of a beardless Bill): "You already have done! Why have you done that?!" B: "It's all for Tim. I know for all these years he's thought of me as uncouth and unkempt, well, before he goes I just wanted him to see the real me." G: "You vicious swine! That's not the real you, is it?" B: "Yes it is. All these years I've been living a lie. I'll tell you something … (points to his thick mop of hair with razor) … I haven't finished yet." G (horrified): "Uh uh uh, That's virgin forest there, mate. Don't go in without a guide.!" B (with resignation): "Vanity, vanity, all is vanity", as he removes his wig which turns out to be a long-haired Peruvian gerbil. G: "Well now that it's off your chest … off your scalp, I suppose you're off out to have fun, are you?" B (horrified): "Are you joking? I'm not going out looking like this!" G: "Well why the suit and the shiny shoes?" B: "I told you, it's all for Tim, isn't it?! I want to be there with him at the end, and I just want to be to him the mother he never had." Of course, Bill's noble sacrifice is abjectly wasted on an obnoxious, free-speaking Tim, who returns to the office free of his inhibitions, flaunting his belly button for all to see and greeting the new-look Bill with a derisive "Oi Baldy, you don't half look ugly now you've shaved your beard off, you DREARY LITTLE WART!" B (offended): "You certainly know how to hurt a man!" T: "I do. Knee to the groin!" *THUMP!*
 
Bill enters his "commie worker" phase at the start of Series 8 in the episode "Politics" where he is clad in blue jeans and a red shirt with heaps of different badges adorning it. He also wears a different red shirt with just a couple of badges on it in other episodes in the series such as "A Kick In The Arts" and Animals.
 
With the move of The Goodies from the BBC to ITV for Series 9, Bill sports a new look for the final series, wearing a yellow jumper with a prominent "Anything Anytime" in purple print on the front of it, coupled with a blue shirt and jeans. At times he also wears a black jacket with a large red "G" and various badges on the front of it.
 
In the 2005 special Return Of The Goodies, the trio try to recall which one of them was the "dashing debonair babe magnet" of the show all those years ago. After Tim (B: "No, you were the flaxen haired fop with the double-barrelled trousers and the Union Jack underpants!") and Graeme (T: "No you were the loony scientist with the computer and the glasses and the guinea pigs crawling up your chops! Ooh and you were a megalomaniac!") have had their bids at babe magnet status shot down by their fellow Goodies, Bill proudly states " So by process of logical elimination, *I* must have been the dashing, debonair babe magnet, right?!" G: "That's right" T: (incredulously): "Wait a minute! You were the ugly …" B (frustrated): "Alright, alright, alright! I was the scruffy yet strangely loveable little oik!" G: "You were not loveable!" B (even more frustrated): "Alright, I was just a little oik then! Are you happy?!" We Goodies fans certainly are at any rate – Bill's scruffy, yet funky and yes, even strangely loveable ever-changing getup is a real feature of the show over the years, especially his array of Goodies t-shirts and badges.
 
Website article & photo gallery:
 
 
6. GOODIES CROSSWORD SOLUTION – from last month
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(by Brett Allender)
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7. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
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(a) Tim
(b) His new fiancee
(c) Hunting Pink (aka A Hunting We Will Go)
(d) Brooke-Taylor's Beast Boutique
(e) Cruelty Is More Fun
(f) The Patagonian Nose Bulb
(g) Jacques Cousteau
(h) A horse throwing itself under the Queen's corgi
 
YOUR SCORE:
8    Mastermind Of The Year
7    Goodies fan supreme
5-6 Clever clogs
3-4 Goody Goody effort
1-2 Time to watch some more episodes
0    Are you sure you're not Rolf Harris?!
 
 
NEXT C&G EDITION:
- #167:    12th October 2009.
 
UPCOMING ARTICLES:
- Oct/Nov: Goodies Music Review – I Wish I Could Get High
- Nov/Dec: A Collection Of Goodies Themes – Goodies live music in episodes
 
C&G BACK ISSUES CONTENTS INDEX: http://www.goodiesruleok.com/articles.php?id=45
Updated to C&G 162 (May 2009)
 
*******************************************************************************
The Goodies Fan Club Clarion and Globe is copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 2009. All rights reserved.
Permission to reproduce this work or any section of it, in any form must first be obtained from the copyright holders.
 
For further information regarding this publication please e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>.
For other general enquiries about the 'Goodies Rule - OK' fan club or 'The Goodies' itself, please e-mail enquiries@goodiesruleok.com
 
TO OBTAIN THIS NEWSLETTER IN WORD DOCUMENT FORM:
E-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> requesting transfer to the Word mailing list.
******************************************************************************
 



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