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C&G 157 Dec 2008
December 2008 - Print Email PDF 
Posted by bretta 12/12/2008

Index

» December 2008

       **********************************************
       *   THE GOODIES FAN CLUB CLARION AND GLOBE   *
       **********************************************
 
 
    * THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK!' *
             (http://www.goodiesruleok.com )
 
 
Issue No. 157                   12th December 2008
 
 
THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G
******************************
 
EDITOR
- Brett Allender <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>
 
ACE REPORTER:
- Lisa Manekofsky
 
C&G CONTRIBUTORS:
- Wackywales, David Balston, Sosia
 
WITH SPECIAL THANKS TO:
Tim Brooke-Taylor & Graeme Garden
 
CONTENTS
********
 
1. QUIZ & QUOTE - Goodies brainteasers for you and you and you
2. BOFFO IDEAS - The latest club news and happenings
3. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.
4. 2001 AND A BIT - Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.
5. A COLLECTION OF GOODIES THEMES #9: Goodies Targets – Tony Blackburn
6. GOODIES CROSSWORD SOLUTION – from C&G 156
7. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
 
 
1. QUIZ & QUOTE
***************
(by "Magnus Magnesium")
 
QUOTE: "All right, they're dead. I admit it. Look, when they come to me they're old, they're frail, they don't last very long ... (fiendishly) … not the way I treat 'em!"
 
(a) Which Goody says this quote?
(b) What is he referring to?
(c) Which episode is this quote from?
 
QUIZ: This month's questions are from the episode "Frankenfido".
(d) What sort of novelty dog does Graeme breed for the Queen?
(e) Which household item does Tim's dog supposedly mate with in Graeme's cupboard?
(f) Which prize does Bill (in a dog costume) win at Crufts?
(g) Whose leg does Graeme use in the creation of Frankenfido?
(h) What surprising confession does the announcer at Crufts make when the dogs start fighting?
 
The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.
 
 
2. BOFFO IDEAS
**************
 
You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail <enquiries@goodiesruleok.com> with your comments, ideas or suggestions - meanwhile these are the boffo ideas which our club has been working on this month:
 
WEBSITE POLLS
 
Last month's poll canvassed the idea of a perfectly Goody replacement for the current Doctor Who and it was quite an even spread of votes between Bill, Tim and Rolf (who would strike fear into even the most dastardly Dalek upon producing his wobbleboard and starting to sing ... "Tie me Cyberman down sport ..."!). However the notion of replacing one slightly eccentric Doctor with another one (who also has the bonus attribute of being a "loony scientist") was most appealing and meant that Graeme was our clear winner by knockout (preferably of Rolf!)
 
David Tennant will be quitting Doctor Who after next year's specials. Who should replace him as the next Doctor?
- Tim Brooke-Taylor     35 votes
- Graeme Garden         73 votes
- Bill Oddie            32 votes
- other                 12 votes
- Rolf Harris           38 votes
 Total                190 votes
 
And now onto another interesting choice from a small number of options. Some of the very best episodes of The Goodies were the studio-based ones where they were trapped in a particular location and relied on clever verbal exchanges and studio props rather than elaborate chase scenes and visual sequences. But which one is your favourite? Head to the website polling booth and cast your vote before Harry Highrise encases your office in a 350ft high block of concrete. You know it makes sense!
 
Which is your favourite "stuck in one room" episode of The Goodies?
- The Stone Age
- The End
- Earthanasia
- Holidays
- I prefer the episode with Rolf Harris
 
 
HAPPY EARTHANASIA!
 
On behalf of the C&G Team, our best wishes go to all GROK members and their families for a very Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and a wonderful New Year in 2009.
 
 
3. SPOTTED!!!
*************
 
More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the Goodies recently, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! the Goodies this month:
 
SLAPSTICK 2009
(Lisa Manekofsky – 13th Nov)
 
Here's some early information about the Slapstick 2009 Festival from www.slapstick.org.uk   Tim & Graeme are expected to appear at the festival again this year.
"Slapstick returns for its fifth year to bring laughter to Bristol just when we need it most. At this year's festival we present some of the world's funniest silent comedies, brought to life by an unprecedented line-up of special guests. Paul Merton is back once again as the inimitable host of Slapstick's Friday night gala at Colston Hall, presenting Buster Keaton's Our Hospitality accompanied live by the finest silent film ensemble in Europe, The Prima Vista Social Club. This year, Bristol Old Vic is delighted to play host to some of the festival's major highlights and to welcome an array of very special guests including beloved national treasure Eric Sykes and The Goodies in conversation with Phill Jupitus.
The Slapstick festival evolved from our ongoing Bristol Silents programme at Watershed and our close working relationship with Paul Merton. Our shared passion for silent films and especially silent comedy led to the first Slapstick weekend in 2005. The festival was such a success it's been an annual event ever since and it even lead to the commisioning of a BBC TV series Paul Merton's Silent Clowns screened in 2006 and 2007.
 I hope you will join us at Slapstick in January and discover the wonderful world of silent comedy."
 
The blog at http://bioscopic.wordpress.com/2008/11/13/slapstick-is-here-again/  quotes a blurb from the festival as saying:
"We are expecting unprecedented demand for these tickets and expect them to sell out quickly. A limited amount of priority tickets have been put aside for Bristol Silents Members and those people who purchase festival passes until 17th November and will be allocated on a first-come, first-served basis. All Bristol Silents members and delegates will be able to purchase tickets at discounted rates."
 
 
COMEDY CHANNEL
(Lisa Manekofsky – 7th Dec)
 
The Comedy Channel in Australia has scheduled another batch of Goodies episodes from series 1 and 2. Here is the schedule currently displayed at http://www.thecomedychannel.com.au/WhatsOn/Detail.aspx?id=211  
 
Thu 11/12       11:30AM         The Tower of London
Fri 12/12       11:30AM         Snooze
Sat 13/12       4:00PM          Love The Police
Sat 13/12       4:30PM          The Greenies
Sat 13/12       5:00PM          Cecily
Sat 13/12       5:30PM          Radio Goodies
Sat 13/12       6:00PM          The Loch Ness Monster
Sun 14/12       9:30AM          Love The Police
Sun 14/12       10:00AM         The Greenies
Sun 14/12       10:30AM         Radio Goodies
 
 
R.I.P. BOB SPIERS
(from information provided by David Balston and Lisa Manekofsky – 8th Dec)
 
Bob Spiers, who directed several series of The Goodies between 1977 and 1982, among many classic TV sitcoms, has died at the age of 63 after a long illness.
 
Bob Spiers's obituary from The Independent, which includes several mentions of his work on "The Goodies" can be found at: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/obituaries/bob-spiers-director-of-absolutely-fabulous-fawlty-towers-and-dads-army-1058046.html
 
 
MORE ABOUT SLAPSTICK
(Lisa Manekofsky – 9th Dec)
 
Graeme will be appearing at a second event during the Slapstick 2009 festival in Bristol. In addition to The Goodies (Tim & Graeme) in Conversation with Phill Jupitus session on January 22nd, Graeme is also due to participate in "An Audience with Eric Sykes".
Details about both events can be obtained from http://www.slapstick.org.uk/old-vic.htm  
 
 
4. 2001 AND A BIT
*****************
 
If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays. Those of you seeking radio and tv alerts between issues of the C&G should consider signing up for the Goodies-l mailing list (more details available on the club website), as our crack (cracked?!) team of reporters attempt to post alerts as the information becomes available.
 
** (All items in this section contributed by Lisa Manekofsky, except where otherwise credited) **
 
BILL SPOTTINGS
 
* Sat, 13 Dec - "Never Mind the Buzzcocks" with Bill is repeated on Dave at 21:00.
(7th Dec)
 
 
* Sun, 14 Dec - "The Truth About Killer Dinosaurs", presented by Bill, is repeated on BBC Prime at 15:00
(7th Dec)
 
 
* Fri, 19 Dec & Sat, 20 Dec - "My Famous Family", presented by Bill, is repeated on UKTV History (Friday at 15:00, Saturday at 10:00).
(7th Dec)
 
 
* Mon, 22 Dec - "The Comic Songbook: Timeshift" on BBC4 at 11.00pm will include Bill Oddie as well as Pythons Michael Palin & Terry Jones plus Neil Innes.
(7th Dec)
 
 
* Bill has written a Christmas single for a children's Christmas video
An article about the song (which includes a photo of Bill with the children) appears online at http://www.echo-news.co.uk/news/3962532.Youngsters_star_in_festive_music_video/
(8th Dec)
 
 
GRAEME SPOTTINGS
 
* This is from a longer article about David Quantick, a man who apparently has very good taste - "A third series of One, a show that began as a bright idea in the shower one day, is coming too. (Expect more starring roles for Graeme Garden, of whom he is in awe)."
(Wackywales – 17th Nov)
 
 
* Graeme was interviewed about his production of "Sleeping Beauty" in today's
 
Graeme Chips In
10:37am Friday 28th November 2008
By Katherine MacAlister
 
Katherine MacAlister chats to ex-Goodie Graeme Garden about penning this year's panto - and trembling in the wings with first night nerves as the curtain goes up ...
GRAEME Garden looks exactly the same as he has always done, which is quite a feat considering he reached the pinnacle of his fame with the Goodies in the 70s, and he's now 65. You'll have seen him regularly since then featuring on comedy shows, radio programmes and TV, most of which he's written.
But this year it's the Chipping Norton Panto's turn and Sleeping Beauty is the project which has had Graeme's full attention. And with the box office doing record business he's obviously still got what it takes to make people laugh.
But then, considering one of the Goodies' biggest hits was The Goodies And The Beanstalk, we are obviously on familiar territory here.
"Yes, I suppose so," Graeme laughs doubtfully, "but it was the Christmas special," he adds. Graeme actually wrote the script for Sleeping Beauty 25 years ago, but when asked to resurrect his panto, found that it didn't need much tweaking, proving that comedy is fairly timeless.
"Well, children get quite bored with jokes about banks, so all it needed was a bit of polishing and a bit of sprucing up," he says.
Nevertheless, by the time it got to opening night, Graham was trembling in the wings alongside the actors. "Well you can't blame anyone else if it goes wrong when you're the writer," he explains.
"But however tempting it was to retire back to base camp, I couldn't leave them to go over the top on their own."
Luckily, Sleeping Beauty has been going down a treat since it opened so Graeme is no danger of being hounded, which is just as well considering he lives nearby and his grand-daughter is coming to see it.
"I keep worrying about whether it's too scary for her, because the princess has a bad spell cast on her and then there is the evil fairy, but none of the other children seemed to have minded so far," he laughs.
"But writing a panto is a serious job. Chipping Norton has a great tradition of panto so you have to do it properly, without relying on a boy band member or famous comedian to get you through. But the cast is fantastic and a panto is the best way to lift the gloom," he says.
Graeme has got three children, all grown-up now, with his son John being the keyboard player for The Scissor Sisters.
His second son is a conceptual artist in Sweden and their sister an assistant headteacher.
"They are all used to getting up and performing in front of large groups of people," Graeme says.
"But I have to say, with John in the Scissor Sisters, I get asked about him all the time. And yet he spent his entire childhood with people saying 'isn't your dad one of the Goodies?', so now I can sympathise. The boot is on the other foot."
Sleeping Beauty runs until January 10 at The Theatre Chipping Norton. Box Office: 01608 642350.
(28th Nov)
 
 
* A review of the play appeared in the Oxford Times on Wednesday at http://www.chippingnortontheatre.com/index.php?p=whatson&id=235
The play will be at The Theatre, Chipping Norton, until Saturday, January 10. Tickets can be purchased from 01608 642350 or http://www.chippingnortontheatre.com/index.php?p=whatson&id=235  
(28th Nov)
 
 
* Here's another review of Graeme's panto, which is playing at The Theatre in
Chipping Norton through January 10th. This is from The Stage and can be read at http://www.thestage.co.uk/reviews/review.php/22563/sleeping-beauty
(1st Dec)
 
 
* Thanks to Sosia for posting the following news in the www.goodiesruleok.com forums:
It seems Graeme's been doodling again - this time for the Willow Foundation's Stars on Canvas auction. The website http://www.willowfoundation.org.uk/starsoncanvas  gives the relevant details.
Graeme's canvas can be found at http://www.willowfoundation.org.uk/graeme_garden
(1st Dec)
 
 
* Graeme reports that there will be new series of "The Unbelievable Truth" and "One" next year.
(1st Dec)
 
 
* In an article available online at http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main.jhtml?xml=/arts/2008/12/03/btpanto203.xml , The Telegraph named The Theatre, Chipping Norton's production of "Sleeping Beauty", written by Graeme, as one of the Top 10 pantos for this Christmas. The excerpt regarding Sleeping Beauty reads:
Sleeping Beauty The Theatre, Chipping Norton, 01608 642350 ;www.chippingnortontheatre.com. Local man Graeme Garden (of Goodies fame) has written a traditional production for this exquisite small theatre - and they throw sweets into the audience too. To Jan 10.
(2nd Dec)
 
 
* BBC Radio 7 has begun another repeat of "Giles Wemmbley-Hogg Goes Off" series 1 on Tuesdays; Graeme contributed to the scripts for this series. (Available from http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/console/b007jwbg )
(2nd Dec)
 
 
* Thanks to Sosia for posting the following in the club's forums http://www.goodiesruleok.com/forum.php  ):
The Radio Times for a fortnight's time (I'm confused by how many editions have fallen through my letterbox this week!) is listing the Christmas Unbelievable Truth as being broadcast on Monday 15th December at 6.30pm on Radio 4. I presume it will be in IPlayer for the following week.
Details are
The Unbelievable Truth Christmas Special
Monday 15 December
6:30pm - 7:00pm
BBC Radio 4
David Mitchell hosts a special Christmas edition of the game show in which panellists are encouraged to tell lies and compete to see how many items of truth they are able to smuggle past their opponents. The panel are Graeme Garden, Jack Dee, Armando Iannucci and Sean Lock.
(3rd Dec)
 
 
* Mon, 15 Dec - "The Unbelievable Truth Christmas Special" on BBC Radio 4 at 18:30. The show will be available for a week after broadcast from Listen Again.
(7th Dec)
 
 
* Weds, 17 Dec - "What the Dickens?" with Graeme Garden on Sky Arts at 19:30. The show will be repeated on the channel multiple times over the following week - check your local listings for details.
(7th Dec)
 
 
TIM SPOTTINGS
 
* Tim's Doctor Who episode - The Zygon who fell to Earth - will be on BBC Radio 7 this Sunday (Nov. 23rd) at 6pm and available the following week from Listen Again at http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00fn4b2
(Wackywales – 17th Nov)
 
 
* Tim is scheduled to take part in a charity wine tasting event for ActionAid. The first article (link below) is a press release about the event. The second is the event info as currently listed on ActionAid's website. Both sites provide a link to purchase tickets (which should take you to https://support.actionaid.org.uk/store/search_results.asp?search_type=category&prod_cat_id=27  )
ARTICLE 1:
ARTICLE 2:
(20th Nov)
 
 
* Tim will be appearing in another episode of "Heartbeat" next year.
(1st Dec)
 
 
I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE (ISIHAC) and
I'M SORRY I'LL READ THAT AGAIN (ISIRTA)
 
* "I'm Sorry I haven't A Christmas Carol" was repeated on BBC7 this past Saturday (Nov. 15th) as part of Comedy Winners. It can be heard from Listen Again through next weekend from http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b007s0q0
Here's the listing: "Mark Radcliffe introduces a further prize selection of comedy from the likes of Linda Smith, Stephen Fry, Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Christmas Carol (25/12/2003), The Nick Revell Show (01/02/1992), The LL files (08/06/2000), The Now Show (09/05/2003), The Boosh (16/12/2002)"
(Wackywales – 17th Nov)
 
 
* I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Mailout 17.11.08
 
Dear I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Mailing List Member
This is the last mailout of 2008.
Firstly we'd like to tell you that 2 entertain (co-owned by BBC Worldwide) have recently published the long-awaited DVD of I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue. It was filmed at the Lowry Centre on Sunday 6th April, just ten days before Humph went into hospital. It has been listed at No 1 in the The Independent's selection of 'The Ten Best Comedy DVDs' and Time Out say of it that the team "really are as funny as the sound on the radio; there's no snappy editing here, this is just 100 minute of improvised brilliance". The DVD distributor has arranged a discount of £3.75 to members of this mailing list if you purchase the DVD from the BBC Shop online. Here's how you do it:
1. Log onto the ISIHAC DVD link at the BBC Shop by clicking here:
2. Keep clicking 'Checkout' until you get the the page saying 'Please sign in' when you add your email address, and if you're not a returning customer, click 'Checkout as guest', or set up an account. It'll then ask you to add some details, address, phone number etc.
3. When you get to the page, 'Order Summary', click on the option 'Redeem a Promotion Code' under the red banner heading saying 'Additional Services'. In the box provided type in the code: ISIHAC08 and click 'Continue'
The £3.75 off your order is as follows: £1.30 is 10% off the DVD which they are currently selling at £12.99 and remaining £2.45 is the price of the postage. The offer expires 31st December - a user can use the code only once - this code is exclusive to the ISIHAC DVD.
 
Secondly, Random House Books would like you to know that they are offering 'Lyttelton's Britain' (Humphrey's collected opening histories to all the towns and cities we visited during his chairmanship of the show) and Barry and Graeme's new Hamish & Dougal Book as a "2 for 1" offer. It works out a couple of pounds cheaper than Amazon and there are no product codes required. Both are hardbacks. Here's the link:
 
Thirdly, free tickets have just become available for a one-off Christmas Special of 'The Unbelievable Truth', the Radio 4 panel game devised by Graeme Garden and myself, which we're recording on Wednesday 3rd December 2008 at the Shaw Theatre in Euston Road (doors open, recording starts 7.30pm). It's hosted by the excellent David Mitchell, and the panel includes Graeme Garden and Jack Dee. You'll need to order swiftly as there's only 400 available and they'll go quickly. Here's a link:
 
Fourthly, there are two other excellent ISIHAC-related books that would make good Xmas presents. The first is 'The New Uxbridge English Dictionary':
And the other is: 'Last Chorus: An Autobiographical Medley', a collection of Humph's writings by his son Stephen, which includes many Humph cartoons, photos and some fascinating previously unpublished diaries:
 
Fifthly, in response to a request by many of you for the date when BBC4 will be repeating the Humphrey Lyttelton Tribute documentary - the latest from BBC4
is that this will now happen on Tuesday 16th December at 8pm.
 
And finally, Jeremy Hardy has asked me to let you know that he is on tour and hopes you might be able to catch his show at a theatre near you. Here are the dates:
 
And that's about the size of it once more. Here's wishing you a very Merry Christmas. We look forward to seeing you once again in 2009.
With best wishes
Jon Naismith
Producer, "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue"
(17th Nov)
 
 
* I received the following news from Graeme this morning:
"Good news for Oz fans - 2|entertain are hoping to release the Clue DVD in Australia in March 2009. 
 We recorded a Christmas edition of the Unbelievable Truth last night – due for broadcast on Dec 15th. On the panel were me, Jack Dee, Armando Ianucci and Sean Lock. I think it will be a very funny half hour - we recorded nearly 120 minutes!"
(4th Dec)
 
 
* Tues, 16 Dec - "Legends: Humphrey Lyttelton" is repeated on BBC 4 at 20:00.
(7th Dec)
 
 
* Tues, 16 Dec - The "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" television special is repeated on BBC 4 at 21:00.
(7th Dec)
 
 
* Mondays - "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again" with Tim, Graeme & Bill is being repeated on BBC Radio 7 at 12.30pm and 7.30pm. The show can be heard worldwide via the internet from www.bbc.co.uk/radio7 ; each episode will be available for a week after broadcast from Listen Again at http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b009zbr2  
(7th Dec)
 
 
* Thursdays - "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue" repeats BBC Radio 7.   The show will be available online from www.bbc.co.uk/radio7; repeats will be available for a week after broadcast from http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b006qnwb  
(7th Dec)
 
 
5. A COLLECTION OF GOODIES THEMES #9
************************************
 
GOODIES TARGETS: TONY BLACKBURN
(by Brett Allender)
 
Antony Kenneth Blackburn was born in Guildford, Surrey in 1943 and began his career as a singer, then worked as a DJ for the offshore "pirate radio stations" Radio Caroline and Radio London. He was the first DJ to be heard on BBC Radio 1 when it was launched in 1967 and hosted the breakfast show until 1973. With his singing career only being moderately successful (of 14 singles released, two made the UK Top 40 - "So Much Love" and "It's Only Love"), he then focussed on radio presenting. His cheerful style and corny jokes made him a popular figure, although his preference for bubblegum and mainstream pop (and later, soul) and dislike of heavy rock and punk got him offside with others, most notably his fellow Radio 1 DJ John Peel. Blackburn also regularly hosted Top Of The Pops on BBC Television during the mid 1970s, making him a prime target for the Goodies to have fun at his expense. 
 
Nowadays he is still hosting weekly and weekend radio shows and making occasional TV appearances, most notably when he was the winner of ITV's reality show "I'm A Celebrity … Get Me Out Of Here!" in 2002. He also made headlines in 2004 when he was temporarily suspended from his radio show on Classic Gold for playing Cliff Richard songs in defiance of a management ruling that Cliff's music didn't fit the station's demographic, though he (and Cliff's music) were soon reinstated. However it's his mentions and guest appearances in The Goodies in the prime of their run on TV and in the pop charts that is the main focus of this article.
 
Blackburn's first two "appearances" in the show come very early in the first series courtesy of Bill's wild lemon sherbet hallucinations. Bill's visions in "Give Police A Chance" betray his own lofty ambition of becoming a pop star with a fleeting glimpse of Jimmy Savile followed by a more substantial one of Blackburn, causing the bombastic Police Commissioner to bark: "Who's that poof?!" Tim: "It's Tony Blackburn." Graeme: "He (Bill) wants to be on Top Of The Pops". Similarly in "Playgirl Club" Bill attempts to use his visions to find out what's happened to Tim when he hasn't returned from a women-only club after three whole weeks, but he can only muster another vision of Blackburn, to which an annoyed Graeme tells him to concentrate on "Girls, girls, girls".
 
In "the Baddies" episode from the end of Series 2, The Goodies are running a 'Nicest Person Of The Year Award'. Graeme takes bets on the winner, with themselves in the running against people like Liberace, Tony Blackburn, Moira Anderson, Lovelace Watkins, Hughie Green - "a bunch of creeps", according to Bill. Prior to Bill entering the room though, Graeme is determining the odds of the various entrants despite Tim huffily declaring that Graeme is lowering the dignity of the whole event. Graeme (looking at his odds board): "Bah! Tony Blackburn. 20 to 1?" Tim (indignantly): "No! … 50 to 1!" G: "Yeah." T: "A hundred!"
Later in the episode when all of the nominees for 'Nice Person Of The Year' are suddenly caught doing horrid things in public, Bill finds an odd-looking photo in a newspaper: "Look at this one. Tony Blackburn on Top Of The Pops strangling a kitten!" Graeme (suspiciously): "Wait a minute ... do you notice anything? Look at Tony Blackburn's face. Look at that weird fixed grin and that strange blank look in his eyes." Bill (dismissively): "He always looks like that!"
 
At the start of Series 3 in "The New Office" when the Goodies have moved into their new disused railway station, Bill is most indignant when firstly Tim, and then Graeme, tells him to get out of their particular sections and into his own area. Bill's anger and frustration is swiftly relieved however by removing the cover from his Tony Blackburn punching ball and throwing a few well-aimed punches at it! Three episodes later in "That Old Black Magic" a possessed Graeme starts to take on the identities of various celebrities at Bill's command, including Eammon Andrews ("And tonight Witch Hazel, this is your life!"), Walter Gabriel ("Elllllo deeere!") and Eddie Waring ("Well Hull Kingston Rovers had a good game..."). However Bill's command of "Take Tony Blackburn." has an appalled Tim pleading "Please ... take Tony Blackburn!" before Graeme can even squeeze a quick impression in. A third brief wisecrack about Blackburn in this series comes in the "Superstar" special at the end where Bill has been transformed into rockstar Randy Pandy at the hands of his unscrupulous agent, Isobel Chintz. Isobel gushingly tells Bill: "Tonight you're gonna perform the big showstopping, amazingly tasteless number on Top Of The Pops. Oh kid, when Tony Blackburn sees you, he's gonna drop dead from embarrassment", to which Graeme matter-of-factly states "Oh well, at least some good will come of it!"
 
"Hospital For Hire" in Series 4 features one of the all-time classic Goodies quotes with Blackburn as the unfortunate victim of the punchline. Graeme is spruiking his magic cure-all elixir with almost evangelical fervour and launches into the following spiel to his engrossed audience: "My friends, this here bottle contains a guaranteed all-purpose remedy for prostration, inflation and frustration ... pneumonia and old monia ... distemper, dat temper and bad temper ... sunburn, heartburn ... and Tony Blackburn!" This proclamation is met with much hootin', hollerin' and hat throwin' by the Wild West-type mob, so a cure for Tony must have been a much sought-after medical breakthrough in those days!
 
The Series 5 episode of "Chubby Chumps" has the housewives' darling DJ Terry encouraging all of his listeners to enter the Miss Housewife Of The Year competition shortly after he has herded them off to a health farm to ensure that he's got some decent-looking talent to judge. Regarding the prizes for this competition, Terry states: "And don't forget, first prize is a night out with me. Second prize - a night out with Tony Blackburn. Third prize - two nights out with Tony Blackburn...!"
 
Shortly afterwards, Terry is promptly sacked for describing his fans as "fat old bats" while not realising that he is still on-air, so Graeme assumes his role as the new DJ at BBC Radio. After falling through the rickety old cobweb-laden door and finding a skeleton at the microphone, Graeme takes over and in a stunning burst of power-crazed lunacy, reels off one of the best batches of imitations ever recorded. Former targets Walter Gabriel ("Oh deaaar, oh deaaar") and Eddie Waring (a heap of babble which requires an interpreter) aren't spared, nor is Jimmy Savile ("clunk, click, aaahaaa!") and Alan "Fluff" Freeman ("Hi there pop pickers …"). While Graeme is moonlighting as DJ Emperor Caligula, he introduces "Tony Blackburn" - a miniature lookalike wooden dummy who he sits up on his knee and provides its voice ventriloquist-style. T: "Well Enkeror … look at me when I'm talkin' to yer! … Well Enkeror, I only like gugglegum music." EC: "You only like bubblegum music, Tony, m'boy?" T: "Yes, and especially …" (T goes out of control at this stage, and starts attacking EC) EC: "Watch it, Tony! Watch it."… (EC regains control of T and sits him back on his knee again) T: "Especially … Little Jimmy … Osmond!". Emperor Caligula then roars "Thank you, Tony Blackburn!" and has great delight in hurling "Tony" off his knee and well away out of camera shot!
 
In these heady days of the mid-70s, The Goodies was not only one of the most popular shows on British TV; they were also one of the top-selling musical groups with five Top-20 singles in the UK charts in 1975. Graeme sums up the situation at the time very astutely with the following recollection from the 2005 special "Return Of The Goodies": "It then became a little awkward because we had records out and we needed to be on Tony Blackburn's playlist. We thought we could either start being nice about him, which would be totally mealy-mouthed and unacceptable, or we could just go on sending him up but invite him onto the show and send him up"
 
That particular show proved to be "Scatty Safari", made in the middle of the classic Series 5 in March 1975 just as the music career of The Goodies was really hitting its peak as well. The Goodies are running a Star Safari Park with wondrous creatures like Steptoe and Son, Liberace, Dick Emery and Monty Python's Gumbies being on parade in their natural habitat for hordes of camera-clicking tourists to marvel at. However Bill finds it all a bit too much hard work with having to give Racquel Welsh a rubdown and heaving a bucket of slops at Oliver Reed, so he is mortified when he sees Tim taking a fancy supper to the park's number one attraction. B: "Good grief! Here I am ravenous and you're giving that lot to Tony Blackburn?!" T: "It's Tony the visitors come to see. He deserves a little luxury. (walks into Blackburn's stable) There's a good boy. Nice din-dins for Tonykins!" B (scornfully, to Graeme): "Honestly! The way he talks to him, you'd think he was human!"
 
However Tim soon emerges from the stable in a very upset state, blubbering that all is not well with Tony (as Bill rubs his hands together with glee and callously chirps "Ah, he won't want his supper then, will he?!") and Graeme confirms that their star exhibit is fading fast. B (bluntly): "Don't worry, he was a bit past it really, wasn't he?" T: (indignantly): "Tony? Past it?!" B: "Yeah he's getting on a bit y'know. I mean, you count his teeth! Be honest, he's got hundreds!" Graeme humanely fetches a rifle, but is stopped by Tim, who insists that it's his duty to put Blackburn out of his misery because "… he knows me, he trusts me, I must be the one to do it." Unfortunately (or fortunately for Blackburn at least!) Tim can't pluck up enough courage to fire the fatal shot himself, and then scares the hell out of Bill and Graeme (who have their ears covered awaiting the bang!) when he re-emerges, shrieking: "I couldn't do it! Those big brown eyes looking up at me. I swear he could understand every word I said. I just couldn't do it!". Bill enthusiastically offers to have a go instead, but Tim comes to the conclusion that Blackburn isn't sick after all, but merely pining for his freedom and the call of the wild, so they decide to release him instead.
 
The crate containing Blackburn is transported to an open meadow on the roof of the Star Safari Park van and then less-than-carefully heaved onto the ground upside down. Blackburn emerges and then rubs his eyes from the glare of the sunlight before running in epic fashion across the meadow to his freedom to the theme music of 'Black Beauty' upon the urging of the Goodies. In the middle of the meadow and free at last, he pauses and waves goodbye, but sadly his freedom doesn't last for long as he is brutally cut down with a shotgun blast from a big game hunter, who pauses, grunts with approval, marks a notch on his gun and gruffly declares: "And now for Jimmy Young!"
 
Tim sheds bucketfuls of tears back at the Star Safari Park after Blackburn's demise, as Bill tries to console him. B: "I know you miss him, but you see, Tony's happy now. He's up there romping merrily in that great Radio 1 club in the sky." T: "Oh I don't care about him anymore, it's just that without a big star we're not going to make any more money.   Stuff Tony Blackburn!" B (excitedly): "That's an idea!" T: "No, the visitors would notice." B: "No they wouldn't. Hardly any difference!" Of course, following Tony's demise, the Goodies eventually find an even bigger star for their safari park … Rolf … Plaster Of Harris … but he'll be the subject of a separate article of his own later!
 
Bill also touches on Blackburn's role in "Scatty Safari" while reminiscing for "Return Of The Goodies", saying: "And of course, he did exactly the right thing of enjoying the joke and coming along and allowing himself to be the butt of the joke." Blackburn was even able to indulge in a little cross-promotion when hosting The Goodies on "Top Of The Pops" shortly after "Scatty Safari" was screened, telling his audience: "I don't know if you ever watch BBC2 at 9 o'clock like I do, fabulous show called The Goodies, very funny. After what they did to me last week, I think they've got a cheek showing their faces in here, but I shall forgive them."
 
Blackburn then ends up making a second guest appearance on The Goodies" in 1975 in the special "Goodies Rule OK". As part of the rebellion against the repressively boring Standing Party government, the Goodies are now known as the 'unmentionables', and after they cause havoc with the St.Valentines Day custard pie massacre, they seek refuge in underground 'joke-easys'. Their mission involves finding all of the banned entertainers who now have other jobs and reviving their careers. Their cruise around the streets at breakneck pace in a big black limo sees them rounding up forgotten stars, including Tommy Cooper and Rolf Harris (who has three legs kicking away out the window after being snaffled!), and eventually they spy a rather lairily-dressed Tony Blackburn reading a paper on a street corner. They slow down and he approaches the car, smiling at the notion that someone wants him at last, but after a few shakes of heads, the car rapidly speeds away, leaving a poor rejected Tony crying in the street!
 
After Blackburn's two live appearances on The Goodies in Series 5, it's back to the traditional Goodies verbal and visual means of insulting him in the next series. In "Lips Or Almighty Cod", Graeme is still desperately trying to annoy his camp cod Brian and the other fish at his farm to make them cranky enough to scare away the ever-menacing Eskimos from Britain's waterways. Tim and Bill have long given up on such a stupid concept, but Graeme is determined to discover the scientific breakthough of how to annoy fish: "All right. 1001 Ways To Make You Cross - chapter 38! (bellows into huge megaphone) Noel Gordon is TV Personality Of The Year. Again! The Radio Times is the biggest selling magazine in Europe (almost losing his voice!) TONY BLACKBURN! Oh dear, doesn't anything get you going?!"
Then at the start of the next episode "Hype Pressure", Graeme is attempting to learn the guitar with the assistance of an interesting literary source - a book called 'Play The Guitar My Way - And Other Jokes' by Tony Blackburn! Blackburn's hidden guitar skills sadly don't get to rub off on Graeme, for each jangling note he plays draws a complaint from Bill. who is desperately trying to write some more sure-fire, number one, chartbusting songs without success and is merely getting further distracted by Graeme's background racket.
 
The final two series of BBC episodes and also the LWT one go by without any further mention of Blackburn as the Goodies seem to focus on other targets in later episodes. Perhaps the use of Blackburn as a target unintentionally coincided with the flow of The Goodies' own music career which was at its peak at the time around Series 5 and 6 but then ebbed away as the 70s drew to a close. Still Blackburn obviously relished his guest roles and sendups, judging by his appearance on Bill's "This Is Your Life" in 2001 and contributions to the "Return Of The Goodies" special in 2005. On "This Is Your Life", Blackburn walks onto the stage as one of a trio of "Goodies survivors" along with Frank Thornton (the punk toastmaster in "Punky Business") and Henry McGee (the Music Master / Nasty Person), joining host Michael Aspel who is himself a Goodies survivor, having lived to tell the tale of being squashed by Kitten Kong's giant paw almost 30 years earlier!
 
Blackburn's recollections of his role in "Scatty Safari" on "This Is Your Life" go as follows: "Yes well I was actually in the Celebrity Theme Park, I don't know if you remember this …" (Bill (chortling): "Oh well, of course we remember it!" with Tim and Graeme grinning in the background) "I was kept in a stable and there was a time when I yearned for my freedom, so you released me very kindly into a field, I galloped off and then you shot me! (with footage of the dastardly deed screening in the background) And I still survived it, we had a great time, really enjoyed it!" Blackburn was equally effusive about being a Goodies target when interviewed for "Return Of The Goodies" and a couple of his quotes from this show are further proof that he's a good sport: "I was a running gag in the show, which for any performer, anybody on radio or television, is a delight … The whole of my life I've been sent up by everybody and I love it. And the Goodies did a marvellous job." That they did, for sure!
 
Website article & photo gallery:
 
Next theme (Feb): Graeme's Inventions
 
 
6. GOODIES CROSSWORD SOLUTION
*****************************
(by Brett Allender)
 
Here's the solution for the Goodies crossword in last month's edition.
 
The original puzzle and clues can be found in the "Articles/Guides" section of the website at http://www.goodiesruleok.com/articles.php?id=88&page=5  along with the solution on a separate page.
 

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7. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
***********************
 
(a) Graeme
(b) The animals that he is supposedly looking after
(c) Black And White Beauty
(d) A curly-coated bull corgi
(e) A white feather duster
(f) The Obedience & Intelligence Prize
(g) Robin Day's
(h) That he "can't stand dogs!"
 
YOUR SCORE:
8    Mastermind Of The Year
7    Goodies fan supreme
5-6 Clever clogs
3-4 Reasonably Goodie
1-2 Thick as old boots
0    Rolf Harris!
 
 
NEXT C&G EDITION:
- #158:    12th January 2009.
 
UPCOMING: (Lone Scout's Honour!)
January: MUSIC REVIEW: "Spring Spring Spring"
 
C&G BACK ISSUES CONTENTS INDEX: http://www.goodiesruleok.com/articles.php?id=45
 
*******************************************************************************
The Goodies Fan Club Clarion and Globe is copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 2008. All rights reserved.
Permission to reproduce this work or any section of it, in any form must first be obtained from the copyright holders.
 
For further information regarding this publication please e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>.
For other general enquiries about the 'Goodies Rule - OK' fan club or 'The Goodies' itself, please e-mail enquiries@goodiesruleok.com
 
TO OBTAIN THIS NEWSLETTER IN WORD DOCUMENT FORM:
E-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> requesting transfer to the Word mailing list.
******************************************************************************
 



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