» Cricklewood Shakedown
GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW #34 – THE CRICKLEWOOD SHAKEDOWN
(from C&G #149 April 2008)
Hi there pop pickers and welcome to another Goodies Music Review.
Since his most recent music review of "Terrapins", Emperor Caligula (aka Brett Allender) has been whiling away his days at Dr. G. Garden's Pets Corner rest home for clapped-out old animals. Somewhat surprisingly he's not there as an in-patient (though we're not going to let him out of there either if we can help it!) but as an official taste-tester for Graeme's other pet project; the Rumbling Tum Carnivorous Cuisine restaurant. The Emperor swears that Graeme has the tastiest pickled walnuts in the countryside but we're guessing that he really will be swearing when he finds out that they're actually munchable crunchable terrapins instead. In fact he'll probably be rather shell-shocked about it all!
As for Peaches Stiletto (aka Linda Kay), she has headed off to join the Grateful Dead Fan Club at the University Of Maryland to indulge in a double dose of terrapin worship. However word has just come through that she has been expelled after someone accidentally put on a record of the Goodies' "Spank That Hamster" and she duly obeyed the lyrics by slapping sloths, whacking walruses and trampling on every terrapin in sight. The trodden-on terrapins were actually the Grateful Dead themselves when they heard that Peaches was transferring over to the Tillingbourne Folk & Madrigal Society to do an Advanced Diploma in Gibbon Stuffing instead.
While it's the mid-semester break though, we'll take this opportunity to cross to the home of primitive man in London, good old Cricklewood, and your distressing DJs with their music review of "THE CRICKLEWOOD SHAKEDOWN" by The Goodies
"The Cricklewood Shakedown" can be heard on the 70's record "The New Goodies LP" and the CD "Yum Yum – The Very Best Of The Goodies"
Lyrics: sung by Bill, with backing from Graeme and Tim
One, two, three, four, where's the place that we adore?
Doin' it right and doin' it good, we're all going to Cricklewood
Do the Cricklewood Shakedown (Cricklewood Shakedown)
Do the Cricklewood Shake (Brrrrr)
Do the Cricklewood Shakedown (Cricklewood Shakedown)
Do the Cricklewood Shake
Oh would you like to shake your cares away?
(Yes I would, yes I would, yes I would)
Shakin' on down where the people are bright and gay
(Cricklewood, Cricklewood, Cricklewood)
They've a natural sense of rhythm (Doin' it, doin' it)
All they simply do is stand, and then they …
First you let your lips go soft and loose
(Let 'em droop, let 'em droop, let 'em droop)
You're wobblin' down 'til you feel you're right in your shoes
(Bloop bloop, bloop bloop, bloop bloop)
You can shimmer just like a jelly
And let your troubles shake away, hey let's all …
[REPEAT CHORUS MULTIPLE TIMES WITH OVERLAPPING VOCALS]
With this song, the Goodies managed to do what hadn't been done with such aplomb since The Lambeth Walk . . . convert a section of London into a dance craze. Or at least a crazy dance. The Cricklewood Shakedown may not be as popular as the Charleston (named for Charleston, South Carolina) or the Macarena (named in part for a town in Seville) or even The Funky Gibbon (not clear if this was named after Gibbon, Nebraska or Gibbon, Minnesota . . . undoubtedly the two towns are in a heated battle over ownership of this one.) But what it lacks in fame it makes up for in sheer vibration. When done properly, this dance should rate a 6.0 on the Richter Scale. Even Cornish Milk Sheiks were shaking everything shakable to this tune, perhaps while waiting for a crosstown bus. But can the word "shakedown" be so lightly dismissed as simply a matter of "bloop blooping," since it is a word commonly used to refer to extortion? And surely, with the residents of the town all shimmerin' and wobblin' it would have been easier to free up the loose change from their pockets. Perhaps it wasn't The Goodies who recorded this song but actually their evil counterparts, The Baddies! It would be just like Dr. Petal to devise such a scheme to distract an entire town into gesticulating while his evil robot minions collected the spilled spoils. But no, this theory is on shaky ground. Such a dance craze would more likely have been titled The Hustle. So everyone, let your lips go soft and loose like Mick Jagger's and invite Black Pudding Bertha down from Lancashire to have a go at this one . . . something tells me she'd be a natural!
In their other perhaps better-known song about Cricklewood, the Goodies lament that "no-one's going anywhere" and that "they've got nothing to do", making it sound rather like the metropolitan version of Bognor instead. However while Cricklewood may be a bit light on for movers (apart from those folk who work for Pickfords!) they've apparently got a great blend of shakers who have the whole suburb shimmying along to the mix of this rather juddering jukebox-style beat.
One shudders to think what kind of mystical good vibrations must be at work there in Cricklewood to get the locals all shook up like that, but there's a whole lotta shakin' goin' on all over the place, from the corner shop with the best milkshakes in Britain (just grab a cow and hold on!) to the resident Irish population's performance of "Quiverdance" and other Celtic jig(gle)s and the most vibrant chapter of Quakers that you're ever likely to encounter this side of the San Andreas Faultline.
You'd expect that the Cricklewoodites would be somewhat unnerved or even agitated from all of these strenuous shakedowns , however seeing as "nothing ever happens there" apart from this perpetual motion, they actually play it as cool as a Bond martini - a case of shaken but not stirred perhaps!
While not providing as much cause for the rest of the population to tremble as a Wiggles concert or Rolf with his wobbleboard, this song definitely entices those who've got it to shake it. "Shake shake shake, c'mon shake shake shake, shake your Goodie" in fact!
Using the Black Pudding Rating System:
II Fair-y Punkmother (Peaches Stiletto)
II 1/2 Fair-y Goodymother (Emperor Caligula)
THE BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM
IIIII - Superstar.
IIII - Officially Amazing.
III - Goody Goody Yum Yum.
II - Fair-y Punkmother.
I - Tripe on t' pikelets.