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C&G 147 Feb 2008
Feb 2008 - Print Email PDF 
Posted by bretta 12/02/2008

Index

» Feb 2008

       **********************************************
       *   THE GOODIES FAN CLUB CLARION AND GLOBE   *
       **********************************************
 
 
    * THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK!' *
             (http://www.goodiesruleok.com)
 
 
Issue No. 147                   12th February 2008
 
 
THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G
******************************
 
EDITOR
- Brett Allender <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>
 
ACE REPORTER:
- Lisa Manekofsky
 
GOODIES MUSIC REVIEWER
- Linda Kay
 
C&G CONTRIBUTORS:
- Graeme Garden, Wackywales, Amanda Stokes, AndyT29, Jenny_Gibbon, Ben McKenzie
 
CONTENTS
********
 
1. QUIZ & QUOTE - Goodies brainteasers for you and you and you
2. BOFFO IDEAS – The latest club news and happenings
3. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.
4. 2001 AND A BIT - Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.
5. A COLLECTION OF GOODIES THEMES #5 Beanz Meanz Heanz Ads
6. GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW #33 – Terrapins
7. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
8. GOODIES CROSSWORD SOLUTION – from C&G 146
 
1. QUIZ & QUOTE
***************
(by "Magnus Magnesium")
 
QUOTE: "Well all good things must come to an end. And so has this!"
 
(a) Which Goodie says this quote?
(b) What is he referring to
(c) Which episode is this quote from?
 
QUIZ: This month's questions are from the episode: "Winter Olympics"
 
(d) The Goodies training facilities are at the coldest place in Britain. Where is this?
(e) Which hotel do the Goodies stay at when they reach the Winter Olympics venue?
(f) What does almost every dish on the hotel menu consist of?
(g) Who helps to thaw the Goodies out very rapidly when they become frozen?
(h) What sort of creature does Graeme attach his sunlamp to?
 
The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.
 
 
2. BOFFO IDEAS
**************
 
You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail <enquiries@goodiesruleok.com> with your comments, ideas or suggestions - meanwhile these are the boffo ideas which our club has been working on this month:
 
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRAEME
 
Our favourite loony scientist, Graeme Garden, celebrates his 65th birthday on February 18th. All the best to Graeme for a very Happy Birthday from all members of "The Goodies Rule OK"
 
WEBSITE POLLS
 
Last month's poll gave everyone the chance to be a movie mogul with "noses, noses, all the way" to Pinetree Studio to film the latest Goodies epic. Unfortunately the blockbuster bandwagon got hijacked along the way by Rolf and his sympathisers for his first poll win for quite some time (though still not long enough in my book!). At least the casting will be easy judging by that splendid Goodies mock ad ... Graeme does a brilliant Rolf, including the voice, didgeridoo-playing and doing rotten paintings in places where he's not supposed to. Tim can play Rolf's Granny again and poison him with her Bristo Gravy Mix (ah, I love a happy ending!) and then Bill can finish trashing Granny's kitchen as the Fairy Puff demonstrator before she blows him away with her Westminster Sub-machine gun. What an epic ... the kids love it! Anyway here's the final voting tally:
 
The Goodies ran a film studio in the episode "The Movies". Which movie do you think The Goodies should remake?
Lord of the Rings                   34 votes
ET                                   4 votes
The Sound of Music                  20 votes
Star Wars                           27 votes
Titanic                              4 votes
Gone with the Wind                   9 votes
Indiana Jones                       14 votes
Mary Poppins                        16 votes
other                                4 votes
The Life Story of Rolf Harris       47 votes
Total:                             179 votes
 
It seems as though we can all do with a long holiday after the stress of seeing Rolf triumph last time around, so this month's poll is your chance to book one through Goodies Hols. You'd have to be a raving nutter to think up something like this ... and we're proud of it too! I'm off for a week's brain surgery with Bill (who knows, I might even get one put in!) and these are your options for a well-deserved Goodies-style vacation:
 
Where would you like Goodies Adventure Holidays to send you for your next vacation?
- Cricklewood
- The Lost Island of Munga
- the Jolly Rock Lighthouse 1
- the Eurovision Raving Loony Contest
- the stomach of a sleeping T-Rex
- the Knutters Knoll Knite Spot restaurant
- August Bank Holiday Island
- on a London to Brighton Spacehopper ride
- other
- Goodies Star Safari Park w/Little Rolf
 
So pack your cases and head to the website to vote now. You know it makes sense!
 
 
3. SPOTTED!!!
*************
 
More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the Goodies recently, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! the Goodies this month:
 
LOVE OF ROLF IS IN THE AIR
(Brett Allender – 21st Jan)
 
On Sunday 20th Jan at 6pm, the ABC network rescreened Episode 3 (Strange Fruits) of "Love Is In The Air"; a series originally broadcast in 2003 which looks at the history of Australian pop music from the 1960s to the 1980s as chronicled on the legendary ABC music show "Countdown".
In one segment Rolf Harris was being interviewed about how he originally discovered the unique musical sound of the wobbleboard and then the narrator stated "He got so big in Britain that BBC comedy team 'The Goodies' devoted an entire show to the cult of Rolf."
This was happily followed by a few scenes from "Scatty Safari" featuring Bill reading about Rolf from the Observers Book Of Stars (including "Harris. Anita, Chopper, Richard ... Rolf!" and "Number of legs ... variable!") and also Little Rolf romping about at play in the Safari Park.
 
 
SECRET POLICEMEN'S BALL
(Amanda Stokes)
 
The following is an entry from the ABC Shop DVD website regarding a DVD featuring The Goodies:
 
Secret Policeman's Ball Presents - Anniversary Comedy Edition
6 DVD Set
Usually dispatched within 3-5 business days (subject to availability)
$49.95
Description
Enjoy some of the most hilarious moments in comedic history as comic legends John Cleese, Michael Palin, Peter Cook, Rowan Atkinson, The Goodies, and Australia's own Barry Humphries perform at The Secret Policeman's Ball.
Celebrating 30 years since the first charity comedy concert, this priceless archive of the golden age of UK comedy contains 6 classic performances, including The Secret Policeman's Ball (1979), The Secret Policeman's Other Ball (1981), The Secret Policeman's Third Ball (1987), The Secret Policeman's Biggest Ball (1989), The Secret Policeman's Ball The Big Three-0 (1991), and The Secret Policeman's Early Bits (1993) This wonderful collection contains some of the best live comedy/satire ever produced, including the Monty Python 'parrot' sketch and the hilarious 'park bench' sketch performed by John Cleese and Peter Cook.
Rated: M
Duration: 519 mins.
Released: 2007
PAL Format - Region 4 DVD
(for use on Australian DVD players)
 
 
GOODIES SCREENINGS
(Lisa Manekofsky – 23rd Jan)
 
Weekdays through January - "The Goodies" on The Comedy Channel (in Australia) at 4:00pm. See http://www.thecomedychannel.com.au/WhatsOn/Detail.aspx?id=211  for listings of the upcoming week's episodes. (Thanks to Andyt29 for this info)
 
 
A RECORD OR AN OBE
(Lisa Manekofsky – 11th Aug)
 
Ben McKenzie has kindly sent us the following update about his play "A Record or an OBE" (a black comedy involving a fictional version of The Goodies):
 
"Just thought I'd update you on A Record or an OBE. There have been some changes in dates for the Melbourne Comedy Festival season, but there are roughly the same number of performances available - and they're now on sale via the Comedy @ Trades web site: http://www.comedyattrades.com.au
 
Also, for anyone who is unable to attend or just curious to see what the show is like, I have posted a short (around 52 seconds) excerpt from the play on YouTube. You can view it here:
 
 
The same video will also be posted shortly on the Comedy Festival web site."
 
 
4. 2001 AND A BIT
*****************
 
If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays. Those of you seeking radio and tv alerts between issues of the C&G should consider signing up for the Goodies-l mailing list (more details available on the club website), as our crack (cracked?!) team of reporters attempt to post alerts as the information becomes available.
 
** (All items in this section contributed by Lisa Manekofsky, except where otherwise credited) **
 
BILL SPOTTINGS
 
* Thanks to wackywales for pointing out that "Bill Oddie's Wild Side" is available on the BBC's iPlayer after broadcast (sadly this service is only available to UK residents, due to licensing issues). At the moment, several other shows with Bill ("100 Years of Wildlife Films" and "Saturday Kitchen") as available in addition to "Wild Side" from http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/search/?q=bill+oddie
(23rd Jan)
 
 
* Weds, 23 Jan - "100 Years of Wildlife Films" hosted by Bill is being repeated on BBC 1 at 02:40.
(23rd Jan)
 
 
* Fri, 1 Feb - "Charlie's Wildlife Gardens" with Bill is being repeated on UKTV Gardens at 21:30. The channel will repeat it again the next day at 8:30 and 12:30.
(23rd Jan)
 
 
* Weds, 30 Jan - "The Wright Stuff" on five at 9:00. Bill will be the guest in this edition.
(29th Jan)
 
 
* Bill will be one of the guests on the show "Something for the Weekend" on BBC 2 this Sunday morning, 3 Feb. The show airs from 10:00-11:30am.
(2nd Feb)
 
 
* According to http://britamtvdvds.blogspot.com/2008/02/monarch-of-glen-complete-collection-dvd.html , the extras for the new US release of "Monarch of the Glen – The Complete Collection" include a half hour documentary of the a Scottish Highlands with Bill.
(3rd Feb)
 
 
* I've found the following article in the Radio Times about Bill Oddie's Wild Side:
 
Home Advantage
Nature. You don't need to travel far afield to watch wildlife – as Bill Oddie has discovered, your own back garden is as good a vantage point as any.
 
What made you film your own garden in London for Bill Oddie's Wild Side?
I was inspired by our cameraman, John Aitchison, to have my own "wild, wobbly cam". I kept it by the back door and, if I saw anything going on, I nipped out and filmed it. I shot every day for months, which you could never do in conventional wildlife filming. I got carried away because the stories are fantastic.
 
What's your garden like?
My wife says it's ludicrous but I like to think it's imaginative. It's a typical small, city garden but it's knee-deep in gnomes, mirrors, wind chimes and plastic figures that are supposed to scare wildlife off. They don't – birds and animals love it.
 
How much do you like rats? Where do you draw the line?
I don't want them in the house, but then if any animal gets in the house you wouldn't be happy. The rats pop in for a feed, too; they're not doing any harm. There is, though, a discrepancy between my attitude and that of my neighbour. Rentokil is not welcome at my house, and that's how things stand.
 
What do you give the birds?
The usual things – peanut and fat-ball feeders, seed feeders. In the breeding season, I gave them a helping hand and put out mealworms. We had a wren that had already lost a couple of families and I was determined to help. If you leave the worms long enough, they turn into beetles.
 
You go to Oxford for a close encounter with the swifts in this week's programme ...
There's a wonderful old museum building where swifts have nested in a tower for years. You can get to see inside a swift's nest, and that's a real privilege – swifts only ever land when they're nesting. They spend their lives flying, even sleeping on the wing. We discovered that during the Second World War, when we started seeing blips on the radar at night. From the time they learn to fly until they're ready to breed – which could be 18 months – swifts are on the wing. They never perch. It's mind-boggling.
 
So why do swifts nest in towers?
Towers are a substitute for cliffs. The same applies to "house" birds, such as house sparrows and housemartins. They've learnt to take advantage of buildings. It's an example of wildlife moving into the human world. I'm as interested in people's relationship to wildlife as I am in the wildlife itself.
 
Bill Oddie was talking to Geoff Ellis.
Bill Oddie's Wild Side is on Wednesdays on BBC2
 
[The article is accompanied by a photo of a smiling Bill in his gnome-laden garden with the caption: "No Place Like Gnome. Wildlife is drawn to Bill Oddie's garden in spite (or because!) of his menagerie of plastic figures."]
(Jenny_Gibbon – 23rd Jan)
 
 
* Mon, 11 Feb - Sat, 16 Feb - "Bill Oddie Goes Wild" is repeated at various times on UKTV Gardens.
(10th Feb)
 
 
* Sat, 16 Feb - "Top 50 Greatest Celebrity Animals" hosted by Bill is repeated on Sky One HD at 14:00, then again on Sky One at 15:00.
(10th Feb)
 
* An article on Bill and his garden appeared in the Mail on Sunday 10th February. The full text can be read in the News section of the GROK website
(11th Feb)
 
 
GRAEME SPOTTINGS
 
* The ABC (Australia) will be showing "Agatha Christie's Miss Marple: Nemesis" on Sunday 3rd February at 8:30pm. Graeme Garden has a brief cameo in this episode.
(Amanda Stokes – 29th Jan)
 
 
* Many thanks to Graeme for the following info:
 
We are putting together the Hamish and Dougal Book – which should be ready later this year.
I recorded a long interview, interspersed with repeats of shows I've been associated with, for a feature called 'I Did It My Way'. It should go out on BBC Radio7 some time around March.
I was interviewed for a feature called 'Word To The Wise' which should appear in the magazine 'The Word' in March.
Callum McLeod and I are putting up a website for 'The Pocket Orchestra'. You can see the work in progress at http://www.thepocketorchestra.com
For those who might be interested, here's the site for another of Callum's ventures – a big hit in Scandinavia! www.carmenlatina.com
(4th Feb)
 
 
* Sat, 16 Feb - "Holby City" on UKTV Gold at 4:20 is a repeat of one of Graeme's appearances (the episode is entitled "The Buck Stops Here", series 6 episode 16). It is repeated an hour later on UKTV Gold Plus 1.
(10th Feb)
 
 
* Thursdays starting 21 Feb - "One" returns to BBC Radio 4 at 23:00.
Graeme is one of the performer in this is a sketch show written by David Quantick in which no item features more than one voice.
(10th Feb)
 
 
TIM SPOTTINGS
 
* The following article briefly mentions Tim & Graeme's appearance at the Slapstick festival on Saturday.
The relevant excerpt is:
"The crowds will also be flocking to hear two-thirds of the Goodies, Tim Brooke-Taylor and Graeme Garden, discussing how Buster Keaton influenced their comedy."
(18th Jan)
 
 
* Saturdays - "Golf Clubs with Tim Brooke-Taylor" on Discovery Real Time Extra. Two episodes are being repeated from 21:00-22:00.
(23rd Jan)
 
 
I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE (ISIHAC) and
I'M SORRY I'LL READ THAT AGAIN (ISIRTA)
 
ISIHAC TOUR
 
The up-to-date information can be found at http://www.goodiesruleok.com/faq.php?topic=13#faq65  or the easier-to-remember http://www.isihac-live.com
 
 
* Mondays - "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again" with Tim, Graeme & Bill is being repeated on BBC7 at 12.30pm and 7.30pm. The show can be heard worldwide via the internet from www.bbc.co.uk/bbc7 ; each episode will be available for a week after broadcast from Listen Again at http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/networks/bbc7/aod.shtml?bbc7/sorryreadthatagain   
(23rd Jan)
 
 
* Saturdays - "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again", on ABC Radio National at 5:30. This 1960's sketch comedy series starred with all three Goodies plus John Cleese, Jo Kendall, & David Hatch (info at http://www.abc.net.au/rn/comedy/default.htm )
(23rd Jan)
 
 
5. A COLLECTION OF GOODIES THEMES #5
************************************
(by Brett Allender)
 
One of the really enjoyable highlights of the episodes in the first four series of The Goodies is the mock ad break in the middle of each show which features one or two products that are flogged off by being sent up in wicked parodies of existing ads from that era. Most of these are one-offs for a particular item; however the best-remembered and probably most-loved mock commercial topic occurs in a series of 9 separate ads spread over three series, plus a sendup of itself further down the track – the "Beanz Meanz Heanz" campaign.
 
This is a very thinly-veiled parody of the popular "Beanz Meanz Heinz" jingle which was first thought up by an advertising agency in 1967 and is still going as strong as ever today. However instead of hearing a young schoolboy waxing lyrically with cheerful poetry about the joys of eating baked beans, we instead get to see Tim dressed as a young schoolboy and attempting to wax lyrically until he inevitably gets sidetracked at the key moment and duly receives one of a variety of punishments from an increasingly frustrated and rather callous producer Graeme.
 
The initial block of ads appears in the first five episodes of Series 2 with Tim walking onto the set from the side to stand in front of a large "BEANZ MEANZ HEANZ" backdrop and announce the title of his poem. He has a pageboy-style blonde haircut and is wearing a school uniform consisting of a very short black v-neck jumper, grey shirt, black and yellow-striped tie and grey shorts. Tim's character appears to be very young, a bit timid and rather hesitant in the first four ads but much bolder in the final one. We only get to see fleeting glimpses of Graeme in these ads and although he is casually dressed he definitely means business with his intimidating bellows of "Get it right!" and harsh treatment when Tim ultimately mucks up his lines.
 
Here are the transcripts of the first five "Beanz Meanz Heanz" ads:
 
2/1 Loch Ness Monster
"When I Grow Up"
When I grow up I want to be
A spaceman or a sailor on the sea
And Mummy says that all my dreams
Will come true if I eat lots of … cornflakes?
(G: "Get it right!" – slaps Tim across the face. Tim starts to cry)
 
2/2 The Commonwealth Games
"My Favourite Dream"
Um, last night I had some wonderful dreams
I dreamt I had a big plate of … er …(restarts)
Last night I had some wonderful dreams
I dreamt I … er
(G: "Get it right!" – hits Tim over the head with a mallet. Tim drops from view)
 
2/3 Pollution
"What I Like"
I like meat and I like greens
But most of all I like … (a boxing glove on a long stick appears in view)
I like trains and submarines
And for my supper I like … um … (boxing glove reappears)
I like palaces with kings and queens
But best by far I love baked … er, fish, I like (T getting more nervous as boxing glove hovers)
And old blue jeans, and especially a nice big plate of … um
Plate of … um (T is tapped on the shoulder with the glove)
(G: "Get it right!" – punches Tim in the mouth with the boxing glove. Tim spits out 2 teeth.)
 
2/4 The Lost Tribe
"Tea Time"
Ah, when I've … I've had a hard day at school
My Mummy always makes it a rule
To give me what I like best, which means
A plate of lovely hot baked … um, potatoes?
(G: "Get it right!" – rubs a plate of baked beans into Tim's face. Tim starts wailing.)
 
2/5 The Music Lovers
(A more distant shot of the set instead of the usual close-up)
"If I Was A Millionaire"
If I was a millionaire and lived off private means
I'd still spend all my money on lovely hot baked beans …
No I wouldn't!! I'd … I'd buy a yacht … and a villa in the south of France and have lots of ladies with no clothes on and I'd buy a new bicycle and I wouldn't eat any rotten beans! I'd eat bullseyes and caviar and chips and …
(A trapdoor opens underneath Tim and he disappears rapidly from view)
 
Following this initial cluster of ads, the remaining four are a bit more spread out, appearing every second episode in Series 3 with a final instalment in the last episode of Series 4. There are a few changes to these ads from the ones in Series 2, most notably the slogan on the backdrop being altered to read "HEENZ MEENZ BEENZ" for whatever reason and Tim's school uniform changes to a light grey jumper, white shirt, dark blue tie and dark grey shorts. Tim's character is also much more confident but just as forgetful and Graeme the cruel producer has discovered some nifty new methods of punishment since the previous ads.
 
Here are the transcripts of the final four "Heenz Meenz Beenz" ads:
 
3/1 The New Office
"My Favourite Supper"
I had my favourite supper tonight
And we all know what that means
My Mummy gave me you-know-what
A lovely plate of … onion soup with croutons and a honeydew melon, and not forgetting the steak dianne with pimento sauce and courgettes and, of course, ratatouille and scampi in white wine, and not to mention the braised artichoke hearts … (a bucket filled with baked beans is lowered into view)
 … and what meal would be complete without a bottle of Chateau Mouton Rothschild and …
(G: "Get it right!" – tips the bucket of beans all over Tim's head)
 
3/3 Winter Olympics
"When I Get Home From School"
(Tim walks on stage, obviously busting to go to the toilet)
When I get home from school each day
My Mummy says to me
Just tell me what you've learnt in class
And then I'll get you your tea
Please Sir, I … (turns to exit stage but is pushed back on with a broom)
And so I tell her all I've learnt … I want to leave … (pushed with broom again)
Of soldiers, kings and queens … I don't think I can wait … (broom again) … yes I can!
And then because I've been so good, she gives me lots of … Oh my God … !
(G: "Get it right!" – a large punching bag swings in from the side and knocks Tim out)
 
3/5 For Those In Peril On The Sea
"The Best Poem I Know"
(Tim giggles) The Vicar's daughter, she was there
She had us all in fits
By jumping off the mantlepiece
And landing on … a plate of baked beans!
Actually it wasn't on baked beans, it was on her …
(Camera pans back and an army tank appears in view)
(G: "Do it properly!" – fires artillery shell from the tank. Tim is left blackened and crying)
 
4/6 The Race
"What I Like Best To Eat"
Not fish, not meat, not spuds, nor greens
What I like best is Heenz Baked Beenz!
(G (ecstatically): "He's got it right! The lad's done it! He's got it right!")
(The large backdrop falls and smashes over Tim's head, then he starts crying)
 
"The Race" also spells the end of the mid-episode mock commercial breaks, so a final Beanz ad where Tim actually gets it right only to be punished anyway by an unfortunate twist of fate is a perfectly appropriate way to conclude this feature of The Goodies. However there is then a very satisfying sendup of Tim's Beanz Boy in the Series 6 episode "It Might As Well Be String" which is a show devoted to the almighty advertising dollar and the miracle ingredient of "truth in advertising" that threatens to destroy it.
 
Towards the end of this episode Tim is pursuing Bill and Graeme through the television studios in an attempt to stop them corrupting the previously "honest and unimpeachably good" product of string when he comes across a studio set with a backdrop of "HEANZ MEANZ STRING" and a more teenage-looking Timbo the Beanz Boy who is wearing a green and yellow blazer, white shirt, black and white-striped tie and grey shorts. The Beanz Boy only gets as far as: "My Mum bought me some string today, 'Cos string is better than beans. She always gives me … [bloomph bloomph]!" as an annoyed Tim smears a plate of baked beans into the kid's face (that is, into his own face) in a very surreal scene and charges off, leaving the Beanz Boy spitting out beans and crying.
 
The Beanz Meanz Heanz / Heenz Meenz Beenz ads are a wonderful example of Goodies-style humour and fun, though Tim just might beg to differ after suffering so nobly for his art so that we can have a laugh at his expense! The Goodies mock ads are definitely the only commercial break that I've ever actually looked forward to sitting through and the series of Beanz ads are very much one of my favourite Goodies sequences. Heinz would never have been able to get away with making these ads using a real schoolboy at any rate!
 
Website article & photo gallery:
 
Next theme (Mar or Apr): Goodies Targets – Nicholas Parsons
 
 
6. GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW #33 – TERRAPINS
***************************************
 
Hi there pop pickers and welcome to another Goodies Music Review.
 
WHO?
.
After their last writeup of Nappy Love your baby-babbling music reviewers Emperor Caligula (aka Brett Allender) and Peaches Stiletto (aka Linda Kay) have indeed gone from being two to three (No, not THAT … thankfully (for Peaches' sake)!!) and they are about to put their new-found maturity to the test on a couple of vitally important top-secret projects (that we'll only tell you about and nobody else, we promise!).
The Emperor is being parachuted into Germany in the dead of night, not to buy a box of fine cigars for his funny-looking Prime Minister, but to win the Eurovision Song Contest with his punk rock rendition of "You Vill Do Der Funky Gibbon Now!" which should definitely scare the bejabbers out of border guards Hans and Fritz … and any other Germans that aren't completely tone deaf. We can only hope that he crash-lands in a paddock and has to have an implant of his teddy bear's voice box, as "Mama" would be about the most intelligent thing that he's had to say in more than 30 music reviews to date!
As for Peaches, her mission is to infiltrate the Loch Jaw school and lull the Matron to sleep (a few seconds of SleepalongaMax Volume 98 should do the trick there) before reprogramming the batallion of baby warriors to be her very own private army. She can then hatch plans to get them to do the housework and help her to rule the world, the universe, Mars, maybe even the Radio Times … and perhaps then she'll even take over the BBC so that we can finally get some flamin' Goodies repeats screened … !
Anyway while we're waiting for the next 20 years for all of that to happen (particularly the Goodies repeats!), we'll take you over to Dr G. Garden's Fish (& Other Aquatic Beasties) Farm and your dawdling DJs with their review of "Terrapins", by The Goodies.
 
WHERE? WHEN?
 
"Terrapins" can only be heard on the 70's album "The Beastly Record".
 
WHAT?
 
Lyrics: sung by Bill, with backing mainly from Graeme
 
Oh you are certain of a chuckle with a chicken or a chimpanzee
The merest mention of a marmoset guarantees hilarity
A gibbon always gets a grin (whoop)
But none of them are fairer than a t-t-terra-pin
 
T-t-t-t terrapins (mad about), T-t-t-t terrapins (can't live without)
T-t-t-t terrapins, everybody sing this song (ooh-ooh)
T-t-t-t terrapins (how I love), T-t-t-t terrapins (thinking of)
T-t-t-t terrapins, everybody sing along
 
You can depend on a pangolin to get them rolling in the aisles
(pangolin, pangolin, pangolin)
A bat or a bandicoot, a cougar or a crocodile
A ferret is a funsome thing (eek)
But if they're gonna cheer ya, you've gotta let them hear ya sing
 
Not n-n-n-n nappy pins, nor s-s-s-s safety pins
But t-t-t-t terrapins, everybody sing this song
Not dr-dr-dr-dr drawing pins, nor lu-lu-lu-lu lupins
But t-t-t-t terrapins, everybody sing along
 
Let me hear you now
 
T-t-t-t terrapins (give me them), T-t-t-t terrapins (and again)
T-t-t-t terrapins, everybody sing this song
T-t-t-t terrapins (munchable), T-t-t-t terrapins (crunchable)
T-t-t-t terrapins, everybody sing along
 
The t-t terrapin song (what a wonderful song)
 
WHY?
 
(Peaches Stiletto):
The animal-obsessed Goodies are at it again with this ode to that hero on a half-shell, the terrapin. But why terrapins? Well, let's face it . . . turtle is not an easy word to rhyme. And while terrapins resemble sea turtles they don't belong to that particular genus. In fact they are of the family Emydidae (Emmy did what??) and are more closely related to box turtles (as in "think outside the"). This confusion may be the result of reptile dysfunction, in the sense that the family called Terrapene are in fact not typically called terrapins. Confused enough yet? Okay, well let's clarify this once and for all. Terrapins are turtles, and terrapins are funny. Terrapins are also cool. How many other animals can say they have been symbols for The Grateful Dead (besides those colorful, leg-kicking bears)? The terrapin is also the mascot for the University of Maryland. Not bad for an animal that spends much of its life in brackish water. Which brings us to the point . . . is something that spends much of its life in brackish water really munchable and crunchable? And how exactly did they find this out? Just keep in mind before you start hunting for the little delicacies that the Diamondback Terrapin is on the endangered species, listed as "threatened." Various websites cite cars and crab traps as the terrapins greatest threat, but if any environmentalist has seen the way Graeme offers them up as delicacies in Black and White Beauty, they'd know what the real problem is . . . terrapins taste good! Terrapin soup, anyone?
 
(Emperor Caligula):
As one of the kingpins of writing successful comedy songs in the 1970s, Bill had a simple formula as his lynchpin for getting people to chuckle at his songs – dro-pin a funny animal name and you'll soon have everyone in a tails-pin with laughter.
Funky ferrets and gigglesome gibbons were used to underpin many an Oddie song, but this one puts a stickpin into the theory that these critters formed his favourite funny words. Instead it's the humble, munchable, crunchable terrapin that is Bill's headpin of the animal kingdom and apparently no other "pins" are good enough either.
And just when I thought that Cho-pin was his favourite composer, Pip-pin was his best-loved musical and ten-pin bowling was his main relaxation too. Well I guess that's tortoise all a lesson then, but t 'urt 'le subside eventually! Oh well, I guess I'll just have to go back into my shell again until then.
 
HOW!
 
Using the Black Pudding Rating System:
III Goody Goody Yum Yum (Peaches Stiletto)
III Goody Goody Yum Yum (Emperor Caligula)
 
 
THE BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM
 
IIIII - Superstar.
IIII - Officially Amazing.
III   - Goody Goody Yum Yum.
II    - Fair-y Punkmother.
I     - Tripe on t' pikelets.
 
Next Music Review: (April) – The Cricklewood Shakedown
 
 
7. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
***********************
 
(a) Tim
(b) The first Royal Variety Show at London Palladium
(c) Royal Command
(d) Bognor on the Bank Holiday
(e) The North Pole Hilton
(f) Whale blubber
(g) Eskimo Nell
(h) A large butterfly
 
YOUR SCORE:
8    Mastermind Of The Year
7    Goodies fan supreme
5-6 Clever clogs
3-4 Reasonably Goodie
1-2 Thick as old boots
0    Rolf Harris!
 
 
8. GOODIES CROSSWORD SOLUTION
*****************************
 
Here is the solution for the crossword puzzle from the January C&G. There is a copy of this puzzle (in Word format) and solution on the website at: http://www.goodiesruleok.com/articles.php?id=88
 
 

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NEXT C&G EDITION:
- #148:    12th March 2008.
 
C&G BACK ISSUES CONTENTS INDEX: http://www.goodiesruleok.com/articles.php?id=45
 
*******************************************************************************
The Goodies Fan Club Clarion and Globe is copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 2008. All rights reserved.
Permission to reproduce this work or any section of it, in any form must first be obtained from the copyright holders.
 
For further information regarding this publication please e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>.
For other general enquiries about the 'Goodies Rule - OK' fan club or 'The Goodies' itself, please e-mail enquiries@goodiesruleok.com
 
TO OBTAIN THIS NEWSLETTER IN WORD DOCUMENT FORM:
E-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> requesting transfer to the Word mailing list.
******************************************************************************
 
 



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