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C&G 154 Sep 2008
Sep 2008 - Print Email PDF 
Posted by bretta 12/09/2008

Index

» Sep 2008

       **********************************************
       *   THE GOODIES FAN CLUB CLARION AND GLOBE   *
       **********************************************
 
 
    * THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK!' *
             (http://www.goodiesruleok.com )
 
 
Issue No. 154                   12th September 2008
 
 
THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G
******************************
 
EDITOR
- Brett Allender <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>
 
ACE REPORTER:
- Lisa Manekofsky
 
GOODIES MUSIC REVIEWER:
- Linda Kay
 
C&G CONTRIBUTORS:
Graeme Garden, Amanda Stokes, David Balston, Wackywales, Lizbetty, Sosia, Daniel Bowen, Edna, Saucy Gibbon
 
 
CONTENTS
********
 
1. QUIZ & QUOTE - Goodies brainteasers for you and you and you
2. BOFFO IDEAS - The latest club news and happenings
3. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.
4. 2001 AND A BIT - Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.
5. FEATURE ARTICLE – Extracts from Bill's Autobiography
6. FEATURE ARTICLE – Graeme Garden interview – The Independent
7. GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW #36 – The Last Chance Dance
8. GOODIES WORD FINDER
9. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
 
 
1. QUIZ & QUOTE
***************
(by "Magnus Magnesium")
 
QUOTE: "Too many times you've taken too much from us. London Bridge ... the Queen Mary ... Julie Andrews and David Frost. And we're grateful!"
 
(a) Which Goody says this quote?
(b) Who is he speaking to?
(c) Which episode is this quote from?
 
QUIZ: This month's questions are from the episode "The End".
(d) Who is the property developer that Graeme is working for?
(e) Why does Graeme's building design have no doors, windows or rooms in it?
(f) Which phrase (and accompanying gesture) does Tim utter for the first time when he realises that the Goodies are trapped?
(g) What does Tim give Bill to bring on his burping?
(h) What is Bill's new holy name upon becoming a Muslim?
 
The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.
 
 
2. BOFFO IDEAS
**************
 
You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail <enquiries@goodiesruleok.com> with your comments, ideas or suggestions - meanwhile these are the boffo ideas which our club has been working on this month:
 
WEBSITE POLLS
 
Last month's poll canvassed the idea of other educational films for the Goodies to turn their talents to, however most of the public must have been still wrapped up in white sheets after taking part in "How To Make Babies By Doing Dirty Things" judging by the lower-than-usual voter turnout. Still, in a low but evenly-spread vote, a video on cream mining to solve those money worries was a popular choice from how to keep those pesky Rolfs tied down while in captivity, with dinosaur ID next on the agenda, make no bones about it!
 
In an episode of their TV show The Goodies make a gender education film. What other educational film should they make?
- Training Champion Pantomime Horses         6 votes
- Creative Ways to Combat Pollution          6 votes
- Organizing a Three Person Music Festival   2 votes
- How to Clean Museum Antiquities            1 vote
- Identifying Dinosaurs, Inside and Out     12 votes
- Run Your Own Film Studio                  10 votes
- The Perils of Mixed Dancing                9 votes
- The Goodies' Guide to Punk                 9 votes
- Cream Mining for Fun & Profit             22 votes
- How to Care for Celebrity Park Rolfs      17 votes
Total                                     94 votes
 
Now everyone has their own conspiracy theory on why the BBC has stubbornly refused to repeat "The Goodies" for the past 30 years when it has flogged various other comedies from the same era to death over and over again ... well, everyone perhaps except for Graeme Garden, who when asked about this issue in a C&G interview, cleverly replied: "Of course I don't have a conspiracy theory. I am not allowed to."
 
Well maybe he isn't allowed to, but the rest of us are, and this month's poll gives you plenty of good ones to choose from. So get along to the website before the ruddy BBC refuses to allow voting on repeats of The Goodies as well and cast your vote. You know it makes sense!
 
What do you think might be the reason the BBC doesn't repeat "The Goodies"?
- it's an evil plot of Nasty Person
- don't want to restart Ecky Thump craze
- too unhip to appreciate The Funky Gibbon
- afraid it will make new shows look bad
- think Nicholas Parsons masks too scary
- too afraid of restarting Goodymania
- fail to see how popular repeats would be
- other
- not enough Rolf Harris
 
 
3. SPOTTED!!!
*************
 
More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the Goodies recently, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! the Goodies this month:
 
WHEN WERE WE FUNNIEST?
(Lisa Manekofsky – 28th Aug)
 
* Thurs, 28 Aug - "When Were We Funniest?" on UKTV Gold at 21:00-22:00 is the 1960's results show.
 
 
GOODIES RESCREENINGS
(Lisa Manekofsky – 28th Aug)
 
* various dates & times - The Comedy Channel in Australia occasionally is repeating episodes of "The Goodies". Consult their website (at http://www.comedychannel.com.au/WhatsOn/Detail.aspx?id=211 ) for details about episodes coming up in the next 7 days.
 
 
THE MIGHTY BOOSH
(Amanda Stokes & Brett Allender – 2nd Sep)
 
In the television section of Herald Sun dated 1st September, Kit Galer, writer of On the Couch, compares the Mighty Boosh, which you can see on SBS on Mondays at 8:55pm, with The Goodies.
 
Below is part of the article written by Kit:
 
Remember the good old Goodies? Imagine them punk and disorderly and you'll be Mighty close.
… Yes, well, welcome to Britain's The Mighty Boosh, which can claim some sort of surreal lineage with The Goodies of 40 years ago. Tonight's episode is called Journey to the Centre of the Punk. And it's seriously odd.
Vince has reinforced his punk persona with a safety pin once worn by Sid Vicious, to make him angry about stuff.
"I'm the lead singer with Terminal Margaret," he tells Howard. "And they're coming around, so don't be showing them Stationary Village."
But Howard can't resist and in the ensuing pushing and shoving Vince takes a bit out of Voodoo Scat.
Later that evening his punk band is playing in a club and going down a storm when suddenly the jazz germs on the piece of vinyl he bit off take over and he starts singing "biddly, piddly, bebop, doowop, da, doo, diddly" and the like, resulting in Terminal Margaret being booed off the stage and him lapsing into a scat-induced coma
There are Goodies moments, but this is an altogether weirder path trodden by writers and stars Howard (Julian Barratt) and Vince (Noel Fielding).
What they do seem to have in common is daft solutions to improbable problems. Graeme Garden was forever creating ludicrous machines for the goody-goody Goodies to use while the other two pranced about, and The Mighty Boosch team seems equally hooked. Tonight a small submarine miraculously appears in the Nabootique. It, Howard and his blind mate Lester Corncrake (Rich Fulcher) must be shrunk to molecular size then injected in to Vince's bloodstream because Howlin' Jimmy put a bit of himself in his records and his blood cells carry the deadly jazz virus. Ad that makes the bit of Voodoo Scat he ate a killer.
 
 
THEN COMES THE BIG PUSH …!
(Daniel Bowen – 11th Sep)
 
Definitely in the spirit of the Pirate Post Office, apparently Google is considering data centres at sea.
 
 
4. 2001 AND A BIT
*****************
 
If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays. Those of you seeking radio and tv alerts between issues of the C&G should consider signing up for the Goodies-l mailing list (more details available on the club website), as our crack (cracked?!) team of reporters attempt to post alerts as the information becomes available.
 
** (All items in this section contributed by Lisa Manekofsky, except where otherwise credited) **
 
BILL SPOTTINGS
 
* Bill is scheduled to appear on "This Morning" on Tues, 2nd Sept on ITV1 to promote his new autobiography. The show airs from 10:30 to 11:15. Let us know if you spot any other interviews to promote the book, which will be published on 4th Sept!
(21st Aug)
 
 
* Bill is scheduled to take part in a celebrity quiz as part of "The National Lottery - Big 7" on BBC 1 Saturday, 30 Aug. The first part of the show airs from 20:00 to 20:50 while the second part starts at 21:20 and finishes at 22:00. It looks like the quiz runs over both sections. 
(From information by Lisa Manekofsky & Wackywales - 21st Aug)
 
 
* A BBC Radio 4 Show called "Beardyman and the Mimics" (to be broadcast Sat, 30 Aug at 10:30-12:30) will include an appearance by Bill (although he isn't the "Beardyman" of the title ;). Here's a listing:
        "Champion beatboxer Beardyman, aka Darren Foreman, is a master of vocal artistry. He can make all manner of noises, including entire percussive music tracks, using only his mouth, throat and tongue. Inspired by the lyrebird, he ventures on a personal journey to unveil the secrets of animal vocal mimicry. He encounters ornithologist and musician Bill Oddie, birdsong scientific experts and a whole new world of sounds."
(From information by Lisa Manekofsky & Wackywales - 21st Aug)
 
 
* Tues, 9 Sept - "Who Do You Think You Are? on TG4 at 10:30 is a repeat of Bill's episode.
(28th Aug)
 
 
Thanks to wackywales and Lizbetty for letting us know on the club's website that Bill appeared on "The One Show" this past Friday night (Aug 29th). For anyone who missed the show, it is available on BBC's iplayer at http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00d624x/  (unfortunately this is only available for UK residents).
(1st Sep)
 
 
* Bill was also popped up on BBC1's "The National Lottery Big 7" on Saturday 30th August which can be seen in two parts. Part one - http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00dcj3w/b00dchqp/ and Part two http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00dcn89/b00dcn4m/
(David Balston – 2nd Sep)
 
 
* Bill Oddie was interviewed about his autobiography on Simon Mayo's BBC Radio 5 show Monday (Sept 1st). The show can be heard from Listen Again through next Monday from http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/fivelive_aod.shtml?fivelive/mayo_mon  - Bill's interview starts at the one hour mark. 
(3rd Sep)
 
 
* The publication date for the audiobook of Bill's autobiography has been changed to October 16th.
(3rd Sep)
 
 
* Sat, 20 Sept - "Saturday Live" on BBC Radio 4 at 9:00-10:00 on which Bill is scheduled to be a guest.
(9th Sep)
 
 
* Mon, 22 Sept - "Never Mind the Buzzcocks" on Dave at 22:20 is a repeat of the episode with Bill.
(9th Sep)
 
 
GRAEME SPOTTINGS
 
* Thanks to wackywales for posting the following in the club's forums:
"Well, he's kept us waiting till the end of the series but Graeme's episode of 'Would I Lie To You?' will finally be broadcast at 9pm, BBC 1 on Friday 29th August.
From my tv mag...
"Would I Lie To You? Last in the panel game series. Tonight's guests are former Eastender Phil Daniels, TV host Lauren Laverne, comedian Michael McIntyre and former Goodie Graeme Garden"
(19th Aug)
 
 
* The BBC has put a two and a half minute preview of Graeme's appearance on "Would I Lie To You?" on YouTube; it can be accessed from http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=4E40261B140B1301 . The clip has the intriguing title "Graeme Garden Has 5 Pigs Named After His Favourite Newsreaders"
The full show airs on BBC One next Friday night (Aug. 29th).
(23rd Aug)
 
 
* Thanks for wackywales for spotting that Graeme's appearance on "Heartbeat" is scheduled for Sunday 31st August at 8pm on ITV 1. Here's a listing:
It Came from Outer Space
An explosion in the woods is linked to the activities of a villain working out of a local quarry. Rachel suspects the owner of supplying dynamite to armed robbery gangs, so Joe goes undercover to infiltrate the workforce - but ends up in mortal danger when his cover is blown. Meanwhile, Peggy sees an opportunity to make money when rumours abound that a meteorite caused the blast. Guest starring Bill Ward and Graeme Garden
(23rd Aug)
 
 
* Graeme was in ITV1's Heartbeat on Sunday 31st August which can be seen at http://www.itv.com/CatchUp/Video/default.html?ViewType=5&Filter=25671
(David Balston – 2nd Sep)
 
 
TIM SPOTTINGS
 
* According to the Rex Cinema's website
(http://www.therexcinema.com/therex/home/home.asp ), their September tickets for "Tim and Graeme's Classic Keaton Shorts" will go on general release this Saturday, 23 August, at 10.30am. Their Box Office can be reached at 01442 877759  
(20th Aug)
 
 
* Sun, 31 Aug - "Hello Cheeky" on BBC 7 at 13:30 (repeated later in the day at 19:30 and Monday morning at 6:30). The show can be heard worldwide via the internet from www.bbc.co.uk/bbc7 ; each episode will be available for a week after broadcast from Listen Again.
(28th Aug)
 
 
* Sat, 6 Sept & Sun, 7 Sept - "Golf Clubs with Tim Brooke-Taylor" on Discover Real Time Extra at 12:00-13:00 each day.
(28th Aug)
 
 
* Just a reminder that Tim & Graeme will be reprising the Buster Keaton show they presented at Slapstick 2008 in September next Sunday, 14 Sept, at The Barbican in London.
Tickets for the Barbican show are available from http://www.barbican.org.uk/film/event-detail.asp?ID=7876  or by calling the Box Office at 020 7638 8891 (9am-8pm daily).
Here's the show's description:
With Tim Brooke-Taylor and Graeme Garden + live piano accompaniment by Neil Brand
A unique afternoon of music, laughter and family entertainment!
We launch our autumn Silent Film and Live Music series with a delightful afternoon discovering the genius of Buster Keaton, alongside two of Britain's best-loved entertainers.
Former 'Goodies', and I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue panellists, Tim Brooke-Taylor and Graeme Garden, choose their favourite Keaton shorts (including his 1920 masterpiece comedy One Week), and explain how Keaton's films have influenced their lives and work.
The programme also includes a special montage of Goodies' scenes revealing the impact of Keaton on the Goodies' comedy.
Presented in collaboration with Bristol's Slapstick Silent Comedy Festival and Bristol Silents.
(7th Sep)
 
 
I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE (ISIHAC) and
I'M SORRY I'LL READ THAT AGAIN (ISIRTA)
 
* An article entitled "I'm sorry, we haven't a clue: Who will replace Humphrey Lyttelton?" about the future of ISIHAC can be found on The Independent's website at http://www.independent.co.uk/news/media/im-sorry-we-havent-a-clue-907191.html
(23rd Aug)
 
 
* Graeme Garden & Barry Cryer's book "The Doings of Hamish and Dougal" is scheduled to be published Thursday but online vendors (at least) already have it in stock.
Amazon.co.uk has it on sale for £9.09 (with free UK delivery). They will ship overseas. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Doings-Hamish-Dougal-Youll-Have/dp/1848090234/
Play.com is slightly higher at the moment, at £9.99 (with free UK delivery). http://www.play.com/Books/Books/4-/5487286/-/Product.html?searchstring=hamish+%26+dougal&searchsource=0
(27th Aug)
 
 
* Mondays - "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again" with Tim, Graeme & Bill is being repeated on BBC7 at 12.30pm and 7.30pm. The show can be heard worldwide via the internet from www.bbc.co.uk/bbc7 ; each episode will be available for a week after broadcast from Listen Again at http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/networks/bbc7/aod.shtml?bbc7/sorryreadthatagain  
(28th Aug)
 
 
* Thanks to Graeme Garden for passing along the following news:
"We've been working on the video recording of the stage version of Clue from Salford. We're hoping to release a DVD in November, and BBC4 are hoping to broadcast a 30 minute version on Sept 13th - so tell the chums to keep an eye out for that."
Sosia had spotted a preliminary listing for the DVD on Amazon at http://www.amazon.co.uk/Im-Sorry-Havent-Clue-Live/  
Expect the information there (including the release date) to be updated in the future.
(3rd Sep)
 
 
* Graeme Garden & Barry Cryer appeared on Jonathan Ross's BBC Radio 2 show this past Saturday, Aug 30th, to discuss their new book "The Doings of Hamish & Dougal". The full show can be heard from Listen Again through this Saturday from http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/radio2_aod.shtml?radio2/ross  The interview starts just before the 45 minute mark.
The show's website (http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio2/shows/ross/ ) has a link to download highlights from the episode.
(3rd Sep)
 
 
* Graeme Garden has kindly passed along the following info about upcoming publicity for their new book "The Doings of Hamish & Dougal":
"Baz and I are doing some local radio interviews on Wednesday, and recording a piece for the Alan Titchmarsh TV show, but I don't yet know when any of them will be broadcast."
Thanks, Graeme!
(7th Sep)
 
 
* Here's a summary of the Humphrey Lyttelton & I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue specials to be shown on BBC 4 this coming Friday & Saturday. 
 
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 12th:
21:00-22:00 Legends
Humphrey Lyttelton.
A profile of the late jazz musician, band leader and broadcaster Humphrey Lyttelton's 60-year career. Louis Armstrong described him as Britain's top trumpeter, but for more than 40 years he was equally well-known for hosting some of the BBC's most successful radio shows, including Radio 2's Best of Jazz and the hugely popular antidote to panel game shows, Radio 4's I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, in which Humph propelled the art of the double entendre to new heights.
22:00-22:50 Humph's Last Stand
Jazz trumpeter and raconteur Humphrey Lyttelton in a performance at the 2007 HSBC Brecon Jazz Festival, which turned out to be his last ever television recording. With an all star line-up including guest saxophonist Scott Hamilton, it is a set full of sheer wit and superb music.
 
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 13th:
22:30 - 23:00 I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue
Filmed in April 2008, just three weeks before his death, Humphrey Lyttelton chaired his final I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue at the Lowry Centre's Lyric Theatre in Salford. This touring show features many of Humph's best lines and favourite rounds from the Radio 4 series, and is the only complete filmed version of I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue in existence. The cast is the regular line up of Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor and pianist Colin Sell, with Jeremy Hardy as the guest panellist.
23:00 - 00:00 Legends (repeated)
00:00 - 00:50 Humph's Last Stand (repeated)
(7th Sep)
 
 
* Various news stories are appearing today confirming plans for "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" to return next year. The new item for those of us who have read other recent articles is a quote from head of Radio 4 Mark Damazer regarding the show's return. 
The links for these (fairly similar) articles are:
 
        - The Press Association (at http://ukpress.google.com/article/ALeqM5goNKu7MTOEKpGJvl2MkOb9yliHTg)
There is also an updated biography of Humph from The Telegraph (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/obituaries/2712075/Humphrey-Lyttelton.html )
(9th Sep)
 
 
* Thanks to Edna for letting us know that Graeme & Barry were interviewed on Les Ross's Show on BBC WM today (Weds, Sept. 10th). It should be available on Listen Again until the next edition airs tomorrow afternoon (UK time) from: http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/networks/wm/aod.shtml?wm/les_ross_wed  
Graeme & Barry's interview starts around the 2 hour mark. I think this episode might actually be available until replaced by next Wednesday's edition.
(10th Sep)
 
* Thanks to the good folks at the Saucy Gibbon forum who are reporting that Graeme & Barry will appear on the Alan Titchmarsh Show on ITV 1 tomorrow (Thurs., Sept 11th); the show airs from 3-4pm.
(10th Sep)
 
 
5. FEATURE ARTICLE
******************
(contributed by Lisa Manekofsky)
 
(Editor's note: The Daily Mail website recently featured 3 extracts from Bill Oddie's autobiography, "One Flew Into The Cuckoo's Egg". and Lisa provided a copy and paste of the full extracts to the Goodies-l mailing list and also the club website. As the extracts are rather lengthy and mainly deal with Bill's depression and relationship with his mother, only the website links for the full articles are listed below.
However the third extract contains a significant section regarding Bill's life dealing with the fame and recognition generated from the success of The Goodies in the 1970s, so this part of the extract has been reproduced in full for the newsletter.)
 
Website links:
 
* A long excerpt from Bill's forthcoming autobiography concerning his depression & his relationship with his mother is on the Daily Mail's website at http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1048416/My-Oddie-life-The-troubled-times-Wildlife-Bill.html
I recommend you visit the website, as it has some wonderful photos.
 
* A second excerpt from Bill's autobiography from The Daily Mail's
website is at http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1048847/The-day-I-discovered-mother-shut-away-mental-asylum-violent-schizophrenic-Bill-Oddie.html    Visit that page to see a selection of photos (some repeated from the first article, plus a few new ones).
 
* The Daily Mail has published a third (and final) extract from Bill's book.
Visit the website (at http://www.mailonsunday.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1049096/Bill-Oddie-How-I-spent-Seventies-making-lost-time-losing-virginity-spreading-wild-oats.html?ITO=1490 ) to see a wonderful photo of The Goodies in costumes from the "Snow White 2" episode.
 
Here's a cut & paste of the first half of the article which is Goodies-related:
 
Bill Oddie: How I spent the Seventies making up for lost time by losing my virginity and spreading my wild oats
By Bill Oddie
 
In yesterday's Mail, ex-Goodie and Springwatch star Bill Oddie revealed how his mother was put in a mental asylum - and how it haunted him when he had a series of mental breakdowns of his own. Here, in our final extract from his new autobiography, he recalls a very different aspect of his life . . .
 
Yes, I remember the 1970s. Fame, fortune and ****ing around. The latter quite literally for the second half of the decade, when I took full advantage of The Goodies' near rock 'n' roll status.
 
We were the seventh best-selling pop group in Britain in 1975 and I applied myself to - and largely succeeded in - making up for the lack of a 'wild oats' period which I should have had back in the 1960s. (I was a virgin until I was 18.)
 
To borrow from Dickens, the Seventies were for me 'the best of times and the worst of times', when many aspects of my life were almost constantly changing.
 
In the middle of the decade my first marriage was going wrong, bringing pain and confusion to my whole family. No one is unaffected at such times and it hit us all: my first wife Jean Hart, me and my gorgeous daughters Kate and Bonnie.
 
No blame, no details. But it's enough to say there was a fair bit of anger around. I was never ever 'a bit of a lad'. For gawd's sake, I was in my mid-30s when my first marriage ended, which had been great for ten years.
 
I was simply doing what I hadn't done when I was the age most blokes do it. There were young ladies who chose to express their gratitude for my part in The Goodies in a manner that was, let's say, not merely verbal. Stuff happened.
 
It was lovely. The girls were lovely. All of them. I hope they enjoyed whatever happened as much as I did. If I didn't thank them at the time, I'd like to thank them now. Very much. Thank you. I hope whatever has happened in the rest of your life has been good.
 
I know we weren't real pop stars. But during the mid Seventies we were certainly treated as though we were. Which could be quite nice, even exciting, but it could also be scary.
 
I'm not sure the screaming fans thing happens so much these days. Kids are probably 'cooler'. Do they mob pop stars? It's not on the news or in the papers, which it was all the time back in the Sixties and Seventies.
 
We've all seen those black-and-white clips of The Beatles or the Stones concerts, with thousands of hysterical teenage girls clawing at the stage, bursting into tears, being arm-locked by policemen or carted off by St John Ambulance.
 
That used to happen to just about any group in the Seventies. Especially young boy bands such as the Rollers, The Rubettes, Kenny - which was a group, not just one bloke! - and, believe it or not, it used to happen to us.
 
We were not a boy band. We were a thirty-something band. OK, a middle-aged band. I very much doubt if there was any hormonal element involved, it was just Goody mania and, to be honest, it could be pretty exciting, if not a wee bit intoxicating.
 
As long as our public appearances were organised properly, it was fine. No, let's face it, it was bloody amazing. We did the open-top bit when we switched on the Morecambe Christmas lights, and 'be honest' - as Eric would say - we revelled in it.
 
What we found harder to revel in were the book and record signings, which inevitably involved physical contact with the fans.
 
You can't sign autographs without being within arm's reach, and this is when you can start to feel vulnerable.
 
It's not that Goodies fans weren't polite and well-behaved, and anything tactile was usually affectionately intentioned and gratefully received.
 
However, when several hundred people are crammed into a small space trying to get at three middle-aged fellas - who are in there somewhere, but no one seems to know exactly where, and no one has thought about a safe and sensible queuing system - things can get out of hand, and a bit scary. This happened once at the Arndale Shopping Centre in Manchester. Some people began to panic. Unfortunately, those people were the police.
 
They were supposed to be escorting us - in a caring but platonic way – but alas, as has so often happened in history when custodians of law and order are confronted by youthful high spirits, they seem to lose all sense of humour and proportion. Here, instead of marshaling the crowd, they grabbed a loud-hailer and cancelled the whole event, which made things a lot less cheery.
 
They didn't resort to batons and water cannons, but suddenly the whole atmosphere didn't seem terribly appropriate at an event featuring The Goodies.
 
What freaked me out, as we used to say in the Seventies, was the fan in the street. For much of the time, I hated the off-screen attention. Some days I felt as if I was being hunted. By a pack. They were surrounding me, and there was no escape.
 
It would maybe start when I went into a local shop. The shopkeeper would greet me as a familiar customer, but then the next person in the queue would say: 'Hey, aren't you that bloke in The Goodies?'
 
At best, I'd mutter: 'Yes.' At worst, I would deny it. I would actually say: 'No.' Not a good idea, since the response was almost certainly: 'Yes, you are.' Whereupon, I could admit it or deny it again. Either way, I would appear perverse, paranoid or hostile.
 
As the day progressed, things would get worse and worse. I'd go from ungracious to aggressive. I would defend myself by going on the attack. If a bunch of kids kept calling my name even though I was ignoring them, I would turn on them: 'What do you think I am, a ****in' dog?'
 
Yes, I swore, too. 'How would you like it if people kept yelling at you?'
 
My most absurd and shameful riposte was when I turned on a lad who had been pointing at me and repeating: 'You're Bill Oddie, you're Bill Oddie!' I could have said 'Yes', or even 'No'.
 
Instead, I pointed back at him and yelled: 'You're a schoolboy. Look, everyone, he's a schoolboy!' I am not proud of how I used to react, but my excuse was very real.
 
I felt hunted, I felt claustrophobic, and I was resentful that I couldn't just carry on shopping, or going for walks, or to the cinema, or even on holiday, especially with my daughters Kate and Bonnie.
 
They hated it, too. In 1975 they were seven and four, and as a dad I wanted to spend time with my children, simply doing normal things that parents do with their kids. It was rarely possible.
 
Kate and Bonnie also felt hunted, embarrassed and perhaps even a bit frightened. Why were all these people pointing at their dad? I will never forget a morning in Penzance. We had just come off the Isles of Scilly, one of my favourite places in the world. We'd had a great hassle-free week there, and now we had a couple of hours to kill before catching our train back to London.
 
It was two hours of such stress and agony that it almost obliterated the joy of our holiday. It was as though, wherever we went, a spotlight was being shone in our eyes, and - to change the metaphor - we were the hunted animals, frozen with fear, and we could hear the hounds approaching.
 
All I was actually being asked to do was sign autographs or pose for photos, but there was simply no respite, no escape. To the girls, it must have been almost as though their dad was being snatched away from them. They were reduced to tears. So was I.
 
I'm a lot more mellow these days, but I admit I was a grumpy middle-aged man. If there is anyone reading this who I was horrible to back in the Seventies, or the Eighties, and possibly quite a lot of the Nineties . . . I am really, really sorry. Especially if they were youngsters.
 
 
6. FEATURE ARTICLE
******************
(contributed by Lisa Manekofsky)
 
GRAEME GARDEN INTERVIEW
 
* The following article appears on The Independent's website at http://www.independent.co.uk/news/media/my-life-in-media-graeme-garden-922372.html  
 
My Life In Media: Graeme Garden
 
'I used to write for Mr Blobby. It was done under cover of darkness and handed over in a car park. It was a funny idea to start with, but later turned into a monster'
 
Interview by Sophie Morris
Monday, 8 September 2008
 
Graeme Garden, 65, is best known for his role in The Goodies. The television comedy series ran throughout the 1970s. He also created the Radio 4 satirical panel show I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue and, via appearances in Yes, Minister, Holby City and Peak Practice, still appears in its spin-off show, Hamish and Dougal, with Barry Cryer. Garden lives near Chipping Norton in Oxfordshire with his wife, Emma, and has three children: Sally, a teacher; Tom, a concept artist; and John, keyboard player with the Scissor Sisters.
 
What inspired you to embark on a career in the media?
I joined the Footlights club at Cambridge and met fellow Goodies Bill Oddie and Tim Brooke-Taylor. I think it was largely because Bill and Tim's revue was very successful that I went into radio. I don't think many of us would have gone into the media individually, but as a group we moved in en masse.
 
When you were 15 years old, which newspaper did your family get?
The Daily Express. The Beachcomber column was my favourite bit.
 
And what were your favourite TV and radio programmes?
It was the early days of television, we got one for the Queen's Coronation. I loved comedy shows like TerryThomas and Benny Hill. He was the first comic to send up the medium and would do jokes about film and television. My first memories are of radio shows and I loved Take It from Here with Jimmy Edwards and Dick Bentley.
 
Describe your job.
I'm a writer/performer. I usually catch up with emails in the morning. Then I may spend the day at home, go up to London or travel somewhere to do my radio show.
 
What's the first media you turn to in the mornings?
Sky News, which tends to hover in the background for a lot of the day.
 
Do you consult any media sources during the day?
Sky News again or Radio 4.
 
What do you tune into when you get home?
Travelling home I always have Radio 4 on in the car and carry on listening to whatever it was when I get in. As for television, it's easy to get terribly hooked on things like Big Brother. I tune in to soaps like Casualty and Holby City, partly because I had a part in Holby City so it's quite fun to see how the show is developing.
 
What is the best thing about your job?
The variety. You know if you're struggling or finding something a bit dull it's not going to last very long.
 
And the worst?
The insecurity. At the beginning of the year you don't know how much work you'll be doing or how much you're going to earn during the year, which means you tend to accept work when you probably don't need to.
 
How do you feel you influence the media?
I suppose I did have an influence when I devised I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue. In a way that has been the template for the postmodern ironic deconstructive panel gameshow, like Have I Got News For You. Before that it was all rather polite.
 
What's the proudest achievement in your working life?
I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue. I'm sort of labelled for being in The Goodies, although it hasn't been repeated for such a long time. When my youngest son, now 23, was at school, I found out I was more famous for voicing the cartoon Bananaman.
 
And what's your most embarrassing moment?
An ongoing thing that I come out in a cold sweat about now and again is the fact I used to write for Mr Blobby, in his very early incarnation on Noel's House Party. It was done under cover of darkness and handed over in a car park. It was a funny idea to start with, but later turned into a monster.
 
What is your Sunday paper? And do you have a favourite magazine?
The Sunday Times and The Observer. The Week is a great catch up magazine and Private Eye is the magazine I have probably had the most reads of over my lifetime. I remember it starting out and have followed it ever since.
 
Name the one career ambition you want to realise before you retire?
Just to keep pottering on would be very nice. I'm of an age where the pension kicks in, but I can't see me stopping because I'd probably do what I do for a living as a hobby if I retired.
 
What would you do if you didn't work in the media?
Something medical. Not a doctor, as I might have been a good one but I don't think I would have been a very happy one. Something on the media side: on television, which I have done in the past, or in medical journalism.
 
Who in the media do you most admire and why?
Bill Cotton, who has just died. He was a terrific guy when he ran the BBC's light entertainment department. He had a real, buccaneering spirit and would give people a chance and follow his gut instincts. It was in the days when he and the people working with and under him were interested in finding ways to make things happen. The philosophy over the years degenerated a bit, but he lived in a simpler era. He had a very sensible attitude towards broadcasting and he's sadly missed.
 
'The Doings of Hamish and Dougal: You'll Have Had Your Tea?' by Barry Cryer and Graeme Garden is published by Preface
 
The CV
 
1965: Writes and performs in Radio 4's 'I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again' while a student at Cambridge
1967: Breaks into television with 'Twice a Fortnight', co-starring Terry Jones and Michael Palin. 'Broaden Your Mind' followed in 1968
1969: 'Doctor in the House' starts on LWT, with Garden as a writer
1970: 'The Goodies' get their first outing on BBC2, appearing until 1982
1972: 'I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue' begins on Radio 4. It is still running
1983: Voices 'Bananaman', a children's cartoon series
2002: Garden and Barry Cryer get their own Radio 4 show with 'You'll Have Had Your Tea: The Doings of Hamish and Dougal'
2006: Teams up with Tim Brooke-Taylor for nostalgic show in Edinburgh Devises and performs in 'The Unbelievable Truth' on Radio 4 hosted by David Mitchell from 'Peep Show'
(8th Sep)
 
 
7. GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW #36
************************
 
(from C&G 154 – September 2008)
 
THE LAST CHANCE DANCE
 
Hi there pop pickers and welcome to another Goodies Music Review.
 
WHO?
 
When we last left your two munching music reviewers Emperor Caligula (aka Brett Allender) and Peaches Stiletto (aka Linda Kay), they were in a little restaurant dragging some unfortunate waiter nearer and nearer to them and incessantly moaning about the walrus in their soup, to which the poor chappy would have replied "Tusk tusk" if we hadn't gone and used that joke last time around, so he must have blubbered something else instead. Mercifully for the waiter, he didn't have to put up with them for too much longer thanks to an Amazon piranha in the Emperor's parmigiana and a giant bagpipes spider in Peaches' apple cider, however he was then faced with the dilemma of how to split the Bill ("Do I need an axe or a chainsaw to cut through that beard?!") So while he's sorting that out, we'll sashay over to the Mixed Dancing Contest and your Disco-Heaving DJs with their music review of "THE LAST CHANCE DANCE" by The Goodies.
 
WHERE? WHEN?
 
"The Last Chance Dance " can be heard on:
- the 70's albums "The Goodies Greatest" and "The Goodies Greatest Hits
- as a single with "Make A Daft Noise For Christmas" on the flip side
- on the CDs "Yum Yum – The Very Best Of The Goodies" and "Funky Gibbon – The Best Of The Goodies"
- in Episode 6/7 "Goodies – Almost Live"
 
WHAT?
 
Lyrics: sung by Bill, with help from Tim & Graeme
 
(And now take your partners please for the last dance)
It's the very last dance of the evening
You don't want to do it alone, oh oh oh oh
It's nearly the end, so quick, find a friend
There's still time to make her your own, oh oh oh oh
 
Well you came here tonight cos you were lonely (yes you did, I know)
And there's something gone out of your life
Well, you reverse and a half-turn, find what you're after
The moment of truth has arrived
 
[CHORUS:]
It's the last dance, it's your last chance
If love wants to lead you, well let it
It's the last dance, it's your last chance
And if you've not pulled by now, forget it
 
First you find who's left that you fancy
Next you drag her out on the floor
Then you hold her near, so she gets an idea
Exactly what you're hoping for
 
Now you let your hand slip down slowly
Quick you shove your nose in her ear
Take a deep breath and scare her to death
With the words she's been waiting to hear
 
"I suppose a f***'s out of the question?"
 
[REPEAT CHORUS TWICE with a last line of:]
 
And if you've not pulled by now, forget it, forget it, forget it, forget it.
 
WHY?
 
(Peaches Stiletto):
Undoubtedly you're familiar with those romantic ballads where boy meets girl . . . their eyes meet across the dance floor, time stands still . . . slowly they come together . . . there's instant chemistry . . . but wait a minuet! What a load of schottische! This song tells it like it is . . . it takes two to tango so when that "last dance" call is heard he'd better hustle if he wants to avoid doing a solo hand jive later in the evening. Indeed, it's his last cha-cha-cha-chance to hip-hop to it. Samba the choices of remaining ladies may be better than others, and if there's enough selection the male may paso do-bleachy ones. But if the beauties give him a passa passa, he can then swing on back to waltz left . . . maybe settle for that pockmarked, humpbacked sheila named Mathilda. One stiff drink of rumba later can clog the brain, relieving the jitterbugs. He shuffles her out on the floor, his hand slips down her bachata, tapping on down to polka her quadrille and she wants some morris. She may be ugly but she knows how to swing. Their bodies twist in a slow-motion version of the Funky Gibbon; the two-step program to love. We can all see how discos . . . and as the music fades and he goes waltzing Mathilda into the sunset, we know that a collegiate shag is probably not out of the question. Austin Powers would be proud.
 
(Emperor Caligula):
It's the very last dance of the evening ... and up until now you've struck out big time. Your supposedly hot date Debbie has been liberated and stalked out on you, Caroline Kook has already been divided up and married off, while Mrs Desiree Carthorse has firmly instructed you to "keep your distance" in no uncertain terms! If you hadn't hung onto that receipt for Tottie, you really might be in danger of going home empty-handed. Thankfully this is where the Last Chance Dance kicks in, as what lovely lady could possibly resist the overtures of Bill's beautifully mellow crooning of those step-by-step instructions that even a bloke like me with three left feet could follow. Drag her, hold her, slip your hand down, get slapped in the face (hey, that's not in the script!), shove your nose in her ear, breathe in deeply, inhale a clod of her ear wax (that's not in the lyrics either, nor in her ear if you're lucky, but I digress ...) stop stuffing around and pop the magic question ... now could a dating while dancing guide for dummies possibly be any simpler or melodically expressed than that? If she says "yes" then you're off for a touch of way-hey-hey and a spot of bunny fun. If she says "no" then you'd better forget it after all and do a quick-step out of there to the nearest taxi rank. And if she says "Yaaaaah! I look forward to the pleasure, but I doubt I'll get it!" then you've used up your last chance by chatting up Lady Constance and pulled yourself a whole lot more trouble than you'll ever be able to handle in the bargain!
 
HOW!
 
Using the Black Pudding Rating System:
IIIII Superstar (Peaches Stiletto)
IIII Officially Amazing (Emperor Caligula)
 
THE BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM
 
IIIII - Superstar.
IIII - Officially Amazing.
III   - Goody Goody Yum Yum.
II    - Fair-y Punkmother.
I     - Tripe on t' pikelets.
 
November Music Review: Spring Spring Spring
 
 
8. GOODIES WORD FINDER
**********************
(by Brett Allender)
 
This puzzle contains hidden words and phrases relating to the "It Might As Well Be String" episode of The Goodies.
 
Try to find all the listed words in the puzzle. Words may be found horizontally, vertically, or diagonally. Upon completion, the 12 unused letters can be rearranged to form the solution of 3 words (5, 3 & 4 letters) - clue: "one of the products that the Goodies advertise"
 
There is a print-friendly copy of the puzzle on the website at http://www.goodiesruleok.com/articles.php?id=92&page=6  and the solution is on a separate page accessible from the menu.
The solution will also be published in next month's newsletter.
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.
 
WORD LIST
 
Ad Men
Bless
BOGG
Bread
Bubble X
Carpet
Casanova
Credits
Deluxe Paint
Dummies
Duped
Elephants
Fishface
Harvest Moon
Housewives
Kung Poo
Lies
Low Suds Mold
Nosho
Sheik
String
Sunbeam
Trick
Truth
Vest
Vibena
Water
 
 
9. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
***********************
 
(a) Tim
(b) A group of American art buyers
(c) Antiques (aka Culture For The Masses)
(d) Harry Highrise
(e) To stop the squatters from moving in!
(f) "I'm a teapot!"
(g) Turps (for burps!)
(h) Rastus Watermelon
 
YOUR SCORE:
8    Mastermind Of The Year
7    Goodies fan supreme
5-6 Clever clogs
3-4 Reasonably Goodie
1-2 Thick as old boots
0    Rolf Harris!
 
 
NEXT C&G EDITION:
- #155:    12th October 2008.
 
C&G BACK ISSUES CONTENTS INDEX: http://www.goodiesruleok.com/articles.php?id=45
 
*******************************************************************************
The Goodies Fan Club Clarion and Globe is copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 2008. All rights reserved.
Permission to reproduce this work or any section of it, in any form must first be obtained from the copyright holders.
 
For further information regarding this publication please e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>.
For other general enquiries about the 'Goodies Rule - OK' fan club or 'The Goodies' itself, please e-mail enquiries@goodiesruleok.com
 
TO OBTAIN THIS NEWSLETTER IN WORD DOCUMENT FORM:
E-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> requesting transfer to the Word mailing list.
******************************************************************************
 



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