The Official Goodies Rule - OK! Fan Club Website

THE GOODIES CLARION AND GLOBE

THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK' FAN CLUB

Issue No. 77 17th May 2002

E-MAIL ADDRESSES

Newsletter enquiries: clarion@goodiesruleok.com

General enquiries: enquiries@goodiesruleok.com

'The Goodies Rule - OK!'

Chadstone VIC 3148, AUSTRALIA

THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G

FEATURE ARTICLE CONTRIBUTOR

COOL COR COMIC REVIEWER

- Claire, Peter Wearden, Ian Cleveland, Leigh Whitbread

1. QUIZ & QUOTE - Goodies brainteasers for you and you and you

2. BOFFO IDEAS - Club happenings and ideas.

3. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.

4. 2001 AND A BIT - Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.

5. FEATURE ARTICLE - The Goodies - from "Deadpan"

6. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY – Frankenfido

7. GOODIES COR!! COMICS SYNOPSIS #6

8. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS

(by "Magnus Magnesium")

QUOTE: "As we travel merrily on our way through ...ooh, Yugoslavia. Yugoslavia.. Famous for its ... its ... er ... trees!!"

(a) Which Goodie said this quote?

(b) What is so unusual about this "tour"?

QUIZ: This month's questions are from the episode "It Might As Well Be String"

(d) The Goodies potential advertising market is divided into 4 classes - D for dumb, C for clever, B for brilliant and A for ...?

(e) Which group of people make up the D class consumers (bless 'em!)?

(f) According to nine (very loony) doctors out of ten, what happens to people who don't eat Sunbeam sliced bread?

(g) Which product does Tim refuse to advertise because it's "far too sexy"?

(h) Complete this advertising slogan: "Use Low Suds Mold or ..."?

The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.

You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> with your comments, ideas or suggestions - meanwhile these are the boffo ideas which our club has been working on this month:

AND THEN THERE WERE THREE ...

(by Lisa Manekofsky)

While visiting Blackstar Video's website I was surprised and dismayed to learn that the "Goodies and the Beanstalk" video has been deleted from the BBC Video line as of 23 April 2002 (this is the video containing the three episodes "The Goodies and the Beanstalk", "The End", and "Bunfight at the O.K. Tea Rooms"). While Blackstar is only a retailer and they have no control over video releases (or deletions), I sent a note to their customer service department asking if they knew whether "Kitten Kong" (the other BBC tape) was due for deletion in the near future. I also asked whether they thought there was any chance that the "Beanstalk" video's deletion might mean that a repackaged version (such as a DVD) was being planned for the future. Here's the response I received:

Thanks for getting in touch.

Yes, "The Goodies and the Beanstalk" sold well. Number 311 in the Blackstar All Time Chart, not bad when up against blockbuster movies & the like. It was only deleted very recently, end of April. You're right that a re-release could come along in the not-too-distant future though. There's no sign yet of any new or re-released Goodies titles, but we don't know of forthcoming releases too far in advance (we'd get confirmation of a new release about 10-12 weeks in advance, on average).

"Kitten Kong" is still shipping normally, arriving from our suppliers in a working day or two. But, we wouldn't know in advance if it's deletion was imminent.

Barry McLean, Customer Care

www.blackstar.co.uk - The UK's biggest video store"

I'd recommend that anyone who has been thinking about purchasing the Goodies videos pick them up while they are still available. Even thought "Beanstalk" has been deleted, there's a good chance that stores still have copies in inventory. "Kitten Kong" seems safe for the moment but who knows if/when it'll be pulled.

More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the Goodies recently, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! The Goodies this month:

DO, DO, DO, The FUNKY GIBBON!

(by Claire – Goodies-l – 15th April)

I didn't actually hear this myself but my parents were listening to a local radio station this morning (106 Century FM) and they heard Funky Gibbon! Now, this came as a bit of a surprise but the DJ, Graham Mack, explained:

He had received a letter from an organisation which raises funds for a monkey sanctuary in Bournemouth, called Monkey World and, last year, they put together a CD of tracks with monkey themes. The CD is called 'Gibbonbury 2001' and one of its tracks is Funky Gibbon!

After playing the song, the DJ said that when he was 13, he thought Funky Gibbon was the best thing in the world!! (Blimey, a DJ with some good taste!)

Don't know what else is included on this CD but I think they'd probably be able to fill up half the album with all The Goodies' gibbon-based tracks!

(from information by David Balston & Peter Wearden – Goodies-l – 1st May)

There is a new BBC Wallpaper (well I haven't seen it before) athttp://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/games/wallpaper/ featuring the trio and the giant Dougal. There is one other of the three doing the Funky Gibbon. Cool.

NEVER MIND THE BUZZCOCKS

(by Ian Cleveland – Goodies-l – 1st May)

The Goodies had a mention on Never Mind the Buzzcocks (British musical comedy gameshow), there was footage of the famous funky gibbon clip followed by this quip "It was reported that the film director Steven Spielberg was interested in approaching the Goodies to make a film..... In retrospect however it was probably best that Ralph Fiennes and Liam Neeson were chosen for Schindlers List" It`s probably been on before but it made me laugh.

GOODIES SCREENING COMING UP

(by David Balston – Goodies-l – 2nd May)

The Goodies episodes "Punky Business" and "Royal Command" will be screenedat London's National Film Theatre on Tuesday 4th June 6.15pm and Saturday 15th June 8.40pm. It is part of the TV77 season and the two episodes will be partnered with an episode of Coronation Street..... naturally. The Coronation Street episode is a Jubilee episode with the regulars on a "Britain through the ages" Jubilee float.

The NFT is on London's South Bank and the box office is 020 7928 3232 and booking opens from Friday May 24th for telephone bookings.

4. 2001 AND A BIT

If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays.

* "Tim's Comedy Links" continues to be repeated on Radio 4 on Tuesdays at 23:00. To listen to Radio 4 over the internet go to http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/ and click on "Listen Live" (Lisa Manekofsky – Goodies-l – 15th April)

* Tim is scheduled to appear on "Masterchef" on UK Food on Tuesday, 30th April. The show is scheduled to air at the following times:

08:30 to 09:00 (30 minutes long), 15:00 to 15:30 (30 minutes long), 18:00 to 18:30 (30 minutes long)

Here is the listing from Digiguide:

Lloyd Grossman presents the amateur cookery contest, with contestants from the South-East of England. With guest judges former-Goodie Tim Brooke-Taylor and leading food-writer Claudia Roden. (Lisa Manekofsky – Goodies-l – 25th April)

* Tim made a pre-filmed appearance in Brigit Forsyth's edition of "This Is Your Life" (Thursday 25th April BBC1) when he told of the time Brigit slapped Tim so hard as part of the scene in the theatre version of "You Must be the Husband" she left such a mark on his face the audienced gasped with amazement. He turned round to reveal he still had the marks. :-) (David Balston – Goodies-l – 29th April)

* From the description on the webpage http://www.michaeldvd.com.au/Reviews/Reviews.asp?ReviewID=1404 , it sounds like the DVD release, entitled "Asterix the Gaul", is a repackaging of a film originally released on VHS as the special 30th anniversary edition of "Asterix and the Big Fight". The version of "Asterix and the Big Fight" that's available in stores in the UK (here's an on-line listing:http://www.blackstar.co.uk/video/item/7000000000772) does NOT have Bill Oddie & Tim Brooke-Taylor's voices. They were only included on the limited edition (and now out-of-print) 30th anniversary edition; the cover of the tape specificially says that Bill plays Asterix and Tim plays Cacofonix (although he only has a few lines in the film). (Lisa Manekofsky – Goodies-l – 10th May)

* For those interested in the Asterix animated movies, detailed info about the Australian DVD releases of: Asterix & Cleopatra, Asterix And The Big Fight, Asterix Conquers America, Asterix In Britain, Asterix the Gaul, Asterix Versus Caesar, Asterix-12 Tasks Of Asterix, can be found at: http://www.michaeldvd.com.au/R4vsR1/R4vsR1.asp

This is a web site that catalogues most DVD's with detailed reviews, concentrating on the technical aspects of the sound and vision of the DVD and comparing the differences for different regions. It is well worth a look! There are three columns, scroll down the left column (alphabetically) then click on the movie title of choice. This takes you to a second screen, then you have to click on the title in the left hand side of the second screen to get to the detailed info about that movie. Of course, there are heaps of other movies reviewed also.

As far as I can make out, the plots of some of the movies tend to deviate from the original book, so it is possible that Big Fight might be linked to Gaul. The Asterix the Gaul review mentions TBT and all reviews mention the CONSIDERABLE variations to character names!

For those living in Australia, all these movies have been shown frequently on Foxtel in the past five years and will no doubt turn up again. (Brian Labza – Goodies-l – 13th May)

* Due to coverage of cricket, "Countdown" is no longer scheduled for 16-17 May so Tim's final two shows go out Tuesday 21st May and Wednesday 22nd May. (David Balston – Goodies-l – 14th May)

GRAEME SPOTTINGS

* Starting this Thursday (April 18th), "The Right Time" with Graeme Garden will air on Radio 4 at 18:30 (Lisa Manekofsky – Goodies-l – 15th April)

* Graeme is scheduled to appear in an episode of "Have I Got News For You" on Friday 3rd May. It airs on BBC 1 from 21:00 to 21:30 (30 minutes long). The show is scheduled to be repeated on BBC 2 on Saturday 4th May from 22:30 to 23:00. I'm guessing that this is a new episode and not a repeat of his appearance from several years ago.

Here's the listing from Digiguide:

Angus Deayton hosts the comedy quiz show that grills contestants on the week's news. Team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop are joined by guests including Graeme Garden.(Lisa Manekofsky – Goodies-l – 25th April)

* I read with pleasure today in the TV line up for this evening (Friday May 3rd) that Graeme Garden is the special guest on "Have I Got News For You". This is a panel style current affair show, with teams battling for points based on their knowledge of the current affairs occuring during the previous week. The level of intelligence, mixed with a slight amount of satire, and comical attitudes, leads me to believe Graeme Garden will fit in nicely. (Leigh Whitbread)

* The spoof chat show "Do Go On" featuring Graeme Garden and Griff Rhys Jones returns to Radio 4 Thursday 9th at 11pm. The show also features Melanie Hudson, Simon Greenall, Felicity Montagu and Michael Gambon. (David Balston – Goodies-l – 29th April)

* Radio 4's "The Motion Show" hosted by Graeme is returning and recordings are taking place 20th May, 27th May, 11th June, 18th June, 24th June and 5th July. Recordings are at the Drill Hall, 16 Chenies St, London WC1. Tickets available from PO Box 3000, BBC Television Centre, Wood Lane, London, W12 7RJ or from radio.ticket.unit@bbc.co.uk or 020 8576 8802. (David Balston – Goodies-l – 7th May)

* For anyone who still hasn't seen this often-repeated Play UK programme "Vic Reeves Examines Birdwatching" with Bill Oddie is repeated Thursday 9th May in the small hours of the morning at 2.10am. (David Balston – Goodies-l – 29th April)

I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE

* The BBC I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Website has been updated with wallpaper of Tim and Graeme to download at http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/clue/wallpaper/ and with Tim and Graeme at http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/clue/interviews/ as well as bios at http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/clue/article/tim.shtml and http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/clue/article/graeme.shtml To round things off there are some clips at http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/clue/clips/ (David Balston – Goodies-l - 15th April)

* "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" has won the top gold award at the 2002 Sony Awards. Silver award went to "Think the Unthinkable" and bronze award went to "The Sunday Format" (from information by David Balston – Goodies-l – 1st & 3rd May)

5. FEATURE ARTICLE

(contributed by Marilyn Burge)

From "Deadpan" magazine No 7 October 1994

Goodie Goodie Yum Yum! You just can't get more 70s than The Goodies. Giant kittens, runaway Dougals, Ecky Thump hats - it was nuts. And with the BBC finally releasing their shows on video, still oddly funny. Graeme Kay reports.

The Goodies shot Tony Blackburn. They pioneered "spoof" adverts. They ran a pirate radio station that had only one record. They saved London from being destroyed by a giant white kitten called Kong. [it was actually Twinkle - Ed] Tim Brooke-Taylor even once married Prince Charles. And they had what seemed to be the best job in the world; being stupid as stupid as anyone could be on prime time TV.

But while The Goodies may be forever locked in their nutzoid 70s world, the three protagonists are stubbornly still around, living their real lives. And at this very moment Graeme Garden (cue boffin with jam jar glasses and funky sideburns) and Bill Oddie (cue chubby little groover with beard, loon pants and fringed suede jacket) are ensconced in the luxurious comfort of London's Langham Hotel. Garden now resembles the medical consultant he might've become had comedy not got in the way but Oddie still looks like a little groover, only with shorter greyer hair and beard and John Lennon glasses.

For the next couple of days they'll be doing press interviews to support the video release of six of The Goodies' finest half hours, namely Kitten Kong, Scatty Safari, Scoutrageous, The Goodies And The Beanstalk, The End and Bunfight At The OK Tea Rooms.

And where is the missing man? Mr Patriotic Shiny Shoes himself, Tim Brooke-Taylor? Rehearsing for a play actually, though we'll get his thoughts on the phone later.

As befits their past, the two are easily, happily goaded into reminiscing. Currently they are recalling show number 58, aka Dodonuts. "That programme," says the million miles a minute Oddie, "was all about why Dodos became extinct and one of the things we had to do was teach a dodo how to fly. So we had two models built with the bird sitting in a bi-plane dressed in full flying gear. Anyway the idea was that eventually the plane would have to crash and it was gonna be a one take job. So the FX people built this big plane and they were so proud of it that they wanted us to see it in action. Initially we said no, just save it for the take. But the FX guys insisted. So we said OK and the plane went up and it was circling around nicely but when he pressed the button to send it into a dive the whole thing just exploded. Ooops!"

As the ebullient Oddie collapses into a fit of laughter at the memory, the quietly spoken Garden takes the opportunity to get a word in edgeways. "Subsequently," he adds, we had to contract out some of the extra modelling. Unfortunately the guy who got the job must have misheard what we were asking for because instead of a Dodo we got a dildo in an aeroplane!"

Bill Oddie first met Tim Brooke-Taylor and Graeme Garden when the three of them, plus John Cleese and Graham Chapman, worked together in the Cambridge Circus revue of 1963. Later on they collaborated on the radio series I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again and Brooke-Taylor and Garden's TV show Broaden Your Mind. It was at the end of that show's second run in 1970 that the idea of The Goodies (under the working title SuperChaps 3) was first mooted.

"Originally," explains Garden, the BBC wanted to commission a third series of Broaden Your Mind. But by that time Do Not Adjust Your Set and Python had started experimenting with what was called broken comedy, that is sketches with slightly surreal endings to them and we thought that the only way to improve Broaden... was to go in that same direction. But it seemed kind of pointless to be in direct competition with them so we thought, 'Well let's use the same kind of humour but extend it into a half hour storyline...'"

"Really," continues Oddie, "it was an attempt to do something new. There was no point in going down that same avenue of heavily verbal broken comedy that Python were doing so well. So we went to the opposite extreme by doing things that were very visual and related to cartoons and silent comedy. And I'm bound to say that by doing that I think we created the people who hated us as well. I think that was related to the fact that in a sense what we were doing was a much more naïve type of comedy which sort of had a kids programme stigma attached to it and when the hip students of the time realised that their younger brothers and sisters were watching us, they stopped. Our theory as to why, after twenty four years, the BBC are finally releasing the videos now is that the generation who wouldn't be seen dead watching The Goodies because their younger brothers liked it, were in charge until a couple of years ago. But then the generation who were the younger brothers took charge and they liked it."

"On reflection I think the title might've been a bit soppy... but then again there was a plus side to it in that we were looking for a sort of poppy Monkees feel in which the music was an important element, but to a point I always regretted the title because it fed that sort of It's-A-Kids-Programme-And-I'm-Not-Watching-It-Element."

In spite of all this, The Goodies' first two series gain strong enough followings to sustain them for seven more seasons and six specials between 1972 and 1982. During that time they won the Silver Rose at the Montreux TV Festival, picked up a similarly coloured disc for sales of their album, had five top thirty singles, three best selling books (The Goodies File, Book Of Criminal Records and Disaster Movie) and on one occasion found themselves voted Britain's top comedy show ahead of Morecambe & Wise and The Two Ronnies by the readers of The Sun. Indeed such was their success that there was even a phone call from Steven Spielberg's secretary saying that the old ET-er wanted to work with them. sadly it came to naught.

Remembering the first two runs of the show, Oddie says, "the early set-up was very clichéd and ran along the lines of 'Here's an agency and they'll do anything, anytime, any place.' Which thereby raised the question, What do they do and who hires them? So to start with we always had a big name guest star who would help us to solve a problem. But that was the joke, the person who came in was always much more famous than any of us were and we'd just sort of end up standing around while they got all the best lines. We did at least two series like that and then we thought that's wrong for whatever the reasons and it started getting better after that."

"For me," says Brooke-Taylor later, "the turning point came in about 1973. From then on there's a confidence that comes into both the writing and performing. That main difference was that instead of having a guest as a villain it was one of us who went mad and that of course was much more fun because it allowed us to play different characters. I was usually the loony, patriotic, cowardly almost female person."

Which, it seems, was not a character that Brooke-Taylor was entirely comfortable with. "I hated him,", he hisses, "I mean I obviously have some similarities in that I'm cowardly and patriotic but only in the way that most normal people are. Not fanatically so."

But he didn't dislike the character so much that he tried to change him. "No," he concedes, "because the strength of the show was that we represented all of the political parties. I was the Tory, Graeme was the Liberal and Bill was the Socialist. And that was a useful kind of shorthand because when you got the story you automatically knew, unless one of us went mad, what the attitude of each person was going to be."

Unlikely as it may seem The Goodies actually had a political edge. So much so that in one edition of the left wing journal Tribune it was pointed out that while Monty Python could be seen in South Africa, The Goodies couldn't.

As an obviously proud Oddie points out, "To most non-Goodies fans we were seen as completely harmless but if you look a little closer you'll see that we often dealt with slightly contentious subjects and we actually got censored more times than Python. I remember at least three things but the big one was probably the South African Adventure. Whether the BBC were censoring it for the right reasons I don't know. We actually had a row with them about it because they said something like we were being too harsh on the white South Africans."

"We had one really bad, vicious Afrikaans policeman who was using black people as target practice. He was an awful character, a real monster, which is what we intended, but at the time we were actually told something like you're being too harsh and it's not funny. So we called their bluff and reshot some of the scenes and we put in more apartheid jokes and surprisingly they let it go. When I saw it the other day I thought it was a classic case of those things where even though the jokes were so violently anti-prejudiced they could easily be taken the other way, y'know like Til Death Do Us Part. There's no way you could do that programme today because to do it we had to take on the role of rampant racists and use pretty dreadful racist language as well.

Which must have come as something of shock to Mary Whitehouse who after the end of the first series had written to the lads praising them for their "wonderful clean comedy". This unexpected and unwanted commendation was, according to Brooke-Taylor, "our most shaming moment. From then on we went out of our way to upset her."

Something they finally achieved in 1980 with the opening sequence to Saturday Night Grease. A shot by shot take off of Saturday Night Fever it featured Brooke-Taylor as John Travolta stripping down to an exceedingly tight pair of underpants with a carrot motif on the front. All of which proved too much for Mrs W who immediately fired off a letter of complaint saying that The Goodies were "too sexually orientated."

It was about this time that the love affair between The Goodies and the BBC began to wane. As Brooke-Taylor explains it, "Basically we got frustrated by the BBC. It was a time when they were a bit short of funds and they hadn't got any money to take risks and with us it wasn't so much that we were expensive but we tended to monopolise the visual effects department. Unfortunately at that time visual effects were completely tied up with Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy, so they kept putting us off and eventually we got an offer from ITV which was worth a lot of money. To be honest I seriously didn't want to go, but Bill and Graeme were a bit short of cash so we did."

Unfortunately the switch over to The Other Side wasn't a great success. "ITV," continues Brooke-Taylor, "didn't know where to put us. So we ended up in the 5.30 slot on a Saturday night which we all thought was ludicrous." And that was it. After only one series and one Christmas special for LWT The Goodies were no more.

Gone but not forgotten. The launch of satellite TV in the late 1980s rescued the threesome from complete obscurity and through the auspices of Sky, BSB and most recently UK Gold they have found a whole new generation of fans. Indeed judging by what Brooke-Taylor says The Goodies are about to become hip once again.

"I've caught my two sons aged 23 and 24 watching episodes with their friends and recently one of them rang me from Bristol Poly to ask me if it was alright for someone to use the theme music because Goodies sounds like Good E's as in Ecstasy. So I think we could become trendy any minute now. The awful thing is the lyrics are all about taking 'a trip to paradise' and 'whatever turns you on' and in the first programme Bill started having hallucinations after sucking on a Sherbet Dip."

Brooke-Taylor denies though that The Goodies were ever involved with anything stronger than an aspirin. "I don't think," he laughs, "we ever realised we were such a drug infested programme."

The Goodies: Kitten Kong and The Goodies And The Beanstalk are released by BBC Video on 5th September.

In addition to the main article, the following information is also featured in separate boxes:

The 'Trandem' was bought in 1984 by Hugh Spowers from an auction of BBC props. in 198(obscured) Hugo's brother Rory rode it from South Africa to London in aid of the African Medical Research Organisation Last year Rory and Bill Oddie saddled up and rode from the mouth of the River Ganges in the Bay Of Bengal to its source in the Himalayas. The whole thing was filmed for television and Rory wrote a book about it called Three Men On A Bike which will be out next year.

THE GOODIES FIVE FAVOURITE "SPOOF" ADVERTS

1. CAR The one where the car in classic style is filled up with petrol and then goes on to drive and drive until it approaches a paper banner which says 50,000 miles on it. But instead of driving through the banner the car crashes into it and is completely written off. The joke being that the advert was actually for extra strong paper

Never broadcast. It was censored a) because the girl did such a convincing blow job on the flake and b) she was leaning against a fountain and the more she sucked on the chocolate the more the fountain began to spurt. Apparently this was considered suggestive and wouldn't do at all.

Remember the campaign which ran around the slogan Beanz Meanz Heinz? "Well," says Garden, "we were always taking the piss out of that. What would happen was Tim would play the sweet faced little boy who couldn't get it right and each time he got it wrong the producer would get more violent slapping him and pelting him with beans. Eventually it ended up with Tim having the barrel of a tank pressed up against his forehead."

"We did a great take off of those 'Will you swap your old powder for 200,000 pounds and a packet of Daz' ads" explains Oddie. "Basically what would happen was Tim would dress up as an old lady and Graeme would ask her to swap. When she refused he would belt her one with the packet of powder, the message being that some people are too stupid to see a good thing even when it hits them in the face."

There was a famous ad in the 70s where this very suave and sophisticated guy lit up a pipe of St Bruno, the aroma of which drove all the women in the immediate vicinity wild with desire. So they start chasing him down to a gate which his big burly minder closes until the guy decides which of the girls he wants to have. Only in The Goodies version the guy gets off with the minder instead.

December 1974 'The Inbetweenies' reached no. 7

March 1975 'Funky Gibbon no. 4

June 1975 'Black Pudding Bertha' no. 19

September 1975 'Wild Thing' no. 21

December 1975 'Make A Daft Noise For Christmas' no. 20

Nov 1975 'The New Goodies LP' no. 25

THEIR FAVOURITE EPISODES

GRAEME - The Goodies And The Beanstalk

BILL - U Friend Or UFO

Perhaps The Goodies' finest moment was goofing around on Top Of The Pops imploring a nation to scratch their armpits and do the Funky Gibbon. So, one more time ...

We're the Goodies, how do you do

We've just been down to the zoo

We saw a monkey in a cage

Doin' a dance that could be the rage

It's not hard, so let's all do

The funky gibbon, ooh ooh ooh

Do do do the funky gibbon

We are here to show you how

Ooh ooh ooh, the funky gibbon

It's just like you, so come on and do, the funky gibbon now

Dogs are always howling

Cats are always yowling

Gibbons only like to sing and dance

You be like that monkey

And in a while start to smile

Gibbon half a chance

G the world would be good

I know how nice it could

B with just a little gibbon and take

B just like that gibbon

O you fool the rhythm

N your groove, dress up to the planet of the apes

Now everybody get ready to do the funky gibbon

Drop one arm down by your knee

Let the other arm reach up to the trees

Let your wrist go limp like a bent baboon

And get ready to sing this gibbon tune

Do do do the funky gibbon

We are here to show you how

Ooh ooh ooh, the funky gibbon

It's just like you, so come on and do, the funky gibbon now

6. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY

First screened: 10th March 1975

Graeme has set up his own dog breeding kennels in a splendid old building in the countryside and with a nurse as his assistant (who feeds Dulux paint to an old English sheepdog among other things), he prepares a series of new breeds for registration by the Kennel Club, including a curly coated bull corgi for the Queen and a novelty dog for Tim and Bill to enter in the Crufts dog show.

Tim and Bill receive their new long haired pug by special delivery (all parcelled up in brown paper!), but are rather disappointed, as it looks like the top of an old mop and is about as inactive as one too (apart from it unloading a deep green piddle on Bill, then being put through the mangle afterwards to dry out!) They are even more disappointed to find that Graeme has not only produced a dog for them, but is breeding hundreds of other novelty dogs for entry in Crufts as well ("the miserable breeder!"), so they ride to his lab to complain only to find that Graeme has exhausted all the combinations of breeding different dogs together and has started breeding dogs with other animals instead.

Bill throws Rover the long haired pug into Graeme's hormone cupboard in disgust, only to have a horde of tiny white puppies flee all over the countryside after Rover and a white feather duster had a ten minute fling together. This gives Graeme some even loonier ideas for creating new breeds of dogs by mating them with items of furniture and the Crufts Novelty Breeds section is soon graced by breeds such as a North Sea Gas Dalmation stove and a Royal Flush King Charles lavatory.

Tim and Bill are sufficiently annoyed by this to pull up a box of costumes and Bill re-emerges in a pot-bellied dog suit as 'Cuddly Scamp Hairylegs of Cricklewood'. Cuddly Scamp's ability to perform tricks, play musical instruments and put a motorcar together easily beats the other dumb mutts for the Obedience and Intelligence prize and Tim gleefully shows off the trophy to a demoralized Graeme. Cuddly Scamp enhances his reputation even further and becomes Mastermind Of The Year (with conveniently correct answers such as "arf", "owwll" and "ruff"), so Tim is supremely cocky that Cuddly Scamp will be the overall champ at Crufts.

Graeme has one card left to play and decides to build a custom model for the grand champions parade the next day. With the help of his 'Needlework For Beginners' book, the finest body parts from the likes of Nicholas Parsons and Donny Osmond on his "chopping list", a stormy night and lots of electrical cables and switches, he manages to create a fearsome six-legged, long-nosed shaggy monster mutt called Frankenfido. However Cuddly Scamp doesn't take kindly to the last-minute arrival of Frankenfido at Crufts and a huge dogfight erupts and spills out into the street.

Frankenfido soon cruises around on the trandem and Graeme only manages to rope in a passing car instead. Cuddly Scamp eventually mounts Frankenfido like a jockey and rides 'her' back to Graeme's kennels, where they are locked up together for three days and nights. A year later, Graeme has bundled up all of Frankenfido's body parts for return to their rightful owners, but Bill (still in the dog suit) is very traumatised from his experience and really thinks that he is a dog. Tim and Graeme finally twig as to what Cuddly Scamp and Frankenfido actually got up to while locked up together just as there is a scratching noise at the door. Bill goes to investigate, only to find a Cuddly Scamp / Frankenfido puppy yapping "Dadda! Dadda!"

* Tim (trying to get Rover to do tricks without success): "Come on. Die for the Queen."

Bill: "I reckon he already has done!"

* Bill (after reaching into Rover's long hair): "It bit me!"

Tim: "Can't have, that's the wrong end!"

* Graeme (putting a dog into the breeding basket, which contains an elephant): "Here you are darling, in you go. Close your eyes and think of Crufts!"

* Graeme (about Cuddly Scamp Hairylegs of Cricklewood): "We all know it's just Bill in a skin"

Tim: "Can you see Bill winning an obedience and intelligence prize?!"

* Graeme (regarding his Frankenstein creation): "I'm only using the best quality parts. There's my chopping list!"

* Graeme: "Look. Teeth. You wouldn't find teeth like these on a mere dog."

Tim: "What are they? Horse, alligator, tiger ..."

Graeme (opens box to reveal glittering diamond-studded choppers): "Look at them."

Tim (shocked): "No! Not Donny Osmond!"

Tim (in horrified indignation): "You ... you've been using people! ... And Donny Osmond!!"

* Graeme's loony breeding experiments between dogs and other animals which produce all sorts of mad mutts, including a great dane-mouse cross which won't come out of a huge hole in the wall and a parrot-cocker spaniel cross which continually dive bombs him before crashing heavily to the floor.

* The mad chase to 'Come Back' after Rover's tiny puppies where they run up Tim's leg, forcing him to strip to his undies to stop the tickling. A tug of war between Tim and Rover over the trousers results in a trouser leg being torn off and the other legful of puppies racing across the park before being cornered by Bill. The puppies escape from a bag somehow by running out of Bill's trouser leg before all biting him on the bum in unison, forcing a pained Bill to race away with Tim wielding a net in hot pursuit.

* Graeme's even crazier mating experiments between his dogs and various items of furniture after discovering the power of the hormones, especially his attempt to mate a dog with a Chippendale chair with the help of soft lights, music, French perfume and plenty of encouragement for them to go "at it like knives" which prompts Bill to exchange loony signals with Tim and declare that Graeme ought to be locked up.

* The making of the massive long-nosed, six legged Frankenfido from assorted (if slightly incorrect) parts of Nicholas Parsons, Robin Day, Yul Brynner and Donny Osmond, all expertly sewn together using 'Needlework For Beginners' and brought to life on a dark and stormy night by Graeme the loony scientist.

* The dog fight at Crufts with Tim wrestling an armchair mutt, Graeme almost being baked by his own North Sea Gas Dalmation stove dog, the announcer cracking up and confessing that he "can't stand dogs" and the subsequent chase scene, especially Frankenfido riding the trandem, Graeme roping a car and only realising his error when he gets dragged off his feet and the bloke walking out of the opticians, spotting Frankenfido, throwing his new glasses away in disgust, then crashing headfirst into a lamppost!

* The final scene with Bill as Cuddly Scamp answering scratching at the door to find a Bill Oddie / Cuddly Scamp / Frankenfido - cross puppy calling out "Dadda! Dadda!".

Perhaps not quite as visually spectacular and verbally funny as other episodes in the series and maybe considered good rather than classic by most fans. However as a loony scientist myself, I greatly enjoy Graeme's nutty nature-defying experiments and the well-worked parodies of Frankenstein and the Crufts dog show too.

IIII Officially amazing

BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM:

IIII - Officially amazing.

III - Goody goody yum yum.

II - Fair-y punkmother.

I - Tripe on t' pikelets.

June Episode Summary – Scatty Safari

7. GOODIES COR COMICS SYNOPSIS #6

10th February, 1973 No. 29

One of the most appealing aspects about The Goodies on television was their uncanny knack of making the most ordinary things both extraordinary and fantastical. Every day items were suddenly transformed into outrageous and hilarious things ... a black pudding could become a lethal weapon, construction machinery could turn into threatening beasts, a set of bagpipes could transform into a dangerously oversized arachnid ... this creative use of items familiar to the audience gave the show its unique and inspired edge.

The Cor!! comics work best when this basic theme is carried over into The Goodies' illustrated adventures, and it made perfect sense to do so. The Goodies themselves were basically live-action cartoons. And a comic strip artist doesn't have to come up with a way to explain to a special effects department how a man can technically fly through the air and land head-first in a cement mixer. The lunacy is left entirely up to the creative whims of the artist.